Darkest Light
by greatnightmare
Summary: When two strangers met on a plane it appears to be coincidence. But when they are both on the run from HYDRA it may be fate that has brought them together again. Mila nor Bucky can trust the other but both have suffered cruelties from Hydra. A shared life experience may bring them closer, but will their pasts ultimatly tear them apart? Bucky/OC pairing Avengers cameos post ca:ws
1. Fate or coincidence

The signs were everywhere. Stay. Home. Lyudmila. But nothing could deter her from her her job. Boarding the plane to Frankfurt was the beginning of what would be her biggest dream. A complete summer to research WWII. Adjusting the weight of her carry on bag she tried to ignore the discomfort in her stomach. Spending the last week with the flu and getting her identity stolen were just some of those signs. She checked her bag for her journals and laptop. Everything ready to go.

Mila didn't particularly like public places, like this. The Smithsonian was different, the artifacts and exhibits gave her something to talk passionately about and distracted her from being so close to so many. Her last job for the museum she was chosen to collect artifacts for an exhibit, but this time she convinced the curator to let her get new research for the museum and had an idea for an exhibit. Hesitant at losing his most knowledgeable worker her boss almost made her stay behind. However she knew how to read people and this trip was happening. Nothing was going to ruin this for her. Except that her flight left in a half hour and she was still not at her terminal. She tried to pick up her pace and looked around but this was giving the wrong signals to some. She had caught the attention of two TSA officials. _Shit._ Apparently she looked like a terrorist today.

"Ma'am can you come over here for a moment." One with a blond buzz cut said. She noticed these men were pretty well built for airport security staff, but then again with the latest in terrorist threats, one couldn't be too careful in hiring men like this. Begrudgingly she complied. This was the last thing she wanted to deal with. Only 15 minutes until her flight would leave with or without her and she could just see her gate across the way. She just wanted to get on the damn plane already. The man with dark hair looked her up and down suspiciously as though he was waiting for a bad reaction from her. He came around and began to pat her down while the other checked her bag. Blondy pulled out a blue leather bound journal that had shown use but it was tied shut. The label 'do not open until christmas' was on it.

"Bit early for christmas huh?" He commented. The man patting her down stopped for a moment at her ankle where her high top converse stopped. He looked at his partner while Mila was too concerned about her journal.

"I celebrate Christmas in July." Her tone indicated that his jokes were on the bottom of her list of things to deal with.

"Sure have a lot of stuff packed in here ma'am." The darked haired man patting her down stopped and nodded to his partner. "Bet you do great at tetris."

"It's my favorite pastime." She said getting her bag was mildly annoyed that the man couldn't put the stuff back right and so she wasted time to repack the top of the bag.

"Enjoy your flight to…"

"Europe." She said remaining vague and walking off. She didn't bother to notice that darked haired man spoke into a walkie that was not official for the airport staff.

"We found her." He said in a thick Russian accent.

Over the intercom the attendant called for Mila's flight and as she walked onto the plane she checked her ticket trying to find seat 1C. The window seat as she requested however, was being occupied by a very well built man hiding under a ball cap and heavy jacket. His arms were crossed as he looked out the window. Mila coughed and got his attention and looked at her ticket showing it to him.

"That's my seat." He looked at the ticket and his seat. "I'll throw up if I don't have a window seat, 14 hours smelling barf is not a pleasant way to travel." She added frustrated that she was letting little things annoy her. She could feel the weight in the middle of her spine begin to push her forward. She did not want to have an anxiety attack right here. The man grabbed his backpack and stood up.

"Sorry." He mumbled keeping his head down. Mila took her seat and placed her backpack between her legs. The man sat beside her and she almost wished she had taken the aisle, if only for the fact that with her sitting between this man and the window this plane seemed too small all of a sudden. She glanced over at him and noticed he had lovely blue eyes hiding behind the shadow of his cap and long dark hair. The stranger took notice of her and looked back at her. A sense of familiarity hit them when they looked at each other.

"Hey, weren't you the one at the Smithsonian?" She asked looking at him. She tried to be friendly. Fear crossed his face for a moment before surprise.

"My tour guide?" He asked smiling a bit.

"Yeah! How did your research go? You said you were writing a biography over the Howling Commandos."

"Alright." He said keeping conversation short.

"Well I still have access to the Smithsonian's databases if you want to look at those sometime."

"Maybe later." Just as she remembered him. Man of little words.

"Well, you have 14 hours to figure out the time and place." She said opening up a black journal that had a list of names on it. Looking at it the stranger was concerned.

"Is that a hit list?" He asked. He was more concerned for the third name. James Buchanan Barnes. She laughed.

"No it's-"

"Welcome to United Airlines flight 304. I'm you're attendant Kelly…" On with the routine speech that Mila had heard a few too many times before. She just let it fill the air between them as she followed directions she didn't need to and buckle up. She grabbed her ipod and some gum and offered the researcher a piece as well. He looked confused before accepting it. The plane took off and the music was on. Mila watched out the window as the plane ascended. Once everything was stable she turned the mini tv on and flipped past all the movies and tv shows to have the map on. She hated not knowing where she was. She looked over her journal some more and would occasionally look out the window as she read. Nothing to see but clouds, and that made her at peace with the fact she was very susceptible to death flying like this. Her neighbor was also looking out the window but what kept his attention more was the journal. Why was his name in it? Figuring she wouldn't stay awake the entire time, he would snag it when she fell asleep. Mila however, ruined those plans an hour into the flight. She closed the journal and put it in her backpack and leaned her head against the window frame noting how much colder it was. Bucky sighed and turned on his own tv trying to find something to keep him awake for the flight. He didn't know what this girl was doing or who she was working for.

 _Walking around with a group of people Mila commanded their attention as their tour guide. "Rogers was of course not always this size, but one thing that remained with him before and after the serum was his friend James Buchanan Barnes. They were inseparable on the school yard and on the battlefield. Bucky, as he was called, was drafted into the service and later captured by HYDRA only to be saved by his friend Steve. After the pair reunited Bucky became a Howling Commando serving side by side with his friend. He is the only Howling Commando to have given his life in the line of duty." Mila loved sharing her knowledge. She noticed two high school girls pointing and giggling over the monument with Barnes' face. Then she sighed. Why couldn't people respect and love the past like she did. When she turned to move to the next exhibit she heard a voice from the group._

" _How did he die?" Facing the group she couldn't figure out who exactly asked the question but she was happy to answer._

" _The Commandos were on a mission to extract a german scientist from a train. Bucky and Captain America got into a fight and Bucky fell off the train and into a ravine. They were unable to locate his body." Her heart felt heavy saying that. But this is why she loved this exhibit. She cared about those who served. Her family was loaded with men willing to give their life for this country._

" _On that plaque it says he's got siblings. They still around?" Mila smirked. She found the man in the back ball cap and jacket on. Looking at his face she caught her breath and then she seemed to be at a loss for an answer before snapping out of it. "Yes. His sister Rebecca and I talk often actually." She used her often for interviews and worked with her on this part of the memorial. Granted the woman was 84 she was still spirited and loved talking about her beloved brother. "Any other questions?" She waited the trained six seconds before continuing her tour. When it was over she gave her concluding speech and waited outside the gift store. The capped man didn't go through the shop like everyone else though. He went back into the exhibit and she followed. She wasn't going to leave him alone. He just kept staring at the memorial of Barnes._

" _You know, we close in thirty minutes right?" She said stepping beside him._

" _I'm doing research." He said without emotion. She couldn't read one single emotion on his face. The darkness of the museum and his shadowed face weren't exactly helping, but Mila knew she recognized him._

" _About the Serg? His sister will tell you everything if you just ask." She pulled out a pen from her hair and her business card. She jotted the number down on the back of it that would lead him to her. "She's really nice. Lives up in Brooklyn though, you'll have to take a drive." She handed the card over and he took it looking at the with precision. "Good luck on your_ research _." She said unable to wait for her shift to be over so she could chat with Rebecca herself about the visitor._

Turbulence woke her up and she looked at the map. They were flying over Iceland now. She then saw her neighbor asleep beside her. She wondered if he ever called Rebecca. Not being concerned with that she kept her gaze on the blinking lights on the wings. It was dark now meaning they would be landing in the early morning hours. Jet lag wouldn't catch her though, she never had a problem with it. She just adjusted well. Plus a few extra hours of sleep on the plane couldn't hurt her. Then the stewardess' began to patrol asking if anyone needed any blankets or if they would like dinner. Mila looked at the man and didn't know if she should wake him or leave him. She decided he would need to eat. She lightly tapped his shoulder. He awoke with a jerk and seemed very afraid of something.

"Hey, just letting you know dinner is coming around." He calmed down a bit and put his head against the rest.

"Thanks." When the cart came their way Mila selected water and the cajun tilapia. Seafood reminded her of home. Her neighbor seemed to have more difficulty choosing between the fish or salad.

"Do you ever get to choose anything?" She said smiling a bit. He gave her a sideways glare before picking the tilapia as well.

"What would you like like to drink? WE have coca cola products." Kelly said.

"Coke?" He asked more so trying to figure out if it was the same thing. They always just called it coke in his day. Handing him the can he looked at his meal and tried to figure out the can. Then the stewardess put a glass of ice in front of him and went to the next row. Mila was already eating and looked over at him.

"So have you talked to Rebecca? She really helped me with that Barnes exhibit." She watched for his reaction.

"No." He spoke picking up the silverware. It's not that he didn't know how to eat, it had just been so long. Bucky jumped a bit when the person beside him opened their pop can.

"You ok?" Mila could tell he was uncomfortable. "Have you ever flown before?"

"What yeah." He pulled the tab of the can and poured it into the glass taking a drink he nearly spat it back up choking on it. This was not the coke he was used to. It was too sweet, and something else was off. Mila put her fork down and patted his back.

"Geez, I shoulda let you sleep." She said once she was certain he wasn't choking.

"That tastes terrible." He said. She grabbed her bottle of water and offered it to him.

"This one doesn't have a flavor." He grabbed it and chugged down enough to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Thanks." He offered it back to her and she nodded.

"Just keep it, I'll take your coke." She pulled it from his tray and on to her own.

"So why are you going to Frankfurt?"

"No reason." She raised an eyebrow not believing him.

"Strange we end up side by side on a trip to the same place." She said stuffing a bite of fish in her mouth.

"Pure coincidence." He said following suit. The pair looked at each other both with suspicion.

"Or is it fate? Two people looking for answers from the past on the same flight." She took a drink from his coke and smiled.

"What's in that journal?" He said cutting to the point. Alarmed that he may have meant the blue one she played dumb. In her back she could feel the pressure climbing up her spine knowing she was on the break of anxiety.

"What?"

"That journal with all the names." Her anxiety left her. She was still safe.

"That's what I am working on for the Smithsonian. I had an idea to do an exhibit dedicated to the P.O.W.'s and those M.I.A. when we switch out from the Captain America exhibit." He watched her carefully as she spoke not wanting to miss anything. She could be lying and could be out to kill him, there was just no telling. But he did see her in the museum working so there was a slim chance.

"Sounds like an honorable idea." He said turning back to his food. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had the luxury of eating a hot meal.

"I think any man who would give his life for his country deserves better than his forgotten death on enemy lines." The way she said it made him second guess her intentions but he tried not to show it. Did she recognize him from the exhibit. He looked so different from that James Buchanan Barnes. Yet, that was the man he seemed to be at one point in this long life. The pair ate the rest of the meal in silence letting the perfectly timed steward take their plates away. Mila put her headphones back in and tried to get a little more sleep before they landed. She closed her eyes again falling into a dreamless slumber. Bucky looked over at the woman but couldn't find anything about her that seemed threatening. He took a deep breath in hoping that he could just for the remainder of the flight get a smidge of sleep. Sleep that would offer no nightmares, no memories, nothing. When his head hit the seat it was dark long enough for him to think he would escape it but no, memories came back to him with a vendetta.

 _He was running in the forest. He wasn't running after a target, he was the target. He noticed a cliff in the distance that would be too risky for even him to jump. However he was out of options, he just knew he couldn't get caught by this person. He pushed himself harder and gained the momentum and leapt from the edge to the other side. He landed rolling onto his back. Looking across the cliff he couldn't see the figure who was chasing him but he should have looked up because that figure was nearly putting him to shame in the jump. They landed in front of him and kneeled down to where his body was._

" _There's only two ways this can end. Good or bad. I hate it when you go rogue on us." They had a hood on casting shadows to hide the expression._

" _You know I hate going back. Just don't take me back." A hand landed on his metal shoulder._

" _Now, you know I can't do that." Bucky sighed. He knew fighting would be wasted. This person would out maneuver him and he would lose._

" _Please." He begged_

" _Oh, don't you dare beg. You know that doesn't work with me." The figure pulled him up by the metal arm and made him sit up right. "I have the Soldier." They spoke over a com._

" _One day Red_ ** _Sentinel_** _I will get you back."_

" _Man, you are 0-8 now. I don't think I have a thing to worry about." The dream faded to him being placed back into the chair to have his brain wiped and be prepped for another mission. He could just see from the shadows of the room the Red Sentinel standing arms crossed. As the machine came to life he shook._

Her neighbor's movements woke Mila and she rubbed her eyes. She looked at the map again and her watch. She had some time still. Taking the blue journal out she ran her fingers over it. She knew she couldn't open it right now, but not because it wasn't christmas but something in her mind told her it was not the time to. She tucked it back in her bag and grabbed her black research journal out and started mapping out her destinations of exactly where to go. Her planning took the rest of the flight. The seatbelt light came on and her neighbor woke up the first time the plane hit the runway. Mila had all of her belongings in her bag and waited.

"I hope you get all the information you were looking for. Do you still have my card?" She asked as the man. He looked a million miles away from her. She just shut her mouth. With the all clear they removed their seatbelts and she waited for him to move. "Well, I hope to see you back at the Smithsonian some day." She said before they parted ways. She offered a warm smile and walked to the baggage claim. Bucky just tried to get his bearings. It seemed like forever before she saw her luggage. But it was unmistakable when it came bright green and hard lid. She pulled the handle out and let it roll behind her. As she went to catch her bus she stopped seeing a sign with her name on it. She looked at the driver in uniform watching for someone to approach him. She pulled out her phone and pulled up her email trying to see if the Smithsonian arranged a driver for her. There was no email. She called her boss.

"Hey Jared, did you get a driver for me at Frankfurt?"

"No, did you miss the bus? Need me to get you a ride? I really want this exhibit to go well so if you need something just call me."

"Well, I seem to have gotten a driver. You are sure you didn't send him?"

"No. I mean it could be for someone else." She really doubted it. Not too many people were named Lyudmila Raden.

"Oh yeah some other girl is getting in. Just paranoid I guess." She lied. She didn't want him to worry about her. "Ok gotta go." She hung up not wanting to talk, just wanting to get away. "Fuck." She mumbled under her breath. She looked at her phone then back up where a form appeared in front of her blocking her view of the driver.

"If you didn't get a driver, I suggest you come with me." It was her neighbor.

"Why?" She said alarmed. He grabbed her luggage and slung it over his shoulder.

"Because I recognize that man and it will not be pretty if you get in a car with him. Let's go." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders trying to make this look as though two friends had met up. Mila could feel her heart beat quicken.

"What do I do?" She asked.

"How were you planning to leave?" He asked looking over his shoulder.

"Bus was going to drop me off at my hotel."

"Well, if we are lucky we can still do that without getting caught." However when he looked over his shoulder at the driver he was speaking into a walkie and walking with purpose towards them. "And there went our luck." He looked around and saw some random civilians grabbing guns out of their jackets and aiming his way. Those who were innocent began running away and the pair was surrounded by five agents pointing guns their way.

"Looks like you got lost, good thing we found you." One said. The man looked around and sighed. He thought he was done fighting.

"Stay low." He dropped her bag and she picked it up. The fire rang out and Mila looked hid behind her bag knowing it wouldn't hold up against the bullets for long but her one ally pulled a gun out and shot two of the agents and one of the others grabbed Mila by the hair and began to drag her way. She screamed and planted her feet grabbing his arms she forced herself up kicked the guy in the face causing him to let her go and he stood back up pulling out a gun at her. She took a split second to decide how to handle this. She punched him in the gut as he fired missing her. watching him double over she grabbed his head and made his face make contact with her knee knocking him out. Turning she saw her neighbor fighting off two men. She ran his way and grabbed her green bag she swung and it extended. Her ally had punched one guy hard enough to send him flying towards her where she hit him in the back of the head with her bag. She looked around there should be another. And there was. He had a gun pointed at her from across the terminal. He shot and she moved to the side. He missed but he kept firing until his gun ran out. She kept moving trying to avoid the hit but the last one grazed the back of her thigh.

"Fuck." She muttered. Bucky looked over at her and saw her bleeding. With one punch placed right he knew he would kill the man with his strike. His arm had too much power to do anything less. He went after the last man who struck Mila. She fell to her knees. Bucky scooped her up and let the last bastard go. He needed to get her safe before he began to ask why HYDRA was after her as well. It was awkward to carry her because of the backpack she had on, but he managed. Mila put an arm around him. "That may sting later." She spoke trying to focus on anything other than her leg. When the fresh air hit her it helped but she was still bleeding out of her leg. he broke into a car and set her in the passenger seat. She looked at the car. WEll if she died of blood loss she would at least die in luxury. A cherry red ferrari wasn't the best getaway car but it would get them away fast. Bucky hot wired it and the engine revved. He drove out of the parking lot and saw two black SUV's following behind. Bucky groaned and floored it shifting through the gears as fast as he could. Police sirens could be heard in the distance but he paid them no mind as he tried to lose the SUV's. Then more gunfire. The side mirror Mila was looking out of shattered and she screamed. "Well now what?!" SHe yelled.

"I'm thinking." He was on public roadways and weaving out of traffic was more difficult than he imagined. The gun fire flew between the pair shattering the windshield. "Shit" He grabbed a gun out of his waistband and looked at Mila. She pieced together his plan.

"Ok shoot them. I got this." She took the wheel and Bucky punched through the soft top of the car and keeping his foot on the accelerator Mila tried to maneuver herself to the driver seat. It wasn't so hard in a small sports car but it really sucked that there was blood all over these italian leather seats. "Move your foot please." She said as he shot at the SUV windshield. His aim was still good, the driver was down and the SUV swerved to the side rolling into a nearby building. Another shot hit the car and and she felt some pain in her shoulder. She tried not to focus on that too much, driving this hot rod was her bigger concern.

"Can you keep it steady." Bucky said aiming at the SUV.

"Sure no problem." She said moving to the side to not hit another car. She heard another shot from the man above her and could see the SUV blow up in the rearview. The man spun back around and sat in the passenger seat.

"Take this exit." He said. She followed his directions. He directed her to a hospital.

"Why are we here?"

"You're bleeding!" She pulled back out of the parking lot and went down back down the road that lead her here. "What-"

"If I am being hunted, they will be checking records. They know I am hurt, first place they will check." She saw a pharmacy ahead. At least that what the sign suggested a green cross was universal across Europe.

"so we ask a random pedestrian?"

"Of course not. I'll just have to do it myself." She made sure there were no suspicious people or vehicles around and turned to enter the building parking lot.

"...Just going to walk in bleeding everywhere?" He asked as she pulled into a spot parallel to the store. She grabbed her wallet out of her jacket.

"It would appear so." She put the car in park and got out. After she took off her backpack She took the jacket off and tied it around her waist. Noting that her shoulder was in a lot of pain when she moved. The back was just long enough to cover the wound in her leg. She felt the pained spot in her shoulder but didn't feel blood, that was at least a good sign. Bucky was going to follow but thought better of it. He just waited outside the door keeping watch. Five minutes she was back out with a paper bag. She saw him standing about a foot away with his back to her. Quickly she grabbed her backpack from the car and made sure there were no other items she left behind. She grabbed his right arm and began walking down the street. He was tense until he looked at who it was. Mila used his strength to gimp around. Her thigh was really hurting. "I figure they are probably looking for our car too. What do we do now?" He looked back at the car that had battle wounds. Shame. He kind of liked it.

"We need to get you patched up." She looked around and saw an abandoned building ahead.

"That good enough" It looked like a church upon closer inspections.

"It'll do." He said helping her in. She laid down on a pew that seemed to still be intact. She opened the bag and pulled out the things he would need.

"I doubt you have much medical training but there is no way I can do this to myself. I am not that flexible. Help me out." She stood untying the jacket and mentally preparing herself for the fact her jeans would have to come off in front of this man. "ok so, in order to get the thigh stitched up i'm going to need to take my pants off so don't freak out." she said the words more for herself than the stranger. She slipped them off but not without wincing as the material scraped the wound. Feeling lightheaded she held out the peroxide from her medical supplies and laid down. "pour this on it. You'll do it about three times make sure it stops bubbling. Then use the-"

"I have given medical attention before." he said though he couldn't remember who or why, he knew buried deep there was training for this. Was it when he was in the army? Surely the soviets found no need for it. He cleaned the wound being gentle as he could and tried not to focus on the black fabric that left her dignity in tact. Instead he looked at her other thigh and saw a long jagged scar. "what's the other scar from" he said threading a needle. She turned her head to face him instead of the pew that kept her attention through the stinging.

"pissed someone off. They didn't want to listen. They were very stubborn." she said laying her head down. As the man patched her up pulling the thread tight enough to let the skin heal.

"the other guy look worse?" he asked trying to keep her talking to make sure she wouldn't pass out.

"well he didn't listen much better the next time." she said smirking. They looked at each other for a moment long enough for the man to feel awkward. "Looks like I'll have to patch you up to." She nodded her head toward his. He put a gloved hand to his head and sure enough there was blood coming from his temple.

"Not too worried about it. And I shouldn't be too worried about you either. You handled yourself well back there." he pulled the thread and bit it to cut it.

"well i have to close the museum a lot in the summer but I just walk home. I took some self defense classes at the VA when they offered them." the man shook his head it made sense. But why did she think to avoid the hospital. Even he didn't think of that. Well he assumed they were only after him. Why then did she think they were after her? What was she hiding.

"So you think that those men were after you?"

"Why would they be after you?" She retorted.

"Because, I- your shoulder took a hit too right?"

"Yeah nice deflection."

"Well you didn't answer me either." He said looking at her shoulder. He pulled the material down slowly checking to make sure there was nothing wrong. "There's nothing here. It's just bruised." He let the fabric go and stood up. He grabbed her jeans and held them out for her.

"Thanks. I just figured" she pushed herself up hissing when her shoulder gave her more pain. "That when they were dragging me away from the airport it was for a reason." She sat up collecting herself. She really should be resting. She grabbed her pants and put them on carefully. "Why would they be after you?" She said gesturing towards the pew. He sat down and she grabbed a cloth. Quickly and with gentleness that he had not felt in, god he couldn't remember, she began to wipe the blood off his face cupping his jaw tenderly.

"No reason." She put her hands on her hips and raised a brow.

"You just really paranoid huh?" She went back to work and saw that the cut was nothing too bad. SHe could easily put some gauze on it and butterfly bandages.

"So, uh i thought you worked in a museum. How do you know how to do all this if-"

"I was a medical student before I realized I knew more about the past than saving people's lives. I don't think I was too good at it anyway." She said as though trying to hide something. She put the bandage on and a small piece of gauze to cover it. "There you go." She smiled at him and grabbed the supplies not used and stuffed them in the side pockets of her bag. "Now what." She said slinging the bag over her shoulder.

"Now we get you somewhere safe."

"Alright." She looked around the building and saw a door in the back. "You lead." Bucky couldn't believe how quickly his plan of staying low and hiding went to shit. Now he had to protect this girl from HYDRA as well as himself. He didn't know why they would want her though and he really didn't want to be captured by them again, but that little sliver of gentleman officer in him was not going to leave a woman alone to deal with an organization like this. Lyudmila on the other hand was hoping that the man she was helping wasn't working for the bad guys and would get her somewhere safe. I mean who can trust a stranger that much?


	2. Keeping Hidden

"So I have a question" Mila walked behind the man who was so willing to help her. When he didn't say anything she continued. "How did you manage to get two guns on the plane without TSA up your ass?" she just needed something to occupy her thoughts to take her mind off her leg. Bucky tried to think of an excuse. What would make logical sense? Telling her he had a metal arm with sensors that could deactivate a metal detector wasn't normal.

"Air marshal." he said. He understood the basics of their job, had to take a few out over the years. They continued walking along the edge of the city the pair kept a sharp eye for anything looking suspicious.

"If you were wouldn't you have called for backup at the airport?" Bucky did not know whether to be annoyed or paranoid.

"I had it handled." she could tell he didn't like answering her questions so she kept quiet. She didn't know where he would lead her but she hoped she could rest soon. Her leg was killing her. Bucky took note of her silence and checked on her. He saw her nursing her leg and he stopped for a moment.

"Take a break."

"Where are we going?" She asked sitting down against a tree.

"A smaller city about twelve miles out." He said looking at the sky trying to make sure they were still going the right direction.

"Twelve miles on this leg? No. We are getting another car or something. This isn't happening." He sighed, thinking on it if he really wanted to keep her safe he would need to get her someplace before nightfall. Looking around he tried to figure out what his options were. They were too far out of the city to turn around and he couldn't see any homes around. He nodded and looked at her. She had her eyes closed trying to sleep, it wasn't jet lag tugging at her it was blood loss and fighting. Suddenly she felt arms around her picking her up bridal style. "Hi." She said alarmed that he was carrying her. "You doing this for twelve miles?" He didn't say a word just kept walking through the woods. They didn't make it a mile before they heard a motor. "What-"

"Shhh." He placed her up on her feet and she began to worry. It was getting closer which made no sense. Bucky stayed away from the main road and let the woods hide them from any eyes above. He looked around trying to find a place for Mila to hide until he could figure out what the threat was. He pointed ahead at a place where the ground dipped and a large rock had settled into the ground. "Hide." She gimped off as the noise grew closer. Bucky pulled out his handgun that thankfully had two shots left in it. He hid behind a tree and waited for the noise to meet his vantage point. Peering around the tree he saw an ATV with one man on it. Why would HYDRA only send in one man? Did they know she was hurt? Did they forget their asset was out here too? The vehicle stopped short of the rock where Mila was hiding behind. She knew they were on the other side but didn't know what they had on their side or how many there were. She tried to take deep breaths and calm herself. Would she need to fight? A single gunshot rang out and she froze. If it was to scare her out of hiding she wouldn't play into their hands. She closed her eyes to gather her courage and looked around the rock and saw an atv with no one on it as she turned around there was her savior standing above her.

"Where is it?" he asked clearly pissed. She furrowed her brow not understanding.

"What?" he held out a cell phone that had a flashing red dot in the middle of a map. Piecing it together she began looking through her bag. " I knew they were to buff to work the TSA." she looked over her journals and saw nothing. There was nothing on the outside of her bag either. She watched him look through her bag, he only got in deep enough for the journals and a spare poncho. Bucky looked at her ankle and saw the tracker on her shoe. It was black, so it blended. Smart. He grabbed her ankle. "hey!" he pulled it off and threw it to the ground. "Why wouldn't you just destroy it?" she asked re packing her bag.

"You are more likely to lose your shoe if he caught you than him destroying it bringing you to their base. Now come on we got a ride to town." he walked over to the four wheeler and hopped on. Mila slowly got her leg up over the seat made for one and stayed close to the man wrapping her arms around his waist. Somewhere between the breeze and his warmth Mila felt herself falling asleep. Bucky couldn't remember how long it had been since someone was so trusting and gentle with him. Her head was resting on his back and knowing she would fall asleep he used his right arm to hold her arms around him. He saw the small town ahead but after thinking better of it he would stop here just to get a different ride. HYDRA gave windows for mission completion before they would send in more soldiers to complete a task. As he pulled into the town he saw an older car that said for sale in german on the window. Well he could take that car off their hands. He nudged mila making her wake up. He pointed at the car ahead and she got off the ATV.

"Do I need to buy it?" she said sighing. Bucky shook his head. "wait. There an ATM somewhere? I can buy that. I'll get the rest of the money off my card. I would hate for them to track me through my debit card."

"What?" Bucky honestly had no idea what she was talking about.

"It's like 3 in the afternoon. We aren't committing grand theft auto. Find a bank."

"We don't have time for this." he said. Looking inside the windows of the home. It was all dark. No neighbors were around.

"but-"

"Do you want to be captured? I'll go get that tracker and you can sit and wait for them. I for one am not getting caught by HYDRA again." he said punching his way through the window of the car. She clenched her jaw and crossed her arms.

"So you've worked with them before? How do i know you aren't working for them now?" bucky opened the door and unlocked the passenger side.

"Because I would have turned you in by now!" he said messing with the wires. Mila didn't know whether to be offended or shocked at his outburst. Mila walked off towards town while he had his head buried in the electronics of the car. Bucky touched two wires together and heard the car rev to life. He smiled at his work. He stood up "Mila let's...go..." she was nowhere to be found. "Damnit." he got in the car and drove off the yard looking for her. She was just around the corner walking into the town. Bucky drove slowly beside her. "Do you want to get in this thing?" he said through the broken window. She glanced his way and kept walking. The houses were getting closer together and more people were visible. Bucky couldn't just grab her and throw her in the trunk like he really wanted to right now. Seeing a street she'd have to cross he sped up and stopped in the middle of it forcing her to cross his path. "Look here-"

"No! I have to get the money off of my card because I am not the type to steal to survive! If I use my card then HYDRA tracks our every move. So let me do this and then you can whisk me off to Disneyworld." She walked around the back of the car and kept going.

"Fine!" He said throwing his hands in the air hitting the roof of the car. Mila smirked, thankful he couldn't see it. She always knew how to work them. She spun around and opened the passenger door and he drove into the town with people leaving work and hanging with friends. She saw a small family walking around the streets laughing at what their new puppy was doing on his leash. Her heart broke at the scene. Why couldn't she have that kind of life?

Bucky found a bank and parked letting Mila out. She got her wallet out of her inside jacket pocket and left the backpack in the car. He had no idea how long this would take. He had never been to a bank before. All his money was kept in a jar in his room, well, what little he would have. He always had just enough to help his siblings out and Steve. Steve, who was he? A face flashed before him. A scrawny kid with blond hair always falling in his face.

 _He was in Brooklyn it was 1934. He had that Steve kid walking by his side as they walked past all the people._

 _"_ _Look Buck, you don't need to do this. I could have made my own dinner."_

 _"_ _Steve you couldn't even find your apartment key. You expect me to let you try to cook a dinner on your own? You'd burn down the building." He said with a small laugh. Steve smiled a bit and punched him in the arm._

 _"_ _Jerk." Bucky wrapped an arm around him and patted his shoulder._

 _"_ _Yeah yeah you punk." They arrived at a diner and Bucky pushed the door open letting Steve go in first._

 _"_ _Hey Bucky-"_

The car door flung open and Mila saw him jump a little. Like he was daydreaming.

"Let's go." She said putting an envelope in her backpack. Bucky had to regain his bearings and looked at the girl sitting next to him. He wasn't in 1934. He wasn't in Brooklyn. It was 2015 and he was in some town in Germany. He put the car in gear and began to drive off. His next location would be completely out of the country he needed to move as fast as possible. He didn't know how many HYDRA agents were still out there but he didn't want to find out.

Mila on the other hand was trying to figure out how to go about her research now that her entire plan had went out the window. She was here to get away from everything at home and yet those fears seemed to follow her. Putting her forehead against the window as the scenery passed she wondered if she could ever have a silver of a normal life. She had just started at the museum six months ago and was loving everything about it. Finally she felt like she had belonged somewhere. Her exceptional knowledge was appreciated and not questioned. She found a family when she talked to the other historians and now she may have to give up a project she wanted to do for so long.

"Where are we going?" She asked looking at the Rhine in the distance.

"A safe place."

"In what country?"

"Italy." With a small laugh Mila thought about the destination.

"Why is that funny?" Bucky looked over at her and studied her face, it was obvious she was hiding a secret.

"Orvieto?" She questioned with a growing smile. Bucky didn't answer. How did she know where he was going? Hell, he couldn't even remember what was so safe about the place but he knew that's where he could go and be free of everything. "I'll take that as a yes." The sun was about to set and she enjoyed the view out the window. She tried to remember Orvieto as her most beautiful memories painted it. It was a town up on a hill, small but the locals were so friendly.

 _She walked down the street with two cups of coffee in her hands. The steam reached her nose filling her with the rich aroma. They didn't have coffee like this in America. She could see her table across the street looking once before crossing she set the cup down across from the man reading the paper._

 _"_ _I didn't think you could read Italian." She said sipping from her cup._

 _"_ _I can look at the pictures though." The man said. She smiled and pulled the paper down to look at his blue eyes. He smirked at her and folded the paper setting it down on the table. "What's you get me this time Miss. Raden?"_

 _"_ _Just a coffee, black. That's how you like it."_

 _"_ _Oh you know my coffee taste?"_

 _"_ _Better than you do." She said drinking from her cup._

Bucky hot a bump in the road and saw Mila shift in her seat. IT was nearly dark and they would be crossing into Switzerland any minute now. Yet, he had to avoid passport checks or else they could be found. He pulled the car off of the road and into the woods that lined the road. Mila sat up and looked at the trees with concern.

"Um…"

"We will have to cross the boarder on foot and hope we don't get caught. We can't risk getting checked in."

"I see." She said obviously grumpy.

"Look get some sleep and I'll wake you up when it's darker."

"Fine." She crawled in the back seat leaving her bag in the front seat and curled up hissing when she hit her shoulder on the way. Bucky reclined in the seat but he didn't sleep, his mind was running too fast. When would HYDRA strike again? Where could they be safe? Why was HYDRA chasing them in the first place? He looked in the rearview mirror at Mila whose eyes were open and looking at him in the mirror as well.

"Why are they after you?"

"I can't tell you. You might kill me." She said without emotion. "Why are you helping me?" She asked sitting up.

"I'm not sure it just feels like the right thing to do." He looked back at her looking into her brown eyes. She smiled leaning her head against the passenger head rest. "Should I have left you at the airport?"

"I would have if I were you." Her words were laced with despair. She was letting Bucky know she had a secret and Bucky couldn't remember if he had seen her before on a mission. He had a hard time remembering much of anything. She got out of the car and Bucky did too.

"Where are you going?" He asked leaning over the roof as she grabbed her backpack from the front seat.

"We better keep moving I think we've had enough sleep. Don't want HYDRA to catch us." She started walking away and Bucky followed grabbing her arm and stopping her. It was the first time he could remember using his metal arm without the intent to harm. Upon realizing he was touching her with that arm he immediately released his hold.

"What do you know that I don't?"

"That we should be moving not waiting in a stolen car." She said. Mila looked down at his hands still wearing gloves an odd thing to do in summer months. Bucky put his hands in his pockets and stood taller.

"You want to hike in the woods in the dark?" He asked. She looked around and took in the scenery.

"Well if we cross over to Switzerland maybe the wild life is more friendly there and we won't get mauled." Walking away Bucky sighed admiring her will but still annoyed, he wanted to sleep just as much as she did but she was right they needed to keep moving if they wanted to avoid HYDRA.

They walked on in the silence for hours and finally Mila stopped an leaned against a tree.

"Yeah we can rest here for the night."

"In the middle of the woods?" He asked. Mila shook her head and pointed ahead, through the dense trees you could see the slight glimmer of lights. That meant a town was near.

"If we can get there maybe they have a place we can stay for a while or at least another abandoned building." She was nursing her leg as she pushed off the tree, be it she was tried from being on the leg or being up for too long she couldn't be sure. Bucky lightly touched her shoulder to stop her.

"May I?" He asked putting his right arm around her back intending to lift her up.

"Last time we tried this we had a HYDRA guard catch up to us." He scooped her up anyway and she put an arm around his neck. "But I guess we can try it again." She kept her eyes focused on the man helping her so much and saw how much pain he had been though. The moonlight seemed to show the true man behind that handsome face. He had seen things Mila wished she could understand but she had her own problems to worry about. Looking at his forehead she could see her bandage job from earlier and made a note to check it later. Hopefully he wouldn't need to check her leg again. Thinking on the situation of being carried through the woods in a foreign country she laughed at how ridiculous this had all become.

"What?" Bucky asked looking down at her.

"I am just laughing at the irony of my situation is all." She looked at the town that was just beyond the tree line now.

The pair found themselves a small inn in the middle of the town that was still open regardless of the lateness of the hour, or would it be earliness? Giving fake names they walked down the hall to their room ignoring the dirtiness of the place. Bucky unlocked the door and Mila saw that there was a private bathroom with a shower. Thank God. She put her bag on the floor and began to look around the room turning on the small desk light.

"So, what happens now? How long before they catch up to us or find me?"

"No clue."

"Explanations are just not your strong suit are they" She said walking over to the window that offered her very little in landscape, unless you found brick buildings and dingy alleys to be breath-taking. The man stepped beside her and pulled the blinds shut.

"Keep 'em closed." Mila rolled her eyes.

"Well since we actually have some time to breathe, how about you tell me exactly what is going on. Why would HYDRA be after you? And how do I know you're not an agent who is going to kill me?"

"Is that the impression I give?" He said with one emotion she had not yet seen, concern. It made her want to retract her statement.

"Well, when you spend all day and night being brooding and mysterious and not talking…" she led putting her hands up as if to tell him duh and he looked at his feet.

"James... Lincoln." His voice was barely audible.

"Is that your name or are you telling me about Presidents? My favorite is Theodore Roosevelt." She smiled as she told the fact.

"I suppose he was decent." He said looking at her

"Decent?! So much better than most give him credit for." Mila was enjoying this small bit of conversation.

"Please. No one is better than Buchanan." And like that, the black curtain that hid his emotions had dropped.

"Oh you're a Buchanan fan? Theodore Roosevelt was so amazing, kids asked Santa to meet him! Buchanan left Lincoln to fight a civil war. Hardly enduring of a president." She crossed her arms in triumph.

"Buchanan doesn't run from war." His brow furrowed at the thought. "Or at least I didn't."

"What?" He ignored the girl and grabbed one pillow from the bed and made his way to the couch in the room.

"We will have maybe a day here. So I suggest you clean up and get some rest." He put the pillow on one end of the couch and laid his head down on it with his back to his guest. Mila stood not sure what to do she felt awkward, James (as she finally learned) had been protecting her since she got here and now he was just going to sleep on the couch. She walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Like a reflex he had her throat in his grasp with his right hand. Realizing his mistake he released her but not before the fear in her eyes left a pang of guilt. She massaged the spot where his hand had been.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you, I just wanted to offer you the bed. You've been helping me for a while, it's the smallest way to thank you." She said with compassion. Bucky shook his head.

"Nah, lady gets the bed." Mila as stubborn as she was didn't take that. She grabbed his right forearm and rolled him off the couch. He hit the floor with a loud thud and looked up at her with shock.

"Get your ass in the bed. I can sleep on the couch and enjoy every second of it." He sighed, he didn't know what he got himself into saving this girl but her fire was a bit much for him trying to recover and piece together his life. She held her right hand out for him so he could get up and he ignored it not wanting to touch her at all with the metal arm. She still didn't know and that's the way he wanted to keep it. He walked over to the bed and laid down watching as Mila smirked at him as though to show triumph. She grabbed her bag and went to the bathroom to shower. While she was inside Bucky took his gloves off and looked at his hands. A flashback of being in a lab hit him and he closed his eyes trying to forget, it only made it more clear.

The lab was ill-lit and a little man with glasses stood over him recording everything.

"How are we Solider?" The doctor asked in German. Bucky tried to move but noticed he was strapped down in a chair. Looking ahead he could see a figure standing without emotion on their face as they watched him being tortured. "Are you going to thank the Sentinel for bringing you back?" The same doctor asked. The machine came to life and Bucky could feel the electric shock running through him. Bucky yelled and stood up causing the flashback to disappear but Mila in a towel to run out of the bathroom. With barely a second to think he put his hands in his pockets hoping she hadn't noticed how his left hand shined.

"Are we ok? Do we need to go?" The shower was still on in the bathroom, Mila only just turned it on when she heard him yell. Her hair was down now after all day in a ponytail and something of familiarity stirred. He liked brunettes. Always did. When he looked back at her frightened face Bucky shook his head.

"No, we are fine. I'm sorry." She looked confused and kept the towel tight around herself.

"Are you sure? Because I am not running out of this place naked." He smiled for the second time that night.

"I will fight off anyone long enough for you to get dressed. Deal?"

"Fine." She walked back in and Bucky sat down on the bed looking down at his muddy boots. He needed to unwind for a moment. He was constantly on hunter mode. Always ready to run. A few hours to relax wouldn't harm them any. He had lost the HYDRA troops that chased them and killed the others. He deserved this. He took his boots off and his outer jacket. He stripped til his long sleeve shirt and boxers were all that remained and got under the blankets. As he lay down he heard her singing in the shower. That Mila woman who he still hadn't figured out why HYDRA would have tried to kill. He could hear her beautifully and the song he actually knew. Through the walls she sang about a bugle boy from company B. Bucky mouthed along with her as the song went on.

They made him blow a bugle for his Uncle Sam

It really brought him down because he couldn't jam

The captain seemed to understand

Because the next day the cap' went out and drafted the band...

when she was done she opened the door only to find James on his back asleep. She smiled and looked at how peaceful he was when he wasn't trying to save her or kill an enemy. She grabbed a blanket out of the linen closet and turned off the light on her way to lay down on the couch. She quickly covered herself as all she had in the way of sleepwear was a big tank top and her underwear.

"How do you know that song?" Bucky asked. Mila turned to face him on the bed and noticed he was facing her as well. Shadows of the pair were all that could be seen but it was enough.

"I like older songs. My life revolves around WWII."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm a historian remember? It's my job right now to fill in the gaps in WWII history." Mila was proud of her work. It made the past clearer for people today and she hoped that they could learn from the mistakes made.

"The gaps?"

"I have towns being destroyed, soldiers MIA, and POWs... families need answers. I had an idea for an exhibit at the Smithsonian and they let me go work on it." Bucky laughed a bit. She had to find the Prisoners of War? If she only knew that the longest serving one was in the same room. "Why is that funny?"

"No, it's just…" Bucky was trying to cover it up. He wanted her to think that he was as normal as possible. "I would have thought most POWs are dead and families are certain of that as well. Why waste the time?"

"You don't know that. Some could have been freed and are stuck over here. Some could still be alive. But even if they are dead, their families deserve closure, they need to know when and have a proper funeral at home." Bucky admired her for this passion. He was glad that the shadows of the room hid that smile. Something about the way she cared reminded him of something so close to him, but he couldn't remember exactly. Yet he could place that anger that brimmed at the end of her words and was no fool.

"Who are you missing?" Bucky asked.

"Someone who was very dear to the family. He was Killed in Action."

"What was his name?"

"Wilbur Paul Mitchell." She spoke softly. Bucky thought it rang a bell but with HYDRA still in his head nothing was clear. Mila had only the picture on her phone of a man in uniform but she cherished it. Getting up she got her phone out of her pants pocket.

"Where are you going?" She unlocked her phone and sat on the bed next to the man she meet only hours ago. She pulled up the image and handed the phone to Bucky the picture gave him a headache, not because of the light in the dark room but because there was a memory trying to resurface that was still being suppressed by HYDRA.

"'He deserved so much better than what he got." Bucky handed the phone back and was still being pained by a headache that was turning into a migraine.

"We have to leave tomorrow afternoon. Let's get some sleep." Bucky shuffled and laid on his bionic arm uncomfortable but it let him turn away from the girl and the screen that would no doubt lead him to finding out more about himself, but this migraine didn't make it seem like an enduring promise. Mila didn't know how to take his reaction. Should she be upset? She took the phone with her to the couch and tried to make herself comfortable but the only thing comfortable was facing the bed where James still had his back to her. She looked at her phone screen and saw the task list with family names and cities to be found during her research. She needed to figure out how to get James to take her to an old army base. That's where the bulk of her research needed to be focused, for her own selfish need. Scrolling through her phone to unwind her eyes began to flutter close and her phone fell out of her hand and onto the floor with a loud thud that woke up only Bucky. He looked around the room but couldn't see a damn thing. He turned the light on forgetting that he had a guest and nearly jumped into killer mode before piecing together it was her phone on the floor that made the noise. He turned the light back off and laid on his back. He just wanted one peaceful night of sleep. He hoped this would be that night. He was so tired from running.

AN: hope you like it so far. I will try to update weekly or sooner. I am also going with a comic book fact here that Bucky's arm is equipped with sensors that make it able to pass through metal detectors and can conceal weapons. Also if you read the comics, Bucky doesn't get a happy ending alot of the time there either. Poor guy.


	3. Wildest Dreams

_AN: Thank you for your reviews. Thank you for reading. I own nothing._

 _Bucky was back in his camp with his men, the war still raged on and they had a mission they needed to deploy for in the morning. One of the nurses had an idea to lift their spirits before hand and that was to perform a little song and dance for the boys._

" _Now how did you get Betty to agree to this?" The Sargent asked a nurse._

" _Betty is a very lovely singer Sarge." She spoke pulling his hand and making him sit in the front of the crowd. He was laughing at these girls who always took care of his unit. They never failed to keep the men at their best. He sat down in the seat and the nurse quickly ran behind a makeshift stage. One of the men picked up the bugle and began playing and then three nurses came out pretending to be the Andrew Sisters. Bucky wasn't paying attention to the others, the one in the middle caught his eye, like she always did. She winked when he looked up at her, he never wanted to forget that face. She began to sing and dance with her nurse friends._

" _He was a famous trumpet man from ol' Chicago way…." They went on and Bucky couldn't believe how well Betty sang. She was the one in charge of the medical team and it seemed like everyday she found a new way to amaze him. When the trio finished their song the boys cheered and Bucky wanted nothing more than to run up and kiss that dark haired lady that stole his heart, but she was a Corporal and he couldn't be seen doing that. When Betty walked off the stage she sat next to Bucky on the bench._

" _This mission is only the start of HYDRA's plans for you." Betty said fading away. Next thing Bucky knew he was sitting in Zola's lab being tortured. He kept reciting his name rank and serial number. The standard training in the army gave troops this one task to focus on during torture. Zola came into the room and injected him with an unknown substance. From there is was just more pain. Fire in his veins that he couldn't put out. That's what it felt like._

 _Mila was dreaming of an unobtainable life. She was walking through some university as a professor and had to meet someone for lunch. Walking into her office she could smell something good coming from the inside. She opened the door and saw a young man dressed in a suit with some tray of hot food waiting on the side._

" _Hey mom." He said coming to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head._

" _How's my little guy?" She asked._

" _I'm in college mom, I'm not little guy anymore." She smiled, of course not. He was a grown man and she was proud of that. She released her hold on him and walked to the tray._

" _Always going to be my little guy, what did you have them bring up?"_

" _Just some roast. Look mom, I really appreciate all that you've done for me getting me into Princeton but I really just want to serve my country like you and dad did." Mila could feel the lump form in her throat._

" _Honey, you are on track to become a great doctor one day. Why are you going to throw that out?" tears were stinging her eyes. She didn't want her son to see the desolation of war. She didn't want to feel heartbreak because of another war. She was sick of it all. She just wanted to have her son be happy and safe._

" _Mom I have to serve, it's my civic duty!" She wrapped her arms back around her son._

" _NO!" She screamed. "You can't take my baby away from me!" As she cried she could feel the warmth of blood soaking her hands. Her son was gone and her office empty. All that was left in the room was a gun on the floor._

" _It is a success." She heard another voice calling overhead. Her crying stopped and she looked at the shadowed man. "You didn't need him anyway, you will be taking care of someone else now." He spoke approaching her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she felt drained like there was nothing left for her to feel. Then she heard a man's screams. Ones that she remembered hearing often._

Sitting up she saw James thrashing in the bed and yelling. She quickly ran to him and put her hands on his chest.

"Bucky, calm down." She said straddling him. He grabbed her arms bruising them and she tried to hide the pain. "Buck!" She said covering his mouth with her hand. His eye shot open and she could tell he was awake. She turned on the light and he quickly sat on his metal hand. "Are you ok?" She asked touching the side of his jaw gently not wanting him to feel anything less than at ease. He took a few breaths and held her hand in place with his own. He looked down at his lap.

"No." She forced him to look at her. For a second he saw a nurse cap on her head before remembering that was a time long ago. He sat up she was still on his lap.

"PTSD?" She was not afraid to explore his nightmare. She had been to the VA a few times and remembered them talking about their restless nights and how their loved ones couldn't sleep in the same room most nights. She didn't want him to feel secluded. His eyebrows furrowed trying to piece together a puzzle.

"You called me Bucky." Her hand slipped from his grasp and instantly he missed her touch.

"No I didn't." She said turning on the light. She looked at his head where she patched him up earlier. "I think you must have gotten some brain damage from that fight James." She lifting the gauze and seeing that there was hardly a mark under the butterfly bandage. She was alarmed but tried to hide it. He looked into her brown eyes and she looked more concerned than trying to hide something. "James, you going to be ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, how's your leg?" He asked moving his hand down to the back of her thigh. He could feel the stitches her leg and she shivered at the feel of his hand on such a sensitive spot.

"It's fine." She breathed out. Bucky moved his head to try and get a look but Mila quickly moved his head back to face her. "You should go back to sleep." she removed herself from him and walked into the bathroom so he couldn't see her leg. When she looked at it in the mirror it looked fine. Healing just as she knew it would. She walked back out to James who was sitting up in the bed still looking broken. She could see the day's events more clearly on his body now as he look worn. "Why don't you get a shower?" She said walking over to him sitting on his right side. He looked so defeated looking up at her. She grabbed his right arm and pulled just enough to motivate him. He got up and walked behind her. She walked into the bathroom and started the shower. When she leaned over Bucky could see how well the cut had healed on her leg. If he wasn't the one who had stitched her up earlier he would have guessed she got the slice way before getting on board a flight to Frankfurt. She turned around quickly and grabbed a complimentary towel from sink counter. "Do you need anything else?" She said handing the towel out to him. He grabbed it making sure to keep his metal hand hidden behind his back.

"No thank you." He said quietly. No one ever asked if he needed anything. HYDRA was never that kind. Mila smiled and walked out of the room. She went over to her bag to grab her blue journal hoping that writing would get her mind off of the dream she had. She sat at the foot of the bed and flipped to one of the few blank pages left in the back.

 _I guess I am not the only one who still suffers when the night sets in. I saw his face again and I still cry. It was so long ago that they made me do it and I just want to stop dwelling on the torture. I should be able to move on, but I can't. Why is my mind broken? Will I ever know what normal is? I haven't known anything normal since I was 24. Now here I am always living in the past no matter how painful it is. I just hope that by having him here it will help in some small measure-"_ Mila saw James standing behind from the corner of her eye. How long was he there? The shower was still running.

"Hi!" She said jumping up and closing the journal.

"Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the shower." He had the same clothes on as he went in with but his hair was wet. She got up and left her journal on the bed. Bucky looked at the cover but before he could even think of opening it to discover the secret she was keeping she emerged from the bathroom.

"We have got to get you something to wear to bed." She said looking him over. "You can't just get clean and then put the same dirty clothes on."

"It's all I have." He mumbled. Duh. Mila felt terrible after hearing him.

"I'm sorry." She put her head down and tried to work her way out of it.

"Can I ask a favor?" She looked at him and he seemed embarrassed.

"Yeah."

"I mean it's stupid but can you not talk about the war this late at night?" He hated telling her that because it was where her passion bloomed. Her whole job revolves around a war he didn't want to remember and what HYDRA did to him… just one good night of sleep.

"Yeah, you a vet?" She asked sitting on the bed. Mila tried to be cautious asking him about personal things but she would hope this could be a way for him to heal.

"Did you miss what I said?" He asked frustrated. Mila closed her eyes mentally punching herself for what she asked. She just left to go lay on the couch, clearly her speaking would make things worse and she didn't need that, not when she was on the run. She turned her back to James and closed her eyes hoping to be asleep soon.

Bucky on the other hand noticed that she had left her journal on the bed and wondered if she was really asleep. He turned off the light and hoped that would be enough to let her ease off so that he could just get a peek at who this woman was. He sat down watching her seeing how her breathing patterns were. He could hear the slightest snore from her direction. He slowly reached for the journal and took it into the bathroom. Turning on the light in the room would no doubt wake her. When he got to the bathroom and closed the door he turned on the light and placed the journal on the counter. He read the 'do not open until Christmas' label and thought it odd. He began thinking, his morals were surfacing. Something the Winter Soldier had suppressed thanks to his handlers. Was he really going to look through her private thoughts? But if they were secrets about him or information on a mission that he was a target for that was different right? He hated the debate. He opened the cover with his left hand settling with the idea that if the metal arm opened it and looked through a lady's private journal it would be dismissable because it was a part of HYDRA. There was a faded note on the inside that was decades old. In the corner was the date 1943. He could only make out a few words of the faded writing.

 _To the lady. Me_

 _From. Who will always need_

 _Thanks for pointing out_

He could figure out the words to fill in the blanks, but he could figure out it was a gift from some man to whomever he was trying to win over. Was this Mila's grandmother's journal? Was this a cherished piece of history that was too intimate to be touched by his hands? He looked at the first page and read the first couple lines. Oddly enough this was easier to read than the inside cover.

 _Well you got me this journal because you want me to remember all my days with you. I think it's a bit much to want that of a gal you just met but if I am completely honest (which one is to be in these journals) there is something in that charming smile, those dashing eyes, that beautiful soul that makes me believe you truly want the best for me. I don't even feel like my sweetheart in the Pacific theater wants that for me most days. Perhaps then God has sent us over here not only to bring peace to our world but to create our own little world you and me. Look at that this is ridiculous what you have me thinking already. I will keep these school girl dreams here in your book to be discovered on our wedding night for one good laugh. Until then, I will indeed be the loyal one to always be at your side when you need me as but a fellow officer until these feeling can no longer hide themselves in this bound leather alone._

That was the first page but there was so much more, there were things clipped to pages he could tell but it was only a journal. Nothing out of the ordinary. He flipped through some more pages and he stopped at one with a picture clipped to it. It was face down but the journal entry under the picture said one sentence.

 _To quote dear Theodore :"the light has gone out of my life."_

What an odd thing to say. He flipped the picture over and saw a face, his own. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, who wrote this journal? Wouldnt he remember giving it to a gal who seemed to be so very in love with him? He tried to remember the face from his dream, the one singing but every time he did it just made his head hurt. He closed the journal and leaned against the wall. He felt like the room was getting smaller. But he needed to hold it together, if he didn't manage this he would surely have an outburst that would wake Mila, whose journal had been the cause of his distress. He just didn't know how to control it, he had never felt like this before. This was not part of any training he received. He couldn't run to Mila, she was no doubt going to wonder why he was having a meltdown and he did not want her to know he had looked at her journal, or rather her grandmother's. He was starting to worry on top of his growing migraine and that's when it started getting worse. His heartbeat was quickening and his mind was running so fast thinking about a random string of images from his life. People he loved, targets he killed. Places he wanted to go, dreams that died. Words he would have never said, and promises that became broken. The only clear faces were ones he killed. Those who he wanted to remember were blurry, as if HYDRA still had ways to block out the unnecessary emotions. He slid down the wall and put his hands to his face hoping that if he couldn't see then the thoughts would go away. No such luck. He threw his head back against the wall in rage. The memories of the dead were the worst ones and they seemed to be the most frequent. He closed his eyes and felt like something was pushing down on his chest making it harder to breathe while at the same time something was putting weight on his shoulders. It was the most uncomfortable thing he had felt in some time, and that was saying something. He balled his hands into fists and his metal arm began to make noises like it did when calibrating for a fight. This time the enemy was his own mind. He put his arms on his knees and rested his head there trying to clear things up. He felt a pair of firms hands on his head running their fingers lightly through his hair.

"Bucky, name five things you can see." came Mila's voice. He tried to sort through what was dream and what was reality. He couldn't see much from where his head lay but he could see the bathroom floor and the few things scattered there in the short time two people occupied this room.

"The floor, a toilet paper roll, your shoes…. A towel…. And my feet." He said

"Four things you can hear Buck." She asked still running her fingers through his hair.

"Your voice, my heart beat. My voice…" He had to really focus to hear something else. "Breathing. We are breathing." He said. He could feel the tension in his back and chest start to ease.

"Three things you can touch." That was simple enough. Although thinking that he could touch his arm made him worry that Mila would see the metal hand. He quickly looked up at her and placed his metal hand between the wall and his body.

"The wall, the floor, and you." He grabbed her wrist lightly with his flesh.

"Two things you can smell." She said placing a hand on his knee while he held the other at the base of his neck.

" Your perfume? And the hotel shampoo." He said feeling his breathing slow down to really relish in the smell Mila wore. Was it perfume? Was it whatever she used in the shower? A lotion maybe? It smelled soothing whatever it was. Lavender? Vanilla? Both.

"One thing you can taste." She said looking into his blue eyes. He leaned closer to her and she followed the motion.

"You." He spoke claiming her mouth with just one kiss. It made her grip in his hair tighten and she wanted it to last for eternity but he pulled back so fast as though it was an electric shock. The pair looked at each other with expressions of awe.

"Uhm, you feel better?" She asked a little breathless.

"Yes, what was-"

"Grounding yourself. It helps with anxiety attacks. I do that all the time." She offered already knowing his question. He just nodded his head amazed that something so simple had helped him.

"Thank you."

"No one should have to suffer like I did." She said placing a gentle touch to his cheek before standing up. She smiled then turned around and saw her blue journal on the counter. She didn't remember putting it there. The last place she had it was the bed where she wrote. How did it get in here? She turned back to Bucky who was slowly standing with one hand against the wall still as if to anchor him. "why is this here?" she asked pointing to the journal. It made sense to her that Bucky would want to read the journal, figure out if she's a spy or not. Why wouldn't he take the opportunity? But she could see in his face that he regretted taking the journal without her permission.

"I took it." He said putting his head down.

"Did you read it?" Was it betrayal she felt? People don't just look at other people's journals. She hoped he didn't but when she came to rescue him from a panic attack there was no other logical explanation. Bucky put on the same face he would if he was captured and tortured. Blank, emotionless, and distant. He didn't need to say yes, she could read him. She grabbed the journal and flipped through the pages. The memories stored here were too precious.

"So you know?" she asked full of sorrow.

"Your grandmother, her name was Betty?" Mila looked at him in shock. He remembered but it was still blurry to him. Mila honestly didn't know how to answer him. Would the truth hurt him? Of course it would. He wasn't the man Betty fell in love with but he needed to know.

"I- Betty… yes." she settled.

"She was a nurse."

"Yes Betty was a nurse, she loved to help everyone. But she particularly cared for one soldier." She spoke the words defeated.

"Who?" he asked already knowing the answer but he didn't know if Mila knew that he was that soldier. He really hoped that she didn't, he rather liked the fact that she was helping them and surely if she knew he was the Winter Soldier she would run the other way. Hell, even if she knew he was that same man from the exhibit she talked about constantly then she would have thousands of questions.

"He's the one she talks to in the journal." As she said the words her fingers caressed the leather.

"But what's-"

"Look if you were doing this to figure out why HYDRA is after me, you need look no further than the internet. And if this was to see if I could be trusted, I can. Can I trust you James? You said you were an air marshal and yet we met in a museum where you were doing research. So you tell me who should be concerned when they turn their back on the other?" She asked getting frustrated enough that tears fell from her eyes. Bucky said nothing. What could he say? She was right, he went to the journal looking for answers. Instead of that he got more questions. And she was able to catch him in his lie, how could he be so careless? HYDRA didn't let agents slip like that. He stood tall ready to confess.

"Yes. I wanted to know who the hell the woman was who seemed to be where I was on more than one occasion and could more than handle her own in a fight. Then there's your observation skills, phenomenal! And you leg looks like it's going to heal real soon. So yeah I think I was justified to figure out if you were out to kill me. Can you blame me?"

"Why would you be so afraid to just ask?" She yelled. Bucky laughed and looked at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Hi, I was wondering were you secretly tailing me and trying to kill me? I'm sure that's a normal conversation starter." Mila crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. As her thoughts pieced together she laughed. "What?"

"Never straight forward are you?" She said walking out to the couch. Bucky stood in the doorway where he could see her going to bed tucking the journal under the pillow. He rolled his eyes at her gesture and turned off the bathroom light. He found his way back to the bed and lay there not even bothering to cover up in the blanket. He hoped the nightmares would stay away. He needed to get at least two good hours if he wanted to stay on the run tomorrow.

 _Bucky was fresh off the plane in England and already being ordered around by higher ranking officers. When he got his first free second he found some men he had befriended on the plane ride over here. A pair called Gabe and Jim._

" _This Colonel will be the death of me." Jim said upset that he had ran all around this camp twice it seemed like doing things for Colonel Phillips._

" _Oh he's not that bad." Bucky said crossing his arms leaning against a crate behind the medic tent._

" _This coming from the officer who has been in briefing sessions all damn day." Gabe said. Bucky shrugged and gave his dashing smirk._

" _What can I say? You guys push yourselves you'll be a sergeant one day."_

" _Because it's obviously not hard." Said Jim hitting Bucky in the arm. The trio laughed but Bucky stopped when he saw a woman dressed in her army greens and a medic band walking past them and going into the tent. She only glanced his way but he saw her beautiful brown eyes full of laughter and hope. Her dark brown curls framed her face perfectly under her green cap and he just wanted to bury his face in it._

" _You got eyes for the nurse?" Gabe said following Bucky's gaze._

" _Punch me." Bucky said with urgency grabbing Gabe's shirt._

" _What?" Gabe said._

" _Just do it, in the face." Bucky begged._

" _Are you crazy? Just go talk to her." Jim said._

" _No, because if she doesn't like me, then at least she'll have to bandage me up and that would buy me more time." Jim rolled his eyes and Gabe sighed._

" _You asked for this." Gabe said punching his commanding officer in the face. Bucky fell back a bit and he could feel the bloody nose start. He held his hand up to his nose to contain the blood and gave a thumbs up to his friend with the other hand. He walked around the front of the tent and saw her with her back turned checking in crates to make sure they had the right supplies. Bucky cleared his throat and she turned looking shocked. She rushed over to him setting her work to the side._

" _Are you alright?" She said putting a gentle hand to his shoulder and leading him to a chair. She grabbed a nearby towel and bowl._

" _Oh it's nothing really." He said. As she placed the towel up to his nose pinching the bridge to stop the bleeding._

" _You are gushing blood and it's nothing?" She asked raising a brow not believing him for a second._

" _Well, it's nothing I can't handle. Besides, I got this beautiful nurse taking care of me." He winked and she blushed a bit rolling her eyes._

" _I'm actually Corporal Raden. The medic training was my home career." She said with a small smile._

" _You got a first name, or do you just want me to call you beautiful?" Bucky was still smirking as she pinched his nose and she couldn't stop the blush._

" _You know, I always thought a Sergeant was supposed to be a big brave man." She said avoiding his question and looking at her watch. Bucky held his arms out._

" _Well of course I am!"_

" _Then next time you want to be smitten with me, just be straightforward. You don't need to have your friend punch ya in the face to come talk to me." WIth that she let his nose go and although the bleeding had stopped his face was still red only it was from blushing._

" _You don't miss a thing do you?" He said rubbing his neck embarrassed._

" _Not a beat Barnes." She said placing the dirty towel in the bowel._

Bucky woke from his dream pleased that for once HYDRA didn't make a guest appearance. He looked up at the ceiling of the room and placed his hands under his head resting and soaking up what little peace he had. The only thing that could ruin this rest for him was if someone turned him into HYDRA. Wait. He was here with someone. He turned and didn't see Mila anywhere. Her backpack was still here which made him seriously question if she was stolen in the middle of the night. But why would they take just her? He got up and turned on the light in the room, not that it was really needed. The morning light was peeking through the curtains already. But when he grabbed for the light he saw a note on the table.

 _Getting us some breakfast. Should be back within the hour. Get dressed and please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. -M_

He sighed in relief and ran a metal hand through his hair. He leaned against the headboard and looked at the foot of the bed. There was a new black hiker's backpack there and it looked full of something. He slowly got out of the bed and listened carefully. There was no ticking, but that didn't rule out bomb. Carefully he picked it up not wanting to disturb anything that could be inside and made his way to the doorway. He would have to go throw it out where no one would be hurt. However when he opened the door Mila was standing there holding out her key and with a sack of some sweet aroma coming from it.

"Hey!" She said surprised to see him. Thank goodness he held the bag with his metal hand hidden.

"There is probably a bomb in this Mila, I need you to move." Mila rolled her eyes and sighed. She grabbed the bag from his hand and opened the zipper. Bucky was tense as could be as she pulled out some fabric.

"Because cotton is explosive." Bucky looked at what she was holding, it was a man's shirt.

"What is-"

"I went out and got you some clothes, they should fit. There was a store right down the street that just opened." She said tossing the bag back at him. He caught it as she walked by him placing the bag on the desk. He was still in the doorway not sure why she was being so kind to him, especially after their argument last night. "Do you like apple or strawberry better?" She asked pulling out some pastries from the bag. She looked up and saw him still standing there and she cleared her throat. "You going to come eat or what?"


	4. Truth on your face

**AN: Thanks for your reviews follows and favorites. Your support is appreciated. I own nothing.**

 **To** CharmedGirl92 I'm glad you like their interactions. They have quite some chemistry if I do say so.

 **To guest** I'm glad you thought it was funny. I do like humor. Like Joss said, "Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

 **Thank you all.**

Bucky tried to figure out why she would be so kind to him. She went out and got him clothes that weren't black as if to shove him in the direction of normal. He remembered always wearing black uniforms that HYDRA provided for him. It was fitting because what he was doing was always some dark twisted mission. Now he was free of them for the moment, shouldn't he embrace it as fully as possible? He looked at the young woman across the room who was waiting for him to make a choice on what pastry he wanted. She had to know who he was, or at least the cruelties of HYDRA. She never hesitated to let him choose something and she was trying to hard to fix him in the two days they had been together. Bucky wanted to stop being paranoid about her intentions but it was hard to do when he had been told to trust HYDRA for 70 some years and now he could clearly see them for the monsters they were.

"You going to come eat or what?" Mila asked. Bucky ignored her and walked into the bathroom placing the bag on the counter. He pulled everything out of the bag and did his inventory. She got him three long sleeve shirts two undershirts and three dark jeans and underwear. How did she know to get him long sleeve shirts in these still warm summer months? He looked at the shirt and boxers he was wearing and the shirt was torn in places and had stains everywhere. He looked a damn mess, but that's how he felt. His memories were still scattered, he was on the run, and he couldn't (no matter how much he wanted to) trust the young woman helping him so much. Mila was standing in the doorway leaning against the frame. "It should fit." She spoke softly not wanting to alarm him. It failed. She actually snuck up on him. He looked at her with a mixture of shock and fear. Then his instincts took over. He walked over to her and held her against the frame. It didn't make for much space between the two.

"Why are you doing this?!" He asked. She kept her gaze in his eyes even though she wanted to look down the right arm he was holding exceptionally firm.

"I want to help you." She seemed to be trying to reach some part of his humanity that HYDRA had locked away. His grip tightened on her arms pressing her body closer to the frame while narrowing the space between them.

"Why? What good does it do you to help me?" He searched her face for any trace of a fighting instinct. However the more he was looking at her face the more he was piecing things together but when he was about to make that last puzzle piece connect to a memory a headache split his skull open making him wince. He ignored it as he kept her pinned there.

"It's all I've ever known. Helping. Why won't you let me?" She asked grabbing the back of his forearms hoping to loosen his grip and it worked. He let go of her instantly.

"I have trust issues." He said turning back to the bag and picking out an outfit for the day. He couldn't see the big smile Mila wore when he didn't hesitate to make a choice. She went back to the couch and grabbed her blue journal. She opened to one of the random pages in there and read some of the page waiting for James to get dressed.

 _It's been nearly a year since you passed away, and the same time since I wrote to you. I never had time to grieve for you like I should have. All the grief is there but right after your funeral I had another to go to. My sister's. She left one thing to me in her will and now I don't feel as lost. I guess it's the nurse in me that needed someone to take care of, but what she gave me is helping me cope to a life without you Buck. I wish so much that you were here though-_

Mila's eyes darted up at the movement. James was walking out of the bathroom and she noticed again he was wearing gloves.

"Why do you carry your grandmother's journal around?" He asked sitting on the bed looking at the food. He looked at the strawberry pastry but didn't dare touch. Something conditioned by HYDRA. You will eat when we let you.

"It's not... I carry this journal because I like to live in the past. Things were simple."

"Right you're a historian. I just don't understand why that puts you on HYDRA's radar." Mila opened the journal to pages even further in the leather. She showed him the page she landed on. It was a very blurry photo of a man in what looked like a classroom. Bucky knew it was the Winter Soldier training the young spies of the Red Room Academy on American culture.

"Because I know secrets about their Winter Soldier. I am too dangerous to keep out of their control." She closed the journal and walked over to her backpack to put it away.

"How would your grandmother know about that guy? I mean he's a ruthless killing machine. A weapon. He shouldn't be around anyone." He said pointing out thoughts he had on the part of him that wa buried deep.

"No. He is a tortured person, he needs someone to take care of him." She said not looking at James but it made him wonder, did she know he was the Winter Soldier? He tried to move past her words.

"But how did your grandmother know him?" It was more painful to him that his great love, his one light in this world, knew that he was a weapon. It was like when Steve discovered him. It was shameful to be near him as the Winter Soldier because Steve knew what Bucky had fought for. Now he found out that Betty knew this? It was heartbreaking. Mila sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"I … she... " The words were difficult for her to find. "They were ironically reunited. I'll leave it at that." She paused in what she was doing hoping to keep the memory at bay. She didn't want to relive her time in the Academy. She was getting better and controlling the memories that threatened to show themselves. "Why do you care so much about an old love affair?" She turned to look at him exceptionally curious for his answer.

"I'm just looking for answers." He said.

"So am I and you tend to avoid giving them."

"Look my business is none of yours! I am trying to keep us protected from HYDRA."

"You know what James?" She said walking over to the desk.

"What?" He was beginning to get mildly annoyed at how nosy and observant she was. It wouldn't be long before she would know he was the Winter Soldier and he would have to leave her on her own. She grabbed the two pastries from the desk.

"Green is a wonderful color on you." Bucky was confused and looked at his shirt. Oh yes, he picked the green one. It was the same color as his army greens. "Now I'll ask again. Apple or strawberry?" She held the two pastries out to him and he grabbed the strawberry one. "Knew it." She mumbled shoving the apple stuffed pastry into her mouth.

After making sure the room was clear of any trace of them they paid and left the little hotel back on their journey to make it to Italy. The pair had settled that they would take public transportation as close to the border as they could and would hike up the mountains if they needed to get into Italy. Catching the bus was no problem, staying awake for a simple three hour drive to Vacallo was the problem. They needed to be alert, watching for HYDRA but no such luck because once the bus took off they were both asleep within minutes. Bucky couldn't escape his memories here and neither could Mila.

" _Lyudmila, my english is bad. No one believes I am American." Natalia said to her mentor. Mila smiled at the red-headed girl and put a gentle hand on her head._

" _Little Romanov, you know better. I believe in you and so must you. English is a terribly hard language but you have the accent down and that is what will be the biggest asset." She looked at her favorite Black Widow operative. She was 12. It didn't bother her for some reason that these young orphaned girls were training to be an elite espionage team. It didn't make her cry knowing they killed each other. Not even a question to the fact that she was an American helping the commies turn the cold war in their favor. Natalia, or Natasha as Mila would sometimes call her was smarter and caught on faster than any of her classmates. She was the best and on her way to graduating from the Academy._

" _Mila, may I speak to you honestly?" She said sitting down on the desk in the classroom. Her peers had long since left for lunch._

" _Always."_

" _I don't want to be a weapon. I just want to be little girl." She said playing with the hem of her skirt. Mila couldn't even muster sympathy for the girl._

" _You know madam must not hear you speak like that." She warned. It was the closest thing to an emotion she got most days._

" _Will they make me like you?" Mila cocked her head. "Their robot. Your story is scary night story to us girls. We fear that we end up like you if we do not do best." Mila straightened up and tried to pretend she hadn't heard her little Ballerina talk about her like a monster._

" _I think you are missing lunch." She walked to the window in the classroom and didn't even hear Natasha slip out the creaky door. Good. That meant she was excelling if she could sneak out. Mila however brushed her hand against the base of her neck and felt the ugly scar that had no doubt ruined her from wearing her hair up for the rest of her life. The door opened again and a pair of HYDRA agents stood waiting. "That time already? We were just getting started." She said willingly walking with them down the hall to her room. Everything went black and she was cold. So very cold._

 _Bucky was in a helicopter flying a scientist to safety. It was his mission to take her back to HYDRA but his memories had come back to him and that meant his morals. He needed to save her and save himself. This was his clear escape from the Red Sentinel as well. There would be no way the Sentinel would catch him now, he had a huge lead on em. However right when he saw his freedom the chopper was shot out of the sky and the scientist screamed and Bucky braced himself for impact. He was knocked out for what he could only assume was a brief time. He could not find the scientist's body anywhere. He groaned and sat up. There was no point in him looking for her, she was not likely to survive the crash. He needed only to save himself before he was caught. He ran away from the scene knocking into trees in the winter forest. He knew there was a town somewhere a few miles out. He could hear the helicopter on fire behind him but couldn't hear his worst fear. The Red Sentinel came out of nowhere putting him in a chokehold. He grabbed the arm that was holding him back from freedom but to no anvil. His legs were kicked out from under him and he was on his back in the snow. A punch that was aimed at his face was avoided by mere seconds when he rolled to the right. He looked over at the Red Sentinel whose face was still shielded by the shadow of the hood on their head._

" _не играть трудно получить_ _Don't play hard to get." They spoke pulling a throwing knife out of nowhere it seemed like. He quickly stood and tried to run again but a knife went whizzing right in front of his face landing in the tree beside him. "_ _Я не буду скучать в следующий раз_

 _I won't miss the next time." The warning was not going to stop him. He took off and felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder. It wasn't just a knife, no. The Sentinel was smarter than that. It was coated with a sedative that left the Soldier motionless. The knife stayed there as The Sentinel grabbed him by one of his gun holsters and dragged him off to the closest HYDRA base._

" _просто дай мне уйти just let me go_ _." He plead in Russian. The words felt like lead in his mouth. His answer was a laugh, an empty one, there were no real emotions behind it yet he recognized it. He didn't need to see the face to know who was taking him back to HYDRA._

" _How'd they get you?"_

Mila shook James' shoulder when the bus stopped right in the middle of Vacallo. He was instantly on alert and grabbed his bag sitting in his lap ready to jump.

"Sorry, this is our stop." she said meekly. She lead James out into the streets and she was pulling up a map on her phone. Bucky was looking at her trying to figure out what she had changed in the last three hours.

"Why is your hair down?" he asked. It was a pointless question, it didn't need to be answered. Mila shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck.

"I was getting a migraine." She said walking off with Bucky following. He didn't press the issue instead just watched the streets for any suspicious faces.

" so do you need to check in with the Smithsonian anytime soon?" The locals did not even give the pair a second glance.

"Not until next week. My boss wants some artifacts arranged for delivery in September." She looked at the friendly faces and it made her uncomfortable. When was the last time she had seen so many people welcoming her in Europe? Well it was Switzerland, they tended to be neutral in everything. "I also have to talk to Rebecca some more. Her brother was K.I.A. and we figured keeping Barnes as the centerpiece for the exhibit would make a smooth transition." That idea made him uncomfortable. Why did he need to stay in the center as part of a tribute to American heroes? He was so far from one. But his sister surely didn't know any better.

"How often do you two talk? How did you even meet?" Bucky wanted to know about his sister, he was always closest to Rebecca and he wondered what she thought of him. What was she telling the museum about him? Did she tell everyone what a brave hero he was? Did she have kids? Was he an Uncle? What about Benjamin and Abigail? What were they doing? It was refreshing to know that he could remember his family without troubles. Well at least their names and faces. Memories with them were still too blurry to begin to dwell on.

"Do you just want me to write an autobiography for you to read Mr. Nosy?" She said smiling as she turned to look at him.

"No, just trying to make conversation."

"How about we make a game of it? Ask a question, the other has to answer. I'm sure we have enough questions to last til Christmas." She said slowing her pace to walk beside him hoping he would pick up on her hint.

"Deal." Her smile dropped as she noted her Christmas hint was unnoticed.

"Rebecca and I talk typically twice a week. I visit her in her home once a week." She grabbed his right arm to let him know to turn down a street.

"And how did you meet?"

"Nuh-uh my turn. Why the gloves?"

"No. We're done." He said pulling his arm from her loose grip.

"No we had a deal and you are a man of your word." She said stopping on the sidewalk.

"And what makes you so certain of that?" He said crossing his arms.

"Call it intuition." Bucky bit the inside of his lip, it was frustrating. She knew an important secret that he had no clue about. The only way to get her to open up was to gain her trust, make her believe she would get what she wanted.

"I'm on the run. Can't leave behind fingerprints, surely you would have pieced that together." He said. Her eyes narrowed analyzing to see if he would change his answer.

"You're right I don't miss a beat." She stole a glance back down to her phone to begin walking towards the border again. Bucky thought back to his peaceful dream this morning when Betty spoke those words. This had to be without doubt Betty's granddaughter.

"How do both you and Betty know about the Winter Soldier?" Mila chuckled a bit at his question. If he could dodge truths so would she.

"A special little academy for special little orphans." She said gritting her teeth to hold back the memories that plagued her this morning. He grabbed her arm light enough to get her to stop and look at him.

"The Red Room?" He whispered.

"My turn. Why is HYDRA really after you?" A stray dog came running between the pair causing them to separate and refocus. They stood tall against the other as if any second the other was going to play their ace.

"Because they made me theirs, I broke free, I'm on the run. My turn. Why are they really after you? Knowing things would have gotten you assassinated. They want to capture you."

"I am the best shoot they got at getting what they want. My knowledge is too beneficial to them for me to be killed." She began walking again settling that he would not try anything with civilians walking around. " What do you know about the Red Room?"

"They were part of Russian KGB operation X and worked with HYDRA. They wanted elite espionage and victory of the cold war. What did you do for the Academy?"

"It was a long time ago." She said walking faster around a street corner as if James were the very memories she was trying to flee.

"That doesn't answer the question." She shook her head and felt a wave of emotions spread through her. She hated that. Grabbing her own arms she tried grounding herself before the horrors of her memories found her.

"It doesn't need an answer yet." She spoke looking around her. "Arms. phone. Street. Jacket. Backpack." it was like a well rehearsed drill that Bucky was watching. He remembered the Red Room, he remembered training young girls to kill. He couldn't remember Mila in there. He could only imagine what they made her do for them, and what would happen if she didn't comply. He walked behind her and put his right arm around her shoulder. "Birds. Talking. Wind… your breathing." She was talking quieter as she went on. He had done this to her. He felt he needed to help her like she did last night.

"What's your favorite artifact in the museum? I'm changing my question." She looked up at him and cracked a small smile.

"Thank you." She looked up at the beautiful blue sky and remembered. "The Star Spangled Banner. The original flag that Francis Scott Key wrote our national anthem over." A chill went down her spine when she thought of the exhibit. She often found herself standing in front of the flag on her days off. The history that flag saw, what it stood for, what it reminded her of; powerful. She looked back at James and knew he was just like that flag. A symbol for never giving up, even when you thought you were never going to make it. Standing your ground against something you know in your heart is right. She felt her shoulders relax for a moment before her training took over. She shrugged his arm off of her and kept walking, they were nearly to the hill they needed to climb to get into Italy.

"Why did you come to the museum? Honestly." She said climbing over a small wall that was centuries old. The only civilians around were ones that wouldn't question the duo's actions, kids. They were playing tag by the looks of it. Mila shook her head. "Always kids." she mumbled waiting for her partner to join her on the other side of the wall.

"I was there looking for answers. I thought the Captain America exhibit was the key, but it just confused me more." he crossed over the wall without struggle.

"I don't mean to brag, but I do know everything about the exhibit. I mean I was your tour guide." She smirked at him and he softened a little. "Your turn." She said waiting for him to stand by her side before walking up the wooded hill that would flatten back out on the Italian border.

"What do you know about Captain America?" His question took a very interrogative tone. She pursed her lips.

"Do you want the museum's version or my own?"

"Yours." He said without hesitation. He remembered Steve, his last mission, with Betty. They were great friends in the time they got to know each other during the war. If this was Betty's descendant then surely she would know more intimate things about the Captain, things you couldn't read in a museum.

"He was brave. Had a good heart. He would always make sure you had a full cup of joe on a cold day. Didn't have the slightest clue about women, so it was easy to embarrass him. But he had undying loyalty to his best friend Bucky." As she spoke the words she would steal glances at James to figure out his reaction. He seemed to react only when she said Bucky.

"What else-"

"My turn. Where were you when the helicarriers fell in D.C.?" Bucky didn't have time for this, he wanted to know more about Steve and why he thought he had to save him.

"I was on the helicarrier, working for HYDRA. Once they fell I stopped working for them." His eagerness to ask another question let him reveal more of the truth than he would have. "What else about Captain America and his friends?" Mila smiled at all of this. She just needed to ease the memories back.

"His real name was Steve. Steve wanted to protect his friends and his country by doing what's right. He never backed down from a fight and that got him into trouble a lot but his friend Bucky always got him out of it. Always had his back. You see Bucky was a sniper for the Howling Commandos and that meant having the vantage point, always having the team's back. I've never seen a pair of pals so close." Mila's eyes widened at what she said. She may have compromised everything with her last words.

"Did you just say you've never seen a pair of pals that close? How could you have seen them?" She sent a prayer to whoever was listening as she kept walking hoping he would just drop it. "Mila answer me." He grabbed her arm and pushed her up against the nearest tree. Her breathing hitched as she hit the bark but Bucky wanted his answers. She kept her head down but Bucky took his right hand and lifted her chin. "How could you have seen them?" He asked looking into her brown eyes. Eyes that should be full of laughter and hope. Then he started scanning her face for any hint that she would tell a lie or worse fight him but the more he looked at her face he was seeing something much more alarming. Why didn't he look at her before? He imagined her long hair shorter and pinned back. Shock found it's way to his face. Her face had seen stress over the years and yet when he looked she was still that woman he knew. The face from his dream, the one who told him to be straightforward, the one that made _him_ blush for a change, his Betty. This was her. His hold faltered and he backed up from her.

Mila didn't know what revelation he had come to but she hoped it wasn't her darker secret. His head was down and she could hear his breathing picking up.

"James-" she went to reach out before he had another attack but he had her pinned against the tree in a different way. His built body held her there and it was her turn for ragged breathing. He took his right hand and outlined the side of her face. Oh yes, this was his Betty. Not just the face confirmed that but he could tell from the way her body felt pressed against his own. He felt like this was another part of HYDRA messing with his mind. Maybe he never escaped, now they were playing with his intimate thoughts trying to maintain control.

"Betty." He said placing his forehead against hers. Tears fell from her eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Buck." She said smiling. "It's been 71 years since you called me that." She buried her head under his chin and let the tears of joy flow.

"How did I miss that." He said running his fingers through her hair.

"Because I never missed a beat. You always did." She said with a chuckle looking at him. He relaxed a little hearing her laugh and smiled himself. He tucked a strand of brown curls behind her ear. Her hair was so much longer than he remembered. But how had she survived all these years? He didn't want the answer right now. He just knew that he had feelings such strong feeling for this woman that he needed to just take a few moments to let himself be happy before he let HYDRA ruin it. "You don't know how much it hurts to have you look at me and not remember." Her arms tightened and his snuck around to hold her hips.

"They messed me up real bad doll." He said letting his cheek rest on the top of her head. How could Betty still be alive? Why didn't she call herself that? What happened over those 71 years?

"I know they did. They did a number on us both." Mila decided to let at least part of her truth reveal itself. The darkest parts, those she would keep from him as long as she could.

 **AN: So did you see that one? Let me know in the reviews!**


	5. Faint of Heart Gonna Fall Apart

**AN: Thank you for your reviews and support.**

 **abstract0118: I'm glad you didn't expect that. That was the plan ;) I mean Bucky missed it too so you're in good company.**

 **rain: thank you, I'm glad you think so!**

 **Fat Old Sun: is that a good ohhhhhh? haha**

 **CharmedGirl92: nope. definitely not her granddaughter. Definitely Betty. And all in good time we will learn about what has been happening to Betty. She's been through a lot that much I will tell you. But Betty is very stubborn and wants to take it slowly with Bucky.**

Also i realized I put 2015 in the story earlier when it should be 2014, so this is all the week after the helicarriers feel just so that's clear.

 **I own nothing. I wish I did. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

* * *

"What happened? How are you still alive? You should be-"

"Old, wrinkled, and gray?" She said lightly running a finger down his jawline. He grabbed her hand with his right hand. He didn't want to touch her before with his metal hand as Mila, definitely not now as his Betty. He laced his fingers in hers something that felt natural to do.

"Yes."

"It's a long story. You and I need to take it one step at a time. Until then please trust me." His gloved hand was not enough contact for her. She wanted to touch his skin like she had so many years ago. He shook his head still not believing this was the girl from his dreams, his past.

"How can I? I don't know who did this to you or why!" She looked sad, she just began to get her Bucky back and he wouldn't accept her. "You said it was your grandmother's journal. And why do you call yourself Mila? How are you standing in front of me?" Their moment was gone and it broke her heart.

"I could ask you the same question." She said lifting her head in a defiant way. Oh she knew the answer, but she needed him to accept what happened to him, the same way she had.

"Can we focus on you for a second? You should have fallen in love and married! You should be in a little country home with grandkids running around." Tears couldn't stop from falling over her lashes and running down her cheeks.

"Don't." She whispered.

"It's true! You had a whole life you should have lived and yet here you are! What happened?" She glared at him. He didn't know it but he hit her soft spot, the one that you wouldn't touch on a feral animal. "Why aren't you settled down with a family and enjoying it?" Bucky knew that's what normal people did. They found love, got married, started families and went to work. They got older and their families grew, Mila or Betty whatever she was going by, seemed to only have the work part down. As he thought through her lost life and what could have happened he missed her fist balling up to deck him, and man did she have a swing. It actually hurt him and sent him falling back.

"Don't bring it up again." She said walking away wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Bucky put a hand to his jaw and opened his mouth making it pop. Damn, he hadn't been hit like that since Steve fought him as the Winter Soldier. He ran to meet up behind Mila who was still clearly upset.

"Look I just want to know what happened."

"We will get there, until then don't ask about it." She had hardened herself mainly to stop feeling the pain of Bucky's words. She should have been living a peaceful life. She should be rocking on her front porch talking to Rebecca while her husband was teaching grandkids how to fish or something of that nature. She should not look like a 28 year old woman. She should not be halfway around the globe on the run from an ex-Nazi organization that wanted her in their hands. That was not the life she ever dreamed of when she was writing in that blue journal buried in her backpack. He quickened his pace to stand in front of her.

"Why did you keep it from me? Can you at least tell me that?" she sighed

"I didn't know what state you were in, I didn't want to surprise you with my identity, I thought it best to let you think whatever it was that made more sense in your eyes. And Betty, she died so long ago. The things that have happened between now and then, Betty wouldn't have done that. So she's dead." Bucky studied her as she spoke. If she looked worn out after their airport fight, it was nothing compared to how she looked now. He had made her like this; depressed and defeated. He couldn't remember her like he should have and it hurt her. This is the same thing that made him so upset about Steve, except Steve didn't look like he was going to fall down crying.

"Look, Betty-Mila? First what do you want me to call you?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"Call me whatever you want Bucky." She said.

"So you did call me Bucky last night."

"It slipped." She looked down at her feet.

"Where did Mila even come from?"

"It was my middle name."

"Did you have one?" He asked furrowing his brow trying to remember if she had ever mentioned it to him. No. She was Corporal Beatrice Raden of the 107th serial number L2125021 Blood type O religion Protestant. He had that image of her dog tag seared in his memory.

"If I did would you remember?" she said crossing her arms a small smirk playing at her lips.

"No."

"I never wrote it down on my enlistment forms, I was afraid they would think I was a damn commie." She uncrossed her arms and looked at the path ahead of them. It was about to clear out in 200 yards, which meant Italy was waiting for them. She kept walking wanting to get some more food in her system before she would need to drive to a different place than they planned.

"Huh. So Mila," the name sounded wrong on his tongue but he said the Betty he knew had died he didn't want to make her uncomfortable by making her be someone she didn't think she was. Hell that's what Steve couldn't understand. "did you know?" She turned around to steal a glance at him confused at what he meant.

"Know what?"

"That it was me in the museum." He mumbled. She nodded her head.

"I knew it was you when you joined my group at the last second. You can't hide from someone who knows you as well as I do." The trees were thinning leaving them little time to discuss such private things before they would be surrounded by people.

"Were you afraid?" He asked sincerely. She sighed not wanting to hurt him but she knew she had to be honest.

"Yes. Only because I thought you were there to scope me out in public. You'd be back to kill me when I was alone, that's why I stayed the night with your sister and made my boss create this job for me so I could run."

"Why would you run from me?" Bucky asked looking at her as he walked.

"I told you I was afraid." She didn't want him to keep looking at her while she answered. She didn't want Bucky to know how terrified she had been. Hell most normal people are excited to see a lover they were robbed of, but not Mila. Her past ensured that she should be afraid of him coming back to her.

"Because you know what I am?" As he asked he could feel a weight in his chest. She already told him she knew about the Winter Soldier but HYDRA never called him by any human name. He thought surely he could escape the Winter Soldier's hold on his mind and body, keep the him separated from him and no one would have to know.

"You are not the Winter Soldier." She said looking at him. They were at the edge of the forest now, but she didn't care. She cupped the side of his face and looked into his steel blue eyes. They looked so lost, like they were reaching out with whatever hope was left that she would not see the monster he had become. He leaned closer to her but she with the lightest pressure kept their faces apart. "But you aren't my Bucky yet either." His eyes filled with sadness but there were no tears. There didn't need to be any she could feel how her words hit him. "But I'm telling you right now, no matter how ugly it gets, I'm going to help you. Because there's nothing you need more right now than a nurse with my skillset." She smiled earning a small one in return. She quickly kissed his cheek as he closed his eyes. It was true, he needed her and she was more than willing to stick with him through it all.

The pair found their way to a small cafe in Italy and were sitting down enjoying their sandwiches before they would hit the longer part of their traveling for the day.

"So what do you remember about me?" she asked taking a drink of her water. Bucky finished chewing before he started.

"You were a corporal, but part of my medic team. The first time I tried being sweet with you, you knew my friend punched me. You made me blush." Mila's smile glowed as he spoke. "And you could sing so well. It was amazing. I remember wanting to kiss you but I couldn't you were an officer. Your serial number is L2125021, which means you were transferred from the Women's core into my unit. That's all." Her smile disappeared. Three things. She was working with roughly three memories of their relationship. But he still felt things for her, perhaps his subconscious was telling him how he needed to feel.

"That's all." She echoed his words and sighed. This was going to be difficult without doubt but he was worth it. She looked up at his cap covered face noticing the stubble that had formed. What if she tried but he couldn't remember? What if he didn't want her? What if he found out about what she had done for seventy years? No, he was still worth it. He deserved above all to be happy.

"It's nothing right?" He asked gauging her expression. She was in a deep thought.

"It's a start. Better than nothing." She took a bite from her sandwich.

"Nothing about it is better. I'm out of HYDRA's control but I'm still a prisoner. Everytime I close my eyes the body count rises. Things that I want to forget force their way past what I want to remember. It's horrible." As he spoke the bell rang signaling another customer had walked in. Bucky and Mila immediately darted their eyes to the door. Two civilians, a couple probably.

"Could be worse. You could remember everything." She spoke nodding her head speaking from her own experience.

"You got a journal from then to remember."

"And you got one now." She said smiling. Bucky was confused. He came here with nothing but two handguns and the clothes on his back. "Look in that bag." she pointed at his backpack she bought him and put her hands under his chin. He began to unzip the main pocket where the clothes where. "Front pocket." He moved to that zipper and pulled out a sleek black journal. It was blank pages, no lines. He could keep track of his dreams in here, try and connect memories, he could cut and clip pictures, draw in it, possibilities were endless. He didn't know what he felt but his chest swelled with warmth.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You're welcome." she smiled and the bell rang again. These people were not a couple. They were the same pair from the airport posing as TSA security in the states. Mila tensed and began looking around for an exit. "We need to leave inconspicuously now." Her eyes went to the pair walking around the cafe. It was relatively full as it was lunch time, but two HYDRA targets would be recognizable. Bucky moved his head slightly and saw them at the counter. "There is a fire escape in the hall leading to the bathroom." Bucky shook his head.

"The alarm. Best bet is front door." He put the journal in his bag and kept his eyes on the pair still talking to the person at the counter. The blonde guy pulled out his phone and showed it to the worker. The poor employee pointed in Mila and Bucky's direction but the pair was already on the move to the door. But the HYDRA goons didn't miss the movement from their targets and pulled out their guns causing a panic to everyone in the cafe. People got up and ran out the door behind the pair. Mila and Bucky used the cover of the crowd to escape into the streets before bolting down an alley. "How did they find us?" Bucky asked while Mila slowly gained speed on him. How was she faster than him?

"My phone." She said pulling it out and waving it before tucking it back in her pocket. There was a small chain link fence ahead of them blocking them from going further. "Hope you can jump." She said before clearing the fence without trouble. THe landing was the shaky part for Mila as she somersaulted into a trashcan on the other side. Bucky however landed well enough to keep sprinting.

"Terrible landing." He said looking back at Mila who was now on her feet trying to catch back up with him.

"We all can't be perfect." She half-way yelled closing the gap of distance. "Turn right." She said. Bucky followed her directions and it was a dead-end. The only way out of this alley was through one of the buildings. Bucky stopped before turning around wanting a reason they were here. Mila pushed him against the wall behind a pile of old mattresses. "Down." He slid down the brick wall noting his own discomfort as Mila sat beside him. She pulled out her phone and began putting in a new route to Rome.

"What are you doing?!" He said trying to grab her phone. She threw her elbow hitting him in the chest. He stopped and rubbed the spot.

"Don't!" She continued to type away on her screen swiping occasionally.

"What are you doing?"

"If they are tracking me by phone records I'm giving them something else to track. Here's to all my flier miles." She said tucking the phone in her pocket looking past Bucky into the alley. "Ok, through this building.." She walked across the alley and tried opening the door only to find it locked. Bucky stood up crossing the alley in a few steps and pushed the door open with his left arm.

"Ladies first." He said as she rushed in. They were in a back storage room to some kind of business. It was hard telling whether the building was still operating because there was dust everywhere. Mila moved to the only other door in the building and it fell off the hinges. Ok, the building was definitely not in use anymore. It appeared to be an ran down grocery store. Probably a local family business forced to close. She looked out one of the windows that wasn't boarded up and saw the two agents looking down at a street sign and then ahead at the store.

"Down!" She yelled before a spray of bullets came crashing through with their semi-automatics. Mila ducked and covered her head waiting for the brief pause as they reloaded. She looked up and couldn't see Bucky.

"Buck?" She asked crawling through the splinters and shards that decorated the floor. He peered around a small aisle shelf and she felt a little at ease.

"Fall back." He said moving towards the storage room. Before he could reach the door though he turned abruptly and held his left arm out as bullets hit the metal. He moved back as they kept targeting him. Then it stopped again for a reload. Bucky saw Mila charging the two agents and they saw her coming moments before she made contact to the bald one's chest with her fell backwards and the other one grabbed her elbows holding them behind her and started dragging her off. She struggled before throwing her foot back into his shin making his grip tighten around her. Time for a new trick then she thought. Before she could try the partner came at her with a pair of handcuffs but she repeated her previous action, pushing herself up in an angle that tore discomfort in her shoulders (she'd deal with that later), she kicked against the man's chest forcing him down and her capturer to hit his head on the sidewalk under them. She rolled out of his hold grabbing one of the pistols on his belt and shoot both of the agents before they could get back up for round two. Settling that they weren't moving she threw the pistol at her ally who was rushing towards her.

"Thanks for the help." She said panting. And attempting to roll her shoulders finding only pain greeted her. She whined and threw her head back. She dislocated both of her shoulders. Great. Bucky took the weapons and packed them in his new bag and scrounged for ammo. Mila walked back to the store and tried to grab her backpack from where she had discarded it knowing she would fight, but her shoulders were not doing any of the picking up she wanted. Bucky joined her and put a hand in the middle of her back.

"We have four hours. I checked their phones. They are sending out a team to capture us if they don't return by 5."

"Good, we have a head start." She nodded to her bag. "Wanna get that for me and you can relocate my shoulders later." She said trying to ignore the pain like she was trained to do. Bucky grabbed her bag by it's handle and ushered her along. Sirens were in the distance getting closer. Neither of them wanted to file a police report.

"How did you learn to-"

"I was in the Red Room remember?" She said noting even the natural sway of her arms as she walked sent pain throughout her. "Ok you have got to fix it now. Once you relocate the pain will be gone, tenderness will follow." She motioned toward the counter in the store Bucky shook his head.

"Not here. Police will be here in a few minutes. Let's find somewhere else." He said moving away from the store and the two dead bodies.

"We have roughly twenty minutes to get out of this town you realize?" She said looking at him. He was looking ahead but he was distant. A thousand yard stare had been put on his face. "Bucky?" She said quietly.

"I should have helped you. But I ran. I wasn't trained to go back for a fallen comrade." He spoke still walking but it was as if his movements were autopilot.

"I think I handled myself well enough. Look we can do the guilt thing later. We have to find a place you can relocate my shoulders and get out of this place." Mila was looking around at all the possible places for her to lie down. She settled for a bench ahead of them. She slipped out of his hold on her back and he seemed immediately alarmed. She sat down careful not to move her shoulders and leaned down before letting her arm relax. "Ok grab my wrist, I'm going to bend my arm and then I need you to pull down slowly but firmly." She said watching him set her bag down and look afraid to touch her. He had let her get injured, he was in the back of the store when she decided to fight. He had stopped long enough at the door to notice her absence. Why didn't he try to help her? HYDRA trained him to complete the mission and let the weaker agents fall behind. He wasn't a saint, he was an assassin. "Did you hear me?" She asked, but he followed her directions and she bit her lip as the joint reconnected like it was supposed to be.

"Other side." He said as she turned to lay the other way. He repeated his actions and she rolled her eyes back blowing air out with the relief that flooded her. Her shoulder were still sore but the pain was gone.

"Thanks." She said as Bucky put an arm behind her neck to help her up. She motioned to her bag and Bucky picked it up again and they walked off to find a way out of this place.

"I am sorry." He said as they passed by locals who were on their way back to the offices from lunch. Many people had their phones out checking news stories.

"Bucky, don't. I am fine." Mila didn't need him to feel bad. She knew what he was and she accepted all that HYDRA had done to change him. It wasn't Bucky's fault. Mila overheard two women talking outside of a cafe looking at their phones.

"Mio marito ha detto che c'era una sparatoria dal suo posto di lavoro My husband said there was a shooting by his work place"

"Oh mio! Qualcuno è stato ferito? Oh my! Was anyone hurt"

"Lui sta guardando fuori dalla finestra ora . Ha detto che la polizia sta bloccando la vista . Egli non può essere certa. He is looking out the window now. He said the police are blocking the view. He can't be certain." Mila grabbed Bucky's forearm motioning to the pair.

"They are talking about us."

"I know. That means we have ten minutes before we are noticed as suspicious characters." As he spoke he saw a grocery store ahead. He sprinted around the block to check the back. Perfect. A semi was unloading the products and taking out empty crates to be refilled. "This way." He said motioning for Mila to follow. She did so they pair waited and saw the driver get into the cab taking a clipboard back into the store. There were no windows save for the door itself but the back of the truck was out of view. Bucky looked at the side of the tuck briefly before moving Mila to the open trailer. He helped her get in the back before he joined her. They moved to the front of the trailer and stood against two large stacks of empty pallets. They looked at each other waiting for the driver to shut the door and drive off. A hydraulic system creaked alive and Mila knew it was just the ledge that helped the driver move things off the truck. They heard some chains rattle and finally the door closed. A few more noises and they knew he was locking the door shut. The truck came to life and the pair moved to the back of the truck where there was more room. "This truck is going to Rome where the warehouse is."

"Perfect!" Mila said excited.

"How is that perfect? It's a city with surveillance. HYDRA probably has every camera running facial recognition on us." Mila pulled out her phone.

"It's perfect because earlier I booked a flight out of Rome to Tunisia for us."

"Why?"

"Draw some of HYDRA off our tail for a while." She looked at her phone and began deleting contacts and looking at some of the pictures of her friends from work she would never see again. Hell her whole job was compromised now. It was a matter of making sure those at home were safe. She couldn't look like she still had ties to the museum or Rebecca. God she hoped his sister was safe.

"A month." Bucky said leaning against the trailer wall. Mila snapped her head up to look at him.

"What?"

"A month is the longest I was ever free from them. They sent their damn dog after me and I was captured, but it took 'em a month." He crossed his arms.

"Dog?" She was so confused.

"The Red Sentinel was trained to out perform me, hell they even had me train the fucker! How hilarious right? Point is; it is the Sentinel's job to make sure I completed missions and that I returned home. If I didn't, the hunt was on and the Sentinel always won. I wonder how long it will be before they release the damn thing."

"I don't think we-" Mila began but Bucky burst out and put his arms on her forearms holding them down. His eyes were dark and full of rage.

"You don't understand, The Red Sentinel will always bring me back to them! My only hope is making sure when they come that I am prepared to fight. Trust me when I say, I will not hesitate to take every measure to kill that bastard! Every time I thought I was free, every time I was just a little hopeful, HYDRA would get 'em out after me and ruin that. Eight times that beast came for me and drug me back to HYDRA where even more torture was waiting for me! When the Sentinel comes, I will be ready." He let go of her arms and sat on a wooden crate. Mila was so shaken at his words, the fear that ran through her was making her shake. She didn't know someone could hate another so much. But with what he explained it seemed justified to hate the Sentinel. Mila moved back to the front of the trailer and found a huge bag of recycled bags to sit on. It was comfortable but that look in Bucky's eyes kept her on edge. She wasn't even that afraid of him when he showed up at the museum a week ago, perhaps it was because there was space between them and people watching. Now she had seen his anger close up and she hated seeing her Bucky like that.

Bucky was to concerned with thoughts about the Sentinel to worry about upsetting Mila. He remembered the time it took so long to be 'recovered' as the Sentinel called it. He had managed to hide out in New York after completing a mission. He found one of his old buddies from the war homeless on the streets. He got him help at the expense of his own freedom. But that was what James Buchanan Barnes did. That was the heart he had. He would help his friends at any cost. He remembered following Steve into action, and then he was falling off a train while Steve was yelling after him. His metal arm flexed causing the plates to move under the fabric of his shirt. Steve Rogers was his best friend. That's what the exhibit said. That's what his Betty said. He knew it was true, but why would Steve Rogers, Captain America, be his friend? Why was Betty, known now by Mila thanks to a life he didn't know about, trying to help him? He was an awful person. He wasn't even a person, he was a weapon. A mindless machine HYDRA had used. He helped shape the century that's what Alexander Pierce told him. That sounded terrible then. What did he have to do to shape the century. Kill. That wasn't the Bucky Steve or Betty knew. That wasn't the Bucky that he wanted to be. He wanted to stop killing, but he would stop once he had the Sentinel taken care of.

* * *

AN: Here's hoping the Sentinel doesn't catch up to them! Please let me know what you think about anything by leaving a review!


	6. Memories Turn into Daydreams

AN: Thank you all for reading this. I own nothing. Also I tried to get some more of Bucky and Betty's past written in this. Obviously if I am saying Betty, it is very safe to assume I am mentioning the past but if it's Mila it is present day/post red room. Let me know what you think in a review and thank you for reading.

The pair rode in silence for the better part of an hour as they stowed away. Mila had long since rid herself of the fear of her cohort but as she removed herself from the front part of the trailer to the back she could tell that Bucky was still not over his rage the Sentinel brought forth. She hated to approach him like a wild animal, but she couldn't deny that's how he looked sitting on that crate thoughts racing a mile a minute. Mila carefully sat beside him facing the wall.

"May 8th 1943." She spoke softly. She could see his head tilt slightly towards her so she continued. "That was the first day we met. You were dressed in your greens and so was I. It was a cool day for an English summer, but you still had your jacket off. I was working on inventory before we shipped out to the front lines, Colonel Phillips never liked a lady sitting in on his debriefings, which is where you were most of the day."

 _Betty walked past a trio of her fellow soldiers and could see them having a good laugh. It was nice to see that they were still enjoying themselves after making it a step closer to the front lines and fighting Nazi's. When she got closer to them though only one stood out, he had to be nearly six foot and he styled his hair just right for a gentleman. Betty took just a moment to fully scope out this man. He had to be the sergeant that her nurse were talking about all day. When those blue eyes met her own brown ones she had to keep her mouth shut as a deep sigh escaped through her nose. Yes, this was the man her nurses talked about. No doubt about it. As she rounded the corner into the tent with her medical supplies she placed a hand over her heart. Why was it racing? She had Wilbur fighting in the Pacific, she couldn't be looking at the men over here. Even if those men looked to be crafted from God himself. She shook the thoughts from her mind. They were both officers and needed to behave as such, she only hoped he would remember that. She took her clipboard out from her arm and began looking at the sides of the crates making sure inventory numbers matched up. She would hate to be patching a guy up and run out of gauze. However she heard something outside of the tent which made her look up from her work. It sounded like someone just got taught a lesson from a fist. Forgetting the incident she focused back on her crates and then she heard the tent flap move. She turned and saw that same blue-eyed devil from before, only this time he had a flow of blood coming from his nose. She wasn't expecting to use her supplies yet. She walked over to him knowing he was the poor bastard that got taught a lesson._

" _Are you alright?" She said putting a gentle hand to his shoulder and leading him to a chair. She grabbed a nearby towel and bowl._

" _Oh it's nothing really." He said. As she placed the towel up to his nose pinching the bridge to stop the bleeding. His eyes kept trying to find hers but she adverted her gaze knowing that it would only make her blush to look into those beautiful blue eyes._

" _You are gushing blood and it's nothing?" She asked raising a brow not believing him for a second._

" _Well, it's nothing I can't handle. Besides, I got this beautiful nurse taking care of me." He winked and she blushed a bit rolling her eyes. Oh Lord this one would be a handful for the rest of her deployment. Yet another reason to win the war faster. Not that she minded it was the fact she had a sweetheart and besides she was an officer._

" _I'm actually Corporal Raden. The medic training was my home career." She said with a small smile proud of her accomplishments._

" _You got a first name, or do you just want me to call you beautiful?" Bucky was still smirking as she pinched his nose and she couldn't stop the blushing. He was too charming._

" _You know, I always thought a Sergeant was supposed to be a big brave man." She said avoiding his question and looking at her watch. Bucky held his arms out._

" _Well of course I am!"_

" _Then next time you want to be smitten with me, just be straightforward. You don't need to have your friend punch ya in the face to come talk to me." With that she let his nose go and although the bleeding had stopped his face was still red only it was from blushing._

" _You don't miss a thing do you?" He said rubbing his neck embarrassed._

" _Not a beat Barnes." She said placing the dirty towel in the bowel. He looked back up at her eyes full of an apology. "Did you bring all the stupid with ya over here or something?" She asked when he still offered no remorse for his plan. He let out a snort with his laugh and threw his head back before becoming lightheaded. "What's so funny?" She couldn't help but smile with his outburst._

" _My friend said I was taking all the stupid with me when I deployed without him."_

" _Was he afraid to enlist?" Betty asked putting the stained towel into a bin. Bucky laughed again._

" _No quite the opposite actually. He was too stubborn to take no for an answer. He's been denied 4 times." Betty stopped and turned to face the officer._

" _4 times? Doesn't he know when to give up?" She walked back to Bucky and he smirked. No his friend never did. That's what he liked most about Steve, his good heart._

" _You'd think so, this punk is about 5 foot 4 and has just about every health problem you can have that won't kill you, but that never stopped him. I think he was trying to prove himself by enlisting. I knew he'd never get in in his shape but he kept trying. Hell, I told him I enlisted." Betty crossed her arms and tilted her head. Bucky pulled out his dog tags and she could read the serial number._

" _You were drafted." She said looking at him nodding his head. She could tell he seemed ashamed. He should have answered his country's call on his own, but he didn't._

" _Yeah, I didn't want to leave Steve behind. Poor kid'd get the shit beat outta him. You see he's got no one. His ma just died back in '36 and at least I have siblings." Betty uncrossed her arms and pulled up a chair beside Bucky._

" _So you've taken him under your wing. Noble."_

" _Something like that. I mean he's my best friend." He looked at her neck where she had her own dog tags buried beneath her uniform. He nodded towards them. "Did you enlist?" Betty tilted her head as she raised her left brow. Did he really ask that? Bucky seemed to remember that he was talking to a girl. Girls didn't get drafted. He slapped his own forehead and ran his hand back through his hair. "I am sorry, of course you did! I am so stupid! I'm just going to go embarrass myself elsewhere." He got up and Betty bit her lip trying not to let her laughter fly. She couldn't believe she made a man so flustered._

" _I'm sure you'll do a swell job of it." She said in jest. He stopped right before the entry and turned to look at her smirking again._

" _Hey everyone's got to be good at something. I mean we all can't look like an angel." He said walking out. Betty smiled putting her head down. This man would indeed keep her on her toes the rest of their deployment._

Mila noticed Bucky was smiling slightly. Letting him relive a happy memory was good for him. She moved her body to have one leg over the same edge of the crate as Bucky and one on her own side.

"I was talking about Steve when I flirted with you?" He said looking at his hands still covered by gloves.

"Yeah, he was your best friend Buck. I'm sure he would help you out too." She placed a light hand on his thigh and he moved away.

"No. I would be a disappointment to him. Hell I don't even know why you would stick around! Do you even know what I did!?" He looked into her eyes and she was smiling. She put a hand on his cheek noting how unusual it was to feel the stubble. The Army and HYDRA both kept him clean shaven.

"You, James Buchanan Barnes, were a great friend, fought for your country, loved a woman with passion, and became a prisoner of war. The Winter Soldier was programed to kill. The Winter Soldier was brainwashed to not have the ties that the man I love did."

"You don't understand brainwashing. We aren't separate people. I am the Winter Soldier. Everyone he was ordered to kill, it was done with my hands. Every plea for mercy was heard by my ears, every bloodbath created was seen by my eyes. I was there for everything because we are the same." Mila heard the tremble in his voice and wanted to let him know that yes she understood. She knew better than him how cruel HYDRA could be. She knew what it was like to not have free will and to not even know to hate those who took it from you.

"Buck I know-"

"NO YOU DON'T!" He yelled standing from the crate. "Every time I close my eyes the body count increases and I relive a nightmare every day. There is no escaping it. It was bad enough when I actually did those crimes as the Winter Soldier but now that I have morals, it is so much worse." Mila got up and stood in front of him not afraid. She placed her hands on his shoulders but he didn't miss how pain flickered across her face when she moved her arms.

"I know first hand how difficult it is to let someone in when you hate yourself more than your enemies, but I promised you I would always help you. I would always be there for you. The times may have changed but my words mean the same. Please try and let me help you, because I think I could probably fall in love with you all over again if you do." Bucky shrugged her off. There was no use loving someone like him.

"Don't." It wasn't an order it was a plea. She couldn't let herself become ruined by loving a monster like him. He wouldn't let her go through painfully beautiful memories of them to have her heartbroken if it didn't work out. He wouldn't let her waste one more moment of what could be happiness for her be crushed by wasted time with him. She had a career and friends at home, more than Bucky could hope to have.

"Don't what?"

"Don't fall in love with me, don't try to fix me, don't waste time on me. I am a monster who should have died in the helicarrier." Mila could feel her own heartbreak at his words. She remembered the self loathing when she became free. It consumed her for the better part of two years. She pushed away everyone, well the two people who tried to help her. But it wasn't until she found an old face that she knew from better times that things got better. Bless Rebecca.

"You helped me escape death twice now. You never left me behind when there have been countless opportunities, I've seen the Bucky I know flicker across that face. You are not a monster. You are and always have been my hero, and I won't listen to you talk about yourself in such a god-awful way!" Bucky rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in the air.

"You are the most thick-headed stubborn idiot I have ever met! Do you even know how dangerous I am? I could easily kill you right now in at least twenty different ways and don't even include all the tortures HYDRA has programmed in me. I could make the rest of this truck ride a literal hell and you wouldn't be able to stop it!"

"But you don't. You have been going against everything HYDRA would have wanted you to do. And if that isn't progress Bucky, I don't know what is." She smirked showing she won this. Bucky opened his mouth trying to figure out how to take back the victory but he couldn't argue her point. He had made some progress and it was a good sign, but that didn't mean relapses weren't right around the corner. One thing HYDRA had taken from him that he didn't think he'd ever get back was hope. Especially if the Red Sentinel was still out hunting him. There would be no telling how HYDRA would treat him if he was brought back to one of their facilities. He didn't want to think about the tortures they were developing for him, no doubt to assure he would never run off again. A chill went down his spine as he lingered too long on the threatening promise that awaited him if he was returned.

"Just promise me that if the Red Sentinel comes for me, do not try and save me. The Sentinel will do anything to complete the mission." He spoke quietly and Mila reached out to grab his right hand.

"I don't make promises I can't keep." She let a small smile show but it looked like she was afraid of something when he looked into her eyes. Was she putting on the brave loyal face? She was trying to be strong for him.

"You don't have to be a hero on that one. I know you don't want to be taken back by HYDRA nor do you want to end up dead. Leave the Sentinel to take me." Mila nodded her head settling there would be no changing his mind on the subject anytime soon. "Tell me more about us." Bucky said running a gloved thumb on the back of her hand. She looked down at his hand and took the glove off allowing her to hold his hand and touch the calloused flesh.

"Want to hear about our competition?" She asked looking into his eyes. They appeared to soften with her question.

"Sounds like a good one."

"It's another story that you end up embarrassing yourself."

"Did I do that a lot around you?" His eyebrow rose making him question how a man who couldn't handle a woman became such a deadly and frightening assassin.

"It was a near constant thing at first." She pulled him back over to the crate so they could sit down.

 _Two days after their first meeting Betty and Bucky had seen each other only in passing and in the early morning. When Bucky was leading his men out for their drill run Betty would seem to be coming back from the same wooded area covered in sweat. He had asked her what she was doing the second morning and she replied with a simple challenging statement. "Well I figured i would get my run done and out of the way before the path got crowded with bottle neckers."_

" _Sorry that my men get in your way m'lady." He offered. "How early do you have to get up to complete the course?"_

" _Just an hour." She said with a shrug. By this time some of the soldiers were listening in on the banter._

" _Impossible, it takes the boys almost two hours to complete the course."_

" _Sounds like these boys need to be whipped into shape." She said eyeing the crowd. She took a side glance over at Bucky and then looked him up and down. "Should start with their C.O." The soldiers all let out "ooo's" of surprise. All the men had grown fond of their C.O. he was a great guy to get along with, they were certain he could woo all the dames back home, but this Corporal seemed to have none of it. She let out another big breath still feeling her body working up a sweat from her run._

" _How about we put it to the test?" Bucky said not wanting to ignore the challenge she brought up. She let out a laugh._

" _Fine tomorrow morning you and I run the course. Loser joins the men in morning drills and cleans the mess hall for a month." Betty stuck her hand out and Bucky grabbed it shaking firmly. The bet was made and sealed with their word. Betty knew that these men would all be here tomorrow to see who would win._

 _Sure enough the next morning Betty was at the start of the path at 0400 hours waiting for her competitor. She checked her issued watch one more time and then looked ahead at the camp. There he was with a whole slew of men behind him. Way more than were there yesterday morning when the bet was made. Apparently word traveled just as fast with the men as it did with her nurses. Bucky looked full of himself and stood squaring himself up in front of Betty. She smiled and saluted the officer who was ranked above her._

" _You ready for this doll?" He asked smirking. She put her hand back down and tilted her head._

" _Depends, are you going to let me call out the drills when you lose?" Bucky crossed his arms and bobbed his head not believing the amount of sass one lady could hold._

" _Honey I'd take orders from you any day." He gave a wink and a soldier stepped out of the group and got between them._

" _You guys going to run this or what?" He asked. Betty put her arms out making a grand gesture of it._

" _Waiting for the Sergeant here to get done stretching." She said walking over to the starting point. Barnes clicked his tongue._

" _You know you could start stretching to, I wouldn't mind it one bit." Betty rolled her eyes and motioned for Bucky to get to the start of the path. The soldier stood in front of them._

" _Alright, first one back wins. Loser is running drill with us and cleaning the mess hall. No funny business." He warned. Betty set her feet to start running as did Bucky. He looked over at her one more time. God, if he lost this he would never hear the end of it. "On ya mark." Bucky snapped back to look ahead. "Get set." Betty's whole body tensed as she prepared. "GO!" He yelled and the two were off. Betty took off leaving Bucky strides behind her. He didn't understand how she was that fast. He pushed himself harder not wanting to let his ego take a blow like this. As she continued at a normal pace for herself she took once glance back at Barnes who was already breaking out in a sweat to keep up with her. He was still trailing behind but the extra effort to match her powerful strides was more than what he was used to. She smiled looking ahead and following the trail through the woods. She ran track in high school, one of the few things outside of planning a dance that a girl could do. Then in college she added cross country to her resume. She was fast and she had endurance. The two most important things a runner would need. Betty never bothered to look back at Bucky she could hear his feet hitting the wooded ground breaking twigs as he tried to gain on her. You would figure with the soldiers running this path every morning all the sticks would be broken by now. Apparently Bucky was good at finding all of them. As she kept her pace going Betty focused on the reasons she ran. Her mother; a beautiful woman whom she admired for all her grace, she encourage Betty to do whatever made her happy even if it wasn't conventional. Her father; he told Betty time and time again that 'damnit you are a Raden, that means 120% and there is no such thing as give up'. Her sister; she seemed to fit the role of a woman perfectly, she always looked up to her older sister Betty even if she seemed to take the opposite path. Then lastly there was Wilbur; her sweetheart in the Pacific who believed some roles weren't meant for a woman, which made her push herself that much more. When she looked back at Bucky he was trying so hard to keep up he was now panting. Betty could feel herself getting a little tired but she had trained harder than most to prove her place on her teams and in the Women's Army Corps. That's how she got transferred over to a men's unit because she proved herself. She wasn't about to stop now._

" _You" Bucky panted out. "Wanna. Slow. down."_

" _Never!" A smile found its way plastered to her face though he couldn't see it Bucky knew she was smug as could be. The forestry began to repeat itself as they found their way nearing the end. Cheers could be heard from around the bend but they were all for Bucky. As Betty began to see the forest thin out the boys cheers were turning into yells that Betty was winning. She smiled. She loved proving men wrong. With a final push as the end neared she left Bucky but four long strides behind as they emerged. She regained her balance as she stopped and looked behind her as Bucky was covered in sweat and panting. His friends were laughing at him as he was bent over trying to get his breath back._

" _Damn serge, lost to that dame."_

" _Son of a bitch, she's fast."_

" _Shit she actually did it." Betty looked at all the faces breathing hard herself as they were all smiling at her. She walked over to Bucky and slapped him on the back._

" _I had a nice run today Barnes, shame you couldn't join me." She spoke causing some of the men to whistle at her insult. He grabbed her arm holding her shoulder he looked up at her._

" _Well, at least I had a nice view the entire time." He smirked and patted her shoulder making her jaw drop as she realized what his comment entailed. The men couldn't seem to get enough of this banter. Without thinking she tightened her grip on the back of his sweat drenched shirt and pulled back while she side kicked his feet out from under him causing him to land on his back. His eyes were closed as he mouthed a word one wouldn't say in church while his hands fell to his sides. He didn't think she'd take it that harsh. The soldiers around him laughed as Betty straightened herself up._

" _Company fall in!" She yelled. The men complied without question getting in line. "Attention!" The men stood up straighter and looked more uniform. "BARNES!" She yelled. He cursed under his breath and stood following the suit of his men. She put her arms behind her back and paced in front of the line of men._

" _You men are a disgrace to the United States of America. I expect everyone of you by the end of this month to be better than what any drill sergeant trained you moronic monkeys to be. First and most important life lesson you will learn; when you find a woman who care about you, listen to her!" The soldiers were confused but didn't let it show. "Every single one of you men I will bandage, stitch, mend, and doctor up when the time comes. I hope to never have to deal with anything more than a bloody nose." She stopped and looked at Barnes who rolled his eyes. "But this is a war we will be fighting and you are my boys. I am the head of the medical team and I will not let anyone of you die in my hands. So I care about you, and you will listen to me. We are going to be pushing you to your limits in the morning and you will be so sorry you ever signed up for the army."_

" _Corporal?" One soldier shouted._

" _Yes?" She said standing in front of him. It was the same one who started the race._

" _Are you General Raden's daughter ma'am?" He asked looking above her and not at her._

" _Yes I am, which means I have a reputation to uphold for being the most cold-hearted, toughest, meanest son of a bitch you've ever seen. So don't expect me to go easy like Barnes." The soldier standing next to Barnes elbowed him and mumbled a thanks before Betty found her way to the pair. "Excuse me?"_

" _Ma'am I-"_

" _See that tree right there?" She pointed to one with no branches for about twenty feet. The soldier looked. It was an old pine tree some branches dead. "You have one mission today. Climb that tree with nothing but the shirt on your back. GO!" The man rushed over to the tree and looked dumfounded as there was nothing to begin his climb with. While everyone watched the soldier's first couple attempts Bucky was looking at Betty. She was not as innocent as he originally thought, but that didn't diminished his feelings. Hell he hated to admit it, but he liked having her in charge over him. It felt, well he couldn't put a finger on it. Betty looked at him and smiled. "You sure you're alright with the lower ranked officer giving commands?"_

" _Honey, you earned it." He said with a grin._

Mila was smiling at the story and noticed Bucky was too.

"How could you beat me in a race?" He asked leaning back on his elbows. Mila liked the immediate change after sharing her memories. He for a moment seemed like his old self again.

"I was a runner in high school and college. I had a lot of good motivation."

"Huh, I suppose it's not too embarrassing that I lost to such a great gal."

"Yeah and if it weren't for that the 107th wouldn't be nearly was well-off. I am really good at training people." She smiled playing with his right hand. She was hoping his touch would keep away the thoughts of training girls in the Red Room.

"I think I remember liking you in charge."

"You mentioned it before." She said moving her other hand to grab his jawline gently. She made him look at her but his eyes flickered down to her lips.

"Did you like being in charge?" He breathed out. She let her thigh brushed against his.

"Only over you." She spoke standing and draping her arms over his shoulders ignoring the tenderness in her own shoulders. Bucky moved his right hand to grab her hip letting his thumb trace small circles. His eyebrows rose in surprise at his actions.

"Is this normal for us?" He gestured to the position the two were in as Mila got closer so Bucky had to look up to see her face and not stare directly at her chest. Mila smiled.

"We don't have a normal Bucky."

AN: leave me a review let me know what you think about everything. More Betty and Bucky flashbacks? Do they stink? Let me know.


	7. Is This Taboo?

**AN: Thank you for your support. Please please please review. Even if it's just to say it was nice or it was bad. Feedback helps me so much. I am sorry for the big break between the last two chapters I got busy but i intend to keep up with the (at least) weekly updates. So I think I am done now. Enjoy.**

* * *

"We don't have a normal Bucky." Mila spoke the words still half draped over his body on the crate. His left elbow propped him up as Mila had her arms draped around his shoulders. The proximity was driving Mila insane in a good way, but Bucky he didn't know what his body was doing. He just wanted her closer. That's why his right hand had found her hip and was slowly tracing a circle there.

"How about we make a normal?" He asked as his hand slipped up her side.

"We can do that once we are safely in Azzano." With that she quickly slipped out from where her body nestled so easily in his larger frame.

"Azzano? What the hell I thought we planned for Orvieto?" He asked sitting up. Mila smiled and let out a light laugh.

"Do you even know why you are so dead set to go there?" She asked going to the front of the semi trailer to grab her backpack. Bucky stood and crossed his arms.

"Well no." He was hoping she would explain it to him.

"Back when you used to like me…. Like a lot" she looked at him as she grabbed her bag by the handles rather than swinging it over her sore shoulders. "You and I went on a date there. You even said we would take our honeymoon there you didn't care how much it would cost once you were out of the army 'my best girl should spend the happiest nights of her life in the most beautiful place'." She tried to mimic him by lowering her voice which earned her a small smile from him.

"Happiest nights? Boy I sounded sure of myself."

"Well you were definitely a more confident man back then. You had every right to be. Had all my damn nurses flustered any time you came in the medic tent." She walked over to Bucky's backpack which was standing upright on a crate. She reached for the front zipper and tried to find the journal she just bought him past the newly acquired weapons he stowed in there. She handed the journal to him and he took it seeming confused. "I would write down the memories I share so that you don't ever forget them."

"What do you-"

"If, and I hope it never happens, HYDRA does catch you there will be no happy part of you left. At least if you have that you don't have to start over." He seemed solom that Mila was thinking of his inevitable capture as well. If he could just be certain that the Sentinel would never come looking for him again then he would feel so much safer. He could outrun HYDRA agents for days, the Sentinel… well it was a waiting game.

"When you're done we are going to have to get this truck to stop so we can get off and reroute." She pulled out her phone for probably the last time and checked where they were. This would not only alert HYDRA of where she was checking in but hopefully let them believe that the duo was getting off soon if not staying on the truck. Anything to mislead them. She looked through her e-mails one more time just to check from the museum. She knew she would have to write a resignation email to her boss but she couldn't think of any reason why should would quit this dream assignment. Hell she had been dropping hints about wanting to create this exhibit long before she needed to go on the run from the very man sharing a semi trailer ride with her. Maybe she should just pretend to be dead and that would be easier. How would they know? They would send out a search party no doubt. Life is so much simpler when you don't have ex-Nazi terrorist organizations after you. Before she could think of an appropriate email to send a new one appeared from an address she could not recognize. krasnyy balerinoy prizrak. ru

Red ballerina at ghost? She could only think of one person that would use such an address, her friend, her student, her ballerina. The subject line read: head's up. When she opened the email it only said sorry and had a link. Her anxiety began to work its way into her lower back right up her spine as her thumb hovered over the link. What would she find? She quickly glanced at Bucky who sat on top of the crate writing in the journal. His attention was far removed from this place. She clicked the link and saw a news story appear. One that she had hoped to never appear. Her anxiety got worse and she had the sudden urge to pull her shoulders together for no reason. Her breathing quickened as she read on looking at familiar pictures from a file that should have been destroyed long ago. A weight pressed against her chest and her breathing was now labored as her heart rate was increasing pounding in her ears pulsing so hard in her temples. The last sentence made her drop to her knees as she read it.

 _If anyone knows where to find Lyudmila Raden they should report any tips to the C.I.A. she is dangerous and should not be approached._

She dropped her phone making Bucky look up at her. The screen cracked on impact but she didn't care. What she cared about was the whole world now knew what HYDRA and the KGB had done to her. She grabbed her forearms and dug her nails into her own skin. She couldn't stop the no doubt thousands of people glued to the news from reading and watching. She couldn't stop them from looking into her private life. She felt dirty all of a sudden. Violated and disgusting. She couldn't let Bucky see the article though it would hurt him more than her. Bucky approached her and took her hands away from her skin where she had drawn blood.

"What's gotten into ya?" He asked not missing her emotional turmoil. She didn't look up at him her gaze was at the floor of the trailer but her mind was decades away.

 _The pile of blood at her feet meant nothing to her as she walked over the body of a small child._

" _You didn't need him. You will be taking care of someone else now." A heavy German accent told her. She held the gun out to give to the man who spoke. "Just wait until the boys hear how successful we were. They might make you the new Asset." He took the gun and pointed it between her eyes. She didn't flinch. She didn't know fear. "You are too perfect."_

"Mila?" He spoke concerned that she was going into some sort of anxiety attack that he couldn't help her out of. Her dark brown eyes found his blue ones and he could see they were bloodshot as tears fell from her eyes. "What happened doll?" The pet name slipped for a moment he wasn't comforting this new Mila who clearly got along swell in the modern time. Her memories sprung a part of Bucky that had been deactivated years ago. This was Betty his best girl, she was crying and he wanted to help her.

"It's nothing." Bucky gave her a look showing he didn't believe a word of that. He took his right hand and traced it over her arms missing the blood that lined up in perfect crescent marks.

"That ain't nothing." He said. Mila didn't know what to do now. She didn't think Bucky needed to look at her with such concern after she read that article. She still felt the shame and guilt covering her like a scratchy wool blanket. Her skin was covered in goosebumps. Why couldn't she ground herself again. Memories she wanted scratched from her brain kept popping up. She looked at Bucky tried to look at him. Not as the man in the Red Room, as the man she loved. It wasn't working. "Mila, come on. Five things you can touch?" He said hoping that would help her. She didn't seem to hear him, she was looking right at him but she wasn't listening. Then a loud noise snapped both of their attention back to what they were trained to do. Survive. The semi kept bumping along as something hit the bottom of the trailer repeatedly. Mila understood what had happened and saw it as their window. She grabbed her bag and Bucky followed her lead stuffing his journal in his own and walking to the back.

"He blew a tire. He's going to fix it. We need to get off and get a car." She spoke the words but it came out as a stern order. There was no falter in her voice that she had just had an anxiety attack from what her phone had told her. What her little Natalia had gave her a heads up on. Bucky chose not to comment on her instant switch. It was survival instinct. She squeezed her way to the front passenger side of the semi trailer where there was just barely room for her body to slide between the wall and the stack of empty pallets. Bucky stood behind her. "Can you punch your way out?" She asked knowing he could. He nodded and she slipped back out the narrow way and he pushed the stack of pallets forward without effort to give him more room. A single punch nailed through the side of the trailer which gave him enough room to push the metal outward so that the pair of them could slip out. Bucky noticed the trailer still moving but slowing. He couldn't tell if they were on an interstate or highway. Bucky got out of the trailer tucking and rolling once he hit the hard pavement. When he came to a stop he looked and saw Mila rolling about twenty feet ahead of him. He stood and looked around. They got lucky, they were on a highway and not a popular one by the looks of it. Mila stood up taking in her surroundings there were vineyards around them, not much for cover but it was better than an open field. She walked over to Bucky before she opted to cross the road knowing Bucky would follow. She could see two workers in the field and chose to interact with them. They seemed harmless enough. The pair of male workers nudged each other smiling. She knew how Italian men could be. Of course she was wearing shorts and a tank top. She was always proud of her legs though even if the right thigh had an ugly scar decorating the back of it.

"bonjurno!" she said sweet as could be. Bucky was standing behind her at this point and the men seemed to falter wondering if this was a boyfriend. She grabbed his left arm lacing her fingers with what she knew was a metal hand. "Il mio ragazzo e io sono l'escursionismo e ci siamo persi . Da che parte per la città più vicina ?" (my boyfriend and I were hiking and we got lost. Which way to the nearest town?) The two workers discussed directions with each other motioning to different ways that town could be. Bucky was growing nervous as Mila kept her hold on his metal appendage. They were supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend and Mila seemed so at ease. Bucky wanted to help the identity that Mila created for them but was unsure of how to without it being weird. He hadn't exactly had practice flirting with women in his line of work. No, they just sent him into kill.

"Gavino e mi sembra di non essere d'accordo a quale città è più vicina . Prendiamo voi dentro e si può decidere per voi" (Gavin and I seem to be at a disagreement on which town is closer. Let us take you inside and you can decide which town is closer.) Mila looked up at Bucky giving him a look to agree with the men. He nodded and spoke up.

"ovviamente. grazie. Si arriva a degustare il vino, mentre noi siamo lì?" (of course. Thank you. Do we get to sample the wine while we are there?) A small smile tugged at his mouth when he made his joke. Mila found his joke funny as well, and that he did it on his own meant more progress to the old Bucky she knew.

"Bene saremmo padroni terribili se non abbiamo lasciato si cerca qualcosa !" (well we would be terrible hosts if we didn't let you try something.) The one who was named Gavino spoke up. The other man offered his arm to Mila and she smiled taking it. Sure he was hot and sweaty but the man was working all day. Bucky gave a disapproving look to which Mila rolled her eyes as the two men lead them up the hill to the house.

They had decided to agree with Gavino and go to Verona after having two glasses of wine. Bucky was of course hesitant to drink anything but after a nudge from Mila he agreed. They would even be allowed to stay the night in a spare room upstairs since Mila actually bought a bottle of wine. Bucky argued that they had no need for it, but Mila insisted she buy it despite the rationality of the purchase. The brothers as they discovered were going to be sending a delivery in the morning to the city and it would be no trouble to send the beautiful couple into the romantic city. Mila smiled at the thought and Bucky, well he had doubts about being referred to as beautiful. Bucky and Mila were now sitting in the small bedroom that had only a bed and a night stand. Mila sat cross legged in the corner of the room reading her work journal and making notes. Bucky leaned against the wall by the window looking out at the night sky. He had seen the stars like this on countless missions on foreign soil but having Mila here seemed to make him look longer and find the dusty arms of the galaxy in the sky. Looking at the inspiration who still sat on the floor he found it cute the way her eyebrows knitted together as she wrote clearly lost in her own world. He didn't want to put the oil lamp out yet, not until Mila was done writing.

"Can you do me a favor?" She asked not looking up from her journal as Bucky looked back at her. She didn't wait for his response. "Get the scissors out of my bag and cut the stitches out that you put in." She kept writing as Bucky cautiously followed her directions.

"I just put those in-"

"Yesterday I know. However the Red Room fixed me up with some better genetics so I heal a little faster than most. I would hate for the stitches to remain a constant part of me." She finished writing and stood up making her way to the bed. The shorts she wore were loose enough that Bucky could push them up without her having to take them off. She laid down on her stomach with her head on the foot end so that Bucky could work from the side of the down, Bucky carefully pushed the fabric up, he knew this was an intimate spot and he paused when he saw how well the cut had been healing. He got to work removing the black thread that had helped the healing process but it was clear it was unnecessary. Before he finished he could see the pink jagged line that seemed to look as bad as the scar on his left shoulder. It was messy and looked like someone would have had a lot of rage and a lack of concern for her healing if it was left like that. "Are you enjoying the view?" She turned her head to look at the man who was still preoccupied by her flesh. He shook his head and smiled.

"Yeah, I mean no. I mean it's done." He said putting his head down embarrassed. Mila sat up looking into his blue eyes sighed.

"Somethings never change with you Barnes." She said calling him by the name she would in the army.

"That scar on your leg, was that something HYDRA did or the KGB?" He asked looking down at her right thigh. She bit her bottom lip and looked down at the leg he mentioned.

"Group effort, but I'm pretty sure I'd blame HYDRA for most of it." She spoke barely above a whisper. "I'll tell you all about when you're older." She said a light smile playing on her lips.

"I think I am older than you." He said not sure of the fact.

"Yes, but you've been in cryo freeze longer than me so it doesn't count." She said trying to make a joke of the situation but failing when she saw Bucky's face drop.

"How much do you know about me?"

"About the Winter Soldier?" His eyes got dark.

"That's what I said." Mila frowned not wanting to reveal all of that to him. She only wanted to share the good things not the horrors that already plagued him.

"I know you have a cybernetic arm so you can stop trying to hide it from me." His jaw tightened at her statement.

"I don't-"

"Bullshit!" She stopped him in his tracks and reached for his left hand to which he pulled back. "See!"

"Well it's not like I'm proud of it!" He said just loud enough that he might wake someone up. Mila put a finger to her lips and he crossed his arms. "What about you and the Red Room? What makes you privy to my file? Most people in HYDRA don't even know about me."

"Well I'm not most people." She said trying to get up but Bucky remained in her way knelled down at the bedside. He put his arms on either side of her hips on the bed.

"What did you do for them?" He asked his voice getting lower.

"That's not til later in our story. You can't jump ahead." Her words tried to be humorous but Bucky was in no mood to play around.

"The hell if I can't! What did you do in the Red Room!"

"I will not tell you until we get there."

"Why the hell not?!" He was starting to get really pissed.

"Because I am selfish! Alright? I want you to remember the good person I was. I want you to remember Betty. I don't want you to remember me as a monster before you get to know who I was." Her frown darkened her whole face. She was full of shame for what the two organizations had done to her. She didn't want to relive the horrors as much as Bucky didn't, hell probably more so. Bucky didn't let go of his anger regardless of her clear depressed face.

"But you get to know that I was a monster? That doesn't seem fair." He spoke flatly trying not to yell. He didn't want to wake the hosts.

"Yeah well get used to that." She said pushing him backwards so he sat on his heels. His hands grabbed her arms before she could get up and he planted her right back down on the bed.

"If you are so dead set on fixing me, you got to be open too." He said glaring at her.

"I will be. Just not about that. Not yet." Her last words came out as a plea. Please don't make her cut herself open and bleed in front of you. Please don't ask her to share every intimate and dark secret when she doesn't know if you will still be there to comfort her.

"Bett-Mila" He caught himself "You and I are going to have a long damn road ahead of us."

"Oh I planned on it." She smiled a bit if only a fake one for his sake. He sighed and stood up. Grabbing his backpack from the foot of the bed and throwing it to the floor. "Hey be careful, fully automated weaponry in that damn thing."

"Safety's are on. Actions open. Chamber empty." He spoke sitting on the floor next to the bag.

"What the hell are you doing?" She motioned towards him.

"Going to sleep." He said laying back on the bag.

"Oh no. We aren't playing this game two nights in a row. Your pretty little ass is getting in this bed."

"You aren't sleeping on the floor doll." He said closing his eyes.

"Then we will both sleep on the floor." She said moving to her bag. Bucky grabbed her ankle as she walked by and her momentum almost made her fall forward. "The hell man?"

"Compromise? I will sleep on the bed if you do first."

"What?" She said moving her foot out of his grasp.

"You take the bed for half the night and I will take it the second half." Mila looked at him tilting her head. This was a dumb compromise and she knew it.

"You won't wake me up! You'll let me sleep there all night!" She gestured to the piece of furniture they were arguing over. Bucky suppressed a grin.

"Yeah that was the plan." Mila crossed her arms pretending to throw a fit.

"Can we just share?" She offered.

"Like sleep together?"

"Exactly." Bucky sat up and absently pulled at the fabric of his pants.

"I would hurt you." Mila uncrossed her arms trying to figure out what he meant. Surely he didn't think they were sleeping like _that_ together. "My nightmares." Mila's face dropped she knew firsthand that he had nightmares that plagued him as did she. The difference was she was five years removed from the violence HYDRA instilled in her.

"I'll take the bed tonight." She didn't want to argue with him now. She made her way to the bed and grabbed the blanket pulling it from the foot of the bed where it was tucked. Walking towards a confused Bucky she draped the blanket over the lower half of his body. "But you get the blanket." She smiled kneeling to his level. He returned the smile and looked back down at the blanket before muttering a thank you. Mila laid on the bed thankful that it was summer time, there was nothing she hated more than being cold. Turning to face the nightstand she turned off the lamp light and the moonlight shone through the window making Bucky look like nothing more than a black figure in the room. He laid with his back to her just out of the moonlight. Mila laid facing him outlining his figure countless times in the dark room. Her mind was running a mile a minute as she thought about Natasha's e-mail. How long before pictures were released and she couldn't go anywhere? Would people stop to read the entire file? Would they just see danger when they saw her? It wasn't her fault. She didn't have control. Between one of the infinite times she was looking at Bucky's black form, it shifted to a smaller more feminine one and she was sobbing. Mila sat up and moved across the floor that was now matted. This was no longer a room in Italy, it was a training room in the Red Room Academy.

"Natalia you are better than this." She spoke kneeling to get the girl up. She was only 14 she should not be training like this. Natasha's face was red and puffy she had been crying throughout the entire session.

"I don't want to graduate." She spoke through her perfect American English. Mila stood crossing her arms. It was a stance of disapproval.

"I already told the mistress you were more than ready. I will be the head of your ceremony. Understand I am doing this to your benefit." Natasha stood fists balled at her sides.

"HOW?! HOW DOES THIS BENEFIT ME AND NOT THE MOTHERLAND!" Mila pushed her back making her hit the wall. Mila didn't know anger but she knew logic. She explained herself in a low tone.

"If you graduate, you are free from these walls. You are smarter than them. Prove my training wasn't for nothing." She snapped her head to the doorway where she had heard the faintest sound. "показать себе товарища" (show yourself comrade) Mila backed away from the red headed girl who stopped crying. From the shadows the Winter Soldier's form appeared. To Natasha he was still intimidating. Mila was hardly afraid, if anything it didn't make sense that he would come see her.

"Является ли она готова?" (is she ready?) Mila looked at the girl in question.

"Она отказывается , чтобы показать это, но она есть." (She refuses to show it, but she is.) Mila walked to the center of the room gesturing for the pair to follow her. The Soldier did so without hesitation, Natasha knew what was coming and she was worried. Towering above the girl, the Soldier waited for Mila to give the command. "Начать!" (begin!) The fighting started instantly as they attacked each other Mila was making mental notes of how Natasha was failing. Sure to anyone else watching she was handling her own well enough, but Mila expected her to take him down shortly after they started. When Natasha was going to deliver a blow to his jaw the Winter Soldier quickly ducked hitting her in the abdomen with his left arm making her fly through the room to which she somersaulted into another attack position. "Stop!" Mila yelled making both figures look at her. "That was completely stupid Natasha! Comrade let us show her." Mila stepped up to the man and he stood ready to attack like he had been with Natash just moments ago. Mila took the same stance Natasha had holding one arm out as a block in front of her face and the other behind her head ready to take a swing at the metal-armed man. "Instead of the obvious attack," Mila stated using her arm to throw a fake punch to distract him while her foot came up hitting him in the groin. "Go for the cheap one." She said watching the soldier kneel before her.

"I was close enough." Natasha shot walking closer to them.

"Close gets you killed in this line of work." Mila said patting the Soldier on the head as she walked to meet Natasha. He quickly grabbed her forearm and threw her down on the ground. Mila let out a big breath and looked down across her body at the Soldier. He was moving to get on top of her to which she put her feet up to kick him away making him stumble backwards.

"Never let your guard down either." He spoke once he regained his balance. He held his left hand out to the woman who took it without fear. The metal appendage was not but an extension of the man. He pulled her up quickly making her place her hand on his chest to stop from throwing her body against his. She looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"окупаемость наступит" (paybacks will come) Her tone was flat, just a hint of a threat lingering. The man smiled back at her removing his hand from her arm only to place it in the middle of her pack pushing her closer.

"я не ча ждать" (I can not wait) If it was anyone but two deadly emotionless people, if you could call these shells people, there would be sexual tension. But these were two people who had had everything that made them human removed to make room to be tools for two of America's biggest organizational threats for the Cold War. The Soldier a product of HYDRA's evil and Mila a bargaining chip for the Red Room to keep HYDRA on their side. There was a knock from the doorway and all three people in the room looked at the shadow of a figure who stood there.

"вот ты где. Вам нужно быть нацелен." (there you are. you need to be prepped) The voice said. The Soldier instantly complied although Mila was close enough to see the wave of hatred plaster his face. He had been out of Cryo for too long between his missions again.

"Вы боялись, вы потеряли меня ?" (were you afraid you lost me?) He spoke joining the man in the doorway.

"вы знаете лучше , чем это. Я никогда не мог потерять тебя актив" ( you know better than that. I could never lose you asset.) The Soldier tensed at his words. Mila stood in the room watching the exchange.

"И тогда страж будет сопровождать меня ?" (so then the sentinel will accompany me?)

"Всегда." (always.) As he spoke the pair of men left the view leaving the girls alone. Natasha stood by Mila's side and grabbed her sleeve.

"Who is the Sentinel?" She asked looking at her mentor.

"The Red Sentinel makes sure the Winter Soldier completes his missions and brings him back in when he has been out of Cryo too long. The Red Sentinel does not fail." Mila spoke the words as if she was reading them off a paper for the first time. Natasha looked scared as she spoke about another ghost story to haunt the girls of the academy. Mila looked down at her pulling her arm away. "Now, let us find the headmistress so that you may show her you are ready." While Mila walked away she couldn't hear Natasha following her, when she turned to look she was still standing in the same spot. "Please, my agenda is full today." The girl still didn't move.

"You honestly care about me. You don't act like this around the other girls. I know you can't feel emotions because they took that away but you try and fake them for me." Mila nodded her head.

"You _are_ my red ballerina Natalia." That's it. That was the indication that yes, she was right. While Mila had no emotions within her she did muster a favorite out of the group of 28 girls. She recognized the similarities in the young girl and herself back when she was herself. Her brain came to the conclusion that if they were this much alike than the Red Room would find as much promise in Natalia as they did with her. It was logic that made her the favorite not love. Natalia wrapped her arms around the mentors frame to which Mila stood stoic.

"Will I fail you?" she asked against her shoulder

"Not if you become free." She spoke.

"You promise to be there for my graduation?"

"I will perform the surgery myself. That is after all, why they recruited me in the first place." Natasha let her arms drop.

"Why?" She asked fading away. Mila was standing beside the bed in Italy as everything fell back into place. Natasha still trusted her, still looked out for her and even saved her after what Mila had done. That was something that plagued her every day she was free from HYDRA. She looked down at Bucky who had turned to face her, he was clearly awake wondering why she wasn't asleep.

"You take the bed. I am not going to sleep tonight anyway. I can tell." Mila walked over to her bag and laid her head down and faced the wall. Bucky got up and placed the blanket on her making her flinch a bit at his kindness. She just saw him as the machine HYDRA intended moments ago. Now here they were both free from the Organizations that made them, both still broken. "Can I ask a favor?" She mirrored his words from the previous night still looking at the wall. She could feel he was towering over her.

"Yeah sure." He mumbled kneeling down to her.

"Can you not talk about the Red Room this late at night?"

"Yeah I'm sorry." He said placing a hand on her shoulder. She didn't respond her memory had left her feeling hollow like she had all those years in the Academy. "Night." He said walking over to the bed and laying down on his back. He had been laying on his right side watching Mila and the weight of his arm made his back sore. But laying on his back felt like being in Cryo again. There was no winning. He put his right arm behind his head and felt the pillow, it would have to be enough to ground him into thinking that he was not under HYDRA's control. When sleep found him it was almost peaceful.

 _Bucky was asleep and it was odd that for once it wasn't a nightmare. He was back in the 40's the allies won the war and the celebration back home was just beginning. After spending a long evening out with Steve and Peggy he was just waking up in his home with a dog asleep on the floor and his wife asleep in the bed beside him. Her brown curly hair still smelt of the perfume she wore to the dance hall last night. He sighed and took in this relaxing moment. Propping himself up on his left elbow, that was indeed still intact, he placed a gentle hand on his wife's bare shoulder letting his thumb caress the soft skin._

" _Good morning honey." Her soft voice filled the room with affection. Knowing she was awake his hand moved down to her hip as he placed a kiss to her temple. She turned and faced her husband and Bucky was looking in Mila's beautiful brown eyes._

" _Good morning beautiful." Her smile was contagious as she kissed his lips._

" _Can we just stay in bed all day? Or do I need to make you breakfast?" She asked placing a gentle hand along his jawline._

" _It's all up to you doll. I intend to relish in my victory across the sea. How I relish is up to my beautiful bride who knows me best" His hand slid to firmly grab the curve of her back. Her leg slid up under the covers and she placed it lazily over his own leg._

" _I can not think of anything my loving husband would want." Mila's hand went up to his shoulder and she pushed him closer to her only to have him lay on his stomach. "Shall we start with a gentle massage?" She purred straddling his back and putting her thumbs on the back of his neck to begin rubbing him down._

" _My god, I couldn't have picked a better woman. Mmmhmm" He said moaning at her touch. A good massage had always been his weakness but Mila knew exactly how to manipulate his body. Smirking she kept relatively close to his neck and upper shoulders. "Don't forget the shoulders." He mumbled. Sure enough she moved to his shoulders but Bucky couldn't feel it like he should. His left shoulder seemed unresponsive. This sent a panic through him._

" _Buck?" mila asked concerned. He could feel her fear as well. Bucky got up and looked at his arm, what was normal moments ago was now metal and covered in blood. Looking up at Mila she was no longer in the bed with him she was running away from him._

Bucky sat up in bed waking up and saw that the real Mila still as could be against the wall. She was still asleep. Thank God. He laid pack down and knew that it would be a long night for both of them.

 **Alrighty what did you think? Please leave a review. Feedback helps a lot and I thank you for your support.**


	8. Shadow of Your Heart

**Warning: This chapter is inspired by some fanart I saw and it may be a little dark. I try to keep things uplifting though. SO uh, here ya go. Please review and let me know if you felt heartbroken.**

 **to** abstract0118: thanks for your review, and Bucky is tormented a little more in this chapter. I am not done letting either of them suffer yet. But their relationship is going to help them a lot. Shared life experience and all that. Hope you enjoy this one

* * *

It was the creaking of the door that woke up Mila. She opened her eyes slowly and saw nothing but a blank wall. Panic spread through her before remembering she was a guest in someone's home. Then she heard a thud. She quickly turned and saw the bed was empty. That wasn't right. She flung the blanket off herself and went to the opened door looking down the hallway. There was only a bathroom and a storage room that was on this second floor. Well there was a door to an attic but it was locked, she could see that from the dimly lit hall. A groan and the clank of metal found its way out to the hall. She walked to the bathroom slowly unsure of what she would see. A sharp sound like nails on a chalkboard but worse met her ears followed by sharp hiss. Mila paused at the doorway. Someone was hurting Bucky and she had nothing to help her defend herself. She shook her head, she was trained by the Red Room, she didn't need anything else. Another painful groan and she pushed the door open ready to attack whatever HYDRA agent had found them but instead she put a hand over her mouth suppressing the loud gasp that escaped. Bucky turned to look at her but she could tell he wasn't here. He had a knife clutched in his hand and blood was running off his left shoulder dripping onto the floor covering his chest and the knife.

"Buck, what the hell?" She whispered uncovering her mouth. He seemed to snap out of it at her words and the knife hit the floor clattering. He started breathing heavy and Mila rushed to him.

"I- I don't know-"

"Are you ok?" She asked grabbing a towel she looked at his shoulder and could see slash marks on his flesh and scratches on the metal arm. Some of the cuts were too deep to just bandage. There was a small whining noise coming from the arm, clearly he broke something.

" You wouldn't stop staring at it like I was a monster. So I tried to get rid of it." Mila cocked her head to the side placing the towel on his shoulder to apply pressure. She couldn't believe his words. He had tried to cut off the metal arm.

"Bucky you know I don't think of you like that." She said trying to remain calm. She could feel tears begin to sting her eyes and bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing. Bucky just kept looking ahead at the small dirty mirror. She reached out slowly and grabbed his right hand placing it over the towel. "Hold it here. I- I got to get the supplies." She chocked out, her voice betraying the calm she wanted to show for Bucky's sake. Once she was sure he would hold his hand there she left to dart across the hall hoping their incident didn't wake up anyone below. She grabbed her bag and nearly ran into Gavino who had his cellphone flashlight out.

"Va tutto bene?" (is everything alright) He asked scratching the back of his neck. No. Nothing is alright.

"Si! Solo la pulizia dopo un po 'di divertimento." (Yes. Just cleaning up after a bit of fun.) She said with a wink. Gavino chuckled.

"Avrei volute unito" (Wish I could have joined) He said smiling returning her wink. Mila rolled her eyes and waited for him to leave. He seemed to get the hint and walked back down the stairs. She was back in the bathroom where Bucky was sitting on the toilet. She made her way over and placed her hand on top of his. She put pressure around the wounds he inflicted and started counting to herself marking the time. She needed the bleeding to stop before she could do much else.

"It was the same nightmare over and over. You always looked at it and ran away. I finally caught you and you were still so scared so I told you I would get rid of it." He spoke flatly and Mila let her tears fall silently. Maybe she didn't have it as bad as she thought. She let out a breath and lightly moved her thumb across the top of his flesh hand.

"You know I would never ask that of you." Her words comforted him a little as became aware of her simple touch on his hand.

"I know." He said defeated. He hung his head lower and tried blocking out the nightmare of Mila's frightened face. Mila who was in his nightmare his wife who should have loved him for everything he was, even she wouldn't accept he was a monster. Besides wasn't it a husband's job to make his wife happy? He couldn't believe how badly he had hurt himself over a stupid nightmare. He was beating himself up for not being able to control his thoughts, hell when was the last time he could? 70 some years ago.

" You know you used to be the biggest flirt I ever met." Mila began smiling even though tears fell from her face. Bucky looked her way offering a small smile as a way of encouragement. He wanted to hear more about them. He wanted to hear more about his best girl Betty.

"Used to? Did you meet someone else?" He asked trying his best at a joke. She chuckled a bit and wiped her face.

"No, not that. Hell no one could hold a candle to your charm Mr. Casanova." She smiled and moved to sit on the edge of the tub that was close enough to the pair that she could. "You see you always kept me on my toes in the Army but the one thing that was worse than worrying about you getting me court marshalled was Colonel Phillips, I still can't believe you stood up to him for me."

 _The 107_ _th_ _was now in their base camp in Azzano Italy. Betty and Bucky were two weeks into their bet and true to her word the boys were feeling sore and yet they felt better than ever. She was not only giving them the hardest training of their lives but she had managed to convince them to change their diets as well. Every bit of her medical knowledge was put into making these been be the best they could. Getting their vitamins and exercise, working soldiers like her father would, living up to the Raden name. The men who at first resented having her in charge and had given Bucky a hard time for losing and making them endure this training by making sure the mess tent was near destroyed after every meal so he had a real shit storm to clean up, had seen what Betty wanted of them. She wanted men who made their country and each other proud. She told them getting into the Army didn't make you earn the pride your country has for you, you have to live by that country's principles and fight for them with all your heart. She made them recite the pledge, the preamble, and the Declaration of Independence as they did their morning drills. They had to admit she knew what she was about but when they were doing their drill routine in Azzano the Colonel walked up watching his Sergeant taking orders from his female Corporal and was not impressed. Betty had her back to the Colonel but all the men could see clearly the impressive officer flanked by a woman and fellow officer. The men who were midway through saying the preamble and doing their sit ups, slowly stopped one by one. Betty herself stopped and stood in the middle of the line._

 _"_ _Boys! What has gotten into you?!" She declared putting her hands behind her back. They all stood at attention and saluted her. She tilted her head and felt someone standing behind her._

 _"_ _Sergent!" Phillips barked out causing the officer to step out of formation and near him. Betty resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead let out a sigh. She turned and saw the oldest friend of the Raden family. The one who would join them at the dinner table with his own small family. Colonel Chester Phillips. "Corporal!" Betty saluted the man and her jaw twitched as she did so. She knew she wouldn't hear the end of this. "At ease. Barnes you want to tell me why you aren't running the drills? I come here ready to give my men an assignment and here you are letting a woman do your job. Why?"_

 _"_ _He's a man of his word Colonel." Betty said trying to detear the tension. The Colonel turned to face her._

 _"_ _I don't believe I was talking to you Raden! Barnes answer the question." Barnes squared his shoulder and prepared to answer._

 _"_ _Like the Corporal said, I am a man of my word. We had a bet and I lost, so she is in charge for a month."_

 _"_ _What the hell type of bet was that?"_

 _"_ _I lost a race." He said._

 _"_ _You lost a race to some woman and now you're letting my soldiers go soft by letting her train em!"_

 _"_ _With all due respect sir. I lost a bet fair and square to the most qualified officer in this company. She ain't just some woman." Bucky gave her a side glance to which she closed her eyes._

 _"_ _Both of you follow me. Agent Carter Lieutenant McKay with me as well." The Colonel walked into an empty supply tent. He waited only briefly after everyone was in before starting. "Sergeant Barnes you are the one in charge here don't let her get too big a head on her. She is lucky to even be in this damn company."_

 _"_ _Sir, she's been whipping us into better shape than we were." Bucky argued back. Betty put her hand on his shoulder._

 _"_ _Barnes, just stop. Both of these men are here to babysit." She said hiding her anger. The only other woman in the tent crossed her arms taking in the scene._

 _"_ _Now you look here missy. If it wasn't for your daddy's little letter you would be stuck back in the states training the new recruits for the W.A.C. It is with my good word that you are here."_

 _"_ _Well sometimes those ladies have more heart than these men." Betty quipped. The Lieutenant rolled his eyes sighing and Agent Carter bit her lip trying to hide the proud smirk that would show._

 _"_ _God damn it Betty, just keep your trap shut."_

 _"_ _Sir that is no way to speak to a lady." Bucky said. Chester pointed threatingly at him,_

 _"_ _I will put you back on a plane to the States so fast you'll get whiplash. Now at attention and take orders." Bucky stood still not moving to stand as he should. He shook his head looking down at his feet._

 _"_ _You gotta apologize to the gal first." He looked at Chester chin up and jaw set. Betty looked at Bucky quizzically, men didn't stand up so a woman could be in their place. At least Wilbur didn't. However she knew Chester better than Bucky and was just praying that this man didn't get discharged on the spot. She looked back to the man who she always saw as a mean Uncle, he always favored her sister Eva because she did what little girls were supposed to do, the Lieutenant standing here was proof of that. She spared the glance at her brother-in-law who was waiting to see what his C.O. would do. Would Chester actually listen to this punk from Brooklyn? "I'm waiting." Bucky pushed._

 _"_ _I'm sorry. Alright. Now you and me are going to go find the rest of the officers and map out our plan of attack here. You Miss Raden are going to stay put with Agent Carter and Lieutenant McKay." The Colonel disappeared with Bucky on his heels and Betty looked at Raymond McKay ready to hit him._

 _"_ _You just stood there and let him downgrade me like that? Some brother." Agent Carter looked between the pair confused._

 _"_ _This is your sister?" She spoke with her British accent._

 _"_ _In-law." He said exasperated._

 _"_ _You know I outranked you! I was respected! What gives now?" She yelled_

 _"_ _Yeah well when you nagged to get into the men's league you chose to take that downgrade." Raymond continued._

 _"_ _And because she stepped up to your challenge she should be treated like dirt?" Peggy asked looking at her fellow female. She could already see so much of herself in the girl._

 _"_ _Look Peggy, she has always been trying to get into the man's business and-"_

 _"_ _What about me?" She stated daring the man to insult her or make an exception for her. He chose to change the topic all together._

 _"_ _Who the hell was that kid anyway?" He gestured towards where Bucky had just left moments ago._

 _"_ _Sergeant Barnes."_

 _"_ _He trying to get with you?"_

 _"_ _What would it matter to you anyway? Look I am here to do my damn job. I am not going to be bothered with romance."_

 _"_ _Isn't that why you joined the Army? Following in your dad's footsteps?"_

 _"_ _Shut the hell up." She said walking back out of the tent to find her medic team. Peggy followed her and stopped her._

 _"_ _My name is Peggy. I just want to say, I am proud of you for standing your ground." Betty smiled and nodded her head._

 _"_ _You know, don't hear that much. Name's Betty. Those assholes you came in with are unfortunately my inherited family and they have always been bitter about my achievements where it should be a man only." Peggy put her arm around the girl patting her shoulder._

 _"_ _Oh I know all about that one. Now let me tell you what Phillips is telling your friend."_

 _Bucky showed up to the mess hall after dinner had stopped being served but found Betty sitting by herself with a full plate in front of her. He walked up to her not wanting to sit down in case she was upset over defending her earlier. She looked up at him smiling._

 _"_ _Got ya dinner." She said scooting the tray across the table to which Bucky sat down not yet touching his food._

 _"_ _Thanks Raden. You ain't mad for earlier?" She offered a warm and sincere smile to the man across from her._

 _"_ _No, I'm actually impressed. And I might have wanted to thank you." She said putting her head down._

 _"_ _You aren't getting shy on me now are you?" Bucky asked flashing his signature smirk._

 _"_ _Please, I wouldn't know shy if it kicked me in the ass." She put her elbows up on the table folding her hands in front of her._

 _"_ _So you know the Colonel?" Bucky asked starting in on his meal._

 _"_ _My dad and him served together in World War I. My dad was his C.O. and now he thinks I should be so thankful that he got me out of the Women's Corp and into the Army. At least in the Women's Corp I was a First Officer, I was surrounded by people who wanted to see me succeed. That seems to be the opposite of this place." She absently rubbed her temple. Bucky swallowed the bite he was on and pointed at her with his fork._

 _"_ _Now you look here Raden those men you've been working with the last two weeks respect you so much because you earned it. They may still give you hell occasionally but they do that with me just as well."_

 _"_ _What about you Barnes?" She asked putting her hand down to prop up her chin._

 _"_ _I'm pretty proud of what you've done with my men and if I'm honest I'm actually impressed." He said mirroring her earlier words. Betty blushed and covered her mouth so he wouldn't see the wide smile that plastered her face. "What now I got you speechless? I'm on a roll today." Betty lightly kicked him under the table._

 _"_ _You're a real piece of work Barnes." He laughed._

 _"_ _I'll take that as a compliment. So what does a First Officer in the Women's Corp do?" He asked taking another bite._

 _"_ _Same thing as a Captain would." He stopped chewing for a moment before talking with his mouth full._

 _"_ _You got demoted from Captain to Corporal?" He said in disbelief._

 _"_ _Well, I wanted to see the action. I wasn't satisfied in the states. It's my duty to serve my country. That's something I hope all you men understand."_

 _"_ _Well starting the day with the Preamble helps." He said with a chuckle. Shaking her head she bit her tongue._

 _"_ _That's what my dad said he would do with the troops so that they understood why they were fighting every day. I think it's an effective measure."_

 _"_ _Well you aren't wrong. So I convinced Phillips to let you finish out the bet. You can train the men for the next two weeks if I step in if you get out of line from Phillips training plan." Betty perked up. She had known Phillips her entire life, no one ever got that stubborn man to change his mind._

 _"_ _What? How?!" she asked leaning his way._

 _"_ _I just told him that if you didn't get to lead then he would be breaking the word and promise of two members of the army and that'd be a poor example for the men to see." Betty put her head down in her hands hiding the small tears that formed. No man had ever tried so hard to keep her on her own path of success. "Well if you don't wanna-" She snapped her head up ignoring the tears he could probably see._

 _"_ _No I do! It's just I don't get too many people who root for me." Bucky dared reached across the table and grabbed her hands._

 _"_ _This gender shit shouldn't matter. You got just as much heart and drive as my friend Steve. People always disregard him because he's so small but people got to stop looking at the stupid shit. They need to look harder, then they'd make you a damn General." She pulled her hands out of his hold and looked down at the floor._

 _"_ _Thanks James." She said using his first name._

 _"_ _Call me Bucky."_

 _"_ _Bucky?" She looked at the man who shrugged._

 _"_ _James Buchanan Barnes is the full name. Bucky cuz ya know Buchanan is a mouthful."_

 _"_ _Maybe I'll just stick with Barnes." She said_

 _"_ _Call me whatever you want doll."_

"You were the first man who ever wanted to see me follow my own path. That was when I first started falling in love with you. I didn't know it, but that's what was happening." Mila said slowly checking on the wounds under the towel. They had stopped bleeding well enough for her to begin patching him up.

"I remember when McKay left you hugged him and I thought he was your sweetheart." Bucky mumbled. Mila beemed despite their current situation that he was remembering things on his own.

"Yeah, I thought you were going to fight him."

"Thought about it." He said putting his hands in his lap. She began to stich him up and worked in silence for the most part. She looked at the panel he had shifted and found the source of the odd noise was a cut wire. The only time she spoke up was when she asked if he had a lighter on him. To which he said no. She went back to the room and grabbed the oil lamp off the table and turned it on taking the same knife that caused all the damage to the flame she would use it to repair him. She used the heated part of the blade and a pair of tweezers to hold two wires that he had severed together while they were fused back. She had to admit in all her years as a nurse and in the Red Room she never got to work on his cybernetic arm and now that she did she felt proud that she had even the slightest idea on how to. She moved the panel back into place and looked over the shoulder making sure everything was fixed up. Once she was pleased with her work she cleaned up and noticed Bucky slowly move out of the bathroom. When she was done she found him in the bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed moving his metal arm and focused solely on that. Mila bit her lip and set her bag down and closed the door. She walked over to him slowly not wanting to scare him. When she stood in front of him she grabbed his chin and made him look up at her.

"Buck you sh-"

"Thank you." He cut her off and she looked down.

"Just part of my job." She shrugged and looked into his tormented eyes. He was still beating himself up over his self-harm. She grabbed his hands and sat on his lap facing him. She put his right hand on her hip and continued to hold the left metal hand. "I will always be there for you." She went on. "But do not think that I would ever be so afraid to run from you." She tried to move his left hand down to touch her but he held it in the air.

"I don't want to touch something so precious with such an ugly weapon." He spoke. She shook her head and put her other hand on the back of his neck.

"I do not see it as that. I see it as an intricate piece of technology that allows you to carry on with some normalcy." He let out a huff of air.

"Because a metal arm is normal." He shot off. She ignored his statement and put her forehead against his.

"If you do not stop beating yourself up, I will start beating you up and you won't like it." His right hand slid down to cup her bottom to which she jumped at his touch.

"I might." He tried to joke. Mila closed her eyes and moved to whisper in his ear.

"You know I remember all your turn ons right." Bucky felt a part of him start to waken. He knew he wanted to kiss her and he wanted to lay her back on the bed but he couldn't remember how to submit to those feelings.

"Should I be worried." He asked.

"Be terrified" She said with a smile. She took his metal hand and quickly placed it on her hip where a bit of exposed skin greeted the cold metal. She was shocked by the temperature and it caused her hips to buck against his for a moment. Which in turn made him close his eyes. Mila took the chance to capture his lips with her own. He was stiff at first when her soft lips met his but he began to relax as her hand massaged the back of his neck with tenderness. He let out a moan and his right hand buried itself in her hair pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. He had not known this type of warmth in him for so long. It felt great. Mila had missed this so much over the years. She wanted to feel Bucky like she had 71 years ago. Bucky pulled away and let out a ragged breath.

"That was-"

"Amazing." Mila said cutting him off and making sure he didn't talk again by kissing him. Bucky leaned back on the bed never breaking the kiss. His cool metal hand went up her shirt making her push into him as the coolness made her gasp. Bucky smirked and let his metal hand rest at the small of her back making sure he did not hurt her with the hand. Mila pushed herself up just enough to place her hands on his bare chest mindful to not touch the fresh wounds.

"Now look at this, you just put that hand on me and it got me all flustered." She said lightly brushing one of his dark locks out of his face. He smiled and put his head back.

"Yeah look at this, we are sharing a bed." He peeked down at her to see her reaction. She bit her lip and lightly bopped him on the nose with her finger.

"Well if I recall it was you who didn't want to share." Bucky moved his right hand to capture her own and he laced his fingers with hers kissing her knuckles.

"Eh, there are worse things I guess." He said closing his eyes. Mila laid her head on his chest and could feel his heart still beating rapidly. There was all the proof she needed that he would heal. He still had his heart, the same heart that loved her. She would never stop helping him so long as his heart was beating.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. Did you feel upset, sad,or heartbroken? Let me know what you think in a review.**


	9. Search Party

**AN: Alrightly here we go.**

 **Polzehngra59: I'm glad you liked it but we have some more growing in their relationship before we get to the smut that , i promise, will come. It will be great.**

 **abstract0118: thank you. I am sorry you felt sad and stuff but what kind of author would I be if I didn't make my readers sad at some point. I try really hard to be aware of Bucky's arm while I write, like surely it's uncomfortable for him and he hates it but Mila is at ease around it. I also didn't know if it was too much for that ending in the last chapter but clearly it was just fine to have them make-out.**

* * *

Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers were walking out of a cemetery Natasha in tow. Steve was flipping through pages in a file named 'Case no. 17', he needed to figure out a place to start looking for his friend. Sam had his phone out trying to check if the local police had had any hits on the Winter Soldier. They had already lost two days because Steve was in the hospital he wasn't about to waste another second. Especially if his best friend was trained by HYDRA he would no doubt know how to take himself off the grid. Natasha was more concerned about her friend and keeping her well hidden from Steve. She knew his mentor could hold her own and hide in plain sight, hell she had been doing it for years now but when Steve was determined he was unstoppable and having him find out about her was not something Natasha was ready to discuss.

"What the hell?" Sam said stopping causing his two friends to stop as well and look at him.

"What is it Sam?" Steve asked Sam shook his head and held the phone out. Steve grabbed it and began reading the story his eyebrows furrowing with confusion.

"I knew her. She volunteered to teach some self-defense classes at the VA." Steve scanned the same news story the Natasha had sent out only hours ago.

" Last name Raden?" Steve asked incredulously.

"Yeah, she was always helping me when she would get done at the Smithsonian. She told me she was a vet." Natasha shifted uncomfortably between the two men. She had spent the past five years helping her mentor hide from those who want to put her back into the system and now two men who she called allies were about to be enemies in this small sense.

"What's that article say?" Natasha asked playing innocent.

"It says she's born from the Red Room and responsible for at least two political assassinations and three other important ones. But this part here is the interesting one. How do you highlight this things again?" Steve asked handing the phone back to Sam who rolled his eyes and just gave the phone to Natasha. She pretended to read it for the first time but every word was already seared into her memory from days long since passed. She knew these stories because Mila told them to Natasha herself. Some of these stories they mentioned had made Natasha afraid of her mentor. "You know her?" Steve prodded. Natasha shook her head and gave the phone to Sam.

"No it's not like the Red Room has little cocktail parties." She said with a smirk. Steve gave a disapproving look and pointed at the phone than to the file in his hand.

"If what that article says is true she could help us find Bucky. Sam what else do you know about her?"

"She bragged about working on your exhibit." Sam said

"My exhibit?" Steve asked crossing his arms.

"Yeah the one at the Smithsonian."

"This Lieudmyla-"

"Lyudmila." Natasha corrected his terrible pronunciation of the Russian name

"Right, it says her last name is Raden. Did she ever talk about a family? Or which war she was a vet from?" Sam shook his head.

"Said she was all that was left of her family. Never mentioned a war. But the way you ask I'm guessing she didn't serve in Iraq."

"Natasha can you get a picture-" Sam closed out of the article and pulled up a photo of Mila with a veteran. Her face wasn't the main focus but that still gave Steve enough.

"This who you think it is?" Sam asked showing him the phone. Steve shook his head and kept staring at the image.

"I don't believe it."

"You've fought aliens, what is it exactly that you can't believe?" Sam quipped.

"This girl's name isn't Lyudmila. It's Betty. She fought with me in World War II."

"How many War pals you got that ain't dead?" Sam deadpanned. Steve looked at his new friend with seriousness.

"She's the key to finding Bucky." Steve said reopening the file he had on the Winter Soldier. Sam crossed his arms and looked at Natasha. She tilted her head looking at Steve.

"Why do you think that? Her file says she went missing from HYDRA in 2009. She'd have no idea on how to find him." Natasha hoped that fact would deter him from pursuing her.

"But she knows he's alive and besides… you don't stop looking for your fiancé." Steve said looking at his friends.

…...

Mila was driving a car they found in Verona that morning and Bucky was in the passenger seat trying to write in his journal. Their night curled up with each other had meant he had some decent memories come back to him. One of him and Steve trying to get a ride home from Coney Island and trying to take him out on a double date when they were fresh out of school. He didn't have a single thought of Mila back when she was Betty and that was ok with him. He had Mila here to tell him the past when she was ready. Steve was a different story. He would surely be trying to find him but there was no way that he wanted to face his best friend when his mind still connected him to being a mission. Once he had finished writing he closed the journal and leaned back in the seat attempting to figure out how to remember the woman sitting in the car with him.

"When did you damage your concealing panels?" Mila asked breaking the silence. Bucky turned his head to give her the look of confusion. "You know the Red Room equipped that arm with the ability to look and feel like a real arm in the early 80's. When did you break it?" She asked slowing to make a turn.

"I can't remember. I think it was on my mission five years ago. The Black Widow was there and while she didn't stand a chance in a fight, she did some damage." Bucky recalled. Mila smiled at the mention of her favorite little orphan. "Do you know how to repair it?" He asked trying not to sound too hopeful.

"No. I was never trained on the mechanics of your arm."

"What were you trained in?" He asked

"Special missions. Get in my bag and there is my blue journal. Inside it there should be a folded manila envelope." Bucky listened to the instructions brushing off the way she ignored his question. He found the blue journal and the envelope folded in half and stuck in the back pages.

"Alright now what."

"Get inside and read those."

"Wait real quick, what does this cover say? I tried to figure it out the other day but-"

"but you started getting an anxiety attack."

"Yeah." He said with a big breath.

"It says: to the lady who has always helped me. From the fool who will always need you. Thanks for pointing out my stupidity." Mila said trailing off at the end with the happy thought.

"When did I give it to you?" He asked slowly opening the envelope and looking inside.

"You gave me the journal after Phillips visit. You had actually asked your sister to mail you one the second day we were in England, right after you had your friend punch ya. It took a while for it to get to base."

"Then technically Rebecca got this for you?"

"Well it was your idea and you told her where you hid your emergency money." Mila looked over at him smiling.

"I used emergency money to get that?" Mila nodded her head. "Well, if I got you out of it, maybe it was worth it." He let a small smirk play at his lips and Mila playfully hit him in the metal arm. He noticed she treated the left arm just as she would the right. She didn't try and avoid it or stare knowing what was there. He smiled at the thought.

"Damn it Barnes. What am I going to do with ya?" She said shaking her head.

"Start by telling me why I am reading these papers?" He said pulling out a stack of yellowed pages. He skimmed over the pages and saw they were letters from himself to Rebecca.

"I think you'll figure it out." She said with a warm smile and turned the radio up a little to show she wasn't going to talk while he read the letters.

….

"Yeah when was the last time you actually spoke with Lyudmila?" Sam asked the Director of the Museum in hos office.

"She was in contact with me two days ago but I haven't talked to her since then. Look I had no idea she was some HYDRA killer." He began.

"You don't know what a background check is?" Sam said crossing his arms.

"Look someone from the University suggested I take her as an intern and when the time came to start planning the Captain America exhibit she jumped on the opportunity. She was able to get so many of the artifacts, I should have known something was wrong."

"Well if she does contact you I want to hear about it first."

"I think the C.I.A. warrants the first call." Sam smiled and put his hand on the man's shoulder giving it a squeeze.

"I think Captain America get the first call on the location of his friend. You give me the call wait two hours and you can call in the big guns." The Director offered a pained smile as Sam's grip was getting too tight.

"Deal."

"Thatta boy. Now tell me you got any addresses for the girl?"

"I already gave the C.I.A. all that information. It's on my desk." He walked over to the desk cluttered with paperwork and pulled out a piece of paper handing it to Sam. "They were in here this morning."

"Did she ever talk about friends or going anywhere else?"

"The only friends she ever mentioned were 'two old family friends.' I think one of them was named Rebecca and the other Margret." Sam nodded his head and made a note in his phone. "Ever say where they were?"

"Said they shared a house. I don't know. Outside of talking about history she was a very private person. Hell, never even mentioned going to the VA to see you." Sam chuckled

"How rude. Well, remember our deal." Sam stuck his phone in his pocket and held his hand out to the director. He took it and shook with a slight nod. Sam left and called Steve. He picked up on the fourth ring.

" _Sam. What'd you get?"_

 _"_ Oh not even a hello?" He joked walking out of the museum and to his rental car. There was no doubt about it his car was totaled thanks to the asshole he was trying to help Steve find. He wouldn't let the man live it down either.

" _Sam"_ He could tell his friend wasn't in a mood to joke.

"Do the names Rebecca and Margret ring a bell to you?" He opened the door and put his seatbelt on.

" _Last names?"_

 _"_ Didn't say. Just said they lived together."

" _Wait- He must of meant Peggy and… Buck's sister Rebecca. Yeah Rebecca and Peggy are in the same nursing home."_

 _"_ Well which one is that?" Sam said ready to put a new destination into his phone.

...

Mila drove in comfortable silence while Bucky read the letters he had sent his sister so many years ago when he was fighting a war. He had chuckled and scoffed. But as the letters went on she could see he was crying silently. Mila hoped it was for a happy reason and not a sad one. When she was about to ask he pulled his journal out of his backpack and began to jot down ideas at a quick pace. He glanced from the letters back to his journal and kept writing.

"Who is Gabe?" He asked pausing waiting for her answer.

"He was a fellow soldier. He was a Howling Commando. He also punched you in the face." Bucky nodded his head and kept writing. He must have finally realized he had cried because when Mila hazarded a glance his way he was wiping his cheeks. She didn't know the best way to ask how he reacted to the last letter. She would bid her time though they still had about two hours of driving. She reached down by her leg to grab the road map and the road signs. She was still headed the right direction, it was more of a move to keep her distracted from the man in the passenger seat. Her years of training had made both her and Bucky experts and finding locations with a glance at a map.

"Who is John?" Bucky asked looking at the driver. Mila bit her lip and sucked in a breath.

"He is my nephew." It was Mila's turn to cry silently. She tried to focus on the road.

"I only wrote about him once." Bucky noted.

"That's because you only met him once." Mila pulled over on the side of the road and got out. She needed to stretch her legs and get out of the car that seemed too small. Bucky put his journal back and got out of the car as well. He leaned against the roof and watched her pace while holding her arms above her head to stretch. Her breath was shaky as Bucky finally decided to approach her .

"Why do you have those letters?" He asked rubbing her arm.

"It was my job to collect artifacts for the Smithsonian's Captain America Exhibit and analyze them. Rebecca offered to donate some for their research but I kept the more intimate ones. Call me selfish or paranoid." He wrapped his right arm around her shoulders and gave her a light squeeze.

"Well I'm glad for that. But why would that be paranoid?" Mila shrugged out of his hold and faced him placing her hands on his chest absently tugging at the material.

"Because there are so many people who come to the museum looking at the artifacts and you can't always spot a HYDRA agent. Plus if the museum knew about us they would want to put my picture in the museum, hard to hide that I am supposed to be dead when the tour guide looks just like the person behind the glass." She pushed her body closer and slowly moved her hands up to his shoulders. "Besides… not everyone should get to know about the greatest love of my life and his confessions." She placed a chaste kiss to his cheek which caused a small blush to form where her lips had been. Bucky put his hands on her back and rubbed gently.

"But that last one…. Does that mean we are- I mean still- why would you let me read that last one?"

"Well when you told me about your nightmare last night and how I was your wife, I wanted you to know that I was just one step shy of being your wife in our life. I accepted you and everything our future would hold for us then, I am not about to back out of it now because of a 70 year gap. I mean technically" she played with his hair "we are still engaged." Her nails grazed the nape of his neck making him shiver. "If you want to be." His blue eyes found hers and his arms pulled her in close and he rested his cheek on top of her head.

"You told me I wasn't the Winter Soldier and I wasn't the Bucky you loved. I am not sure who I am. I look at you and there is something buried deep and I can't place a word to what that feeling is. I want to be submerged in my past when I look at you but it's painful because I can't remember anything. It's like trying to grab something in the water. It looks like its right in front of you but when you go to grab at it you miss and the water is distorted for so long, you have to wait for the water to calm before you can try to grab at the thing again but by that time it's long since gone. Make sense?" Mila murmured in agreement, she hated that he felt so lost. There was only so much she could do to ease him back to the Bucky she knew and even then he wouldn't be the same. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tighter.

...

"Look sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A man in a white uniform spoke to Sam holding a hand out to stop him from entering the common area.

"No, it's visiting hours and I need to make a visit with Rebecca Barnes-Procter." He stated.

"Sir, she has been interrogated by the F.B.I. and the C.I.A. all morning. She does not have the strength to be accepting other visitors today."

"Then I'll come back tomorrow."

"Look sir, you have no relation to Mrs. Procter. If you did it would be different-"

"It's about her friend Betty. Can you at least tell her that and see if she wants to talk?" Sam bargained. The man crossed his arms and walked into the common area of the very lavish nursing home. It was a wonder how people could afford to let their parents live out their days here. It didn't take long for a white haired woman with brilliant blue eyes to approach Sam the orderly standing behind her. Looking her over quickly he didn't see any resemblance to the man who had torn his car apart and tried to kill him days ago. Then of course he has some weird science that helped him and his sister had to live out her life like any normal person.

"He said you know Betty. Nobody knows Betty." Her voice sounded strained giving truth to the fact she had been interrogated all morning.

"I'm here because Steve does. He told me if you had doubts about me to remind you that you still owe him from the Dodgers game." Sam waited for her to process this information to which a huge smile graced her wrinkled face reaching her eyes.

"Well I suppose I do. Let's go talk in my room." She said walking with her cane past the orderly and down a hallway. Sam followed taking in the décor of the place, it was exceptionally nice but as he went in further he saw there were only 10 rooms down the hall. This place was definitely exclusive. They made it to her room where the door was open. She had floral wallpaper and oak framing in the room. Sam wasn't an interior designer but he was certain people didn't decorate rooms like this since well, since Rebecca was a little girl. She slowly sat down on her bed and put her hand outward to the chair in the room. Sam took the seat with a thank you and angled it to face her.

"My name is Sam Wilson ma'am and we are trying to find Betty and your brother. The Captain and I just-"

"Steve." She spoke.

"Yeah Steve and I just took down HYDRA and as you know everyone is looking for your brother but we are going a different route."

"By using Betty's old skills to lead you to him." She nodded her head looking at the floor.

"Well basically yeah. So I was wondering when the last time-"

"That's cruel." She said looking at the floor. Sam's confusion made it to his face.

"I'm sorry what-"

"Trying to force her to unbury demons she's been working through so that you can find Bucky."

"Look we don't know what the C.I.A. or anyone else for that matter would do with your brother if they found him. Steve is trying to protect him."

"And what about Betty? What if your little goose chase gets her caught? I love my brother so deeply but do not think I don't value my friendship with Betty." Sam had underestimated this woman for being a sweet compliant elderly lady, he could see why she was friends with Mila. They were both pistols.

"Look if we can find them both we can protect them both."

"No. Betty has been hiding for five years now. She doesn't want to be found by anyone save for my brother. I promised her that every time she came to visit me that I would keep her safe from organizations that wanted her."

"Ma'am it's the Avengers. Not SHIELD not HYDRA not the US government, it is more friends trying to protect them." Rebecca pouted her lips and crossed her arms.

"From what Betty told me about herself and my brother they can protect themselves. Moreover, she has probably found him by now and they are an unstoppable force together."

* * *

Mila and Bucky were in the middle of the woods in Azzano. It was the same place where Bucky had stood up to Colonel Phillips over 70 years ago. The same place Mila had fallen in love with Bucky. The same place they had their first kiss. Mila had found a rundown cottage about a mile out from the center of their old Army base and the pair found themselves seated on a bed frame that hadn't seen use in over a decade by the look of it. The mattress has springs sticking out and it looked like animals had chewed on it over the years. They would definitely sleep in the car but it was a nice place for them to talk privately where they wouldn't be trapped in by seatbelts.

" So Mila I know you have been trying to tell me stories about us but can I try?" Bucky said fumbling with his hands. Mila had a huge smile on her face and shook her head.

"Yeah which one?"

"When I gave you the journal." He said nodding towards her backpack at her feet.

"Go on." She was too happy to try to contain her expression which made Bucky nervous. What if he got the memory mixed up? What if he couldn't remember enough? He swallowed his fear and began to share the small memory that he had pieced together on the car ride here.

"I got it for you because you were scribbling away on some scratch sheet late our first night so I thought it would be a good idea. I noticed you kept writing a lot at night when I would check on the troops so I knew I made a good choice."

 _Bucky and Betty walked out of the mess tent after he had cleaned it and the pair had kept themselves busy with small talk. Bucky would talk about his family and Betty would talk about her own. Bucky shared how his sister Rebecca and Betty would have gotten along swell because they both made his life difficult and seemed to enjoy it, to which Betty offered that her father would have beaten Bucky's ass if he had talked like he had to Phillips to him. Bucky also mentioned Steve but the second they were out of the tent Bucky grew more serious._

 _"_ _So uh, Phillips said we are going to be on assignment to try and take down this group of special Nazis and-"_

 _"_ _It's a covert mission to destroy the base that recon located this week." Betty stated matter of factly. Bucky seemed surprised._

 _"_ _How did you know that? You weren't at the meeting."_

 _"_ _No, but Agent Carter knows what it is like to be stuck in the dark so she told me." Bucky rolled his eyes._

 _"_ _So much for secret." He said using air quotes around his last word._

 _"_ _Well, I should be informed of these things as well, I have responsibility over these men like you."_

 _"_ _Yeah but you are supposed to be taking care of the medic team and all those Red Cross nurses."_

 _"_ _My team needs to know when they may have business." She said flatly. "Besides didn't you just tell me an hour ago that I should be promoted to general?" She said crossing her arms. Bucky stuttered trying to explain that he meant that but it was still his job to focus on the missions and hers to focus on the medic team._

 _"_ _I- look- Raden I know you are trying to prove yourself. You don't need to jump on every opportunity is all I'm saying. You told me you were a nurse back in the states before the war broke out, so I know you are the best one to train that medic team to patch my ass up later. I am just a kid who has spent his a good chunk of his life chasing after some punk who wants to fight all the time, so I know how to wrangle these men. Looks like I may need to wrangle you too." He said trying to make a joke. Betty rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders continuing to walk to the tents._

 _"_ _I am just tired of people close to me doubting me."_

 _"_ _Well Phillips is an asshole. I mean come on." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders while they walked. "I'm pretty sure you get demoted in the army for not being an asshole at his level." Betty smiled a bit and laughed. "But if it's any consolation, I know damn well you could handle anything life throws at you. But-" He stopped in front of his tent. "just in case it gets too difficult for you to handle," He disappeared into the tent for a brief moment before returning with something behind his back. Betty looked unsure trying to peer around him for an explanation. He smirked leaning back trying to block her view. "maybe you can use this." He finally held the object out and she was shocked to find it to be a leather-bound journal dyed blue. She took it carefully inspecting the cover. It was nothing extraordinary but it had the implication to be. "Since you know you seem to write a lot and you look like you like to lay everything out and think on it." His hands found their way into his pockets unsure of the gift. Was it too cheap? Was it out of line? Hell, she hadn't even read the little note on the inside cover. Maybe he shouldn't have. He just wanted her to say something. Maybe he kind of expected her to throw it in his face and stomp off to her tent. He watched her looking it over and he felt so nervous._

 _"_ _Thanks." She whispered flipping the crisp pages inside._

 _"_ _You're welcome." He said scratching the back of his neck. She looked up at him smiling before a questioning look came upon her face. She looked back at the journal then glance to his face._

 _"_ _How do you know I like to write?" She looked him over carefully waiting for his confession._

 _"_ _Well I have to check on the men in the middle of night and the light in your tent is always on, it casts a shadow and you look like your writing. I swear that's how I know!" He put his hands up defensively._

 _"_ _You watching over me then? What are you a damn sentinel?" She playfully hit his arm and laughed. He laughed with her and shook his head. No he was hardly that. He wasn't a crazed hunter. He wasn't a nightmare._ Every time he was free. Every damn time he would get drug back by the Sentinel. He was not that thing. Mila placed her hand on his right arm and made him look at her by lightly holding his chin. His memory was gone destroyed by the mention of his biggest fear. Anger ripped apart the memory and filled him with hatred at the light hearted memory he just had.

"Hey, Buck. It's ok. You did great." Mila let her thumb run slowly across his jaw where it was clear Bucky needed to shave soon if he didn't want to have a beard.

"I- I can't do anything with them ruining it. I broke free from their base but I'm still a prisoner." Mila moved to wrap her arms around him from the side and she placed her head on his shoulder.

"It takes time. It will seem difficult for a long time. We will get through this together." She could feel his body drop at her words. She knew his struggle too well. She had three allies from her past who were there for her. Bucky could have all that too but she knew how afraid she was to be near those people. She remembered thinking how easy it would be to kill these elderly women she called friend back in the 40's. How easy too it would have been to gain Natasha's trust and kill her if she needed. She never did of course, but that didn't mean that HYDRA and Red Room training wasn't still firmly placed in her mind. Bucky would need to work it out on his own like she had, but she would be there to make it easier.

...

"Steve she wouldn't tell me anything. I'll try Peggy but I doubt I'll get much from her. How's the drive to the tower?" Sam asked waiting out in the hall outside of Peggy's room.

 _"_ _Long. Look, I'll try asking her when I get back. Peggy should be more helpful. I just don't know what to do about Betty."_

 _"_ Maybe I'll just call her and she'll pick up." Sam joked leaning against the wall.

" _I doubt it. I just don't understand why they would keep it a secret from me."_

"Like I said it was like Rebecca was protecting this country's secrets by not telling me about Mil-er Betty. I don't think your friend wanted to be found by anyone."

" _Then why talk to Rebecca and Peggy?"_

 _"_ Hey people get lonely. Why do you talk to me?" He joked.

" _Because it makes you look cool."_ Steve tried his own joke which was met with some laughter on the other end. _" Hopefully Tony can help us out. He's got some good tech maybe there is something we can track them with."_

 _"_ Alright Steve. I'm going to go. Only got about an hour left for visiting."

" _Thanks Sam."_

 _"_ You can thank me by getting my wings fixed while you're visiting Stark. I'll keep you posted." He ended the call and looked at his contact screen. Well, it was dumb, but worth a shot. He dialed Mila's number and hoped to at least get a hello out of her. It kept ringing and right before it should have went to voice mail there was a shuffle on the other end Sam heard fuzzy background noise. "Mila you there?" He waited.

 _"_ _No. She's not."_ A gruff voice spoke from the other end.

"Where is she?" Sam asked but he heard a click and gunfire. The line went dead.

...

Miles away a man dressed in all black put the gun back in his holster looking at the shattered phone he was pissed. HYDRA told him the target was on this path. Clearly they were wrong. He looked back behind him to the semi-truck that was on fire and walked away. He needed to retrace steps and find the target, sure he had two but he wasn't too concerned for the other one. IT would be a bonus to get them back. He stepped into his black SUV and pulled out his own phone.

"Target was not there. Someone else is looking. I'm moving our window down to 72 hours for capture."

" _You sure?"_

 _"_ I'm the expert here remember?" His voice was an order not a question.

" _Well don't let them get away."_

 _"_ Have I _ever_ let em get away?"

* * *

 **AN: Oh boy. oh god... oh no. Write a review to express your fear? Or the shocker that Mila and Bucky were engaged all those years ago. Thanks for reading**


	10. Broke You Down to Tears

**AN: Hello! So, I have this idea. I was thinking I could make a small spin off story that has very small ties to this story but it would be a Rumlow/OC pairing and the OC would be a HYDRA agent who sticks with her gut about HYDRA, meaning she does not become a good girl at the end. IDK is it too dumb? I also plan to go back and fix some of my unfinished works. Would we rather I do Meeting of Minds or Worse Than Nicotine? Let me know in a PM or in a review.**

* * *

Mila got the protein bars and drinks out of the car. She bought enough snacks to feed a small army when she made a pit stop to fuel up at a gas station. Bucky was eating and writing in his journal there was no doubt that he had only one mission tonight and that was recording his thoughts. Mila didn't mind this gave her time to work on some of her research that she wouldn't need to do since you know she was pretty much guaranteed to be fired from the Smithsonian. It was still relaxing to read through some digital books and make notes in her own work regardless of that fact. As she read through the WWII articles she began to drift to the idea of Wilbur. She looked through her files finding the PDF she was looking for. She hazarded a glance Bucky's way finding him to be deeply involved in his own journal. Her eyes were trained to the screen once she settled that he wouldn't come over and read the PDF.

 _My dearest sweetheart Bet,_

 _My mind is always thinking of you and dreaming of the life we will have after this war is over. I worry about the horrors you might face in Europe and hope that you never have to see the effects of the war like I have. The fighting over here under MacArthur is terrible. He doesn't seem to have the slightest clue on what he is doing most days. I try not to dwell on the terror of that thought. But every night I stare at your picture and know that we will one day get to have a family of our own and that is enough to ease my fears. In fact, it gives me courage to fight. I know you wouldn't think of looking at other men while you are so far away from me my love, but it still worries me because you are so beautiful and I know how weak these men can be. You're my sweetheart and I know how thick headed you are, so please be careful over there. Don't try showing off to prove yourself and don't get messed up with those men's mind games. I love you sugar. You're all mine._

 _Missin you,_

 _Wilbur_

Mila shook her head reading the letter from her ex. God he was an asshole. Even when he was trying to be sweet he was being possessive. He was discouraging. She didn't even know why she dated him. It was just some other pathetic attempt to make her father proud. Her sister Eva was married with a kid, why wasn't she? Her lips curled into a smile when she thought about her nephew and how well he had taking a liking to Bucky when they visited the family. Hell that was probably Bucky's last Christmas thinking about it. She went to look over at him but jumped when he was standing behind her.

"What's that?" He asked pointing at her laptop.

"My laptop?"

"No, I know what a laptop is, I'm not that dumb. What's on the screen. Is that another letter I wrote to Rebecca?" He kneeled down to her level to get a better look.

"No!" She said minimizing the file.

"What the hell are you hiding?" Being used to people hiding things from him was no new concept but that didn't mean it wasn't hurtful, especially coming from a woman who he was once in love with.

"It's nothing." She said pulling up her own research.

"It was clearly something." He stood up and crossed his arms.

"It was a letter from Wilbur to me." She looked up at him worrying for his reaction. She remembered how it went down years ago when he found out about him. She hoped he reacted better this time.

"Who is Wilbur?" He asked.

"He was my sweetheart." She spoke the words mildly ashamed that she admitted that.

"During the war?" He uncrossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

"Yeah, the first part of it anyway. You came along and made me rethink that choice." She absently played with her hair that had fallen out of her ponytail throughout the day.

"Why?" She looked up at him smiling.

"Because he was an asshole and you… you were so damn sweet on me. You made me realize that some people want you to be happy regardless of what you do. You never thought I was just some stupid girl who should mind her place in the man's world. You helped me see my own value that I long since forgotten about." By the time she had finished talking Bucky was sitting next to her and seemed to process the words not believing her could make someone feel good about themselves. For years he was just a weapon to destroy, how could HYDRA so easily turn him into the opposite of everything he once was? His didn't know where his next question came from but it seemed logical to ask.

"Did I make you happy?" He watched as Mila looked surprised at his question before a slow smile formed. He loved it when she smiled.

"More than anything." As she said that she slid her hand into his and laced her fingers with his.

"Do you think I could do that again?" He was hopeful that he could at least be half the man she used to love. He seemed like a decent guy after all. He glanced down at their hands and tried to focus on how nice it felt to have flesh to flesh contact with her.

"I know you can." She gave his hand a light squeeze which caused him to smile. Then she perked up a bit shuffling closer to him.

"I have an idea. We've had enough of dwelling on the past today how about we try and enjoy some of the perks from the present?" As she spoke she opened up new windows on her laptop. Bucky tried to follow along with what she was doing but couldn't understand. Sure he knew the basics of computers as he needed to for some of his missions but as far as their recreational purposes, he was clueless. Finally she seemed to slow down with her clicking and had an array of pictures she was scrolling her mouse over. "Alright pick one."

"What is it?" He asked unsure of what all his choice entailed.

"Movies. You know like _The Wizard of Oz?_ They have so many movies out now you wouldn't believe it. I've got some saved to my laptop. Pick one." Bucky looked over the titles under the pictures and honestly didn't know which one to pick. What if he picked a bad movie? Well, she said they were her favorites so he couldn't go wrong. He stayed focused on one movie, mainly because he remembered going to the movies with his dad to watch _Captain Blood_ so a pirate movie appealed to him. He pointed at the newer movie and which caused Mila to laugh.

"Pirates of the Caribbean? Classic." She said clicking on it to begin. Mila laid her head on his shoulder and they watched the movie in silence. Bucky seemed impressed overall while they watched. Mila just tried to enjoy this small peace that he had. When the pirates turned into skeletons Bucky couldn't prevent the awestruck 'What the hell' that escaped. Mila had to explain how special effects worked in the movies now because Bucky was convinced the skeletons could have been another HYDRA science experiment. Bucky was thrilled with the ending and began assessing the entire film asking random questions that Mila tried her best to answer. When the movie was over Mila suggested they watch the bonus features just so he could understand how the process worked. He agreed. Mila remembered him being a little geek during the war. Watching Howard Stark tinker on his experiments and listening to her when she rambled on about new medical discoveries. "You are such a nerd." She said with a laugh while he clicked to watch more of the bonus features.

"A what?" Mila rolled her eyes. Right that word wasn't around when they were.

"A geek." She offered.

"What did you call me?!" He looked flat offended. Mila shook her head and covered her face with her hands.

"It has a completely different meaning nowadays. I am not saying you bite the head off of chickens." She looked from between her fingers and saw him nodding slowly. "I swear." She put her hands up in defense and he smirked.

"I believe ya." He found himself staring at her and remembering little things she would do that would drive him wild. The way she bit her lip, when she smiled and showed her teeth, the way her little eyebrows furrowed when she was deep in her work. He let out a small sigh and Mila bit her lip beginning the process of driving him insane. He wanted to snap out of it he shouldn't be getting involved with her when he wasn't the man she loved. He found his escape glancing at the laptop. "Can we watch another?" Mila snapped her head back to the laptop and checked the battery. She shook her head looking sad.

"Battery is nearly dead. Guess we have to find something else to occupy our time." She closed the laptop and leaned forward on her knees putting the laptop back in her backpack. That meant unintentionally Bucky got a nice view of her rear end and the smooth skin of her thighs that her shorts left exposed. Bucky didn't know what made him do it but he reached out and grabbed her hips after the laptop was in and pulled her back to sit on his lap.

"Like what?" He whispered wrapping his arms around her waist. He could feel her pulse quicken and her breathing became slightly heavier.

"What did you have in mind?" She asked turning her head back to look into his eyes. A playful smirk was the only answer he gave. Using his right hand he pulled her hair and draped it over her right shoulder to expose all of her neck to him. He lightly kissed the skin there waiting for her reaction. He felt unsure of himself without her guidance. He was met by the smallest whimper when she discovered he wasn't going to keep kissing her on the tender spot of her neck. So he continued. His kisses became fevered as he trailed up to behind her ear and when he took the time to stop he saw another ugly scar at the base of her hairline which made him stop. Mila slowly opened her eyes and turned around. "What is it?" She asked. Bucky lightly traced the scar with his finger which caused Mila to shiver and close her eyes.

"How did you get this?" He asked barely above a whisper. Mila grabbed his metal arm that was still snug against her waist and wanted to burry herself in the safety of his embrace before she gave any details.

"The Red Room."

"What did they do?"

"They made me a machine. Took away my humanity. I became an empty shell." She felt Bucky's right hand slip from her neck to wrap around her again. She gratefully held his arms tight against her. "They wanted compliance. They saw how brainwashing had been unsuccessful with you because of emotions, so they took mine away. I don't ever want to experience that again." She was crying tears falling and hitting his metal arm. She wondered if he could feel that.

"I won't let it happen." He spoke lightly into her ear.

"Thank you." She leaned back into him and just let his warmth keep her grounded in the fact that she was no longer that machine from the Red Room.

….

"Is there any way you can track her?" Steve said following Tony around in his lab. He was moving around with such focus Steve was certain that he was only listening to every other word. Tony scribbled something in a notebook.

"Who?"

"Betty!" Steve said exasperated. Tony sat down in a nearby chair and typed some figures into the computer.

"Maybe…" He trailed off looking at the screen before pushing himself in a different direction away from Steve. Steve was getting really pissed with this game.

"Look I need to find her before the C.I.A. does." Tony spun around momentarily taking his focus off of the piece of technology from Sam's Falcon wings in front of him.

"I'm sorry do I have time to fight the C.I.A.?" He spun back around and tinkered with something. When he was about to push off in the chair again Steve held the back of the chair preventing him from moving.

"Can you help me or not Tony?" Steve waited for Tony to meet his eyes. When he did he could see how upset the Captain was.

"Look unless she has her phone on her, I can't do much. I need something to track. I don't have a picture either so I can't do facial scans. I'm sorry Cap." Steve sighed and slumped against a lab table.

" Well how long will it take to fix the wings?"

"About four hours, but if I upgrade them it'll be about twelve." Steve shrugged.

"I guess upgrade them"

"Look, I may not be able to track her but maybe JARVIS can run though news stories and see if I can at least get you some leads. JARVIS?"

"Already on it sir." The AI spoke making Steve smile. "Do you want to wait in your room while I search Mr. Rogers?" Steve left without a word. He didn't really understand technology and it made him dizzy trying to follow Tony around in his lab. Besides it was getting late and Steve was worn out from his drive. Once Tony was certain his friend was gone he asked JARVIS to call Natasha. After a few rings her voice filled the lab replacing the usual volume of JARVIS.

"What Stark?"

"Well, you were right. He came looking for her." Tony said still working on the Falcon wings.

"I told you he would. Did you tell him anything?" Tony pulled a handheld torch out from one of his drawers.

"Nope. Tried to seem helpful without getting too involved. Why didn't you tell me she worked for HYDRA?" He turned the torch on pulling some goggles over his eyes.

"Wasn't important to her surgery."

"Well it would have been nice to know more about who I was working on." He started welding pieces together and momentarily couldn't hear Natasha on the other end. When he was done he asked her to repeat herself.

"Can you track her I said."

"Well of course. That thing is still in her head. It'll probably take days but I would still need a general location to begin looking."

"I can get you that."

"So what's the plan you swoop in and nab her? Then what? I thought we had this secret pact for a reason. Mainly, the lady doesn't want to be found."

"Well if I can keep tabs on her I can help her. I used to have more constant contact with her but know I don't think she will be returning my phone calls." Tony nodded still analyzing the pieces of the wings.

"Well, you're probably right. I'll see what I can do." He said waving his hand motioning for JARVIS to end the call. Tony put his tools down and leaned back in his seat. He was settling on the idea that this would be a long night.

…

Mila was tucked safely in Bucky's embrace and for a moment she could have sworn it was just like old times.

"You should get some sleep." Bucky's voice rumbled in his chest where Mila had laid her head.

"I'm not sleeping on that bed. It's disgusting." She said.

"Well what's your bright idea?"

"I was thinking I could sleep in the car."

"Yeah that'd be comfortable." HEe said with a chuckle. She pushed herself up to look him in the eyes to send him her best threatening glare. He didn't seem too fazed.

"Well I could always use you as a mattress." She offered.

"I'd be fine with that." He shrugged. Mila shook her head and put her hands on his shoulders.

"I don't think you'll like it."

"You don't know unless you try right?" The corner of his mouth tugged into a smile and Mila laughed.

"You are a huge dork." She stood up and Bucky's face dropped. He rather liked her being so close. She walked over to one of the windows in the cabin and peered out. Not that it mattered she couldn't see anything but her reflection. There was only a small oil lamp lighting up the entire room now that her laptop had been put away. She turned and looked the cabin over. There was a small kitchen and a fireplace in the open floor plan. "Think you can start a fire?" She said nodding over to the stone fireplace. Bucky tilted his head and got up.

"I can give it a try." He walked over to the abandoned pit and looked into it. Kneeling down he didn't he could see the ashes were nearly white from years of no fire and he wondered if the chimney was blocked, because if it was they would die in the middle of the night. He only knew that because it was one of the many ways he had killed a man years ago. Then as if he had been shoot he sprung up and looked at Mila.

"We can't start a fire. The smoke would give us away." She hit her forehead with her hand. Of course. That would have been a fatal mistake. She put her hands up shrugging.

"Yeah that was dumb of me. Sorry I've been out of the game too long." She rolled her eyes at herself not believing how stupid her simple suggestion was.

"That's not something to be sorry about." Bucky said leaning against the chimney letting his elbow rest on the mantle.

"I know it's just… I wish I could just pick the useful things from that life to take with me, but you can't pick and choose parts of a HYDRA life. You get the whole package." She put her head down and looked at her feet.

"Look, I know you said enough brooding in the past but maybe you can share another memory of us?" Mila smiled at her shoes and tried to remember where they were in their story. She didn't want to waste his request by giving too simple a memory but she settled that she should at least tell him about their first argument. It seemed fitting.

" So you know how you asked about Wilbur right?" She looked up at him seeing him nod. "Right. Well he was an asshole but he was by boyfriend the majority of the time we were in Azzano but when you found out about him you were livid."

 _Betty was as usual staying up later than she should have. She was writing in her new journal about the day's events hoping and rereading them to try and figure out what exactly her heart wanted. Ever since she had met Bucky she wanted him to be by her side even though she had Wilbur. Sure Wilbur was handsome but his attitude with her had worn on her nerves over the last few months. She suspected too that if they stayed together he would marry her the second the war was over. She didn't want to be stuck with Wilbur when a guy like Bucky so clearly wanted to have a chance with her. So she read her journal entry and settled that she would need to break up with Wilbur even if he was across the globe fighting in the jungles of the Philippines. Betty looked over Wilbur's letter as she wrote her own. She needed to be very clear about why they were breaking up. She kept it as simple as possible but a front and back page was maybe not as simple as she planned. As she wrote she did not to mention Bucky. Wilbur didn't need to know that the pair had grown closer in the two weeks following Colonel Phillips' initial visit. The pair ate side by side discussed how well fortified this base was and even found time to talk about things unrelated to the army. Things like where they wanted to visit when they got back to the states, what their favorite holidays were, who had the worst siblings, what they would do with their lives when the war was over, but also their biggest fears. Betty's was failure. She didn't want to be a disappointment to herself or to her family. Bucky's was losing those he cared about most. He wanted to make sure that everyone was safe even if it meant putting himself in harm's way. Betty finished her letter and walked across her tent to grab and envelope when she heard someone clear their throat. Betty jumped a bit and saw Bucky standing by the entrance of her tent. She sighed seeing it was only him and shook her head._

" _You know men aren't allowed in a ladies' tent." She spoke knowing her warning would get her nowhere. This was the third night in a row Bucky had come in just to talk with her and enjoy her company. She put the letter in an envelope and set it in her small desk drawer. She would send it with the postmaster in the morning. Turning around she saw Bucky reading a piece of paper. "What are you…" He voice trailed as she answered her own question. He was reading the letter from Wilbur she left on her cot. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "That's not what you think." She spoke quietly. Bucky glared up at her holding the letter tightly._

" _Oh really? Because this guy seems to really want to celebrate our allied victory by marrying you."_

" _Buck-"_

" _Clearly he doesn't know you that well. 'I know you wouldn't think of looking at other men while you are so far away from me my love.'. Oh but you aren't just looking are you?" Bucky said reading from the letter. Betty let out an angered breath and moved to grab the letter from him. He just held it above her head. "Am I just some damn joke to you?" He said clearly hurt. His eyes had tears in them and Betty tried grabbing the letter but she was just shy of reaching the letter that caused him the pain. She glared at him holding hand on his chest that she hand used to steady herself._

" _Look. That man is an asshole. The more time I've spent with you the more I've realized that. I don't want to spend my life with him. If you read that letter alone you can see how he is controlling and selfish. You are the opposite of that." Bucky scoffed and turned his head not wanting to look at Betty. "I'm serious Barnes!"_

" _Then why didn't you tell me earlier huh? Why've you been keeping it a secret? Am I just your man over here until the war is over?" He put his arm down and let the paper fall to the ground. Betty shook her head and crossed her arms._

" _No."_

" _Then what the hell am I? I thought we had something special going here! We were getting close. Talking about personal things. Hell both of us would get kicked out of the army for this shit!"_

" _I know that!"_

" _So why bother? Am I worth that risk when you got this guy?" He gestured to the letter and Betty bit her lip looking away._

" _If you can't see that I think you are worth the risk than you are a damn idiot." She clenched her jaw and glanced at him. His face was growing red._

 _"But I'm second best right? You still got your hometown hero Wilbur." She let out a frustrated groan and walked away to grab the letter that she just wrote from the drawer and handed it to Bucky._

" _Read this damn thing." He took it from her and ripped the seal open and read the letter. Betty sat at her desk turning the chair to face Bucky as he read. She never released the tension from her jaw as she watched him dissect the letter. As he read the front and back he seemed to calm down from his anger. He glanced up at her and then back to the letter letting his shoulder slump._

" _You didn't mention me?" He asked when he handed the letter back. She stood to take back her letter letting her hand brush against Bucky's intentionally._

" _No. He doesn't need to think I was cheating on him the whole time. That's the stupid shit he jumps to." She folded the letter back up and placed it on her desk._

" _Why weren't you honest with me?" Bucky said lightly grabbing her arms. She shrugged and looked into his slightly puffy eyes._

" _Guess I was just being stupid." Bucky smirked._

" _I thought I was the one with all the stupid. Looks like I've been a bad influence on you." He proposed tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear._

" _Yeah, maybe you should stop hanging around me." Her words and actions contradicted each other as she moved her hands up his chest making the space between them smaller._

" _Do you want that?" He asked clearly meaning something different as his eyes darted to look at her lips that were plump and begging for a kiss. He tilted his head at an angle to allow him to swiftly move in for said kiss._

" _Maybe you could convince me otherwise?" He fingers gripped the fabric of his white army issued shirt as she raised a brow daring him to kiss her._

" _I think I can manage that." He offered letting his one arm fall from it's hold on her arm to the small of her back while his other slid up her shoulder and lightly wrapped around the tender skin of her neck. He closed his eyes but before he could relieve the tension that had been growing between the two the morning alarm went off across the camp making the pair jump. Betty closed her eyes cursing under her breath as her head fell. Bucky laughed a bit and scratched his neck. "Don't suppose we'll be getting that moment back huh?" He asked. Betty looked up at him with a half smile and shook her head no. Bucky shrugged putting his arms out to accept his defeat but quickly pulled her head back to him to kiss the top of her head before he disappeared mumbling about rallying the troops. Betty just stared at the entrance to her tent with a blush growing hotter as she thought about the moment that almost was. She ran her finger through her hair and decided that she better get ready for the day because like it or not they to meet with Colonel Phillips at 0500 hours and the morning alarm rang at 0400._

 _Every officer in the Battalion was inside the tent Betty and Bucky stood side by side opposite of the table where Phillips was. Spread across the table was map with a flag placed where the base they were at was and the HYDRA base they needed to break into was._

" _Alright men. The last Recon squad returned last night and this is the plan we have come up with: Lieutenant McKay you will take the Blue and Delta squadrons up through this pass here. There is a small group of HYDRA men that stand guard but taking them out will be no problem. They have maybe thirty men at this pass. Lieutenant Falsworth you will take the Alpha and Red squadrons up the middle making sure to flank out about twenty men on the right. Recon said there is a hill in the woods that these men make tactical use of. And Sergeant Barnes." Bucky snapped his head up. "I've seen you shooting on the range. I want you to lead the rest of the 107th on through this pass following the river and at the bend you will flank out to the hill where your men have a vantage point to attack. Any questions?" Betty look at the map and dared to speak up regardless if her only job was to stand there._

" _Colonel Phillips if you take the White, Star, and Glory squadrons past that bend they are at risk for an ambush. If you look at the-"_

" _Now look here missy. I've had my recon boys gathering information and tracking patterns for the past two weeks. This is the plan we will follow. It's the best plan. All three companies will converge here at this point to charge the front of the building where the number will be on our side."_

" _But sir-"_

" _Raden! Just cuz your daddy was the best damn soldier doesn't mean you compare. Now you keep your comments to yourself. Unless someone else here want to listen to your babble." He crossed his arms and looked at all of his officers whose eyes were all focused on the map. Betty sighed and glanced at Bucky. Even he was focused at the path he would need to lead the troops on and not Betty. She rolled her eyes and looked at Phillips._

" _Yes sir." She stated not at all happy with Barnes not taking her side. The meeting didn't take long to dismiss after that to which Betty stormed off and Bucky tried to catch up to her._

" _Betty." He called. She stopped and spun around to face him._

" _You know that he has set the men up to fail. If you look at the map, the path you are on is giving HYDRA vantage over you! It's not the other way around." Bucky sighed and shaking his head looking around._

" _Look I'm a soldier, I follow orders. That's what Phillips wants me to do, that's what the rest of the men are depending on me doing so that's what I will do." Betty let out a frustrated yell and walked away before she hit a fellow officer. Surely that would get her kicked out of the army._

* * *

 **AN: Well thanks for reading. Please leave a review with your opinions on my earlier mentioned idea and on this story.**


	11. Broken Down on Memory Lane

**AN: Thank you for reading, sorry this is a day late. My apologizes. I'm sick which means my son is sick. Fun times. So again i wonder if anyone would read a Rumlow/OC story that I have an idea for? If so please tell me. Also please review. I love them. I love seeing that my work is making people happy. I really love them so please leave me some. Even if it's a simple one. I love the encouragement. You don't understand how happy i get when I see reviews.**

abstract0118: I know sexism was big back then, so it needed to be included. And I am so happy you are falling in love with this story. Will you still love it when the bad guys catch up? *evil laughter*

* * *

 _I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all_  
 _And I can't stop feeling sorry for myself_

 _..._

 _We're broken down on memory lane_  
 _Alone together, we're alone_

 _Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?- Fall Out Boy_

* * *

 _Betty was buried in her medical work taking inventory and checking in on the recon soldiers who had a few stumbles in the field. They hadn't given away anything but they did get roughed up by some HYDRA soldiers. She was working on removing the stiches from Jim when he spoke up._

 _"So you and Barnes a thing?" He asked holding his arm out for her. Betty glared at the man._

 _"No. We are both professionals." She said sticking the needle through his skin._

 _"He talks about you all the damn time." She only hesitated slightly at his comment while she worked._

 _"Well after today he's proven to me that he can be just like any other man." She was referencing his behavior in the officer meeting, he had thrown her under the bus just like any other guy would have done._

 _"Yeah we heard about you arguing with Phillips. Made some of the other guys nervous about their mission." Betty stopped and looked at Jim. If the soldiers were questioning the mission they wouldn't be focused. They would surely fail. Betty needed to do something to get their minds off of her earlier argument with the Commanding officer and get their spirits boosted._

 _"They shouldn't be. I've been thinking about what I said. If Phillips listened to my suggestion then I'd have no one to patch up when the mission was over." She lied. That was step one. She couldn't believe she was so stupid as to put a whole mission at risk because she opened her damn trap. Once she was done with Jim she ushered him out of the tent and washed her hands walking over to one of her Red Cross nurses._

 _"Hey Marsha, how good are you at singing?" Marsha looked taken aback at her question and then beamed._

 _"Well, I mean, I'm no Billie Holiday but I can carry a tune. Why?" She bumped her hip into Betty. She knew her boss never took the chance to have a little fun. Sure she would gossip with the nurses every now and then but she mainly focused on her tasks. A sign of dedication to the position that she shouldn't be in. "We going to serenade that Sergent?" She wiggled her eyebrows trying to suggest mischief but Betty rolled her eyes._

 _"No I was thinking we can have a morale booster for the boys. Sing em a little song. Dance a little. They got a big mission tomorrow and we want them to have high spirits right?" Betty put an arm around her colleague._

 _"Can I sing for that McKay fellow? He looks dashing in his uniform." Betty pushed her away but kept her hand on her shoulder._

 _"You realize that guy is my brother-in-law right?" She gave a look that suggested Marsha was out of her mind for finding him attractive. Marsha covered her mouth._

 _"I'm sorry. I didn't know he was married!" Betty just laughed it off and began sharing her idea for a mock concert for the boys tonight. Marsha chimed in ideas for a makeshift stage and some of the girls who could sing. There were only a handful Marsha could think of but the rest of them could at least help by gathering things they would need from around the camp._

 _The plan didn't go unnoticed as some of the men watched the nurses taking benches out from the mess hall to the edge of camp. Betty had managed to convince her brother-in-law that the concert would be a great idea and would boost the men's spirits. He of course passed it off as his own idea to Phillips as it was the only way there would be a chance of this being allowed. After lunch Betty found herself laying in her bed trying to rest since she had spent the previous night up working through personal things. She trusted her medic team to work out the last of the details as she caught up on her sleep. She had maybe got two hours in before someone was shaking her. She groaned and pulled the blankets over her head._

 _"1_ _st_ _Officer Raden is currently off duty." She said through a yawn forgetting she was not in the Woman's Corp anymore._

 _"Well what about my Corporal?"_

 _"Depends." She recognized the voice as Bucky's._

 _" I want to go grab a bite for lunch between teaching my men and maybe talk about this plan of yours that has the whole camp buzzing." He pulled the cover off of her and she continued to lay there._

 _"I wasn't done with that." He smiled as he took in her appearance. She had the same white t-shirt on that he did and same green pants and combat boots but on her it looked... well it looked almost arousing. The shirt was bunched up to show the smallest bit of her stomach and her curves held the fabric tighter around the chest than it did with most men. Her hair was also a wild mess that Bucky thought about making messier. He watched her force herself out of the comfort of her bed and she grabbed her jacket that was laying across the foot of the bed and shoved past Barnes. She really wanted to just sleep through lunch but she wasn't about to waste the entire day pissing off Phillips._

 _Lunch had every solider interrupting any private conversation Bucky and Betty wanted to have asking about the show Betty had organized. Bucky kept with light talk about some of the men and how Glory Squadron was ready to fight but only because of Betty's morning drills with them before digging into a deeper conversation._

 _"So about this morning.." He started. Betty put her fork down and had almost forgotten how this man had betrayed her infront of all the officers. "I should have at least spoke up so you could explain yourself. You deserve to have your opinions heard. If I would have pointed that out Phillips would have listened." He spoke holding a bite of food up but never actually shoveling it in. Betty shrugged and sighed._

 _"That's just the way Phillips has always been with me. I shouldn't expect it to go away because I'm in the army. I mean he's good guy don't get me wrong. It's just he hates being wrong."_

 _"I can see that. But if you are right, he's going to look like a damn ass."_

 _"Well I hope for your sake at least, that I was wrong when I spoke up." The pair finished lunch and Bucky stopped her just before she was headed to leave and pulled her away._

 _"So uh, after this show you nurses are putting on, can we talk?" Betty nodded her head worried that Bucky was unsure of himself. She couldn't have a commanding officer doubting the mission._

 _"Are you nervous?" She asked quietly._

 _"Terrified. But I don't want the men to know that." He looked into her brown eyes still so full of light despite their dark color. He was studying her face for what could be the last time and she could sense him already forming goodbyes in his head for later._

 _"Look here Barnes, you will come back from this in one piece. If not, I'm going to have to hunt you down and drag you back. Got it?" She pointed her finger in his face giving a stern expression to get her point across. He grabbed her finger and looked sincere._

 _"I'll do my best." He promised before walking out of the tent to continue preparing the soilders for their mission the next morning. Betty went on to finish up the details with her medic team and find out what was on the playlist. Marsha informed her that the pair would join the youngest nurse for a cover of The Boogey Woogey Bugle Boy. When Betty found out she rolled her eyes and mocked her friend for her choice._

 _Betty stood on the stage and saw Bucky sitting front row. There was no way Bucky missed her blush. She had never sung in front of a crowd this big before and hoped she never would again. Bucky looking at her like a star wasn't helping her nerves but when the bugle sounded she forgot about the man in the audience and focused on the lyrics she would have to sing. Marsha of course suggested she solo and she did with confidence._

 _He was our boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B  
And when he plays boogie woogie bugle he was buzy as a "bzzz" bee  
And when he plays he makes the company jump eight-to-the-bar  
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B_

 _She glanced down and saw Bucky grinning like an idiot at her which made her smile while she sung._

 _Toot-toot-toot, toot-diddelyada, toot-diddelyada  
Toot, toot, he blows it eight-to-the-bar  
He can't blow a note if the bass and guitar isn't with him  
A-a-a-and the company jumps when he plays reveille  
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B_

 _Bucky among others were clapping at her performance and Betty actually felt herself having fun for the first time in over a year. The same time her and Wilbur had been dating. She finished the song with her friends and bowed while the men went nuts. They were the last song so Betty had to make a closing speech. Speeches were easier than singing that's for sure. It wasn't anything to special just some patriotism and bravery lines that always seemed to work. She hoped that was all they needed to hear before she sent them back to their tents where she doubted they would get much sleep. She walked over to Bucky who was smiling like a damn fool and put her hands on her hips._

 _"Yes?" she said coyly._

 _"You ever going to stop amazing me?" He wondered. In truth he hoped she would stick around him to amaze him the rest of their lives, but he wasn't about to tell her that in front of all his men._

 _"Maybe one day. There's only so many tricks up my sleeves." She said tugging on her white short sleeve. Bucky grinned and put his arm around her shoulder walking over to a group of men._

 _"These men want to sit around and talk for a while, maybe play some cards. You want to join?" The soldiers she recognized as men she ran drills on. Jim, Gabe, Albert, and even her strict tight wad brother-in-law Raymond had joined the gang._

 _"Nah, I got to get to bed."_

 _"What you planning on working hard with the medic team tomorrow?" Raymond asked crossing his arms. He was actually trying to make a joke. He only ever had a sense of humor around the family. Here in the Army it was business for him. Maybe the chance of death tomorrow had his spirits lighter. It made her feel a little worried that her nephew may not have a dad if this mission didn't turn out right. She didn't want her own fear to bring down the mood though._

 _"Well maybe." She said with a shrug. Bucky squeezed her shoulder and looked at her mocking offense._

 _"Excuse me? You ain't got any faith in us?" He said smirking. Betty maneuvered her way out of his hold and put her arms out._

 _"Well if you're as good at catching the enemy as you are the girl Barnes, I expect to see you in my medic tent before the day is out." She crossed her arms and tilted her head while the men commented on her insult._

 _"Damn Barnes, that was a hard blow." Gabe said._

 _"I didn't realize you were a thing." Raymond began. "What about-"_

 _"goodnight" She said walking away to her tent. She hoped her brother wouldn't mention Wilbur because after her letter was sent out this afternoon he was a thing of the past. She almost worried if her lack of remorse meant she was heartless, but really she felt free. She would hopefully have a chance now with this great guy in her company. That hope made her feel good. Her plan seemed to work, the men were in higher spirits and ready to fight some Nazi's but she still felt uneasy about the whole plan of attack. She glanced back at Bucky who seemed to be getting a hard time from his men and hesitated. Maybe she would join them. What could it hurt? When she saw Raymond slap Bucky on the back and laugh with him she decided maybe this would be a boys night. She continued on to her tent._

 _After about two hours the tent flap to Betty's tent flew open as she was reading a medical journal her sister had sent her earlier in the week. Startled she stood immediately ready to fight but it was just Bucky. He walked over to the desk without a word and turned off the light. Before Betty could question him he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. Betty knew why, he was afraid for what would come with the morning light. She let her arms hold him close around his shoulders and they just stood like that. The longer they did the more Betty realized she would be a damn mess without this guy. Even though they never admitted it, they had feelings growing and neither one of them knew how to voice that. But Betty would at least try._

 _"Bucky," She started by using the name he asked her to call him weeks ago. "I just want to let you know, that you gotta come back in one piece, or at least enough pieces that I can fix ya." Bucky let a small laugh rumble through him as she spoke. He pulled back and looked at her in the dark tent. "If I lose you, I think I'll probably go crazy. I mean I've heard about what those Nazi's do and-" He placed a finger over her lips to quite her._

 _"Betty, I'll do my damnedest to come back to ya. I'm going to be honest with you. I have taken lots of dames out on the town, wooed them with my charm and confidence, but you are entirely different from any of them. I feel so flustered around you, in a good way. I see you smile and I melt. I don't want to think about what's going to happen in the morning because it comes with the possibility that I might not get to make you smile again. I mean I want to say exactly how I feel but I don't want you to hear those words and then you never see me again." There were tears in Betty's eyes as he spoke and she clung to the back of his shirt_

 _"Well you can tell me all about it when you come back to me." Bucky ran his fingers through her hair and took it out of the bun she almost always had it in. Her hair smelled like lavender and vanilla, clearly not the army issued soap, but that's what he loved. She smelled like a woman not like gunpowder and metal The smell of war. "And if you come back, maybe I'll let you kiss me." She spoke softly enjoying the feeling of his finger combing through her hair._

 _"Why wait?" He asked leaning his head down. Betty moved her hands to cup his face._

 _"What else could motivate you more to come back?" She whispered against his lips. He shrugged closing his eyes._

 _"Hearing you return my feelings." Betty stopped him form leaning in any closer._

 _"I don't want to know how your lips feel against mine only to be haunted by that ecstasy the rest of my life." Bucky let out a sigh and rested his forehead against hers._

 _"You are so stubborn." He smiled when he spoke the words._

 _"It's worked well for me so far. I don't think it'll fail me now."_

Mila looked up at Bucky who found his way to lean against the small table and she had taken the only chair still in one piece at the table.

"So did we kiss?" Bucky asked hoping they did. He could only remember going to on the mission in the morning and getting stuck in an ambush just like his girl had said would happen. He let guilt fill him. He could have saved more men's lives if he had just listened to her back then. Then maybe he could have avoided this life with HYDRA.

"No. But I remember wishing for weeks after, when you were M.I.A, that I had. Raymond was a confirmed death, but you; you had been captured. Phillips said you were good as dead. If it wasn't for Peggy hanging around the camp afterwards I would have been discharged for my uselessness. I got real depressed. I spent a week with my widowed sister who was all alone with a toddler and while I mourned the death of Raymond, I also worried what would become of you. I kept praying every night that you and the others wouldn't be exposed to the horrors I heard about Nazi prisoner camps. But I thanked God you were captured by the Nazi's and not the Russians. It was living in a nightmare every day. My sister was alone and I was alone. I had no idea what happened to you and that was worse than a confirmed death. You-" Bucky pushed himself off the table and held her face in his hands in one swift movement. He could see how much she was getting worked up.

"Hey, it was my fault. I didn't listen to you and I should have. You were right about that mission and if I had listened maybe we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe we would be living on a farm with grandkids. But I was too committed to following orders instead of going with my gut." Mila forced her smile and blinked away the tears shaking her head.

"Will you ever stop blaming yourself for everything?"

"Well if everything stops being my fault, maybe I will."

"But it wasn't your fault. It was Phillips' fault you were ambushed. It was HYDRA's fault you were tortured. It was never your fault. When will you see that?"

"When I stop seeing the faces of everyone I've killed and every life I've destroyed including yours."

"Oh no. You will not put what the Red Room did to me on your shoulders. I pay for the mistakes I made that lead me there every day. I don't need you to suffer for it too." Bucky slumped letting his hands fall from her face. He looked down at the floor as if studying the wood patterns but really he just wanted to remember how his Betty got in the hands of the Red Room and became Mila. Maybe if he wasn't captured then he would have just died and never became a HYDRA assassin, Betty could have moved on and she would have married a nice guy and had some kids. Maybe. He stood silently and walked out of the cabin leaving Mila in the kitchenette to bring her knees to her chest and think the same string of 'what ifs' and 'maybes'.

…..

Gavino and his brother Giuseppe were tied up to chairs in the basement of their winery. This was not how they thought their day would end.

"Vi chiedero di nuovo, dove hai preso la coppia Americana?" ( I will ask you again where did you take the American couple?) The bald headed man questioned, calmly picking at his fingernail with a knife. There was no doubt about the threat that lingered in the air if they didn't answer.

"Non ci siamo mai imbattuti in una coppia di americani. Abbiamo preso un paio in Verona, ma non sembravano Americano." ( we never ran into an American couple. We took a couple into Verona, but they did not seem American.) He sighed in anger and pulled out his cell phone sliding to the message that contained the picture of this targets.

"Hanno fatto apparire come questo?" (did they look like this?) He held his phone out which had two images side by side. Both images were taken years ago in the 50's but it got the point across. He wanted these two to be found as soon as possible.

"Si!" The Hydra agent put the phone back in his pocket and walked around the pair.

"You two are business men, and English is the language of business. You understand me?" He looked at Giuseppe pointing the knife at his chest.

"Y-yes." He stuttered out.

"Understand this. If I do not find this couple, my knife with find your heart and carve it out of your chest. I am going to need you to be more specific than just a city name." Giuseppe swallowed the lump of fear and tried to remember as much English as possible.

"We just dropped them off at our vender tent in the market. They didn't tell us anything. Please sir let us go. We are innocent of any crime. Please, we have money-"

"I don't like it when you people beg." He said slitting the man's throat to ensure he wouldn't beg again. He made a chocking noise as the blood flowed from the cut and some tried to escape his mouth. Gavino began sending mumbled prayers to the Lord above. The Hydra man grabbed Gavino's hair and pulled his head back holding the knife against his neck.

"Do you know anything more than your brother?"

"I saw them venture off to a parking lot. That's all I saw. It was the post office parking lot. We didn't talk to them about their journey. That's all I know." Satisfied to get more information he nodded and left the brother tied up as he walked over to the wine rack in the room. He pulled one out curious about the drink.

"Punzone? Didn't know they had vodka in a winery." He said pulling the drink from its spot and holding it up to show the brother that was still alive.

"We hold extra merchandise to give to local venders." Gavino explained.

"Maybe you should have stuck to what you know." The man shattered the glass bottle against the corner of the doorway. He pulled a lighter out from his jacket at flicked it on letting it drop. The floor caught fire instantly where the liquid soaked the wood floor.

…

Mila woke up with a pain in her neck and her legs cramped. She fell asleep sitting in the chair. It was no surprise that she didn't fall. She spent many missions sneaking in a little rest while in uncomfortable positions. She stood up and stretched looking around the small cabin and could see dawn's light peaking in one of the dusty windows. Outside she could see Bucky pacing around playing with one of the guns from his backpack. It didn't take but a few seconds for Bucky to feel eyes on him and he stopped turning to look at Mila through the window. She gave a small wave and made her way outside to him. He watched her walk and noticed how stiff she was when she moved. He had thought about moving her last night to at least lay in the backseat of the car but his head was swarming with the memories of being tortured by Zola. The tests were never over, the feeling of needles in his arms haunted him most the night as he tried to out run those feelings in the woods. He was still as uneasy this morning which didn't go unnoticed by Mila.

"What kept you up?" She took in his haggard appearance and only assumed he didn't sleep a wink.

"Memories." He mumbled looking away from her. She nodded and noticed how he was clicking the safety on and off on the firearm. She gently placed her hand over his to stop him from fidgeting just a bit. He snapped his head back to her and she was debating bringing up how she had fallen into the Red Room's hands on her on accord no matter whether Bucky had listened to her about this mission or not. He needed to know he couldn't be at fault. She shook her head it was too soon to tell him. He wouldn't take the news well.

"I figured we could stay here two days before we need to move." She offered instead moving her thoughts in a different direction.

"That's still risky." Bucky offered.

"Yeah well forgive me, I got a little soft living without Hydra for 5 years. I like staying in one spot longer than a couple hours." She argued. Internally she cursed herself. That was flat rude, she didn't know why she was angry. Bucky clenched his jaw looking at her.

"Must be nice." He spat.

"Bucky look that was-"

"No, really. Living without fear that someone will come looking for you or that you may be forced to kill a man. It sounds wonderful to walk around without looking over your shoulder and being able to remember who you were before you became a machine!" He was getting red in the face but Mila was growing just as angry with him.

"Excuse me? You think I like being reminded of everything I lived through?!"

"It sounds like your experience with the Red Room and Hydra was a vacation compared to me." Her jaw dropped.

"Oh don't you dare." She said backing away not trusting herself to control her rage.

"Training some spies here and there, maybe a mission? That's nothing." He sneered balling his hands into fists. The metal arm began whirling to life with all the tension Bucky was building up in it.

"You have no idea what they did to me! You want to play the victim game with me Barnes, go ahead. You. Will. Lose." She pushed him back with every word of her threat to win. He grabbed her hands tighter than necessary leaving bruises.

"70 years of brainwashing! 70 years of murder! 70 years being a weapon for the organization I fought against in the War!" He yelled not caring how scary he looked. Any other sane person would have backed out and ran, but Mila was anything but sane when it came to Bucky. She fought against his grip and when her hands were free she pushed him back with all her might forcing him to fall against a tree.

"I pulled the trigger on my own flesh and blood! I never had the chance to break free like you did with brainwashing! I was used and abused in _every_ sense of the word! And I don't have the luxury of forgetting parts of it like you do!" She slammed her fists on his chest causing him to let out a huff of air. He could see her tears spilling over. Both of them were boiling with anger fighting over who had it worse with Hydra. Mila was taking deep breaths as she bit the inside of her mouth needing to release a bit of tension. Bucky sighed and shook his head.

"Ridiculous." He muttered looking at the dirt.

"What is?" she grumbled.

"We are fighting over who had it worse." He looked back up at her waiting for her reaction. She pursed her lips nodding. She didn't stop crying though because her mind was still running through all the terrible things that happened when she was with the Red Room and Hydra. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. She tried fighting against him but he was too strong. She gave up and started sobbing into his chest. Bucky rested his chin lightly on the top of her head. He could smell lavender and vanilla. She smelled like the love of his life. Not like gunpowder and metal, the smell of war.

"We are so fucked up." Bucky murmured holding her tighter while she continued to fall apart in his arms. She thought about the last conversation she had with her brother-in-law.

 _Raymond finished putting the last round of ammo in his supply belt and looked up at Betty who found him before the teams were supposed to ship out._

 _"I'll come back." He said more so trying to reassure himself._

 _"You better. If John loses his daddy to this war, I will personally go knock ol' Hitler in the jaw." She said smiling while lightly punching Raymond in the arm. He rubbed the spot pretending to be in pain._

 _"Damn. Now I can't go out to the field. I'm already injured!" He mocked. The pair laughed. While he was more of a jerk than anything to Betty most days, she knew that's what brothers were for. She was glad her sister had found Raymond because he was a great guy._

 _"If little ol' me can take you out of the war you shouldn't have been able to enlist."_

 _"Yeah well how can you say no to a face like this?" He said pointing to his face. Betty rolled her eyes. "What if I had Barnes' face? Then would you agree." Betty slapped his arm meaning to hurt him and felt her cheeks start to burn. "Oh my Betty you blushin? That's adorable."_

 _"Shut up Raymond." She said turning away from him._

 _"Hey maybe I'll keep an eye for him in the field, let him come back to ya….. Or maybe I'll let him get shot for thinking about dating my sister."_

 _"In-law!" She pointed out holding a finger up. He grabbed her arm and turned her back around looking serious._

 _"Look, Barnes seems like a great guy. I honestly think you should just dump Wilbur and go for him. I mean especially after the way he talked about you last night." Betty looked taken aback. She never thought Bucky would talk about her to others._

 _"What did he say?" She asked_

 _"Why don't you ask him yourself?" He said nodding behind her. Her fear was instant but when she turned no one was there. Seeing his prank Betty sighed._

 _"Damn you!" She whined while he laughed._

 _"Oh your face was priceless! God," he pulled her into a big hug. "I'll have to come back just so I can keep giving you a hard time over here." She hugged him back and patted his shoulder. When the pulled apart he took the compass out of his pocket at showed Betty the picture of her sister and nephew in the inside cover. "But mainly I'll come back for them." Betty smiled seeing the picture._

 _"Can you do me a favor?" She asked looking at him. He looked interested in her request so she continued. "please bring Bucky back with you. I think I kinda like the guy." She said softly._

 _"Sure thing sis." He said kissing the top of her head and closing the compass. Little did she know how horrible the entire mission would go and how Wilbur kept his favor taking a bullet for Barnes in the field. Right then all they knew is that they were family and this war held uncertainties for them._

* * *

 ** _AN: Please review? It gives me inspiration, all feedback it appreciated._**


	12. Memories, Where'd You Go?

**AN: Hello all! Thanks for your continued support of this story and your reviews sparked my inspiration making me get this next chapter out sooner.**

 **So please continue to review. I love them.**

 **Guest: Didn't know that about Grillo but that changes things a lot.**

abstract0118 : **Yeah they are cute aren't they? Going to tap into more feels this chapter. Even Steve gets some flash backs.**

MicroSpider : **your new favorite? wow! Thanks for that. And yes you will find out how Bucky proposed to Betty. It will be funny. I've thought that scene out many times and I would disappoint myself to not write it.**

 **Note for this chapter, remember when Steve was in New Jersey and remembered running his drill and looking at the soldiers run by, well I'm using that technique here. The whole super-soldier super hippo-campus theory i read makes sense so i am incorporating it.**

* * *

 _I've got my heavy heart to hold me down_  
 _Once it falls apart my head's in the clouds_  
 _So I'm taking every chance I got_  
 _Like the man I know I'm not_

 _Turn off the Lights- Panic! at the Disco_

* * *

"Stark has a lead in Frankfurt. There was a big fight there in an airport a couple days ago." Steve said looking out the window across Manhattan. He wasn't comfortable in Stark's tower but he didn't have many options.

" _Man I don't think I want to go all the way to Germany."_ Sam said on the other end of the phone.

"Fury said he was going to Europe. You think he would help?" Steve asked hopeful.

" _You know the man better than I do. If you think you can get ahold of him."_

"Yeah, I guess he didn't leave a forwarding address." Steve leaned forward propping himself up by the forearm against the glass.

" _We'll find em. Even if your friends are bat shit crazy_." Steve smiled at his comment

"Takes one to know one huh?" Steve offered.

" _Hilarious. Alright I'm going to swing by Mila's place and see if the C.I.A. left anything_."

"Keep me posted."

" _Can I get a please?"_ Sam mocked.

"Please keep me posted." Steve offered.

 _"Yeah man. Talk to ya later."_

"Bye Sam." Steve hung up and looked out across the city. It was busy with life and people trying to carry on now that the world had seemed to flip again. The good guys were the bad guys and no one knew exactly who to trust. Steve still didn't know how many other people he could trust. Learning about his two friends made him suspicious of a lot of things now. He hoped he could save them. He knew Bucky was in there fighting the Winter Solider but Betty, he had no clue what condition she was in. She went off the grid in 2009 and no agency had any tags on her since then. Steve walked over to the bedroom on his floor and found the one of his sketchbooks he kept at the tower. He flipped through the pages and saw a pencil sketch of Bucky and Betty smiling both in their army greens. He had sketched it from an old picture he remembered them taking shortly after he rescued Bucky from the Hydra base. He didn't want to think about how Hydra had been preparing him for this Winter Solider role long before Steve thought he was dead. He tried to focus on the good things.

 _Steve took in the cheering that Bucky started when the soldiers returned to their camp and smiled. He didn't care about the glory, he cared that his friend was safe. He looked at the jerk he called a friend and saw a woman with a medic band around her army green sleeve wrapped around him. He wondered if this girl holding him too tight was just a crush or someone he was invested in. Bucky looked down at the girl and wiped tears away from her face with his thumbs . She was already holding a rag to his face trying to clean up some of the blood and Steve grinned crossing his arms. When Bucky saw his friend had caught him with his gal he shot him a death glare. Steve wasn't intimidated as he walked closer acknowledging the men who patted him on the shoulder as he walked by._

 _"I guess I owe you that kiss huh?" He heard the girl ask._

 _"Guess you do." Bucky said cupping the side of her face and pulling her close not wanting to miss another chance to kiss this woman. Steve may not have been the expert in kissing but he knew that the kiss he was watching was long overdue and he couldn't even remember seeing his parents kiss like that in front of him. When others noticed the pair kissing there was more applause and some mutters of 'finally!' Steve looked around confused, people seemed generally happy that they were fraternizing. When they pulled apart Steve was close enough to Bucky to pat him on the shoulder._

 _"Who's this?" Steve asked nodding to the girl._

 _"Steve this is Betty, Betty this is Steve." He stepped to the side so the two could shake hands. Betty just nodded her head taking in the sight of the man who Bucky claimed was his best friend._

 _"Bucky described you as smaller." She put her hand out to her eye level indicating he should be about that height the way he was mentioned to him. Steve laughed and put his head down shrugging._

 _"Guess that's what happens when you join the army." Steve said sharing a knowing glance with Bucky. He had already informed him on the long march back to this camp what had happened to him and how he was selling war bonds._

 _"So, Captain want to visit my nephew? He has all your comic books. His mom reads them to him." Betty said while Bucky snaked his hand to her side reaching for her smaller hand._

 _"I think I could clear the schedule." Steve scratched the back of his neck, he was still getting used to the whole hero thing. He glanced down and saw the two with laced fingers and saw how Bucky nearly beamed standing next to this girl._

 _"He'd love that. Well Steve, I got to get your friend into the tent and check for any damage that wasn't already there." She said tapping on his head. Steve chuckled at her joke to which Bucky rolled his eye before giving a look that screamed 'really?' to Betty. She squeezed his hand in response._

 _"You two are going to get along_ swell." _Bucky said emphasizing his sarcastic delight. Betty tugged him away from Steve and Steve turned his attention back to Peggy._

 _Betty sat Bucky down on one of the cots and took on a more serious look as she began to exam him. This was no time to mess around and flirt, Bucky could tell from her expression. Her face was also skinnier than he remembered and there were dark circles under her eyes. How much sleep had she lost over him? He remembered thinking about her a lot when he was being tortured. He thought about all the people he cared about and how he needed to be strong and make it through everything for them. He was afraid, there was no doubt, but when he thought about losing everyone he cared for because of Zola, it angered him and that would drive him to stay awake as long as possible during the tortures. Betty was just happy he was there. She could feel his warm skin for the first time in what seemed like forever. She looked him over comparing him to what she remembered and the abuses that were on his face. He clearly didn't have a fun time with whatever they had done to him. She cleaned the wounds on his face and neither one said a word. It was her nurse Marsha who spoke up when she moved to grab an extra towel beside the pair._

 _"Glad you're alright Serge, she was a damn mess." Marsha said nodding her head towards Betty before walking away. Bucky smirked and tilted his head._

 _"Oh really?" He pried._

 _"Shut up Barnes." She tried fighting the blush but it was to no anvil._

 _"Look like you haven't slept in a while either."_

 _"You look like you took a panzer to the face." She said trying to insult him but it wasn't true. He still looked handsome and made her heart skip a beat when those blue eyes found hers. Bucky grabbed one of her hands and kissed the knuckles gently._

 _"No, really Betty. Are you ok?" She frowned and shook her head looking up at the ceiling of the tent._

 _"I thought I lost you." She put her hand over her mouth to try to prevent the inevitable sob that would come out. "And we lost Raymond." Betty cried thinking about her little nephew John who kept screaming about his daddy. Even after his funeral he screamed. He screamed about that flag he was given, he didn't want the flag; he wanted his daddy. Bucky wrapped his arm around her and let her cry for a moment into his shoulder. Raymond talked to him about his family that he left in England at the start of the war. He had a beautiful wife and a son who just turned three last week. He remembered how it was when he lost his father eight years ago. It was ironic that when he was an adult in the eyes of the law he had to be the man of the house. His mother long since dead, no doubt waiting on his father in heaven. He was so angry for a long time and if it weren't for Steve, he would have gotten into some rough gangs. But Steve was there asking Bucky for his help in stupid things. He ask if he could help him draw a certain thing in in his sketchbook. Wondered if Bucky knew a recipe for chocolate cake for his mom's birthday. Asked if he could write a poem for a girl Steve had a crush on at his art school. Little stupid things that would preoccupy his thoughts and become habits he loved doing around the house. Where would he be without Steve? Steve thought too often Bucky was the one saving him, it was the other way around. Bucky began rubbing Betty's back hoping to comfort her as she continued to grieve._

 _"Hey did I ever tell you my biggest secret?" Bucky said hoping to distract her. She sniffled and pulled back looking at him to reveal his secret. He lightly cupped her face and took in the sight he was deprived of for nearly a month. "No? Well, I'll tell you. Betty, I love you." She smiled and grabbed his left hand nuzzling it._

 _"I love you too Barnes." She spoke softly._

The situation was near the same as Mila stayed buried in Bucky's embrace. Bucky remembered how hurt she was back then and hoped she never have to know grief like that again. Clearly his hopes were shattered, Hydra and the Red Room made sure that she saw nothing but grief.

"Bet-Mila," He corrected himself, he wasn't back in 1944. "why did you bring us to Azzano?" Mila looked up at him her eyes blood shot and puffy. She looked defeated keeping her gaze at his chest rather than his eyes.

"I wanted to help you remember the good times. We had some of those here." Bucky let a small smile form at her effort. If he took time to stop being angry at how his life turned out he would realize how much he appreciated having Mila there with him. He knew standing around wasn't going to make either of them feel better about a damn thing so he offered taking a walk around the old army base they called home for roughly four months. The birds were chirping and squirrels ran around the ground. To any other couple it would be a nice place in nature to relax and get away from it all, but they weren't that. They walked up to the barrier that was barely standing and stepped over the log that blocked their path. Bucky stopped at the flag pole and he could have sworn he saw a U.S. flag waving from. He didn't see anything though and wondered what was going on in his mind. Looking around the camp he saw tents and soldiers walking around. It was like he remembered it during the War. He watched men marching and polishing firearms, there were a few nurses walking around next to soldiers no doubt flirting. Bucky looked confused which did not go unnoticed by Mila as she walked up to him.

"Bucky?" She asked putting her hand on his right shoulder. Looking at her, her hair was shorter and pinned back. She was wearing her army pants and white t-shirt.

"Betty?" He murmured.

"Yeah?" Mila asked following in his confusion. Did he really think he was back at the camp?

"Look I have to tell ya this." He spoke placing his hands on her shoulders his face full of remorse.

"Tell me what?" She asked.

"Raymond, he died a hero. He took a bullet for me. If it wasn't for him I would be dead and he would still be alive to come back to his family." Mila tilted her head. She already knew this. It clicked with her that he was reliving a memory.

"Buck-"

"Look you have every right to hate me! I don't know why he did it! I was trying to save a man-down and pull him out of the line of fire but Raymond came up and gave me cover. I got the man to the trenches but when I looked back for Raymond he'd been shot." Bucky looked so lost. It was clear this was his first brush with death up close. Mila put her head down not being able to handle his expression.

"He was protecting you, I asked him to bring you back." Mila looked back up at him. When this scene played out years ago she was crying to hard at his confession to tell him that fact. He was probably blaming himself for her brother's death. In reality it had been her fault. A crease formed in his forehead as he took in the news he had never heard.

"Why?"

"Because I am selfish and I love you." She spoke quietly.

….

Sam was digging through the apartment that had barely anything in it. The furniture was all that was left. Every drawer and cabinet had been opened and only ordinary objects were left. The bedroom was similar. Sam didn't want to leave empty handed though. He needed something to help Steve find his friends. He looked under the bed and saw nothing at first glance. Looking a little harder he could see part of the carpeting slipped up like it had been cut and not put back down. He stood up and moved the bed out of the way with grunt. He wasn't expecting the thing to be so damn heavy. He looked down at the floor and sure enough there was a small square cut out of the carpet.

"what are you hiding?" He said peeling the piece back to find a small hatch. He slowly pulled it open not knowing if there was a trap waiting for him or an alarm would go off. After flinching when he had the hatch door completely open he relaxed when nothing exploded. Looking into the hatch he found an old cigar box and a red leather notebook. It had a hammer and sickle in black pressed into the cover. "That's not suspicious." Sam said as he grabbed both objects out of the hole. He flipped through the book and saw they were notes written in a language he didn't understand. He tucked it in one of his cargo pockets and opened the cigar box. Inside were the first issues of Captain America comics and a whole lot of pictures that were fading with time. The girl Sam knew was hardly in any of them. Of course selfies weren't really a thing back in the 40's. He laughed looking at the pictures of Steve and the assassin who days ago tried to kill them all. Looking at the photo there was no doubt that these two were friends. Flipping the photos over there was some cursive writing describing who was in the photo and where it was taken. Sam put everything back and got out of the house before anyone would notice the open window he snuck in. Once he made it to his car he put the box in the passenger seat and informed Steve of his findings. Steve seemed egear to look at the things he found and asked if Sam could come up to New York for them to figure the journal out.

"Jeez man you can't put that many miles on a rental car." Sam joked turning the ignition on.

" _I think we can afford it. Or at least Stark can."_ Steve said. Sam could have sworn he heard someone yelling in the background.

"Alright, let me pack some things and I'll be there. Stark Tower right?"

" _Right. Tony'll let you in. Promise."_

 _"Uh who is that?"_

 _"Tony, it's fine. He's a friendly."_

"Ok you talk him into it. I'll be there this afternoon. Hopefully, you know if Hydra doesn't knock me off between now and then." Sam joked.

" _yeah that would be a bad thing."_

 _…_

After talking Bucky back to the present Mila took his hand and walked him around pointing out where things used to be and memorable times at the camp that seemed so silly and insignificant at the time. Stopping in front of a place where wild flowers had grown Mila pointed and explained how that was where her tent used to be. Bucky's was right across the way. Bucky seemed to smile taking it in. He wanted so badly to just relive these days that Mila was talking about and not have to think about Hydra but he knew it was a wasted effort. He could never return to that old life.

"You asked me to join you and Steve in London after you were assigned to the Howling Commandos. I wanted to stay with my medic team here and I argued with you for the longest time about what usefulness I would have. You said, and I quote 'Well if anything you'd be there to kick our asses into shape.'" Bucky laughed at that. He barely remembered that but he could tell from the short time he had reuniting with Mila that it was probably true.

"but you came with us. I remember you in the bar." He pointed out.

"Yeah I came with you guys. Mainly because you get annoying when you want something." She paused gauging his reaction. He seemed like he was debating the fact in his head.

"How exactly?" He wondered crossing his arms.

"'Betty you have to come, I'll go out of my mind!' 'Betty you don't understand Steve wants you to come' 'Betty please come with me, I'll make sure you got enough medical shit to do.' 'Betty you're the only one who could patch me up right' Do I need to keep going?" She asked mocking him the entire time.

"Clearly I had an interest." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Clearly is right." She laughed. " But I didn't mind at all. Although I couldn't understand why Steve wanted me to go too. I have to admit I was star struck by Steve but only because my nephew was such a huge fan. Raymond made sure to send home every issue to John."

"He thought you were good for me." Bucky said quietly shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he looked at her.

"Good? How?" She asked dumbfounded. Bucky was a swell guy who could clearly take care of himself or have any gal he wanted. What made Betty so special to land on Captain America's 'good' rader?

"I don't know. I remember him saying I kept him in line and that was a hard enough job, but to have someone keep me in line, you needed a strong person for that. I think he was being a punk."

"Sounds like the Steve I know." She said walking to where the mess hall used to be. Now it was just an overgrown grassy spot where there were a couple of forks rusting on the ground.

"I almost killed him." Bucky said walking towards her. He bent down and picked up one of the forks twirling it between his fingers gracefully.

"What?"

"He was my mission from Hydra. He was trying to stop Project Insight and Hydra ordered me to kill him. Said it was the only way to ensure order in this world." He stopped playing with the fork and threw it with such force it stuck in a nearby tree. Mila was slightly impressed.

" But you didn't succeed." Mila pointed out. She would have heard about that on the news for sure.

"No I didn't, but he kept talking to me trying to get through to me and it hurt my head. I didn't know what to believe and when the Helicarrier went down I hit my head and things were still blurry but I could piece small facts together."

"Like what." Mila said walking over to try and pull the fork out of the tree.

"Hydra was bad. The Red Sentinel would come for me. Steve was someone I should trust. I was missing someone." Bucky looked at Mila and he nodded to her.

"You were missing me? You remembered me?" Bucky walked slowly to her.

"Subconsciously yes. I just needed to get answers. I knew to check the newspaper classified when I completed a mission. That's something hardwired into me. I was hoping to find their message and find the base to kill every Hydra agent I could but instead I found the ad for the Captain America exhibit and I went there. I found you." Bucky looked at the fork seeming slightly upset. "I left Steve at the side of the River. I didn't know if I could believe him. He had so much faith in me but I kept thinking 'You have to kill him'. I don't know why I saved him." Mila put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Because he's your friend. You've been through thick and thin with him and you can't brainwash that away." Bucky looked into her eyes helpless.

"But they did. I can barely remember any life before the army. Snippets are all I have."

"Well, we will get there." Mila assured him wrapping her arms around him. Bucky was hesitant to return the hug. "But between now and then we will create new memories. Don't worry about a thing." She pulled back to look at his face. "Alright?"

"If you say so." He said letting his arms drop.

"Well let's head back to the car. Maybe we can get on the road and find some dinner." She said walking away. Bucky turned back around and looked at the camp. He was seeing it as though it was during the war again but he could see a memory of himself and Betty talking.

 _"C'mon Betty, please?" Bucky pleaded._

 _"Why should I? I don't offer any intel like the rest of you." She said absently playing with his shirt hem._

 _"Cuz all the guys you trained are going back to London, and plus you'd be lost if you couldn't pester me." He said ruffling her hair. She swatted his hands away._

 _"I think it's the other way around." She said with a mock pout. He laughed nodding his head._

 _"Well maybe. Now come on, you going to join me? I promise it'll be fun." He rubbed her arm hoping his contact would convince her to go. She sighed._

 _"I don't think I could ever let you go on without me." She said pulling him into a kiss. There was no secrecy between them, everyone at the camp knew they were a couple. This meant Bucky didn't hesitate to hoist her up and twirl her around while they kissed. She pulled away laughing._

 _"Knew it." He said still holding her up._

 _"What?" He let her slip to the ground._

 _"You couldn't resist me." He said with a wink._

He watched and just knew that they were a happy couple back then, even if they hadn't made it some official thing. There was no doubt in his mind that it was love, how could it so easily be gone between them?

"Coming Bucky?" Mila asked making the memory fade and the camp was again an overgrown forest. Bucky turned and followed Mila. Would they ever get to look like that again?

…

"Look at these two. They were so in love." Steve said holding up a picture of Betty and Bucky. The picture was candid Betty had her arms draped over his shoulders and had her forehead pressed against his. They were both smiling.

"Yeah, I bet they had a lot of romantic dates working for Hydra too, you know killing people dismantling governments." Sam said looking at one of the comic books. "Hey how much you think this would go for?" Sam asked. Steve shot him a dirty look and put the comic back in the cigar box.

"You aren't selling me!" Steve said. Tony stepped between the two tossing the red journal on the table in front of them.

"It's Russian. Jarvis scanned the pages, he's going to translate it and print it all out in English. Should take about an hour total." Steve looked at Tony raising a brow. Tony didn't need him to voice his question. "It'll print out in the lab." Steve nodded his head. Tony looked at the pictures and comic books scattered across the table. He picked one of the comics up and looked it over.

"How much do you think you'd get for one of these Rogers?" Tony asked. Sam put his hands out motioning towards Tony.

"See I'm not the only one!" Sam offered.

"Guys we aren't selling the comic books!" Tony flipped through the pages.

"Oh look you punched Hitler. Did they draw that from a real life event?" Tony jested showing him the page. Steve rolled his eyes smiling a bit. He hadn't had a hard time about the comics since the Howling Commandos made fun of him. It was all in good fun of course.

"Well here's this Tony." Sam spoke handing him a photo. He took it and looked at it front and back. It was Steve and Howard leaning over some design. On the back it said _Captain Rogers and Cassanova Stark September 1944._ Tony threw the picture back on the table and walked away. Steve saw the photo land face down and picked it up.

"He wasn't close with his dad." Steve explained putting the photo back in the box.

"I get that now." Sam said picking up another photo. This one was of a unknown girl with a child in her lap and a man in uniform standing behind the pair. "This is?" He said showing Steve the picture.

"Betty's sister, Eva, Eva's husband Raymond and their son John." Steve said trying to focus on something else. He knew Raymond was killed in action. Eva was probably long since dead as well. John… well he had no idea about him. An idea hit him and he took the photo from Sam. "I wonder if we can find John. Maybe he would know where his Aunt is hiding." Steve looked at the boy who was maybe two in the picture. There should be records of him somewhere. He flipped the picture over. McKay was the surname. "JARVIS can you run some document searches on a John McKay, son of Eva and Raymond. Born in the early 40's." He requested of the AI.

"Yes Mr. Rogers."

…

A private jet landed in Frankfurt where only one passenger got off. As the jet engines died down Natasha walked across the runway getting into a black SUV. She slammed the door close and the man spoke up.

"Hey, no need to slam the door." Nick Fury's deep voice came from the driver seat. Natasha looked over at him raising a brow.

"I think we have bigger problems than a door Nick." She said buckling up.

"Well, she's your friend, I think that makes it your problem." He put the car in drive and headed off to an unknown destination.

"You wanted her at one point." Natasha reminded him.

"Well, she had a skill set that we could have used at SHIELD. We could have made her a hero."

"She didn't want that. She just wanted to be normal again." Natasha opened the file labeled Case no. 19 in Russian. She flipped through the pictures of her mentor throughout her transformation from a normal woman to a weapon.

"I can see that is working out well for her."

"How long til we get to that secret bunker so I can set up a base?" Natasha said ignoring his comment.

"About fourteen hours, so get comfortable." Nick stated.

"Would you have honored her request?" Natasha asked reading the meager amount of information the file had on her WWII life.

"Did you give me a choice?" Nick looked her way and she smiled.

"Not at all."

"Look I know she means a lot to you and I know your hoping she has some answers to your past, but understand I can't help you with this. I can only get you to the bunker."

"I know." She whispered. "That's all I asked for sir."

* * *

 **And there ya go! Please leave reviews with your theories and feelings and what nots.**


	13. Space Just a Word

**AN: Hello. sorry this was late. I am very sorry. But uh here ya go please review. I hope you like it. I hope you are afraid by the time you finish.**

* * *

 _Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe_  
 _Ain't going backwards, won't ask for space_  
 _Cause space was just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too..._

 _Close - Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo_

* * *

"Rumlow I need a lead. I missed them in Azzano. You got any more ideas?" The Hydra agent said trying to pull the fork out of the tree. There was no reason it should be there, a clear sign that his targets were here.

" _Look I told you, I ain't working for Hydra. They left me to die in this hospital."_ The agent could hear the strain in his voice over the phone.

"Well you were the Assets last handler. Where did the damn Soviets burry all their secrets about them?"

 _"Shouldn't you know that?"_ The man rolled his eyes. Obviously if he was calling Rumlow he had no information.

"They are on the run together. What other place has significance to them?"

" _Is Hydra that desperate to find him that you'll tear up the European landscape?"_

"We have a hit on her too."

" _No shit. After five years?"_ Rumlow chuckled over the phone before coughing. The burns were severe and often left his throat feeling dry. " _I chased that bitch down for at least a year. Pierce had me on assignment for that. We gave up though."_

 _"_ And I found her, so anything you can think of?"

" _Well obviously they are revisiting their past going to their old army base. Just promise if you get her you bring her to me. Me and her have a whole lot to catch up on."_

 _…_

"So Buck, you finished writing in that journal like two hours ago. Something is still bothering you." Mila said from the driver's seat. The pair had already found a place to eat a late lunch or early supper depending on your view. Fortunately there were no goons chasing them this time.

"You said earlier you have been free for 5 years. What have you been doing?" Mila glanced at Bucky and frowned.

"I kept myself busy."

"Mila." He warned. Bucky came to a conclusion at lunch that she was definitely hiding something from him when she kept avoiding lengthy explanations and would avoid eye contact if he asked certain questions about her family.

"I spent the two years trying to find you. By the time I was actually free they relocated you from our last known base. I did manage to take a few things that were mine while I was there but after two years of cold trails I knew I couldn't find you without help and I got help from our little red ballerina." Mila looked over giving him a half smile.

"Natalia." He spoke letting his Russian accent flow.

"Yes. But we couldn't find you. We would have to blow our covers and we'd end up dead. After that I ran into your sister who was living by herself. We got reacquainted and I helped her move into a retirement home where she would be in good company. I moved around the country trying to make amends for some of the things I did while under their control. I nearly killed myself once but then Sam found me and we became friends. I stayed in D.C. for almost a year laying low and hanging out with Rebecca. Natalia would visit when she could. It was dark for a long time but I've adjusted and I'm still moving past it all. You'll get there." Mila removed her right hand from the steering wheel to grab his left hand to reassure him.

"What if I never do?" He asked swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Well we have all the time in the world Buck. I'd wait on you for eternity." Bucky leaned back in his seat not sure if the next question he wanted to ask was really his business but he asked anyway.

"Were you rationed for any guys in those five years?" Mila's face dropped picking up a phrase she hadn't heard in a long time.

"Umm…"

"That was crossing a line wasn't it?" He mumbled pulling his hand from her grip.

"Well no, not really. I mean I had some guys take me to dinner but I was never rationed for any of them. " Bucky relaxed a bit. He didn't understand why her answer would make him so tense but he was happy she didn't forget about him. Of course it was a bittersweet feeling, why should she have waited for him if he was as good as dead on any Hydra mission. Hell he was upset that she hadn't moved on and had a life with kids the other day now he was happy she was still his.

"How long would you have waited before you let one of them go steady with ya?"

"I don't know Buck, that's the thing; I never knew when you might turn up when I might find ya or you would break free. I woulda waited until I was dead I guess." Mila said with a shrug.

"That's dumb." Bucky quipped. She playfully hit him in the arm, forgetting for a moment that it was metal as she winced in pain after the fact. "Just like that was." He looked at her smirking.

"You just wait until we are out of this car. You'll get your ass handed to you." Mila threatened.

"Oh I can't wait." He exclaimed mocking his excitement with a half smile.

"Look if you're going to be a fat-head I can just push you out of this car while I'm driving. I don't mind."

"Did you just call me a fat-head?"

"so what? What are you going to do about it?" She questioned raising a brow.

"I'm sure I'll figure out something between now and when this car stops." He mused.

"Oh I can't wait." She said mocking him. Bucky shook his head letting out a sigh. She was really too good for him. He sometimes doubted Hydra or the Red Room had control over her at some point. She smiled too much and enjoyed things. She was trusting and open. Her spirit emitted so much innocence and forgiveness. Everything Hydra wasn't she embodied and it gave him a small shred of hope that maybe he wasn't a lost cause.

…

He had watched the same footage for over an hour. He watched the targets steal the car and drove out of the parking lot before the feed switched to steal a glimpse of the car headed on a road leading south out of town. He looked down at the maps again and crossed out places that made no logical sense for the pair to hide. Major cities had too many cameras and tourists they could blend in for a while but they would pop up be it on surveillance or the background of a tourist's picture on social media. They would need a place that gave them an advantage. A place where there were few tourists. A place they could guard themselves. Cities on a hill tended to be easier to hide out because you generally got a tip off if your enemy was making a trek to come get you. Unfortunately Italy had its share of mountains.

"Where the fuck are you?" He muttered drawing on the map. He circled five potential cities they could be headed. They towns were big enough to have stores for supplies and they were far enough from any city to keep any agent who wondered from stumbling on them. As he thought more about the locations he crossed three out and that left him with Assisi or Orvieto. He could go to both, stop in Assisi first, scour the town, then move on if he was unsuccessful there. If he didn't find them there, it was highly likely that it would be months before he could get a sniff of their trail again. Timing was everything when on the hunt, the Asset's record proved he could stay hidden for a while but in the end he could be found. The Asset would slip, maybe having her tagging along would make him slip earlier hopefully not the opposite. He knew how well the Red Room trained their girls. Collecting his maps and tracking systems he loaded everything back into his SUV and left the motel room not bothering to alert the manager or pay. He had places to be after all.

….

Mila pulled the car to the bottom of the hill and left it there. The pair of them could walk up the roadside and make it to Orvieto. Bucky insisted on leading the way event though he had no idea where he was going. It was growing dark and many of the people passing by were no doubt headed back to their homes after a work day or after a date. Shops were closing and the pair were greeted by most people who passed with a smile and nod. Bucky was unsure how to respond being unaccustomed to the kindness of strangers but Mila seemed unaffected by the kind gestures returning them. When they reached the peak of the old town Mila absently grabbed Bucky's hand and tugged him in the direction where an old coffee shop was.

"We need to find a place to rest and gather supplies." Bucky said trying to figure out where she was taking him.

"No. Not yet. Sit down and we are getting a cup of coffee."

"At 21:00 hours? There'd be no shop open." Mila rolled her eyes at his army talk and naivety. Times had changed since they had last been here. Shops didn't close at five so that owners could be with their families. Values were different. Capital was key as was caffeine. People enjoyed coffee too much and shops were closing later. Turning the street corner the warm light welcoming Mila back to a happier time.

"No shop open huh?" She said stopping in front of the same place they spent their last days in Italy at. Bucky looked on incredulously. She could see the gears turning in his head it was the same shop, but there were lights on the outside sign. A neon sign reading open in Italian hung from the window replacing the old wooden carved sign that used to hang in the door.

"Is this...?" Bucky trailed the memory too foggy for him to figure if it was a dream or a memory.

"Yes." She whispered. She pointed at the seat outside the shop. "Have a seat, I'll grab you a drink." She kissed his cheek and left him to go inside. As he waited he couldn't seem to sit still. Young lovers sharing moments, teenagers laughing, and people talking to loud on their cell phones. He was studying them all looking out for threats in the dim street lights. There was music coming from speakers some place. He looked around and found them under the canopy of the shop. It was some modern music he couldn't place a finger on.

Mila looked around in the shop and saw pictures from the shops history along the walls. She saw what she could only presume was the family that owned the shop in a picture hanging near the register. Her gaze must of lingered too long because the lady behind the counter had to ask twice for her money. Snapping Mila out of her dream the girl looked over to the picture and explained that was her grandparents. Her grandfather died a few years ago but her grandmother still lived in the flat above the shop. Mila smiled at the thought. When the girl gave her the coffees Mila went to the little table with the sugars and cream. She added what see needed to hers leaving Bucky's alone and noticed a jukebox. She grabbed the barista's attention asking if this worked. She explained that it did and it played on the outside speakers too. Mila's curiosity got the better of her and she put in enough money to play five old songs that were mixed in all the other newer ones. She couldn't remember the last time she heard some of these songs but she knew Bucky would remember them. Well, she hoped he would.

Bucky was getting anxious when it was taking Mila longer than she should. He stood up ready to go into the shop not bothering to pay attention to the song changing from something unfamiliar to a song he would have danced with a beautiful dame to. \He threw the door open and Mila was standing there two coffees in hand and body angled to open the door with her hip.

"That thirsty?" Mila offered the cup out to him and he seemed to relax a bit taking the cup with his metal hand.

"Sorry. You took a while." He said walking back out to the chair with Mila behind him. He sat down and placed the coffee down in the middle of the table as though he wasn't going to drink it. Mila sat down taking him in a question forming.

"Eating." She stated. Bucky raised an eyebrow not understanding where her word came from. "That's what feels the strangest after it all." Bucky thought about her claim. He couldn't deny it. After having all of his nutrients supplied through an IV for so long it was definitely strange to have food or drinks of any texture in his mouth. Chewing required muscles he hadn't worked in a long time. He never really talked under Hydra.

"Yeah." He agreed leaning back.

"I remember Natasha holding me up in a cell when I was rescued. The first thing she did was get me something to eat. She got me a slice of pizza because that's what they had at the compound that day for lunch. It was too many textures and I didn't know what to make of it." Bucky remembered eating on the plane and it made sense, it wasn't necessarily the tastes of the food it was getting his mouth accustomed to eating again.

"Drinking's not that bad." He commented taking the coffee trying to be smooth and take a swig but forgot that the beverage was still scolding hot. He choked on the drink spitting it back into the cup. Mila put her head down holding back her laughter. When she glanced back up he was taking big breaths with his mouth open.

"Careful, it's hot." She said with a snicker. He gave her a threating glare that she was sure would make anyone else afraid but she could see right through the seriousness. She flashed her best smile making him loosen up and shake his head.

"Thanks for the warning." He said leaning over the table propping himself up on his elbows. He pointed across the street and gave a slight nod to the place in question. "We sat over there last time right?" Mila glanced in the direction he was talking about.

"Yeah. You were reading an Italian newspaper. It was our last two days in Italy and-"

"I got Phillips to give you leave with us boys. We spent the first day in Rome and spent the night here because Steve got our asses lost." Mila couldn't contain how happy she was that he was remembering on his own. She leaned over the table resting her chin on one hand.

"What else?" her eagerness was not at all masked.

"We shared a bed and you insisted I get my hands sown into my pockets so I wouldn't try anything. We put a record on in the lobby that night and danced in the early morning making the manager send us back up to our room. Steve thought we would get arrested." Mila bit her lip and let out a relaxing breath thinking back to that night. It was an old hotel probably where they would spend the night. It was too fun to just be young and in love with a guy like Bucky.

"Want to relive that night?" She asked suggestively. Even something as innocent as dancing with Bucky would have sent her nerves on fire and make her lust after him more than a young lady should. That was just the energy he brought.

"I'm not that guy anymore." He said quietly. Mila frowned and tilted her head.

"You're getting there. We have all our lives to get you back. I'm not going anywhere." Her words reassured him. "Well," She paused to be dramatic. "I am going back to that hotel." Bucky nodded and contemplated how she so fluidly seemed to be playful like the woman he used to know. Hydra would work that out of you, there wouldn't be an ounce of yourself left. Then he remembered she had time working on her side. Five years. Looking at her sly smile he knew he could spend five years working towards his old self with her. Hell, he'd spend as long as it took with her. She was patient with him. She wasn't forcing him to remember, she eased him into memories and was there for the bad ones. He figured he could at least try to match her mood.

"Well then, what are we waiting on doll?" He said with a wink. She burst out in laughter clearly happy for his attempt.

They grabbed their coffees and walked down the streets that were nearly empty Bucky absently hummed one of the songs that was playing at the café. A song Mila had picked from the jukebox selection. Mila admired the gesture, glancing his way he was in a zone and for a slight moment he looked at peace. His normal crease in his forehead that had worry written all over it was gone. His arms hung by his side as opposed to the tense way he normally held them. He stopped humming only to sip his coffee that was now cool enough to drink.

"What did you forget the words?" Mila commented making Bucky look at her with concern. "You were humming Billie Holiday right?"

"Was I?"

"I have that song on my Ipod we can listen later." Mila suggested as they pushed the doors open to the hotel they had stayed in decades ago. Looking at the counter she found a vary old man snoring at the desk a book sprawled across his belly. Mila looked at Bucky as though asking if it would be safe to wake up the man. Bucky rang the bell anyway causing him to stir from his sleep. His eyes fluttered open and he still looked dazed. Bucky propped his right elbow on the counter and eyed the man suspiciously, surely he would have a heart attack and die at any moment. The man begrudgingly got up to help the pair get a room and Bucky took the key already beginning his journey to scope out the hotel on his way up to the room. Mila who was about to join him was stopped when the man grabbed her hand that was on the counter. Mila looked to his wrinkled face and grey whiskers mildly on alert.

"You look so much like them." Mila cocked her head to the side unsure of what he meant.

"Like who?"

"That couple who danced in my lobby. So in love. Unfazed by Hitler's war." Mila smiled at his reminiscent thought hoping he wouldn't press the matter anymore. She gave his hand a pat. "Tell me is he lover?" The man nodded to Bucky who was just making his way up the stairs after sweeping the lobby.

"We're on our honeymoon." Mila offered following Bucky up the stairs with her eyes. It was years removed from when they should have returned to this city but that man didn't need to know the truth. He was just an elder who was trying to cling to the old ways of love in a modern world.

"Enjoy it. Time can be cruel and take what's yours when you love it the most." Mila knew there was a story there. Was is a wife he lost? A child? Who knew. He shooed her away and she took the stairs two at a time to catch up with Bucky. He glanced down at her and contemplated holding her hand. Thinking better of it, he was after all a murderer, he kept climbing until he reached the second floor where their room was. He unlocked the door and walked around the single bed room opening every drawer and checking all the ledges in the bathroom for mics or any other such thing. Mila closed the door and leaned against it fidgeting to get her Ipod out of her backpack while he continued. He peered out the small window when the same song he was humming started to play. Bucky turned around to find the source of the music and when he saw Mila's playful smirk he relaxed and took his backpack off. The familiar music drew him to her as muscle memory took over. He looked into her eyes and for a moment he wasn't the world's deadliest assassin. Mila pocketed the device but the music still filled the room as she put her arms around his neck.

"Care for a dance?" She whispered. Bucky wrapped his right arm around her waist pulling her close but hesitated to grab her hand with his left one. It wasn't a tool made to woo women and engage in such intimate exchanges, it was a blood soaked weapon designed to kill and destroy. Mila picked up on his hesitance and slowly slid her hand down from his neck to his cool metal shoulder. He flinched at her touch wincing a little. "Sorry. I forgot." She apologized forgetting that he had most of the shoulder bandaged from his actions two nights ago. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly.

"It's fine." He countered. Mila continued to move her hand down the metal arm still feeling the coolness beneath the red shirt. She tentatively laced her fingers in his afraid he would pull back from her completely if she pushed him too far. When he remained close to her she squeezed the hand unsure if he could feel the warmth of her flesh. He looked down at their hands and put his arm up where it should be for a proper dance. "You're beautiful." He said not meeting her eyes. Yes she looked beautiful with her hair a mess and no makeup on, but he was referring to something more personal. She was a beautiful soul for reaching out to him, trusting that he wouldn't hurt her with the weapon attached to his left side and for making him feel almost human again.

"You're not too bad yourself." She said with a smirk pulling his chin to look her in the eyes. He returned the smirk pulling her away from the door to move them to the rhythm of the music. It wasn't hard to fall back into the movements he had performed so many times before. He remembered someone saying something about waiting for the right partner and he never realized how true those words were until now. Having a gal like Mila, his Betty, his fiancée, there was no replacing her. She was like a stream to his rocky exterior, through gentle means she was wearing him down and he didn't mind it at all. He hoped she would never give up on him because he had already given up on himself. The words of the song started and he couldn't find a more fitting song at this moment.

 _Your eyes so blue  
Your kisses too  
I never knew what they could do  
I can't believe you're in love with me_

He twirled her outwards and pulled her closer when she found her way back. Their chests pressed against each other.

 _You're telling everyone I know  
I'm on your mind each place you go  
They can't believe that you're in love with me_

Bucky let his hand slip down her back to dip her admiring the pale flesh of her neck and the way she looked rolling her back up. Letting his hand trail back up her spine as she did so. Resting lightly on the nape of her neck.

 _I have always placed you far above me  
I just can't image that you love me  
And after all is said and done  
To think that I'm the lucky one  
I can't believe you're in love with me_

He watched as her eyes fluttered close at his touch and he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her. When he did he wasn't going to be timid like the last time. This was his gal and he missed her. He didn't miss her whimper as he let his left hand hold the side of her face. Mila's hands found his shirt and began tugging at the fabric as he made the kiss rougher. Their one dance faded to a more intimate one as Bucky cupped her bottom and hoisted her up so she could wrap her legs around his hips to which she made sure to give a slight buck to drive him insane. He moaned at her naughty gesture and he moved her to the edge of the dresser in the room. Mila only deepened the kiss by running her tongue over his bottom lip to which Bucky welcomed. Bucky gripped her hips tight and roughly tugged her to press against him. Mila could feel his desire growing as she tightened her leg's hold on him. Bucky let his hands roam he body and without thinking his left hand trailed up ward getting lost in her hair. Mila mimicked his gesture giving his now longer tresses a tug. Bucky went to do the same but Mila let out a hiss of pain.

"Ow Buck." She said pulling back from the kiss. She pulled her hands off of him and to her hair. Somehow Bucky managed to get her hair tangled in the mechanical arm via one of the many joint openings.

"Damn, Betty I'm sorry." He said moving to try and fix his mistake. She brushed off the old name and Mila gave a slight tug and could feel the tension in her scalp relived some. Bucky used his flesh hand to get the remainder of her silky curls out from the mechanics. Mila began laughing and looked over at Bucky who looked broken. She stopped seeing his face. She cupped it gently and let her thumb rub his cheek.

"Buck, what's wrong?" She asked

"I'm always going to destroy things." He spoke breathlessly. Mila frowned and tugged his chin a bit so he would look her in the eyes.

"No. This is what love is about Bucky. It's not always perfect and beautiful. It gets messy and it gets awkward. We laugh things off." Her smile only grew as she reflected briefly on how much laughter there was the night they had finally slept with each other. She had been nothing less than shy and unaware of anything to do while Bucky encouraged her with his confidence, never letting it show that he had never made it all the way with a gal.

"But if I'm not thinking my every move out, if I lose control, I could hurt you a lot worse than pulling your hair." He sighed. Mila shook her head.

"No you won't. Now shut that damn trap and kiss me." She demanded crashing her lips to his. His hands slowly moved from the dresser top to Mila's thighs as he tried to be cautious about what he did with his left hand. He didn't know exactly how to move past what he had just done to her even though she seemed to be over it. Mila could tell by the way he was tensed even while kissing her. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. Eyes that once held the world and happiness were now empty. True she still saw him as her world, hell he was all that she had left, but right now he was in another place. "I'm taking a shower." She said getting off the dresser and moving to the bathroom. Bucky cursed himself when she was gone because he had ruined everything. He knew she didn't mind but how could he let himself get carried away so quickly. He didn't know what would happen if he really lost control with her. He would break her. He didn't want to hurt her in anyway.

… **Hours later** …

Rumlow woke up in his hospital room and sighed finding he had lived for another day. He was getting real sick of being left to die in this place and not actually dying. He looked over at the table by his bed that had his personal belongings, a phone and his wallet, and slowly ignoring the pain reached for his phone. Looking at the screen he had one message in his inbox and three missed calls. They were from the same agent who contacted him earlier concerning his old assignment. The text message made everything clear as to why he had been trying to contact him. It had a picture of the female target tied up and knocked out in the back seat of a car. The message read: _Something for you._ Rumlow's smile was cruel as he thought of all the things he wanted to do to her…again.

* * *

 **AN: Cliffhanger. How did the go from heated nearly sex to Rumlow thinking about well... not nice things that's for sure. Questions comments concerns please leave in a review .**


	14. Aim and Ignite

AN: So sorry to cockblock ya'll last chapter but I just have a head cannon that there is no way that metal hand did not make for awkward love-making at some point. I mean c'mon. So i made it up to you.

to abstract0118: hope this chapter is more of what you're looking for.

also please don't be afraid to review. I love reviews. I love all of you who have Favorited and who follow this story

* * *

 _At least we would know that the sparks didn't glow_  
 _But we owe it to ourselves to try,_  
 _So we aim and ignite!_  
...

 _You look for a legend,_  
 _I'm looking for common ground._  
 _Your heart isn't breaking,_  
 _And mine isn't making a sound._

 _Light a Roman Candle with me - Fun._

* * *

Bucky sat on the bed thinking on what Mila had said. _This is what love is about Bucky. It's not always perfect and beautiful. It gets messy and it gets awkward. We laugh things off._ Bucky furrowed his brow trying to shift through the mess of his brain to make her words true. He could hear their laughter from years ago and he could see them fighting about stupid stuff. She was right. Not always perfect, but of the few things Bucky was certain of, he knew they were in love so long ago. Bucky fidgeted with his hands getting up he needed to write his thought down and sort them out. He took the journal out of his bag and sat on the edge of the bed to begin figuring things out.

Mila wrapped the towel around herself wanting to hide. Did he maybe not want her anymore? Was she being too pushy? Taking it all too fast? She sighed and brushed her teeth. She knew this would be painful for her to keep looking at him expecting him to just snap back into his old self. She didn't know where that foolish hope had come from, after she was initially freed from Hydra's control she spent months sobbing over everything she had done and trying not to kill herself for those crimes. She got close one day, but Natasha stopped her and made her talk to a guy at the V.A. who helped talk her down. Once she was better that's when Natasha began helping her find Bucky. Now that she had found him she was being greedy. He needed time and space to shift through things. She should just be there to make sure he didn't break. Turning the faucet back off she threw her hair up into a bun and walked out with the just long enough towel wrapped around her frame. If Bucky didn't take her obvious bait then she would give up for a while. She opened the door and walked past Bucky who was writing feverishly in his journal and grabbed her bag. Stealing glance over her shoulder she saw him trying to hide how he was looking at her from the corner of his eyes. She turned to face him smirking with a coyness that would make the devil blush.

"Can I help you?" She offered popping her hip. Bucky leaned back and took in the sight. Women definitely did not walk around with so much skin on display back in his day. Not that he minded. He loved the way the white towel graze the top of her creamy thigh. What would it hurt to try again and do everything right? Surely he could control himself enough if he just gave in a little. "Well?" She offered walking his way. The closer she got the more he was losing his logical thought process. His last bit of logic told him he had been set up.

"You did that on purpose." He whispered dropping the journal to the floor so his hands would be free to make the same moves against her skin as that damn offending towel was.

"Leave all my clothes out here so that I'd have to walk out in my towel?" She said with mock offense holding her mouth open to support her act. Bucky cocked his head raising an eyebrow not buying the act for a moment. "I would _never_ do such a thing." She spoke reaching out to trail a finger along his scruffy jaw line. She had to admit she may have like this look better on him. Bucky gripped his pant legs trying to just think things through and make sure he was in control of himself but she smelled so damn good and her touch was soft.

"Liar." He whispered. She paused and stepped closer to where her hips were nearly at his eye level.

"What did you call me?" She purred. He couldn't resist a moment longer he let his hands slip under the towel gripping her hips and with a swiftness only a trained assassin had he pulled her down to lay on the bed next to where he had sat. She was breathless as he stood at the edge of the bed hovering over her.

"I didn't stutter." He said kneeling down letting his right hand hook behind her knee. "I don't think I've checked up on this wound recently." He observed slowly bringing her leg up and letting his mouth ghost over the flesh of her inner thigh.

"Should probably do that." She whispered anticipating his touch. He kissed the skin trailing up and down her thigh never getting close to her womanhood. He stopped briefly to actually look at the scar she had gotten days ago and once his inspection was done rested the leg over his shoulder grabbing her hip with his left hand he took a deep breath making sure to not hurt her with the metal appendage as he kissed along her thigh trailing up never stopping this time. Mila grabbed the metal hand when his tongue licked up her slit making her breath hitch. It was like riding a bike for Bucky, his muscle memory worked just like it had when they were dancing. He continued to let his tongue work her opening and she began to grip at his metal hand letting whimpers escape. "B-buck." She moaned. Slowly his flesh hand trailed up the outside of her thigh and ghosted its way down to her entrance slipping one finger in she jerked her hips. Bucky let his mouth move to suck her clit moving his tongue in circles while his finger moved in and out of her. "Don't stop." Mila let out letting her fingers get tangled in his long locks. She took in the feeling of his stubble against her thighs, his finger was joined by another stretching her, and his mouth kept pushing her to the edge. He let his grip on her hip tighten hearing her moan was driving him insane. He wanted to take his time and let her unravel beneath him, but the way she reacted he knew he didn't have much time left before she would reach ecstasy. He worked his tongue spelling out his feelings using the Russian alphabet cursing himself for not being a man of words as she arched her back when he spelled the word 'love' with its Cyrillic letters. His fingers started pumping into her deeper and quicker as her grip on the bedsheet beneath her turned her knuckles white. "Bucky, mmmore." She pleaded so close to her release. He almost lost control at her begging but he didn't want to test his limits tonight. So instead he moved the cool metal hand up under the towel and making her hips buck into him at the touch. His metal hand found her breast and massaged it adding to her moans. Her walls tightened around his fingers as he kept up his pace her hips beginning to move with his hand. It was a beautiful sensory overload for Mila as she came over the edge panting out Bucky's name. He slowly slid his fingers out of her and gently kissed up her leg and stood only to use his hands to prop himself up above her tired form while he hovered.

"Want to check my wounds next?" He asked. Mila smiled and let her hand lightly rub his left shoulder.

"Won't be as fun as checking mine." She commented wrapping her tired legs around his waist. He laughed and unhooked her legs standing up.

"I think we should quit while we're ahead." Mila pouted and sat up making her eye level with the tightness of his jeans.

"Is that _really_ what you think?" She asked tugging at his belt. Bucky grabbed her hands and didn't know if he could take much more without throwing her back against the bed.

"Yes." He lied closing his eyes. Mila pursued her lips and used the belt loops on his jeans to latch her fingers in as she stood up making sure her hips butted up against his. She leaned in close to his ear still slightly tugging on those belt loops.

"Liar." She whispered mirroring his earlier comment. She walked away to her bag leaving him standing there catching his breath from trying to compose himself. She had her back to him the towel being held up by her hands as she dug through her backpack getting out what would pass as sleep wear for the night. Her underwear and a loose tank top. Slipping the underwear on Bucky noticed how dangerously high the towel rode up the back of her thighs and he needed to find a distraction. He bent down to put his journal back on the bed but when he stood back up the towel was in a pile around her feet as she pulled the tank top down over her head. He closed his eyes and moved to the bathroom hoping that by not seeing her it would stop him from taking her on every flat surface he could find. He knew what would happen then. He would hurt her. He would hold her hand too tight and break her fingers. He would leave bruises all over her body. He was given this life to destroy empires not worship a woman's body. When he was stripped of all his clothes he looked down at himself. God, he didn't know what she had planned to do with him if he hadn't suggested they quit, but he could only imagine it would be sinful. He sighed contemplating his options, he could fix it himself, go back out there to Mila, or take a cold shower. He crossed the latter option off because after spending too long in cryogenic freeze he hated being reminded of cold. He looked into the mirror his breaths becoming deeper. He couldn't call her back in here, it would be too harmful. He looked at his bandaged shoulder, oh it would be so easy to call her in to check the wound. He groaned. Damn it all to hell was all he could think.

Mila couldn't remove the smile from her face no matter how hard she tried. She was humming any song that came to mind as she moved over to the bed and looked at the page in his journal that was flipped open. She read some of the lines trying to figure out how well he was coming back to being his old self.

 _Betty and I made love after I proposed and we spent half the night laughing and the other half in bliss._ _We were in love, truly in love. Betty was right about what love is. Not always perfect but we laugh it off. I know one day if my mind gets better we can get be like that again, but I'm too afraid to hurt her. She is not fragile by any means but I know I can't control myself. I wouldn't be able to live with hurting her after all she has done for me. We just danced to I Can't Believe that You're in Love with me and that's how I feel. How could she still have any affection for me when I am a monster?_

Mila closed the pages not wanting to invade anymore on his privacy. At least his hesitance was rational. She crawled on the bed grabbing her Ipod from where she had set it down and started playing some songs from later decades. It was soothing. She laid on the pillow with her back to the bathroom shimmying under the sheets. There was enough room for Bucky and she hoped he noticed or else she would drag his ass to sleep in this bed. When she thought she would drift off she heard a banging against something and quickly jumped to the door.

"Buck you ok?" She asked knocking on the door. Bucky caught his breath looking up at the shower wall he cracked with his metal fist. If there was ever assurance needed to not sleep with Mila this was it. He was midway thought taking care of his own problem and the dent in the wall looked like a black spider web.

"I'm fine." He panted continuing to let the water fall and hit his back .

"You sure?" She inquired from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, you wanna come in and check my shoulder?" He said turning the water off. Mila opened the door as he stepped out in all his muscular glory still sporting his hard on. Mila's breath caught in her throat taking the scene in.

"Just your shoulder huh?" She asked looking at every dip of every muscle letting her eyes linger at his hips. He was still as handsome as she remembered. More so maybe with all the extra training he had been forced to take on over the years. He stepped closer to her tilting his head.

"For a nurse, you sure don't know anatomy well. My shoulder is up here." He commented lightly grabbing her chin.

"I know anatomy very well." She offered grabbing his length making his breath hitch. He placed his left hand on her shoulder.

"Mila." Her eyes snapped open and she seemed disoriented.

"Mila." Bucky's voice came again. She turned over in the bed and found Bucky standing over her dressed in not but boxers. His hair was still wet and his skin seemed to glisten. Mila sat up shaking her head. She just had a very vivid dream about him in the bathroom and now he was here and she could tell she was redder than a damn fire truck. Her dream left her too flustered.

"What Buck?" She asked breathlessly.

"Can you check my shoulder. I got the bandages wet and it started bleeding." Mila snapped her eyes to the shoulder and noticed he held a towel to it. She threw the blankets off and got the first aid kit from her bag instructing him to go to the bathroom. Her focus solely on Bucky's well-being not her naughty dream. He was leaning against the counter when she came in and his shoulder bare. A look of confusion struck her when she saw the shoulder was unbandaged but not bleeding. None of the cuts had opened like he said.

"Buck it's fine." She said setting the first aid kit down on the counter behind him.

"I know." He said full of confidence.

"So what did…. You sly bastard." She said upset playfully smacking him in the chest. He smiled a genuine smile that she remembered him having plastered on his face all the time when they were together. He snaked his arms around her waist and cupped her bottom pulling her close against him.

"I won't deny it."

"I'm curious, once you had me in here what was it you planned on doing?" She asked tracing her fingers along the healing wounds on his shoulder.

"Didn't plan it out that far." He mused watching her. In truth he wanted to apologize for shutting her out so quickly and not just letting himself go. The old Bucky wouldn't have hesitated to have his girl spend the whole night tangled in bedsheets.

"Guess we'll go with the flow." She purred running her finger along his collar bone. It made him shiver a bit but he gently grabbed her hand stopping her.

"Look, I am sorry I am not the guy you used to be in love with. I don't know how painful it is for you to keep looking at me expecting me to just snap into a role I used to play but it kills me knowing how much it must hurt you." Mila gave a half smile and let her head rest on his chest listening to the unevenness of his heartbeat. He was nervous.

"I'm not heartbroken over the fact. I know it will take you time. Most of the time I'm more upset with myself for pushing you to recover so quickly. I mean what you did earlier was a big step and I am glad you took it." She looked up at him to see his smirk. He did enjoy making her moan and move under his touch.

"Pleased to please ya." He winked making her giggle. If only for a brief while they could forget about Hydra hunting them and their names plastered around the world as dangerous criminals, they would soak it up.

"It looks like it's healing well." Mila commented looking back to his shoulder. Brushing her finger tips against the red edges.

"Well I have this great nurse who takes care of me." He said playing with her hair with his flesh hand learning his mistake from earlier.

"You know I haven't been a real nurse in like 60 years right?"

"I couldn't piece that together by you working in a museum." He joked chuckling. She glared briefly at him and flicked him in the nose.

"You punk."

"Tell me something I don't know."

After a brief argument Bucky and Mila found themselves both asleep in the bed. Mila stated how dumb it was that he wouldn't sleep with her after what he did do. When he couldn't play the gentleman card either he gave in and laid in the bed giving her ample space. Mila only cuddled closer to him draping an arm over his chest absently trailing her finger on the scars Hydra had left on his shoulder years ago.

"We'll have to leave tomorrow evening." Bucky observed staring at the ceiling. Mila hummed an acknowledgement. "We can't stay long anywhere, you know that."

"I know. It just sucks." She stated. Bucky let out a deep breath.

"Yeah. One day. When my brain is fixed, we can go hide away on a deserted island."

"Sounds like a plan." She murmered drifting in and out. "I'll go get breakfast in the morning. You can get supplies….. rendezvous here at 09:00 hours." She barely got the words out before she fell asleep. Bucky could feel her breathing even out and he traced circles on her back taking in how relaxed he was. There was no comparing this moment. He had his girl in his arms, she felt safe. The only thing to make it perfect was being on that deserted island safe from Hydra. He closed his eyes hoping he wouldn't have night terror like he had the night before. It had been a good night and he wanted to keep it that way.

 _Mila stood in a floor length black gown with cut outs at the sides to show off her curves. Her face stoic as a pair of hands appeared on her shoulders in the mirror._

 _"What do you think?" Came a voice she knew belonged to a hydra man._

 _"I suppose it will work." She said._

 _"You don't like it? I saw it and all I could think was how well those curves would look in it." Those hands moved down her shoulders to her hips and one smacked her ass making her perk up a little. "I'm so damn jealous of Pierce. He gets to have you on his arm all night and I'll be on the sidelines thinking about our training." Rumlow moved to stand in front of her he cupped her face and kissed her on the lips. She returned it only because that's what she was supposed to do. Not that she had a say in what she wanted, not the way they molded her. He pulled back and rested his hands on her hips. "It's a shame they wasted all this talent on him. I could find so many more uses for you than a retriever." He mused rubbing the flesh that laid bare due to the dresses design. "You look fucking ravishing." He whispered pulling her hips against his._

 _"Thank you." She whispered. His intentions were clear, he wanted her. She couldn't even think to be repulsed by him. Every strand of free will was pulled from her, she was a machine in a woman's body. She only complied._

 _"I suppose you better hang that back on the rack kitten. Don't want to get it wrinkled before the mission." He reached his hand to unzip the dress and slowly slipped it off of her letting it pool at her feet. Her underwear was the only thing giving her modesty. "Maybe I should test your skills one more time and make sure you're ready for this mission." He began kissing her neck and her only response was hitched breath. If she could scream she would have. She would have fought him, it would have been too easy to win against him. Yet all she could do was allow him to continue kissing her._

 _"Don't leave marks. Pierce will be upset." She stated. He chuckled darkly against her skin making her shiver._

 _"Right." He stopped and grabbed the waist band of her underwear giving it a snap before walking out of the walk-in closet at Pierce's home slamming the door behind him._

Mila woke up startled and looked down at the arm around her. She stayed still trying to piece together where she was. It was Bucky close to her not Rumlow. She sighed and slipped out of his hold she heard him mumble. She sat at the edge of the bed and tried to block all the images of Rumlow doing the same things Bucky had and getting the same reactions. She clamped her hands around the nape of her neck and focused on not crying. Hydra without doubt won when it came to controlling her. She had the Red Room to thank for the programmable technology still in her skull. She spent months trying to sort through her thoughts, she had never said no, her body welcomed it so was it assault? If she didn't have technology hooked and prodded into every lobe of her brain she would have fought back. She felt a hand rubbing her back and stiffened.

"You alright?" Bucky whispered. Mila shook her head. She walked around the room trying to find her bag in the dark.

"I'm going out." She stated flatly.

"I'll go with you." Bucky said getting up. She turned around and glared at him, realizing he probably couldn't see the threating stance she took.

"No. I need to be alone. I don't want you near me. I have to clear my head." She started rambling putting on her shorts and rain jacket. Bucky got up and walked over to her silently.

"Mila it's not safe." She jumped upon hearing him and noting how close he was. She could tell he was hurt by her sudden shut out.

"Well I need this right now. I can just feel everything closing in on my right now. There is all this tension in my back and I swear this room is shrinking. Just let me go for an hour or two please. If you shadow me it won't help." She said walking towards the door. Bucky grabbed her shoulder to try and reason with her but she just pushed him back into the wall momentarily forgetting this was not Rumlow. "Don't touch me!" She yelled walking out. Bucky stayed against the wall he was pushed into breathing heavy. What the hell had happened to her? He wanted to chase after her but she made it very clear she wanted him as far from her as possible. He said to give her an hour or two. He flipped on the lights trying to find the clock in the room. If she wasn't back by four he would burst out of the room and hunt her down regardless of what she wanted. Bucky put his clothes on and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his possible mission.

….

Mila kept flashing back to Rumlow and the training he provided her. It was disgusting what men would do. She had heard that he was a double agent and worked within SHIELD. She wondered if he ever got to work with her friend Captain America. She wondered if he tried to befriend him and listened to Steve tell stories about her during the war while Rumlow would think about all the things he did with Steve's war buddy. It angered her that he got away with what he did. She stopped walking around the city and punched one of the old city walls. It hurt her but it took her mind off of her thoughts as she took in the damage to the wall. The Red Room's work hadn't worn off over the years, she was still too strong for her own good. She was supposed to be a killer. She didn't want that, she didn't want anything that had come into her life after 1946. She kept walking trying to out run her pity party. She began crying and hated herself more. Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't she have just lived out her day like Rebecca had? Maybe she would have joined Peggy and worked for the S.S.R. but no she made one dumb mistake and her life changed for the worse. She cried more thinking about her worst crime they forced her to do. Their test. She let a sob escape and clutched her arms digging her nails into her skin. God she hated herself. She heard a noise ahead and snapped her head up. She saw a cat was just jumping onto a trashcan. The animal let out a meow making Mila even more angry. Didn't that cat know how dangerous she was? She knew she had to get back to Bucky, he would be worried and she didn't want to hate herself for making him worry any more than he was. She flipped the cat off just to make herself feel a little better and turned right into the hulking form of a man.

"I don't think Mittens deserved that." He said raising a gun and shot her before she could move. She fell backwards and hit her head making the effects of the icer gun that much worse for later. The man hauled her over his shoulder and walked down to his vehicle tying her up in the back with every piece of equipment that could be used for the task. He buckled her in and had a thought. He should let Rumlow know he had her, maybe he would pay to have a meeting with her. Hydra could wait a day or two to have her. He took a picture and sent a message to Rumlow and started his engine ready to take her back to his rendezvous point.

…

Bucky only gave it an hour before he began his search. He could deal with her being pissed. He couldn't deal with her being gone. What if she took off because he wasn't her Bucky and she realized in her dream that he could never be that guy. That had to be why she didn't want him around. If she wouldn't tell him goodbye face to face he wasn't going to prolong it. He walked out of the room with one of the pistols they stole tucked into his waistband. He made sur to load it and put the safety on before leaving.

The town was eerily quiet, maybe the occasional dog would bark but it was nothing. Then he heard crying down the street. A loud sob that he knew was Mila's. He would just shadow her until she went back to the hotel or left him. He walked around the building but found he couldn't get to the street he needed because of a wall. He saw a cat walking back and forth along the wall and he glared at it in the moon light. It was taunting him. The cat jumped off the wall and onto something metal. He silently walked around the buildings to make it back to a place where he could see Mila and then he heard a shot, not a loud one but it was unmistakably a gun firing. Bucky sprinted off finding the wall continued for two blocks. By the time he rounded the corner there was no one in the street. He ran down finding the alleys empty and no lead of where the noise came from.

"C'mon Mila." He muttered stopping for a moment to look for any sign of direction. He heard a car starting and rushed in the direction of it. It was a small black car. He tore the driver door off and the innocent citizen started rambling in Italian about all the possessions they had in the house, just please leave the children alone they were going on vacation. Bucky looked in the back seat and saw there were two children with a suitcase crammed between them asleep and their mother looking panicked in the passenger seat. Bucky set the door down and backed away he was a damn monster. He bolted down another alley where a black SUV nearly hit him as he emerged from the alley. Looking at it, the windows were tinted and the license plate read a certain code. It followed the same pattern Hydra issued vehicles normally did. Two letters, two numbers, and ended in a JS. Bucky knew he couldn't catch the vehicle but he had to try. He ran after the SUV as it went downhill trying to get back to the main road. If he made it there, he wouldn't be able to catch Mila. Bucky pulled the pistol out and took the safety off aiming for the tires knowing there was no pointing in wasting bullets on the windows. Return fire met him as he was shot in the side. He stopped running and aimed again trying to pull the trigger but the vehicle was making its way to the road. He groaned grabbing at his side but when he tried to step forward the pain hit him and he collapsed. Looking up the car drove away and he whispered her name thinking it would make the car turn around and deliver her. His heart stopped. He had to get out of here and back to the car to at least try and follow them. With his side bleeding he would need to stop it before he passed out of blood loss, he would be no use if he was dead. He got to his feet and ignored the pain enough long enough to make it back to the hotel to get the rest of his weapons and attempt to patch himself up. He opened the kit in the bathroom and lifted his shirt hissing. The bullet went right through his side missing anything vital and his ribs. At least he had that going for him. He looked around the kit and got the supplies to do a quick enough job to gather his shit and go. He knew Mila would have done a better job. She would have taken her time and done everything right. But she wasn't here and it wasn't the first time he had to patch himself up in the field. He stopped briefly to think about his next actions.

Was he really going to go back into Hydra's grasp to save her? He was free now and if they had wanted him they would have chased after him too, but they just took her. He could be truly free if he left now before reinforcements came. He could start his new life be a new man, but what kind of man leaves a lady behind like that? It was suicide to go back to a Hydra compound but he couldn't let her be captured even if it was a trap. He made it into the bedroom and saw her bag sitting on the floor her damp towel next to it and blue journal sticking out of the bag. No, if she was going to leave him she would have taken the bag. He squared his shoulders and grabbed both bags zipping hers as he took the stairs two at a time to make it back to their car. He knew there was a Hydra base about thirty miles out and he had to beat them to it.

* * *

 **AN: Well a lot of shit just went down (including Bucky. haha jokes) but let me know how that left you feeling in a review. Reviews fuel me.**


	15. Truths Hidden in Lies

**AN: Thank you for your support for this story. I own nothing obviously. Thank you for your follows and faves. I hope I didn't break your hearts by having mila stolen. We see a little more into her dark past in this chapter and I hope that is alright with you all. Oh fun times.**

* * *

 _dragging me under_  
 _cutting me down to the bone_  
 _standing on the edge_  
 _Falling for a rollin' stone_

 _'Cause nothing good comes after midnight_  
 _Ain't no good love come from pain_

 _After Midnight- Dorthy_

* * *

Mila woke up with a pounding migraine and felt like throwing up. She opened her eyes slowly and saw the back of a car seat. Panic set in but she remained still. She needed to take inventory of the situation before she let anyone know she was awake. Funny how somethings the Red Room trained her with still stuck. She had a pain in her chest but nothing too bad, bruising maybe. Her head hurt which was causing the nausea and light-headiness. She flexed her arms but they were tied behind her with something looking down at herself as best she could without moving her head, she was tied up from shoulders to claves in all matter of bindings. Whoever took her obviously knew her reputation. She tried moving her fingers to see if something could be untied but there were two metal clasps around her wrists preventing her from much movement. She peered out the tinted windows best she could and couldn't see anything as the SUV drove on. To make it brief: She was fucked. There was no way she could fight a threat so she would have to wait until she got out of the car. She let out a deep breath and saw the driver turn around to look at her. She kept her eyes focused on the back of the seat.

"Oh good you're awake. Kind of a disappointment, I remember you putting up a hell of a bigger fight in the past."

"Fuck off." She deadpanned.

"First the cat now me huh? You are just having a really bad day. Don't worry we will fix that." Mila's heartrate quickened at all the possible meanings of fixing her bad day. She knew the Red Room's device was still implanted in her skull so it would take nothing but the proper programing and a few new pieces probably to turn her back into the hallow killer she was. Yeah they could fix her bad day and make it a worse day. "You got an old friend that wants to catch up with you."

"I don't have friends."

"Oh really? What about the Asset?"

"So you're Hydra?" She pieced it out. Hydra referred to him as the Asset and the Red Room would call him the Winter Solider.

"Something like that. Bit of a crossover like you and your one-armed friend. Your ex who wants to see you was Hydra though. I think you'll remember him. He definitely remembers you. Brock Rumlow?" Mila felt her heart drop into her stomach making her want to vomit all over the leather seat. If she never saw that man again it would have been a blessing but her life was not known for having an overabundance of blessings. "I'm curious to know how you two are connected. In the Red Room it was clear we couldn't touch you, apparently when we gave you to Hydra they didn't follow the rules we put in place." Mila closed her eyes. He was trying to piss her off and it was working. She looked at the rearview mirror and saw his eyes. He was the same man who called Bucky away to missions when he was in the Red Room working for Hydra he brought Mila out of Cryo freeze and would prep her for missions. He was tasked with making sure the insurance policy for corporation (Mila) was taken care of. His loyalties now laid with Hydra after the Red Room was destroyed over ten years ago. Mila hated him regardless of which organization gave him the orders to kill and retrieve.

…

Bucky sped down the highway until he saw red and blue lights behind him. He knew it was dumb to open fire in the city. They would of course call the police and every officer would be on alert for any suspicious activity. Bucky pulled over letting the cop pull up behind him. He would have more fire power in his car that Bucky would need. He let the cop come up to the driver's window and asked Bucky to get out of the car while holding a gun out at him. Cleary the officer wasn't going to chance anything. If only he knew how high his chances were of not making it out of this traffic stop ok were. Bucky complied and got out holing his hands in the air. The officer took notice of the shiny appendage Bucky left uncovered in his haste to follow Mila's trail. The officer reached for his radio on his vest when Bucky quickly disarmed the officer taking the gun and aiming it at him. The man tried to reach something else to protect himself with from his belt but Bucky pistol whipped the man knocking him out. Bucky took long strides to the car switching off the lights and grabbing the rifle and spare revolver in the car. He looked back at the officer on the ground and sighed. He needed to put him the car to buy himself more time, surely someone would notice an officer down a lot quicker if he was outside of his car. Throwing him in the driver's seat Bucky looked at his tool belt and saw a taser gun. He grabbed that too and shut the door leaving the man in the car. He put his own car back in gear kicking up gravel as he sped off. He had about ten more miles before he would make it to the nearest Hydra safe house. Even if Hydra wasn't the party responsible for taking Mila it would have enough resources to find her. His grip on the steering wheel tightened thinking about the possibility of not finding her or worse, the Red Sentinel finding her. He remembered the time he was captured by the Sentinel and he tried to put up a fight.

 _The mission was simple enough; kill the rouge Saudi Arabian ruler who thought he could screw Hydra over. Looking down his scope he saw that his kill shot was successful. No one would be the wider of the assassination until his guards would come by for their thirty minute rotations. He put his rifle back in the holster on his back and began his decent back down from the roof of the building. He had been waiting for the shot for the past month, missions didn't take that long but he had been under such tight security and Hydra wanted it as inconspicuous as possible. But in all his waiting he was starting to have flashbacks of falling off a train, fighting with a band of men, and some girl giving him kisses. There were no names but he knew he was now fighting for the wrong cause. He stopped in his decent down the stairs and began thinking how easy he could just take the other exit from the building get lost in the market crowd and disappear. Hydra was clearly withholding information from him and he needed to sort it out. He couldn't even attempt to pick through the flicker film that was his brain if he was at the Hydra compound, he couldn't dig through files if he was there. Hydra did not tolerate discord and the messes he would no doubt create. His latest kill was proof that you stuck to your commitment with Hydra._

 _He swallowed the small fear he had that Hydra would come after him by sending in the Sentinel. Surely they had the machine stationed somewhere shadowing his movements. All he had to do was sneak away from the Sentinel long enough to run. Just as he made it out the front door he was met by a cloaked figure who only had their eyes visible._

 _"Looks like you got lost." They spoke muffled through the cloth blocking their face._

 _"They're lying to me. I need answers." He mistakenly spoke in English. That's how they knew their programing was failing. English was not natural for the asset to speak. He spoke moving away from the obvious threat._

 _"You aren't getting them. Turn around we are going back to the compound." The Sentinel pushed him forcefully back into the open doorway common in this region of the world. Bucky let himself fall into the empty room and when the Sentinel came to continue their assault at getting him to use the back exit where an SUV was waiting he pulled one of his many knives out._

 _"You really think you'll win?" Bucky lunged forward as a response cutting the knife through the air aiming for the figures neck. Narrowly dodging the attack they pulled a scimitar out of their robes dropping them to reveal the skin tight Hydra issued uniform. "Gotta be faster than that." They said ripping the Arabian sword across his middle. The Solider grasped at the wound and saw the blood seeping through his fingers. The Sentinel went to deliver another slice through the air but he put his left arm up to block the blow sending sparks flying as the sword cut the material of his uniform. He moved the arm causing the sword to slide down the arm making a horrible screeching sound. Bucky flipped his knife to his other hand and took a jab at the Sentinel's shoulder hoping to carve their arm out just like Hydra had done to him but they blocked it with the blade of their sword. The Sentinel raised their right foot to kick him back but he quickly pulled his bigger knife from his side. While Sentinel got a well-placed kick in was not without pain. Bucky had plunged the knife in the back of their thigh carving the skin like a turkey dinner as their leg dropped with a cry of pain. "God fucking damn it. Why don't you just listen!" The Sentinel said kneeling while blood poured from their wound. Bucky laid on the ground form the force of the kick. The Solider grabbed his pistol from his hip and aimed it at the threat. As he let off his shots the Sentinel ducked and rolled throughout the empty building leaving splatters of blood on the floor. When Bucky ran out of ammo he went to grab his other handgun only to find it was gone. The Sentinel stood and charged at him with a slight limp, clearly the beast was working on adrenaline. Bucky tried getting up but as he got to his knees he became involved in a hand to hand fight. Bucky landed a hard blow to the Sentinels cheek which only fueled the fire they seemed to fight with. The Sentinel head butted Bucky as hard as possible knocking him out cold._

He could never escape that damn creature Hydra created. He could fight the Sentinel until their last breath and they would die fighting Bucky. If the Sentinel was hunting him again he couldn't imagine the things they would do to Mila to get her to talk. She was trained in the Red Room and by Hydra so she knew how to handle torture, which meant for it to work they would need to be creative. Bucky pushed harder on the accelerator knowing he would murder anyone he saw at the safe house that wasn't Mila.

…

"It's ironic you're the one to find him once he went missing don't you think." The agent said from the driver's seat. Mila was still stuck in her bindings the only satisfaction she got was ignoring the man's questions. "I don't understand what gives, he's a machine. He doesn't feel a thing. Though I suspect you know all about that." All Mila could do was create a 7/11 breathing pattern. If she got worked up she'd have an anxiety attack which would not help her at all. She could maybe get him to give up some helpful information by striking up a conversation. The Red Room was very skilled at getting information from a suspect.

"So you are using me as bait?"

"Gotta find some use of you."

"What if he doesn't come?" She questioned knowing he would likely track her down. She was late coming back to the hotel room after all.

"That's alright, we have you and because you're alive I know we can reprogram you." Mila looked up at him through the rearview mirror and he was looking for her reaction. He got the one he wanted, fear. "Don't get too frazzled we lack the technology where we are going. But when we make it back to the base you'll be our perfect little machine. Ultimately if I have you I have him."

"You people are fucking sick." She muttered.

"As opposed to the Red Room? I know what they did to you there. Gave you that serum, made you our toy, and the way they tested for success? Having you kill your own nephew. I heard he was only four and he didn't stop crying until you put the bullet in his skull." Mila started crying. She couldn't help it. He was right. Hydra may have been sick but the Red Room could be much worse when it came to molding you. His crying still haunted her some nights but the nightmares were worse when she imagined John all grown up and still dying. Mila looked all around herself trying to ground herself but it wouldn't work. Tension built up in her back and her breathing became labored. The weight of all her crimes came crashing down on her chest and she turned her head just in time to throw up the contents of her stomach on the floor. "Fuck. What'd you go and do that for?" Mila groaned. "Now we got to make a pit stop. I ain't smelling that for the next five hours." Five hours, assuming she had only been out for thirty minutes because it was still dark out, she tried to think of all the possible places this base could be. "Oh, the Red Room still thinks you're the best thing they ever did. Even better than that damn red head prodigy."

"Do you talk just to hear your own voice?" Mila asked rolling onto her back. She felt like shit but that didn't mean her defiant spirit ,born long before the war, would waiver. "Because it's a terrible sound, sounds like a little dog yapping, a lot like a little bitch actually." She added for insult.

"God I hope the boys in Sarajevo have everything prepped to fix you. I like you more when your compliment. So will Rumlow. He was in contact while you were sleeping, said to drop you off in a little city in Bulgaria once we're done." Perfect. Two answers she needed.

"You'll be dead before then." She said closing her eyes trying to remain focused on blocking the pain from her head.

"Wouldn't count your blessings for that."

…

Bucky made it to the little Hydra Compound hidden by the simplicity of an old gas station. There was an underground bunker here and he couldn't see any cars nor any tire tracks from cars coming. He had beat them here which meant he had the element of surprise. He parked the car behind the building and gathered all his weapons walking into the garage part of the gas station. If he took her in the SUV he would no doubt take the SUV down in the bunker as well. There wasn't anything to hide behind in there but if Bucky stood by the door he could at least have the element of surprise and catch a ride down into the bunker and kill the man then.

It wasn't log after Bucky formulated his plan that the door to the garage opened and bright car lights filled the garage. Bucky clung to the shadows of the back corner. As the car pulled in Bucky noticed the driver didn't even spare a glance his way. Probably more concerned for getting the car in the garage to get access to the bunker. The car was put in park and the engine turned off. Odd. He heard the clicking of the car locks. Without hesitance Bucky grabbed the police man's revolver from his side and aimed it at the driver's door. The second the man opened the door Bucky clicked the safety off and waited for his chance. The man placed his foot on the ground and pulled his body out alongside grumbling about the smell of the car. When he slammed the door shut Bucky pulled the trigger, he didn't want a kill shot. He needed answers. The man hit the ground clutching his thigh a string of curses flying out.

Mila didn't know who had found them, but a shot ringing out definitely meant said party was packing. Until she knew if it was friend or foe she decided to stay put with her mouth shut. That was until the car door by her head opened. She looked up and saw Bucky revolver in hand and a look she had only seen when he was on missions on his face. It didn't soften at all when he pulled her out of the car tearing the rope bindings off of her. He needed them for someone else. With his metal hand he snapped the metal clasps off of her wrists making her sigh with relief.

"Happy to see you too Bucky." She muttered holding onto his shoulders for balance as he continued to get the rest of the rope off of her frame. He didn't speak. He slipped back into the void and Mila could tell. "What are you planning?" She asked not afraid for the man but afraid for Bucky. He would hate himself after whatever tortures he came up with in his mind.

"I'm planning on getting answers." Bucky said dragging the man who had to have at least a hundred pounds on Bucky to the nearest pipe in the garage. The man quickly maneuvered out of Bucky's hold on his shoulder holster and stood as tall as he could with a bleeding leg getting into a fighting stance pulling the gun from his hip. It wasn't an icer, no the asset was much too big of a threat. He needed to injure him first and let the doctors patch him up later.

"Well if it isn't the Asset doing what he does best." The man said with a sly smile. Bucky pulled the revolver on the man and shot him in the other leg making him crouch down to his knees. He let out his five shots in anger missing the Solider with every shot due to his unfocused rage. That allowed Bucky to get close again and put the man in a chokehold.

"Answer my questions and maybe you get to live." The man let out a chuckle.

"Please, you don't know mercy. We didn't program you with that. You are a ruthless killer, that's all you'll ever be." Bucky contained his anger he would use it when he tortured the man for answers. He drug him, left arm wrapped around his neck, back to the pipe to tie him up and he watched as two pools of blood began forming where he sat. Bucky kneeled in front of the man.

"How many units are looking for me?"

"A few." Bucky stepped on the bullet wound on the man's leg making him cry out in pain. Mila watched from behind the door and knew she needed to stop Bucky before things got worse. "Five." He panted out.

"Where are their bases?" He asked.

"You know there are more out looking for her now that we know she's alive." He nodded to Mila who stepped out from the door and tried to find a gun to just shoot the man.

"Why?" Bucky asked. Mila already knew the answer. The man laughed again.

"Jesus man, how bad did they fuck up your brain? No wonder you two are getting along so swell, here I thought you just had great make-up sex." Bucky wrapped his left hand around the man's thick neck. Mila's heartbeat quickened as she looked for a gun. She found a rifle leaning up in the corner. She moved to grab it.

"What the hell does that mean?" Bucky muttered.

"Oh no this is much more fun. Watching you meltdown because you don't know what should be obvious." He said with shallowed breath.

"Tell me." Bucky took one of his last shots and aimed it at his arm. "Where is Hydra's damn dog? Where is the Sentinel!" He asked squeezing the trigger. The man looked surprised.

"Really? You don't know?" He asked bemused by the Soldier's question. He glanced over Bucky's frame and found Mila. "He doesn't know?" He asked Mila. Her face took on a dark expression much like Bucky's and she aimed the rifle right between his eyes and pulled the trigger not fazed by his death in the slightest. Bucky looked back at Mila clearly pissed. Mila didn't care. He was talking to get reactions not give Bucky answers.

"What the hell! Now we don't know where the one thing trying to kill us is."

"Yes we do. He was taking me to Sarajevo. I don't know what's there, but they apparently have some good tech there." Mila said pointing the muzzle of her rifle down on the ground lightly leaning on it.

"It's a new Hydra base. They started building it five years ago, apparently they finished construction. But that doesn't help us at all. He would have given answers!" Mila shook her head.

"No he was talking trying to get you to snap. He would have bled out before you got anything out of him!"

"Bullshit! You killed our only lead! Now we have to go into a base full of Hydra agents to find the Sentinel." Bucky was enraged as he approached her yelling.

"Well, it's not like we haven't had worse odds." She pointed out trying to remain calm in the face of a man so close to snapping.

"I'm tired of having worse odds. I want to figure out what is going on in my head without the fear of someone capturing me and fucking it all up again! You have no idea-"

"You know I do." She said sternly. Bucky gritted his teeth and looked back at the dead body then back to Mila.

"Why would there be so many Hydra units looking for you?" He shot.

"I don't know! He was probably talking shit trying to get you to turn on your only ally. You should have heard him talking to me in the car. Wasn't exactly a pleasant stroll down memory lane." She said shouldering past him to open the driver door. She looked under the console and found the tracking device that came in all Hydra vehicles. She worked at taking it out of the car while Bucky stood towering over her.

"Why did you leave the hotel?" He said crossing his arms. Mila sighed pulling a wire from the dash.

"I had a nightmare." She wrapped the loose wires around the device and fiddled with it in her hands. She knew he would want an explanation. "It was about one of my last 'missions' for Hydra." She said with air quotes. She looked up at him and his look urged her to go on. "I had to escort Alexander Pierce to a ball, but they had an agent train me for everything being a date entailed. His name was Rumlow. He told me exactly what Pierce liked and what I should do. It was disgusting." She started tearing up playing more with the wires. "I didn't even have free will enough to be repulsed at the time. I just complied, that's what they did to me. A machine in a woman's body. I remember everything they did to me." She sputtered out dropping the tracking device and cursing. Her anxiety was starting back up and the tension in her back was contrasting to the weight she felt in her chest.

"So why did you run?" He asked crouching down and picking up the device.

"I couldn't shake the feeling of his hands on me. My thoughts were clouded, I thought you were him." She spoke letting tears fall. Bucky offered her the device and stood.

"Well, I won't make you any promises that I won't be a monster. Our friend is proof of that. But I won't lay a hand on you like that without invitation." She took the device and gave a half smile her breathing was slowing.

"So what now?" She said finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes. He was much calmer than before the darkness fled from his blue eyes.

"We gotta hunt them down before they come for us." Bucky said looking distant.

"It'll be like old times." She mused trying to make light of the situation. She stood and chucked the device against the wall.

"What do you mean?" He asked walking over to the wall where a hidden panel would allow him walk-in access to the bunker below.

"Back when you were a Howling Commando and we took down Hydra bases all over Europe." A small piece of the floor opened to a set of stairs that hadn't been used in a decade or more by the looks of it.

"We did?" He asked pausing from his original mission to grab all the supplies he could from the bunker.

"Yeah. You go get the supplies, I'll clean the car, and I'll tell you all about it."

 **AN: Ok so the next couple of chapters will be more flash backs about them working during the war to bring down Hydra with snipets of them doing it in the present. We just need some more lighter Bucky/Mila as opposed to this darker one eh? Let me know what you think in a review.**


	16. Looking Out For You

**_AN: Thank you for your support!_**

 ** _to_** abstract0118 : I'm glad you think they are cute, probably think they are even cuter in this chapter.

 _you're a safe place_  
 _When I run away_  
 _You're the only home I know_  
 _I'm still runnin'_  
 _I'm still runnin'_

 _So when my bones come tumblin' in_  
 _Oh I did it to myself_  
 _Will you still let me in_

 _Will you give me shelter_

 _From myself_

 _Bucky sat at a bar with Steve nursing his glass of bourbon that his doctor definitely warned him against drinking. After everything he went through at the Hydra base and Steve getting them lost in the Italian countryside, he thought for sure he earned this drink._

 _"Look man those guys in there are dumb enough, they'll join." Bucky mused tipping his glass back._

 _"Why don't you go ask then?" Steve asked grabbing his shoulder. "Isn't dumb your native language?" Bucky smirked laughing and swatted Steve's arm off of him and nodded his head to the other end of the London pub._

 _"Get in there you lug." He ordered. Steve got up and pointed a finger at Bucky._

 _"Since when do Sergeants give orders to a Captain?" He asked._

 _"Since they promoted the stupidest punk in the army." Steve hummed at his joke._

 _"Don't talk about yourself like that Buck." Steve smiled and gave his friend a pat on the back as he walked out to convince these men Bucky talked so highly of to join him in the S.S.R.'s newest unit. Those men stood their ground and proved their worth in the Hydra base long before Steve broke them free. Bucky was only with the men for about a week before his mouth and fight to get out of there landed him on Zola's lab table. Bucky shuddered at the thought downing his drink and ordering another one. He didn't know what had happened in that lab but he remembered pain and needles. So many tests and bright lights. He also remembered, once he returned, Betty demanding to get a further examination on him once he told her what happened. When she was denied, because Bucky wasn't dead so he must be alright, Betty took his blood herself and kept a close watch on him._

 _This was the first day she wasn't at his side. The past four days were nice seeing her all the time but Betty began to worry the more she looked into his blood samples and couldn't explain some of the compounds. She wasn't a chemist but she knew how normal blood should react and what it was composed of. The first thing she did when they landed in London was give her last two samples of Bucky's blood to the SSR chemists for analysis. She then gave Bucky a kiss on the cheek telling him to hang with Steve and the boys while she visited her sister on the countryside._

 _So here he was hanging with the boys in London. He was happy to spend more time with his best friend and it took his mind off the weight of worry from whatever Betty seemed concerned about. He should have went with her, he should have given his condolences to the lady he had made a widow. He still remembered Raymond jumping in front of him to block that blast from the Hydra weapon. It left nothing of his body, not even the dog tags. He wondered if his widow stayed up thinking about what happened to the body. Bucky took a long swig from his glass hoping to forget about everything Hydra by the night's end. He turned in his bar stool checking in on his friends progress. He could see Steve walking back looking smug._

 _"I told ya. They're all idiots." Bucky said turning back around to take another drink. His best friend sat next to him._

 _"How 'bout you? You ready to follow_ Captain America _into the jaws of death." Bucky still found it funny that his friend, scrawny ol' Steve from Brooklyn was Captain America, the icon from home._

 _"Hell no." He paused making Steve worried. " That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight, I'm following him." Bucky said finally looking at his friend. Steve felt relieved to hear that, he was afraid he was going to refuse after being captured by Hydra once not wanting to risk it again. "But you're keeping the outfit right?" Bucky asked clearly fooling around with him. Steve suppressed his smile and looked back at a poster of himself._

 _"You know what, it's kind of growing on me." He stated while Bucky followed his gaze to the poster. The pair shared a look and then noticed how the pub grew quite. That was unusual. They turned to look into the other half of the pub expecting a threat or a fight but instead they saw Agent Carter looking stunning in a red gown. Bucky wouldn't deny she looked great even though he had a thing for Betty. He wondered if Betty had nice dresses like that. Maybe he would take Betty dancing._

 _"Captain."_

 _"Agent Carter."_

 _"Ma'am." Bucky greeted. He had only seen her three times around the base. She walked past Bucky and paid attention only to Steve. Bucky moved only to get closer to the conversation thinking she was here for business, in which case Bucky was there to protest and get her to dance with his best friend. Surely getting him a date would be a lot easier now that he was Captain America._

 _"Howard has some equipment for you to try tomorrow morning."_

 _"Sounds good." Steve said. Bucky watched the exchange trying to figure out a plan for his best friend._

 _"I see your top squad is prepping for duty." Peggy noted taking in the singing from the other side of the pub. Bucky thought it a little rude, these men after all deserved a night of fun._

 _"You don't like music?" Bucky commented._

 _"I do actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing." She said eyes never leaving Steve. Bucky picked up on her obvious hint and decided to test his theory that this beautiful dame had the hots for Steve._

 _"Then what are we waiting for?" Bucky asked._

 _"The right partner.0800 Captain." She said turning overlooking Bucky as she did so. Bucky was right. This gal was digging on his friend._

 _"Yes ma'am I'll be there." Steve said with a grin._

 _"Either I'm invisible, or she's really into you." Bucky said turning back to the bar._

 _"You're invisible. She can't be into me. Although that is the first time I think I've seen a lady obviously ignoring you." Steve said thinking back to all the times Steve would be ignored while girls were flocking to have a dance with Bucky. Bucky always tried to get a girl to dance with him but Steve would always decline, those girls didn't want to dance with Steve, they wanted to dance with Bucky. They were just being nice and humoring Bucky's requests._

 _"Yeah well, she's got a friend so I ain't too worked up over it." Bucky said taking the last drink from his glass and sliding it to the bartender who refilled it._

 _"Yeah Betty seems like a nice girl. Shame she's hanging around you." Steve said._

 _"You don't get it Steve, she's amazing. She is so different from all those dames in Brooklyn. I see her and my day can't get any better. I see the way she gets treated by everyone because she's a gal but she earns respect like no other. She is compassionate and funny. And this asshole ex of hers. If I ever see that man I'll knock him out for not treating her like she should've been. I just want her to know how valuable she is everyday I'm with her. Spoil her and …." Bucky caught sight of Steve's huge idiot grin. "and I'm rambling like a drunk." Bucky put his head down._

 _"Oh it was adorable Bucky." Steve said pouting out his lip and fluttering his eyes. Bucky chuckled and shook his head._

 _"Damn it Steve you punk."_

 _"Why don't we go tell the boys about the love of your life." Steve said walking back out to socialize with the rest of the men. Bucky grabbed his glass and followed the dumb kid from Brooklyn, just like he had been most his life._

 _…_

 _Betty was rocking her nephew in the recliner in the den. Her sister Eva was fiddling with a sewing project. Apparently John wanted to dress like Captain America, even though they were living in England. John pointed out animals in his book while Betty kept glancing over at her sister. She was still heartbroken even though the funeral had been months ago._

 _"Why don't you go get your pajamas on and we can build a pillow fort?" Betty suggested to John. He closed the book and seemed excited._

 _"Castle!" He exclaimed jumping out of her lap and rushing to his room upstairs. No doubt, even with the few maids around the house, it still felt empty. Betty walked over to her sister and put a comforting hand on her shoulder._

 _"You doing ok sis?" She asked. Eva shrugged her shoulders and looked absently ahead at the recliner Betty was just sitting in._

 _"He used to rock John to sleep in that chair all the time when he was a babe." Betty slumped. She didn't mean for her visit to dampen her sister's mood._

 _"Eva, it'll get better."_

 _"Will it? I keep thinking he's going to send me home a letter from the front lines. Is this what mom felt like?" Eva asked._

 _"No, dad found mom right at the end of the war. They didn't have much of a relationship during the war, except you know as enemies." Betty said elbowing her sister. It was common knowledge to many that their father, General Andrew J. Raden, had found a Russian nurse and took her home as a war trophy, or so they said. Both Raden girls knew better, their love was unmistakable. It was even clearer how much the Russian beauty had calmed the General with her love when she was murdered by a drunk conspiracy theorist who over heard the fact that there was a Communist living amongst them. Betty was 16 and her sister 14. It tore them both up but their father got his mean streak back real quick. He was stricter, never laid a hand on them, but set a whole lot of rules._

 _"What'll happen with John? He's not going to have a dad to teach him how to throw a ball, how to drive, or how to shoot." Eva said depressed._

 _"Eva, I can teach him all those things." Eva gave her sister a half smile appreciating her older sisters efforts to make her feel at ease._

 _"Bet you don't have-"_

 _"MOMMY!" John screamed running into the room his shirt on backwards and letting his bed sheet drag behind him. Eva instantly put on her brave face and looked at her son._

 _"What bubby?" Eva asked dropping the makeshift Captain America uniform she was working on and picked up her son sitting him on her lap._

 _"You play castle too. Betty be dragon." Betty put her hand on her chest mouth agape._

 _"Why am I a dragon?! Do I breath fire? Rarh!" She said putting her hands up and tickling her nephew. He burst out in fits of laughter and she saw her sister genuinely smile for the first time she had been there. John broke free of his aunt's attack and ran to his room to start building his fort. Eva watched the doorway he left through and mumbled and explanation_

 _"Ray was always the dragon. John would be the prince and he would save me from Ray." Eva gave a sad smile to her sister. It broke her heart every time Betty would see her sister put on her brave face. If it wasn't for Betty's selfish request for Raymond to bring Bucky back, he would still be here to play with his son and love his wife._

 _…_

 _Betty made it back to the SSR base around 1:30 that morning and as she was making her way to the bunks she noticed Bucky was also stumbling into his own room. He gave her a nod of acknowledgement and she returned it not really feeling like talking to anyone. Her guilt and playing with her nephew had left her exhausted. It didn't help either that her sister kept her there to cry on her shoulder for an hour. Bucky walked down the hall to her before she could open the door and she could tell he had been drinking. Something the doctor had warned him against. She crossed her arms and leaned against her door._

 _"I see you can't follow a Doctor's orders very well." Her tone was dripping with disappointment._

 _"I listen better when nurses give me orders." He smirked using his arm to prop himself up against the door._

 _"James-" He ducked his head at the use of his first name. "you know better. We don't know what they did to you in there and it-"_

 _"Exactly!" He said removing himself from the door and putting his hands out to help him explain. Clearly he had a few. "You guys don't know what they did to me and I don't either! I was there! It was fucking terrifying!" He tried to stand still to prove the seriousness of his point but he had a gentle sway to him. Betty shook her head and put an arm around his waist._

 _"Let's get you to be." She began ushering him back to his room while he continued his rant._

 _"What if they brainwashed me?! What if they put a radio in my head so they can listen to all our conversations?"_

 _"Let's hope not, because they'll probably think you're crazy." Steve said walking up behind them. Betty sighed a relief. Steve would probably be more of a help to Bucky in this state than she would._

 _"How much did he have?" Betty said letting Steve take her spot by Bucky's side._

 _"Enough." Betty walked ahead and opened his door where Steve set him on his bed._

 _"Gunna take my clothes off for me too?" Bucky asked smirking and winking at his friend. Steve ruffled his hair and pushed him back on the bed._

 _"Get some sleep you jerk." He said walking back out to the hall where Betty was and closed the door behind him._

 _"He's afraid isn't he?" Betty asked looking him in the eyes._

 _"Terrified of what they did to him. the secrecy in the lab doesn't help either." Betty shrugged she could see his point._

 _"well we don't know what happened. They have a lot of unknowns in his blood samples."_

 _"Just be honest with him. That kid puts up with me, I'm sure he can handle whatever the results will be." Steve said making a joke. Betty didn't spend much time with the Steve when they were lost in Italy trying to make it to the airfield but that didn't mean she couldn't now._

 _"So Steve, if that's what us civilians can call you," Steve let out a light laugh at her joke. "How long have you two been friends?" Steve took in a deep breath and looked to the ceiling trying to figure out how long it had been._

 _"Honestly I can't remember Bucky not being there. We went to the same school and these punk kids would always pick on everyone, but I remember before my dad died he told me 'I don't care if you start it, but you better finish it.' So like a good son I listened to my dad and would get into so many fights. I would try to stick up for the girls and the other kids but the bullies would always gang up on me. I figured if they were picking on me they were leaving someone else alone. Of course I was a scrawny kid and Bucky was always there to save me." Steve smiled as he told the story and looked down at the girl his best friend had fallen for. "The first fight was because this little freckle faced boy, Theo Nance, put one of Linda May's pigtails in his ink and she was crying all throughout arithmetic. So during recess, I confronted him on the playground and he pushed me back over a swing. I fell on my back and Bucky who was sitting the swing over got up and started shoving Theo right back. The teacher pulled us all apart and Bucky and I've been inseparable since." Betty nodded her head and looked down the hall._

 _"Sounds like a hell of a friend."_

 _"He is."_

 _" Well, Want to go grab a midnight snack and you can tell me all about this crazy idiot trying to go steady with me?" Steve nodded._

 _"Yeah. Ladies first." He said holding his arms out for Betty to go first._

 _"So Bucky says you two are from Brooklyn. You visit Coney Island much?"_

 _"A couple times. Whenever we had the money. Why?"_

 _"Well I would take my sister there nearly every weekend in the summer when my mom was alive. She always wanted to ride the Tornado. I never wanted to, I preferred the bumper cars."_

 _"Yeah Bucky drug me on the Cyclone and I barfed everywhere when we got off. It was terrible. I hated him for that." Steve held the door open to the little kitchen in the hidden base._

 _"You barfed after riding the Cyclone? Wow Captain America is so brave." She said rolling her eyes. Steve stood taller and puffed out his chest._

 _"It was scary alright. And didn't I hear you right, you didn't like to ride the Tornado? The Cyclone is much scarier."_

 _"I said I didn't like it, I didn't say I barfed." She said with a smirk walking to open the cabinets to find something easy on her stomach to snack on._

 _"Just don't tell the papers alright?" Steve begged reaching around Betty's smaller frame to grab a box labeled 'Crisps'. Betty grabbed the can labeled green beans. "Vegetables? I thought the point of a midnight snack was it was supposed to be bad for you."_

 _"I'll have you know green beans are the best vegetables there are and make for a great snack." She said holding the can close to her chest and walking to find the can opener._

 _"I'm sorry have you ever had carrots?" Betty turned around quickly as if she had been shot._

 _"Carrots are disgusting! Anyone who thinks differently should be admitted to an asylum." She said as a matter of fact._

 _"Woah, didn't mean to offend." Steve spoke._

 _"Well you did."_

 _"Well then that classifies as my longest successful conversation with a woman. I can see why Bucky like you so much." Betty blushed a bit opening the can and tucking her hair back._

 _"He's confused." Betty said grabbing a fork. Steve crossed his arms and leaned against the counter._

 _"I don't see how. You're a beautiful dame and you got spunk. You aren't afraid to put up with Bucky's shit and give him some in return. He's lucky to have you to keep him in line." Steve smiled and then grabbed the box of chips._

 _"Did Captain America just call me a dame?" Betty asked batting her eyes._

 _"Well, a nurse? Corperal? Lady?" Betty laughed at the way he started stumbling over his words._

 _"Jeez Louise Steve, hard to believe you are the most eligible bachelor in America." She gave him a slight shove._

 _"Well I didn't do much talking to women before I stepped into this role."_

 _"Yeah Bucky may have mentioned once in a while that you weren't the ladies man." Steve shrugged._

 _"Well with competition like Bucky it was a clear choice for the gals."_

 _"Jealous Steve?" Betty said cocking a brow._

 _"No. I mean I think I maybe I was a little but he got to walk in my shoes a little tonight when Peggy straight up pretended like he didn't exist." The thought intrigued her. What exactly were the two of them doing._

 _"Pray tell."_

 _"It was nothing really they just talked about dancing and Peggy said she waiting for the right partner." The pair didn't notice Bucky walk in until he opened his mouth._

 _"Man, she was totally asking for you to dance with her. You being the dummy you are, it went right past you." Bucky said grabbing a roll off the table and biting into it._

 _"Uh. Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" Betty said. "Steve and I are sharing embarrassing stories about you."_

 _"What are you my mom?" Bucky cracked._

 _"Seriously Buck you drank an entire bottle of bourbon. I know because I had to pay for it." Steve said sounding a little bitter about the last part._

 _"Really guys I'm fine. I swear. I'm just hungry and you vultures make a lot of noise." Bucky said with a shrug. Betty rolled her eyes._

 _"Excuse I'll have to remember that Mr. Snores-Like-A-Train." Betty said crossing her arms._

 _"I do not!" Bucky defended himself. "I had allergies that day." Betty scoffed._

 _"Excuse me but how do you know that he snores?" Steve asked slightly curious to how far his best friend was getting with this girl._

 _"You could hear him anywhere at Azzano. It usually happens late at night and you think some wild animal is going to tear through your tent." Betty said._

 _"Alright you are over exaggerating." Bucky said putting the half eaten roll down on the counter._

 _"No, really you snore. I remember it when you slept over." Steve joined in. Bucky put his arms out trying to catch a break._

 _"C'mon Steve really? Taking her side? I thought we were friends you punk." Bucky lightly punched Steve's arm causing all of them to lightly laugh. They continued making fun of each other like old friends, Steve and Betty naturally hitting it off by their ability to gang up on Bucky. Bucky made sure to get them back with his own insults and jokes. It wasn't until Betty pointed out that it was nearly four in the morning that the trio retired to their rooms to actually go to bed. Steve had to meet with Howard Stark in a few hours and he should at least get a good hour or two of sleep. Bucky however didn't go back to his room opting to continue his routine he picked up at the camp of visiting Betty in her space at night. Be it a tent or a room, Bucky felt more at ease in a place that had Betty's personal touches to it. He laid on her bed fully clothed with her laying on his arm. Betty talked Bucky through his time as a Hydra prisoner soothing his fears as he spoke. Betty couldn't imagine how terrifying it had to be for him and how brave he had to try and be. Just like her sister. The conversation did eventually drift to Betty's visit with her sister and how Bucky felt guilty for making her sister a widow. Betty assured him it wasn't his fault. Raymond was selfless and if he wanted to make it up to Raymond he could convince Captain America to come to his son's birthday. Bucky laughed at the gesture and seemed to relax drifting off to sleep in Betty's room. Betty didn't mind having him close after months of not knowing what had become of him. It put her at ease to listen to his heartbeat and watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. For now he was alive and safe._

 _…._

 _Betty readjusted her hair to get it out of her face as she studied the lab results from Bucky's blood. Still unsure of what some of the compounds and chemicals were it wasn't refreshing for her. She had decided that the best place for her services at the SSR was working in the medical lab. She would learn as she went, hopefully. She had been reading up on some of the scientists studies for the past three days she had been in the compound. All the while Steve was trying to remember where the Hydra bases were and Stark was creating new weapons tech for the Howling Commandos to use in their fight. Betty wished she could be more involved with the fighting like she had joined the army for, but her worries for Bucky overshadowed most of her desires._

 _She glanced up at the clock and saw it was already two in the afternoon she had worked through lunch again. Sighing she got up from her desk and went to open the lab doors only to slam the door into Peggy who narrowly stopped getting hit in the face with her hand._

 _"Missed lunch again?" She questioned through her thick, yet calming, accent._

 _"Well when you are focused on a task." Betty said with a slight shrug. Peggy held out a file folder to Betty and she took it certain it was more research and other useful information. When she flipped through the pages she found it was a battle plan, nothing at all to do with the tasks she normally worked on. "Peggy what's-"_

 _"Do you agree with the execution of the plan?" She asked before Betty could question the reason Peggy was giving her something unrelated to her tasks. Betty looked at the plans studying the formations and paths the forces would take. She flipped the page over to see the building plans and saw how the teams were supposed to go in and complete their mission._

 _"Why would they sneak in the shipment door? It would be much easier for them to come in the service entrance. It's connected to a hallway leading to the armory. It allows them take anything they need or dismantle anything else for Hydra to grab and shoot them with." She turned the page over and saw who was assigned to what tasks. "No, I would put Bucky on the fourth level. If he can see the whole factory floor he can eliminate threats while the extraction team is getting the technology. Have you seen him with a rifle? Then Rogers can be the one to free the men with Gabe's help. After all the prisoners are cleared and then…oh yes I see you did put that in there. Good. That's all I can suggest." Betty said closing the folder and handing it back to Peggy who was smiling like crazy._

 _"I knew you were wasting away down here."_

 _"What?"_

 _"The chemists said you were getting frustrated. You can't help Bucky here when your area of skill clearly lies with what you've picked up from your father. You're being transferred as the Howling Commando's personal strategist." She walked away heels clicking._

 _"Phillips approved that?" Betty called after her._

 _"Reluctantly." Betty smiled to herself, for once she was getting the respect she always wanted. Then she really weighed the promotion. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with Bucky if she wasn't in the lab. "Oh, and it was at Bucky's request." Betty let out a deep breath._

 _"Of course it was." She said following Peggy out of the lab area._

 _…_

While Steve was looking for more news article that could have led him to Bucky, he got distracted and began looking at an article written about the History of Captain America. He was offended when said article made a huge deal about those Howling Commandos who fought alongside him, but only a few sentences were written about Betty. He remembered countless times that her revision of plans and quick thinking at the control back at headquarters saved them all. If anything they all owed her their lives. He looked at the head shot of Betty, she was in an SSR uniform and smiling. He missed her.

"Steve! Tony said we got big problems. We got to go to the conference room." Sam said from the doorway. Steve rushed out of his room and followed Sam down the hall to the elevator. Once there he questioned Sam for what he did know.

"Tony said Natasha's file leaks had some Hydra base locations and he wants to go eliminate those bases before they pack up and leave."

"Right. Does he have a plan?"

"Guess we'll find out." Sam said stepping off the elevator and to the conference room. They could see Tony pacing around in the room through the glass panels. Inside was Doctor Banner who seemed less than impressed as Tony was talking. When the pair got inside they caught the tail end of a phone call.

"-so get Barton and come back to the Tower. We have got bigger fish to fry than whatever it is you're doing over there." Tony said.

"You can get Clint. I can't be pulled from this right now." Natasha's voice came from the speaker.

"Fine! We'll have a Hydra take down party and you're not invited." Tony said pressing a button on his phone to hang up. He looked up at the newest addition to his conference and seemed no happier than when he was arguing with Natasha. Bruce had nodded at the pair.

"Good! You're here. We have go to come up with a strategy for getting into these Hydra bases. We will be leaving the tower in an hour. Steve you fought them, you were supposed to have ended them but we'll over look that, what's the best plan for taking them down?" Steve crossed his arms.

"I wasn't the man with the plan."

"No, you're the Star-Spangled man with a plan. That's what the song said!" Tony said pointing in the air.

"It wasn't me. I followed the plans Betty came up with."

"Who is Betty?" Bruce asked. Tony nodded his head and let his fingers grace over his phone screen before an image of Betty appeared on the conference board along with a profile JARVIS complied from the information in the black and red journal.

"This is Betty. She was one of Hydra's personal favorite toys." Bruce skimmed the paragraph on the screen and looked at Steve with disbelief.

"You were friends with a Hydra assassin?" Bruce asked.

" No she used to work for the SSR she was a strategist, made all the plans to take out Hydra bases. I practically owe her my life. She was our best. I want to know what happened to her while I was sleeping."

"Oh jeez another friend." Bruce said rubbing his hand over his face.

 **AN: Please review. I want to make sure I'm writing everyone well and that this story is flowing well. Please review.**


	17. According to Plan

**AN: Hello! Thank you for your support! I am working on a you tube play list and a pinterest board for this story. I was also thinking while writing this chapter that I have a lot of feels for Betty/Bucky and was wondering if a prequel would be well received? Let me know in a review.**

 **to** abstract0118: Thank you! I'm glad you're loving it.

* * *

 _And when you think of me am I the best you've ever had?_  
 _Share one more drink with me, smile even though you're sad_

 _..._

 _The death of a bachelor_  
 _Oh_  
 _Letting the water fall_  
 _The death of a bachelor_  
 _Oh_  
 _Seems so fitting for_  
 _Happily ever after_  
 _How could I ask for more?_  
 _A lifetime of laughter_  
 _At the expense of the death of a bachelor_

* * *

 _"So how do I repay the man who recommended me for a promotion?" Betty said bumping her hip against Bucky's. The pair was walking down the hallway after a briefing where Betty's plan was explained._

 _"How about some dinner tonight before we go off to fight Hydra?" Bucky said lightly draping his arm over her shoulders. "I'll pay." He added._

 _"Then how would I be repaying you?" She said raising a brow at his offer._

 _"Just getting to see your face is enough." Betty rolled her eyes and gave him a shove._

 _"You are full of shit." Her smile and blush went against her actions, she did love it when he complimented her._

 _"That may be, but at least it gets you to smile." He said walking backwards in front of her. She tried her hardest to frown at his words which only made him laugh. "Oh don't fight it."_

 _"I'm a fighter you know that." She said holding her arms out. Bucky shook his head and turned back around so he could meet with Stark in his little lab. "I'll be at your door at 1900 hours." Bucky called turning down a corridor._

 _"Can't wait." She replied going back to the lab to get her daily update on Bucky's blood samples. Even though it wasn't her division anymore, she still managed to check in for progress. Along the way Peggy emerged from an office and joined her._

 _"Going to check the sample progress again are we?" She asked falling in step with Betty._

 _"Someone has to look out for these men. They get reckless." Betty said smirking at her friend. It was a strange relationship between the two but they definitely got along. They joked about both Rogers and Barnes. They complained about Phillips and talked about how many times Stark had hit on them. It came to Betty as a relief when she found out Peggy wasn't always business._

 _"That's the truth. Sometimes they start snogging other women." Betty stopped wondering if she was talking about Bucky or Steve._

 _"What?" Peggy turned and pursed her lips in thought. She sighed and began to explain herself._

 _"Steve was kissing this secretary Maria this morning and I may have shot him. It didn't make me feel any better though." Betty's jaw dropped at her confession._

 _"You shot Steve?" The disbelief dripped from her words as her eyebrows rose in surprise._

 _"Well, he held up this shield Stark designed. I was 'testing' the shield."_

 _"He's not hurt though? I only ask because I'm a nurse." Betty said putting her hands up._

 _"Unfortunately he is fine."_

 _"Well good. But that doesn't sound like Steve. He doesn't know much about women. Bucky has shared quite a few of his mishaps with the fairer sex."_

 _"Well it appears being Captain America has changed a lot within him." Peggy said bitter._

 _"How long?" Betty said crossing her arms and leaned against the wall. Peggy looked confused._

 _"How long what?"_

 _"How long have you had feelings for Steve?" Peggy opened her mouth a few times trying to fish out the words._

 _"I do not. This is professional between us." Peggy said straightening up. Betty gave a look that challenged her to change her answer. Betty sighed when Peggy remained convince that she was not falling for the Captain._

 _"Please, I had that same attitude and said that same line whenever people asked me about Bucky back in Azzano. Don't think you can fool me." Betty said with a smirk. Peggy pressed her mouth into a firm red stained line._

 _"Since Camp Lehigh." She muttered. "It was his good heart." Betty beamed a know it all smile making Peggy tilt her head. "Oh come now! What about you and Barnes?" She inquired trying to turn the focus away from her own personal life. She didn't mind telling Betty about the silly things he would do at boot camp and in the field, but she preferred to keep her relationships closer to the vest._

 _"What about us?" Betty said now confident in their relationship. There really weren't rules about field grades and discharges for fraternizing within the SSR. One of the first things she looked up when she signed on to follow Bucky in his adventure._

 _"When did you know you had attachments that weren't work related." Betty shrugged._

 _"Definitely when he stood up to Phillips." She stated._

 _"I recall that. I thought Phillips would have given him a field grade and he'd be shipped back."_

 _"Yeah he is full of surprises." Betty mused._

 _"He seems like a loyal man. Dedicated. Noble. I think he's a great man for you." Peggy said patting her on the shoulder and walking away._

 _"Hey! Not fair to just walk away from our conversation!" Betty said. Peggy waved back to her in acknowledgement and Betty shook her head. Peggy knew how to gracefully exit when she wanted to remain private on a topic. Betty continued down to the lab and hoped they would be able to give her some answers today. She would also make it a point to ask those chemists if Bucky ever ventured down here for his own curiosity. She knew Bucky liked to play calm but their late night conversations typically revealed more. Once in there she found they had been no closer to answers. One chemist did pull her off to the side asking her to get Bucky down here for another sample. When he made his request she found her opening to ask about Bucky's visits. The chemist said he had never seen Bucky down in the lab and he worked in there from dawn til dusk._

 _Betty didn't know how to take the chemist's news. Was Bucky not concerned? Did he not think he had access to the labs? Was he avoiding the answers? Or worse, was he too afraid to know? Betty let those thoughts occupy her as she made her way back to her small desk in the corner of the giant open briefing room. She fiddled long into the afternoon with blue prints and floor plans of possible layouts of Hydra buildings. Peggy was trying to round up a small number of men who could play double agents and gain access to more Hydra files. So far they were relying on whatever the Howling Commandos could extract. That was why Betty was trying so hard to ensure they had they best plans when in the building, the longer they stayed hidden the more secrets they could dig up. She didn't stop her endeavor until a plate with a sandwich was placed on the paper she was looking at. It was ham and cheese, hot like she always ate as a kid. She looked up and saw Colonel Phillips standing at her desk._

 _"Your father would do that too and you look just like him. " He stated. Betty tilted her head confused. "He'd get too focused on making sure we wouldn't die and forgot to eat. Figured you still liked ham and cheese." Phillips walked away. Betty smiled, perhaps keeping him out of the field for a little bit was the key to him acting a little more like Uncle Chester who used to visit for Sunday dinners._

 _"Thanks!" She called after him._

 _…_

"Thanks" Steve said as Sam handed him a stack of papers both walking onto the quinjet. "This all of it?" He asked. It was the translated information from the black and red journal Sam found in Mila's apartment under her bed. Sam read it first as Steve was sent to get Clint with Tony.

"Yeah, but man that's some dark stuff in there. I don't think you want to read it all." Sam said sitting in the jet Steve sitting beside him.

"There's information in here we are going to need. I gotta read it all."

"Alright but I warned you. It is some twisted stuff they did to your friend."

"It's Hydra, twisted is what they do."

"I'm sure she was a blast to be around before all that."

"Yeah, she knew how to light up a room. She was fun but knew when it was time to be serious. Bucky always managed to get a smile out of her. Those two were meant for each other." Steve shook his head and sighed, it wasn't time to dwell on the good times, he was going to delve into her darkest times.

 _…_

 _Betty finished pinning her hair back and sighed. She couldn't remember the last time she got dolled up. The war had been going on for three years and Wilbur had enlisted months after the attack on Pearl Harbor. For the better part of that time Betty's relationship with Wilbur had been through letters from their separate bases. Even when they had been granted leave at the same time they normally would just take strolls and talk, nothing fancy. Smoothing out the wrinkles of her emerald green dress there was no doubt Wilbur would have a fit if he saw her now. More reason for her to smile. There was knock on her door and she quickly grabbed her lipstick that she had used once before, the battlefield wasn't a place for makeup. She quickly stained her lips a deep red and slipped her black oxfords. When she opened the door Bucky was standing there dressed in his army greens hat tucked under his arm. His smile was huge as he took in the sight of Betty all dolled up._

 _"Ma'am." He said nodding his head. "Have you seen my gal Betty? I thought this was her room but I guess she's lending it out to some Hollywood actress. What film are you here for?" Bucky asked earning a light shove from Betty._

 _"What's the matter you've never seen me in a dress before?"_

 _"The dress, the hair, the lips, you look like a dream, baby." He held his arm out. "Please don't pinch me." He joked as she took his arm._

 _"You know Buck, you look pretty handsome tonight as well." She let her hand holding her clutch trace a finger along his jaw as they walked. He smirked._

 _"Thank you Betty." He said holding the door open for her that led to the elevator. Inside the small room they couldn't keep their eyes off each other. It was obvious they were taking in the sight of the other. For once they weren't on a battlefield, they weren't preoccupied with their thoughts about Hydra or family, they weren't worried about punishment for going out together. Everything for once was perfect for the couple, they were normal. When they made it to the main floor they had to take a flight of stairs up to the musty bookshop that acted as a cover for their operations. They of course used the back exit of the store that led to a dark alley. It didn't bother either of them, they could handle any drunk they ran into. When they made their way to the streets they walked fingers laced and Betty's hand around Bucky's bicep. He held her clutch daring anyone to say a damn word about it._

 _"So when does Daddy want you back baby girl?" Bucky asked. Betty got a sly smile stopping to stand in front of him and tugging on his tie._

 _"I don't know, when does the Sergeant have to report back for duty?" Bucky bit his lip watching the woman before him the desire to kiss her and mess up her red lip stain growing._

 _"Hmm… let me check in with the one who gives the orders." He grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. "Excuse me Miss. Raden, what time do you want me to report for duty in the morning?" He asked closing what little space was between them._

 _"Better be back in your bed at 2300 hours. You're shipping out at 0500 tomorrow."_

 _"Aw c'mon mom!" He groaned rolling his head back. He sighed and looked back at his date. "Can I at least bring someone back to my bed with me?" He bargained. Betty's jaw dropped and she shoved him away with mock offense written on her face. Bucky laughed and pulled her back to him and kissed her full on the mouth taking her by surprise. When she put her arms around his neck he pulled back._

 _"Betty please, I'm a gentlemen." He mused holding his chin up. Betty giggled and watched him walk off chin still in the air as they made their way to the restaurant and dance hall Bucky picked out. It wasn't a far walk just a couple blocks down from the compound. The place seemed to be buzzing with lots of diverse couples who were taking their turns on the dance floor after eating. There were older couples, young ones, a few men dancing with their pregnant wives to the best of their abilities. Even these people took some time to relax in the midst of war. Bucky had reserved a table for them earlier in the day and he pulled Betty's chair out for her as they made their way to the table on the edge of the dancefloor. They ordered and made talk about what they were doing in the SSR base. Bucky went on about the rifle Howard had put the finishing touches on this morning and he had spent most of the afternoon on indoor range practicing. He never missed a shot. Betty rolled her eyes as he bragged._

 _"Please, it's only because of the scope he put on it." She commented._

 _"No, it's because I am an excellent marksmen and you are jealous." Bucky said as the food came. Betty waited until the waiter left before speaking again._

 _"Hardly what I feel for you." She said taking a more serious tone._

 _"And what is that?" Bucky questioned interested in her answer._

 _"Concern." Bucky's confident face faltered. What could she be concerned for? "You need to visit the lab they need more samples of your blood. I'll escort you there, since you know, you haven't been there to check up on their progress."_

 _"Well why should I when you do? You think I don't hear about you always going down there?" Betty's jaw dropped._

 _"Well someone needs to look out for you, you clearly don't." Bucky sighed and grabbed his glass of wine and held it in the air. Betty looked at him confused. He nodded his head to her own glass._

 _"What are you doing?" She whispered._

 _"Making a toast," he waited til she picked up her own glass. "I may be reckless and dumb sometimes but I remember what you told us men months ago; 'First and most important life lesson you will learn; when you find a woman who care about you, listen to her.' Here's to always listening." He clinked his glass against her own and she smiled. It was a lesson she overheard her father telling younger men. She didn't think anyone took those words to heart when she said them. They both sipped their glasses and let go of the fact that Bucky never went to the lab. Bucky confessed it was because he was afraid of what they would find, he didn't want to think of the endless possibilities of poisons in his veins. It clicked with Betty that perhaps the reason he was more physical with their relationship was because he was afraid at any moment he might keel over dead. After they finished eating they hit the dance floor gaining the attention of nearly everyone in the hall when they commanded the spotlight with how in sync they were. There steps flowed with the beat, Bucky twirled Betty anytime the music would call for it, he was an expert on dancing with pretty women. Betty was no novice to the spectacle of dancing either, her mother insisted she learn so that she could at least enjoy herself on dates. It wasn't until the singer on the stage asked for a round of applause for the couple that they noticed the attention that landed on them. Betty blushed and buried her face in Bucky's chest smiling. She wasn't used to being the center of attention, that was her sister. When she looked back up Bucky was looking at her like she was the world. He was proud of her and he was letting everyone in the place know it. It was then that they made their leave from the dance hall and back to the base. The walk was a comfortable silence both smiling drunk on the atmosphere their date created. If anything this moment made Bucky want to do everything he could to stop this war as fast as possible so he could keep having these moments with this girl who managed to take his breath away with just her smile. Thinking about all the terrors that loomed with the war Bucky placed his hand protectively on her hip pulling her in close. Betty snaked her arm around his waist in response and let her head rest on his shoulder. She knew in the morning he would be leaving for the airfield with the Howling Commandos and a small army unit to return to the fight. Betty would be forced to stay at the base and be posted at a control center for communications. No doubt it would drive her crazy every time the lines were quiet and any time she heard gunfire. The morning was not something she looked forward to. When they reached the alley to make it back to the base Bucky pulled her in close._

 _"I am not missing another opportunity, because I know what happens in the morning everything is up to chance on if I come back, but Betty Raden I love you. You are the most amazing girl there is. Honestly I don't know how any man would not want to cherish you and let you know how valuable you are. When I go out to the field tomorrow I'm doing everything I can to make this war get over sooner so that I can safely go back home with you, that is if you want that," Bucky began to falter fearing he may have been coming on too strong. They hadn't really discussed a future as a couple. "Or at least you know you could have a good life at home with a man who makes you happy. It doesn't have to be me, may someone else, it's fine. You should-" She put her finger to his lips a gentle smile plastered on her face._

 _"Barnes you talk too much. This is a direct order to shut up." She removed her finger and placed both of her hands gently on the sides of his face and pulled him in for a kiss that assured him there was no one else she would want to go back and start a home with at the war's end. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close so their bodies were firmly pressed into each other. When she pulled back Bucky still had his eyes closed and let out a sigh._

 _"You are a real blessin you know that?" He opened his eyes and looked into her brown ones._

 _"I love you Buck." She spoke softly not wanting to miss her chances she had to let him know how she felt. "You are so damn good to me, I don't know what I did to get a wonderful guy like you."_

 _"You joined the army." Bucky said smirking reflecting Steve's words when he saved him. Apparently joining the army was all anyone needed to do to make their dreams happen._

 _"Didn't think I signed up for all this too." She kissed him again wishing it could last forever. Happy moments didn't last though, she knew better._

 _…_

"Didn't think I signed up for all this." Mila spoke clotheslining a Hydra agent charging at her.

"It was in the fine print." Bucky muttered fighting off another Hydra agent in the Sarajevo base. Their plan worked relatively well until Mila strayed from her own plan by shooting a guard without a silencer on her gun. They were now engaged in a small fight between them and eight Hydra agents.

"I'll read closer next time." Mila grumbled in response as she shot one agent charging at her while she held another down with her foot. She planned to keep at least one alive so they could question him. Bucky was holding his own blocking shots with his metal arm and taking out agents who fired on him with his own pistol. When either one of them ran out of ammo they would grab another from the floor. Mila pressed her foot into the man's throat to cut off his air until he passed out. She was well enough blocked by towers of an elaborate computer system that could no doubt reprogram hers or Bucky's mind to make them work for Hydra again. If she didn't need to scour the place for information she would have just burnt the building to the ground. Mila shot a man taking aim at Bucky from a balcony and watched as his body fell over the railing. Bucky glanced back at her quickly nodding as a thanks. She winked and pulled out a knife throwing it to her left hitting an agent she saw in her peripheral, square in the chest. He took a few more steps and fell to his side spitting up blood as he died. She remembered taking down Hydra was easier back in the War, at least that's how Bucky always told the stories. She rushed to the fallen agent grabbing the knife and headed off to help Bucky fight off the three agents that surrounded him. Things were a lot simpler then, missions nearly always successful and her plans executed perfectly. This mishap was on her shoulders though. Maybe that was why she never went out into the field with the Howling Commandos.

….

 _'Mission Success' was what the telegraph said. Betty smiled and read it aloud causing those in the control room to cheer. Betty let out a huge sigh no one died, they got more intel, and the Hydra factory was destroyed. One successful plan, many more to go. A few of the SSR agents congratulated Betty on her plan and patted her on the shoulder. She was finally making the difference she wanted to when she enlisted in the war. It would be a matter of days before the boys returned to resupply and get briefed on Betty's next plan. She knew she would see Bucky maybe for three days, two in private outside of the meetings they would need to be in. She didn't care as long as he was safe._

 _"- and this idiot threw his shield like some damn Olympic discus athlete!" Bucky explained interrupting Dum Dum who was retelling what happened at the Hydra base. The Commandos and a few other SSR agents were gathered at the local pub sharing drinks and stories. Betty sat next to Bucky who had his arm around the back of her chair._

 _"You do realize what the point of a shield is right?" Betty pointed the question at Steve. He rolled his eyes._

 _"Yes, he failed to mention that I hit the agent and knocked him out." Steve defended finishing off his own mug of beer._

 _"That takes away from my point that it's stupid to throw your defense at your enemy!" Bucky said._

 _"Hey pal, he wasn't the one who shot out the lights in the file room. Talk about stupid." Dum Dum said leaning back. Bucky removed his arm from Betty's chair and propped his elbow on the table pointing at Dum Dum._

 _"The enemy can't shot at you if they can't see you." Bucky smirked thinking he won._

 _"But we couldn't find the damn files until this lug lit his emergency flare." Jim said nodding toward Gabe. Betty laughed and took a drink._

 _"Well at least I'm not a Red Sox fan!" Bucky said smirking at Dum Dum, a Boston native._

 _"Please, being a Dodgers fan is the dumbest thing you could do." Dum Dum argued._

 _"You've never met a Giants fan then." Steve said. Betty looked offended, she was raised in Manhattan and the Giants were her team._

 _"Excuse me? I'll remember how dumb I am when I'm planning your next mission." She threatened. Steve rolled his neck back as did Bucky._

 _"You're a Giants fan? That's it this can't work out doll!" Bucky said standing up and moving his chair over by Steve. Betty moved closer to Dum Dum, she'd rather align herself with the Red Sox fan than the Dodgers fan._

 _"Fine! Dum Dum and I will be over here hoping your Dodgers lose."_

 _"I don't understand?" Frenchie chimed looking at Gabe to explain._

 _"Baseball alliances run deeper than the allied powers in America." He explained._

 _"Well he's not wrong." Steve stated getting a chuckle from the group._

 _"Howling Commandos torn apart by baseball. I knew there were too many Americans on this team." Monty stated before drinking from his glass. Betty just laughed at his statement._

 _"What so funny dolly?" Dum Dum asked. Betty shook her head smiling._

 _"Just glad this team gets along so well." She offered._

 _"Hey the first mission was a success thanks to our teamwork. I mean some of us coulda made some better choices." Steve stated elbowing Bucky who rolled his eyes at him._

 _"Oui, but I wouldn't have this team any other way." Frenchie spoke._

 _"Here, here!" Monty spoke raising his mug. Those at the table grabbed their drink and put them in the air. "To the best assembled ally team in the world." He toasted. They all clinked their glasses and finished whatever was in their glasses. Monty was right, it didn't seem it at the moment, but they were the best assembled team the ally forces had at winning the war against not only Hitler but Hydra._

 _…._

The Avengers arrived at the Sarajevo base and found that someone had beat them to the punch. The place was empty, the messes made it apparent that the lack of agents inside was because there was a fight. Tony took his mask off and stood in the security room asking Jarvis to check all the feed to figure out what happened. It was being replayed on a screen on his arm as all the monitors were broken. All that could really be seen was a female figure fighting, Bucky managed to stay mostly out of the camera angles. A trick he learned from Hydra. Steve was at his side wanting to know where Hydra was hiding. Whoever did this was well equipped and trained to deal with whatever was inside.

 _"_ What've you got Tony? Did Natasha beat us here?" Steve asked. Tony nodded his head. He knew exactly who the two figures fighting in the footage were and he wasn't planning on getting Steve worked up when there were more important tasks at hand.

"Yeah, I'll check in with her and see if she got any intel. Let's head back to the quinjet. Round up the rest of the team." Steve gave a quick nod of acknowledgement and left the room. "Jarvis destroy the feed." Tony muttered.

"Yes sir." Jarvis said the screen on Tony's arm went fuzzy and he sighed. He didn't know how long he would need to cover that Mila girl's trail but he hoped Natasha would hurry up and find her. He had Hydra bases to destroy and he wasn't going to let Steve's connections get in the way.

…

 _"Another Mission success!" Betty exclaimed. The phrase didn't lose its excitement as the missions went on. This was the fifth mission the Howling Commandos had completed. They were no doubt completely messing up everything the Red Skull was working towards. Their planning was well executed in the field and Betty loved handing the fake Hydra bases on the giant map to Peggy to throw in the trash. It was a feeling almost better than Christmas every time those two words came back to the base. With this timing the boys would be back for the Holidays and Betty couldn't be happier. They all deserved to spend the holidays on allied soil and with their families. Betty moved back to her desk and phoned her sister. She was going to have more company than she planned this year._

 _…_

"Mission Success." Mila chimed walking out of the fifth Hydra base her and Bucky had infiltrated. They were scouring eastern Europe taking down the Hydra bases they knew about from being inside them. They had left only one survivor to question and had found no useful information. Mila always picked the younger ones, figuring they were more likely to talk, less time in Hydra. However the younger ones had never heard about the Red Sentinel which only made Bucky more on edge. He knew that they were leaving a trail and at any of these bases the Sentinel would be waiting there to put him back in the chair and wipe his mind again.

"For you maybe, I need to know where the Sentinel is hiding. I can't rest until that bastard is dead."

"Bucky, maybe you should just take a break for a while, go dark. I mean we've spent months taking down these bases."

"Maybe we both need that. I saw the way you looked at that cryo chamber. I think it worried you more than me." Mila shrugged.

"Yeah well, the things it reminds me of still weigh heavy."

"Likewise." Bucky said throwing his rifle into the back of their SUV. He closed the trunk and looked at her taking in the sight. She was still thinking about all the horrors Hydra made her commit. Bucky had his fair share but he was always better at hiding his emotions. It was eating him up inside when he thought of all the blood on his hands and even more so when he would realize he was still a killer when he attacked these Hydra bases. The more Mila talked about the past and how they took down Hydra during, the more guilt he felt. Things hadn't changed, even after 70 years. He was still a killer, still taking down Hydra, still not that carefree kid from Brooklyn. However her memories did make him feel a little less confused with each story. It was becoming clearer the man he used to be. Some nights he would even have dreams of running the streets of Brooklyn with a skinny boy whose name he wasn't certain of. He liked that man in his dreams, he seemed so loyal and caring. Bucky walked over to Mila who still had her gear on and he wrapped her in a hug. She hugged him back and breathed in his scent. It was warm and musky like smoked pine. The smell triggered another fact the pair had been over looking in their mission to take down Hydra. It was nearly Christmas time. The snow had long fallen but they hadn't been keeping track of the days. It didn't help either that they had been staying on the outskirts of towns and staying in barns. The money Mila had withdrawn months ago had begun to dry up and they couldn't stay anywhere for long, that left little options. Mila sighed thinking how they would be spending the Holiday camping in the cold ass Ukraine weather.

"I think it's Christmas time." She stated pulling back.

"Christmas…. That's the one with Santa Claus right?" Bucky said puzzled. Mila looked at him jaw open and he smiled. "Kidding. I remember what Christmas is. I just don't remember having one." He furrowed his brow the wrinkles on his forehead becoming more apparent.

"Guess I'll have to remind you. Let's get in the car."

 **AN: I know this was jumpier but I was trying to mimic the feel in The First Avenger where they were jumping from Hydra Battle to Hydra Battle. Of course this means that our happy times with Betty and Bucky are coming to an end as the war comes to a close. Same for Bucky and Mila, she can only keep her darkest secret hidden for so long.**


	18. Love Everything About You That Hurts

**AN: thanks for your support. Please review.**

 **To** **abstract0118** **: I snuck a little of memory lane in this one but i hope you like it. And I am diving more into that Bucky is afraid to get intimate bit in here as well. Don't worry, it'll be resolved.**

 **To zilver: I am glad you like everything so far and I am impressed you've read it all that quick. I am happy to hear you like my OC I obviously try to make her as flawed as she is awesome to giver her the credibility but just wait til you hear everything they've done to her not just what Rumlow has.**

 **still working on the pinterest board and playlist... should be complete by next chapter**

* * *

 _'Cause once upon a time you were my everything_  
 _It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing_  
 _It's buried deep inside me but I feel there's something you should know_

 _I will never forget you_  
 _You'll always be by my side_  
 _From the day that I met you_  
 _I knew that I would love you 'til the day I die_  
 _And I will never want much more_  
 _And in my heart I will always be sure_

* * *

"Planning a romantic trip to… Sokovia?" Mila asked leaning over Bucky's form as he studied a map of the area.

"No, there is a Hydra base there. I only went once, but I know there's one there." He mumbled in his low voice. Mila nodded slowly and started rubbing his shoulders mindful of the metal appendage. He let out a low moan at her work.

"You know it's the holiday season, we are supposed to relax." She whispered in his ear. He shook his head.

"Easy for you to say you don't have a Hydra dog programmed to hunt you down."

"Still worrying I see." She said rubbing a little harder. She knew if she kept it up she would eventually win and he would stop brooding. At least that's how it had worked in the past.

"A little hard not to." Mila pressed her lips into a thin line, she understood his worry but they agreed when they found this house for sale and took residence that it would be a Hydra free time.

"Bucky you promised-" He slammed his fist metal fist on the table and Mila stopped backing away out of annoyance. "Five days was all I was asking for." She shot off walking towards the bedroom. Bucky unclenched his fist and looked at the ruined table. He leaned back in the chair and swallowed his anger. He didn't mean to burst like that, he was just tired of running. He was tired of killing. He wanted to be done with it all, but he couldn't until he was certain the Red Sentinel wouldn't come looking for them. He wanted to sort through his mind and figure out why he kept thinking about Captain America. He needed to know the man he was before the war. He craved spending blissful moments with Mila. Yet, everything he desired was being held from him by the darkness of Hydra. Everything he knew about Captain America would mean that he would hate everything Bucky had done with his life, even though he was controlled by Hydra. When he thought of his family and his best friend in Brooklyn he was certain they were dead and if they were they didn't deserve to know the monster he had become. Poor Mila, he would watch her movements and take in the sight knowing he once could have spent days on in end with her in a little home but the crimes Bucky committed made him someone that she should have stopped not try to save. Bucky let out a sigh and got up from the table and walked down the hallway and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Mila can I come in?" He asked. Mila swung the door open and crossed her arms.

"What? Do you want help planning a recon mission? I mean we're on vacation but whatever." She shrugged her shoulders and glared at him. Bucky tapped his flesh fingers against his pant leg trying not to yell back.

"Look, I know what I promised. Hydra free time until New Year's, but you have to understand for me someone who has been free for four months, it is hard to give up on a mission. I can't just drop things." Mila let her arms drop and slowly bobbed her head seeing the point he had. It was different for her, she could give up on Hydra for a few days because she had five years compared to his four months of freedom. She thought of what an ass she was being and lightly grabbed Bucky's metal hand tugging him to the bed. He was hesitant to move from the doorway and Mila gave him a quick glare to make him comply. She made him sit down and she sat behind him and gently pulled the hem of his shirt up. With a tug Bucky got the point that she was undressing him and worry built up in him. He tried to avoid having Mila see all the scars he had, particularly the giant puckered one wrapped around his shoulder.

"Lay down." She requested pushing on his back. He obliged her and she straddling his back rubbing his neck down to his hips. She let her hands massage every bare muscle before her and she could feel all the tension Bucky had built up and she hoped this would relax him just enough to enjoy their time in this little house. When she heard his low moan she knew it was working. She kept working him and could practically feel the stress melting.

"I don't understand." Bucky said letting go of a breath as her fingers trailed down his spine before working his lower back.

"Understand what?"

"Why you are still here, treating me like I'm a normal person." Mila stopped and slowly let her hands push up his back and down his arms entwining her fingers with his and laying her head between his shoulder blades.

"Because no matter what you think, you're my fella. You got the charm of the Sheik and a heart of gold. I wouldn't trade you for the world." She squeezed her fingers to physically assure him of her words.

"How's come I don't feel that way?" He questioned propping his head up to try and look at Mila. She moved so she could meet his gaze.

"Because we've been robbed by Hydra and the Red Room. We will never be that couple from the war again. It was a brief bout of happiness that I am eternally grateful for. And yet despite everything, here we are." Bucky gave a small smile.

"When will you tell me what they did to you." He dropped his gaze not wanting to see how many emotions would play over her face by the one question. Mila hated keeping things from him, but she hated everything they had done to her more.

"Later. I'm not going to ruin Christmas with tales of Hydra, besides you promised this would be Hydra free time." Mila pointed out. Bucky sighed, she was right.

"You won't let me forget that will you?" He said letting a low laugh rumble through his chest.

"Nope. I mean I could take your mind off everything for a while." She said letting one of her finger trace his scruffy jawline. Bucky raised an eyebrow wondering if she was really suggesting what he thought. "I meant watching movies you dirty mind." She said with a laugh getting up. Instantly he missed the heat of her body on top of his. He watched her leave wondering how she was wearing shorts that short and not freezing. He could warm those legs up he thought smirking. He pushed himself off the bed and looked at his metal arm his smirk dropped. No he couldn't think such things because if he acted upon those impulses he would surely hurt Mila. That was the last thing he wanted after all she was doing for him. When he made it out to the living area Mila was walking into the kitchen and fixing some of the food they got from their last supply raid from the Hydra base.

"I was thinking some soup would be simple enough." She stated never turning to look at him. The more time she spent with him the more her old Hydra trained self came back. She would feel him approaching before he ever made a noise and would pick up on a little things he did which helped her read him as though she were interrogating him. It had its benefits.

"Can you even cook?" Bucky said trying to make a joke. The more time he spent with her the more he wanted to be like the man she described from years ago, but it still felt wrong to him to try and be happy after all the suffering he caused. Mila turned and glared at him.

"Excuse you, I am an excellent cook. I'm not Steve." She said turning back to the stove. Bucky walked over to the counter and leaned against it crossing his arms.

"What do you know about Steve? You hardly talk about him but I know he used to be my friend right?"

"Your best friend," Mila corrected. "But I mean I didn't spend much time with him. Most of the things I know were stories you would tell me. Steve and I were friends yes, but not nearly as close as you two were." Mila said turning on the stove.

"Do you think he's looking for me?" Bucky asked.

"I'm sure he is. He's a stubborn guy."

"Why? Steve is Captain America and he's a good guy. Why would he look for now? He didn't before." Mila stopped and turned to face Bucky putting her hand on her hip.

"What do you mean by that?"

"When I fell off the train. No one came to look for my body. Some Russian drug me away and took me to Hydra. If he looked for me back then maybe I would have avoided everything with Hydra." Mila's heart broke at his words. Guilt consumed her as she realized that he was right. None of them went back to the ravine to look for his body. Not even her. She looked away from him thinking she didn't deserve to look at Bucky when she was at fault for the life he had been put through.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Bucky tilted his head, why was she apologizing? Then it hit him, the rage he had held for Steve leaving him behind was shared by Mila. She could have went back to the area with a search team just as well as Steve could have, but neither one did. Bucky didn't know how to respond to her apology.

"Why didn't you come look?" The sadness in his tone didn't make Mila feel any less guilty.

"We were certain you were dead. It was the first time I've ever gotten a telegraph from the Howling Commandos saying 'Mission Complete.' I knew something was wrong, I never imagined you were dead. I blamed myself for the longest time, maybe if I had come up with a better plan to catch Zola you would have still been here. Or if I had accounted for the armored man in the train, there were so many things that I could have planned differently and I still wish I would have spent more time on that plan-"

"Why didn't you come look?" He questioned again more sternly than the last time.

"Because Phillips said it would be a waste of manpower, we had to attack Hydra while they were weak. I argued for hours on end with him."

"You've ignored Phillips orders before, why start listening then?" Bucky let his arms drop to his sides and began to get frustrated with her. Mila felt her anxiety starting to build. There was a tightness in her chest she felt like her body was trying to run a marathon but she stood still.

"I thought he was right. It would be pointless." Mila fumbled with the words that felt like lead in her mouth.

"So you just gave up." There was no emotion in his claim. Mila chewed on her lip trying to come to terms with how bluntly he put it.

"I've been trying to make up for it." Mila said walking away forgetting about the dinner on the stove.

"That's why you stuck around? To make up for forgetting about me?" Mila stopped walking and turned back to face him fueled by disappointment and shock.

"You think I could forget about you? You haunted my every thought every day since I met you! I could never forget you James Buchanan Barnes." Her words came out softer than the intense emotion on her face. She looked away not wanting him to see her cry. Her breathing was quickening and her chest felt heavy. She wasn't going to fall apart in front of him.

"I forgive you." He said looking down at the floor. Mila's shoulders slumped and his words offered little to calm her down. She couldn't fathom how after everyone giving up on him and getting tortured by Hydra for years had made him kind.

"You think they took everything away from you to make room for the Winter Solider and yet, you couldn't be more Bucky Barnes now if you tried." Mila said wrapping her arms around herself.

"Well I got this girl who insists I can remember how to live like that again." Bucky looked up at her and she turned around the corner of her mouth tugging into a small smile.

"Sounds like a great girl. You should introduce me." She let her arms fall and walked over to Bucky.

"Nah, she's really dumb. Dumb and stubborn." Mila's face dropped as she gave him a pointed look. Bucky pulled her into a hug resting his chin on her head. "But I'll keep her around." Mila wrapped her arms around him in return.

"You better, she could kick your ass."

"I'd like to see her try." Bucky challenged making Mila pull back to look him in his blue eyes.

"Challenge accepted." She put her hand on his hips and squatted making space between them and placed her leg in between his and eased back pulling Bucky over her own hip in one swift movement. He landed on his back in front of her and he let out a huge breath.

"You win." He said resting his hands on his chest to catch his breath. Mila smirked and bent down to be closer to him.

"Always do." She winked and got back up extending her hand to help him up. He had heard that phrase before but couldn't place it. He grabbed her hand and she overestimated the momentum she'd need while Bucky was no help in using his force to take her down. They landed backwards with Mila on her back and Bucky on top of her. "You did that on purpose." She said grumpy.

"It was an accident I swear." He said with his signature smirk. She clenched her jaw.

"Lying communist bastard." She deadpanned.

"I am not a commie." He said placing a hand on her hip. It would be so easy to just relieve the obvious tension.

"Giant red star screams something different." Mila said rolling her eyes.

"I can make you scream something." Mila's face flushed as Bucky's eyes widened a bit at what just came out of his mouth. He didn't know where that line came from but he knew what it meant.

"Excuse me Mr. Barnes?"

"I'm sorry that was crossing the line." He muttered getting up and turning to the stove. "We should focus on dinner." Mila propped herself up on her elbows jaw slack. He would never stop making things awkward when it came to their sexual tension. She sighed and got up joining him at the stove to open the second can.

"One of these days Barnes, you're going to _buck_ up and just kiss me." She gave him a sideways glance goofy smile plastered to her face at her own joke.

"Did you just make a terrible joke?" He asked looking at her, her smile contagious.

"It's wasn't terrible it was clever." She said bumping her hip against him. He bumped back nearly knocking her off balance before she grabbed his flesh arm intending to drag him down with her, but he was solid. It would take more than her mere 150 pounds of muscle to knock the assassin off balance.

"Sorry." He said grabbing her forearm in case she did fall. He overestimated the power of his body even when he was fooling around. There was no way he could trust himself for anything else. Once he realized this he let go and walked to the cabinets seeing if there were any bowls in the house. Mila bit the inside of her cheek. Maybe it was her, he had come to his senses and didn't want her now that she was no longer the woman he once loved. She had changed thanks to Hydra , the Red Room, and this modern world. But Bucky, he didn't know how to let her down and he was avoiding her. That was the only thing she could think of. Why was their relationship still so difficult even after fighting Hydra together. They worked like the perfect team in those bases always covering the other and coming in to assist when the fight was too much for the other. It didn't bother her then when he was distant because she knew fighting Hydra and killing the agents brought him back to darker times and he wanted to stop the killing. Mila was ok with his moodiness then, but now that they had a small break, it was driving her insane. How could he not just unwind and open up to her. If anything she was the only person in this world who understood. He should have wanted to at least try and explain himself to her, but no. Mila stirred the soup and tried to just focus on not burning the house down.

…

"It was the last Christmas you ever celebrated; you spent it with me at my sister's house. You spent all Christmas eve playing with John while Eva and I wrapped the last minute gifts and on Christmas you ate like half the ham and ran around playing Howling Commandos and Captain America with John." Bucky smiled as Mila gave him the shorthand version of Christmas after they finished their dinner. "And somehow Eva and I ended up being the Hydra agents you took down" Mila said clearly bitter at the fact that Bucky made his aunt into the enemy for their game. They lay nestled together on the couch. It surprised Mila that Bucky was letting her this close.

"Steve gave me his original Captain America mask to give to John for a present." Bucky mused pulling Mila in closer to his body. She lay between his legs on the couch with her laptop up. They were going to watch some more movies, try and catch up on the future.

"Yeah he loved it." Mila said scrolling through their movie options.

"Elf?" Bucky question seeing a grown man dressed as one of Santa's helpers on her screen.

"Let me give you the disclaimer that Christmas has become the most commercialized holiday thanks to Macy's, Rudolph , and fighting communism." Bucky leaned to the side and Mila turned her head to look at him.

"Rudolph?" Bucky questioned the strange name.

"He's a red nosed reindeer." Mila offered turning back to focus on the screen.

"Ok, that makes a little sense, but how did communism change Christmas?" He asked moving his metal arm to rest above the couch and his flesh hand found the side of Mila's bare arm to rub it. He was going to try and open up a little more if only for the sake that it was Christmas eve.

"You fought for the communists it should be self-explanatory." She said leaning back more into his chest. "Capitalism breeds materialism which leads to how many expensive things can I get from Santa Claus?" Mila seemed overly bitter at the fact as if the changing meaning of the holidays were a personal attack on her.

"That stinks." Bucky said scrunching his nose at the thought.

"Yeah, too many things have changed since our time." Mila sighed and pressed play on the movie. "This'll kinda bring you in on it all." Bucky let out a sigh and rested his cheek on the side of Mila's head. They watched the comedy laughing and simply enjoying the movie. Bucky occasionally asked questions to which Mila had the answers to. There were somethings in the movie neither of them knew about; some of the toys that were popular when their purpose was to serve Hydra and Christmas songs that were sung. Overall, the movie nailed the point home Christmas was about family and the cheer of the season. When it was over Mila rubbed her eyes. It was only eight but fighting for the past few months left her worn out. Fighting was a life she had been avoiding for the past three years after she had given up on ever finding Bucky.

"One more." She stated sensing Bucky's lingering gaze on her.

"Does that Disney guy still make movies?" Bucky asked lightly pushing Mila up so he could stretch. Mila let out a snort.

"Does he? Disney is like the biggest name in the film business. They even do live action now, not just animation." Mila spoke trying to shuffle through her limited movie choices. At her apartment there were tons of DVDs that she had collected, but she presumed her apartment was property of the C.I.A. so she wouldn't be getting those back anytime. "The Pirates of the Caribbean Movie we watched was Disney." Bucky stopped stretching.

"It was?" he asked bemused by the fact that skeleton pirates and rum drinking was in a Disney movie.

"Yeah, I think I might have one cartoon on here… just have to find it. It came out last year, here it is!" She clicked on the movie picture and let it play. While the movie started it's opening sequence she rushed to the bathroom and left Bucky alone. When she returned he had the laptop in his lap feet propped on a coffee table. Mila jumped on the couch at quoted with the movie in perfect sequence. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" She was right next to Bucky's face and he smiled.

"Really?" He questioned with a little laugh. He lightly grabbed the side of her face hoping not to squeeze too hard.

"I mean we could. That is if you still remember how to." She said glancing down at his lips`.

"There's plenty I remember how to do." He said clearly not talking about snowman building.

"Guess we'll have to see." She said quickly jumping from his presence and going to the bedroom they took over in the day they had been there. Bucky closed the laptop and followed her attempting to humor her little game. When he made it into the bedroom she was looking around.

"What are you doing?" He asked propping himself up in the doorway.

"I wanted to scare you." He crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"How exactly did you expect to scare a master assassin?"

"Does the word humble mean anything to you?" She asked making Bucky shrug. "I have very special set of skills. Remember your ass kicking in the kitchen earlier? I have great skills." She said tapping him on the nose.

"I'm sure you do. You've never told me what exactly those skills _are_ or what they were used for." Mila fiddled with the hem of her shirt as the implications of his words hit her. She was still hiding things from him and he hadn't yet dropped that fact.

"I've only got one more good moment to share with you." She stated sitting on the bed behind her. Bucky furrowed his brow and walked over to her.

"And then everything goes to shit." He stated. Mila shook her head and looked up at him.

"Do you remember the first time we made love?" She questioned, knowing he did. She read in his journal months ago that the memory was finding its way to the surface.

"Vaguely. It was Christmas Eve wasn't it?" He asked sitting next to her.

"Yeah, it was when you proposed to me." She glanced down at her hands, there should be a ring there, but Hydra had taken that from her long ago. Hydra had taken a lot from her.

"We set out for the extraction mission the first week of January, that was when I died." He looked up at her for confirmation that his memories were lining up. As these months went on he seemed more confident to speak about what he remembered rather than Mila telling him everything. It made everything more conversational.

"Yeah, it was the first telegraph I got from the Howling Commandos that said 'mission complete.'. I knew something was wrong. I never imagined it would be that you were dead." She frowned absently reached out for his flesh arm and laid her cheek on his shoulder.

"You and I were at a dance hall that night after we were at your sisters. After a few dances I pulled you away from our group…" Bucky started trying to figure out what came next. Mila smiled.

"I was so confused about what you were doing. Steve and Frenchie noticed our absence and trailed after us." Mila stated knowing what he was getting at. Bucky closed his eyes trying to let the memory come together in his mind.

 _He remembered getting her to sit back down at the table and he sat across from her hands sweating he was so nervous. Dumb. That was one word going through his head. He would feel dumb if she said no. It was also dumb to ask before the war was over. He was just some dumb kid from Brooklyn and she was the world._

Bucky stood from the bed and kneeled in front of Mila to reenact the scene his eyes still closed.

" _Betty_ ," He began. Mila gave a sad smile at the name. Betty was such a lucky gal, a carefree woman with everything finally going right in her life. Hydra had taken that away from her too. " _I know nothing about this is proper, but I can't wait a moment more. I knew the day I first saw you that you'd be the death of me. I took a punch to the face just to spend some time with you…"_ He stopped and his face crumpled with confusion trying to remember the words he spoke so long ago.

"And every time I ship out…" Mila helped him along. Bucky nodded.

" _And every time I ship out I'm taking a bullet and much worse so that you can one day be safe. I hope that one day we can put this damn war behind us and have a life you've dreamed of. I never put much thought into the man I wanted to be when I returned from the war, but I see now the only man I want to be is your husband, if you'll let me. So Miss Beatrice Raden, will you marry this dumb jerk from Brooklyn?" Bucky finished. He could see Steve and Peggy out of the corner of his eye watching from afar. Some of the other Howling Commandos were waiting on the outskirts of the scene waiting for Betty to respond._

 _"It's a terrible idea."_ Mila spoke softly like she did years and years ago _. Bucky remembered his heart falling to his stomach at her words. He remembered the panic attack that started trying to figure out what he did wrong to lose this beautiful woman. A simple 'what' was all he could muster in all his confusion. "That means I'll have to move to Brooklyn and be a Dodgers fan." She said with a shrug making those around them snicker._ Mila was smirking remembering how funny it was to joke with him. Mila missed that Bucky, one that she could easily joke with and that so openly loved her. Bucky wrapped his arms around Mila's waist and she ran her fingers through his hair. She enjoyed replaying some memories with him. His eyes were open and he relished in the feeling of her warmth so close.

"Mila, I am so sorry."

"For what?" She asked quietly.

"Everything. You remember everything and I still run into so many walls. It has to be frustrating remembering things like this and not being able to pick everything up where we left off."

"We left off in Odessa a hot mess." She stated forgetting the entire reason they were there. Her eyes widened when she took what she just overlooked. She stopped playing with his hair stared at the wall. Bucky looked up at her worried at her sudden panic.

"What's wrong? What happened in Odessa?" He questioned.

"It was a mission that went wrong. Look we got to finish that movie." Mila said brushing off his concern and trying to get up but his hold on her waist remained firm.

"Mila tell me." He requested. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want him to remember Odessa. She figured the only way out of this was to play the same card he just did.

"Why? You don't ever open up to me when you think of all your missions. Hell I think most days you're just trying to be nice to me so I stay because you don't know how to break it to me softly that you can't find it in you to love me again." She hated laying her feelings out like that but really if she wanted to avoid the truth hiding in Odessa it was her only choice. Bucky let out a deep breath and looked to the floor. He had to admit he was afraid to love her, it's not that he couldn't find the will to. He wanted nothing more than to shower her with all the affection the man she dreamed of did but he was a machine, a weapon, a monster. There was no room for to love or to be loved when you had committed the crimes he had.

"That's… not…" He didn't know how to tell her. "You're wrong." He said gaining the courage to look her in her brown eyes. He saw she was about to cry, be it out of anger or sadness he didn't know.

"About what?" Her tone revealed her tears were from anger.

"It's not that I can't, it's that I won't. I am afraid to, I'm afraid this is just another part of Hydra's tricks. Like I'll wake up from the Cryofreeze and none of this would have happened. It seems more plausible, who could love a man who's committed the sins I have." He slumped back resting his weight on his heels and looked down at the mismatched hands in his lap. Both hands been responsible for death and destruction. If only he had pulled the trigger with his left hand maybe then it would be easier for him to accept but no, anytime he pulled the trigger it was his right hand. He remembered strangling people with his right hand as well. The crimes the Winter Soldier committed were to be paid for by Bucky Barnes because he had just as much responsibility for it all.

"Buck." Mila whispered reaching a hand out to touch the side of his face. He quickly enclosed her wrist in his metal hand. She didn't mean for her deflection to hurt him so much.

"Don't." He said firmly. Mila pulled her wrist back and sat there staring at the man who opened himself up and let bleed in front of her.

"I don't know how many times I need to tell you this, but I am not afraid of you." Mila started. He remained still. "Hydra and the Red Room have made me into a monster just as much as they did you. I hardly ever have a good night's rest, victim's faces flash before me and I hear the begging of my targets. When I wake up sometimes I wish I didn't. If those I killed, innocents, didn't get to wake up to see the sunrise why should I right?" Mila tapped her fingers against her thigh and her heartbeat picked up. She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself before continuing. "If anyone should feel unworthy of love, it's me. I betrayed everyone I know. What the Red Room did to me, they ruined me. I know how you feel Bucky, but just because they made us into machine doesn't mean we can't try to beat them and feel human again." Mila looked at him hoping he would just look at her to give some kind of indication that he understood what she was saying. It felt like an eternity before he did and it was sorrow clear as day on his face.

"And if I hurt you in the process? What then?"

"You won-"

"Don't say that! Do you know how easy it would be for me to kill you right now?!" Mila shook her head.

"Not at all." She said certain of the fact.

"What will it take for you to understand that if there is one thing I can't do, it's hurt you." Bucky stood and Mila got up herself to look him in the eyes.

"Trust me it hurts that you don't even try. It kills me when you hide it all away like you're ashamed. Just let yourself be happy! If you don't then Hydra is always going to win."

"And it'll make it that much worse when they capture me." Mila set her jaw at his statement annoyed at how certain he was that he would be captured. "When the Sentinel comes for me, it'll be even worse because they will take away all the happiness I've built with you, not just my progress." Mila walked over to his backpack in the corner of the room and grabbed his journal which had become worn in the four months he had it. She handed it to him and spoke sternly.

"This is your progress, they can't take it away. Keep it protected like I did with mine and they will never win. I'm going to take a shower, you write everything out and figure out if I should keep trying to be happy with you or if you want me to give up." That was her ultimatum. It could be his choice whether she walked away or not.

 **AN: alrighty so there is another chapter, let me know what you think and if there is anyway I can improve my characters or the plot. I want to think I'm doing a nice job but please review. I love the feedback.**


	19. like violence, break the silence

**AN: And here we have that long awaited scene... I own nothing I wish I did. To abstract0118: thank you for your loyal reviews. I am so glad you like my characters and no one wants Bucky tormented but it is something we must accept... *mumbles* thanks hydra.**

* * *

 _Vows are spoken_  
 _To be broken_  
 _Feelings are intense_  
 _Words are trivial_  
 _Pleasures remain_  
 _So does the pain_  
 _Words are meaningless_  
 _And forgettable_  
 _All I ever wanted_  
 _All I ever needed_  
 _Is here in my arms_  
 _Words are very unnecessary_  
 _They can only do harm_

 _Enjoy the Silence- Anberlin cover_

* * *

Steam rolled out from under the door and Bucky was sitting against the foot of the bed watching. It didn't take him long to figure out what he wanted Mila to do but he was afraid of her reaction. He had his arm up on his knee journal dangling from the grasp of his metal hand. It felt like she had been in there for too long. A shower should only take ten minutes or so. He reread the words he just wrote in the journal making sure that he came to the right decision. He would hate to think he might regret everything later. It was his third time reading the entry and he was getting impatient and didn't want to delay his choice anymore. He got up and walked over to the door and hesitated. He would just wait until she was finished regardless of how long it took.

…

From the moment the door was closed to the bathroom Mila was afraid of what would be awaiting her when she came out of the shower. Would Bucky want her to stay or would he push her away out of his own fear? In truth Mila wanted to wait it out as long as possible. She turned the shower on as hot as it would go. She always took scolding hot showers since being free from Hydra. Anything too cold would remind her of her time in Cryo-freeze. As she shaved her legs she took in the small scars that decorated her legs over the years. Most everyone she owed to one person. She shook the thought away but then she remembered the big ugly scar on her thigh and how she got it. It sent a shiver down her spine despite the heat of the shower. She remembered walking with a limp for quite some time after the injury but it never stopped Hydra from putting her back out in the field. Hydra didn't hesitate when it came to cruelness, she could attest to that firsthand. She thought of all the things they put Bucky through and how that would affect whatever choice he came to when she was finished. If anything it made her want to stay in her shower longer than necessary. She rinsed the shampoo from her hair and took a shaky breath. How long until the water would start running cold? Maybe she could just wait outside of the shower let the water run to buy her more time. Unfortunately as the idea came she heard the door open. Shit. She couldn't see past the curtain to know what kind of mood he was in but when she pulled the curtain back she saw Bucky placing his journal on the sink counter as he came closer to the shower despite still having his clothes on. Bucky grabbed the curtain with his metal hand and pulled it back the rest of the way making Mila exposed.

"Bucky what are you doing?" She asked turning her body to avoid his direct gaze.

"Here's what I came up with, if you stick around because your just that dumb, then you got to promise if I ever lose control and the Winter Solider wins you gotta take me out. I can't keep letting his crimes stack up. He's done enough already." Mila felt her heart drop to her stomach at his request.

"Buck you know I couldn't do that." She said

"Then you got to go. Because I can't risk hurting you or others. If I get close to you then there are risks. If you want to stay you have to face the consequences of your choice. I want you to but only if I know you have my back, even if it means shooting me in it." Mila's jaw dropped at his statement. She turned the shower off letting the steam clear out of the suddenly stuffy room. She looked into his eyes and saw there was no way to talk herself out of this.

"I accept the risks Barnes, but-"

"No buts." He said quickly cutting her off.

"How can you expect me to do that?" She asked not understanding how cruel his choice was to her. She spent years trying to block out all the betrayal and killing Hydra forced her to do and now she had to think that maybe someday she was expected to kill the man she loved.

"How can you expect me to live with myself after I hurt you or worse?" He said. Mila chewed on her lip and looked anywhere but at Bucky. If she could fix him, get him to remember enough then there was no worry that he would ever snap. The only real concern was someone else triggering him. She assumed anyone who knew about the words were dead so it would be safe for her to rely on how well she could fix her Sergeant.

"I promise." She said with a forlorn look on her face. In the back of his head Bucky knew how unlikely she was to follow through on her promise but hearing her at least eased his concerns a little.

"Now here's the second part." He said drawing in a nervous breath. Mila was afraid, she wasn't expecting a second part and the endless possibilities of what it could be scared her.

"What's the second part?" She asked letting her concern be clear in her tone.

"I'm _bucking_ up. I'm not going to deny the one thing that is clear as day in my mind; I love you." He wrapped his arms around her waist getting wet from her soaking body but not minding in the least bit.

"and I love you." She spoke wrapping her arms around his neck. Letting out a breathy laugh happy he was finally going to let himself be happy. He pressed his lips against hers letting his body do what it's wanted to do for months. He hadn't been intimate with her since Orvieto and his body was craving more of her. He moved his hands down to cup her bottom and gave a slight squeeze as a warning before lifting her up. Mila naturally bucked her hips into him as the cold metal hand was a drastic change from the steaming shower she was just in. Mila's wet legs wrapped around his waist as their kissing got harder. Bucky's jeans got tighter as warmth of her body enclosed him. Bucky guided them both back to the bed and gently lay her down on her back. He broke the kiss briefly to deliver his warning hovering over her body. Her skin seemed to glisten from the warm water still coating her smooth skin which did little to calm his growing desire.

"If I hurt you at all, promise me you'll let me know." He practically pleaded with her. She ran her fingers through his long dark locks and smiled.

"I doubt you will, but I promise." She whispered pulling him back down to reclaim his lips. Bucky let his flesh hand grip her hip as he pressed his body into her. Mila found the hem of his wet shirt and tugged at the wet fabric that clung to him. Bucky paused and shook his head.

"Be patient." He growled trailing kisses down her neck and letting his metal hand trial up and down her side knowing the temperature would get a reaction out of her. She let out a bated breath at the sensation. Bucky smirked against her pale neck and let his hand trail down further grazing the inside of her thighs. He made sure to let his touch be as light as possible just enough to let the sensors in his arm know how warm her flesh was. He was still focusing on not hurting her. When he dared to press his entire metal hand against the back of her thigh Mila's body bucked against his.

"Don't be cruel." She moaned letting her fingers pull at the back of his shirt. She could rip it off of him without struggle. The Red Room's serum gave her the strength and right now she wanted nothing more than his flesh pressed against hers. She pulled hearing the fabric rip and Bucky stopped giving her a dark look.

"I like this shirt." He warned.

"C'mon, black isn't your color and I like the body under it." She said ripping the shirt in the back and it fell off of him. He looked down at his bare chest and set his jaw mocking anger. He pulled the shambled fabric off his arms and paused for a moment. Did Mila actually enjoy seeing his body like this. It was nothing like the one she once loved it was littered with scars. Mila took advantage of his break and quickly sat up and undid his belt wasting no time to pull his pants and boxers down in one swift move. Mila glanced up at him and a cruel smile came over her face. She saw a small flash of concern come over his face. He had no idea what she was planning. She bit her lip and winked at him making his heart beat increase before her mouth enclosed his length. Bucky instantly sucked in a breath at the sensation. He let his head roll back enjoying the warmth around his shaft. He didn't know where Mila learned this from but he would have to thank someone later. His flesh hand got tangled in her hair as she sucked him making him moan. Mila took pleasure in the way his body reacted to her. She let her fingers graze up and down his thighs while she continued to drive him insane with her mouth. She could feel his muscles tensing up so she suddenly stopped and pulled away not wanting him to come unraveled just yet. He let out a small whimper when he realized she wasn't going to continue.

"Who-"

"You think Dernier only shared tips with you?" She said already knowing what he would ask. She knew the French Howling Commando was always very proud of his country's reputation and intended to share his knowledge if he was drunk enough.

"I'll have to thank him later." He said kneeling down to wrap his metal arm around Mila's waist.

"Thank me first." She said upset he would give credit to someone else. He gave her a smug look and let his other arm get lost in her hair as he kissed her. It was too easy to just pick her up and move her to the vanity in the room. It was just the right level to allow Bucky the access he wanted. He moved his hands down to her knees and spread her legs apart rubbing her thighs making her want him that much more. He let his flesh fingers cup her which made her whimper. She hated the teasing, she just wanted all of him already. She wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him close trying to make him get her hint. He frowned into the kiss at her gesture and pulled back.

"Last chance to back out." He whispered catching his breath. Mila groaned in annoyance and put her hands on his shoulders looking him in his darkened eyes.

"I want you Bucky Barnes." She stated pulling him back into a kiss. Bucky positioned his head at her wet entrance and she squeezed her legs aching for him to be inside her. With a gentle thrust he slid inside letting his member stretch her walls. Mila dug her nails into the flesh of his shoulders enjoying the feeling he created. "Buck." She breathed out. Bucky started his pace slow wanting to enjoy every sensation her body brought him but also wanting to make sure that he wouldn't lose himself and hurt her by mistake. Bucky let his metal hand press against her back, the warmth of her flesh making the alloy lose it's cool touch. His flesh hand stayed on her hip pulling her in to meet his thrusts. He kept it slow and steady letting his length completely fill her each time their hips met. Her nails dug into his skin no doubt leaving marks but, regardless of how great it felt she needed more. The pace was slow torture for her. She pulled him in close and whispered in his ear. "I thought you were a _super_ solider." She nibbled on his ear lobe and he groaned.

"Remember your promise?" He said in a husky voice before cupping her bottom to pull her body closer to the edge. Her left hand trailed down to grip his forearm as he significantly picked up his pace letting his hips crash into her. His desire burst from him as he thrust into her harder hips slamming into each other. Mila's grip tightened and her back arched as he continually immersed his full length into her in a pace that match her heartbeat it seemed. Bucky grabbed the pole that held up the mirror to the vanity and savored how great it felt to have her tight walls wrapped around him.

"Damn Mila." He moaned out watching the way her body moved as it built with ecstasy. Her bouncing breasts were making him harder and his gaze trailed down to her toned stomach. He saw how much she was flexing as pleasure built up inside of her. Finally he let his eyes stay trained on the movement of hips smacking into each other. It made him want to release his load but, there was no way he was going to let himself come before she did. He wanted to see her come undone, wanted to hear his name come out of those tantalizing lips as a prayer, he needed that. He let his flesh thumb rub circles on her clit which made her gasp and throw her head back. He was unrelenting with his hips as they crashed into hers. Mila eagerly awaited each deep plunge his cock made into her each time it pushed her closer to the edge and her thumb did little to slow the fall from that cliff. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled as her legs tensed coming close to her release. "Buck…" she moaned and bit her lip letting pleasure wash over her face. She let out whimpers and moans as he moved his thumb faster around the sensitive bundle of nerves. "Buck!" She yelled as her body tensed with her orgasm letting the warmth spread throughout her. Bucky couldn't hold himself back as her body tensed making everything tighter around his shaft.

"Fuck." He moaned as he felt his own climax fill her. He slowed down his pace both breathing hard and he felt her still pulsing with the rush she just experienced. He knew there would be marks on his arm and shoulder from her fingers, maybe he should have worried more about her hurting him than the other way around. When he let go of the vanity he saw that he had splintered the wood and was very close to breaking the piece of furniture. He was glad that was the only thing he broke. He slowly pulled out of her and scooped her up to lay her back on the bed. Both of them were covered in a thin layer of sweat but the skin-to-skin contact made Mila feel better than she had in years. Bucky hovered over her and kissed from her ear lobe trailing to her knee. Mila just let her eyes flutter closed as she relaxed with touch. Bucky felt his chest swell at her reaction. She was at ease with his touch, she was craving it and not cowering from it. He may just have to worship her body more often. When his lips began their journey back north Mila let her hands carve into his dark strands and shivered a bit as some of the ends tickled her stomach. When he came back to her mouth he pressed one hard kiss to her wanting to let her know how much he did love her into the action. When he pulled back he lay beside her and pulled her on top of him. She gently let her fingers trace all the visible scars and she hummed a modern song.

"Told you." She whispered her breath making his flesh tingle.

"Told me what?"

"You wouldn't hurt me." Bucky let out a breath of a laugh and rubbed her back mindful of her hair with his metal hand and soaked up every second of this peaceful feeling. If there was one thing he knew, it was that moments like this didn't drag on for eternity.

…

Steve was spending Christmas eve back in D.C. with Peggy and Rebecca both. The nursing home was full of families visiting their loved ones. They were talking about the past and both ladies agreed Steve was 'full of stupid' as Rebecca put it. They drank egg nog and Steve tried to enjoy every moment he could with the two women from his past. He didn't know when Peggy would relapse again but hoping for a Christmas miracle and that she would hold on longer than she had been.

"Steven and my brother got into big trouble once when they decided to be cooks." Rebecca began nibbling at the small tub of cookies Steve snuck in. It took him three batches before he got a dozen that weren't burnt.

"Steve can't cook." Peggy commented.

"Oh no but he is a master mud pie maker." Rebecca said pouting her lips out and pointing at her childhood friend. Steve put his hands in the air, he couldn't deny it.

"It was your brother's idea." Steve said remembering how Bucky wanted to help his mom cook so he stole the pie pans and brought dirt into the apartment and Steve helped him, they even put a small spoonful of rationed sugar in the pie. That was the reason they were in trouble.

"Oh please. He always blames his shenanigans on Bucky. If I remember correctly my brother was always dragging _you_ out of trouble." The elderly woman let out a small laugh and Peggy smiled. Yes, that did sound like the Steve she knew. Rebecca glanced at her friend in her hospital bed and wished she could join them in sharing stories.

"Steve Rogers, Captain Cook." Peggy said lighting up everyone's mood. She let out a little laugh which led to a cough and Steve panicked grabbing the glass of water always at her bedside. Rebecca knew festivities would be over if her friend slipped. Peggy drank from the glass Steve held out and when she pulled back Steve could feel his heart stop. Was she going to forget him? She gave a sad smile and thanked him. Steve relaxed, she didn't slip.

"Did she say yes?" Peggy asked. Steve's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Who?"

"Betty? I saw Bucky proposing, did Betty say yes?" Steve suppressed his frown forcing a smile. She wasn't latching onto reality. She was seventy years in the past right now. Rebecca rolled back in her wheelchair knowing her friend wasn't alright.

"Yeah she did. She's gotta be a fool for saying yes to Buck." Steve said a small twitch at the corner of his mouth helped him fight back his anger that he hadn't found the two of them yet and he had to keep it a secret that they were alive from Peggy due to her condition. It would just upset her.

"I think they are a fine match." Peggy commented laying back on her pillow.

"Maybe you'll be in the wedding." Steve said humoring the thought. Seeing Bucky in a tux would have been a sight.

"May….be…" Peggy said drifting off. "Merry Christmas Steve." She said falling asleep. Steve grabbed a small velvet box from his pocket and put it on her nightstand.

"Merry Christmas Peggy." Steve said walking over to Rebecca to wheel her back to her room.

"Have you found them?" Rebecca asked. Sam still checked in with her from time to time to see if Mila made any contact with her.

"Not yet." Steve said opening the door to the hallway. Rebecca smiled at the families leaving the nursing home. What was left of her family was running around the world on the run. She kept hoping one day Bucky would show up and visit her.

"When you do I have something for you to give to them." Steve opened her door and wheeled her in. She pointed at the dresser in the room. "Third drawer on the left." She said slowly moving to her bed. Steve went to the dresser and found there were two sealed envelopes in the mess of the drawer laying on top of everything. When he flipped them over he saw two names written in the perfect penmanship Steve always teased her for when they were younger. Both boys hated how she excelled in handwriting. "They should read those when you do find them." She said.

"What did she tell you about him?" Steve asked turning around.

"Everything." She said looking down at the floor.

"Did she tell you what she did?"

"Yeah. She told me to take it to my grave, but I suppose you know it all as well." She pushed herself up from her wheelchair and Steve rushed to help her to her bed.

"I read about it. They were monsters." Steve said once she was sitting on the edge.

"They turned them into monsters too. I bet Bucky blames himself for everything. He tends to do that. He probably doesn't get that it wasn't his fault. Are you going to make them pay?" Rebecca asked holding his hand. Steve looked down at her aged hand and knew that if things had went better in the past he should have been aging right next to his friends here.

"Stark sent his AI's to do recon on a Hydra base now. We should head out next month to take down another base. I'm not stopping until I find them Becky. I promise." Steve kissed the top of her head like he always saw Bucky doing. She nodded her head as Steve grabbed the letters.

"If they find out about those cookies Steven you'll be in trouble." Rebecca said trying to part with him on a lighter note. Steve smiled and shrugged.

"I don't think they'll throw Captain America in jail over some baked goods."

"America's Golden Boy Smuggles in Illegal Substances to nursing Home.' Yes, that's what the headlines will say on Christmas day." Rebecca said smiling. Steve dropped his head smiling at her. He quickly gave her a small envelope and wished her merry Christmas as he left. When she looked inside it was a picture of Bucky in his uniform. They had never taken pictures before when they were kids, this was the only picture she now had of her brother. She teared up at the gift and set it up on her nightstand leaning against her box of tissues. For the first time since he shipped out for the war Rebecca was seeing her brother.

…

When sleep found the pair of them it wasn't nearly as peaceful as the moments they just shared. Mila was dreaming of Odessa and Bucky was having nightmares about his victims.

 _Mila watched him from afar keeping her distance as per the directions given to her. There was no need to interfere until she was certain the mission would fail without her. She was too important to be lost on a mission. She watched the truck take on the curves of the seaside highway watching as the driver was taking turns almost too fast. She picked up the binoculars and watched the driver. It shocked her when she saw who the red-head was. It was her ballerina. She was finally free and found a new way to use the skills she taught her. The mission only called for the scientist in the back to be killed not Natalia. Jumping form her spot on the cliff she grabbed her pistol and flew down the rocky trail wanting to make sure Natasha didn't perish. As she rounded the last curve in the trail before the road she heard gunshots. It didn't scare Mila, the sound was almost a near constant in her Hydra life. It only made her move faster because she may lose a valuable ally. Leverage motivated her, she couldn't be motivated by emotions after what Hydra had done to her. As she reached the road she hear the crushing of metal against rock and moved to the guardrail and saw the SUV toppling down the side of the cliff. Thinking quickly she grabbed the grapple from her belt and fastened it to the railing throwing herself over the edge she began her decent. She kept her eyes fixed on the car and when it came to a halt Natasha was pulling the scientist out of the car talking into her comms. Mila detached the harness and ran along the small strip of beach trying to make it to Natalia. Then she heard another shot ring out and Natasha and the scientist went down. Glancing above the cliff she saw he completed the mission but injured an asset to them in the process. As Mila approached Natasha a sharp pain hit her in the shoulder making her drop. She looked back up to the cliff and didn't see him looming over the edge. She slowly looked at her shoulder as it gushed blood and pieced it together that Natasha shot her. But why? Her weapon was still trained on Mila._

 _"Natalia." She spoke firmly removing the hood from her uniform. Natasha's eyes widen with the realization that she shot a former friend. Mila was the only reason she got out of the Red Room._

 _"Sorry." She muttered holding her arm out and shooting her with something that sent electricity through her body making her body tense up in pain. Another shot from her arm and she fell blacking out._

 _Bucky was standing over a man who was pleading for his life in his native Chinese tongue. Bucky pulled the trigger regardless of the emotions in his eyes and fear in his voice. As he translated the speech after his shot he realized he was asking not just for his life, but for the monster to spare his family. It wouldn't have made a difference to the Solider but to Bucky Barnes it did. Bucky dropped the weapon and backed up the office he was in turned dark and he heard the screaming of a woman and child. He went to his knees and put his hands over his ears trying to block it all out. Then it felt like there was water in his ears, he removed his hands and saw they were covered in blood. It seeped out of the cracks of his metal arm and he tried to wipe it off but the blood seemed endless, just like his victim list. The screams in his head only multiplied as he heard a mix of languages all pleading for their lives. Bucky gritted his teeth and put his head down to the ground._

 _"STOP IT!" He yelled to no anvil. The voice grew louder and he could hear the Russian clearest. That voice wasn't pleading though, it was firm and commanding. It was the voice that had given him orders before, more importantly it was the voice of the man who implanted the trigger words in him. He heard him start saying the words and he screamed._

 _"Zhelaniye." He saw Betty and him kissing back on the Azzano base. Bucky's breath picked up pain rushing through him with the words._

 _" Rzhavyy." His body turned cold. He was being neglected in Cryofreeze again._

 _"NO!" He yelled. The voice didn't stop._

 _"Semnadtsat." The voice continued with the screams._

 _"Bucky." He heard someone call. His body was shaking with pain. "Bucky." Came the voice again._

"Bucky!" Mila yelled waking him up. His sudden movements had made her stir but the screams were what woke her. He was covered in sweat and his hands gripped the sheets turning the knuckles on his flesh hand white. She could only guess what had him so worked up. "Bucky!" She said shaking him. His eyes snapped open and he bolted up right catching his breath. "Buck?" She questioned softly. His head snapped to her worry filled his eyes.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked. Mila shook her head and lightly placed her hands on his shoulders.

"What was it?" She asked. He didn't respond, he just moved to the bathroom where his journal was and moved back to the table in the kitchen. Mila followed him out to the table with a sheet wrapped around her frame. "Wanna talk after?" She offered leaning against the island counter. Bucky nodded and kept writing down the names of voices he heard in his nightmare. The targets, the victims, the innocents. Mila bit her bottom lip taking in the tormented look on his face.

"I'll be in the room." She said walking away.

* * *

 **AN: onto that pinterest board... it will be updated and things added to it that are references and visuals of this story. I hope to let it add some suspense with what's to come and help understand some of the past. so obviously do the pin terest. COMputer /** **wizkalisa94 /darkest-light / with no spaces.**


	20. Everything Special Came Out of a Bottle

**AN: Thank you for your support and all the faves and follows this story has. Please review. Please, I like to know how well I'm writing my characters or if they are acting OOC. Thanks guys!**

* * *

 _Someday I might tire_  
 _Having walked through these fires_  
 _because I am wired wrong_

 _Maybe someday I'll be_  
 _In a place where I can see_  
 _that I'm not wired wrong_

 _My brain is all wired wrong_  
 _but that's how it's been all along_

 _Wired Wrong- Steam Powered Giraffe_

* * *

 _Mila was in a bright white holding room. The ceiling was too tall for her to dismantle the video camera in the middle of the room. There was nothing else in the room not even an indication of a door. Following her Hydra training she walked around the perimeter of the room scanning the walls with close precision. She had to have gotten in here someway. Coming on the third wall she saw the smallest slit in the white wall. She walked to sit opposite the door so she could see any threat that would come in. She sat stoic not moving, not even worried of her fate just calculating the hundreds of ways she would escape should a scenario arise. She needed to return to her handler, she needed to be put back in Cryofreeze. She didn't know how long it was before the door slid open and a red-headed woman with a black uniform came in contrasting sharply to the bright white walls._

 _"Natalia." Mila said flat. "K chemu ya obyazan eto udovol'stviye?" (to what do I owe this pleasure?) Natasha stood in the center of the room knowing the danger of getting to close to her._

 _"Ya dolzhen vam dolg. Iz-za vas ya vyshel iz mashiny." (I owe you a debt. Because of you, I got out.)_

 _"Vy budete ubit' menya v etom protsesse." (you will kill me in the process.) Mila spoke resting her arms on her knees._

 _"It's a risk we'll take." Natasha said nodding her head slightly. The door burst open again and she saw a small army of men lining the hallway outside and two male nurses pushing a gurney in._

 _"I don't suppose I have a choice." Mila stated glaring at the gurney as it approached._

 _"You didn't give me one, but it's how I got free." Mila raised her brows at the accuracy of Natasha's statement. She stood and held her arm out knowing someone would sedate her. Sure enough the man in the scrubs came for her with a needle and right as he grabbed her wrist she grabbed his and pulled him down. Natasha must have known she would try to attack because she had her own needle to stab into Mila's neck. Next thing she knew she was waking up on an operating table face down. She could feel clips holding her skin apart at the base of her neck. She saw the shoes of the doctors operating on her, but most of all she felt the searing pain in her head. She heard the heart rate monitor start beeping faster at her own panic. It was a burning pain tearing her skull in half and she started screaming._

 _"STOP!" She screamed similar to how she had when Hydra first operated on her. "OH god make it stop." She yelled. It never did though. She felt the scalpels cutting into her and the searing heat in the back of neck._

 _"Anesthesia must have worn off." She heard someone comment when she stopped screaming because it made the pain worse._

 _"Please make it stop." She was crying pleading, she was afraid. That wasn't normal. "Just kill me." She sobbed._

 _"Mila." She heard a doctor say. "Mila you're alright." She tried to shake her head but it was harnessed to remain still during the procedure._

 _"No I'm not!" She yelled._

 _"Mila, it's Bucky. Wake up."_

She bolted up in the bed panting and covered in sweat. She looked at Bucky hovering over her and reached her hands out to pull him closer but thought better of it. Was he just another illusion of her dream?

"What was that about?" He asked sitting down by her feet. Her screaming tore him away from writing in his journal. He had only been at it maybe an hour.

"I was having surgery. The anesthesia wore off. It always wore off, Hydra stopped using it. Natalia didn't know though." She put her head down in her hands and Bucky moved to enclose her in his embrace.

"I was awake when they cut off the rest of my arm." Bucky whispered thinking back to laying on that operating table with strangers moving about him. He could still hear the whirring of the saw. He shuddered, his metal arm buzzing with phantom pain.

"It was the serum. Our bodies burned through the anesthesia. I remember every surgery." She said nuzzling her head into Bucky's chest. She felt safer in his arms as though no scalpel would come to slice her back open. Bucky moved the pair to lay under the bed sheets hoping the thin blanket would give them more comfort. Bucky pulled her back into him and inhaled the sweet smell of her hair. It calmed him immensely as he draped his metal arm over her waist. Mila laced her fingers in his metal ones and brought the arm up further on her body so it felt more like he was shielding her from everything. She kissed the metal fingers making the sensors react to the heat. "What was your dream about?" She asked.

"The victims. Henry Wu and his family from Beijing. The KGB ordered me to kill him when he was smuggling arms into Russian rebels. People who wanted to see communism fall in Russia like it had in Germany. I then had to kill the rebels. I heard their screams too. Then the words," He squeezed Mila's hand and pressed his body closer to her. "I don't want them to trigger me like that ever again. I want to be done with this. Isn't it enough to live with the memories?" Bucky asked his breath shaky. Mila didn't need to look at him to know he was crying. "I'm sick of this life." He whispered so quietly that Mila wouldn't have heard it if not for her own super soldier serum coursing in her veins.

"Buck-" She stopped herself. The only thing she could offer to reassure him would only destroy him in the long run so she kept her mouth shut. She offered instead to tell him how she fell into the Red Room's hands. "Do you want to know how I got caught up in this same mess as you?"

"sure." He said hoping it would take his mind off of everything if only briefly.

"When you died, I fell into a depression. I don't even know if I took my mother's death as hard as yours. I joined Steve in the last attack that took Hydra down but after I got my vengeance I turned down the SSR job from Peggy. With both you and Steve gone I lost the will to fight. I retired from it all. I lived with my sister who started getting sick. I lost her two months after you died. I was now John's legal guardian and I couldn't feel more empty. All those I grew close to were gone but I had to be strong for John. One of the few servants left at Raymond's house offered to take us all to church around Easter and this group of women were asking for volunteers for Missionary work. They preferred to have some women with medical experience or strong men. They were going to help those poor orphans in Communist Russia. I of course volunteered taking it as some sign from God that this would be something to fill the void in my life after I left the army. I took John with me after they assured me that we would be operating in a safe place in Russia. I was so fucking dumb." She said shaking her head.

"They were Red Room agents?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah. When we first got in we were 'vaccinated'. What was really in those syringes was a messed up Super Solider serum. It killed the men almost instantly. The women it had exceptional results on. John… he escaped the serum but looking back I wish they would have just injected him with the serum. At least he wouldn't have to suffer in the Red Room for months." She felt her tears falling and her lungs start to constrain thinking off all that her little nephew had to go through. Bucky picked it up from the sensor in his arm how quick her heart was starting to beat.

"Mila we can finish this later. We're both really fucked up right now. Besides, it's Christmas morning. We should be happy at least for one day." Bucky suggested kissing her shoulder. She nodded her head and sighed composing herself. It had to be around three in the morning, they could still go back to sleep and re-do their Christmas morning later.

"I didn't get you anything for Christmas." Mila said turning around to face him.

"I don't mind." Bucky kissed her forehead.

"Merry Christmas Bucky."

"Merry Christmas Bet-Mila." He pressed his lips together frustrated at his small slip. Mila only smiled at him and wiped the tears from his face.

…

"Stark no!" Natasha said over the cell phone as she walked down the streets of Austria.

" _C'mon Natasha you have to come home for the Christmas party at least! You missed the labor day cook-out!"_ Tony said from his end back in New York. No one not even Clint had seen Natasha since she left to find Mila and Bucky. Only Tony, Fury, and Clint knew what she was really doing.

"I heard that cook-out started as a fight between you and Mexican arms smugglers." Natasha said walking into a corner café to get breakfast. She had a late night and needed the caffeine.

 _"And it ended in their fancy L.A. backyard that had a grill and pool. Pepper and I had a lovely time."_ He offered hoping that would make it ok. He really wanted her back at the Tower because he needed help making sense of some of the files she leaked a few months back.

"Stark you can't pull me out of this, I just got my first hit in weeks! Besides, you never invite me over for parties. Remember your birthday five years ago?" Remember when you tried to blow up Rhodey and your house is what she really wanted to say.

" _Fine. Caught me. I'm really calling because I want you to help me decode these files for Hydra locations. We searched all the ones that weren't encrypted for Loki's scepter but it has to be hidden in a base we can't find in the files."_

"You lost Loki's scepter?!" Natasha said walking to the counter sighing.

" _I didn't lose it. I wasn't the one who locked it away. That was SHIELD so this one falls on you ex-SHIELD agent Romanoff."_ Natasha rolled her eyes and put a hand over the mouth piece ordering a coffee and scone in German and handing the lady a credit card. When she was done she went back on the line. " _Are you on vacation or what Romanoff?"_

 _"_ No, I'll be at the tower by Saturday. Goodbye." She said pressing the icon to hang up. She had to admit she was missing the Avengers, this chasing down Mila thing was reminding her too much of her Red Room days. Every lead was a dead end and she had been avoiding her friends for too long. But could she just abandon Mila? If it wasn't for her she would still be working for the KGB or worse, Hydra. Sipping on her coffee she decided her debt had been repaid years ago when she asked Stark to help her deactivate the Hydra technology in her brain. Some nights she still heard her screaming on the operating table. She remembered being there on the other side of the glass and waiting impatiently as one of the very few people she trusted was being cut open and having things rearranged in her brain. No matter how terrible and gruesome the scene was Natasha was glued to her spot wondering if a fail-safe would trigger and the room would explode. After the healing, both physical and mental, Natasha and Mila agreed that she would stay under the radar not wanting to relive her days with Hydra by spending months in debriefings, getting used for information, and using her Hydra learned skills for the good guys. In a way Natasha was quite jealous of how Mila got to walk away from it all, never looking back. Natasha finished her coffee and scone and made her way to the secret base Fury lent her to take the Quinjet home.

…

When Bucky woke up he felt unusually warm but also felt a weight on him. Slowly opening his eyes he saw the top of Mila's head laying on his bare chest curls fanned out and creating a slight tickle to his skin. He smiled at that. He slowly pulled the cover that had somehow just barely covered the curve of her ass up to her back to keep her as warm as he was feeling. He knew realistically their bodies were warmer than most thanks to the serum, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least act like they were normal for a moment. He kept his metal hand far from her sensing how the metal had cooled off in the night and not wanting to startle her with the fringed cold alloy. He knew how much he hated it when the metal seared to his skin got cold, it was terrible. Just like every time he woke up from the Cryo freeze, the pain he hated the most was the burning cold of the metal in his chest where pieces were used to ensure the arm didn't pop off.

He tried to imagine a life where he would have woken up like this every morning. Would they have fought over stupid stuff like who was going to take the dog to the vet instead of who was going to share their sins form Hydra before bed? Would she have made him breakfast on Sunday mornings instead of making up attack plans? Would he have a car in their garage to work on instead of a metal arm? Would they be running kids around to Boy Scouts and Ballet instead of… his eyes grew wide at the thought of what they did last night. His heart beat against his chest with worry. What if he had gotten Mila pregnant? How could he have been so foolish to give in to his desires when he could have risked everything and made another way for the bad guys to get to him. How would he even bring this up to her? Mila stirred and he tried to calm himself down but it wasn't working. She picked her head up and placed her hands over his chest so her chin wouldn't dig into his pecs. The look on her face was calculating.

"What's got you so worried this morning?" She asked. In truth she had been peacefully lying awake on him for the past half hour fantasying her life as his wife and all the ways she could help Bucky back to his normal self. It wasn't until his heart felt like it would beat out of his chest that she was concerned. She thought it was another nightmare coming on.

"What do you mean?" He asked moving a stray strand of chocolate curls to tuck behind her ear, not realizing what he did. He gave a small smile. "Nothing's got me worried, I've got this beautiful woman in my arms. Everything is fine." He smoothly lied. It did little to convince Mila.

"You just touched my hair with your metal hand. You actively avoid my hair with your metal hand which means your mind is preoccupied. So I'll ask again, what's got you so worried this morning?" He sighed, this was an awkward situation to be in regardless of their Hydra situation.

"Last night… I wasn't thinking clearly…. I shouldn't have…. We should have… I-" Mila had never seen him fumble over his words so much. In her head she was trying to figure out what he could be so embarrassed about as he mumbled on and then it clicked.

"You aren't _that_ super, solider." She said smiling. He rose an eyebrow with concern for what she said. Did she just insult his performance?

"Um excuse me?" He said clearly offended. Mila smiled and burst out in laughter. She put her head down as she did her hair tickling his face. "Seriously Mila what the hell does that mean?" He grabbed her sides and flipped her over on the bed so she was on her back. She was still laughing when he propped himself up arms on either side of her.

"I'm not-" She giggled. "It wasn't an insult honey." She said using the term of endearment as though it was normal.

"Then what-"

"If you're worried you might have gotten me pregnant, as I assume you are, you can't." Bucky felt relief flood through him as he let out a sigh.

"How's that?"

"The serum." Mila said as though it should be obvious to him. He laid down on his side and still looked confused.

"The Super Solider Serum enhances the health of a person, it should have made you more fertile." He said working through the science in his head. He wasn't a medical expert, no he was more of a science geek, but he did know what the serum did in theory.

"You're correct that it enhances health. It does so at a superior rate. Fights off sicknesses too right?" Bucky shrugged, yeah that was true. "Pregnancy is a sickness Buck." Mila said hating how the words came out. "The body's immune system focuses on the baby, not the mother. The body can turn diabetic and anemic. The process of creating life wears the mother's body down. So the Serum kicks in and fights the potential threat."

"How soon does it kick in?" Bucky asked afraid for the answer. Mila's face took on a mask of sorrow.

"It can take a couple weeks. Always results in a miscarriage." She looked at Bucky eyes sad but it seemed like she had accepted it. Bucky pulled her in and kissed the top of her head. He remembered her talking about a life after the war on occasion and how she wanted to be a great mom like her own, but now that could never happen for her. No wonder she had flipped out on him all those months ago when he said she should have been married with kids and lived a full life. She couldn't have those things Bucky yelled at her for. He felt like an ass now. Especially since it was clear she experienced the miscarriages before.

"I'm sorry Mila." He spoke.

"You didn't know" She said getting up and finding something to wear that wasn't a bed sheet. Bucky had found boxers in the middle of the night writing in his journal. He must have dug through his bag and left his clothes scattered to repack later.

"That doesn't mean I don't feel upset for what they took from you." Mila gave a half smile at his kind words. He didn't need to feel upset about it. It wasn't his burden to bear. He moved from the bed and stood behind her as she held Bucky's t-shirt in her grip.

"It's better this way." Mila slipped his red shirt on the hem ending mid-thigh and the buttons left her cleavage exposed. "I got over it years ago. There are more deserving women who suffer from similar complications. Why should I covet having an infant that would only be used against me one day when they have loving homes craving a child to complete their families? Hell, who would I even want to be a dad? I mean there's you but…"

"You don't have to say it." He spoke looking at the floor. Mila nodded and made her way to the kitchen. She didn't want to keep dwelling on this topic. She wanted to have a happy Christmas morning.

"I'm going to figure out breakfast. You get me some music playing for Christmas." Bucky watched her walk away and tried to figure out how he was going to get her music. That meant getting out her laptop, which he didn't know much about. He went into the living room where the device had been forgotten about the previous night and he opened it up and looked at the screen. It was a stopped image from the Frozen movie. He tried to remember what Mila did on this thing to get back to select things.

"Icon top right corner." She called from the kitchen turning a burner on.

"Thank you." He called back. Following her directions he saw nothing but movie selections. He brought the laptop closer and looked at the sidebar. He found one labeled music and moved the mouse and clicked on the word and then a slew of album covers greeted him. Shit which one should he pick? He wanted to lighten her mood but he couldn't think of anything, a majority of the songs he had never heard before. He scrolled and looked on baffled. Who came up with the names of some of these songs and bands?

"What is a Disco and why are they panicking at it?" Bucky asked. Mila laughed from the kitchen and he heard something drop. "I'm being serious." She walked over to the living room doorway and leaned against the wall a spatula in her hand

"Just pick a song!" She said smiling like an idiot at his innocence. He pouted and clicked on a song that he couldn't even read the entire title to and waited. The computer thought for a moment and began playing something slightly jazzy. "Good choice." She said walking back to the kitchen. Bucky put the laptop on the coffee table and went to the kitchen only to find Mila singing along to the fast paced words quietly. She even had small dance moves she brought out to match up with the words. When she turned to grab something off the counter she stopped when she saw Bucky.

"Careful you get too carried away dancing that shirt'll reveal everything." Bucky commented. Mila only smirked in response. God, how he wished this was the norm for them not being on the run and fighting Hydra. He wanted mornings like this. Goofing off, flirting, and dancing. However their earlier conversation proved this was just a brief distraction from the pain in their lives. He smiled back at her if only to make sure she stayed in her good mood. He may not be able to be the man she could have a family with but he would do everything he could to make sure she was safe and could try and have a family. Looking at how calm she seemed was reassuring that maybe he could get there one day, it may take years but he could do it. With Mila he could be a family man even if they were the only ones in the family.

"Stop lookin at me like that." Mila said turning around blushing.

"Like what?" He asked walking closer as she leaned against the counter.

"Like you want to wrap me in your arms and take me away." She said putting her arms around his shoulders.

"Well if you weren't so hot…" He commented placing his hands on her hips intentionally bunching up the fabric of his shirt.

"Please, I'm not burn the house down material." She said leaning closer.

"I beg to differ." He said before claiming her mouth with his own.

…

"Damnit Steve you're going to burn the house down!" Sam said walking into the kitchen. The burnt smell of whatever it was Steve had tried to cook was filling up the kitchen on Steve's level of Stark Tower. Steve turned the burners down and looked into the pot frowning.

"I followed the directions."

"Yeah well, maybe you should just accept that Tony is catering your Christmas dinner this year." Sam turned the stove off hoping to deter his friend from any more cooking.

"But you always enjoy a home cooked meal for Christmas." Steve stated walking to the trash to check the box he threw away. He was determined to bring some dish to the Christmas party Tony was throwing tonight.

"Well that maybe true but I didn't come here to discuss your culinary skills or lack thereof." Sam crossed his arms and looked at his friend who had a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"You have a lead?"

"It's a small one, there's this place out in Austria, a Hydra base was taken down there and a civilian caught some footage of it put it on youtube." Sam grabbed his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Steve showing him the video. It showed someone, obviously male, running out of the burning ruble of a factory. The voices on the video were shouting over each other as sirens blared in the background. People exclaiming in fear about the place and they needed help. Some were worried about survivors trapped inside but the loudest voice came from the person obviously holding the phone and following the figures until they reached the woods, his words were clearest. 'Ist das der Winter Soldat? er läuft weg.' (Is that the winter solider? He's running way.) Steve watched the video a second time but it was too blurry to be certain. Although how many people would be fleeing form a Hydra base?

"Get the jet ready."

"Steve you sure? I mean they will probably notice you skipping the Christmas party."

"We can't let this lead slip away too." Steve said throwing the contents of his cooking into the sink to let the garbage disposal take care of. Sam sighed and walked out the door but not before Natasha was standing at the entrance to Steve's floor.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sam asked looking at the woman who honestly looked like she could use a nap.

"Traveling." She retorted walking in to the floor trying to find Steve. "Did you see that youtube clip?" Natasha asked Sam, her nose turning up at the smell of burnt food. "Is something on fire?"

"Steve was cooking." Natasha nodded her head.

"Should have known."

"You talking about the one with The Winter Solider?" Natasha frowned.

"Yeah I staged that one so don't take it as an actual lead."

"Why would you do that?" Sam asked following her towards Steve room. She went in without knocking and grabbed his hand as he went to grab his shield from beside the door.

"Austria is a cold lead." She stated locking her eyes with his.

"That's where you've been?" Steve asked incredulously.

"Yes, but I was trying to find Mila."

"Lyudmila? You mean Betty? Why?" Steve asked removing her hand from his.

"Because I felt responsible for her safety." Natasha said thinking of the irony that she had to protect the woman who taught her most everything she knew.

"I thought you said you didn't know her." Steve shot crossing his arms and his jaw clenching.

"Steve it's very complicated what she's been through and-"

"yeah we know." Sam said from behind her not wanting to enter the room.

"How?" She said turning between the two.

"She kept a notebook of the Red Room's work on her under her bed. We know everything except how she got free." Steve said. "Do you have that answer?"

"Yes." Natasha said looking down more ashamed that she had kept a secret from Steve so long when she just earned his trust. She was trying to go straight but she had a loyalty and promise to the woman who helped her escape years ago.

"Well?" Steve commented.

"Remember what I told you about Odessa and the Winter Solider?"

"Took out your car, fell off a cliff and he took out the target by shooting through you."

"Right, well Mila was there. I knew she wasn't supposed to be. By the time I graduated from the Red Room Academy I knew enough about her to know how to take her down. It was for her own good so I took her in and we operated. With Tony's help we were able to deactivate the technology Hydra put in her to take away her emotions and make her compliant. We couldn't remove it or we'd kill her."

"Tony? Does Fury know? Why didn't they recruit her?" Steve asked.

"Because she didn't want anything to do with Hydra or the Red Room, that including using her skills for the good guys. She was a mess Rogers. How do you think you'd handle all that she did?" Natasha sharply spat. He sighed and looked away from her. The Betty he remembered was fighting for the cause, she had every intention to live a normal life with Bucky after the war. It made sense that she would want to wash her hands of everything after she was free. It also explained the lack of presence Corpral Beatrice Raden Strategist for the Howling Commandos made in the history books and the Smithsonian. She had erased herself so she could disappear.

"How'd you know Betty?" Steve asked.

"I didn't. I knew Lyudmila. That was the name they made us call her when she trained the recruits of the Black Widow Special Ops program."

"She trained you?" Sam asked. Natasha just smiled and batted her eyes, she thought that was a point clearly made.

"Then you obviously didn't find her?"

"No. I came back because Stark said you guys lost Loki's Scepter and it needs to be found."

"Wait what?" Steve asked upset.

"Who is Logi?" Sam asked. "That crazy dude who put the wormhole up there?" Sam asked pointing at the ceiling. He remembered the news stories.

"Loki." She corrected.

"Tony didn't say anything to us!"

"Guess it was his Christmas present."

* * *

 **AN: I'm going to put a poll up on my profile on if you guys want me to write the prequel of Betty in the War with Bucky or Mila's life within he academy and with Hydra. please take it**


	21. A New Life

**AN: Thank you for everything and I'm sorry I just started a new job and I'm tryign to balance life.**

 **TRIGGER: YOUTH DEATH**

 **That being said let's move on to this happy chapter...**

* * *

 _Can't take the fire_  
 _'Til you've fallen from grace_  
 _Cause I need a man_  
 _A man who's got blood on his hands_  
 _And the truth on his face_

 _I've seen dark nights_  
 _Dark nights_

 _But only the darkest light can deliver my love_

 _Dark Nights- Dorthy (totally Mila's Theme song)_

* * *

"Let's go out for New Year's." Mila suggested while they finished loading what little belongs they had in the back of the SUV. Bucky stopped shoving his new favorite sniper rifle into the trunk and looked at Mila with disbelief. While their Christmas passed with peaceful relaxation and only minor hiccups of Hydra and Red Room induced nightmares, they were about to get serious all over again and head out.

"I'm sorry what did you say?"

"Let's go out for New Year's?" She rephrased as a question rather than a statement. Bucky scoffed shutting the trunk hatch.

"Your cabin fever is going to your damn head." He muttered walking back into the house past Mila. She let out a sigh of frustration and grabbed his metal arm trying and failing to get him to stop.

"Bucky, c'mon." She said following him inside. He turned around and looked over her head the smile he wore was not from amusement.

"I don't understand why there should even be a discussion here." He slowly looked down to see her set expression. "But by all means," He started putting his arms out seeing he needed to draw a picture for her. "let's just go out in public and hope there are no Hydra agents out and about. Let's not forget I don't even know what people do in this century to celebrate. Oh and finally the fireworks! Let's expose the man who is easily trigged to some fucking fireworks. Sounds like a great time." Mila slumped and her face fell as he went on proving how stupid of an idea it was. She may have gone on assignments for Hydra but she never made it to the battlefields of WWII like Bucky had. She remembered how at the VA some of Sam's friends talked about how they hated holidays with fireworks. She felt utterly moronic for the lighthearted suggestion. She pressed her lips into a fine line and brushed past him but Bucky stopped her putting his arm up and grabbing the side of her arm. "That was rude. I'm sorry. You were just-" She shook her head.

"No you're right." She said swallowing the lump in her throat. "It was dumb." She maneuvered her way out of his grasp and walked back to the bedroom to make sure they didn't leave anything behind. Bucky watched her leave upset at both her suggestion and his reaction. When would he finally just do things without thinking of everything that could go wrong? Clearly Mila was past that stage. He wondered how long it took her before she stopped looking over her shoulder. Bucky walked back out to the SUV and got in the driver seat and warmed up the car. He watched the snow fall on the windshield and contemplated going on to Sokovia to continue their hunt for Hydra. What was it getting him anyway? He enjoyed spending time with Mila and forgetting about the threats of the world. He wanted to play the past few days on repeat until they died of old age. Would they even age? He began drumming his fingers against the steering wheel thinking how Hydra really screwed him out of a normal life. He heard the front door slam and Mila walked out with her head down and instead of getting in the passenger seat she sat in the back seat behind the passenger seat. Bucky didn't say a thing about it as he put the car in reverse to find their way back to the main highway. Mila had the side of her face pressed against the glass of the window and took a shaky breath.

"When the Red Room took the women in I was separated from the group because of my medical training back in the United States. It was just John and I, we had a room that was dark and musty but I still didn't have the slightest clue what they wanted with my medical skills." Mila stopped to see Bucky was looking at her through the rearview mirror. He looked back to the road and she continued. "I had to just patch up the orphans. They told me that they would get into fights often. I grew worried when I saw how extensive the damage would be from their fights. It wasn't schoolyard bullying. These were wounds I saw on the front lines. When I asked how they were getting these wounds the people in charge shrugged it off. I didn't realize that not only were they watching the orphans performance, but mine. I was the only volunteer who didn't die thanks to the serum. It was because I was an O Blood type. It was after the last church volunteer died that they asked me to replace her in the classroom. I taught the girls English. It's like the KGB operatives there knew my past with my mom. They said 'make sure their English is flawless. They won't survive adoption in the States if they think their communists.'. I saw you in there shortly after."

"What?" Bucky asked turning back briefly to look at Mila.

"Yeah. I couldn't believe it either."

 _Betty coughed walking back from the lesson with the girls. She was expected to work from sunrise to sundown doing various tasks for the men who called themselves 'hope-bringers'. When she was done with rounds in the med bay she would teach the young orphaned girls English. If it wasn't for her mother slipping the Mother lands language into conversations with her daughters Betty would be completely clueless. Her throat ached for water but that was about the extent of her needs. She hardly felt tired since she got in the Academy and often found that she couldn't sit still, if she wasn't in the classroom doing something than she walked back to the medical rooms to assist nurses and doctors. John was always in a class of his own with a couple boys. Betty would go into the 'Wolf Spider' room as they called it to check on him from time to time but they were always sitting at their desks patiently learning. Betty always asked what he learned and John would always say the same thing; 'We learned about America.'. He never mentioned they were learning about the corrupt system or being brainwashed at such a young age to hate the capitalist society. How could the four year old know that? Betty chose this day to take an alternate route to the kitchen to grab a snack for herself and John when she heard a clatter across the hall. The nurse in her wanted to see if someone was injured but when she turned the corner she heard more yelling. It sounded familiar somehow even though no words were being said. She looked around the hall before approaching the door where the noise was coming from. The lights in the hall flickered and she heard more screaming. Betty knew she should have just turned around especially in this place where girls came to her in the medic ward with broken bones, but she was compelled to see what the commotion was. She looked through the window on the door and saw a man in a chair getting what she could only presume was electro-shock therapy. She couldn't be certain because three broad figures covered him. One man moved across the room and she could see a metal arm on the man in the chair. Her eyes widen taking in the sight. All she could think was how dumb could they be to send electric currents through someone with a metal arm. The lights in the room dimmed and the screaming picked back up. Betty gasped as she saw the metal hand clench in pain and she pressed her back on the door not even thinking of the noise. When the screaming stopped she looked back through the window and couldn't see the three men she only saw the man slumped over in the chair shirtless, hair a mess, and breathing heavily. The door flung open and a man grabbed her arm before she could escape. "I'm sorry." She began before a hand met the side of her face with a crack ._

 _"_ _my yeye ubit?" (Do we kill her?) The man holding her asked as he drug her into the room. She struggled and easily slipped out of his grip. Her freedom was short lived as one of the other men enclosed her in a bear hug from behind._

 _"No she survived. We'll begin the procedure early." The man's English made her more afraid. Betty kicked and screamed hoping some good hearted volunteer like her would appear and get her out of there. Her screaming only made the man in the chair groan as he lifted his head._

 _"Betty?" She heard the man croak. She stopped and looked at him, it was Bucky. Her lip trembled and whispered his name._

 _"Oh you two know each other?" The man said walking around blocking Betty's view of Bucky which only caused her to struggle._

 _"What did you do to him you communist bastards?! What is this place?"_

 _"We have fixed him. We are making him better. The same thing we will do to you. Fetch the boy, he will make good insurance." Betty twisted her body and got out of the man's hold only to be tackled and pinned to the ground._

 _"Let… her… go…" Bucky breathed out unable to move himself due to the restraints of the chair he was in._

 _"Relax Soldier, she is in good hands." The man said walking over to the operating table to grab a syringe filled with a clear liquid._

"Why don't I remember that?" Bucky asked.

"Because that was when they were originally trying to brainwash you. They experimented on you in cruel ways. The Russians had the monopoly on brainwashing back then. Hydra agreed to let them break you and they gave them a messed up super solider formula that they were using on us volunteers. It was a fucked up time to say the least." Bucky nodded slowly and put his attention back on the road. The more he tried to think about being in the Red Room the more of a headache he got.

"Why do you remember?"

"I had two purposes. The first; loyalty to the Red Room as an elite intelligence agent. I would go into the field and collect data they needed, that meant a photographic memory." Mila said bringing her knees up to her chest. "I got information you would have needed to complete missions."

"What was the second purpose?"

"Obedience to Hydra." She muttered.

"How did-what method… how could they-"

"Break us?"

"Yes."

"It was easy for me. You put up a fight. My compliance came from my need to protect John. You fought hoping you could overpower them and get us all out of there." Mila put her head down and spoke softly. "and I wish you could have."

 _The screaming was non-stop while the KGB continued their three day period of torture on Bucky. He never saw Betty after that small moment she was being drug away. He didn't know what they did to her but he had to fight if only to bring her corpse back to the United States. The electric shock stopped briefly and a man with a red beret walked in front of him with a clipboard._

 _"This woman," He showed him a picture of Betty that was taken as she registered to volunteer. "willingly came to us. She said something about having a fighting spirit and she needed to use it somewhere. Sound like your girl?" Bucky didn't respond he only tried to catching his breath from the pain raking his body and the tightness of his muscles. When the machine was off he just wanted to sleep but they made sure he was always awake. Bucky heard the phrase there's no rest for the wicked, apparently that person was confused. The phrase should have been no rest in the company of the wicked. "She came in with this man," He showed Bucky a picture of Betty walking in the Academy side by side with a male volunteer she had never met. "her husband Wilbur." The man lied, Bucky not being the wiser. Bucky's brows furrowed at the thought. She moved on, she went back to that asshole. It shouldn't have come to a shock to him, she thought Bucky was dead. That typically freed a woman from a proposal. "Did you know her? She seems a good woman. Very beautiful, smart, funny. A fine prize for a man to claim as his bride." Bucky gritted his teeth at the stranger's broken English._

 _"She's not a prize to win."_

 _"Jealously? I don't think she would be concerned for your feelings. She has clear priorities now." Bucky glared at the man. "She is with child. Looks like the husband did claim her as his." The man continued looking at the clipboard only glancing out of the corner of his eye to gauge Bucky's reaction. It was the one he was looking for._

 _"I don't believe that." Bucky said. The KGB officer smiled and pulled one of many forged documents from his clipboard to present to the American. He held the paper in front of his face and through the dimly lit room Bucky scanned the paper and sure enough saw that the patient, Beatrice Mitchell, was pregnant. She was married and starting a family without Bucky._

 _"If your strong will is fighting for her, you've lost her." Bucky shook his head and looked to the dirty tiled floor. No he knew Steve would still come for him. If he lost Betty, he still had Steve. Till the end of the line, that's what they promised. "Good night Solider." The man walked away making Bucky afraid. The lights shut off and there was no way he could tell if it was actually day or night. Betty watched from a room where monitors lined the wall. She was tied to her own chair._

 _"What will you gain from this?" she asked against her better judgement. On que a bucket of ice cold water hit her making her jump. Every time she spoke up when she wasn't supposed to she was hit with the cold water. It wouldn't have been so bad if the room wasn't freezing. Her body got tired of shivering all the time. A man walked around with an empty bucket and crossed his arms._

 _"We will have the very best. Though, with you, we will get to test some of Hydra's technology. I can't wait."_

 _"We defeated Hydra last year." She muttered. A hand smacked her freezing cold cheek making her whimper._

 _"You only think you did. Tell me, who do you think put the metal arm on your lover?" He nodded back to the monitor. She should have known. Organizations like Hydra weren't easily taken down. They had all been too foolish to think the base in Norway was the last of it. "Now, who else does this man care for? Consider your answer carefully. Wouldn't want a matching scar would we?" He said taking a knife out and grazing it over left thigh. She remained silent which made the man nod slowly and purse his lips. "I suppose, I can call the Wolf Spider room. Send John in here and ask him." Betty's breath caught in her throat._

 _"Steve Rogers. His siblings in Brooklyn. The Howling Commandos." She rattled it all out thinking back to anyone else Bucky mentioned in their personal conversations late night in her tent._

 _"And the Rogers man died, correct?" The man asked tearing the fabric of her skirt. Betty nodded trying not to cry if only for her pride. "Anything else that will help me?" She shook her head and glanced up at the monitor that showed John sitting in the classroom with eight other boys hands busy writing in a crylic text he would never use. She felt a sharp pain on her thigh and hissed._

 _"Nothing. I can't think of anything right now." She said. He removed the knife observing the few drops of blood on the shining blade._

 _"Very well. I shall see you bright and early. There are girls getting wounded and they need a nurse." The door slammed shut making Betty flinch and she looked at the pitch black screen knowing Bucky was there, isolated, hungry, and tired. She heard screaming from the monitor, they were torturing Bucky, keeping him awake. She looked at John on the screen and saw him standing in front of the class pointing at things and teaching the class English words. Betty cried. John was innocent and she drug him into this. He was now training these communists for terrible things in the future. That's what all the American's in this place were getting turned into; communist weapons._

"I betrayed you. I gave up so much information so they could break you." Mila spoke.

"You were protecting John." Bucky said trying to excuse her behavior after a long pause. He couldn't be upset with her for that.

"I failed him then." She whispered. Bucky heard her though and he wished he hadn't. He knew John wasn't her son but it still had to be worse than hell to live through with all the guilt she carried. She was left to care for John in her sister's will and she failed them both. Bucky looked for something to change the topic to.

"We're going to find a contact in Kiev." Bucky stated.

"What for? She asked mindlessly.

"For information." He couldn't see it but he could feel Mila's glare.

"Really?" Her voice was dripping with disdain.

"I ain't pullin your leg." Bucky said with a slight laugh. Mila groaned and climbed up to the passenger seat alarming Bucky at first who swerved into the other lane for a moment. "What are you doing?" He asked as her ass found the seat.

"It'll be easier to hit you when you're being a punk if I'm closer." She stated lightly punching his arm.

"Easy now, I'm driving." He stated smug that his plan to turn Mila away from the depressing facts of their lives was working.

"I don't care. You're still being a punk." She stated putting the seatbelt on. Bucky nodded slowly and focused back on the road in front of him. Mila turned up the radio and they listened to the pop music spewing out in a language they barely understood. It calmed Mila down though just as music always did but Bucky's mind began to wander.

 _It had been six months give or take. He couldn't be certain, there was no way of telling the days from nights. He knew he was given food on some inconsistent bases, about once a week. The water was sulfuric in taste and dirty but that was always given to him after his mouth felt driest. It's like the man who brought him this stuff knew his every feeling. He wished that man knew how tired he was. Sleep had been brief in all the moments he was locked in this room. Any time he closed his eyes longer than a couple minutes he would jump thinking he heard the buzz of the electric prod. He didn't know how they managed it but the entire floor was wired to electrocute anyone in there. In short, it was hell. He could hear every clink of keys outside which sent him on edge afraid for what they would do once they came in. He was so desperate to just talk to someone. He was afraid if he was kept alone with his guilty thoughts a moment longer he would get creative and find a way to kill himself. They already told him Steve died because Bucky didn't complete his mission. Betty was beaten to death and miscarried the child she had by Wilbur's hand because Bucky couldn't protect her. He saw the pictures of everything as proof. He hated himself. Hydra was still alive which meant the SSR failed as did the entire Allied Forces. Everything he believed in had been destroyed and it was his fault. He muttered it to himself most days how he was to blame for everything. It was this same mantra that Betty would hear for days on end. 'It's my fault. It's my fault.'. There was only one thing Betty hated more in those six months than hearing Bucky blame himself and lose his damn mind thanks to all the lies the KGB was putting in his head. It was seeing her nephew enter the room and looking at her falling apart._

 _John was sent into the monitor room to see how his aunt was still being 'very bad' and he got to hear the man he played with last Christmas scream and cry. It was the same time John started to be afraid to see his aunt and go in the room that he got deathly sick. He would cry for nights on end because of his fever that the men in the Red Room made sure to keep high. It made Betty highly compliant to get on the surgery table when a cure for his illness was promised. Little did she know that Hydra finally put the finishing touches on a mind control device that would alter the chemical make-up of the brain and its capacity. The surgery was only a third of the way through when the anesthetic wore off and she woke up in the middle of them cutting into her brain screaming. They gave her a second dose._

 _Bucky was finally given his second chance to get out of the cell, they only asked he comply. It was really the better option, to accept their beliefs and join them. Everything he knew had been in ruins. Without hesitance he agreed. He was drug out too weak to fight back but the enticing smell of a fresh hot dog reminded him of something he loved. It also smelled like vanilla and lavender in the empty hall, so he gladly let the two men pull him along. His feet fumbled too many times trying to walk so he gave up and went limp. When the smells were almost too good for him to believe he glanced up expecting a warm meal but only saw a chair with a huge metal contraption around it. He didn't even fight the men taking him closer to the seat. He welcomed it hoping it would just kill him._

 _"Kill him." The voice spoke. Betty looked at the gun in her hand and saw the crying child in front of her. To those on the outside she looked like she was thinking about following orders. In her head she was really trying to remember how to use the firearm in her hand. She had no problem complying with the orders. The child began to look at her and sobbed out her name._

 _"Auntie Bet, it hurts." He coughed. She clicked the safety off realizing that would prevent her from her assignment. "It hurts. Auntie Bet make it stop." He cried out again his tear stained face burning red. She aimed the gun at his head and he looked her in the eyes. "No, Auntie Bet, guns are for war." He said saying something Betty always told her nephew when he said he would spot a toy gun in a shop window. "Auntie Bet?" She pulled the trigger and his brains splattered on the concrete behind him and his body went limp falling to the side. The blood pooled around Mila's feet and she turned to face the man who gave her her orders._

 _"_ _It is a succsess." The voice claimed. "_ _You didn't need him. You will be taking care of someone else now." A heavily accented voice told her. She held the gun out to give to the man who spoke. "Just wait until the boys hear how successful we were. They might make you the new Asset." He took the gun and pointed it between her eyes. She didn't flinch. She didn't know fear. "You are too perfect." He put the gun down and nodded to a double sided mirror and a door opened. In stepped two more uniformed men on either side of the Winter Solider. He stood in front of Mila and she eyed him wondering if she would need to kill him next. Something in his eyes flickered from the blankness she was originally greeted with._

 _"_ _Betty." He whispered. Mila tilted her head, she recognized the name as her own but the man who gave her orders said she had a new name now. There was a whirling noise coming from the arm as the Winter Solider prepared to fight._

 _"_ _Stop him!" Mila's handler spoke. Mila instantly jumped into action doing what she could to stop a man with a metal arm. She quickly realized he didn't want to fight her and was trying to get a hold on her. She took the gun out and aimed. "Do not kill!" She relocated to shot grazing his right shoulder. He hit the floor and was beaten by the two KGB officers. Mila looked back awaiting her next order. "We will have to wipe him again. Send him back. We need to clear everything. If she is to fulfil her role, he cannot be breaking our programing at her face." The men nodded and drug the limp body away._

 _"_ _Bet…ty…" He mumbled. Mila paid him no mind she looked back at her handler._

 _"_ _Remember what I said, you do not respond to that name. You are only to respond to the one I gave."_

 _"_ _I remember. What are my orders?"_

 _"_ _You need to train." He said ushering her away from the dead child still soaking the cement with his hot blood. Mila walked right through the growing puddle on her way out leaving red footprints in her wake._

Mila wondered if Bucky remembered seeing John dead on the ground, Lord knows she never forgot the image. Although, she wasn't about to ask. When the city came into view she figured they had more important things to focus on than the Red Room breaking them down. Looking at the streets she saw people bustling about and cheerful. She wanted to be like them so bad. Bucky parked behind a building not too far into the city and grabbed the winter coats from the back of the SUV, not that they needed them. It was only to blend in. People noticed when you walked around in just a long sleeve shirt in below freezing weather. Mila joined him around the driver side and slipped her coat on.

"Where to?" She asked.

"There's a bar, we'll start there. See if he's alive." Bucky spoke walking to the back of the vehicle to grab a pistol for himself and Mila. He tucked his in pants and held the firearm out to Mila for her to hide where she chose. She stuck in her pants against the small of her back and began walking. Bucky quickly matched her pace and threw an arm around her shoulders trying to give the image of a couple. Mila didn't mind it at all. When they passed a few small groups of friends wandering about on the holiday Mila spoke up.

"So, what's am I looking for with this contact? Look like you? Or is he handsome?" Mila said joking. Bucky stopped and licked his lips not believing her insult.

"I'm sorry what was that?" He said with a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. She tugged him closer smirking.

"I didn't stutter." She said. Bucky tugged her into an alley quickly and pinned her up against the wall with only his hips, he held her wrists down at her sides.

"You know I'd hate to kick your ass, being how nice it looks and all." She cocked a brow at his statement.

"Please." She said with an over exaggerated eye roll.

"Cover; American tourists. Honeymoon."

"People don't get married in the winter and come to Ukraine." She said. Bucky looked to the ground trying to think of another not realizing his flesh thumb was drawing circles on her wrist. "Although I am interested to know why you want to be on a honeymoon with me." She stated. Bucky brushed off her comment skipping to another bit of information he needed to share.

"He's got a big scar on his face. Crescent. Left brow to chin. And he had blond hair. Could be gray now. Only sports a mustache." Bucky said leading her back out of the alley. Mila put her arm around his waist as they walked. She could live with the cover story, it seemed fitting after all, they had been engaged for nearly 72 years now.

"What's his name?" She asked looking out for the description of the man Bucky was trying to find for Lord knows what reason.

"Peter." He said too quickly.

"What information does he have?"

"Don't worry about it. This bar right here." He stated headed into the busy area. People were there laughing enjoying themselves and toasting over silly things. The approaching new year was too exciting for the normal drum of bar life. Mila worried if all these people would make Bucky uncomfortable but she saw he couldn't be more at ease as he sat at the end of the bar patting his thigh for Mila to sit on his lap. Mila smiled but on the inside was wondering how he was so deep in his cover so naturally. She couldn't remember any assignment where the Winter Solider had a partner. With Bucky pulling her closer so her hip pressed into his stomach the pair sat at the bar while people were happily buzzed. The real celebrations would grow louder and more rambunctious as the night drawled on. Mila wasn't expecting the leather gloved hand to stay resting on her thighs as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders waiting to be served. The bartender looked nothing like the man they were looking for. Bucky ordered two shots of vodka using the Brooklyn accent clear as day. It made Mila blushing hearing him talk like his old self.

"How long will we wait?" She asked leaning in to make it look like she was whispering dirty things.

"As long as it takes. He owned this place. He'll turn up." Bucky finished as two glasses appeared before them. Bucky slid some of the foreign money across the bar nodding that he should take it all as a tip. The bartender smiled tucking it and walking away to help another customer.

"Where'd you get that?" She asked grabbing her glass and handing Bucky his own.

"Money counts as supplies. Hydra has income from everywhere." Mila gave a nod of approval and lifted her glass the pair quickly taking their shots courtesy of Hydra.

The pair had been in the bar for four hours and the darkness was falling in the city the streetlights making the snow glow as people with flashing headbands and noisemakers filtered in and out of the pubs and restaurants getting their final hurrah in before the new year. Mila and Bucky put away enough alcohol themselves that they should have been as drunk as those partiers who started this morning but neither stumbled as they made their way to the pool table. Mila stood leaning against the stick only tipsy. She watched as Bucky lined up the shot hitting the que ball and making three of his solid colored balls go in the pockets. Mila groaned and Bucky looked smug as ever.

"You're fucking cheating." She said leaning over the table and figuring out how to get just one go in. There was a small crowd gathered around them watching their game but it didn't bother either of them. They established when Bucky broke the set that none of these people were threats. Bucky kept his attention on Mila watching her leaning over the table. He started thinking of inappropriate images blaming it on the alcohol that he had had. The loud clank of the que ball against the 11 broke Bucky's thoughts and Mila glanced up at him with hooded eyes trying not to look impressed with her shot. She really hated this game. She didn't know how Bucky talked her into it. She walked around the table to him and grabbed ahold of his pool stick tugging it a little. She leaned in smirking close to his ear.

"Target is at your seven o'clock." She whispered. Bucky looked shocked to say the least when she pulled back. "What?" She said looking at the man behind Bucky. Then he quickly turned around, uncharacteristic of someone trying to conduct shady information exchanges. When Bucky found the man in question he burst out laughing and Mila was now the surprised one. "Is that not him?" She asked.

"No way." He said turning around smiling. Mila was taken aback by thet fact that he seemed to actually find this funny.

"Bucky what's going on?" She asked as he lightly grabbed her hand around his stick and looked into her brown eyes.

"I made it all up. I just wanted an excuse to be out for New Year's." He brushed past her to take his turn at the game. Mila stood slack jawed a hand on her hip.

"This coming from the man who made me feel like a fucking idiot for suggesting we go out?" A spectator nudged his friend. They didn't understand what the couple was saying but it was clear Mila was pissed. They'd want to see if she hit him or not.

"I was thinking on the drive here." He hit the que ball again knocking another ball into the pocket. Mila glared at Bucky before looking down at the table to figure out her next shot.

"What'd you come up with Einstien?" She said bitterly. She hit the ball too hard and it flew off the table rolling onto the floor hitting a random person. Bucky got the ball back and put it on the table.

"I'll tell you when I win." He said lining up the shot to put the eight ball in the pocket. At the last second Mila put her hand up and blocked the ball from going in not caring about the rules of the game. She put her stick against the table and nodded to the door walking away. Bucky grabbed their jackets from the back of a nearby chair. Bucky followed and found her standing outside under the street light. The music from the bars flooded the street but most people had found a nice warm bar stool to be in with the new year fast approaching. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight back and forth on either leg. Bucky offered her the black jacket and she batted it out of his hand.

"I don't understand? You told me this morning that it would be dumb! I've felt like an ass the better part of the day. What made you change your mind? And why wouldn't you just tell me?" She said more upset that she didn't catch on to his ploy earlier. He was never looking at the crowd trying to find a target. He never asked anyone for information about the target. He was simply out and about trying to enjoy the holiday with Mila. His attention was almost solely on her the entire time they were in the bar. He ordered enough alcohol that they could at least enjoy a buzz. He picked the dumbest cover ever, American newlyweds so that they could speak English to each other.

"Well, in the car we were talking about all the bad shit that the Red Room did to break us," Bucky leaned against the lamp post. "and I remember bits of that. But the lies they told me, the doubt they put in me, all the deceptive tricks to get me to comply… it was nothing compared to what they did to you. The way they tested your compliance, that's some hellish shit to live through every day on your conscience." Mila's arms dropped to her sides and tears started to from and she walked around not wanting to stand facing him any longer. "I just figured maybe I could just humor you to try and lighten your mood. God knows that at least you deserve to have some happiness." Mila shook her head and heard his boots crunching in the snow as he got closer. "I figured getting to see some fireworks tonight might be a good start." He draper her jacket over her shoulders and could feel her body starting to shake not form the cold but from the emotions about to pour out.

"But I betrayed everyone. I don't deserve anything Buck." She cried. Bucky slowly moved around her and stood in front of her. He didn't know how to console her but that didn't mean he couldn't try. He wrapped her in his arms and rubbed her back.

"You deserve so much better than what you got." She shook her head.

"No, if any one was robbed it was you and I kept betraying you." Bucky's hold tightened as he thought about how she had no choice in giving up information for the Red Room to break him. He couldn't hold a grudge against that.

"It's nearly the New Year, do they still make resolutions?" He asked pulling back and looking at her tear stained cheeks. She nodded slowly. "Mine is simple; my next and last kill will be the Red Sentinel and after that I resolve to live with you in god knows where getting my head back on straight." Mila forced a smile despite her glum mood. His resolution didn't lift her spirits. "What about you?" He asked trying if only briefly to pretend that they were normal. That there wasn't at least a dozen drunken KGB officers on this street who would report seeing the Winter Solider out and about. Mila shook her head and couldn't think of anything. She pretty much hated herself now for all that she had done and Bucky wanted to forgive her for everything. How could this man go through hell and still be so trusting of her.

"I don't know Buck." She looked down and Bucky grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.

"C'mon it's a New Year. A New Beginning. Hydra Free. I mean we've spent the past four months hunting them down and what has come of it? Nothing. We're just adding to our victim's list." He said pointing out the obvious.

"I…." She thought about what she wanted to do now that they were going to try and get back to normal and forget the life Hydra and the Red Room trained them for. There was only one thing she could do that would actually lift the weight she'd been carrying and let her feel better. Was she brave enough to do that? Mila already used up every last good memory they had together it would only be a matter of time before he found out anyway. " I resolve to… tell-" She heard the counting down in the Ukrainian language from ten and she looked around, people were moving out of the bars and out onto the streets. She moved closer to Buck not wanting to lose him in the crowd.

Five… Mila looked into his blue eyes wishing she could just say it

Four… Bucky brushed her hair back looking at her with concern

Three… Mila held his gloved metal hand against her cheek knowing it was her fault he was treated like this

Two… Bucky tilted her head up and closed his eyes

One… Mila closed hers too, because despite everything she still loved this man and hoped he would find it to love her back.

2015 The pair closed the space between them and kissed longer than they ever had. Fireworks exploded and Bucky flinched slightly for the first explosion but as long as he was holding Mila he would be alright. War, murder, gunfire, it didn't happen when she was around. So he ran his fingers through her hair and she grabbed his forearms. She knew from the moment she first saw him at the base camp 70 years ago that he would be nothing but trouble and she couldn't stop it. She was never more right. She pulled back and looked and his handsome face and saw how his blue eyes danced with happiness and the fireworks reflected off his skin beautifully. Bucky kissed her forehead and turned her so they could both watch the fireworks, his hold on her never leaving.

"Happy New Year Buck." It was the only thing she could say. She wouldn't ruin the moment with the truth.

"Happy New Year Mila."

 **AN: Sorry this was longer. And this ending was difficult to get out. But I hope it was ok. But what the hell is Mila's secret? huh? please review. Maybe ill give you some hints in a PM if you review**


	22. I think we have an emergency

**AN: thank you for your support of my story. I can't believe I've made it over twenty chapters. I hope it's still going as strong and you all are enjoying watching Bucky and Mila grow. I really want to know what you guys think. Thanks to abstract0118 for your loyal reviews. If any of you have suggestions let me know.**

 _Well I can't pretend that I don't see this_

 _It's really not your fault_

 _And no one cares to talk about it_

 _To talk about it_

 _Cause I've seen love die way too many times_

 _When it deserved to be alive_

 _And I've seen you cry way too many times_

 _When you deserved to be alive, alive_

 _The scars, they will not fade away_

 _Emergency-Paramore_

Mila and Bucky had found their way back to the SUV shortly after the fireworks were over and Bucky chose to drive to an isolated hotel away from the rest of the festivities. He used more of the money he had been stealing from the Hydra bases to check them in and Mila began to let her guilt eat at her. Bucky wanted to start anew with the new year but how could he if she wasn't being honest with him? She lay on the bed thinking about what Hydra and the Red Room constructed her to be and she felt a weight on her thighs. She lifted her head and saw Bucky had thrown a towel over her.

"I'm going to take a shower." He said walking into the bathroom. Mila fiddled with the towel but not getting up. She heard the door hit the sink as Bucky opened it but she never heard it close. Her brow furrowed at the thought that he was physically showing her he wanted to let her in. She turned over on her stomach groaning. He was finally going to give her the openness she wanted them to have and now she was building up a wall against to protect one of her last secrets. Bucky walked back out into the bedroom part and sat down beside Mila wondering if he should rub her back to soothe her. "You ok?" He asked. Mila turned her head to look at him.

"Just tired." Bucky nodded and gave her back a quick rub.

"Good night then baby doll, I'll try not to wake you. Just leave me room ok?" Mila stuck her tongue out not wanting him to think anything was wrong. He was finally in a good mood and she wouldn't ruin it for him.

"Maybe, if you're lucky I will." With that she spread her arms and legs out trying to take up as much of the king sized bed as she could. Bucky let out a huge sigh and easily rolled her onto her back and put his hands on either side of her.

"I'm going to try." Bucky said scanning her face. Mila couldn't hide her trembling lip at his words. "What's wrong?" Bucky asked smile falling.

"I'm just proud of your progress." She said hoping her cover worked. It was a lot harder to brush things off when he was so close. His smile returned and he kissed her forehead.

"We've seen enough horrible things for three lifetimes. I know I'm not ever going to be the same but… I think… the old Bucky could do just about anything if he tried. I mean he nearly got some nurse to marry him." Mila smiled. "So I'm going to put more effort into trying to heal than living in the hell they kept us."

"That sounds like the old Buck to me." She softly spoke reaching out to run her fingers through his facial hair that was growing out.

"Those five days in the cabin helped a lot. It was quite and I could focus."

"Well, it was quite during the day." Mila said making a joke about their love making and nightmares, both meant a lot of screaming. Bucky smirked and shook his head.

"That's inappropriate. I believe the modern day has corrupted the lady I loved." Mila gave him a pointed glare.

"Please asshole, I was in the army. I think I was actually corrupted more by the Howling Commandos than this century." She grabbed both sides of his face and brought her face up closer to his. "Wonder who the ring leader was in that." She said clearly insinuating it was Bucky.

"Damnit Steve." Bucky said looking out in the distance. Mila burst out laughing and Bucky joined her. It was like things were as they should have been. Bucky got up taking the towel with him. He paused in the doorway and looked back at Mila. "You think he's still looking for me?" Mila nodded her head slowly.

"Between the three of us I don't know who's more stubborn." Bucky bobbed his head in thought and looked to the floor.

"I don't think I want him to find me." Mila sat up and wrapped her knees to her chest.

"Why not Buck? You just said you weren't going to be living in the past. If he finds you, you two should talk. He knows more about your past than I do." She offered.

"That's just it Mila. He knows me at my core. He grew up with me, I'd be a bigger disappointment to him. Steve always saw the good in people right?" He waited for Mila's confirmation. "So he's going to have even higher hopes for me. He's going to push me faster than you to get better. He's going to want the old Brooklyn Bucky back and you and I know he'll never come back. I don't think Steve could understand that." Mila sighed and knew how rationale his thought process was. Hell Mila only knew him from his army life on but she was still so hopeful he'd get back to that soldier she fell in love with. Who knew what Steve would be expecting Bucky to heal back into.

"Yeah, I felt the same." She said.

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked his plan to shower long gone.

"When I worked at the Smithsonian it was mainly to ensure I didn't turn up in the museum exhibits, but when the Captain America display was being made I knew I had to make sure everyone knew about how brave my friends were. Steve obviously came in regularly to check the progress and facts, but he was so impressed that someone thought to include a centerpiece memorial to you. He wanted to meet the person who drew up the designs and such but I was conveniently home with the flu. I didn't even come to the opening ceremony because I didn't want Steve to see me. I figured he would want to know what happened to me and I would have to keep you a secret from him because I know how he gets with you."

"So you stayed away from him even though he was right there?" Mila nodded.

"Steve is too pure hearted and when you've been filled with the darkness we have it's almost painfully embarrassing to stand in the same room." Mila slumped and looked at Bucky.

"Yeah that sounds accurate. When I pulled him out of the river, I don't know. It just felt like I had to even though I still had the mission in my mind. But I didn't want to stick around for when he woke up. I knew he was expecting someone else when he looked at me and I couldn't think through who that was." Mila got up and rubbed her hands up and down his arms, not bothered by the metal appendage.

"One day we'll go find Steve. Let's get better first." She spoke softly. Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. He admired her patience and understanding, although he hated why she was that way. She lived through it all as well.

"Wanna join?" He said opening his eyes and nodding to the bathroom. She pursed her lips in fake thought humming for good measure.

"I don't know you might have to twist my arm and make me." She said walking around him planning to drive him insane for what could be the last time. She knew if she was going to be honest about the Red Room and Hydra than she would lose him but right now, she would put it on the back burner. Bucky smirked and turned to follow her in.

…

"So what exactly did you do to her Tony?" Steve asked as they nursed drinks at his bar.

"I deactivated the device in her head." Tony said finishing his drink off and grabbing the bottle to pour more. Everyone else was asleep but the pair. Steve was trying to figure out what Tony had to do with his friend.

"What did it do?" Steve said picking at the corner of one of the dog eared pages of the red and black journal they found in Mila's apartment.

"Emotions are chemical reactions in the brain. The device gave the Red Room control of the chemicals released in her brain while allowing her brain to receive more input." Steve was grateful he put it simply, he didn't understand the science behind most things and when it came to bad guys, they liked to be complex in their awful technology.

"Why didn't she try and find me? And why didn't you guys tell me?"

"Well I certainly didn't know you two used to go swing dancing." Steve rolled his eyes at his friend. "I don't think Natasha knew either."

"I find that hard to believe. She seems to know everything." Steve said taking another drink from his beer. He looked at the page in his hand. It had a diagram of a brain and a device that turned her into a monster.

"Look Steve, we got to focus on finding Loki's secpter. I think I managed to make contact with Thor. He said he would come within the fortnight. Whatever that means." Stark said with his infamous eye roll. "Shakespeare in a cape." He mumble.

"You're right. I got to focus. I'll have Sam stay on the case." Steve walked away from the bar to find his bedroom. He took the journal with him and thought about how all the information in this was so private and wondered how Betty was able to grab it from those who made her into a machine. He got in the elevator and his face dropped a little when he saw Natasha already in there. She didn't make a move to get off on the floor.

"Good I was looking for you." She said not bothered by his reaction. He stepped in and stood next to her.

"Did you know?"

"No. She was the scariest thing the Red Room made, I didn't pry."

"scariest thing?" Natasha crossed her arms and tilted her head trying to find the best way to explain it.

"Us orphans, we were already afraid of the Academy. But she would teach us how to speak English, how to kill a man, espionage, and how to survive. Her legends of missions circulated and we knew she didn't have emotions. She did what she was told. It was the ghost story that if you didn't perform well enough in the academy they would turn you into her. Then you wouldn't have a choice in anything."

"Because communism gives you so many choices." Steve said trying to make a joke. Natasha gave him a light shove before continuing.

"When we learned about how they tested her obedience, killing a young boy, we never looked at her the same again. We knew if we didn't listen she wouldn't hesitate to take us out."

"It was her nephew." Steve said gritting his teeth. Natasha looked ahead trying to process that. In all the times that story was told no one ever knew who the boy was or what he did wrong. They only ever heard that he was crying and she didn't think twice about pulling the trigger. Natasha looked at the floor as the doors to the elevator opened.

"I didn't know." She whispered.

"How did you two even get so close if you were afraid of her?"

"She saw my potential, she worked more with me, I grew less afraid. I began to see she was a human and not the monster we were all afraid of. Plus, if it wasn't for her I would never be where I was today." Steve looked at her wanting her to explain. "She kept pushing me to my limits making sure I graduated. If you graduated you had access to the outside world and that meant freedom. She knew that. "

"Sounds like Betty. Always trying to help out everyone. Hydra knows how to ruin the best." Steve said reflecting on how great his friends had been to him back in the day. He hated knowing what they both went through. He just hoped wherever they were they were together, he hated the thought that either of them were alone.

…

"Bucky stop!" Mila cried as Bucky cornered her in the bathroom. She took a defensive stance against him and he found an opening to throw her over his right shoulder. She fidgeted in his grip. "Put me down!" She insisted as he walked her over to the sink counter to plop her curvy bottom down on the granite. He put his hands on either side of her and looked into her brown eyes with hunger.

"You said I would need to twist your arm to get you in the shower with me. I figured I could convince you in other ways." He began attacking her neck with fevered kisses his tongue occasionally trailing down her collar bone that he had exposed when he quickly removed her shirt earlier leaving her top covered in but a bra. Mila's fingers got lost in his hair as he continued to convince her to get in the shower. When a breathless whimper escaped Bucky stopped and cocked his head to the side, "you surrender?" He asked. She pulled his hair enough to get his attention.

"Never." She stated. Bucky growled seeing the challenge and wasted no time to undo her bra clasps discarding the garment on the bathroom floor. He cupped her left breast in his flesh palm teasing her bud between his index and thumb. His mouth relentlessly sucked and flicked the right side not wanting either to be without attention. He kept his metal hand on her hip not trusting it to do much more without hurting her. Mila wrapped her legs around his hips crossing her ankles so he wouldn't escape. Her head rolled back and her eyes shut as his hot breath pulled off the right to show her left side the same attention. When her fingers fell from his hair and instead gripped his shoulder he pulled back smirking making Mila groan. "That's just rude. Here I thought you were a gentleman." Bucky dipped his head considering her claim.

" I don't think I can be when it comes to this." He said slipping his hand down to her pant hem tugging the belt loop bringing her padded chest against his own bare one. He smirked looking down at her and leaned down to kiss her but in the reflection of the mirror behind her he could see all the faint scars that decorated her back, some slashes, some brands, and two circles that meant someone was coward enough to shoot her in the back twice. Mila was trying to figure out what Bucky was looking at so when she turned her head and saw the mirror her mood shifted. She knew exactly where everyone of those scars had come from. The pain of the wounds never bothered her, no the real pain came after Natasha had fixed her and she could process the events like a human. She put her head down and tried to shove herself off the counter but Bucky firmly kept her in place. He traced the white marks with his hands both flesh and metal making Mila shiver.

"Who?" He asked. She shook her head. She didn't want to think about it.

"My target."

"How many missions did you go on?" Bucky asked.

"32." She spoke quietly. None looked as bad as the one on her thigh though.

"That's a lot." He muttered thinking about the scar on her leg that looked as bad as the one on his shoulder. Of course he had no room to comment, he had been on 34 missions, Steve Rogers was the last one. He failed and the Sentinel hadn't come for him.

"Yeah."

" Did you get the one on your thigh from a mission?" He asked

"Yes." She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She chewed on her bottom lip mentally praying he didn't pry further.

"Where." He asked lightly rubbing her right thigh with the metal hand. Her eyes fluttered shut and she battled telling him the truth.

"Riyadh." She said feeling a weight of the truth pushing down on her. She felt her shoulders build with tension. Did he remember that mission? If he did she could count the rest of the evening's plan ruined.

"He must've put up a hell of a fight against you." Bucky said not knowing who could manage to mar her leg in such a way. If she was able to fight, no ordinary person should have been able to do that much damage. He wondered if this was another Hydra torture story. What would they be doing with her in Saudi Arabia? He had a mission there years ago, maybe he was there to complete her mission. She was compromised because of the injury and they sent the Winter Solider in. That was one of those missions that ended with him fighting the Red Sentinel because memories were coming back. Maybe that bastard got to her as well. Even more reason to kill the Sentinel.

"Everyone is a fighter when their life is on the line." She said looking into Bucky's blue eyes. They were flooded with sadness, he knew how hard people would fight when life hung in the balance So many of his victims tried without success to overpower him. He remembered how hard he fought when the Sentinel would try dragging him back to the compounds.

"Guess you're right." He said looking down. He could see his own scars and took a deep breath. "Can't tell you how hard I would fight against the sentinel. Very few of these aren't a reminder from the Sentinel," he pointed to the scars stretched out over his body. "A reminder of where They thought I belonged." He said through gritted teeth. It was driving her insane to hear him talk about the character haunting him from his past.

"Bucky let's just focus on right now." She offered playing with his hair. He nodded and kissed her shoulder gently. His flesh hand tried unbuttoning her jeans but he fumbled foolishly having to pull back and look. Mila smiled at him. "Difficulties?" She asked amused.

"Yeah you didn't wear these back in the day." He said accepting defeat and using both hands to slip the pants off taking her underwear with the denim. Mila bit her lip nervously. This was a far cry from the darkness they were in in the past. Now she was completely exposed, scars that told haunting stories and weight she gained in certain areas because she was enjoying a Hydra free life all on display for Bucky to compare to foggy memories of the way her body looked 70 some years ago. Bucky could feel the tension that she suddenly had. " if I remember correct, and i'm fairly certain I am, you are still so beautiful, every square inch and I intend to show you that." He kissed her lips chastely and walked away and turned the shower on slipping his own pants off. Mila watched from the counter admiring how the muscles in his back were so toned. The wide set of his shoulders should have intimidated her not seduce her into wanting to rub them. She let out a deep breath allowing herself to unwind momentarily knowing what would be next. "I'll be right back." He said disappearing from the bathroom. Mila looked up at the ceiling and felt her heart start to pump faster waiting for him. When he came in he held her body wash and shampoo in this hands and set them in the edge of the tub. He turned walking the few steps to gently grab under her knees and wrap them around his waist as he carried her to the shower.

"You know my legs work." She commented as he held the curtain back.

"Not after I'm done." He said stepping in the shower. Mila's jaw dropped at the comment.

"Where'd you learn to talk like that?" She asked looking into his lust filled eyes.

"A long time ago I served in the army with dis beautiful nurse who turned out to be a handful." As he spoke the last word his flesh hand gave her ass a quick squeeze. She gasped and pulled herself closer to him.

"You can't blame me for bad habits." She chided while whispering in his ear. Bucky snickered and smirked at her.

"C'mon now, I blame myself for literally everything else. I think I can blame you for corrupting my innocence." She pressed her lips into a fine line.

" when you put it that way.." Bucky smiled and pressed her back against the opposite tub wall from the faucet so the water ran against his back. Bucky took inventory of her scars and some seemed familiar like he had watched them created. He kissed her collarbone where he noticed a small spray of scars in perfect circles as though she was too close to a buck shot. She enjoyed having his soft lips on her skin. Her fingers pressed into the flesh of his shoulders and the metal encouraging him to continue. His kisses trailed back up her neck leaving a small mark at the base of her neck. Her eyes fluttered closed as Bucky's lips found a sensitive spot below her ear. She let out a breathy moan ringing in Bucky's ear which made his member grow harder against her inner thigh. With a slight buck of his hips he revved her up again making her moan with anticipation for what he could so easily do. However he needed her to know one thing before he allowed himself any pleasure. He pulled back from his attack on her neck and looked into her eyes scanning for any trace of doubt, that maybe he had hallucinated her feelings this entire time. Or maybe she finally was going to see him for what he was. He swallowed his fears.

" I want to say Thank you, for everything Mila. I know you said back in Italy I wasn't your Bucky, but these past few days make me feel like I can be something close. I honestly don't know how you can stick around when i'm nearly always moody and brooding, but you do. I know how I have felt about you in the past and it's safe to say I think all those feeling have come back, so Mila I love you for everything even more than I loved ya back then." Mila smiled and kissed his cheek,

"Bucky you deserved so much more than what they've done. I just want to make sure one day you can have a simple life like you dreamed of. Maybe one day though you might smart up and realize i'm just some girl too stubborn to stay out of things. Nothing special."

"It was that stubbornness that let you get into the army so I could meet you. That's pretty special." He said claiming her lips with his own before she could protest his comment. He let his hips press against her to pin her against the wall before letting both hands roam up and down her sides. The metal felt wonderful against her hot skin and she grabbed the appendage pressing it to her flesh right on the outside of her breast. Bucky gently bit her bottom lip before running his tongue along her own. Trying to concentrate on not harming her he let the metal hand slide over and gently massage her breast. Their kissing only deepened as Mila got her hand lost in his wet hair pulling him close. Her other hand reached down to grab his thick shaft making him inhale sharply. Mila smirked in the kiss loving how she could get a reaction out of him too. She positioned his head at her entrance and gave her knees the slightest squeeze giving him a physical que of what she wanted, as if she wasn't clear enough. Bucky slowly pushed himself inside her not wanting to completely be wrapped by her just yet. Her moan poured into their kiss and she broke away biting her lip. Bucky feathered kisses along her neck as he set a slow pace bucking his hips into hers going just a little deeper every time. He was trying to show he meant the words he just spoke. He loved her and feared someone would take her away. He savored how her wet walls felt around him and grabbed her hips to keep her steady as his pace started to increase. Mila arched her back into him as he did and moaned his name out enjoying how he stretched and filled her with every thrust. This wasn't sex, this was love making. She could tell how gentle he was trying to be and she reached out with one hand and lightly wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck. Her other hand reached out and grabbed the shower curtain her knuckles turning white as Bucky angled her hips to hit her sweet spot.

"I love you." She whimpered out as he continued to pulse his hips into hers.

"I love you too." He moaned against her neck. She felt the pleasure building inside her as he kept a steady pace.

"Bbu..Bucky." His name escaped on her warm breath tingling his ear. He knew he needed to adjust his hold on her as he felt himself ready to come undone. He moved his metal hand to grip the top ledge of the shower and he neared feeling how tight Mila was getting around him.

"Mila, uh," he moaned trying to hold off for just a moment until she came "you're incredible." He meant that in every sense. Everything she had done and everything she was, she was too incredible to be hanging around him. He thought that back in 1944 but now more so. Mila's heart fluttered with his comment but instead of a thank you she inhaled sharply and whimpered as her orgasam had her body trembling with pleasure. She pulled the curtain off the hooks as Bucky let himself release his own ecstasy. Her hand dropped the curtain and raked through his hair while he took deep breaths. He kept her pinned up against the wall while they caught their breath the shower curtain on the floor. Bucky looked over at the steamed mirror and could barely make out their figures.

"We must've been hot." Mila commented following his gaze. Bucky smirked and kissed her forehead.

"Must've." He said slowly pulling out of her and gently letting her get her balance to stand on her own in the shower. When she did she instructed Bucky to get his hair wet. She rubbed shampoo into his scalp and the closed eye expression on his face was that of enjoyment. She was glad she could make him feel good even with the simplest of touches. He had spent too long on the end of abuse, she remembered watching it many times which just made her want to spoil him even more. She then grabbed the body wash and began to take a rag and wash him careful of the scared ring around his shoulder. She checked out every dip his muscles made in his stomach and the way those hips popped leaving an inviting 'v' dip to his manhood. She sucked her bottom lip taking in the full sight of him. He was truly stunning to look at. It was a shame that he looked this way because of years of conditioning and missions. She saw him watching her gaze , it was clear he wasn't ashamed of his body just wondering why she found beauty in the destructive machine it had become.

"Turn around." She spoke gently. She finished a little faster only pausing when she saw her nail marks on his back. He returned the gesture of washing her trying to remember where she got the scars that looked familiar. He kept running into a wall, the only one that he came close to solving was the ugly one on her thigh. He kissed the spot before washing it knowing that it had to have hurt long after it healed. Mila felt a pang of guilt as he did so. He then rose back up and kissed her neck pressing his chest against her back.

"No offense doll, but I don't want to have another hair SNAFU, so.." He held the shampoo out to her and she smiled. She kissed his cheek grabbing the bottle but he didn't let her have it.

"Buck." She warned he let go smiling.

"I'm going to get our clothes." He said stepping out and over the curtain. He stopped looking back at it. " they're going to charge us extra for that." He said nodding to the plastic heap. Mila flipped him off and he chuckled leaving. She shook her head, she loved seeing him happy which only meant it would break her heart more to keep the truth from him. She tried not to think of it as she finished washing her hair and turning off the shower. She stepped out grabbing a towel from the rung and wrapped her body in it just as Bucky came in wearing sweats she acquired for him and held her usual pajamas out to her. Shorts and a loose shirt. While Mila would rather enjoy feeling his skin up against hers all night it was more rationale that the pair of Hydra targets sleep ready to run. She slipped the clothes on using the towel to wrap her hair into. Bucky walked up behind her and held her waist. "Seriously, thank you. I don't know where I'd be without you." He said resting his chin on her shoulder. Mila placed her arms over his squeezing him closer.

"I've always been here for you Buck, ain't going to stop just because you grew your hair out." She said trying to make a joke of it. He pulled back and looked at her.

"Do you want me to cut it?" He asked never before considering how he must've looked. He only shaved because of how the thicker beard made his neck hot.

"No gives me something to play with." She said swiftly turning around in his grasp and running her fingers through his hair proving her point. He closed his eyes a small smile growing.

"Alright, I'll keep it." He said. Then a loud siren rang through the room. The pair quickly separated as though they were electrocuted. Both knowing the feeling. Mila ran into the room ready to fight but found it was the fire alarm. "Stairs." Mila yelled over constant wail of the flashing alarm. They collected their backpacks and slipped on their shoes. It wouldn't be the first time they had to leave a burning building. At least they were getting a warning this time, it didn't usually happen that way. They filled in with other guests and saw children crying from being woken up. Mila offered a kind smile to the mother tugging the pair along as she let them pass. Her and Bucky kept close but the closer they got to the main floor the more odd it became. They knew what smoke smelled like and yet the stairwell smelled nothing like that.

" get to the car." Bucky said as if reading Mila's mind. She nodded and when they made it out the exit they scanned every face in the dark night best they could trying to see where the threat was. The siren could still be heard outside the hotel and their car was surrounded by people. People were yelling and talking loudly on their cell phones. Bucky excused himself walking to the car having to explain in his rusty Ukrainian to a man that he wanted to get in his car. Once the man moved Bucky opened the door pausing to throw his bag in when he glanced at the passenger side, Mila wasn't there. "No." He said his heartbeat thumping in his chest. He quickly got out grabbing a pistol from the door and looked around the car. He put his bag on his back searching for a her. Her backpack was on the ground, something she would never do. He grabbed it and quickly ran through the crowd searching for a sign.

"Bucky!" He heard her scream but couldn't see her through the mass of people. He shoved past the crowd trying to hear if she would call again but too many people were talking. When he made it past the crowd he couldn't' see any sign of her. She was gone without a trace. He thought about returning to the vehicle and got about thirty feet away when a loud explosion rang through the crowd. He quickly ducked throwing his metal arm up to block the debris. Their car had blown up and shrapnel flew through the crowd at a dangerous speed. Pieces hitting Bucky's arm burnt small holes in his sleeve. Bucky looked past his arm once the sound died and saw the mother Mila let pass them earlier holding one of her boys who took a metal piece of the car to his back. Bucky's jaw clenched. Whoever did this was trying to cause as much ruin as possible. It was a trap and he would play into it to get Mila back and for that small boy. Bucky took off rage filling him. Bucky ran around the block trying to find some sign of the monsters who did this. No doubt they had a Hydra connection, or the Red Room. It was hard telling both were cruel and would do anything to get what they wanted. He assumed there had to be more than one person behind it all, she was too strong for a normal man to keep her down. Hell, even Bucky had trouble pinning her down if she fought against him. The image of them in the bathroom flashed in his mind. He just lost all of that. He threw his metal fist into the nearest building breaking the bricks. His breathing deepened, he needed to find her before she suffered. Right as he turned the corner he was faced with three men dressed in special ops gear high powered automatic rifles pointed at him.

"We have the girl." One said muffled by his mask. He threw Mila's bag over his shoulder and Bucky put his arms in the air to surrender. If they had Mila he could stand to back down this time. He would fight them when he saw her and could come up with a plan.

…

Mila was gagged and hands were clasped behind her with something a lot stronger than handcuffs. Her feet weren't yet tied as she was being drug by the arms into a van. Blood was running down her temple from the blow on the head that took her down minutes ago. She tried calling out for Bucky when she came to but that only let these cronies know she was awake. They were well trained and the pair held her back with only a minor struggle. Of course they did have the advantage with her being restrained. The side door slid open and without a hint of gentleness she was thrown in. She quickly tried getting up to come up with a plan but was held down by a boot on her back. She turned her head and through the managed expression, made out one of the people she hated most in this world towering above her. Brock Rumlow.

"Long time no see kitten. Hope you haven't forgotten everything I taught you last time." His smile was sick and Mila felt her anxiety building up. She may be able to take him down but her biggest concern wasn't him fighting her, it was what he would do with her body. She kept her mouth shut wanting to attack his pride by commenting on his burnt face but knew it would only make him snap quicker and bring her fears to life. So she laid there hoping she could come up with a plan before everything went from shitty to flat out hell.

 **AN: well so sorry about that, just like the comics Bucky can't catch a break. I hope it didn't shatter your world to see her taken by Rumlow. If it did, guess you'll have to see if it gets better. Tune in.**


	23. Back Against the Wall

**AN: thank you for your support. Thank you for your help abstract0118. I apologize in advance to you all. Sorry it's a little shorter, but I needed to end it like I did.**

* * *

 _Burn all the evidence_

 _A fabricated disbelief_

 _Pull back the curtains_

 _Took a look into your eyes_

 _My tongue has now become_

 _A platform for your lies_

 _I said you got me where you want me again_

 _And I can't turn away_

 _I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool_

 _I'm stuck here in-between_

 _The shadows of my yesterday_

 _I want to get away_

 _I need to get away_

 _Back Against the Wall- Cage the Elephant_

...

* * *

Bucky stood at the front of the cage keeping him from escaping. It reminded him of the Siberian base where he trained more Winter Soldiers. He was thrown in hours ago but they just recently brought Mila in and hung her from a suspended rope by her bound wrists. He watched carefully trying to see if she was dead. There had to be a sign of life. He could see the faintest rise and fall of her chest as she hung there. His attention should have been on finding an escape route but he knew there was no point in escaping if Mila died before he left. Without her he didn't know how he would deal with with the shit in his head. He kept waiting for something more to prove she was still alive. He didn't know if he was watching her die or fight to survive. He had no idea what day did to her. If he hadn't been closely watching he would have missed the slight move of her head. He knew her eyes were open trying to observe as much of her surroundings as possible. A Red Room trained trick. You didn't want your enemies to know you were awake, you wanted to put them at a disadvantage when you came to.

"Mila." He yelled voice echoing in the empty warehouse they were stuck in. She snapped her head up and saw him her eyes instantly saddened when she saw he was back in a cage. The scene before her quickly changed to Siberia 1992.

 _Bucky was in a cage surrounded by the new Winter Soliders he was to train. Mila paced around the outside of the cell watching their movements. Bucky was not gentle as he slammed the sole female to the ground. The Colonel walked up beside Mila nodding towards the girl._

 _"Yeslii by ne byli prednaznacheny, chtoby derzhat' ikh v ocheredi, ya by vy obuchat' ikh." (If you weren't meant to keep them in line, I'd have you train them.) he looked back to his compliant weapon "no, vozmozhno, yest' yeshche Urok, chtoby nauchit'" ( but perhaps there is still a lesson to teach) Mila looked to him as he grabbed her by the crook of the arm dragging her into the cage. She saw the colonel's mouth move with a new order, the same she had heard hundreds of times. The Winter Solider turned looking at the new comer in the cage. The girl on the floor rolled away not wanting to get between the pair that stood ready to fight each other. Those on the bench stood stoic waiting to see what would unfold. Mila bent down ready to strike when her target was. Bucky watched the way she shifted her weight in her feet, he would lose against her but he had to at least try and fight her. Bucky lunged for her but she quickly dodge anticipating his move. He regained his balance and grabbed her arm twisting it behind her back to which she rolled around and hit him in the back of the skull hard enough to make him let go. Bucky turned around to face her and made a fake move to her neck to which she reacted as he planned. When her arms went up to block he quickly grabbed her wrists holding them with enough pressure to nearly break them. She quickly hooked her foot behind his knee knocking him off balance and using her strength to push him back. He took her with him making her land on top of him. He quickly pinned her her shoulders pressed into the concrete with his body laying diagonally across her to hold her locking his arms around her neck and arm. She shoved off the ground using the advantage of her lower body strength over his upper to bridge her body up. Her arms went out rolling his body over her head momentarily making her lose focus. She quickly regained it as she flung her body so she was now holding his body like he just pinned hers. She gave him a quick head butt making him groan and she got up pulling the pistol from her favorite conceal spot at the small of her back and clicked the safety off. She looked up at the other Winter Solider candidates who took in the scene with awe. It only took two minutes before she bested the man they couldn't get take down. They were afraid of her as they should be. She looked at Bucky who stumbled getting up. He threw his shoulder into her as he walked by and she walked out to stand next to the Colonel. He paced back and forth pissed that he lost again_. It was that same pissed pacing that he started up now that he knew Mila was alive. To say that Mila was terrified was an understatement. He looked like a carnivorous animal in the circus waiting to get revenge on the ring leader keeping him there. Bucky tried prying the bars apart but they were hot with electricity. He let out a yelp of pain shaking his hands. Mila cringed when he tried to grab them only to be met with the pain. Rumlow gave them little way to get out of their predicament. That didn't mean Mila focused on what little hope they had, she was still searching around the warehouse trying to figure everything out.

"Look at that animal Mila." Rumlow's voice came from behind her making her try and turn her head around but her efforts meant nothing with her current position. Bucky stopped his pacing watching the man approaching Mila. Rumlow's hand snaked around her waist and Mila shoved him back with her foot knocking him away which only made him produce a baton that surged with a spark to give her a warning. She didn't care. She would rather be bludgeoned with the baton than have his hands on her. "I'd watch myself if I were you missy." He spoke through his gravelly voice. The burns were obviously extensive, she wondered how he got them and if he could suffer that same fate again.

"Fuck you." She spat. He hit her in the back with the baton sending electricity through her body and giving her a splintering migraine with the technology embedded in her brain.

"You already have." He commented walking to the Soldier in the cage. He was mindful to stay far enough away so the Soldier couldn't grasp him. "It's been a long time Soldier." He waited to gauge a reaction from him but there was none. Years of emotionless killing for Hydra and the Red Room hadn't completely escaped him as he stood stoic eyes piercing Rumlow's skull with the intensity they held. " you failed your mission, which is why I look like this." He nodded his head to the side angling it so the worse burns were in the Winter Soldiers view.

"Nah, you looked like a Dick long before that." Mila commented getting Rumlow's attention on her. She knew Bucky would react badly to anything Rumlow tried to play. Rumlow slowly turned his head and walked the few steps to get within swinging range and hit her in the side with his baton. She winced but bit back her pain. She could try and ignore the muscle spasms that came with the shock but it wasn't in her nature to give Rumlow the satisfaction of seeing her suffer.

"I know about that enhanced memory they gave you, that means you should remember every lesson I'm going to teach you." He said through gritted teeth. He turned back to Bucky intending to keep up his mental abuse of the poor man. Bucky was still calculating an escape plan in his head.

" you still working for Pierce?" She called out. She recognized the look in Bucky's eyes from across the room as thoughtful. He could observe more of the warehouse than she could. All she needed to do was distract Rumlow. He turned remaining at his spot closer to Bucky.

"Why you miss him?" Rumlow asked knowing their history. Mila was 'trained' (as Rumlow said at the time) to be Pierce's perfect date. She complied to both men's demands due to the control they had over the chemicals in her brain. It took her months to figure out that while her body accepted the things they did , it was through the device in her skull that she was with the men. It wouldn't have happened without the device.

" no I just know you're a better submissive." She said with snark. Irritating him wasn't in her original plan but it kept him occupied. Bucky saw something that resembled a key on Rumlow's waist but he couldn't be certain what it was for. He calculated the distance Mila could kick, he knew her lower body was stronger than his. He could kick Rumlow a good part of the way to Mila from the cage but if he was close enough to Mila she could potentially send him flying back into the cage and Bucky could take things from there.

"I'm the submissive one?" He walked over to her and pulled on her arm. "Who was the one begging beneath me?" Mila winched at his tight grip and his comment. She hated thinking about that. She glanced over and saw Bucky make a slight kicking gesture then point to the bars of his cage. Mila had to figure out how to get Rumlow in front of her.

"I remember you moaning like a bitch." Mila said smirking despite how disgusted she felt inside. Rumlow took her bait and stood in front of her tugging the her pants.

"Want to see who moans like a bitch?" He asked Cocking his head to the side. Mila took her small window and kicked him in the chest as hard as her legs could muster. He flew backwards staggering trying to regain his balance but the same force that sent him away pushed Mila backwards from where she was hanging and gave her enough momentum on the swing back to slip off the hook she was on and she charged at Rumlow who recently getting his bearing didn't have the time to avoid her shoving him back into the electric bars where Bucky was ready to grab him and hold his back against the bars. He let out a scream of pain and went limp. Bucky held his for there a moment longer for good measure. Mila bent down trying to find a key or remote to get Bucky out of there. If she could get him out then they could worry about getting her hands unbound later. She opened some of the compartments on his belt and found something key like in shape but didn't know if it would open the cage. She stood and turned ready to give Bucky the key but she was shoved against the bars by a force.

"NO!" Bucky yelled as she fell. Rumlow stood above her looking at the Soldier but Bucky was kneeling to make sure she was alive. At the end of his boot he saw the shining of the key she got. She made it land in the cage before she passed out. He covered it with his metal hand and saw Mila wink at him.

"Yeah I read in Your little journals how close you two used to be. Figured you still be attached." Rumlow spoke trying to piss Bucky off. Bucky quickly stood and his eyes were cold.

"Shut your crisped mouth." He warned. Rumlow nodded enjoying this reaction. He looked out to his left where a rusted chamber set.

"See that little box, that's where I'm going to put your ass before I sell you to the highest bidder." Rumlow threatened. Bucky slowly turned his head and saw that it was indeed a very old Cryogenic chamber. Bucky walked over to that side of the cage which got him closer to the door.

"Now." Bucky said calmly. Rumlow was confused but his feet were quickly taken out from under him by Mila. Using the distraction Bucky used his metal hand to unlock the door his hand spazzed but he got the door open. He swung it around recalibrating it as he rounded the corner where Rumlow was fighting Mila. She swung her metal bound hands up knocking Rumlow in the chin and he tried to comeback quickly from her painful blow and delivered a hard punch to her gut. Bucky grabbed Rumlow by the back of the neck with his metal arm throwing him back into the cryo chamber with a crash. Bucky grabbed Mila by the shoulder and ushered her out in front of him. They made it across the room to a delivery dock pulling the door open but were met by an array of armed men rifles pointed at them. Mila looked at Bucky trying to come up with a strategy quick enough. She wasn't suicidal, not when she got her Bucky back. Bucky pulled it back down and pushed Mila off to the side so the spray of bullets coming in the aluminum door wouldn't hit her. She somersaulted into a standing position and looked around for something to help them out. Mila knew she wasn't much help to Bucky were her hands bound together. Bucky nodded to the observation level ahead and they darted off. Just as they got side by side the door flung open the combat dressed men charging after them but the pair of enhanced assassins were far faster. They climbed the stairs with ease and more bullets flew through the air hitting metal. Mila looked at where their shots were, they weren't aiming at them. They couldn't hurt the pair, they were going to be sold. She realized Rumlow's intentions now. Bucky ran across the deck looking for roof access. He crashed into an office and Mila followed shaking the debris from her face that lingered in the air.

"Buck they aren't shooting at us." She yelled as they kept running through an administrative wing.

"Doesn't matter." when they made out to another stairwell Rumlow was there blocking their path gun pointed at Mila. Bucky put his metal arm out to protect her leaving himself vulnerable. Behind them they could hear the pounding of boots. Bucky stayed focused on Rumlow he was the bigger threat. Bucky could easily take the hired help. Rumlow nodded towards Mila.

"Clever. I think you got him fooled now Mila." Rumlow said smirking. Mila's face twisted in confusion. Bucky glanced back at Mila mirroring her expression. Neither seemed to understand the burnt man's ramblings. "She never stopped using her skills as a strategist." Mila's held tilted wondering what he was getting at. "We came up with this little plan to get you back." Rumlow said hoping to turn The Winter Soldier against her. He knew Mila's threat potential was much lower with her hands bound together and being out of training for too long, but the Winter Soldier was much more deadly now. If he turned him against her he would lose money sure, but at least he didn't have to worry about two ex Hydra assassins to try and break. The rest of his hired men came in rifles aimed at the backs of Mila and Bucky. Bucky's eyes darted across the room trying to find something to use to his advantage. The pair had no weapons to use in this fight and Mila was restricted in her movements. "I can see why you'd fall for her, she's got more than a great ass. She's also got some brains under that nice hair. Tell me does She ask you to pull her hair? " Bucky snapped back to Rumlow and charged at him. The old Brooklyn gentlemen unable to handle another man disrespecting his gal, some habits just stick. Rumlow anticipated the attack and quickly pulled his pistol out and shot at Mila. Bucky turned his head and watched Mila fall to her knees before crumpling on her side. She was immobile but not unaware of the events around her. Stolen SHIELD technology. Bucky drew his metal fist back and hit Rumlow across the jaw knocking him back. "Should be thanking me." He commented dodging another blow from the weapon he was assigned to watch over. He wrapped his arms around his waist throwing him back against the wall. Bucky let out a small grunt and Spartan kicked Rumlow back. The two circled each other watchful of any sign of attack. The eight hired combatants stayed behind. Rumlow gave direct orders not to engage the targets and not to kill them. The man who fucked up those orders would suffer at Rumlow's hands himself. Mila watched from the floor muscles frozen feeling helpless as the two men were getting combative. "You finally get to get your revenge on your old friend." Rumlow stated still trying to keep Bucky mentally out of the fight. Bucky tilted his head ever so slightly. The only person he wanted revenge on was the Red Sentinel. If the Sentinel was here, he had to get himself and Mila out of here as fast as possible. " I mean she's real good at her job. Always so faithful to us. She came up with the plan to get you back to us. I commend her on being able to fuck with your head in the process." Bucky glanced back at Mila who could only convey her emotions through the despair in her eyes. "Yeah, that's right. Your little lover back there is the Red Sentinel. I guess she thought telling you would kill the sex life." Rumlow shrugged. Bucky froze in his spot. He slowly turned to look at Mila on the ground and tears fell from her eyes. It couldn't be true. He... He loved Mila. But as he thought about all that she told him, she knew his every mission. She could easily overpower him in a fight. She avoided truths. She talked Red Room making her compliant without flaw. Then he remembered his mission in Saudi Arabia where he fought the Sentinel and plunged a dagger in their thigh. A cut that would no doubt leave an ugly scar. A scar like the one Mila had on the back of her thigh. Every scar on her body she said was out there by her target, The Winter Soldier. Bucky marred her body with scars because he was fighting for his life against her. And now, she betrayed him again. She was never in any real danger here with Rumlow, the men never shot at her. Even now when Rumlow had the chance to hurt her he merely iced her. Rumlow said it was her idea. Bucky could believe it, she was always very clever at creating plans for the Howling Commandos. Maybe the 'lies' the Red Room used to break him were true. Mila entered the academy as a volunteer and switched sides to work with Hydra. Bucky looked away from her and glared at Rumlow.

"Why should I believe that?" Bucky asked just needing someone else besides his scrambled mind to give him proof.

"The Sentinel disappeared five years ago after Odessa. How long has she been free? KGB has enough loyal female spies, that's how I got the tip where to find you, why would they need an American? Most important, you can't remember the Sentinel's face right?" Bucky's face softened. He was right he could never place a finger on how the bastard he hated looked. "That's because they had to fry your brain to forget your little lovers face. You would break programming everything you saw her, so they made you see a hooded figure. Every damn time." Bucky looked at the floor and then back to Mila.

"Как долго вы собираетесь держать правду от меня?" (How long were you going to keep the truth from me?) Bucky growled out in Russian. Mila tried moving her jaw to answer but whatever Rumlow shot her with was strong. Bucky shook his head and turned back to Rumlow. Well at least Bucky didn't have to worry about getting two people out of here. The betrayal made it clear that the woman he loved was lost to Hydra and had been for 70 years. He wouldn't be able to get her back. The fact may of pisses him off more than her betrayal... May. He ran towards Rumlow who ducked prepared to fight but Bucky jumped over him his intention to make it downstairs one way or the other. He fell between the wrapped banister and landed with a thud before finding an exit.

"Get him!" Rumlow demanded gesturing to the men. Rumlow himself marched over to Mila and forcefully pulled her up by the arm getting in her face. "I think your boyfriend just dumped you." Rumlow said with the cruelest smile. Mila Still couldn't move, through her jaw started to feel normal. Rumlow threw her back on the floor and straddled her frame. A stomping came back up the stairs and Mila hoped it was Bucky coming back. But honestly, she couldn't blame him for leaving her here. She had been keeping the truth from him for nearly five months. The one being Bucky hated most in is world for always taking his freedom was the one he was falling in love with. Surely he felt betrayed. Of course thanks to Rumlow he thought Mila had always been under Hydra's control and would bring him back to Hydra no matter what.

How foolish had they been to go out and celebrate a holiday where KGB officers could be out and about. No doubt they pair of them had been on everyone's radar, a pretty penny if you could bring them back. To think a couple hrs ago they were confessing their love for each other and Mila had been lying to Bucky keeping her true identity hidden. Maybe she hoped to avoid it their entire lives so they could live a normal life together like they wanted. Mila's jaw trembled with her sob. The stomping from the stairs grew closer and in came one of Brock's hired men.

"We lost him sir. He vanished." Rumlow's face turned redder than it already was with the burns.

"Looks like I'll have to reactivate you to find him." Rumlow said wrapping his hands over her shoulders. " that lost me a lot of money. But at least I still have you."

"How many times are you going to break me?" Mila lightly spoke feeling despair seep into her and clutching her tight.

"Until you stop putting the pieces back together."

* * *

 **AN: so sorry, but it's true. Mila is the red sentinel and Bucky left her behind thanks to Rumlow's lies. Tell me how your handling it in a review**.


	24. What Hurts Worse

**AN: thank you for your continued support of my story and all your favorites and follows. Thank you abstrat0118 for your reviews. Sorry to drop that bomb on you all last chapter... Not really.**

* * *

 _The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you_

* * *

Bucky finally stopped running when he was out of the city. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Was the mantra pounding in his head. How could he have been so blind? He couldn't be too mad at himself for not seeing it sooner though, Rumlow said they messed up his brain so that he wouldn't remember Mila's face. No she wasn't Mila, she wasn't Betty. She was nothing more than another one of them. She was simply the Red Sentinel. He couldn't trust anyone in this world. He wondered how long she was planning her betrayal. There were so many signs that she was lying to him and yet he discarded them all because he remembered her as Betty, the love of his life. He let it slide through the cracks, let her get in his head just like Hydra always did. That was why she suggested they go out and celebrate for New Years, draw attention to them. Bucky threw his fist into a tree knocking it over. How could he be so fucking dumb? Then he told her how much he loved her, he slept with her and she knew she would send him into their hands again. He had felt sympathy for all her scars but he caused them for good reason. He remembered wondering who was cowardly enough to shoot her in the back twice, it was Bucky. He remembered that was when she blocked a shot he was aiming for a Hydra leader. She was loyal to them. Now looking back she deserved the shot in the back, especially after stabbing Bucky in his. Bucky huffed in the cold night air and looked around trying to figure out a direction to go, somewhere safe. Somewhere were she wouldn't catch him again. Now it made sense why she hated him worrying about the Sentinel bringing him back, because it was her and she knew when he would be brought back. That man they killed back in Italy, he was shocked that Bucky didn't know something and then the Sentinel killed him to prevent the truth from being revealed. Bucky reached for his shoulder absentmindedly to adjust the straps of his backpack but found that it wasn't there.

"Fuck!" He yelled to the snow covered forest. He left everything behind in the bag. Whatever memories he had were in the journal that she had gotten him. Why would she get him a journal to sort out his thoughts if she was going to sell him out? Bucky shook his head. Building trust. That's what she was trying to do. An effective strategy. No wonder Peggy asked her to plan for the Howling Commandos. She was too clever. Bucky trudged on, he could start anew somewhere else. He didn't need her fake kindness. Fuck her, now that he knew what the Red Sentinel looked like, he'd kill her.

...

Mila was thankful that she was tied to a chair in an interrogation room. At least to meant Rumlow couldn't harm her like she feared. She could take punches from him all day and night, but she couldn't bear the thought of him touching her like he did years ago. Rumlow stood across from her in the room arms crossed waiting for her to answer his question.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" He asked. Mila just gave him a blank expression. He already took the only thing she cared about. Steve didn't know she existed so she could live with never getting to see Steve again, she said good byes to Rebecca and Peggy before she came to Europe so she felt at peace with that. But she lost Bucky, worse he thought she was a traitor. She could never get him back now thanks to Rumlow's lies. What more did she have to live for? She lived to be over 90, she should be grateful for that. His hand went flying through the air making a loud crack when it hit the side of Mila's face. L2125021. L2125021. She repeated her serial number over and over in her head. It was like the army all over again. Focus. L212-SMACK! She was certain he cut open skin that time. She had to admit for a normal guy he could hit pretty hard. 32557038. She'd think about Bucky's serial number instead. Focus on the good times in the army. She imagine her Bucky in his dress greens, a smirk on his handsome face. He would reach out and gently pull her in for a kiss. Everything was so simple back then. She was shaken from it when a burning feeling ripped through her cheek. "Hate to add salt to your wounds, but hey, at least it keeps your attention. Now tell me," Rumlow removed his hand from the open wound on her cheek and white powder fell from his hand. Sure enough, coarse salt landed on the floor. Mila shook her head. She was done with his stupid ass games.

"What the fuck was the question?" She asked.

"How do I reactivate you?"

"Isn't that on the Internet?" She asked not believing he was that ignorant.

"Right, with all the other secrets of your past." He bent down and slid his hands up and down her thighs " even some of our dirty ones." She shuddered and tried to block him out. It was a failed attempt. Something about the look in his eyes was making her skin crawl.

"Fear is a good tool." She said trying to use Red Room interrogation tricks since the army ones weren't going to work here.

"What do you have to be afraid of?" He asked getting up in her face and cupping the side of her face. She ceased the opportunity and head butted him knocking him back. He quickly pulled out a knife and stabbed pledged it into her thigh twisting it for good measure. She cried out unable block out the pain.

"God you fucking Bitch." He said leaving the knife in her leg. "Let's try another question then. How did you break free? Couldn't have done it alone." He commented walking around the room. Mila looked at the knife. She'd be walking with a limp for a while. Rumlow returned to her side. "Well?" He asked waiting for her to respond.

"You're a fucking moron." She said clearly in pain. Rumlow looked amused at her claim as he smirked standing above her.

"What makes you say that? I managed to capture you after no one could for five years. Finally finished the mission Pierce assigned me. Not that it matters, he's dead." That was no new news to her. Though finding out Rumlow was assigned to find her after she left explained the questioning. He had five years of rage from failure pent up against her.

" you let Bucky go."

"I didn't let him, he escaped. Cost me seventy million dollars that I ain't going to ever see."

"Well doesn't that just suck for you." She spat glancing at the blood seeping from her leg.

"Oh that just ups your price." He said standing behind her. The tension built up in her back just because she couldn't see what he was planning.

"My price only increases if you know how to reactivate me. You were just muscle for Hydra. So unless I answer you, you're stuck. You won't get any information out of me. You lost your only leverage." Mila said exceptionally smug considering her current situation. Rumlow bent down to whisper in her ear while trailing his hands up and down her arms.

"Fear is a pretty convincing component and, if that doesn't work I have plenty of other methods to get you to open your mouth." Mila shook her head.

"Bucky knows, I'm too stubborn for my own good. I'll take whatever you throw my way. It'll hurt less than the look in his eyes when you turned him against me." She turned her head and gave him a look that would have made the brainwashed Winter Soldier debate going on with the kill. Rumlow chuckled and shook his head with disbelief. How she felt such strong feelings for an animal like him he didn't know. He remembered years ago what she said to him.

 _Brock lay back in the plush bed the silken sheets covering him. He looked over to The Red Sentinel who lay on her back staring at the ceiling. She was covered up to her collarbone with the same sheet. They just finished a training session according to Rumlow and they were covered in a thin layer of sweat. Rumlow turned on his side and admired the body next to him. He began to wonder if her body was designed for more than just killing. He couldn't remember any girl being as good a lay as this Red Sentinel chick. He let one of his hands slip under the sheets and slide between her legs. "How about round two?" He asked leaning in to her ear._

 _" did I do a bad job with round one?" She asked looking over to him. He laughed at her._

 _"Hell no. But Pierce may expect you to go all evening. You got to be prepared."_

 _"Is that how I should focus my attention for this mission?" She inquired sucking in a breath when his fingers slipped in her folds._

 _"No your still a weapon at his disposal. A glorified body guard." He commented throwing the sheets back and put a knee between hers to separate her legs._

 _"Regardless of what you think Rumlow, no matter how many times you use me as a weapon, I am still human." She stated flatly. It made Rumlow chuckle._

 _"Not with the way we've messed with your head. That's another reason I like this device of yours; makes you compliant when I do things like this." He plunged his cock into her making her wince._

She claimed she was a human back then, did she understand that she loved Bucky then? Rumlow was disgusted thinking about the relationship the Winter Soldier and Red Sentinel had. Both of them were nothing more than weapons. Brock walked out but not before pulling the knife out of her thigh so she could bleed out. She was a super soldier, not immortal. Even though she would make him a great wad of cash, he couldn't let her die. He'd send in someone to patch her up later.

...

Bucky was cringing as he bit down on his bunched up shirt. It was the only thing preventing him from screaming as he removed a bullet from his calf. The hired man tried to take a shot that would slow Bucky down as he escaped from Rumlow. Well he wasn't escaping Rumlow, he was running away from Mil- The Red Sentinel's betrayal. He couldn't bring himself to call her by human name, she was still one of them. He used stolen medical supplies from a drug store to try and pull the bullet out. He lay in an old church trying to fix himself hoping he wouldn't bleed everywhere. Unfortunately this house of God was the only place offering warmth from the bitter cold. They Always had their doors open for sinners, boy wasn't that an accurate label. With a muted groan he pulled the bullet out and threw it on the floor. He quickly covered the wound with a cloth and looked at his supplies trying to figure out the next step. He knew she would have gently patched him up with precision and without so much pain. He shook his head, he wasn't going to let his thoughts linger on her a moment longer. He didn't owe her that much. He got to work quickly finishing dressing the wound and putting the shirt back on. He slowly got up and looked around the church. There was a donation box with some food and a bigger box for old clothes. He rummaged through them and got very little in the means of supplies. He layered up On the clothes that would fit and only found a box of crackers and a couple cans of soup to eat while on the run. He walked around some more and found the wooden offering box. He wouldn't steal money from the church, he wasn't that kind of man. Of course now he wondered what kind of man he was. Was he really that gentleman that she described to him? Was he the carefree teenager roaming Brooklyn not afraid to help out others like his dreams showed? He wanted to believe it was real. It all seemed like real enough memories. He sighed, just when he thought he was getting his head on straight and going to commit to being that 'old Bucky' everything went to shit. Bucky looked at a calendar hanging from a rusty nail, the picture showing crosses covered in snow, and saw that today was Friday, not too many church services would be going on. He figured he could get a couple of hours of sleep in before he began a long haul at finding a new place to start over.

...

Mila sat in the chair slumped over, drained from everything. Rumlow stood arms crossed in a monitor room watching her from the glass screen.

"This is the Red Sentinel? She is the one who can beat the Winter Soldier? I don't believe this. How did you catch her?" A young man asked in disbelief. He had only heard legends about this girl, he never believed them.

"You doubting my resourcefulness?" Rumlow uncrossed his arms and stood tall in front of the man to intimidate him. He was a stand in for Strucker, the scientist who currently held the highest bid for The Red Sentinel.

"No," he immediately countered. "It's just her reputation... She seems impossible to catch." He tried not to focus too much on all the scarring on the taller mans face.

" clearly she isn't." Rumlow walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a needle. "Now is von Strucker still sticking to his price or did it drop since he lost the value pack?" He asked filling the syringe with a clear liquid.

"The Baron says it doesn't matter if he has two or not. He will make due with one. Original seventy two million still stands." The man folded his hands behind his back rolling in his heels slightly as he recited the information his boss trusted him with. Rumlow grabbed some bandages and sterile clothes out of the cabinet and tucked them in one of the cargo pants pockets.

" when is he delivering?" Rumlow turned his full attention back to the man placing the syringe on the table.

"The weeks end. He instructed me to give you this." He produced an envelope and held it out to Rumlow how took it with hesitance. He opened it and quickly scanned the letter. Rumlow smiled and nodded his head tucking the envelope in his back pocket.

"Good that means I still have some play time with her." He grabbed the needle and left the other man alone in the room headed to the product waiting to be used in the other room.

...

Mila snapped her head up when the door opened and wasn't even bothered to feel afraid when she saw Brock approaching her with something behind his back. She didn't even care if he was here to kill her, at this point she almost welcomed it. He kneeled down before her and pulled the needle out trying to be gentle with her now. He could play minds games with her till she left, a good way to get some more revenge on her for sending him on a goose chase for five years. She looked up at him glaring with hatred as he put the numbing agent in her thigh near the wound. Rumlow saw the slightest flinch when the needle pierced her skin but contained the satisfaction he got from causing her any annoyance he could. Once he was done he shoved the heavy short material up further to make sure he could clean the wound carefully.

"If you're trying to go the Stockholm route, it won't work. Red Room trains you how to create Stockholm victims. Makes it easy to notice the signs." Mila muttered as he wiped the blood from her thigh. Rumlow smirked up at her shaking his head.

"Maybe I've had a change of heart." He offered.

"You have to have one first." She commented. Rumlow let out a huff of a laugh and looked up at the ceiling.

"You think I'm the monster? You and I both know hydra betrayed us and used us as pawns in their scheme." He looked at her and she finally took the time to observe how mutilated his face had become. The scarring marred his left side worse his eye dropping, it reminded her of the way she pictured Frankenstein's monster 80 some years ago when she read the book in high school. That monster was abandoned by his creator and never given a name forced to learn and live with everyone afraid around him. Brock Rumlow was different. He was a monster abandoned alright, but he had done it all to himself. Frankenstein's monster never asked to be created, Victor's god complex ruined him. Brock's own complex got him burnt and left to die, he was the one following Hydra's plans by his own choice. Mila was repulsed looking at him, not because of the scars but the man under them.

" you expect me to feel sympathy for you? When you were Pierce's little bitch? How fucking dumb do you think I am? I remember everything you did to me! Clearly your scars are indication that even Satan himself didn't want your scummy ass burning in his front lawn." Rumlow pressed his lips into a fine line and backhanded her whipping her head to the side. Mila slowly popped her jaw open trying to get feeling back. She looked at the floor where she saw an envelope and tried to read it but Rumlow grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.

" who the hell freed your ass." He yelled.

" Natasha, you think you could get any further in an interrogation with her, good luck. I trained her." He threw her chin down which let her examine the envelope more. She could make out Strucker, she only assumed it was a buyer. If that was the case she would break free there. She just needed to make sure she had her journal with her. She refused to leave it behind for Rumlow to read and taint.

"Shoulda known you widow women would stick together."

" the journals." She commented making Rumlow tilt his head towards her.

"What about them?"

"If I want out of here quicker, you got to know how to reactivate me. It ups my price and I don't have to see that ugly mug off yours again. We both win. The information was written on the pages in my journal. I wrote over their ink, if you had the right technology you could have that info."

"Why keep the journal?" Brock said not convinced.

"It was all I had of him." Mila spoke honestly.

...

From the monitor room Strucker's advocate heard their exchange and looked around the room trying to find the journals. Even if she was lying the journals still carried some weight of importance. Perhaps they did mean nothing, even then it was no loss to steal the objects. He saw a pile of belongings in the back of the room and indeed could see a black journal sticking at the bottom of a rumpled pile,of men's clothes. He took it and observed the cover, nothing special. Then he glanced up and saw a blue one. He grabbed it, it seemed much older. As he was about to open one he heard yelling from the monitors and saw The Red Sentinel slumped over in her chair and Rumlow leaving the room. The young man quickly tucked the journals in his heavy jacket ready to leave once Rumlow rejoined him. When the door swung open Rumlow stormed in and threw the medical supplies on the table.

"Bitch can bleed to death." Rumlow muttered looking at his visitor. "I got the directions. You need anything else?" He asked. The kid shook his head and pointed at the door.

"If you have nothing further I'll make my leave. Good day Rumlow." He commented walking out hoping he wouldn't notice the journals missing. Rumlow turned back to the monitors looking at the weakened super solider. He hated how she knew how to get under his skin. He liked her better when they had control over her mind. He only had a week to make up for five years of hatred against her. He wondered if the Red Room trained her to get under a persons skin like she did or if she was just a natural.

...

 _"She's a natural." The Red Sentinel told the Mistress from behind the one way mirror of the interrogation room. The pair was watching Natasha work on a United States spy and sure enough she was getting plenty of information that the KGB could use. The Mistress was impressed to say the least. She wondered why her prized teacher worked so hard with this girl._

 _"Tell me Sentinel what do you see in this girl?"_

 _"Heart. She is strong willed, unbreakable, the very best."_

 _" Has she fought the Winter Soldier yet?"_

 _"About a week ago she tried." The sentinel replied crossing her arms. "Lasted eight minutes." It almost came off as bragging._

 _"You can last longer." She stated._

 _"I have enhancements." She countered. She did not normally make excuses for her girls to not preform their best. Just then the door opened and a KGB officer came in._

 _"You have a mission." The Sentinel nodded leaving the Mistress and her favorite red ballerina behind. She followed the man out into the hallways of the academy and saw her only target waiting in the shadows. "Time to prep." He stated passing in front of the Winter Soldier. The Red Sentinel followed behind her soldier always watching his every move. She was trained to watch if he would take off or follow orders. As they rounded the corner she saw the faintest twitch of his meal hand. Her hand instinctively flicked to her gun tucked into the small of her back. He could practically feel The Red Sentinel's tension. He knew he wouldn't have much of an open window if he was to escape from them but a small chance was better than none at all. He was clever this time, he hadn't let them know he had some of his memories back. The Sentinel picked up her pace and walked beside the Winter Soldier and kept giving him sideways glances. Right before they entered the prep room The Winter Soldier stopped at the window and busted it open with his metal arm and before the KGB officer could pull his gun The Soldier was out the window with the Sentinel hot on his heels. The drop was nearly seventy feet but The Winter Soldier took off running when his feet hit the barren ground_.

 _"Страж, вернуть его обратно!" (Sentinel bring him back!) yelled the officer out the window as the Sentinel chased after the Soldier. He rounded a corner to which the Sentinel quickly rounded but was instantly clotheslined by his metal arm. She fell on her back and he quickly straddled her a pleading look in his eyes._

 _"Товарищ! Пожалуйста, я знаю, кто ты.Я не могу оставить тебя здесь!" (Comrade! Please I know who you are I can't leave you here.) he begged hoping that she would be able to pull herself from their mind control like he had. Unfortunately she rolled her body flipping him off of her._

 _" вы возвращаетесь со мной." (You are coming back with me.) she stated grabbing a knife from the back of her thigh holster and holding it up to his throat._

 _"Betty it's me Bucky. We got to get outta here and find Steve." He pleaded putting his hands up in surrender. " please, we can leave together." He offered. The Sentinel didn't budge from her spot pinning him to the ground._

 _"That is not my name anymore." She said. "I am the Red Sentinel, it is my job to make sure you complete your missions and that our greatest asset comes back." Bucky shook his head a few memories surfacing of their time together. Why couldn't she snap out of it? He needed to get her out of here. Before he could try to get up he was surrounded by a hoard of KGB officers rifles pointed at him and the Sentinel smirked. "Told you, you're coming with me." She said._

 _Next thing he knew he was getting strapped into the chair to be wiped. His eyes were swimming with the emotions he was feeling. The strongest of these was guilt. It was his fault he couldn't get them out of there. He couldn't break through to his Betty so she would see what type of hell this was. It was on his shoulders. They shoved his head back and he stole one more glance at Betty who they made into a monster like him. She seemed bored with the whole situation until her eyes met his own. A flicker of confusion crossed her features but was quickly dismissed when a KGB officer began whispering to her about lord only knows what. When he started to laugh at his joke she simply nodded turning away from the man in the chair. Bucky's heart broke, she was turning her back to him. No matter how hard he tried she would stay with them. Whatever they did to her was far more extensive than the treatment he got. He felt the grip of the machine holding his head back and the bolts of electricity flowed through his brain making his whole body contort with pain._

Bucky woke up screaming quickly checking his surroundings. He was alone. He tried controlling his breathing but his heart still felt like it would beat out of his chest. He leaned back against the wall and reflected upon his nightmare. No it was defiantly a memory. He remembered now, the Sentinel was always loyal to her purpose no matter how hard Bucky tried.

* * *

 **AN: thank you for reading and I know it seems a little sad right now but I promise it will get better for our couple... Eventually.**


	25. Coming together to Fall Apart

Mila had been placed in a different room, not much different from the one she was in when Natasha helped her break free from Hydra. Walls were blindingly white compared to the dank interrogation room she had been in and there was one camera placed in the center of the room. There was no indication of a door just white walls. She was however given a bed with stark contrasting black sheets. She sat across from the bed not daring to get to close. She was afraid of the damn thing. She could see bindings at both the head and foot boards. A thousand disgusting ideas ran through her head when she thought about why that was the only piece of furniture she was given. She pulled her knees up to her chest and put her chin down to rest on her crossed arms. She hated waiting more than anything. She hated waiting to know if Bucky was alright when the 107th was captured, if the Howling Commandos achieved their mission. She hated waiting on the awful missions both hydra and the Red Room sent her on. It was unmistakably her biggest annoyance. Now she waited for either Rumlow to come in and torture her, reactivate her, or sell her. She couldn't just give up though, she needed to fight and get free if only to find Bucky and tell him the truth. He deserved to know the truth. She didn't betray him. Looking back all she could do was kick herself for all the little things she didn't say and how her secrecy could have been interpreted as lying. All Rumlow had to do was plant one seed of doubt and Bucky's healing mind would grow a forest of lies. Mila was so pissed with herself and Rumlow for what Bucky did. She couldn't find it in herself to be mad at Bucky for leaving her behind. She might have done the same thing in his shoes. No, she was stubbornly naive when it came to Bucky, she would have stuck around even if betrayal was eminent. Mila didn't know if Rumlow was watching the camera right now but she sent two middle fingers his was via the camera, it made her feel better even if he didn't see the crass gesture. Just as she put her hands back down on her knees the door slid open between her and the bed. At least she knew where to run towards should she try to escape. Rumlow came in smug as ever.

"Was that an invitation?" He asked keeping his distance from her. He may have been a moron but he wasn't so stupid to let himself get close enough for her to attack him.

"You must not have been laid in a while then, came here pretty quick."

"Hate for you to change your mind." Mila only glared at him. " well there is also a monitor outside the door."

"What the fuck did you come in here for?" Mila said not enjoying his presence one bit.

"You got a buyer, he's pushing up the sale date. That means I only got about four hours to get five years of revenge on you." Mila scoffed. If he tried to attack her he would get injured, she wondered what the catch was. What did he do to her to make sure she wouldn't fight back.

" you know if you were better at your job you would have caught me sooner." She said unable to resist a blow to his ego. In truth she hoped setting him off to attack her would work to her advantage. She could easily take him out when her hands weren't tied up like last time. He let out a laugh and bent down to get eye level with her.

"You just can't keep that pretty mouth shut can you? Guess I'll have to put a gag on you." He smirked and it set Mila off she quickly got up and nailed him in the jaw sending him falling back before she could get too close to the door a pain shot through her spine making her collapse. Rumlow towered above her looking pissed. She tried to catch her breath unsure of where the pain came from. "You didn't think I would be dumb enough to leave you in here without a safety did you?" Mila only rolled over to her back and let out a deep breath. Her head was pounding, she closed her eyes the harsh light not helping at all.

"What did you do?" She panted out.

"Micro electric chips along your spinal column. A simple injection, a simple press of a button, you go down." Mila felt her spirits break. She would never be free of these people. She should have just stayed at the museum, Bucky didn't even recognize her. She could have still had a semi normal life. She could have been hanging out with Sam at the VA talking about life. She could be visiting Rebecca who was no doubt getting close to leaving this world. She just had to beg her boss to let her go to Europe to escape everything, but it didn't matter how far away she flew from her past, it was going to catch up to her.

...

Bucky sat at a small corner cafe in the ruined state of Sokovia, there was a base here he wanted to try and get information from. Perhaps he didn't need to start completely over if they had a file in him. He could sort through some of their records and get a foundation. He mindlessly played with the coffee cup half empty as he watched people walking by. They hardly paid any attention to him. He watched as a few young men graffiti some Red and yellow figure on the walls. He wondered what pop culture thing he was missing by not knowing who the metal looking figure was. He noticed they were painting dollar signs over the image. He brushed it off as punk kids doing their thing. He noticed a pair of men carrying pistols bright as day on thier hips. They had taken a seat at a table near Bucky who tried to listen in without seeming obvious. The guns drew him in to thinking these were men who could help him.

"Zemo's got another mission for us tomorrow. Taking down a few rebel leaders, shouldn't be hard." One said drinking from his cup. Bucky took a drink from his own still eavesdropping.

" this place is such a hell hole. You think Scorpion could throw a coupe?" The dark haired man asked his friend.

"No, we are merely enforcers, not capable of running a country."

"Zemo could do it. He's clever enough." Then of their phones rang and upon answering they left in a hurry. Bucky remained at his table while the two men left. He concluded they had nothing to do with Hydra. This country was in shambles as is, there were plenty of opportunities for a military coupe to happen so he didn't concern himself with those men. He finished his coffee and left trying to get more information. Along the streets he saw more kids running around causing mayhem, joining in on soap box speeches, and throwing things at anything that resembled the same metal man before. Coming up to a newsstand he took one of the papers from the stand and briefly read the headlines trying to understand what hell was happening here. The Sokovian language wasn't to hard to deceiper for him. It was similar to Russian. He gathered the state was in total disarm thanks to the government and a certain Tony Stark had tried to help by giving aid which was rejected thanks to his weapons leading to the destruction of the country years ago. The name seemed familiar to him. He tried to figure out where he had heard the Stark name before. As he walked around his mind ran into a thousand different walls trying to make a connection. His face must of portrayed pain as an elderly woman asked him if he was alright. The kindness threw him for a loop and he had to really process how to form his response. He told the woman he was fine and severed around her to keep walking. He hadn't spoken a word to any one since he asked for confirmation for Mila's betrayal. God how he felt so fucking dumb for believing her act. He kicked over a garbage can in the alley making it fly. He should have known better than to trust anyone.

...

"How can I trust this is indeed the Red Sentinel?" Von Strucker asked looking at the bruised and battered figure who sat on the floor as far from the bed as possible. The bed had ruffled sheets and the girls clothes were in tatters. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together. Strucker knew the Red Sentinel's reputation, she could have easily overpowered any man who put a hand on her that she didn't approve of. If Rumlow could have done this to the girl on the monitor than surely it was not the correct girl.

"Oh that's her alright. Got one of her older files right here." Rumlow slapped a Manila folder down on the table and Von Strucker eyed it with suspicion, it wasn't after all hard to forge documents. He slowly picked it up and began flipping through the file looking at the old sepia tone photo of the girl in question. It was taken back when women pinned their hair back. The days of the Red Skull. There was no mistaking it, she was indeed the Red Sentinel. Strucker seemed impressed that this scarred man was able to capture the woman Hydra had been looking for for nearly five years and able to bed her and come out alive.

"So what became of the soldier?" Strucker asked setting the file back down on the table.

"He escaped, but that kid you sent in said our deal was still golden without the Asset."

"Oh it is, it's just she's supposed to be better than him. So forgive me if I don't understand how he was the one to escape." Strucker smirked, he was trying to catch Rumlow in a lie that this girl was not the legend.

"Well I think I really pissed him off when I convinced him his girlfriend there was still working for us." Strucker seemed surmised at what Rumlow accused.

"The pair of them..."

"Yeah, says in some Red Room files that they used their previous relationship during the war to help the brainwashing process along. Kinda clever." Rumlow said walking towards the Baron.

" interesting." He mused.

"So what exactly are you planning to do with my gal the Sentinel?" Rumlow asked.

"Her purpose does not concern this deal. What does is what you did to my man Ian. He came to negotiate and has not returned." Rumlow's face dropped.

"I didn't touch him. He came we talked, he left. Now tell me what are you going to do with her."

"That's my business not yours."

"The girl is our business. I want to know." He warned. The Baron was not the least bit intimidated.

" why are you afraid another man might get the disgraceful honor of defiling her like you have?" Strucker pointed out. He may have been a man of questionable ethics but he could not understand what would posses a man to do such a cruelty to a woman. Rumlow pressed his lips into a fine line.

"Refresh my mind about your line of work Doctor? If I recall you've had how many die because of your experiments?" Rumlow shot.

"Ah but here lies ultimate difference; my subjects volunteered..." He smiled knowing he won but for insult continued. "That means they were willing." Rumlow scoffed at the man and walked out of the room. Strucker smirked strolling out of the room behind him knowing how he effected the man. The pair walked down the narrow hallway to make it to the small room where the Red Sentinel was being held. Rumlow stood at the doorway looking at the monitor which showed the girl still frozen on the floor as far from the tainted bed as possible. Rumlow turned around and squared up to Von Strucker.

"Transfer first." Rumlow demanded. Strucker pulled out his phone and pressed a few buttons on the screen shortly after Strucker put his phone in his pocket Rumlow's own phone vibrated. It was an alert that his account received a large deposit. Rumlow smiled and pulled out a key and sticking it in a slot just below the small monitor turned it to reveal the shell that remained of The Red Sentinel. Von Strucker thought she looked bad enough from the video screen. In person she looked much worse. Some of the blood was now dried but the bruises were turning ugly shades of yellow and purple. Her wrists seemed to have gotten the worst of the torture. They looked to be rubbed raw with some small chunks of skin missing as though she tried desperately to pull her arms outs of a device. He didn't want to see anymore of the damage the man beside him had done for he feared what it would look like.

"That bitch is all yours." Rumlow said standing to the side. Mila didn't even flinch at his voice, she was shell shocked at what had happened to her. She didn't try and bolt for the open door, didn't shoot of a sarcastic comment, she simply sat staring at the bed in front of her with her mind replaying what happened over and over. "Well go on." Rumlow said nodding his head to the girl.

"Poisonous men like you should come with a warning." He said walking past Rumlow. He tilted his head to the side taking in his advice.

"Then start calling me Crossbones."

...

Sam had only dropped down in Ukraine about seven hours ago and he already had a pretty good lead on where to start thanks to Natasha. After the Avengers held their meeting to decide how to find Loki's septor Steve pulled Sam aside and asked him to keep on the trail for Bucky. He couldn't say no to Captain America. He just really didn't want to let him down. He could see even if his friend was a crazy assassin that Steve wanted to help him. Of course this mission also came with the perk of tracking down Mila. Back at the VA she was such a spirited gal. She kept a lot of the vets smiling while they were there. She understood where they had been because she suffered more than any of them thanks to Hydra's hand. Sam felt bad for the girl. He wondered if all the things he read in that black and red journal about her were true. He wondered how much didn't make it to the journal. Mulling It over at lunch he was checking his phone emailing a friend who bravely fought in Iraq but now was suffering from depression. At the table behind him a man's phone rang. The man began sputtering things off in a language Sam could not translate and figured it was nothing until he heard clear as a bell a single name. Rumlow. The man definitely said Rumlow, who Sam thought was dead. Keeping his attention forward Sam quickly recorded the man's conversation hoping someone back at the tower could translate it all for him later. When the other man hung up Sam quickly sent the file back to Steve his message simple. Possible lead? Rumlow alive. Translate. Sam tucked a couple of foreign bills under his plate and shadowed the man as he left. As they walked out Sam's pocket vibrated and it was Steve calling.

"Hey man what's up?" Sam asked trying to sound casual in case he was overheard.

"Natasha translated. The guy was talking about a business exchange with Rumlow. Said the deal was still on and complaining about having to go back to Sokovia so soon."

"So what's the prize?"

"He didn't say. Can you find out?" Steve asked his friend.

" I suppose walking up and asking nicely won't work." Sam said watching the man turn the corner. He followed keeping s distance and trying not to lose him amongst the crowd.

"No. Keep me posted."

"Will do."

"And Sam?" Steve called out before he could hang up. "Thank you."

"Hey no problem man." Sam spoke hanging up the phone and walking around the corner. He spotted the man fumbling with his car keys and Sam approached him trying to play it cool. "Hey do you speak English? I got lost somehow and I'm trying to get back to my hotel." Sam explained. The man seemed suspicious but quickly put his keys back into is pocket trying to help the man out.

"Sure I can help. Where is your hotel?" He asked. Sam didn't think he'd get this far so he panicked a little.

"Uh, I can't remember the street name, that's the problem. It's real close to that capital building." Sam tried to play off. The man crossed his arms piecing together that this man was not important enough to be staying in that neighborhood. He would have had a security detail with him. Sam shrugged and caught a glimpse of a blue journal in the passenger seat. It had a do not open before Christmas sticker on it. There was no doubt that was Mila's journal. Sam quickly punched the man knocking him out. He fished through his pockets and pulled the keys out glad this man parked in an alley so no one would seem Sam luging him into the trunk. Once Sam accomplished that he checked him for any other weapons before closing the trunk. Sam was going to have a lot of questions for this guy once he woke up.

...

Mila was forcefully pulled into the same room as Rumlow by his men. He had to give a final goodbye before he gave her up to Von Strucker. At this point she didn't care what happened. Rumlow broke her and she didn't want to fight anymore. The pain that racked through her entire body was proof of his cruelties. Every muscle was sore from fighting back against his attack but the electro chips in her spine always let him prevail to get what he wanted from her. The images of his sweaty scarred body on top of hers was still replaying in her head. How could she let herself be so weak. The Red Room trained her better than to let a man overpower her. Of course they didn't train her for the electromagnetic pulses that would rack her entire body. Her wrists were bandaged up and some of the other wounds were covered. Everything was hastily done so it wouldn't really help her heal or not get an infection. Just something to prevent her form bleeding everywhere. Rumlow grabbed her chin and forced her to look into his eyes.

" I just wanted to let you know before you leave me sweetheart, that no matter what they do to you, or who you think you love, I've claimed you in every possible way. You will always be my favorite." He let go of her face and let his hands graze her bruised inner thighs. "Shoulda upped the price to include all of your possible services." Mila snapped back to reality at that and head butted him Sending him falling back she was quickly back on him landing well placed punches in his face with all strength the serum had given her years ago. He tried to reach for the remote to zap her again like he had nearly twenty times in a row to get her weak enough to let him take advantage but Mila had the advantage this time. She used her knees to pin his arms down as she continued to take out all of her rage on his already messed up face. His nose was broken judging by all the bleeding and he would be tasting blood for a few days as his busted lips healed. He would be lucky to see once the matching black eyes swelled shut. All of it mild compared to what she wished she could do to him. Before she could actually kill him however, three men grabbed her and pulled her away. Rumlow groaned from the floor unable to move thanks to all the head damage he just received. Mila spat on him as she was drug out getting clamped in all manner of devices. She wanted to finish him off for all the pain he had caused her both physical and emotional. She had lost her dignity and a chunk of her innocence thanks to him. She also lost her Bucky. He was lucky she was restrained or she would have tortured him until his last breath without remorse. She hadn't practiced the Red Room torture techniques in a long time and she would have loved the refresher on him. Before her rage cooled enough to allow her to see everything going on, she was thrown into a chamber and realized all too late what they were doing to her. A quick jab of a needle to her arm and the door shut with her screaming. Her hands were balled into fists against the tiny window of the cryogenic chamber as everything, herself included became painfully cold.

...

Bucky figured he had about two more days in Sokovia before it would become to risky. Surely someone would catch up to him. He found a quiet store to causally pick up a few supplies from before continuing on his quest to find the Hydra base. He quietly moved about the shoppers and snuck some shirts and a few first aid items into the pockets of his jacket without being noticed. He knew what he would need and what were just luxuries at this point. He knew that although he was craving some of the foods he saw, they would only slow him down and take up room for necessities. He darted out of the store pleased he was able to get in and out. He was not however pleased with the way he got the items. He knew the old Bucky would never do such a thing, but these were desperate times. Walking outside he wanted just a few moments of peace. He found an overpass with a old pothole filled road running under it. He watched a few cars drive below not really paying much attention until he noticed a line of trucks. He froze trying to pick out details and figure out what the shiny black trucks were doing. They had Hydra plates on them. He positioned himself to jump onto the next truck. He waited for the truck to hit the same pothole as all the others had and threw himself over the overpass landing with a thud on the back of the truck where there was no doubt very interesting cargo being held. He slowly and carefully crawled to the back of the cab with all the precision of the assassin he was, or used to be. He crawled down the back avoiding the Windows. He quickly pulled the chain holding the door closed apart with his metal hand. He opened the door quickly peering in and saw no one inside. All he saw was a big tall box. He quickly stepped in the truck and closed the door behind him. Once inside it was barely light enough to see what was inside. He relocated the only thing in the compartment and pried the wooden lid off the crate where a small sliver of light was peering through the cracks. When the lid hit the floor his heart stopped. In the small window in the chamber he could see through the frost The Red Sentinel's face frozen in a scream. The cuts were noticeable but he figured it was punishment for letting the Winter Soldier get away. Bucky slowly backed away to the doors. He had no more time to be in Sokovia. They were already on his trail. He threw open the doors and landed in the middle of street thankful there were no other cars following. He had to get a move on before they woke that damn beast from the cryofreeze. For the second time this year Bucky left Mila behind at the hands of Hydra.

An: thank you for reading please review


	26. Mind is Scrambled

**AN: here we go chapter 26 already. Damn.**

* * *

 _I think of you from time to time_

 _More than I thought I would_

 _You were just too kind_

 _And I was too young to know_

 _That's all that really matters_

 _I was a fool_

 _Those thoughts of past lovers_

 _They'll always haunt me_

 _I wish I could believe_

 _You'd never wrong me_

 _House of Memories- Panic! at the Disco_

* * *

Wanda Maximoff looked at the chamber before her were an unknown woman was frozen behind the small window. She looked like death. Wanda couldn't believe that she owed her life to this woman. The blood sample they took from this woman helped her and her brother survive the experiments that Von Strucker had performed. Now Wanda was able to explore the full potential of her abilities. This was part of the testing. Von Strucker believe she could perform at some level mind manipulation with her enhancement. He wanted Wanda to test her abilities on the same woman who gave them to her. He had already used the Sentinel for her sole purpose. He took her blood hoping he could recreate or enhanced individuals who would survive his experiments. Her super soldier blood held the secret.

Wanda placed her hand over the glass and a small line of red dust sprouted from her fingers to inside the chamber wrapping around the woman's temples. She just wanted to see what she was thinking. See if she could simply read the mind before trying to alter it or dig into it's secrets. Focusing her efforts to look into the woman's mind it hurt at first. But once she did it took everything ounce of her attention to stay focused. The woman's mind was full of so much information all running through at once that Wanda could only hold the connection for a moment before falling back to a chair panting. Von Strucker watched from afar writing down what he saw. When he was finished he walked back to the young volunteer and asked her a series of questions.

" what did you see?" He asked pen at the ready.

"I don't know. There was so much at once. It was like her mind is a super computer. I saw her with a little girl, fighting in a war, kissing some man, shooting a little boy-"

"Her life. You were seeing her life. Her memories all floating around. It is no surprise that these were overbearing. Her mind was altered to store more information than the average human capacity. I would like you to focus on what she is thinking at the moment. But before that, how did it make you feel?" He asked eager to hear her response.

"Overwhelmed. Like I couldn't breath. It felt like fear." She spoke looking down at the floor.

"In time you might learn how to make others feel that way about their own thoughts." Von Strucker smirked before stepping away. "Now again." Wanda wet her lips and sighed. She slowly approached the girl in the chamber again hoping she could be more successful the second time around. She held her hand over the glass and looked at the girl trying to figure out how to focus the red matter energy that seemed to help with her enhancements. When the tendrils again wrapped around the woman's temples 'Wanda saw not a flash of a thousand memories at once but somehow it was like she was standing seeing a million little video clips paused. Her attention was drawn to one in particular that was a very handsome man with blue eyes smiling at her. Wanda let the red energy surround the handsome man and she was instantly viewing the memory.

" _Betty, c'mon I betcha five bucks I could." Betty gave him a light shove and a pointed glare._

 _"Bucky, it's not a fair bet. You've been out in the field and I've seen the damage. I'd hate to see you get hurt." Bucky scoffed at her rolled his eyes._

 _"It's one measly broken wrist" he waved his bandaged arm in the air for good measure. "I think you're just afraid."_

 _"Afraid I'll kick your ass too hard and then you have to explain to Dugan why you're limping on missions." Betty crossed her arms._

 _"C'mon you joined the army to fight am I right? Just please join me in the gym once. I get sick of all the boys down there." Bucky pleaded._

 _"You are persistent you know that." Betty said stepping closer to the man grabbing the fabric of his shirt. He gave his signature smirk that didn't fail to make her smile and blush._

 _"Thank you ma'am." He said leaning down._

 _"It wasn't a compliment." She stated closing her eyes and leaning up to press her lips onto his. The kissing went on as Bucky back slowly backed her up against the wall of the narrow hallway. Betty could feel his body completely pressed against her own. Her heartbeat going crazy as he placed his hands on her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck letting her fingers sweep through his dark locks._

" _Bucky, stop it!" The pair pulled apart quickly forgetting that they were indeed at work. They turned and saw Steve and Dugan watching them with a smile. "She's our strategist! You'll give her a case of the stupid if you keep kissing her like that." Steve commented. Bucky shook his head and Betty pushed him away completely missing his body heat already._

 _"I think she's immune to it." Bucky said._

 _"You better hope so." Dugan commented walking closer to Betty to stand beside her. "Now I heard rumors that Stark is placing bets on a fight. You veruses this lug here." Dugan nodded towards Bucky. Betty's jaw set with bemusement._

 _"Oh is that why you wanted me to accompany you to the gym today." Bucky put his arms out in surrender. His friend sold him out. Everyone already knew you wouldn't win against Peggy, but maybe you could against her friend. Howard's original idea was to watch the two ladies fight each other, in the mud, in their swimsuits. Betty heard his proposal for that fight over breakfast. Bucky had chimed in that he wouldn't know who to bet on before Betty walked away. Clearly that conversation drifted to Bucky fighting Betty._

 _"Look doll I thought it'd be fun, you and me getting all hot and sweaty rolling around… then maybe we could go to the gym and box." Betty's jaw dropped. She knew better than to presume the officer standing across from her would be a gentleman, he was a man in the army after all. Steve and Dugan chuckled at the man's suggestion and Steve moved to get between the two._

 _"You two save the pillowtalk for later." He looked back at his friend and then focused on Betty. "So you two going to humor our bet or do I have to get my ass kicked by Peggy?" Steve asked._

 _"Was that the alternate bet?" Betty crossed her arms. "I have to admit I'd put money on Peggy for that fight." Dugan laughed clapping Betty on the shoulder as he did and Bucky turned away not wanting his best friend to see that he agreed with his girl. Steve sighed._

" _Betty let's go." Bucky said walking down the hall towards the gym. Betty shook her head._

 _"Barnes, you are going to get hurt." She said following him. Steve and Dugan were smirking watching the two._

 _"I'm betting Raden." Dugan said._

 _"Me too." Steve said._

 _"I heard you traitor!" Bucky yelled from ahead and turning back to glare if only for good measure. He wouldn't scare any of the people behind him and he knew it. He turned back to Betty and wrapped an arm around her waist. "You know you might've kicked my ass at the race, but I ain't going easy on you this time doll." Betty pecked his cheek with a light kiss._

 _"Don't worry, I'll go easy on you." She said with a smirk._

The memory quickly dissipated before her and Wanda opened her eyes surprised she wasn't in the hallway she just saw. No she was still in Sokovia but it all seemed so vivid. She shook her head and let the last remnants of the woman's memories disappear. She turned to look over at von Strucker who seemed amused.

"Well?" He asked.

"I saw her happy. Her name is Betty. She… she knew Captain America and I think I saw her boyfriend. What happened to her?" Wanda questioned.

"Pay no mind to that. How did you know she knew the Captain?" Wanda shrugged.

"She was talking to him in the memory. I know it was him. We've seen his face plastered over enough magazines."

"Interesting." von Strucker said writing something down on his paper.

" Can I see Pietro now?" Wanda asked. Von Strucker nodded and waved her out the door. She quickly left and when the door closed Von Strucker looked at the girl in the cryochamber smirking. If he had any doubt that this was the woman remembered for her service and dedication to Hydra and the KGB over the past 70 years, it was erased. How else could she have known Captain America?

…

Bucky looked down at the crumpled picture of the Time magazine cover with Steve Rogers on the cover. Well, Captain America. Bucky was hiding in one of the cargo cars of a train and managed to calm himself enough despite knowing it was a terrible idea. He hated the idea of being on a train and he was constantly afraid that someone would come in and shoot the train car's side off. He stayed firmly tucked in the corner trying to think of anything from his Brooklyn past with Steve all on his own. He had Mil-The Red Sentinel constantly telling him tales from his past during the army. How much truth there was to it he had no idea. He knew he was on his own now and he wanted to remember as much about Steve as he could, maybe he could take him in and help him after he remembered enough. Surely he could trust Steve. He let his head fall back against the wall and tried to focus, let his mind wander.

 _Steve and Bucky were on a train into the city. The Dodgers were playing the Giants and the pair of them had scrounged up enough of their cash to get a train ticket and game tickets with just enough left over that they could split a bag of cracker jacks. They sat down in their seats legs bouncing with excitement._

 _"I think Rex Banrney'll be pitchin' the whole game." Steve said playing with the worn ball cap that was too tight for his head anymore. His dad got it for him when they went to their first Dodgers game._

 _"Steve you're a moron! We're playing the Giants, Red's going to keep Allen in til the seventh." Bucky leaned back in his chair surprised his friend would make such a ridiculous claim._

 _"Whatever, as long as they win against 'em I don't care who's pitching." Steve put the cap back on his head and Bucky quickly took it back off only to hold it away from him. "Hey that's the lucky hat!" Steve whined trying to get it back from his friend who held an arm against his chest to keep him from reclaiming it._

 _"I oughta buy you a new one. Your birthday's in what a week?"_

 _"It's tomorrow you dummy." Steve said pushing against his friend's arm failing miserably to get his hat back. With a quick reach he plucked it from his friend's grip and sat on it to prevent him from taking it away again. "Besides, dad bought this for me." Steve rested an elbow on the arm rest leaning away from his friend. Bucky grabbed his shoulder and gave a squeeze._

 _"I know pal. Just givin you a hard time." The train came to a stop and the pair of boys got off quickly looking at the street signs to make it to the game before it began. THey ran down the streets and went to the ticket booth money already crumpled in their hands to practically throw at the man in the booth before he could even say 2.20 for their tickets. Bucky nabbed the tickets when they were slid across the granite and as they tried to find their seats they noticed they were slowly seeing a sea of orange and black ties on the gentleman and few ladies._

 _"Damn it. Sitting in Giant's territory." Steve said. Bucky shrugged, at least they would get to see their team._

" _We can always beat em up for giving us trouble." Bucky suggested earning a small laugh from Steve. When they found their seats they were smack dab in the middle of Giant's fans happily cheering about the game. Bucky shook his head. Of course this would happen to them. He looked over at the man beside Steve, probably the only man here not wearing a suit. He was in Army Greens and had two young ladies on the other side of him. He noticed they were both wearing black dresses with orange accessories. The poor man corrupted the girls into being Giants fans. He paid them no further notice until after the game started. The game began and got off to a great start the Dodgers scored a homerun, which only made the boys cheer for their team. They earned glares from the fans around them. One in particular Bucky noticed was from a beautiful brown haired women._

 _"Can't you Dodgers fans find a more appropriate seat? Perhaps the garbage bin round back?" She suggested. Bucky noticed Steve was itchin to argue back but he also noticed how beautiful the dame was, even if she was a Giants fan._

 _"Beatrice!" The elder man seated beside Steve called._

 _"Just a suggestion father." She said before throwing some popcorn in her mouth. Bucky chuckled at the thought that this father took his two daughters to the game. Poor guy must not have had any boys._

 _"It's ok sir. Women get a little worked up over things." Bucky commented hoping to soothe the tensions. Instead he heard a shriek and was covered in an ice cold Coca Cola._

 _"Betty!" Cried her sister._

" _That's uncalled for young lady. We're going home." The father said tugging on her arm to leave the stands. She rolled her eyes and obeyed orders. Bucky wiped the cola from his face and looked over at Steve._

 _"I feel sorry for the poor bastard that would marry her." Bucky commented as his friend laughed at him._

Bucky snapped his head up only to be greeted by the blackness of the car. He was that poor bastard. He wanted to marry that girl. He had met Betty ages before the war and knew even then she was a pistol. He shook his head trying not to think about her. She was no longer that woman. She was heartless and a traitor.

…

Sam Wilson was a pararescue not a cop. He had no idea how interrogations were supposed to work. He presumed you tied 'em up asked a question and if they didn't answer rough them up a little. This was a little more difficult than they portrayed on the TV shows.

"Do I need to ask again?" Sam said looking at the young man tied up to a chair across from him. Sam honestly had no idea how to get a guy to talk in an interrogation. His line of work had him getting guys to open up in a completely different approach. However Hydra agents didn't exactly get all warm and fuzzy after building trust and talking about their past.

" why do you care?" The man named Ian asked.

"Just tell me what is Brock Rumlow selling? I don't care about your boss." Sam sat across from the man in the basement of a random building.

"A legend." Ian replied smirking. He wasn't lying but this man wouldn't understand what he meant.

"Her name Mila?"

"That is not the weapon's name." Ian said trying more so to convince himself that the woman he saw the other day was not human, simply another weapon.

"So you're selling a weapon?" Sam worried for his friend Mila. While their meetings were brief he trusted her but he saw what Hydra did to Steve's friend. It was nothing too far off course to assume they could do the same to his pal Mila.

"Not me. Rumlow. He caught the girl. Seemed pretty pissed off that he lost the whole package. Strucker still took her." Ian looked down at the floor shaking his head. " both men are monsters in their own sense."

"Then why you working for them?" Ian looked up at Sam rolling his eyes.

"I am not working for either man you idiot. I am the middle man. I am a toy, a pawn. I took the job because I needed money. Men like that want men like me to run around for them so they don't get their hands dirty. I am a free agent. I've done business like this for the good guys too." Sam cocked his head to the side.

"Well that would almost make you important. You get to know everyone's secrets."

"No we are called moles for a reason. We are kept in the dark and are fed dirt. We never get more than enough information to conduct business. Simple." Sam nodded slowly he still needed to know where this Strucker guy was holding Mila. If she was indeed the object in question for the trade.

"Ok while we are on track for simple; What happened to her?" Sam pulled out his phone showing a picture of Mila. The same one released to every type of media when her HYDRA file finally became deciphered. Ian studied her photo. A sad look came across his face. She was not always a tool for Hydra he could see that. Based on the way this man so desperately wanted to know about her he could also gather she was a friend. He remembered watching Rumlow torture the girl through the monitors inside his base. Ian had a wife at home nearly this Mila woman's age. He couldn't imagine her suffering like that girl.

"What will you do with her?" Ian asked quietly.

"She's my friend, I am trying to help her." Sam spoke truthfully. He relied on his instincts from the VA to get him to open up. If he was honest, showed his allegiance and dedication to her than the man might open up in return.

"Rumlow sold her to a man in Sokovia. Rumors say the man, Von Strucker used to be Hydra but since the fall of SHIELD he's been a free man serving his own purpose. I don't know what he does nor why he wanted your friend. I was only informed that Von Strucker would take her for 78 billion USD and I could up the price to 79 if need be. The original deal Von Strucker was promised both the Winter Soldier and The Red Sentinel but the Soldier escaped. The price dropped drastically."

"Oh I can imagine. 'Cuz 78 billion is just pocket change to the rest of us." Sam deadpanned. Ian gave him a pointed look.

"He is based in Sokovia but he always met to exchange information in a small safe house in Chisinau just outside the city."

"Chisinau?" Sam questioned certain he was making it all up.

"You Americans, all so ignorant. It's the capital of Moldova. That's all I can tell you. Just let me go home to my wife." Ian offered. Sam pulled out the man's phone from his pocket that he took earlier. He put it in the man's tied up hands and smiled.

"Why don't you call her and have her pick you up?" He said leaving the man in the basement while he tried to figure out how to get to Moldova.

…

 _Bucky stood back watching a scene from months ago play out before him. He was back in Italy Mila and him were arguing about why she shot his only lead on the Red Sentinel's trail. They were in the Hydra safe house disguised as a garage._

 _"I'm tired of having worse odds. I want to figure out what is going on in my head without the fear of someone capturing me and fucking it all up again! You have no idea-" Bucky yelled before Mila cut him off._

 _"You know I do." His heart ached a little. She had been through the same tortures as he had. He watched as he kept pushing her._

 _"Why would there be so many Hydra units looking for you?" He shot._

 _" I don't know! He was probably talking shit trying to get you to turn on your only ally."_

 _LIAR Bucky screamed in his head at the scene. She knew why Hydra was looking for her. She was the very person Bucky was trying to hunt down. He wished he could have shot her right there. He wished his brain wasn't so scrambled so he could have recognized her. He spun around forgetting everything too pissed to worry about her. Then her voice continued clear as a bell. "His name was Rumlow. He told me exactly what Pierce liked and what I should do. It was disgusting." Bucky's hatred cooled momentarily as he turned back to look at her messing with the tracking device in the SUV they spent months safely traveling in because she got rid of said device. He watched her face grow with tension not because of the difficulty of removing the tracker but because she was genuinely afraid of her own memories. He had seen that look in the mirror before. "I didn't even have free will enough to be repulsed at the time. I just complied, that's what they did to me. A machine in a woman's body. I remember everything they did to me." He watched the memory as he crouched down beside her picking up the device she dropped in her anxiety._

" _So why did you run?" His soothing voice asked._

 _" I couldn't shake the feeling of his hands on me. My thoughts were clouded I thought you were him." She said crying. Bucky felt his heart plummet. Rumlow played him. He realized now seeing how afraid she was that she couldn't have possibly set a trap with him. When he turned around he was face to face with Rumlow._

 _"Oh c'mon you know the only reason the KGB turned her into the Red Sentinel was because no one could play your emotions like her." Bucky turned back around hoping to find Mila but was only met with an image of him strapped in the chair that wiped his memory. There she stood smirking next to Rumlow as Bucky was at the mercy of the doctors who had no intentions of healing him. The machine came to life and Bucky could just catch out of the corner of his eye Rumlow grabbing Mila around the waist and whispering in her ear making her smile while Bucky screamed as his mind was fried._

Bucky awoke with a sudden urge to run. He looked around chest hammering from his heart about to leap out. He was in an alley and very much alone judging by the surroundings. He quickly stood and began walking again. He needed to find a place to settle and get his bearings before wandering off again. His dream sent him mixed messages and he had no idea what to believe. Fuck Hydra for screwing with his head.

…

Wanda was at her wits end trying to figure out how to manipulate the woman's thoughts to show her the deepest fears come to light. So far all she could do was see memories of her tortured life. One man in particular arose frequently in those dreaded memories. His name was Brock Rumlow and she had seen the same image of him taking her In the most painful ways for days now. The only time the memories changed was when she saw that same man turn the lover, a Sargent, against her and leave her behind. Wanda felt as though she could become permanently depressed if she kept messing in this woman's mind. Currently she was viewing a memory where the woman in question was standing beside the man she feared most watching her lover being strapped into some chair with a machine behind it.

 _Mila stood by Rumlow's side smirking because she was finally getting to go on a mission outside of Pierce's bedroom. She had no idea how long she had been in Cryofreeze freeze, Rumlow had aged well making her believe it was only a couple years between missions this time. Rumlow snaked an arm around her waist squeezing her hip and pulling her in close so he could whisper in her ear._

 _"you still look as ravishing as ever. When you're done with this mission how about you and I see if you remember your training." Rumlow offered. Mila put on the coy expression with a slow smile eager to show her handler that she did indeed remember what it was that Pierce and Rumlow both liked from their women._

 _" you mean let a big powerful man like you pin me down and ravage me?" Dirty talk. These men liked dirty talk that boosted their egos. Rumlow chuckled darkly making her give a slight giggle before the screams of the man being prepped for a mission pierced their ears. She didn't bother to flinch. It wasn't in the Red Sentinel's reac_ tions to be afraid of screaming. Not even when they were from the man she loved.

Wanda broke off the memory on her own shaking her head.

"Who is this woman?! What have they done to her?" Wanda asked Von Strucker who was in his normal spot sitting a fair distance away. He put the pen down and looked to the floor.

"If you could look into her mind Wanda you could answer those questions on your own. Now, again." He demanded.

 **AN: well what do you think so far? I tried to lighten the mood,a bit these two have suffered a lot but it will turn out ok. Bucky just can't make,up his mind about Mila. Did she really betray him or not? Poor guy.**


	27. Fear Will Hold You Back

**AN: Thank you for your support please review as I need your input on something. Read last AN to find out what.**

* * *

 _Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer-both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.  
-Bram Stoker, Dracula_

* * *

Mila felt the searing pain of being frozen first and foremost. Her skin was tingling with the last remains of frost melting off of her. Every muscle felt stiff and sore. She felt a prickling pain throughout her body before the pain of everything else she had been through came to surface. She also had the worst migraine of her entire life. It was the type God would smite you with to keep you in line. Her eyelids felt too heavy to open and as she regained consciousness she could hear the whispering of people around her, broken words, a language she couldn't yet decipher. She slowly moved her stiff neck and felt a small pain in her arm. Cryofreeze, they were waking her up. Her heartbeat increased and she could feel her body firing up as they shot her with a syringe full of adrenaline, the typical coffee after a Cryo nap. She opened her eyes and was in an unfamiliar place. She tried to find the person who woke her up. Who was her new handler? That was her first thought. She felt fear build up within her at the thought of being at someone else's beck and call. She didn't want to chase The Winter Soldier down… no it was Bucky. Her Bucky from the War. As her eyes darted across the room trying figure out where the voices were coming from noticed she was isolated in a small room with what looked like castle building stones as the walls. She was confused and afraid. She felt a pang of depression at the thought of being ordered to do something else for the KGB. She slowly stepped out of the chamber fumbling and hitting the floor on her knees. More pain greeted her and she felt the tugging of skin on the inside of her thighs. She tried to remember why that was. She never woke up from Cryo in this much pain. What did the KGB do to her?

Looking down at her hands she could see new scars around her wrists and then it dawned on her. She wasn't about to be reprogrammed as the Red Sentinel. She had been free from Hydra for five years, perhaps more. She had no way of knowing how long she had been in Cryofreeze. She felt fear and pain, those were not things the Red Sentinel felt. The device made her void of feeling much of anything. Hydra and the KGB both made sure she was patched up correctly before freezing her so she would heal correctly. Wherever she was now, she had free will and they didn't know how to take care of her. This had its perks and downfalls. She was still disoriented with the migraine and slowly laid down on the floor hoping that by not using any muscle strength it would help her. No such luck. What in the hell happened before she went under? As her mind tried to piece it together her migraine shockingly got better. She couldn't describe it but it felt like someone had been playing with her mind like a stress ball. Rumlow! Her eyes widen remembering everything that he had done to her before she tried to beat his ass to death. A flood of emotions hit her and she couldn't pin down which she felt more; hatred, rage, fear, sadness, disappointment, disgust, or shock. She didn't know if Rumlow was waiting to return to her to finish his job or if she was finally sold to someone to do Lord only knows what. Then she remembered Bucky. She had lost Bucky because of Rumlow. Rumlow turned Bucky against her. A sob escaped and it brought on even more emotions she couldn't hold back. This time it was clear what hit her most, depression. She finally got him back and she lost him thinking she betrayed him. She could never in her life betray that man willingly. It was all due to the KGB and Hydra that she did for seventy years. She heard a door creak open but she didn't bother to move from the crying heap she was on the floor.

"Ms. Sentinel." Came a voice she had never heard before. She honestly didn't care who it was, she lost everything, she could have been faced with death and would have welcomed it. A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder and she turned to meet the man who she now belonged to.

"Who the hell are you?" She asked.

"Barren Von Strucker. Please you are a guest." Mila scoffed at the idea that someone would buy a woman with her skills to merely spoil as a princess. "Well, perhaps I have other ideas for you, but honestly it only requires you to sit down and talk. I need you to help a young woman become great." Mila sat up and glared at the floor.

"I don't do that anymore. I do not train women to be killers." Mila said flatly wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. She saw glimpses of being back in the Red Room training young orphans to be elite spies. She remembered watching them snap each others necks, shoot each other, brutally fight each other, all because of the way she trained them.

"Oh no, this woman has a different skill she needs to train. Ms. Maximoff?" The girl in question stepped into the room a man with silver hair shadowing her. "This is The Red Sentinel. She is the woman who you should be thanking for your life." Mila's face crumpled in confusion. She didn't recall saving anybody just losing Bucky.

"Her name is Betty." Wanda commented softly. Mila shook her head.

"I don't go by that anymore." She shot off.

"Then what do we call you?" Von Strucker asked.

"Case number 19." She said knowing that's how she was referred to as in all of the KGB files. She didn't want these people to know her name, hell she was baffled that the young woman even knew her real name.

"19, good. Assign yourself a number not a name. It will make it easier." Von Strucker spoke.

"So, it was her blood?" The silver haired man spoke in an accented voice.

"Yes." Von Strucker stood going to join the pair. Mila was floored, all this trouble just for her blood? How did it save these two? Were they now super soldiers like her and Bucky? Her back tensed thinking of what all that meant. Now there would be eight Winter Soldiers she would need to track down in case someone went rouge. She was tired of that life. Her anxiety started building as an invisible weight pressed down in her chest. "Now, 19, they have their own talents nothing like yours. You simply helped them survive the experiments that I thought were going successful. That's why your price was so high, you were the only hope that these two could survive. Please you two introduce yourselves."

"Pietro, this is my sister Wanda." The silver haired man spoke stepping in front of his sister. It was clear now that he said it, he had been holding her wrist in a protective embrace the entire time they had been there as if at any moment he may grab his sister and run from the terrible cold blooded killer Mila was known to be. Mila didn't trust him either, she knew if she made the wrong move he would just as quickly hurt her to protect his sister. It intimidated her a bit knowing that she would have to help this woman so obviously the little sibling under the wing.

"So what now?" Mila asked accepting her fate and hoping not to piss of Pietro even though she knew she could handle him.

"Now you will help Wanda." Von Strucker commented as though it should be obvious what the job entailed. Mila pursed her lips together and looked down at her haggard appearance. She knew she looked weak, but that was the Cryofreeze effects wearing off. Her clothes were still in tatters with dry blood from Rumlow's revenge and she didn't even want to think of the frizzy mess her hair was.

"Just to be clear, I am not getting sent out on a mission to kill." Mila spoke clearly.

"Correct." Von Strucker said with a bob of his head. He considered himself to be more civilized than the Hydra scum he previously worked for. He was not about to submit this woman to a life she already lived when she had a new and better purpose.

"Than I am making two demands." Von Strucker tilted his head curious to know what a woman in her position could possibly demand. "I want to freshen up." Her brown eyes bore into Von Strucker as though she could make him comply with their intensity. He nodded. "And I demand to know the date." She spoke afraid to hear the answer.

"March 10, 2015." Pierto spoke baffled as to why she would ask such a ridiculous question. Mila's lip trembled at that answer. Although there was so much going on in her head, too many things for her to begin to process with her current situation, she knew the weight of the day.

"Happy birthday Buck." She whispered to herself.

…

The birthday boy was far from celebrating on this special occasion. He had come to terms that at any moment The Red Sentinel would pop back into his life and ruin it. This meant he needed to figure out how to safely preserve the memories he had and blend in so well with society that she would never find him for at least a year or two. Tucking a journal with only a few blank pages left in it into the black backpack at his feet he zipped it shut throwing it over his shoulder. He had a few more stops left on this subway line before he would be close to the address on the crumpled classified ad in his jacket pocket. His metal hand was hidden by a glove but it still drummed against his thigh with nervousness. This job was simple, anybody with a brain could go and deliver some newspapers. He settled for the job because it was low profile, required no background information, and because he remembered doing the same thing with his friend Steve when they were in grade school to help their families get a little more money during The Great Depression. It was an honest way to earn some money and he could keep an eye on the headlines to make sure that nothing suspicious came up. If it did, he would know and could quickly pack up and go to the next place. The train stopped and the doors slid open after a warning about watching your step. Bucky blended in well enough with the crowd and made his way to the stairs with giant chips in the tiles no doubt a hazard to everyone on their daily commute. When Bucky surfaced to street level he checked the Russian street signs trying to remember which way to go. He never thought he would be thankful for a Hydra trained skill but map memorization and being able to know his coordinate, it came in handy. Bucky turned down the streets working through the maze of the city with ease as he came to a building that looked run down on the outside but once he stepped in the machines looked new enough that he didn't question the validity of the ad. Once in it took asking three writers where the boss was and when Bucky was face to face with the elderly man he explained that with all the happenings of the world with SHIELD and Hydra, people wanted to stay up-to-date. They needed the paper because it was a hell of a lot cheaper than a TV. Sales were up and new routes were created but there were not enough men to run it. Bucky was hired on the spot and was given a paper with all those on his route written on it. The boss suggested he get familiar with it now so that he could find the places in the early morning darkness. Bucky left thanking his new boss and looked at one of the many stacks of papers on the floor. He briefly read the headline and then glanced at the date. It was his birthday. He 98 years old today and he was finally trying to have a normal life if only in the smallest sense.

…

Mila was strapped down to an operation table her heart beat hadn't calmed down since she walked into the room. She knew this because she was plugged into a few monitors to watch her vital signs as Wanda began her training. Mila still didn't know what this girl was training for but all Mila had to do was talk about what she saw. Whatever that meant. Wanda stood at the head of the metal gurney with her hands on either side of Mila's temples.

"First active trial on mental manipulation on Case number 19." Von Strucker spoke into a recorder. mila 's eyebrows knitted together with concern.

"The hell did you say?" Mila asked before her vision faded and the ceiling she was looking at melted into the same blinding white one she had seen while Rumlow was on top of her. She looked around at her surroundings and could see him leaning smug against the far wall his face just as it was before the ugly scarring. It was scarier because he seemed more human, and humans didn't do the sick things he had.

"What's up doll?" He asked trying to mimic Bucky's Brooklyn accent that she fell in love with over 70 years ago.

"The fuck do you want?!" She screamed at him trying to charge at him but realized that she was being held back by something- no someone- very strong. She fought against the person as Rumlow got closer his smile growing.

"I just wanted to let you know, your little lover has a message for you." Rumlow whispered in her ear making her cringe. In the other ear came Bucky's voice. He was the one holding her back.

"Why don't you do me a favor and rot in hell you traitorous bitch." Bucky said as Rumlow quickly took her from his grip her back still to Bucky. "See how it feels." He growled plunging a sharp knife in her back. She screamed out in pain against Rumlow which only made him laugh.

"Oh I like a screamer." He said as she felt the knife being pulled out again. When it hit her in the back again she shook herself awake and could see Wanda's face peering down at her.

"Get away you damn witch!" She screamed. Her breathing was shallow as she tried to determine how it seemed so real. Wanda backed up slowly knowing that she achieved her goal but she felt a little hurt at the name she was called. Pietro had it so much easier he was bouncing off the walls, literally, trying to stabilize and control his speed. This was draining her but she could tell she was getting better at controlling her powers. She stood off to the side fiddling with her hands waiting for Von Strucker to intervene. She simply did as she was told, try to show the person's biggest fears and bend them to appear real. Von Strucker walked up and saw the pure fear in Mila's eyes as he approached. That meant something was going well. He smiled holding the recorder out.

"Well, what did you see?" He asked. Mila shot daggers at him with her darkened eyes. This was worse than anything she could imagine. If she had to keep reliving that scene over and over until this Wanda chick was an expert, she would have rather they just cut her open and drain her of all her blood to make more super soldiers. At least then she wouldn't feel the pain of Bucky thinking she betrayed him while Rumlow got off on it all.

"What the fuck kind of twisted shit was that?!" Mila cried.

"That is what I am asking you, if you explain what you saw, then I can explain." Mila tried to steady her breathing and shook her head.

"I saw Rumlow and…." She didn't know how to describe Bucky, in truth mentioning him seemed her last reliable way to protect him. "And it was the same things he did to me before the freeze."

"So you saw memories?" Von Strucker questioned. Mila nodded slowly while Wanda looked taken aback. She had seen the same thing Mila had, there was a second man and she was not mentioning it.

"Yes." She lied putting on her poker face trademarked by the Red Room's training. Von Strucker hummed in thought and looked to Wanda a brow raised.

"Well, try again." Wanda shook her head.

"No, I saw there was another man in the vision. I have seen that man before. It was not a memory, it was a vision." Wanda was defending her abilities trying not to seem like a novice. Mila gritted her teeth as her last chance to help keep Bucky safe failed.

"Well which of you is telling the truth?" He pondered. Just then a messenger came in holding out a piece of paper to Von Strucker. He quickly nabbed it from the younger man's grip and scanned the page. His face folded into annoyance and he crumpled the page throwing it on the floor.

"Damn them all. Make sure that our defences are upped, if they are getting that close we must take every precaution. We have too much to lose here." The man nodded before leaving just as quickly as he entered. Both women in the lab wondered what was going on but neither would dare ask. Wanda looked down at the floor so that Von Strucker wouldn't see the red tinge to her eyes as she tried to read his mind. It was like listening to an old radio but the thoughts were clear enough; The Avengers were looking to take out all the Hydra bases they could find and they were getting really close to Sokovia. She removed herself from his thoughts smirking. That meant Tony Stark would be near and Wanda and Pietro could finally get revenge.

It wasn't until the fifth day in a row of Wanda's training that she spoke to Mila. After Mila snapped out of her shell shocked state of seeing Bucky shove her off to Rumlow to stab her in the back, Mila would only glare at Wanda. Mila was a ninety-six year old woman but that didn't mean she was above shooting dirty looks at the girl for what she was doing to her mind. After Von Strucker left that day Wanda stayed behind finally letting her guilt wear away at her facade. She knew Von Strucker's men typically came in to take Mila back to her cell in the basement of the castle, but today Wanda made those men change their minds when she explained she wanted to continue training without an audience. Mila watched as the younger woman perhaps in her early twenties paced around the room before her. It didn't take too much of Mila's skills to know that the woman was nervous as hell and wanted to get something off her chest.

"Speak." Mila commanded. She wasn't normally so bossy but she was pissed. This situation of always reliving her fear so that this woman could practice her weird skills was draining her. She hated the feeling that lingered after this woman was in her mind and all she wanted to do was know if Bucky was still alive hating her, if he had been killed hating her, or if he was captured by Hydra and wiped.

"I don't know how to say it." Wanda began speaking with her accent.

"Say what?"

"I am sorry for what he makes me do." Wanda quietly said finally standing still. Her back was to Mila so she couldn't read her expression but her words hit her worse than some of Rumlow's blows. Mila couldn't believe she was hating this young woman when it was obvious Von Strucker was making her train like this. She knew all too well the feeling of having someone else pull your strings and making you do things you never would. Mila shook her head and looked down at her lap.

"I forgive you." She said firmly. Oh how she ached to hear those words from all those she had wronged over the past seventy years but why would they forgive her? Why would Bucky let it go? Wanda was simply another victim in the endless Hydra cycle. Mila watched as Wanda slowly spun around and gave a half smile.

"I see what it is you fear most and perhaps we could come to a truce with one another?" Mila tilted her head not understanding what it was that Wanda was planning. She knew Von Strucker would still expect her to train on Mila's mind and put her through hell everyday. "Perhaps if I can make you see your worst fear, maybe my abilities would also show what would make you happiest?" Wanda gave a sympathetic look. "I was in your head enough while you were frozen. I have seen the life you've had… I think you deserve some happiness. We can tell Von Strucker that you are seeing terrible things and how would he know the difference?" Wanda offered. Mila smiled at the thought but then she wondered how much prodding had Wanda done in her mind.

"What exactly do you know about me?" Mila asked. Wanda opened her mouth trying to explain herself because she realized that some of the thoughts she looked at were intimate and shouldn't have been exposed to her.

"I know you are much older than you look. You fought in World War I and fell in love. Then you were taken by KGB and turned against that man. You've been with Hydra for years. I don't know how you got free or how exactly they made you work for them-"  
"A mind control device. There's a giant scar on the back of my neck. It would control the chemicals in my brain, brain waves, and receptors to manipulate me into pure compliance for them. I would have never done anything that happened after 1946 if it wasn't for that device." Mila's face was solemn but her eyes were staring a place thousands of miles away. She remembered the cold table, the pain, the cutting, all the orders, killing, betraying him- she shook her head and looked back to Wanda. "What about you? How did they get you roped up in this escapade? I mean what is it exactly you can do?"

"We don't know my full potential. That is why we are training. However, my brother and I volunteered for the experiments that would give us special skills, we hoped it would help return our Sokovia to the way it was when we were kids. Before the bombings." Wanda trailed off bitterly remembering losing her parents to the violence in her homeland.

"Wait, are we in Sokovia? The same Sokovia where the Dark Sting Uprising happened?" Mila questioned. Wanda nodded. Mila felt a weight in her chest, she remembered that night. One of her few missions that didn't involve hunting down the Winter Soldier was to aide the Hydra officers here to sneak into the Scorpion kill squad and tamper with their equipment to make their missiles go off. Hydra needed to create chaos so people would surrender their freedom and Mila had helped with that. Clearly everything in Sokovia was forgotten for the long term plans.

"Yes. But I blame Tony Stark for it all, he ruined our lives. We will get revenge on him somehow." She spoke. "It was his missile that blew up our apartment." Mila tensed. Tony Stark was the reason she was alive right now. It was his genius that allowed the device in her head to become deactivated and be a free woman without the fail safe causing an explosion in her head.

"Oh." Was Mila's only response. Perhaps a truce with Wanda wouldn't be a good idea. She sighed, she would just have to play along long enough to get out of here. An opportunity would arise soon she was certain of it.

* * *

 **AN: Well Bucky seems to be having some better luck. Mila… she's getting there. Obviously we're in March so that means getting close to Avengers AOU time. Should be in the next two or three chapters. I am not sure if I want to break this story up into a sequel or make it be one giant story. So just let me know in a review what you would like.**


	28. A Silver Lining

**AN: well if you're anything like me you'd rather hide in the bathroom than do the Thanksgiving thing. So here is your reading material while you're in there. Happy thanksgiving**

 _I looked in the dark_  
 _The room calm and cold_  
 _And quiet hollow_  
 _I am such a haunted soul_  
 _Your ghost has gone to bed_  
 _Its all cold_

 _The light had slipped through the window_  
 _The morning ripped you away oh_

Betty wiped her hands clean from the last of the cooking mess. She glanced to her sister who was sitting in the dining room with her son and two other boys with matching dark hair and blue eyes like their daddy. Grant and Theodore kept switching between pestering their Aunt Eva and Aunt Rebecca. Betty rather enjoyed the whole scene of her family gathered around the table. Now she just needed to grab the boys away from their garage project. Peggy who insisted on setting the table popped in to grab more plates nearly running into Betty who was trying to get her carving knife.  
"Sorry." Peggy sputtered laughing.  
"It's alright, who's here now?" Betty inquired trying to peer into the dining room or listen for new voices.  
" your in laws, the twins." Peggy quickly spoke grabbing some cloth napkins on the way out. Betty smiled, good she hoped Bucky's brother and sister could make it to Thanksgiving. It wasn't like Betty and Bucky lived too far from Brooklyn, just enough to get a house with a backyard for their sons to play in. Peggy popped back in grabbing the dishes of food they had been cooking all day.  
"Go grab those boys." She urged in his British accent.  
"Look here agent Carter, just because you're my boss at the SSR doesn't mean get to boss me in my own home. And on thanksgiving nonetheless!" Betty mocked anger. Peggy rolled her eyes at her friends dramatics. Betty walked into the garage where Steve, Raymond, and her husband Bucky were gathered around the popped hood of a red Buick Super that Bucky was very excited to finally own.  
"If you boys aren't to busy, dinner's ready and there's a turkey to be carved." She said leaning against the doorframe. The trio looked at her and each had their own look of displeasure to leave behind such a beautiful car.  
" jeez sis, always know how to ruin a guy's fun." Raymond said ruffling his hair as he walked past her.  
"Oh stop that Raymond!" She whined at her brother in law who managed to survive the war. Steve and Bucky walked towards her still talking about the car.  
"I was thinking if I get white walls mounted instead it would give her that sleek look like Stark's car." Bucky stated  
"His flies, I don't think you can compete with that slickness." Steve replied as he nodded his head to Betty as he passed her. Bucky tried to follow Steve but Betty put her hand in his chest grabbing the fabric of his blue shirt that made his eyes pop.  
"Now you sir, owe your wife a proper kiss." She stated pulling him closer. He smirked biting his lip a bit as he took in the sight of his beautiful wife who even after eight years of marriage never failed to amaze him. He lightly cupped the sides of her face.  
"I think I owe her more than that." His voice rumbled claiming her lips with such passion that she knew her lip stain would be ruined. Betty let out a whimper as he pressed his body against hers. She covered his hands with her own gripping them tightly as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. She forced one of his hands to move from her cheek to her hip but Bucky pulled away knowing they would get carried away and they had guests waiting. He rested his forehead against hers.  
"I love you Betty." She smiled her cheeks still flushed when he would say things like that.  
"Love you too, Buck." She said kissing his cheek. She moved back to head for the kitchen and Bucky gave her a light pat on the ass before they walked through the kitchen and into the dining room side by side.  
"Alright, I believe there's a bird for me to carve somewhere." Bucky said clapping his hands together and rubbing them while taking in the sight of their family all gathered under one roof. "Hey Abs, Benny glad you could make it!" Bucky said walking behind his siblings. Betty took her seat and her younger son Theodore came rushing to sit on mommy's lap. She smiled kissing the top of his head before Bucky grabbed the carving knife.  
"So who's saying grace?" Raymond raised his hand and Bucky nodded to him.  
"Pray the Lord the Holy Ghost, whoever eats the fastest eats the most. Amen!" He said earning a smack from Betty's sister. A couple of chuckles escaped from those sitting around the table and Bucky held back his stupid grin.  
"Good enough for me." Bucky said gathering everyone's attention back to him. He glanced down at his wife and smiled realizing how lucky he was to have such a great family. " a big thank you though to my gorgeous wife for her hard work on this meal. To all the family gathered around, I couldn't be more blessed to have you in our lives." Bucky stated looking around the table. Betty looked around as well enjoying the fact that everyone was here happy and healthy. She squeezed her little Theo her heart swelling with the holiday spirit. Thankful was an understatement for how she felt about her family. Suddenly the dining room melted away and Mila felt empty. The happiness was merely a dream Wanda let her have. It was a good break after everything but the feeling of hollowness afterwards, well it made Mila kind of miss the dream where Bucky would stab her in the back. Now she felt as though more had been ripped from her. She could never have a life like that. Silent tears fell as Von Strucker approached her.  
"Still seeing the lover and that monster?" He asked holding a voice recorder in front of her.  
" yes. Only this time, it was like an out of body experience." Mila played up her lie but Von Strucker was not a Red Room trained interrogator like Mila, he wouldn't know because she lied so well. Out of the corner of her eye Mila could see Wanda's mouth tug into a small smile. Von Strucker nodded and then turned to interview Wanda whose face quickly became serious. Mila reflected back on her dream wanting to remember every detail of a life she could never have. She ingrained the image of her little house Bucky and her raised their sons in and every freckle on Theodore's face, the way her sister would smile at her husband who was still alive. The only benefit of the device in her skull gave her increased detailed memory and she could cherish the foolish little dream whenever she wanted.

Suddenly the castle seemed to rumble with the muffled noise of a blast. Mila quickly went into defensive mode. She fought against the restraints holding her to the chair hoping to use this distraction to run. Wanda was frightened it was clear on her face and if Mila hadn't seen it with her own eyes she would have never believed the silver flash that swooped into the room to stand at her side. It was Pietro. Well, at least Mila knew what his power was.  
"Damn." Von Strucker muttered rushing out. On the way out Mila heard him yell to someone "put her on ice and lock her in the basement." Mila's fight or flight kicked into high gear as she looked pleadingly to the twins who huddled together off to her side. It was clear they were only invested in each other when it came down to the wire. Whatever, Mila had been on her own in more than one situation. Thankfully Von Strucker kept her in a little better shape than Rumlow had and when the two unsuspecting guards came in to take Mila back to the Cryochamber she kicked one in the knee the force of her blow bringing him down with a cry of pain. This seemed to bring the twins back to the world coming down around them. The other guard pulled his gun out on Mila and made to shoot her but the gun was surrounded in a red mist and went flying across the room. Mila was confused to say the least but she still needed to get this other guard down in order to escape the Cryo freeze. Another rumble shook the building and dust knocked itself loose from the castle walls. Alarms began to go off and Von Strucker's voice came over an intercom.

"Everybody to your stations. This is not a drill. We are under attack." The guard hesitated, did he spring into action to defend the castle or put the woman who was tied up on ice. The nervous man before Mila looked up to the ceiling which gave her the perfect angle to- Suddenly he was down on the ground after a flash of silver breezed by Mila. She looked over at the twins and saw Pietro smirking, a smirk she had seen on a handsome man before.

"I don't think he saw that coming." Mila commented realizing that the twins were acting as her allies here. Mila tore off her other restraint and stood rubbing her sore wrists. These meager leather straps were nothing compared to the metal bands that Rumlow used which was the reason for the ugly scars encircling her wrists today. What was another scar for someone like her anyway? She looked up to the twins smiling.

"Thank you." She said analyzing the details of the two. She could see little things between the two that marked them as twins. However they were more thier own unique person rather than a clone of the other.

"You're welcome. It's the least we can do to make up for the tortures." Wanda spoke with her accent that Mila had to admit reminded her of getting used to Peggy talking. The corner of Mila's mouth tugged into a smile.

"It's a good start." She spoke with a small laugh holding her hand out to Wanda.

"Perhaps we can catch dinner later to finish?" Pietro commented trying to flirt in the middle of what could be deadly situation. Mila rolled her eyes and let out a huge breath.

"Oh my, you're a little too young for me." Mila said looking around the room for a way out that would keep her out of the path of Von Strucker. She glanced back down to the one guard still on the floor after Mila took out his knee. She grabbed the pistol from his side and stuffed it in the back of her pants.

"I'm 23!" He said offended holding his arms out.

"Yeah, my fiance is 98." Mila spoke walking past the twins to another door in the room. It didn't hit until she turned the handle that she just referred to Bucky as her fiance. She shook her head and walked out the door. She didn't think he was making the same introductions about her. Traitorous ex, psycho bitch, Nazi controlled scum, now those were things Bucky probably said about Mila. Of course who would he talk to? It took him a long time to open up to her and she had more in common with him than anyone from this century. He was probably keeping to himself staying hidden. Mila pushed those thoughts aside she had bigger issues right now. When the castle shook this time it knocked Mila off her balance and she fell into the wall.

"Umph." She let out as she felt the bruise already forming on her right shoulder. She pushed herself back upright and saw a small squad of what were dressed to be soldiers jogging up to her. "Shit." She said as they paused and began to yell at her in a foreign language. Her mind pieced together some of the words as an order to stand down. _Not a chance._ She thought pulling the gun out. The soldiers matched her actions but were too late to beat Mila's trigger finger. The two men in the front went down when Mila shot them in the shoulders. She knew how to make a non fatal blow. It came in handy when you had to ask questions later. The two men in the back of the formation had their guns pointed at Mila and fired but Mila dodged their shots continuing to move around the wide hall in swift motions that ensured their heavy handguns were not keeping up with her sudden moves. She knew from years of training that you had to train your muscles to stay locked and focused as your target moved. You had to anticipate their movement and Mila was always great at keeping men on their toes. Mila grew closer to the men as they were wasting ammunition on her. When they were out of bullets Mila was standing in front of them with their barrels on either side of her face. It didn't scare her at all. She knew they had nothing left to fire, she was counting as they tried to hit her. The men tried to use their firearms as clubs against Mila but she dodge their attacks sideswiping one off his feet and the other tackled Mila to the ground while the other man got up. The same red mist from earlier surrounded both men as they fell to their knees clutching the sides of their heads in pain. Mila saw the twins again and let out a sigh of annoyance.

"I had it handled." She said to Wanda upset that she was being delayed in her escape. Did the twins change their mind? Were they no longer helping her? She was a super soldier but she didn't think she stood a chance against the Maximoffs should they try to overpower her.

"Is that why you were pinned down?" Wanda said with a smile. Mila rolled her eyes and listened as she heard more men trying to run about to get to their stations as the castle was attacked.

"How do I get out?" Pietro looked cautiously at his sister who only nodded in return. They had a whole conversation in less than ten seconds.

"Take the tunnels out. Third door on the right." Pietro said walking up behind her with Wanda in tow. She nodded a thanks and followed the man's advice. A quick breeze blew past her and she knew it was Pietro taking Wanda somewhere safe. Mila knew she was safer out in the wilderness fighting whatever was attacking the castle. At least that way she escaped cryofreeze. As she made her way down the hall she would pause and press herself against the cold walls as voices became louder. Every group of soldiers would keep marching right through the halls in front of Mila not bothering to look down her direction . Finally after making it down to nearly the end of the hall she saw it.

The door was an old creaky wooden thing and it looked like it could fall off the hinges at any minute. She pushed it open feeling the draft blow in. It was freaking cold wherever she was but she could survive a Sokovian winter, she survived plenty of Russian Winters. The tunnels were dark and the walls slowly faded from smooth stone to rough wet rock that nearly cut her. She pulled her hand back to avoid injury but gunfire and explosions echoed in the tunnel making her want to get out even quicker if only to runaway from all the noise. As she stared ahead, or what she assumed was ahead, she could see the tiniest white dot which offered her so much hope. Her small smile was quickly removed as she tripped over something in the tunnel. Her hands shot out to stop her fall but they were met by something solid that wasn't the ground. She looked down letting her eyes focus and saw that it was a railroad tie that she tripped over. She was in a train tunnel. She knew better than to be afraid of a train coming. She picked herself back up and picked up her pace getting out of the tunnel. The snow outside nipped at her face while her eyes adjusted to the sudden change in light. She fluttered her eyes a bit and everything that she heard in the tunnel sounded louder out here where everything bounced off the soft snow on the ground. Mila took a moment to figure out where exactly the noises were coming from as she wanted to get as far from them as possible. Just as she was about to take a step to run a breeze blew up behind her from the tunnel and she looked behind her but there was nothing there. She felt someone tapping her shoulder and turned ready to fight. She let out a deep breath when he saw it was Pietro cradling his sister.

"Did I scare you?" Pietro asked setting his sister down.

"What the hell is going on?" Mila asked still assessing the woods for a hidden threat. The noise of gunfire had died down immensely but every once in awhile a stray gun shot could still be heard. She grabbed the pistol from her waistband and clicked the safety off.

"The Avengers attacked the castle. They took Strucker into custody. We escaped and we have a plan." Mila tightened her hold on the pistol unsure if she could trust a plan created by two young adults who hardly understood the world around the. She knew that's how they were because she was 23 when she first joined the army. The world was headed for a War and she was blindsided by a civic duty to do something. She didn't know what but she was glad she was clueless to the workings of the world, it let her meet the most amazing people she had ever known. Looking at the twins were driven to act upon something else rather than civic duty she could tell that much. "What is this plan?" She asked worried.

"We are going to make Tony Stark pay for what he has done." Wanda said full of malice. Mila was right, they were fueled by revenge. A personal vendetta.

"What has he done exactly?" Mila asked remembering Wanda mentioning something about his weapons but not catching the full story. Before Pietro could open his mouth they heard sirens in the distance. Not a good sign for anyone in the group.

"Tell me this plan later. We need a safe place first." Mila commented nodding out towards the noise. Pietro nodded and grabbed Wanda again and was gone in a flash. Mila's shoulders slumped. She didn't know what she expected to happen. She sighed and followed his trail in the snow grumbling the entire time. "Speedy boy thinks he's so smart. Asshole left me behind. Can't just walk like a normal human being. Jackass." Then she heard him half a second before she saw his silver blur come towards her.

"That was not very nice." He said holding his arms out motioning that he would carry her somewhere. She eyed him suspiciously, she didn't trust a man to touch her.

"It's been a long time since a guy's tried to sweep me off my feet." Mila said trying to stall him to asses his movements for any sign he may hurt her. Pietro shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe it's because you chase after old men." Mila let out a huff of a laugh and put her arm around his shoulder. She could humor someone who tried to make her laugh.

"You know I'm like 96 right?" She quipped before Pietro swung his arm around her knees and carrying her bridal style as he took off. The noise made Mila think her head was going to explode and she had not felt motion sick like this in years. When she thought she would throw up everything stopped suddenly and she was disoriented. She clung to the shirt on Pietro like a life support as her vision tried to stop swimming. She buried her face against his chest only because the lightheadedness would not go away.

"So sorry, should I get you a walker?" Pietro commented chuckling a bit at his own jab towards Mila's age. She groaned in response and slowly released her grip on his shirt and moved her head up to look at Pietro.

"Still a jackass." She commented. She slowly climbed out of his hold and looked around the new surroundings. It was some dingy little living room. It looked like it hadn't seen care in years. The couch in the corner had a spring sticking out of it and the tv was older, she could tell because it had two bunny eared antennas on top. She knew nothing like that was being made today. It looked like the whole room was a product of the seventies. A time she was only out of cryofreeze to ensure Bucky pulled off his political assassinatins. If he didn't, if was up to the Red Sentinel. Even more of a ghost than the Winter Soldier. She looked at the little lamp sitting on a worn down side table and saw how the shade looked like the victim of a cat playing with it. It short, it was a place someone like her was used to. Low profile and safe. "So where am I?" She looked back to Pietro who was already gone. Mila pursed her lips together upset that she didn't hear him sneak off. Perhaps he was a better assassin than she had been. Silence and stealth were key.

"Having a senile moment?" Pietro asked as he appeared behind her twisting the lid off a glass bottle. Mila turned around quickly jumping only slightly.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She asked glaring at him.

" just trying to test your age. How are you 96?" He said offering her another bottle. Mila was just flabbergasted at his casualness. It was as if they were meeting at bar not in the middle of a failing state with the looming threat of someone coming after them in the air. Pietro continued to hold the bottle out to her and she took it only to make him stop with the kind offer.

" I am a leathal assassin who was kept in cryofreeze on and off for seventy years. I am a weapon and my head is worth more than some countries so tell me where am I and what is this damn plan?" Mila said getting more irritated that she was being kept in some unknown location again. At least with Hydra and the KGB she knew where the base was. Here, she knew nothing.

" you worry too much. We are in an old apartment. Ours became compromised after we volunteered for experimentation. You are safe here. No one will come for that pretty little head of yours." Mila felt a betraying blush come over her cheeks at his words. Why in world was he being so sweet on her?

"Stop flirting with me! This is serious business. You two may not have been in the game long but it takes months of planning in order to take anyone down, let alone a superhero group like the Avengers! Which by the way I will be no part of. I refuse to hurt my friends." Pietro scoffed at her demands and accusations. She was acting as though neither him nor his sister had seen firsthand the destruction wars can cause. How they had to grow up much faster because of where they lived. If you could call it living . Most days it was like survival.

"You are friends with the Iron Man?" Pietro commented. Mila noticed how much her answer would set him off. She could tell by the straighting of his posture that the man was a trigger. It wasn't a lie to disown Stark as a friend. He was merely someone she owed a debt to.

" No, but Captain America and The Black Widow were my friends."

"Were?" Pietro questioned. " Is that why you were stuck in the castle like a damsel for so long? They didn't come to your rescue." Mila shook her head and saw exactly what he was trying to do. She threw the bottle against the wall watching it shatter like the last bit of her sanity. Be it cabin fever (prisoner fever maybe?) or how naive this boy was she didn't know what pushed her. The liquid ran down the walls staining it.

"You have no idea what I've been through! What I have had to given up because of what they took from me! I lost everything to Hydra and I will never get to have a sliver of a normal life ever again! Do not take away the image of my friends. I gave them up to protect them." Mila didn't even realize she was so upset that tears had fallen down her face. Pietro put his bottle down on the one table in the room and walked over to the window. Mila followed him with her eyes only.

"That empty lot over there, with the ruble. That was where my sister and I lived as children. Our family was eating dinner and a bomb from Stark Industries obliterated every shred of normal my sister and I knew. Our parents were dead. We were buried in the rubble but his missile was all my sister and I could see. We waited as people tried to dig us out. We were afraid the bomb would go off. We survived but Stark has to pay for what he took from us. You understand that because that's how you feel about Hydra." Pietro looked back to the upset woman in the room and saw she was avoiding his gaze. He knew he was right. Mila chewed on her lip in thought. How could she get her way out of this? She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. That was how she got revenge on Hydra. Once she was free she wanted to live away from hurting anyone. She could understand where Pietro was coming from but that didn't mean she needed to help him hurt Stark and the rest of her friends.

"I get revenge by not harming others." She spoke quietly.

"Is that why you shot the guards in the castle?" Mila shot him a dirty look and seriously considered shoving his ass out the window, no one would know.

"Pietro leave her be! She is not a prisoner, she can do what she wants. If she wants to go let her." Wanda's voice came from a hallway leading to who knows where. Pietro rolled his eyes and crossed his arms throwing a fit.

"We did help save her she could at least help you out a little."

"Here's my help; drop your vendetta and don't engage them in a fight." She said walking past Wanda trying to get out of there and attempt to start over.

 **An: thankful for all of you who read my story. Until next time.**


	29. A Miracle

**AN: Thank you for your follows and favorites. I love seeing the count go up. Also thank you abstract for your reviews. Let's try and get these guys some happiness because we know they deserve it.**

* * *

 _Crashing, hit a wall  
Right now I need a miracle  
Hurry up now, I need a miracle  
Stranded, reaching out  
I call your name but you're not around  
I say your name but you're not around_

* * *

It shouldn't have come as a surprise when Mila read the headlines the next day from behind a glass door. The little 50 cent newsstand on the corner covered the damage that the Avengers inflicted upon the city when they were raiding the castle nearly two miles from the center of the city. In the image she saw a picture of what looked like Tony's Iron Man suit surrounded by citizens of Sokovia but she couldn't be certain. Tony's suit was red and the one in the image looked almost grey. From the small bit of paper she could read she couldn't tell if Steve or Natasha had been involved. She figured, maybe now that she was alone and she knew there were two young enhanced adult trying to kill them (or at least Tony) that she should try and contact them. But what good would that do? How would she even get through to contact them? If she tried, it would send her location to any intercepting Hydra agents or KGB agents. She would have to face the media as a former assassin now fighting with the good guys. That would do wonders for the Avengers she was sure. Mila ran a hand through her hair that hadn't been washed in days and still had dust from her time in the castle floating in it. Her clothes were too baggy for her frame and she looked as though sleep had avoided her for months. She was sure if she was in a country that wasn't engaged in a such a terrible state as Sokovia that perhaps she would stand out. However she matched the disheartened look that seemed ingrained in the people of this city. They had seen too much in their short lives much like Mila.

Walking down the street she gave her hair a make shift comb through with her fingers hoping that she could maneuver the tangled curls to hide more of her face. She didn't know if any of Strucker's men escaped the Avengers siege or not but she wasn't taking chances. As she continued walking down the cracked sidewalk the crowd moved around her and she kept her eyes peeled for opportunities to pick out supplies she would need. There was a small apartment complex up ahead with clothes air drying on the line outside and Mila wondered how much someone would miss their jacket and button up shirt.

After walking around the city for nearly three hours she had picked up enough odds and ends from around the city to make it along her way. She had two changes of clothes and a small over the shoulder bag that was left on a side street. Inside it held one ratty blanket and the small amount of change she picked up off the ground and today's paper. Finally she could catch up on the news, she would also wash the clothes she found and blanket if she could find a laundromat somewhere around. Did they even have those in Sokovia? All Mila really needed at this point was a bath for herself and some food. When she found a laundromat she used a good chunk of her change to get her load started and buy some soap. She sat on the bench and pulled out the paper seeing that yes, Steve and Natasha both were involved in the castle siege yesterday. Mila rolled her eyes of course they were. She couldn't imagine Steve staying hands off in matters that involved Hydra. Natasha was trying to clear her name so she could see her helping out the Avengers. The paper explained that Strucker had been taken into a nearby facility for further questioning and then went on to explain some of the findings in the castle. Mila was amused at the small insignificant things the paper made note of in the castle and how nothing was mentioned about lab equipment or any trace of Mila being there. Mila set the paper down as she heard her machine ding that it had finished getting the stolen clothes clean and she moved them around. Just as she closed the door she felt someone standing behind her. Mila quickly spun around ready to hit a whoever was behind her but her fist was quickly held away from harm by a man she didn't expect to see.

"Is that anyway to greet an old friend?"

"Sam?!" She said not believing that her friend from the VA was here in Sokovia in a laundry mat. The dark skinned man chuckled and let her hand go. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck forgetting that she probably smelled like body odor and limestone. "What are you doing here?" She asked before she retreated her arms back to her sides as if given an order to stand at attention. Seeing friends wasn't a good thing in her line of work. "You're going to take me in somewhere aren't you?" She said prepared to run.

"No." He said flatly. "I just figured, since the whole world knows the truth, you might need a friend to talk to." Mila broke. The world had been whispering about her since the files leaked and she was no doubt labeled a monster. She lost Bucky after making so much progress with him. They were so close to getting a happily ever after. Then Rumlow happened and her body gained even more scars. Now Strucker and the twins… yeah she needed someone to talk to. Her lip trembled with all the emotions she had been carrying. She didn't realize how much everything had affected her and a small part of her longed to return to the time when the device was activated and she felt no emotions.

"I don't know where to start Sam." She said slumping her shoulders and looking for a place to sit down. Already she felt her heart beating against her chest in a way that it did when in danger. Her lungs felt like they were collapsing as they tried to suck up every ounce of oxygen nearby. She couldn't ground herself from this attack but Sam was quick to scoop her into his arms and pull her into the public unisex restroom. At least she could freak out without everyone's gaze on her. He put the lid down and let her sit down. There was a slight shake to her demeanour which was nothing Sam hadn't dealt with before. The problem here was she was more deadly than most of the veterans he normally dealt with. Sam locked the door and kneeled in front of her.

"Ok first, are you hurt?" Sam asked looking over her for any damage. From what he could see she was fine physically, a couple scrapes here and there but she'd survive. The mental damage, the stuff no one could see, that was surely extensive. Sam was very good with that though.

"No…" She took a deep breath but it did little to make her feel any better. There was still a weight crushing her chest squeezing out all her air. "I lost him." Mila said staring at the broken tiles that lined the bathroom floor.

"Lost who?"

"Buck. He was getting better and then Rumlow turned him against me and he left me. He really must hate me to have left me to deal with Rumlow." Mila began to frantically look around the small restroom as through at some point the walls might collapse to show Rumlow on the other side.

"The Winter Soldier? So he's alive?" Sam said with lingering hope attached to his tone.

"I don't know. He left me after he learned who I really was. I didn't choose that life! They made me hunt him down! I would never hurt Bucky." She began crying and nothing about it was poetic. It was ugly bawling because she didn't know if Bucky was alive hating her or if he died hating her. She could never find him again to make up for not telling him her true identity. She felt strong arms around her and it didn't help. She already felt like her body was closing in on itself so the embrace meant to help only made matters worse. She pushed Sam away and pushed herself off the wall and paced around the room. She couldn't be still. Her fingers were drumming against her leg before she started scratching the inside of her palms with her nails. Sam stood by trying to asses how to calm her down. When an idea struck him she unexpectedly lashed out at the mirror to her left. The shards sprinkled on the floor and Mila pulled back a bloodied fist still clenched shut.

"Shit." Sam muttered.

"It's all my fault!" She spoke. She was on the move again pacing and leaving a blood trail back and forth along the broken tiles. Sam took off one of his shirts and ran it under the faucet. He stood in front of Mila's path and saw a wave of emotions swimming in her eyes.

"I couldn't even defend myself. Rumlow left me helpless both times." Sam slowly grabbed her hand and placed the wet shirt over it to clean it. He would check for glass later.

"What do you mean both times?" Sam inquired.

"I couldn't tell Bucky that Rumlow was lying to him and when Rumlow took me in, he… he injected some micro bullshit in me and he-" the words caught in her mouth and her tongue felt like lead. She couldn't speak the words aloud. She remembered how hard it was to accept what had happened to her the first time when the device in her brain left her compliant. But this time she could have fought back harder. She could have hurt Rumlow. Yet, she still ended up being a victim.

"Mila, what did he do?" Sam asked. Mila slowly met his dark eyes and that was all the confirmation that he needed. "Look, we need to get you out of this country. It's not safe. You need help. I won't take you if you don't want to go, but it's the smart option." Mila's eyes snapped up with fear. Where would he take her? She slowly began shaking her head and backing away.

"Sam, you know what I am. The world does. I won't be safe wherever I go. I am a criminal. People good and bad will come for me." Sam smiled.

"No, you'll have the best protection around." Mila wasn't convinced. "I think Captain America would make a great body guard." Sam offered hoping his words would help convince her to come with him not knowing that it would have the opposite effect.

"No." She said quickly. "I can't see Steve. Not like this. He wouldn't understand. He's going to want to make everything better and snap back to the way we were in the War and… he won't understand."

"What about for Natasha's sake?" Sam said remembering how The Black Widow trained under the woman in front of him. Surely Natasha understood better than Steve what she went through. They were both products from the same place. Mila seemed to get a grip when Sam mentioned her little red ballerina.

"I want to talk to her first. I don't want to see Steve until I can see Natasha first." Mila bargained. Sam nodded slowly trying not to let his dorky smile shine through that he was getting somewhere on the hunt for Bucky.

"Alright. Natasha first. Let's go get your laundry and then we got a private jet to catch." Mila stood still her heart now beating not for anxiety but because she was happy to finally just accept help. Mila knew no one man (or woman) could hold the weight of the world on their shoulders. How many times had she told Bucky that when he would sulk off after attacking a Hydra base? It was foolish of herself not to follow her own advice. As the pair found their way out of the bathroom Mila suggested they forget about the clothes, they were stolen after all, and they got in a small rental car out on the block neither one noticed the twins sitting at the street corner drinking coffee.

"I told you we should have forced her to stay." Pietro said sipping his coffee. Wanda shook her head. She may have been the younger twin but she had to put her foot down against her brother who wanted to chase after Mila and force her to stay with them in their apartment.

" I told you no!"

" what if that man works for the avengers and is taking her to them?" Wanda sighed.

"Pietro we can't make her a prisoner. She has been one her entire life. You forget I saw her past. She wouldn't risk being captured by Hydra to try and out us or fight us. Our plan is still good." Wanda relaxed in her chair and her brother shook his head.

"If she shoots one of us, it's your fault." He said settling the argument and placing any potential blame on her.

"You're just upset because she wasn't attracted to you." Wanda fired back knowing how her brother has always behaved around women.

"That is only a small part of my mood. She's too old for me anyway." Pietro said as a matter of fact. Wanda only rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance. Her brother was quite the handful most days, the enhancements only made him a bigger pain most days.

…

"So what've you been up to since the Helicarriers? I mean I tried calling after things calmed down but I assume you got rid of your phone." Sam said driving down the road headed to the place where Stark left him a jet. It was only because the Avengers were recently in Sokovia that Stark was able to get a jet there so fast. The original plan was to have Sam come home to celebrate the Avengers good work but Sam didn't think he would mind an extra passenger. Hell, if it hadn't been for the fact that Sam was so desperate to find a good cup of coffee he would have never seen Mila in the laundromat. Mila looked emotionless as she stared out the window as the city buildings began to get further apart.

"Just keepin busy." She muttered attempting to find her humor that Sam had known her for. Her lack of tone however kept Sam from realizing it was a jest at her life since she left D.C. almost a year ago. Her face scrunched up in thought, had it really been that long? She hadn't been in her apartment, her one home since the war, in too long. She began to think about that little apartment and the lavender bed sheets. She would often thrash around in because even in a safe place like her home the nightmares of her life caught up to her. The small living room was just cozy enough to make her feel like she wasn't completely alone in the world, very few pictures of the past adorned the mantle to a fake fireplace but it was her home. Something she had wanted so badly so long ago.

"We don't have to talk about it. I can turn on the radio if you'd rather-"

"I left the Smithsonian to go on a job in Frankfurt. I met Bucky on a plane." She said remembering how happy and terrified she was at the same time to see Bucky alive.

"Uh, doesn't that man have metal arm? How the hell did TSA not tackle him before he got on board?" Sam asked in disbelief gripping his steering wheel a little tighter thinking about the metal arm on the Winter Soldier. Mila let out a huff of a laugh at his observation.

"Hydra did some upgrading to us when metal detectors became a thing. Bucky and I both have technology that can trick a metal detector to clear us."

"I don't remember you having metal limbs...oh wait… the head thing." Sam said remembering what he read in the journal Mila kept under her bed.

"Yeah, the head thing." Mila said with a roll of her eyes at his casualness.

" So when I asked if you served, it definitely wasn't in Iraq." Mila laughed letting her smile reach her eyes as she answered. She recalled that that was one of the first things he asked when she came to the VA at Natasha's suggestion. Mila brushed the question off then because she didn't want to explain to a stranger how she served in the European theater during WWII.

"No. Try Italy 1943." She looked over at Sam feeling just slightly more at ease.

"I gotta say, you're the hottest WWII vet I've ever seen." Sam smirked. Mila bit her lip and lightly hit him.

"Sam you shoulda been smooth like that to Kalisa. Did that ever go anywhere?" Mila said recalling a curly haired girl who worked at the front desk of the VA.

"No, I got wrapped up in a bigger world and I don't really have time for the dating thing." Mila pursed her lips bobbing her head slightly upset that Sam didn't man up to ask her out. She always thought the pair of them would be cute. She noticed their chemistry shortly after she was hired. Of course her interrogation skills and with a forte for observation courtesy of the Red Room made her more apt to notice those things.

"That's a shame."

"No a shame is getting fooled into a Russian compound and spending your life being held hostage in your own mind." Sam gave her a pointed look suggesting that he would not avoid the topic of her life. Mila let out a frustrated sigh and tapped her finger against her pant leg.

"Man, you don't bullshit around much do you?" She said seeing a jet parked in an open field. It was unmarked and black. She could only assume it was theirs.

"You know me, I've never been much of a beat around the bush kinda guy." Sam said parking the car and unbuckling his seatbelt. "It's about an eleven hour flight so we'll have plenty to talk about." Mila slowly got out of the car and lingered at the open door looking at the jet. It sunk in a little more that she was returning to the States and seeing people she left behind. Hell, Rebecca's condition hadn't even crossed her mind in the time since she left. She looked down at the grass peeking out through the grass clearly winning with the approach of spring. A chance at rebirth.

"I'm being honest, if you want to stay it is your choice." Sam said walking over to her leaning against the front of the car. Mila considered it for a moment. She could try and find Bucky. See if he was still alive or not. She hoped he was. But there was so much more waiting for her in the States and she had so much to catch up on, help being offered to her. She didn't have to keep secrets anymore because they were all leaked. She still hated the thought of leaving Bucky behind in a foreign country. Her heart was battling her mind.

"I… I need help." She settled. She couldn't dream of helping Bucky when she was still trying to sort through the trauma him leaving her had done. She looked pleadingly up to Sam and he seemed solomon but his eyes were lit up with the excitement of having a friend back.

"Then let's get it." Sam said stepping closer to usher her to the jet.

…

Bucky's blue eyes darted across the headlines he was delivering and his brain was anywhere but the paper route he was running. His feet took him from one house to another and yet he was debating, did he need to leave? Were the Avengers too close? It said that they left shortly after the siege of the castle which revealed a Hydra base. Bucky definitely couldn't go back to try and find information since the government was probably taking claim over the castle. He briefly wondered if that was the place those Hydra vehicles were taking Mila-The Red Sentinel that day when he left her. He took another paper out of his bag and dropped it on a doorstep trying not to think of the damn liar he left behind. She didn't deserve his concern. She lied to him about her identity using his own scrambled mind against him. Rumlow's men never intended to hurt her because she was working for them. Rumlow was trying to get the Winter Soldier by using the Sentinel, he was simply returning her back to Hydra. Bucky couldn't believe how stupid he had been to trust her. It was her face, the face of a woman he once loved. Her deep brown eyes and perfectly pouted rose lips that made him want to be a better man. Her soft skin and loving touch made him feel alive. The sweet sound of her voice filled him with such hope. Yeah, it was easy to fall under her spell. He hated that most, how perfect he thought everything was going and how he began to believe he could be happy. Another paper on a doorstep and he was nearly done. One step closer to an honest pay for honest work. What honest life could a pair of targeted assassins even have? They were more dangerous together anyway. Even if Bucky knew how to remove the device from her head and get his girl back-NO! STOP! He couldn't think like that. She was a traitor to him and loyal to her abusers. He had tried before to rescue her and convince her to go with him and that ended with him strapped back to the chair and getting wiped. How would it end any differently if he tried to rescue her again? Besides if the papers were any indication of her location she was probably property of the government or in the Avenger's custody. Probably getting experimented on as they tried to figure out how the device in her head worked. Bucky stopped mid stride remembering how painful all the experimentation on him had been. He remembered being cut and prodded like an object. He could recall his screams for mercy at their tortures. And because Bucky let her go frozen in the back of that truck she was probably undergoing the same tortures. Well, she deserved it. He tried to convince himself of that fact. She had been the reason he spent years under Hydra and KGB control. She kept bringing him back to the monsters. But did anyone deserve the tortures he endured? No not even the Red Sentinel deserved that. He shook his head. No they probably tried to take the device out and it would kill her, quick and painless. He could handle that thought a little better regardless of how the Sentinel wronged him for nearly seventy years. Then again he still wished he could be the one to cut the wrong wire on the device and put an end to looking over his shoulder. He started walking his route again and dropped another paper on a step. A little girl was waiting outside on the porch of his next house backpack strapped to her and impatiently rolling back and forth on her heels. She smiled as the paperman came to the door. Bucky though it was odd she was out at such an early hour. She still beamed a huge smile up at him. She was missing a tooth and had a big pink scrunchie in her hair. Bucky couldn't help but smile back at her even if he was a murderer who she should be running the opposite direction from.

"спасибо бумаги человек" (thank you paper man) She said as Bucky handed her the bundle of news.

"Пожалуйста" (you're welcome) He said still not believing that a little innocent girl could look at him and not see all the blood dripping from his ledger. See all the violence and destruction he had caused. He had killed girls younger than her for Hydra and yet she still radiated warmth at the stranger who had been delivering a paper to her house for two weeks. As he moved on to the last couple of houses he realized how much he was like the little girl. He saw a friendly face when he looked at the Sentinel not realizing all the damage she caused. Bucky was just as foolish as a little girl. He laughed to himself at the analogy **.**

* * *

 **AN: yay some happiness for everyone…. But pietro. Let me know what you think in a review**


	30. Revival

**_AN: WOW! 30 chapters? Thank you to everyone who reads and supports my story. I never thought I would get a story with this much content, but your support is what keeps me motivated. So thank you. Please be sure to review._**

 _"I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions."- Victoria Wood_

"What do you mean she doesn't want to see me?" Steve said yelling at Sam from his room. He just got the message that Betty, or Mila, (whichever name she went by now, Steve didn't know) was in the tower somewhere talking ot Natasha and actively avoiding Steve. He didn't know why she would. He thought surely she would be happy to see a familiar face, but maybe that was the problem. Sam looked genuinely sorry for his friend who only wanted to get a piece of the old Steve back by seeing an old friend.

"Hey look man, she needs to cool off and clear some air, I don't think you would understand half the things she went through that's why her and Natasha are talking."

"I don't understand why she would think I couldn't be there to listen for her."

"Rumlow got ahold of her and your friend both, she said the guy escaped but Rumlow kept Mila and I don't think it was to have a tea party if you catch my drift." Sam said raising a brow and crossing his arms. Steve stiffened at the suggestion. Rumlow had hurt his friend in what he could only imagine was a cruel way. He also captured both of them but let Bucky go. Why would he do that? Or did he think it wouldn't matter if he could reprogram Mila to hunt Bucky down like she had been for decades? What a sick bastard that guy was.

"Look, we're going after him next. I want to personally make sure he pays for what he did to Mila." Sam nodded and walked to the other side of the room to grab a drink from the mini fridge. Piloting the jet from Sokovia to the Tower had left him thirsty, especially after spending most of that eleven hours talking to Mila. He couldn't believe how much she opened up to him in that time. He had only heard about the trauma she endeared not the special moments between her and Bucky, not the connection to the past they made nor the fighting in the Hydra bases that brought them together on a physical level with how in sync they fought. No she focused on what she knew Sam was good at, the aftershocks of a terrible event. It had pained him listening to her and now seeing how hurt Steve was that she didn't want to open up to him, well he didn't feel sorry. He hated that he had to know some of the details of what was done to her but he knew she felt better telling someone else.

"I agree with you on that one." He grabbed a beer out of the mini fridge and tossed one to Steve who nearly missed because he was too focused on wanting to mess up Rumlow for what he did. Sam took a bottle for himself and twisted the cap off.

"I don't want to rush her, but when do you think she'll be done talking to Nat?" Steve asked hoping his newest friends would tell him maybe a couple of hours.

"I don't think you'll see her until the party." Sam said walking out and leaving Steve to be alone while one of his old friends was walking around the tower Lord only knew where.

"And then Sam showed up and now I'm here." Mila said letting Natasha braid her hair for the eighth time. It was freshly washed but something about the way Natasha moved her fingers through pulling ever so slightly as she worked, helped Mila calm down immensely. She almost a few times thought it was her younger sister Eva playing with her hair like when they were little girls. Natasha hummed thoughtfully at Mila's end. With Natasha Mila left out no detail, well maybe a couple of nights, but she made sure her Little Red Ballerina knew what the master had gone through.

"If you don't mind me being selfish for a second, you gained the trust of the Maximoffs and they want to kill Tony?" Natasha question briefly focusing on a future threat.

"Yeah, but honestly they are so jovial and naïve I doubt a plan of theirs will end with much success unless they have an outsider helping." Mila said turning around to face the woman who had helped free her so many years ago.

"I'll take your word for it, you would be the expert." She said with a knowing smile.

"On what?" She asked raising a brow.

"Strategy. I found out you used to make up all the battle plans for the Howling Commandos while you were out. I also found out more about your WWII life, so whatever hatred your harnessing against yourself you need to know this; You are so very strong for everything you have encountered in your life and how you've been dealing so well over the years. They can't take away the good that you have done. Me, I never had a chance to do good until I joined the Avengers. KGB took us when we were just little girls so…"

"Yeah but betraying Bucky and having Rumlow's hands all over me are not a feeling that will go away soon. It was different before when I had that device programming my every move and choice, it was a little easier to accept but now… I- Natasha I hurt him and I am hurting. What do I do?" She said flopping back on the bed as if it was teenage drama and their first broken heart, not ultimate betrayal and life or death and assault. What's more is they were clicking as though they weren't master assassins and the one with all the problems wasn't a ninety some years old who had been the most deadly assassin in the world at one point.

Don't ask me." She said with a light laugh. "I mean, I've never dealt with anything like you have. My relationships are non-existent...though…" she trailed off before catching herself. "Anyway if we are really going to fix you… I think first we need to address something I'm sure you never wanted anyone to know but it's been hurting you a lot. Your nephew." Natasha said blankly. Mila groaned and turned on her side hoping the physical show of her not wanting to face that sin would give Natasha a hint. Either it didn't send the right message or she was ignoring it because she prodded Mila in the back making her tense up. "You know me, I'm stubborn. I'm not backing down. If I can calm the Hulk down, I can deal with you."

"Don't know where you learned that stubbornness from." Mila mumbled hoping to avoid the conversation. Natasha let out a huff of an amused laugh and looked at the woman who taught her almost everything she knew about being a spy and an assassin. Both women were stubborn and clever. Both could be violent and destroy. However, both knew how to read the other one and how to help. So it would be a long night for the two of them but they were strong and Natasha had a lot of caffeine and alcohol in her mini-fridge.

…

It had only taken a couple of hours of talking to Natasha to convince Mila to go with her gut. Said gut had to make a pit stop to the kitchen to feed not only herself but make two snacks for the rest of the trip to a lab where she was assured her target would be. It didn't take her too many trips down the wrong halls before she found the two men working in the lab. It was easy to tell which was Tony, he hadn't changed in the five years since she last saw him before being discharged from his private suite in Malibu. She knocked on the glass door and walked in once she saw that she was being ignored.

"Brought dinner." She said setting the plates on a nearby table. Tony was looking intently at the paper he was holding and walked right by her grabbing some of the fruit off the plate and plucking it in his mouth.

"Thank Pepper." He said making Mila shift uncomfortably on her feet. The other man in the lab looked up surprised when he saw Mila.

"Tony…" He trailed off making his friend stop eating to look at the guest. Tony seemed so at ease with the woman being there.

"Hey, long time no see Black Mamba. Need another crack at your skull?" Tony said moving around the lab.

"What?" She asked

"Never seen Kill Bill? Anyway I'm assuming you didn't come down for delivery. What do you need? Bruce and I are on a time sensitive task here." He said pointing to the other man in the room. He gave a small wave before turning around to face a screen and plug in some data.

"Well, I was hoping you could look at the device in my head and turn on just one part of its programming."

"Which part is that?" Tony asked.

"The part that can help me hone in on the Winter Soldier's location." Tony stopped and looked at the woman.

"Cap put you up to this?"

"no, he's my responsibility. I'm the only one who can help him. I have to find him." Mila pleaded. Tony put the paper down and looked back to Bruce who shrugged.

"It'll be about two hours before JARVIS runs all the numbers on this new schematic." Bruce said. Tony mulled the fact over.

"JARVIS do we have the blueprints from the-"

"Already pulling them sir." Tony smirked at the initiative of his AI and turned on his heel to face Mila.

"I can look it over real quick and Helen can prep the surgery we can have it knocked out in three hours. Gives me a break, I've been tired of looking at this data." Tony said dialing Helen's number and quickly informing her of what he wanted to do. Mila tried to contain her eagerness but then again this did mean that she had to get back on the operating table. A small price to pay to see Bucky again if she ever got out of this tower.

…

Steve fidgeted nervously in his room getting ready for the party. He still hadn't actually seen Mila but Natasha promised she would make a brief appearance. She couldn't risk being out for too long in case anyone noticed her from the Hydra files that were leaked but she would show up after everybody had some alcohol in them. Steve hated the fact that she wanted to meet him in public. What happened if she had a break down? Wouldn't that draw more attention? Maybe Nat had been preparing her , after all they had been alone for nearly two whole days talking. Sam would sometimes fill in for Natasha if she was needed for something else or needed a break. Sam usually only talked the war with Mila as Steve had learned. Sam kept him updated as he could and Steve seemed to be relieved that she was making some progress. She was accepting that somethings weren't her fault. She still hated herself for losing Bucky and Steve could understand that, he felt the same way. However as he would make his way around the tower for things he could tell that he was being avoided. Occasionally Steve would catch a glimpse of Mila and Natasha sneaking out to the kitchen or out of the gym where a punching bag would be leaking sand onto the gym floor. Steve noticed Natasha was doing her best to avoid Steve's schedule of being places and while Steve knew it was for Mila's greater good, it didn't hurt any less to see the blur of an old friend walking hurriedly away from him. With a sigh he finished buttoning up his shirt and rolling up the sleeves. He had new friends and family waiting for him at the party and he didn't want to leave them upset because he was in a hurt mood.

A few hours into the party Steve had been talking to Sam about more updates with their search for Bucky and how he needed to get an apartment in Brooklyn but he wondered where that was coming from. He couldn't remember telling Sam he was from Brooklyn, then again when you had a museum exhibit bragging about your life it was hard to keep much of your life a secret.

"Maybe you can't afford it on your own, but Mila may help out." Steve scoffed at the idea.

"She's been avoiding me the past two days and now you want us to be roomies?" Steve said taking a drink from his beer.

"Well, maybe we can get you two to that point. First step is talking which," He nodded over Steve's shoulder. "You two can start doing right now." Steve turned around and saw that indeed his old friend Betty was standing at the foot of the stairs and looking nothing like the lady he remembered from the War. Her hair was much longer and pulled back in a lose pony tail and wearing a white blazer that covered her form fitting golden dress. Steve knew right away it was something Tony probably got for her, Natasha's style didn't normally scream flashly. She looked uncomfortable in the social setting be it all the people or because there was no avoiding Steve it was uncertain. Steve made his way down to her and was unsure how exactly to start this.

"Hey." She spoke softly looking at his suddenly very interesting shoes. From this close he could see the make-up she applied and the red lip stain. Well, at least she still applied that like she did in the forties.

"Hey." Steve said back. It was painful for him not to just open up and ask her the huge list of questions he had both about her life and what happened to Bucky. He figured neither would be a good topic for a party but before he could come up with a better topic she spoke up.

"I'm sorry for hiding from you the last five, almost six, years but I need you to know it's because I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of the monster they made me into and losing the person we were closest to. Looking and hearing about you only made my guilt worse. That's why I've been avoiding you." She finally looked up at him and the way her eyes had lost that happiness and light he remembered seeing whenever she was around Bucky or any of the Commandos for that matter made him feel guilty for not searching for her and trying to make sure she was safe.

"Look, Mila" He remembered Sam telling him that she didn't go by Betty anymore for a good reason and he didn't want to trigger her at a party. "I understand. I know you think I can't because I never went through what you did, but I understand what it's like to lose someone and harness that guilt. Remember I lost him too." Mila nodded slowly and looked over at the bar then back at Steve.

"I can tell already this is going to get deep. How about we hit that bar before we continue?" She said forcing a smile. Steve mulled over her offer and remembered all those times the commandos would go out to the pub after successful missions and sometimes for the hell of it.

"Are you sure? Your drinking buddy Dugan isn't here to help you when you fall off your bar stool." Steve teased raising an eyebrow. Mila cracked a real smile and laughed at the memory.

"Ok that was one time and you sir unfairly entered a drinking contest!" She said beaming.

"Well in my defense you never set any rules other than last one upright." Steve pointed a finger at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Rematch." She stated not letting Steve argue his way out of it. He wouldn't of anyway, if it made her smile he'd humor her little contest.

"You're on."

…

"it was not made for mortal men." Thor stated slipping some of the Asgardian drink in Mila and Steve's glasses. After hearing of their contest Thor offered the drink to help them along. Mila found that it was near impossible to be grumpy around Thor because of his infectious smile and attitude. She quickly befriended the Asgardian hoping that maybe his mood would linger with her after he left. She really wanted to be happy like him again.

"Neither was Omaha beach blondie!" A World War II vet piped up and Mila smiled. She remembered hearing about the attack the day of but she was busy cleaning up some of the last of the Hydra messes around Europe with Peggy. She had to admit after their initial attack on the main base she lost a lot of her fight because she lost Steve too but she still trudged on through the end of the War. These men around her were real heroes they never stopped fighting no matter who they lost. "Stop trying to scare us!" The man said holding his glass out. Thor looked to Steve for approval these were after all his friends, the God of Thunder would have hated to land one of these men in the hospital. Steve shrugged his shoulders the man earned it after all fighting at Normandy. With a small tilt of the flask Thor gave the Veteran what he wanted. Mila looked wide eyed over at Steve who was watching with eagerness at the man to see if he could really handle it. He took his shot in one quick move and seemed unaffected. After seeing he would be fine Mila and Steve clinked their glasses together in front of Thor and drank the liquid quick as they could to get another dose of Thor's magical alcohol but that's when they saw the older man start to sway and Mila being closer to the man caught him before he could fall backwards the same way Mila had over seventy years ago when Steve and her got into a drinking contest. Mila laughed remembering it and Steve rushed to help her get the man upright before Thor helped him usher his veteran friend out. Mila sat down on the now empty bar stool and nursed an open bottle nearby. She couldn't recall the last time she had a beer but she knew that she hated the taste. She shook her head putting the bottle back and walked around the bar to make her own drink. When she returned back to the bar stool two red and yellow drinks at the ready for her and Steve she crossed her legs and realized that maybe this golden dress from Tony could be a bad idea.

…

Steve and her were talking for a good hour feeling the effects of Thor's drink when Steve told some crass joke that sent them both into a fit of laughter. When Steve calmed back down his eyes drifted down to Mila's legs. A blush would have consumed his face as the gentlemen in him would hate to make a gal uncomfortable but he couldn't stop looking at the web like scar on the inside of her thigh.

"Mila what is that?" He asked pointing. Mila still high of his joke didn't know what he was talking about until she looked for herself. She swallowed hard. The night had been going better than she expected and now this. "Mila?"

"Where is Sam?" She said looking around for the man. Steve lightly grabbed her arm and she tugged out of his grip. "Don't touch me Steve, I want space." She said and Steve could see the slight shake of her arms. She was going to have an anxiety attack. Steve stood and scanned the party floor yelling his friend's name. Sam appeared from a small crowd of guests smiling but that instantly fell when he saw Mila drumming against her thighs and chewing on her bottom lip. Sam didn't need to ask any questions he escorted her to the elevator with Steve following them. Sam kindly asked Steve to just stay at the party and assured him that Mila would be fine. If only he could give that same reassurance to Steve for all that was about to happen.

…

Mila towel dried her hair ten floors down from the party. Sam was waiting for her in the longue area of the huge suite that he had been occupying for the past couple of months. He flipped through a couple of channels absently when she walked out wearing a pair of his baggy sweats and oversized shirt.

"Sam how long do the vets take to come back to normal?" Mila asked sitting beside him feet tucked under her. Sam turned to look at her his expression one of amusement.

"You and I both know the answer to that one." He stated.

"Steve saw the scars Rumlow left from his… fun." She hesitated to find a fitting word that made it less monstrous what he did. "I just started thinking back to him-"

"Mila, we don't need to relive the past. You have a whole future ahead of you. You got good friends here to support you and I know you think we don't understand; you're right. But that doesn't mean we can't listen. No one here is going to let you get hurt like that again." Mila grabbed the decorative pillow by her side and hugged it.

"You can't make guarantees like that. I am technically a considered a terrorist in over thirty countries and can be charged for at least six political assassinations, not to mention leaving Sokovia in a state of ruin and-" Sam stopped her rambling by hitting her with the other pillow in the side of the head. She stopped and looked at him with a look of shock.

"You too old to know what a pillow fight is?" He said. Mila blinked a couple times.

"I'm familiar with the concept, my sister and I had plenty." She stated repositioning her pillow to quickly strike for a counterattack.

"So let's have one. Good stress relief, No one is going to get hurt but the pillows." Mila mulled over the idea. God she hated ruining good things; moods, friends, lives. So she let the side of her that had long since been suppressed since her sister's death to come out. She would have honest, stupid, no-good reason, fun. She quickly hit Sam with her pillow and knocked him back on the couch. He let out a groan and tried to whack her again but she took off making him chase her. The pair continued acting like a bunch of dorks until Mila heard the unmistakable noise of gunfire. She stopped and looked to Sam.

"What?" He asked panting from pillow fighting so hard.

"Something's wrong." She said. Sure enough behind Sam through the wall length window was what looked like an Iron Man suit flying away and the glittering of glass shards falling down. "Take me back upstairs." She said bolting to the elevator. She knew it was foolish to head into an unknown danger in a new place, the strategist in her knew she was being a fucking idiot. However, she couldn't lose her friends and she needed to help if she could. When the doors to the main floor opened she saw the Avengers plus a few new faces trying to help each other get up from an obvious attack. She didn't know who the person was who did this but she knew they had to have some special abilities for this much extensive damage done. Her eyes scanned the room for Steve and found him standing upright. She sighed in relief and rushed over to him flinging her arms around his neck, her adrenaline making her ignore the fact that her bare feet was stepping on shards of glass. Steve wrapped his arms around her and mumbled he was okay.

"I can't lose all of my war buddies." She said with a small laugh. Steve chuckled and looked at her.

"We haven't lost Bucky yet. You and me we'll find him." Steve assured. If only Steve knew what Mila had already done to make sure she would find Bucky. She gave a quick glance at an upset Tony and knew her secret was safe.

 **AN: Thank you for reading. Please Review, I plan to have a reunion between Buck and Mila within the next two chapters so bear with me. Have to get through Age of Ultron. And yes, Tony was able to get the part of the device in her head reactivated that would allow her to find Bucky**.


	31. Capsize

**an: i am so sorry. Its been too long my friends, if you guys are still my friends. I wouldn't be, im a piece of poop.**

 _How could you have ever known_  
 _If I never let it show, now I just wanna know are you?_

 _I'm fine_  
 _Drop tears in the morning_  
 _Give in to the lonely_  
 _Here it comes with no warning_  
 _Capsize, I'm first in the water_  
 _Too close to the bottom_  
 _I'm right back where I started_  
 _Said I'm fin_ e

Capsize frenship

Mila sat on the couch in the apartment Steve had taken residence in at Stark Tower. With this Ultron bullshit coming up she wanted to be brought to speed and she had felt guilty for running out on Steve earlier. Steve came back to the couch with two glasses of water.. He held one out to Mila who mumbled a thanks before taking it. Steve admitted to her he knew nothing about Ultron. He said Tony and Maria were working to tail some leads while the rest of the team slept.

"A gift from Rumlow, that's why I took off." Mila said distant referencing Steve's earlier notice of the markings on her thighs. Steve sat beside her wondering if she would flinch from his proximity. Instead she surprised him by leaning into him and resting her head on his shoulder. "He had this billy club type thing but it could taze you, he got highly creative with the device." Steve inhaled trying to control the rage that was building in him at her words. He remember Rumlow used the same weapon on Steve nearly a year ago fighting him in the elevator and that had stung like a son of a bitch. He couldn't image Mila trying to withstand the pain of that thing… he didn't want to finish the thought.

"I'm going to kill him." Steve said. Mila shrugged and nuzzled closer to him.

"What good would it do? The damage is done." Steve sighed and put a protective arm around her.

"It would stop him from doing it to anyone else. A gentleman can't let a bastard treat a dame like that. I have to administer some justice, it's my job." Mila left out half a laugh at her dutiful friend. Even after all the years in the ice, the new time, and Hydra betrayal he was still as good hearted as she remembered.

"He didn't break me. I'll get by, I always do. I was programmed to be a survivor long before Hydra."

"But you don't have to do it alone. We're here to help if you'll let us." Steve spoke really hoping his friend would take him up on the offer.

"Steve, it's… I'm…" Mila fumbled to find the best way to explain her loner attitude. It was just what she was more accustomed to. Sure she missed Rebecca and Peggy. Yes, she had Natasha and Sam to help her. But Steve, he was so different. He remembered her as she was in the War, that was freshest in his mind. Steve was more optimistic than Rebecca or Peggy. Steve would never push her to get better faster, that she knew. But that didn't mean he wouldn't be a damn mess because she wasn't the girl he left fighting Hydra decades ago. "I'm better being by myself to deal with things."

"That's not true and you know it. I know Bucky would disagree too." Mila felt like he issued a physical blow to her gut at the mention of his name.

"Can we not talk about Buck?" It sounded nearly like a plea for her life. Steve silently agreed and focused on their talk on something else that had been bugging him.

"Fine. While we're talking about getting by on your own," Mila's chest grew tight knowing where this was going. "You knew I was awake, why didn't you come and find me?" Mila sat up preparing to run but Steve caught her wrist restraining her from fleeing.

"Steve- I couldn't." Her eyes stung from the guilt welling up inside of her.

"Why not?! You've been free since 09! I woke up in 2011 and you never came to find me! You had plenty of time-"

"To what cope? Recover? Heal? Because let me tell you something Steve you don't recover from the shit they did to me! I still have fucking nightmares! I can't sit with my back to a window or door! I have panic attacks over the stupidest shit! Steve I'm still so messed up myself! How could you expect me to help you? It was just better this way." With a tug she was free from his grip and walked over to the kitchen in Steve's flat in the tower to get a glass of water. Not because she was thirsty but rather to distract her. Steve followed her and leaned across the kitchen island to watch Mila. Once she took a big gulp she turned back around and found his gentle gaze looking at her as if to apologize for making her hurt.

"Having a friend is better." He spoke gently. "You aren't the only one whose biggest scar isn't physical." Mila sighed and slumped against the counter.

"I know. I'm just stubborn." She said letting a tear fall. She didn't want help, she wanted to be alone. Hydra and the KGB gave her anxiety and depression that left her feeling like she was always a burden or inconvenience for anyone to deal with. She held no value outside of fighting and rescuing the Asset. No Winter Soldier, Bucky. She was so lost in her own mind that she didn't even hear Steve approach until he lightly reached for her arm. Startled she caught his offer of peace between them but saw how even in those brilliant blue eyes the girls would swoon over back in the War, there was sadness and the rage of being held captive by your own mind. How could Mila leave her friend to fight on his own? Didn't she want to get back to her old self? Betty would never leave a friend behind. She wrapped her arms around him and began to cry.

"Hey Mila, it's ok." He spoke. She shook her head against his chest.

"No it's not. I think that I'm changing back to my old self, but I wouldn't have left you alone. I'm sorry Steve. It's just you gave up everything to defeat Hydra and I was proof that it wasn't over. That you died in vain."

"But if you did, we could have found Bucky and stopped Hydra."

"Hindsight is always 20/20. I just couldn't stand to disappoint you and have you hate me. I had no one. It's better to be alone than have everyone hate you."

"You can't turn a back on a friend. We've got one another, we can work together and get Bucky." Mila looked up at him

"He won't want to see me. Rumlow turned him against me. Buck thinks I still work for Hydra, that I helped Rumlow set a trap to catch him. I don't know what's worse." Mila's lip trembled as she went on. "Knowing he hates me or him thinking I was capable of such betrayal." If not for Steve's strong grip around her she would have collapsed at his feet but Steve didn't say a word as her knees buckled and his shirt became wet with a mix of salty tears and snot as she broke down. "I could never do that to him! It tore me apart to lose him and when I was in the red room-"

"Mila, you don't have to explain any of this to me. I know. The fall of SHIELD he was there and I wasn't going to fight him."

"I refuse to lose him again, but I'm afraid to lose myself in the process. To find him means I have to commit to the monster they made me into."

"Then don't. We can do this together. After we deal with this Ultron mess-"

"No. this is an Avengers mess. I don't want to fight anymore. It's bad enough I'll have to use my tracking skills-" Steve pulled Mila away to look at her.

"So you'll let innocent people die because you're afraid to lose yourself in fighting for the cause?" Mila scoffed and pushed herself away.

"See this is exactly why we never wanted to find you."

"Who's we?" He asked flatly.

"Bucky and me. You don't understand what it's like to just be a weapon for evil. I start fighting and it's like I'm their mindless machine again and it takes a moment after the gloves are off for me to realize the damage I've done. You can't shame me from making a choice like this." Steve clenched his jaw and walked back to the living room running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Betty wouldn't have given up on her friends and let people get hurt." Steve's words were a low blow and they both knew it. Mila let out a puff of anger and started prowling towards her offender.

"You really want to play that card Steve?" She whispered on the brink of madness. Steve's composure dropped knowing now that he needed to apologize but it was too late. Before he could open his mouth again she was unleashing her rage verbally on him "Because you know what else Betty wouldn't do? Give up hope and let herself get captured by the enemy. Trade her free will at the expense of betraying the man she loved most." She was now toe to toe with Steve who was trying to mutter an apology but she was too loud. "Believe the lies the enemy told her. Kill innocent people to settle Hydra debts." At this point she started shoving him backwards with her every example. "Assassinate political leaders to create chaos. Allow herself to be raped for months on end by Pierce and Rumlow. To give up on the man she loved and her best friends." Steve noticed the tears on her face and the sheer look of a killer in her brown eyes. A look he would have never imagined on his friend. "Most importantly she wouldn't have shot her own nephew point blank while he cried to prove her loyalties for Hydra and the KGB!" She shoved Steve back so hard that he landed on the coffee table behind him and it shattered under him. The second the glass broke Mila snapped out of her red haze of anger and regret was clear. She put her hand over her mouth as he groaned to get back up.

" Damn Mila." He said getting up.

"I'm so sorry Steve." She said trying to help him up. He shrugged off her helping hand and paused trying to regain the breath that was knocked out of him. Mila didn't know what to do and it was a forgiven concept to her. So she slowly backed away and started heading for the door.

"Mila-" Steve was cut off by the closing of his door. He got up to look out to the hall but saw she was already on the elevator and going lord only knows where. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes trying to figure out how to apologize to the friend he was once so close with when Bucky wasn't around. "Damnit." He muttered.

"Hey now, language." Natasha said from down the hall. She was just headed to her suite down the hall when she saw the disgruntled soldier. Steve put his hand down and gave Natasha a pointed look.

"Really?" She smirked and bumped into his shoulder.

"Really. Now what's up?"

"I messed up. I thought I would offer to help her and it blew up in my face. She got pissed and pushed me into the coffee table, then walked out." Natasha could see how much Steve was bothered by the fact he couldn't reconnect with his friend like he used to and know it was baffling him.

"Steve, people like us… we don't just get a bandaid and a sticker and everything is better."

"I know that Nat but she thinks I can't understand-"

"You can't." Natasha said making it clear how obvious it should have been. Steve rose an eyebrow in confusion and she sighed explaining herself. "You gotta get that through your head before you try to get into hers. You will never be able to understand what she went through. If you want to help her, you can't talk about some person she used to be. Believe me, she remembers who she was before KGB. Reminding her of it only shuts her down more. You need to go forward from now. She will be a new person, but that heart," She pointed at Steve's chest. "She's still got that same hopeful heart like Betty. You just need to let her show you, small steps." Natasha patted him on the shoulder and walked towards her suite.

"Thanks." He spoke quietly.

"Welcome. Oh and she probably went to the gym." Natasha called over her shoulder.

A well placed punch to the target and it went flying across the way in a limp pile. Bucky tried to catch his breath as he took in the damage. He got cornered in an alley on his paper route and three Hydra agents thought they could stop him. Now they were either dead or unconscious. Bucky grabbed his paper bag and walked calmly out of the alley knowing the one survivor wouldn't be awake for a while. He kept dropping papers off at the door stops and there she was. That same little girl who had been waiting for the paperman every morning the past week. Bucky had actually started to like the idea of the little girl greeting him with a smile every morning. When he made it to her door she was there with something behind her back.

"reggel!"(morning!) The little girl said in her native tongue before showing a cupcake icing decorated in a sloppy handwriting he could only presume was the girl's. From what Bucky could read it said 'thank you' in Hungarian. He smiled and handed the girl their paper and before she could give him his cupcake she noticed something on his forehead. "Megsérültél. Kapok egy bandaidot." (you're hurt! I will get a bandaid) She said grabbing his metal gloved hand and pulling him inside. Bucky's mouth was gaping like a fish as she lead him in the house. He could have easily slipped out of her grip and ran, but that would look suspicious. Inside he was greeted with a woman cooking in the small kitchen and a man looking at Bucky standing next to the little window.

"Agota, mi ez?" (what is this?) The man spoke before catching sight of the stranger's face. "Oh, Iren!" He called causing the woman to stop cooking and take in the scene. She silently turned down the stove and walked away to a flight of stairs. The little girl skipped through the kitchen and grabbed a rag and went to the sink. Once wet enough she met her father to stand in front of Bucky. She offered him the rag and he took it with hesitance. "mi történt?" (What happened) He asked looking the man over.

"Egy kutya megtámadott." (A dog attacked me). Bucky lied, he continued to explain further that he fell jumping a fence to avoid the dog. The man seemed to buy the tale and then proceeded to help his wife spread out the medical supplies from a kit. Iren, the mother, explained she was a nurse ,switching between using english and hungarian when he daughter would translate certain words, and she saw stuff like this all the time. Bucky was grateful for the fact, but it also tugged at his heart to hear the fact. He knew a nurse once, a sweet girl, but she was gone now. He winced while the woman stitched up a wound near his temple. That pulled him out of his day dream. The little girl bounced back and forth on her legs waiting to help her mother. When she pulled back the little girl jumped to put something on Bucky's head. He tensed unsure of what it was.

"Ez egy kötés, itt van egy matrica is" (it's a bandaid, here is a sticker too) She said handing him a sticker with some pink kitty cat on it. He smiled and his lip trembled a bit at the gesture. Here was a completely innocent family with no idea of all the horrors the man they bandaged did offering kindness. Bucky took the sticker and peeled it off, with some difficulty thanks to the gloves, and stuck it on his jacket.

"köszönöm." (Thank you) he spoke before the little girl wrapped him in a tight hug.

"szívesen. Egy nap orvos vagyok!" (you're welcome. I'm going to be a doctor one day) Bucky nodded and tried to remember what it was like to be so young and hopeful about your future.

"Agota, Hagyja, hogy a férfi újra munkába álljon. Iskolába kell menned." (let the man get back to work, you have to go to school.) The mother spoke grabbing her keys.

"még egyszer köszönöm." (thank you again) Bucky hoped he convoyed all his sincerity.. The family smiled as he left and he walked down the sidewalk in a blissful state. He couldn't believe how kind the family was to a stranger, shame for him he would never see them again to repay their hospitality. If Hydra found him, that meant it was time to leave again. He looked at the sticker on his jacket. Funny how a bandaid and a sticker made him feel so much better about going on the run. Maybe he didn't have to be completely alone, some strangers meant nothing but good for him and not to treat him like a monster.

I'm a monster. Mila kept thinking as she hit the punching bag. She couldn't control herself around normal people. Well, as normal as superhero people could be. She started hitting the bag with a new jab-uppercut-kick combo but even the focus on the pattern wasn't enough to stop her from blaming her Hydra past for hurting Steve earlier. She hit the bag hard enough to knock it off the hook and get about six feet away from her and she sighed going to pick up the bag to rehang it.

"I used to do that a lot." Steve's voice was gentle but still startled Mila. She turned around and looked at the sad look he gave her.

"You look like a kicked puppy, funny since you're the one who should be mad." Mila spoke trying to hang the bag back up as he shrugged. He walked over to her and helped her hang reach the two inches she was too short to reach. She muttered a thanks and placed her hands on the bag not trusting them to be anywhere else in case she lashed out again. She was doing everything in her power not to look at Steve from this close. "Isn't it past your bedtime?" She finally said looking at his chest.

"I've had enough sleep for one lifetime." He spoke. "I came here to apologize for pushing you. It wasn't right of me. It is your decision to fight alongside us or not. I realize it was incredibly wrong of me to put you in a spot where you felt like you had no choice. A good friend wouldn't do that." Mila looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity.

"C'mon Rogers we both know you're a punk." She gave him a light punch to the shoulder and he chuckled.

"So true." His chest felt lighter knowing without saying it she forgave him. "Let's get to bed. We'll have a long day ahead of us." Steve spoke wrapping an arm around her. She looked perplexed at his statement.

"We? No I said I wasn't fighting."

"Right which means you'll be on clean-up crew at the tower." Steve said as a matter-of-fact. Mila rolled her eyes.

"Almost makes me want to fight just to get out of it." The pair laughed and headed back to Steve's suite where he offered her his bed while he took the couch. Before she argued with him she caught herself. She would always argue with Bucky about sleeping arrangements before they gave in to their desires. She blushed at the thought and went ahead with Steve's offer of chivalry. She wouldn't take that intimate memory of arguing away from her and Bucky. Before her head hit the goose-feather pillows she was out.

"This is bullshit. Who even keeps paper files anymore?" Clint asked before his phone rang.

"I like it." Mila stated. It reminded her of working in the museum back at D.C. when her and the rest of the Avengers were fingering their way through tons of paper files trying to find any information that could help them stop this Ultron character. In truth, Mila had her own problems she needed to sort through and would rather continue working on those. But, Steve needed her help and she figured after four years of keeping her distance from her once good friend this was a good way to start making amends, especially after last night.

She scratched absently at newly formed scar on the back of her neck thanks to her surgery but stopped and quickly glanced Steve's way. She didn't want him to know that she would be trying to find Bucky once she felt better. She could hardly deal with all the old emotions and memories of better times Steve brought forth. She had no idea how Bucky would react to him. As she pulled another file out she looked at one of the men's profile pictures in his file. He looked familiar and she didn't know why.

Tony noticed her pained expression while she tried to reconnect a memory. She had the same problem after getting out of surgery last time Tony tinkered in her mind. There were small holes in her memory, but eventually everything came back.

"What you got there Mama Romanoff?" Tony said as he looked at the file. Natasha shoot him a death glare to which Tony pointed a finger at. "Am I wrong? Didn't she raise you?" Tony asked focusing back at the file.

"I know this man, but I can't-"

"Ulysses Klaue. I know him." As Tony took the file from her he explained how he knew the man. Mila however looked to Steve and an unspoken conversation occurred between them. Earlier they discussed how this could get ugly and they would need all hands on deck. Mila was still split on fighting alongside Steve or stay behind at the Tower. In truth she was too mentally exhausted to fight any psycho flying robots. However her heart still had fight left in it, maybe her time with Rumlow didn't take everything away from her.

The plan was to get to Africa and try and stop Ultron. Mila was going to stay behind with Sam at the tower. Steve didn't like the idea of her getting on the jet after their conversation last night. He figured as long as the comms were up they could keep in touch. However Steve needed one more questioned answered before they left. He cornered her in the hanger where she was waiting for them to take off.

"So, why were you avoiding me for so long at the Smithsonian? I tried finding out what happened to you shortly after I came back from the ice." Mila let out a deep breath through her nose and looked to Steve with glassy eyes.

"Steve it's not that simple." She spoke.

"All the reports say you went missing in 1947. No trace of what happened." Mila looked down at her shoes before glancing around the cabin to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation. "We know what happened though, we found the journal under your bed." Mila's head snapped up at the claim. "Why'd you keep it? More importantly how could you keep both yourself and Bucky from me?"

"Steve you remember back in '44 when we all decided to go visit the Italian countryside before coming back to England?"

"Of course."

"You know when you and Bucky told me about that ravine you two idiots got separated from the group following because you thought it was the right path to take to get to the hilltop for sunset?" Steve hesitated. He remembered, but not for good reason. He remembered when Bucky and himself got about halfway down the trail they saw a small Italian village with beaten and bloodied soldiers and women. The scene was similar to a battlefield with all the carnage around the village. Who ever stormed through the area, American, British, or French, didn't even spare the women or children. Bucky and Steve promised not to talk about the scene to Betty or any of the commandos.

"Yeah, what's that got to do with anything?" Steve asked crossing his arms.

"You kept the slaughter you found in that village to yourselves because you thought it would upset me, or disgust the rest of the team. Selfishly you decide to keep it from us. However, I can't blame you. When we went looking for you, we saw all the blood and mess of people left to suffer. My heart broke seeing how evil man could be to fellow man, Dum Dum quickly got us out of there. We never spoke about it after that day. We couldn't accept that the mess of the village was caused by someone on our side of the war."

"What's the point Betty?" Steve asked forgetting that this woman was far removed from the woman he knew during the war.

"You don't want to know how cruel and evil man can be. You would do anything to lie to your friends and keep them free from the burden of knowing how utterly disgusting and horrifying mankind can be. That's why I didn't want to face you, I was a living example of that and I didn't want you to see it." Steve nodded his head slowly in thought seeing her point. He couldn't be mad at her for it now that she explained it that way. With a sigh he wrapped his arms around her in the tightest hug she had ever felt in decades and kissed the side of her head in a fraternal way.

"I'm just glad to have you back."

"Yeah. I'm glad too." She whispered wrapping her arms around him. The pair broke away and gave a half smile knowing that Steve could very well get hurt or killed on this mission. As was the way of dismissing him after her debriefings back when they were the Howling Commandos.

"Hey, you may be the man with the plan, but follow my plan and don't get em killed." Mila said remembering what she always told Steve before a Commando mission. Steve tipped his head and gave her a salute.

"Yes ma'am. You have my word." And for a moment everything felt whole again for the pair. They weren't caught up in a modern world dealing with robots and aliens. They were in simpler times were a future was imagined as settling down and having a family next door to the other. It wasn't until Mila's heart began to sink realizing the kiss she would normally sneak off to the corner to get from her dear Sergeant Barnes wasn't coming. She shook her head and walked away from Steve not wanting her. Gloom to ruin his good mood before the mission.

She found her way to Sam in the tower and saw the quintet take off from the ceiling to floor window in his suite.

Sam approached her and crossed his arms looking out to the distance. "So wanna play monopoly or something?" He offered. Mila rolled her eyes.

"No we have cleanup to do. Go find an apron buddy." Mila countered before walking away.

"Can't Tony just hire someone else to do it?"

"You do have a point there sir. I guess that means you have time to teach me how to play Call of Duty right?"

"Absolutely. You'll love it."


	32. Redemption

An: lord finally... please leave a review.

 _You've got it all worked out with so little time_  
 _Memories that I'd blackout if you were mine_  
 _You've got a pocket full of reasons why you're here tonight_  
 _So, baby, tonight just be the death of me_

 _collar full- Panic! At the Disco_

* * *

"C'mon now! You hustled me!" Sam complained while fixing supper in his suite. A couple of frozen TV dinners may not be gourmet but it was easy.

"No." Mila assured grabbing two bottles of ale out of his fridge. She had never considered herself a beer drinker before she started being around friends more. She knew getting drunk wasn't a luxury for her due to her condition but that didn't stop her from attempting to submerge her feelings. "I have an enhanced mind thanks to my good ol' friends at Hyrda. I learn quickly and have faster than normal reflexes."

"So that's what HYdra's secret plan was all along. Hustling video games." Sam said taking a bottle from Mila.

"Oh yeah you caught them!" Mila let a laugh slip out not believing how he was able to joke about Hydra. "Definitely had nothing to do with Smitch having a god-complex and creating his perfect world."

"You talk like that, I forget you were around for it all in the beginning."

"Are you going to make an old lady joke? Remember this old lady can kick your ass."

"I do not doubt that."

The pair continued chilling and talking like friends should. Sam had a way of connecting with her that made her hopeful about her future, even with the constant nagging anxiety racking her body. And now that he knew the truth about her past there was nothing to hold her back from being honest. It was a relief that Sam could casually make a joke about her former assassin or WWII veteran status without degrading her. He wasn't intimidated by her, if anything he seemed impressed with all that she had been through. It wasn't until they finished watching Forrest Gump that everything went wrong. Sam suggested it would be a great way to summarize what she missed being brainwashed for evil, but when he turned off the DVD a newsflash was on the TV.

"- unclear what the Avengers were doing in the area. Reports have come in that the Hulk and Iron Man caused at least five million dollars in damages with 18 severely injured bystanders making there way to nearby hospitals."

"We should have heard from the team by now right?" Mila was refusing to believe that her team was in danger or that Bruce Hulked out for no reason.

"Shit." They left the DVD alone and went to the main level of the tower to try and find Maria Hill. They went over the comms in the building and went to her office. No trace. They tried her phone and got voicemail.

"What do we do?" Mila asked full of worry.

"I don't know. Try the team." Mila didn't know how she was supposed to she didn't have a phone to contact anyone. So Sam did and he got a vague response from Tony.

Mike Charlie. Wonderland. Fence.

"What the hell does that mean?" Sam asked. Mila sucked in a breath.

"It's a code. From Steve. Back when we were Howling Commandos we created our own information code for communication if we knew someone was listening."

"Ok so…"

"There mission was compromised. He doesn't know where they are going. He'll keep us posted." Mila started to panic and paced around the room running her hands through her hair. "Send him a message that says 'scholar.'" Sam gave her a confused look. "A scholar gets everything. He needs to know I got the message." Sam nodded finding that this code system made sense but to anyone else probably seemed like random nonsense. Mila continued to run her fingers through her hair until she felt something warm and sticky. Pulling her hands away she found her fingers covered in blood meaning she aggravated the stitches from Stark's surgery.

"Mila what's wrong?" Sam asked walking to her. She backed away assuring him it was nothing but that didn't sit well with him as he put his hand on the back of her neck and found more blood. "What's this coming from?!" He asked worried. Mila sighed and nodded to the bathroom where she walked and Sam followed.

"I had Stark open me back up and reboot the systems in my mind that allow me to hone in on the Winter Solider. I have to find Bucky and this was the only way."

"Do you realize how dumb it would be to go after him by yourself? You are still on a wanted list by Hydra."

"And so is Buck! I let him down once, not again." Mila wet a rag in the bathroom sink and pressed it against her neck, hissing for a moment the pressure.

"At least wait until you have back up or Steve can go. He was his friend too." Sam stood next to her at the sink trying to make sure she was ok, regardless of how upset the discovery made him.

"He was more than a friend to me Sam." She spoke glaring at him. Sam raised a brow at her. "Yes Steve and I have different bonds to Buck, but I have nothing outside of helping Bucky. The world doesn't need an ex-assassin to try an be a hero. The people look up to Steve." Mila sound defeated by the fact. Had she not been captured by the KGB maybe she could have lived out her days and been remembered as an invaluable asset to the Commandos. Instead she was stuck in her youth and was forced to remove her existence from history. Once Hydra information leaked her reputation was ruined and the connections were made to her past by conspiracy theorists. She had looked up some of the ridiculous things if she was lounging around the tower and needed a distraction from reflecting on Rumlow's attacks.

"So because he has a title to live up to he can't save his best friend?" Sam leaned against the wall. Mila could still see him in the reflection of the glass.

"No it's just you don't understand. Steve has expectations for the both of us to live up to and neither of us need that pressure."

"I understand plenty. You are too afraid that Steve can't handle both of your crazy asses and he'll regret saving you because you aren't his war buddies." Mila remained silent. "Yeah, that's what i thought. Look, I get where you are coming from. I do. Just… whatever you decide to do be safe. And wait please to say good bye to Steve. I am not dealing with his sobbing ass when you leave. Guy's a huge teddy bear." Sam grinned lightening the mood and Mila smirked

"Yeah sounds like Steve." She checked the rag and found a nice bright red stain. She sighed and put the rag back and turned around to face Sam. "If I tell him face to face he won't be able to stay behind. I can't do this if Steve is there."

"Was this the plan all along?" Sam asked tilting his head.

"Yeah"

Sam nodded slowly thinking about how he was trying to help out a friend when he picked her up. But it was just a stepping stone to achieving her own goal. "Dick move." Sam said walking out. Mila shook her head. There was a reason she remained by herself before leaving the museum. She couldn't upset people if she was alone. Maybe it was time to be on her own again. Walking out into the living room she didn't see Sam anywhere. Perfect.

Mila silently snuck out of Sam's room and went into Steve's. Rummaging for a piece of paper and pencil wasn't hard considering Steve sketched in his free time but writing the letter was.

'Dearest Steve,

You and I meet in the middle of a war right after you saved the love of my life. I thanked you then but it could never be enough. You brought him back alive so I was able to fall further in love with him and those were among the happiest moments of my life. No one told you to save Bucky, but you did because he was your world. Your brother and friend. You listened to your gut and did what you had to do as you always have.

Bucky always joked that we could be siblings with as bull headed you and I were. And he's right. But something he never said aloud that I know he also saw in us, we would do anything for him. So to spare ourselves from an argument, you have to let me do this. I'm going to find Bucky and bring him back when we're ready. We could never come back to this tower though. I don't think any amount of my encouragement could convince Bucky that he could live in Stark tower with us. You'll need to find that place in Brooklyn for us all.

You see as the Red Sentinel I pushed the Winter Solider to complete all his missions. This is another reason why I must leave. Bucky and I both played a helping hand in the death of Tony's parents and I can not hold the weight on my shoulders anymore. Tony freed my mind from Hydra. He saved the life of the person who ruined his. I still have sins to pay for and Buck will too, you know how his mind works. So I promise, I will come find you when we're ready.

Hoping one day I can again be,

Beatrice Raden

She wiped away a few teas while writing it but finished it in about twenty minutes. She folded it up and walked over to his dresser but found a letter addressed to Bucky and another to herself. She grabbed them and recognized the script as Rebecca's. She tucked the letters into her hoodie and packed a backpack with some of Steve's clothes figuring Bucky was the same size as him. She also grabbed some razors figuring Bucky would be a hairy mess by now. After satisfied with what she got she made for Natasha's room and began rummaging through her prodigies' closet. She took some toiletries as well before Finding Tony's safe in the tower and after thirty minutes of hacking the biometric system she was able to sneak in and take a couple hundred thousand dollars. She stuffed the money into her bag and waited for the elevator to come back up to her floor. When the doors opened Sam was standing there arms crossed.

"Fancy meeting you here." He said taking in the obvious signs that Mila was ready to hit the road for a long time.

"Hey." Mila didn't know how to respond. She had been caught.

"Where you planning to start?"

"I have to make a stop in D.C. And then I'm going to Sokovia. It's a good place to start."

"What's in D.C.? You're apartment was torn apart by the CIA."

"I figured but, Rebecca is still there… I hope. And I need her help." Sam threw his hands down and looked at Mila in disbelief.

"You are not dragging that woman out of her bed to chase her brother around the globe." Mila gave him a pointed look.

"I need her help convincing Bucky I'm not working for Hydra anymore. She's going to write him a letter for me."

"So like a letter of recommendation?"

"Sorta."

"Are you sure you and steve aren't related?" Sam asked slipping his hands into his pockets. Mila tilted her head to the side. "You both get these reckless ideas and have that same crazy determined look in your eye when you're about to fall through with it." Mila smirked and shrugged a bit.

"Maybe we are. Who knows."

"Well, I can't stop Steve from doing anything. His motto is 'Steve yes!' So I'm not even going to try and stop you. Just check in occasionally."

"When I can, I will." Mila walked to Sam and pecked him on the cheek. "Thank you. For everything Sam. You've helped a lot, but I need to pay it forward." She put a consoling hand on his shoulder and squeezed before Sam pulled her into a tight embrace patting her on the back.

"I'm going to miss you."

"Likewise." With that Mila was gone off to find Rebecca wondering what state she was in. She picked one of Tony's more inconspicuous cars, knowing it could be tracked, but it didn't matter. She drove through the night and made it to DC in record time. Her mind was working in overdrive the entire time trying to figure out ways to convince Bucky she hadn't betrayed him and how to begin tracking him down. It wasn't the same as when Hydra had complete control of her mind. Stark had only partially made the machine in her head active. She had control over her own emotions which was great, but there was the constant anxiety that went with tracking Bucky. Her body was always on edge and wouldn't calm down from the constant stress until she found him. Something in his arm made the device in her head shut down the constant adrenaline rush that coursed through her. It could kill her she guessed which was what lead her to always finding him so quickly as the Sentinel. The only exception was those three months after the Rothenberg mishap in New York. The KGB had to step in and put her on ice until she stabilized herself again. Mila shuddered and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel only about an hour away from the Nation's capital. Taking that into consideration she only had a little over a month to find Bucky before her body would shut itself down permanently.

Bucky looked around the nation's capital and found that he could easily blend in here. The streets seemed to constantly be busy and at this side of the city there was hardly any tourists or surveillance. It didn't take him long to figure out a strategic layout of the city. He need to be somewhere close enough to a roadway that could lead him out of the city quickly. He walked around well into the night and by early morning found an apartment complex that would be off the grid enough to lay low for a while.

He walked into the leasing office of the apartment after counting all the cash he had gathered from running the paper route. There should be enough there to last him a month or two. He would find some work before then to get more money. He was tired of living in the past and stealing. He wanted to live an honest life now and sort his head out now that he didn't have Mila-The red Sentinel here. If she was hunting him down he would be prepared. That's why the first thing he did once in his apartment was examine the perimeter and start figuring out escape routes. He would worry about furnishing later.

He took three trips to the dumpster to get enough newspaper to cover all the windows and he slept on the bag of all his clothes on the dusty floor the first night. The second day was merely checking every square inch of the place and seeing what he would need to blockade his doors should the occasion call for it. Once he was satisfied he went down to wander the streets finding what he would need to set up a home. He didn't need much just some food first and he would worry about furniture later. He didn't need much. Anything that wasn't the Cryochamber would be better to stay in the rest of his life even if the wallpaper was peeling. At night he patiently listened to his neighbors and made note of when they got home knowing he would need to make sure they were safe before he settled to well into this place.

From what he could tell, the apartment on one side of him, that would share the balcony was empty. He hoped it stayed that way. He was at least twelve floors up, who would want to climb all these stairs everyday? The landlord already explained the elevator was unreliable, she couldn't get anyone out here to fix it. MAybe he could stay here a while, blend in. He rather liked that idea. Even when the paper read Avengers Subdue Global Threat in Sokvia, Still A Major Loss, Bucky remained in his apartment feeling for once he may be in the right spot for once. The Paper went on to describe three unknown figures fighting alongside the Avengers and while they didn't have too many details, Buck just knew. The Red Sentinel was fighting alongside the Avengers.

The fact that she was able to join them in combat had him at a loss. Had he misjudged her or was she betraying them as she did to Bucky all those months ago? Bucky would stay up late at night trying to figure out the truth. Something in him was highly upset that the Red Sentinel could be charming to harm their old friend Steve. One night in particularity it seemed very obvious that his subconscious was ruled by his heart.

 _Bucky was sitting at the kitchen table in his home. He didn't remember having a home but this place with it's tiled floor kitchen and dog barking in the yard, it was his. He heard a humming coming from the living room and he placed the paper down on the table to see who was making the noise. He looked around for a weapon before realizing how dumb it would be that an assassin would give away their position by humming. When he stepped into the room he saw Mila completely out of place in a black tactical suit with a hood over her brown curls. Even though that was the uniform of the Red Sentinel he wasn't afraid to walk up to her and embrace her._

 _"Betty." Her name was a desperate plea. He was afraid she would leave._

 _"Buck. You know I'd never do this to you." She was sobbing. Bucky nodded and held her closer._

 _"I know Betty." He whispered trying to soothe her. She pushed him away and glared at him._

 _"Then why'd you leave me with Rumlow and Struker? You know what they did?! I spent years looking for you and I got on the plane to run away from you. I had no idea you were there! I was afraid you'd recognize me only as a monster and you'd kill me!"_

 _"I had no idea who you were in the museum." Bucky countered._

 _"And that was the only thing that kept me alive. Hydra messed your mind up too much and I got a second chance to help you. It was redemption from the Red Room where I failed you. I couldn't ruin our second chance by telling you who Hydra made me into."_

 _"But we spent all that time hunting the Red Sentinel and you knew it was you."_

 _"You were plagued by hatred and revenge. You would have killed me. Why would I lead you into Hydra bases and help you kill them if I was supposed to turn you in?" She took a step back and looked around the now Red Room cell. The house faded away. "They ruined me as much as they did you. Those 70 years were hell without my free will. Everything we went through the past couple of months was genuine. Did you realize I was incapacitated when Rumlow sold you his lie? Think of how it benefited him to have you against me. Did you not see the fear in my eyes when his hands were on me?! And why would I help you escape? WHy would I be bound up too?" The room shifted again to the warehouse where Rumlow held the couple before he left Mila behind. "Open your eyes! Hydra does nothing but deceive you! I kept one thing from you so that I could enjoy time with you. I would never betray you." She walked closer to him and gently held his face. "Remember that house outside of Kiev? I think we made it very clear how sincere our love was. You can't fake any of that." Bucky held her hand closer to his face and noticed his arm wasn't metal, but flesh. He looked to Mila with surprise and his mouth twitched with a smile. "I know you want to be normal and live in a picket house. I've never seen you as anything less. I wanted that too, but it would be enough to just be with you. But you still have too much hatred in your heart. To Hydra and the Red Room it makes sense, but me?" Mila took her hand away and Bucky's arm turned back to metal and she walked away. But as fast as Bucky ran to catch her she still slipped away. Bucky was all alone in a dark room._

Bucky woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He put his hand over his heart that felt like it would burst out of his chest. He looked around the dark dank apartment and didn't see anything out of place. He went to a journal he grabbed earlier that day and started writing everything down hoping to make sense of it in the morning. He stayed up a few more minutes before laying his head down. The dream replayed only this time Mila didn't have the Red Sentinel's hood on. Bucky knew in the dream she was right, but when he would wake up to sort through everything he wrote his mind was telling him he couldn't trust her. He could never settle for which was right; his mind or heart.

Over the next two weeks he settled into a routine of these plagued dreams and a job. At 430 he got up got the paper off the street from the delivery stack and walked through the alleys making his way to his boss to get the day's assignment. Working for the mechanic at the sketchy garage was honest work and it was something he had wanted to fall into after the war. The work paid decent enough that he could continue to work and swing by the various markets on his way back home on Friday and get food. His clothes were becoming permanently oil stained and his hair unruly. He invested in another ball cap to keep his hair out of his face and cleaner. Overall he was enjoying this life until he noticed there was a muddy set of footprints going to the apartment next to him. So someone finally moved in. Bucky sat very still at his table by the wall listening for anything that might indicate this new neighbor was a threat.

The next morning when he was about to leave he heard a crash next door and stopped buttoning up his shirt to listen closer. There was not another sound after five minutes and he continued on his routine. As he picked up the paper he could have sworn he was being watched. He took an alternate route to work just to be safe. He felt paranoid all day while fixing engines and changing tires. He took the long scenic route home and decided to go out to a bar and see if he could notice anyone looking out of place or watching him.

He was downing his second beer at the corner barstool when he noticed the back of a woman playing pool. She had the same slim figure that had been haunting his dreams for near four months. But how could she have found him if she was siding with the Avengers now? Bucky toook his chances knowing he could take her in a crowd if he gave it his all. He finished the beer and walked over to the woman leaning on a pool stick. He cleared his throat ready for a fight when she turned but the face was not what he expected. She was beautiful but she looked like she shouldn't have been allowed into the bar without a parent.

"Sorry. Thought you were someone else." Bucky claimed once he saw her impatient look. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the muscular men playing pool. Bucky left the bar walking slowly home so as to take in anything that may be out of place. He climbed the stairs lethargically knowing he would hit the bed the second he got in the door. His routine had been disturbed by the bar stop and he was really missing the pillow and sleeping bag on his floor. He went to grab the door handle and noticed the slightest splintering near the door handle and braced himself. Someone was in there. He didn't know if it was friend or foe but either way, he needed that bag by the door before he ran away. He sucked in a breath slowly and knew better than to unlock the door because it was probably still unlocked. He turned the knob as slow as possible and saw noting inside. It was good for him that there was no light in the hall but the apartment was pitch black.

Against his best wishes he knew he'd need the light on. He slowly moved to the table where one of many guns were hidden. He clicked the safety off and flinched when it made a noise. He heard a thud and flipped the lights on. His heart stopped beating when he saw Mila's frieghtened face in his kitchen. He didn't lower his gun from the spot between her eyes as her hands went up. It was so quiet he could hear her heart pounding from across the room.

"Hey Buck." She said meekly with tears stinging her eyes.


	33. Crown Hangs Heavy on Either Side

**AN: I included flashbacks to the battle of Sokovia here because it's important for Mila to find value in her skills and abilities that Hydra gave her outside of destruction and hunting down the Winter Solider. Her redemption in the flashbacks is important to how she moves forward. Remember she didn't want to fight alongside the Avengers originally because she only saw herself as a weapon. Also I might add that when I heard Panic! at the Disco's 'Far Too Young to Die' I got the idea for this fanfic to move from just some tourist in Europe bumping into the Winter Solider to what you see before you. SO it is highly recommend to listen to that song when you read this.**

 **Please leave a review about this chapter, because I want to know what you were thinking while reading from start to finish. Please please please!**

* * *

 _I've never so adored you_  
 _I'm twisting allegories now_  
 _I want to complicate you_  
 _Don't let me do this to myself_

 _I'm chasing roller coasters_  
 _I've got to have you closer now_  
 _Endless romantic stories_  
 _You never could control me_

 _Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight_  
 _When the crown hangs heavy on either side_  
 _Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die._  
 _Far too young to die_  
 _Far too young to die_

 _Fixation or psychosis?_  
 _Devoted to neurosis now_  
 _Endless romantic stories_  
 _You never could control me_

 _\- Panic! at the Disco 'Far Too Young to Die'_

* * *

"Hey Buck." She spoke meekly with tears stinging her eyes. It wasn't because she was afraid of him that she was crying, it wasn't happiness. She knew exactly where he was because her anxiety had finally subsided and she had been stalking him for near a week now. The tears were a remainder of depression that hit her when she read the journal on the counter.

 _How can I believe my dreams that are seducing me to believe she didn't betray me. It's in her nature to betray me, that's why they picked her. Who else would I naively trust but the woman I once loved. You cannot fall for her tricks._

Bucky still thought she was a traitor and a monster. His dreams were trying to convince him otherwise but his logic was arguing against him. It broke her heart. She was reading by the moonlight and when she heard the safety click off she dropped the journal. It wasn't the first time she was looking at Bucky with his gun pointed at her. But it was when she was sentinel and that different. He stood there murderous rage clear on his face. A look she had seen millions of times but this hurt her more than ever. /his silence was deafening.

"If you pull the trigger, I understand." She said looking down her face contouring to a sad look but trying to desperately avoid letting out a sob. She knew this was a possibility. She thought of all the was this could play out over the past week after she found him while waiting in her apartment next door. She worked out a thousand different apologizes and yet she could recall none of them as the barrel of a glock was pointed her direction. She slowly rose her head up to look at him and saw the slight shake of the gun. He was hesitating. The Solider she knew on the front lines of WWII and the corrupted assassin were not known for hesitating to take the kill shot when the enemy was in front of the them. Part of his appeal to Hydra and why they picked him. How had it come to this? This was always a possibility of finding Bucky but when she set out two weeks ago him pointing a gun at her was the last thing on her mind.

%%%

" _Mila what are you doing here?" Steve yelled from across the street where he was fighting off one_ _of the many Ultron drones creating chaos on the Sokovian Streets. Mila holstered her firearm and ran towards Steve to jump on a drone trying to attack him._

 _"I get restless." She grunted out riding the shoulders of the drone and pulled her gun out and shot him in the head. They both dropped and the area was clear for a moment and Steve stood above Mila holding his hand out to help her back up._

 _"Call me paranoid, but I think you might be hiding an ulterior motive." He said shaking her hand glad to be fighting side by side with his friend._

 _"You read the letter." She stated._

 _"Yeah, can't believe you would do something reckless like chase after Bucky." Steve said smirking at the end. She shrugged and smirked, the mirror of one he had seen on Natasha's face countless times. It was obvious watching her fight and within her mannerisms that his friend taught the lethal assassin the Black Widow._

 _"So what's our plan Cap?" She asked looking around._

 _"Is Corporal Raden asking me for a plan?" Steve's words were dripping with sarcasm._

 _"Well for some reason I think you know what's going on more than I do. So?"_

 _Steve pointed behind Mila. "Take out that squad then find the rest of the team." Steve nodded and they ran off but Mila felt the control slip as she continued to work her way through the drones with little effort. Before she knew it she was cornered down an alley. She saw a swarm of drones aim at her and she was out of bullets. She cursed under her breath but saw them enveloped in a red mist she recognized. Suddenly the robots split in half and Wanda was standing at the end of the alley smiling. She gave a simple nod looking towards Mila._

 _"Long time no see." Her accented words were actually comforting to Mila. She walked over to the woman who had messed with her mind, what was it, just over a week ago?_

 _"Miss me?" Mila asked. Wanda smiled._

 _"You have an interesting mind that's for sure." Mila sighed and squeezed her shoulder._

 _"Wanda, you're hilarious." Mila knew better than to be mad at Wanda for what Struker forced her to do. She knew all to well what it meant to be compelled by Hydra to do their bidding._

 _"I get it from my brother." The pair began walking around to stop more robots and save citizens trapped in the rubble. "He still talks about you. Saying how cute you are for an old lady." Wanda spoke using her abilities to move a large piece of a building where a man was crying for help. Mila helped pull him out of the dusty rubble and the man got up and thanked her before running inside another building for safety._

 _"I'll remember that later when I kick his ass." Wanda shot her an amused look before a thought dawned on her._

 _"Did you find him?" Wanda asked innocently. "Your Sergeant?"_

 _%%%_

Yeah her Sergeant. He looked so far removed from that man. Bucky was hardly that care-free optimistic man from the war. That didn't mean she loved him any less. Mila lowered her hands and as she did Bucky cocked the hammer back. Mila's heart thudded in her chest as if it could break the bones that protected it. She worried her lip trying to find the right words. She knew better than to beg him to change his mind. She didn't want to set him off and make him pull the trigger any quicker. She glanced down at the backpack she had moved to the kitchen and then back at Bucky. She could tell he was looking for the very bag because he was glancing around the room looking for something. She knew better than to assume he was looking for an escape route. He probably had at least eight already planned out. Bucky quickly unloaded the gun and threw it on the floor. The noise made Mila jump a bit.

Bucky pulled out a long blade from the back of his pants and tested the weight in his hand still focused on Mila. Mila took a sharp intake of breath knowing he was equally as deadly with the knife as the gun. Perhaps more so. Bucky took a step to her and she stood frozen in place. Running would be no use. The second her back was turned, her spine became his target, if not the back of her head. She had went head to head with him on more than one occasion and knew how he attacked. In any other battle she knew how to defend herself because she was armed. To prove a point she came in good graces she was completely naked in the way of defense.

Against her senses she slowly stepped to the side to escape from the protection of the kitchen island. She could see Bucky tense and the grip tighten on the blade. Mila now stood so Bucky could see her every move. A dumb tactical move and they both knew it.

Bucky's brows furrowed in confusion. He slowly melted out of an attack stance and looked around the apartment. Was she preparing to run? Perhaps she wired the apartment to blow. She took a step towards him and he threw the blade through the air and it zipped by Mila's face lodging itself in the wall behind her. Had she moved any fraction of an inch it would have struck her. She spared a glance back of the knife in the wall when she looked back at Bucky he had another knife in his hand and was a few feet closer. He was preparing for hand to hand combat.

"В следующий раз я не пропущу" (I won't miss next time). He warned mirroring words that the Red Sentinel had used against him in the past. Mila's lip trembled and a whimper escaped. She got his reference without missing a beat.

"I'm not that monster anymore Buck." She pleaded. In a few strides he had her pinned against the wall the blade to her throat.

"Then how'd you find me? Only that damn dog can find me!" Burning rage filled his words and Mila had never seen his eyes filled with this much hatred. It turned those blue eyes to ice.

%%%

 _Mila felt like she was breathing in ice while standing next to Steve and Natasha. Her two closest friends on this team. All three of them were covered in blood and dust. Mila had been fighting harder than Hydra ever trained her, because she was fighting to protect people, not destroy. She finally had a moment to catch her breath but it was in vain as they realized they would probably die on this rock._

 _"Not a bad way to die, I mean where else am I going to get a view like this?" Natasha stated looking out over the clouds. Mila couldn't argue that point, but her heart sank with the notion she didn't even get the chance to look for Bucky before it was ripped away from her._

 _"Like it? Well the view is about to get a lot better." Mila heard an unfamiliar voice from Natasha's comm before a giant helicarrier appeared in front of them. Mila beamed feeling something she had long been deprived of; hope. Instantly the team got together getting the civilians on the life boats. Mila was unaccustomed to so many people coming to her with the intention of being saved. They were thanking her and praising her bravery. She didn't know how to react to the strangers who saw her as a hero and not a lethal threat. For far too many years she was a weapon, a hunter, and a force of evil. Even the last five years working in the museum she felt like and outsider but right now she felt like she belonged alongside the Avengers protecting innocent lives even with all the darkness in her past._

 _Her happiness was short lived as she noticed a small toddler running with his family. His mother was carrying a baby and the father another. The little boy tripped and rolled out of the way to avoid being stepped on by the other civilians but was now about to fall off the edge of the city. Mila sprang into action and pushed past the bodies running her way. The boy screamed as the loose roadway below him gave way. Mila jumped and grabbed his arm and was dangling of the edge hanging onto a steel rod. The boy was crying but Mila pulled him closer. She sushed the boy and evaluated her she tried to pull herself and the boy up she would cause too much tension on the steel rod and they would both fall. She called out for help and the father came rushing back without a baby in his arms to help his son. The boy used Mila as a support to climb up to his father which was ok with her. However when Mila went to reach her arm up for the man to help her up the steel rod gave way. She began to fall down to the ground below screaming. The air rushed past her so fast she thought death would come any second. Then it all stopped. She saw Tony in his Iron Man suit carrying her bridal style back to the life boat._

 _"I think you were hanging around Sam too much. Thinking you can fly and all that." Stark remarked as he got closer to the boat. Mila couldn't believe how ironic it was that Tony would be the Avenger to save her when she ruined his life by killing his parents_

 _"Thanks Stark."_

 _%%%_

"Stark." Bucky's nostrils flared a bit remembering the name as one of his victims. His eyes found the floor then he looked at Mila his glare only slightly softened.

"Explain." He demanded.

"He reactivated the honing part of the device in my head. I still have control of my actions-"

"And you felt it was smart to come find me?" He said through gritted teeth. "You're not that dumb."

The corner of her mouth twitched up in a smile. "That almost sounded like a compliment Bucky." Mila felt the grip he had on her loosen slightly.

"Why are you here?" He demanded. Mila slowly and gently moved her hands but the action forced the paranoid Bucky to grab her by the wrists and pin them above her head. He never let go of the blade. "You do not move an inch!" She closed her eyes and nodded her head with tears dripping out of the corner of her eyes. She opened her eyes to see confusion swimming in blue eyes. He let go of her hands and dropped the knife by mistake. He examined how she stayed there with her hands above her head and found the scaring circling her wrists. The scars were puckered like the one around his shoulders. He wondered how she got them. He bent down to get his knife full of tension fearing she would attack him. Yet when he got to her thighs her shorts did little to hid the webbed scars running along the inside of her thighs. He had to stop and stare. He knew it was rude and that he shouldn't feel sympathy for her but in that moment he did. He looked back up at her and saw her brown eyes carefully observing his reaction. He also saw the sadness that danced in the dark brown orbs he once loved.

With little hesitance he slipped his gloves off and ran his flesh hand over the scars and saw how she flinched away at his touch. He noticed a tear fall to the ground and looked back up at her. Bucky stood immediately. This wasn't a monster. This was a victim like him. He didn't know how to react to the fact she had clearly been tortured.

"What...who? How?" Bucky asked using a metal hand to hold her chin up. Rage flashed over her face for a moment and Bucky backed up afraid he had fallen for another trap.

"HOW?!" Just one word sent shivers of fear down the spine of the former assassin. Bucky noticed the pain in her face as she went on. "Rumlow took his five years of revenge out on me in eight hours! He raped me in every cruel way he could!" She was yelling not caring that the door was open. Bucky didn't have a monopoly on feeling betrayed. "That bastard marked me and left me in a ruined disgusting state to sell off to Von Struker!" She walked towards him her fists balled. "I was a scientific play thing! He ruined two other kids life with my blood!" Hysteria wasn't enough to describe Mila's state. "Then the witch I helped create showed me my worst fears for weeks on end! You holding me down while Rumlow had his way with me! And why did all this happen?" If Bucky was afraid of her attacking him earlier it was nothing compared to the fear and heartache he felt now. This feeling was paralyzing. "Because you believed that sick bastard! How in the hell could I ever betray you!? I love you and I was going to marry you! That doesn't go away! But you know what the worst part was?" Bucky took in a deep breath preparing himself for another lashing. "Even when he was beating me, torturing me into talking, ripping me apart with himself and other tools, and whispering how I was his, all I could think of was how I'm going to die with you hating me!" Mila stepped back and took in a few deep breaths to calm herself. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She didn't realize how much she felt betrayed by Bucky. Finally expressing it made her feel relieved.

They both stood in the looming silence trying to figure out how to move forward from this. Bucky looked at the floor and bit the inside of his cheek. It wasn't his fault. No it was. How could he know who to trust? After years of her hunting him down how could he know if Rumlow was telling the truth? How could she blame him? But it was his fault since he put no faith in the woman he had confessed his love to. He looked back up to Mila with his own tears in his eyes.

"How can you blame me for running?! I've spent the last 70 years as a pawn for Hydra and all of a sudden I'm supposed to know when I'm being lied to and when I'm not? I went with what was logical and I ran! I couldn't go back to being a mindless machine-"

"And I could?" Her words hurt him and her whole body trembled. "Maybe they did ruin you for good. The Bucky I know would have never betrayed me like that." Bucky clenched his fists and slammed in into the nearby kitchen island.

"What was I supposed to do?! What would you have done?!" He glared over at her and she looked at him in disbelief.

"I would die to protect you." She stated. "Looks like the favor wouldn't be returned. You left me for dead." Her statement made Bucky shake his head. He didn't see how this was entirely his fault. Did she not see how much it was her own fault? His anger overrode his common sense and he blurted out his feelings.

"Well at least Rumlow could tell me the truth about your past!" Mila felt a lump rise in her throat and her eyebrows rose in shock.

"Maybe it would be better for your conscience if you woulda just pulled the trigger when you came in." She stated walking back to her own apartment next door to get away from him. She couldn't believe what he said. Did she not make it clear why she kept the truth from him? She walked into her own dank apartment and flipped the light on to pack. She tried to slam the door behind her but it never shut. When she turned she saw Bucky standing in the doorway his hand against the door. His head was down so Mila had no idea why he was following her, was it to yell more or apologize? She hoped for the latter. "What the hell do you want?" She spat throwing her arms about. "Come here to rub in some more salt?" He walked towards her slowly head still down. "Or are you here to get your 70 years of revenge?" She could see his fists ball up but she didn't care. "You going to take your sweet time or make it quick like Rumlow?" Bucky's head snapped up and his face was red. "what more should I expect from a heartless assassin?" She turned away from him and walked to her own mattress to grab her bag but Bucky grabbed her by the arm and spun her around and forced her against the wall.

Seeing him this close she saw his face wasn't red from anger but shame. She poured her own salt when she thought he was going to. Looking at him now it was clear that being cruel had never been his intent.

"I'm sorry Betty." He spoke choking on a sob. He let go of her arms but kept little space between the pair of them. "I should of stayed. You were right. I betrayed you more than you betrayed me." His tears were flowing and he chewed his lip trying to think of how to properly express himself. He had never been good at it. "I saw you in the Cryochamber on the way to Struker's castle and I let you go. I thought you deserved whatever they would do." He looked at the floor ashamed of himself. "No one deserves what they did to us. I had a second chance to make up the wrongs and I let it go out of the spite Hydra left in me." His eyes were now getting red around the edges. "But please understand, every time freedom from them was near they sent you, the woman I love, to drag me back kicking and screaming. I just felt hatred towards you and fear-"

"Bucky I will never let them do that to me again without a fight."

" I know. But I can't express how sorry I am for what they did, maybe if I had held on a little more in the Red Room-" Mila put a finger to his lips.

"Buck, we'll hurt ourselves more reflecting on all the could bes and what ifs." Bucky gently moved her hand away from his lips

"Maybe we need to." Mila rose a brow in confusion . "You and I need to revisit our pasts so we can move forward. I've yet to have a moment to clearly think through my past. Now that you're here... maybe you can help?" His request was a whisper but the desperation for her forgiveness and kindness was loud and clear. Mila laced her hand in Bucky's metal one.

"If you'll let me after all I've done to you. I'm sorry I kept the truth from you." Mila ran her thumb across the metal plates.

"We let each other down," Bucky ran his flesh hand through her curly hair. It seemed to have lost it shine while they had been separated. "can we, I don't know how to put it." He looked around her apartment it was in as bad of shape as his was. She deserved a better place to be than this.

"Yes. Whatever it is yes." Her words gave him more comfort than he had felt since, well since the night in the hotel before they were separated. "I'm still pissed you left me." She removed her hand from Bucky's and guided his hand out of her hair. "So you're not getting off that easy, but I came all this way to find you, because in all my life you're the only constant. The only thing that made any sense. And if you forgot; I'm the nurse assigned to help Sergeant Barnes' platoon and seeing how you're all that's left…I better take damn good care of you." She spoke cupping the side of his face.

"You've always been so good to me when I don't deserve it. I will make it up to you, but you also kept the truth from me. No more secrets." He said wrapping her in a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she tucked her face in the crook of his neck.

"I promise." She whispered before pulling back to kiss him on the lips for everything she was worth to seal her words.

* * *

 **AN: Please review to let me know what you thought of this chapter or even how the song fits with this chapter.**


	34. Sudden Anxiety and Sisterly Advice

_I know I let you down, didn't I_

 _So many sleepless nights where you were waiting up on me_

 _But I'm just a slave unto the night_

 _Now remember when I told you that's the last you'll see of me_

 _Remember when I broke you down to tears_

 _I know I took the path that you would never want for me_

 _I gave you hell through all the years_

 _I've been around the world and never in my wildest dreams_

 _Would I come running home to you_

 _I've told a million lies but now I tell a single truth_

 _There's you in everything I do_

 _\- Imagine Dragons "I Bet My Life"_

* * *

Mila and Bucky slept in their own apartments that night because as much as they craved proximity, Mila still needed space and Bucky wasn't used to having anyone around. Yes some contact here and there was alright but she was afraid she would wake up in the middle of the night with Bucky too close to her and she would attack him mistaking him for Rumlow. Both slept better than usual and Bucky kept up his routine of waking up at 4:30 but Mila slept in. When she woke up almost five hours later she figured she would consolidate the belongings of the two apartments to Bucky's. Mila preoccupied herself with that task most of the day. She then took it upon herself to do more cleaning around the apartment. From organizing to laundry she wanted this place to look more home like than some man just slept here. She figured it probably never crossed his mind to do all the domestic work. When she looked in his fridge she found a take out sandwich a couple of candy bars and a half full carton of milk.

Letting out a long dissatisfied sigh she closed the door and pulled some of the money out of her bag to run to the store down the street. She was down to Stark's last three thousand dollars. She spent most of the money getting a passage to Europe and getting people to give her tips about the Winter Solider. A grueling and dangerous couple of days to get pointed the right direction but she found him by herself for the most part. Most of the underground scum community believed Bucky was dead. Which worked out well for the pair of them. That almost meant she could get comfortable in Bucharest living with Bucky.

It took three hours to fill eight canvas bags at the store. She got mostly things that would keep a while but also some fresher produce and meats. She kept her socialization to a minimum and prayed the grey overcast didn't pour down on her. Climbing the twelve flights of stairs with all the bags wasn't the most unbearable thing she had even done, that's for certain. However it was definitely a daunting task. When she got to the apartment she set the bags down with a loud thud in the hall and walked to her now empty apartment to grab the key Bucky gave her last night in case she changed her mind about sleeping alone. It was a kind gesture because they both knew how bad the nightmares could be when you've suffered like they have.

She opened the door and flung it open in one swift movement so she could begin to carry in the bags. After setting two bags down on the table she heard the shower running and when she turned she saw Bucky tucking something into his towel behind his back. His body still had soap suds on it and a few locks of his dark hair clung to his scruffy face. If the past few months hadn't happened she would have jumped him right there. But the thought of being physical with anyone repulsed her right now.

"So, you liked me place more?" Bucky finally said filing in the uncomfortable silence. Mila cocked her head to the side.

"Depends. You always going to try and shoot me when I come in?" Bucky's jaw tightened. "I assume that was a gun you tucked back there." He exhaled deeply through his nose and reached behind him. He threw the weapon at Mila who caught it with ease.

"I'm not exactly used to guests." Mila smirked and set the gun on the table.

"Yeah me neither. Can't blame ya." Mila walked closer to Bucky and his heart was pounding in anticipation with all the thoughts of what she could do to him in this nearly naked state. Then she turned to the hall to continue carrying in groceries. Bucky didn't understand why he was so disappointed in her lack of attention or action. His brows knitted together in confusion and he went back to finish his shower. He already wasted enough hot water by standing out in the apartment. While rinsing he couldn't help but notice how he was sailing half mast and wondered how that woman had so much power over him. However he noticed how she didn't let her gaze linger, didn't make a snark comment about his half nude state, nothing like the flirtatious gal he remembered. Something was wrong and his heart sank going over all the possibilities of what happened after he left her to fend for herself.

He stepped out of the bathroom and wandered slightly around the apartment looking for where his clothes had been moved to. He managed to not disturb Mila who was working furiously in the kitchen. It made him stop for a moment just to absorb the normalcy of the scene. She was cutting something up and slightly humming while she worked. The corner of Bucy's mouth tugged into a smile and then it hit him that this was only temporary like everything else in their life. He cleared his throat making Mila angle her head slightly in his direction but it was clear she was still focused on making dinner.

"Uh, where are my clothes?" Mila suddenly stopped chopping and cursed. She wiped her hands on her pants and made for the door.

"I may have washed everything. I'm sorry" She spoke quickly darting out of the apartment. Before Bucky could assure her it was fine she was gone. Bucky hummed thoughtfully and made his way to the kitchen. Something was definitely different about her, it was like she was afraid to look at him for too long. Perhaps she was still pissed, a likely explanation. He really couldn't blame her. But if she was so upset why would she consolidate their apartments? Wouldn't she want her own space?

Bucky looked at the meal apparently it was some type of soup. His stomach gave a rumble of desire when the smell hit his nose. How long had it been since he had a home cooked meal? He walked over to the table and saw that she had cold items still in the bag. Bucky figured he might as well help out since he was sure to be eating some of this later. He settled on the idea that he and Mila would have a discussion about her behavior and try to start resolving the obvious tension between them over dinner. He heard the door open and turned from the fridge quickly finding Mila throwing a giant pile of clothes onto the mattress on the floor. She looked at Bucky like an oddity.

"What are you doing?" She asked walking to him.

"Putting away the groceries?" It came out as a question, maybe he was doing something wrong. Her question came off as some type of accusation.

"I'll do that, I want everything in a certain place." She said pushing him away from the fridge. He rolled his eyes and rolled out of her shove.

"Fine whatever." He grumbled. He went over to the pile and picked up clothes he had never seen before. He didn't remember owning this many clothes, ever. "Where did you get these?" He asked holding up an under armor shirt. Mila looked at the shirt then back to her cooking.

"I got them for you. Didn't know what you would have when I found you." Bucky dropped the shirt.

"I'm trained for survival in the most extreme conditions and you are worried about clothing?" He asked. Mila didn't turn around but he could tell by the way her posture straightened she was getting mad.

"Sorry I was being considerate about your well-being."

"Oh now you are-" Bucky cut himself off. He didn't want to poke that bear and start another argument. "Thanks." He said instead and grabbed some clothes to wear to bed. Normally he would settle for his underwear considering how hot the apartment got but since he would have company he figured he would be more decent. He dressed in the bathroom another thing throwing off his routine with her around. He shook his head. He couldn't figure out if having her here was good or bad yet.

When he got out of the bathroom this time the bags were now on the kitchen island and the aroma of dinner was much stronger. Mila was moving around the kitchen putting things in the cabinets and fridge with a determined look on her face. Bucky walked over and leaned on the island being supported by his metal arm.

"So, you think I won't notice or are you hoping I'll let it slide." He stated. Mila stopped and looked at him curiously.

"What are you talking about?" Bucky scoffed and shook his head not believing she was going to play dumb with him.

"Really?" He asked his face scrunching up as if to insult her for asking a ridiculous question. She stood defiantly but the pained look was in her brown eyes as she waited for Bucky to explode. "What is this domestic thing," his arms waved gesturing to the whole apartment. "You're trying to either distract yourself form something or you're forcing a recovery and you know it doesn't work that way. And you're little," He offhandedly waved at the groceries. "Everything in order with the food. You know this is my apartment right? The clothes," His thumb jabbed back at them. "The hell is that about? Like I don't know how to live on the run. Now I may not remember you to a tee but I know you're acting fucking strange." He said crossing his arms. Her shoulders slumped slightly.

"I just wanted to try and establish a normal for us. I know you want to live a normal life it was clear in your journal that-"

"Wait what?" He said uncrossing his arms so quickly he hit the counter with the metal arm putting a crack in the tile top. "You read my journal?!" His jaw tightened waiting for her confession. The look of guilt was clear on her face. How preoccupied with her own thoughts was she that she let something like that slip. She knew better than to let Bucky know what she had done. It was basic Red Room training to keep a secret and yet she let it slip because she was drowning in her own head.

"You realize that's why we're in this situation. Why we separated." Bucky took a step closer and pointed an accusing finger her direction. "Because you kept the truth from me and lied to me how many times? How many times did I say something about the Sentinel coming after me and you never said a damn word? So if you're just going to continue to betray me than get the hell out. I'm here to get better and try and be normal. I can't have this" He gestured to her forcefully. "Type of shit in my life." Mila was trying so hard to keep it together but the anxiety and depression hit her so hard so fast she fell against the fridge and slid down the down crying. She ran her fingers through her hair and held tightly onto the strands between her fingers. She felt like she couldn't breathe and that her body was constraining and trying to make itself smaller. "Oh don't even try and garner my sympathy." Bucky said walking over to her and grabbing her arms too rough for Mila's liking and held her up against the fridge. She snapped, her body was choosing fight in mere seconds. She forced his arms off of her and pushed him back against the counter. She glared at him and he made to charge her again but she quickly tucked to avoid him which caused him to fall into the fridge door where she previously was. He turned and looked at her and she wasn't so sure that the Winter Solider wasn't coming out. He took three commanding steps her direction and she ran to stand on the other side of the island. The space was much needed for Mila.

"Stop it!" She yelled at him. He seemed to calm down a bit at her words but the tension was still there.

"What's the fucking end game here Mila? You know what, I don't care. I'm going out. Don't follow me." He said looking through the pile of clothes for something to cover himself up more. Mila stood still as a statue as he aggressively put a long sleeve shirt on and pants. But when he sat down at the table to put his boots on Mila walked over to him and kneeled in front of him. He stopped tying his boots and rested his forearms on his thighs to acknowledge her. "WHAT?!" The volume was quiet enough, but the venom was clear.

"Please stay." She choked out. "I read your journal yes, I lied to you for nearly a year about my past, I have lived a life time of fucking regrets and I keep screwing up because it's so obvious how broken I am and... I was just dying to have a normal routine. But everything the past few months that's gone down, I haven't recovered. It was just three weeks ago that I was freed from Von Struker's castle. Bucky I've been through things you'll never understand. I don't mean to be a burden." She bowed her head and Bucky slowly grabbed her chin so she could look him in the eyes again. He needed to be very clear with what he said next.

"I understand you are suffering. I'm not dumb. What I don't appreciate is the lying and deceit. That's Hydra's business and I won't have it in my place. You are not by any means a burden, a pain in the ass right now maybe." Mila noticed the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth and it made her heart skip a beat. So he wasn't entirely pissed at her. "You and I need clear communication if you want this to work. I also need you to acknowledge my privacy and when I need space. I've respected yours and will continue to do so. I know you've been through some shit so I'm going to restrain myself but I expect that respect in return. I've been on my own for five months now, I don't need you to hover or baby me. You get me?" He put calmly. Mila nodded her head and he let go of her chin. "Ok, go take a shower and we'll eat dinner like normal people do." Mila got up and left Bucky out there alone as she made her way to his bathroom.

Bucky leaned back in the chair and absently drummed his fingers on the table. He wondered how long this could work, two sticks of dynamite with lit fuses cohabiting. He began to dwell on how things would have been post war. Would they fight like this? Probably not. Letting out a long exhale he suddenly remembered dinner on the stove. He got up and checked it hoping he wouldn't ruin dinner because it smelled amazing.

Mila sat in the bathtub letting the shower water hit her and she tried to control her breathing. She didn't remember ever being so broken and unstable. Not even when Natasha freed her mind nearly six years ago. Maybe because everything those 70 years was out of her control and these past few months were something she could have prevented. The water was running ice cold at this point and she was thankful she actually got cleaned up before the water changed temperature. She turned the water off and got out cursing under her breath when she realized there was only one towel and Bucky already used the damn thing. She shivered in the room and looked in the narrow cabinet beside the shower to get out her small collection of clothes.

She threw on a t-shirt and shorts knowing how poorly air circulated in these apartments. She would be warm within the hour. She walked out to the living area and saw Bucky stirring the pot on the stove. Shit how could she have been so dumb to leave dinner alone. She put her fingers to her temples and winced. Why was she being so stupid? How the fuck did she manage to survive on her own the past three weeks? Was Bucky making her brain go on the fritz? She inhaled as deep as she could and walked towards Bucky trying to push away the small worries she had. She knew how anxiety could effect her and she needed to be strong so the pair of them could work things out.

She stepped on a creeky board and Bucky turned. She saw him take in a deep breath and swore she saw a slight blush before he turned back around. Mila tilted her head curious about his reaction and walked beside him cautiously.

"I think it's almost done." He said with a side glance her direction. If Mila wasn't so carefully trained she would have missed how he was gripping the wooden spoon tighter.

"Let me see." She said nodding her head to signal for Bucky to move over. He complied and she took a spoonful out to sample. He was right. A few more minutes and it would be done. "Yeah, sorry I forgot all about supper-"

"Mila it's fine. I got it." He spoke softly. Mila smiled at him and he held back a groan. She had no idea what she was doing to him in her state. Bucky didn't even realize he had such pent up desires. How long had it been since he had been with her. He shook his head. He can't think of her like that for so many reasons. She had lied to him, they needed to re establish trust, but most important it was clear she was working through the demon of Rumlow's hands on her body. But she smelled amazing and looked even better. Not to mention her shirt was doing little to hide her physique. Bucky, with more force than necessary, grabbed to bowls from the top of the cabinets and put them on the counter. God he needed distance from her. He went to the bathroom and realized how dumb that was. The smell was stronger in here and as much as he tried to fight it he still inhaled it as through his life depended on it. Vanilla and lavender. A unique mix he associated with good times and no violence. He groaned and knew his mind and heart were doing that same tango of how to view Mila now, as if it were one of his dreams. He rolled his neck hoping the blood flow would put his head on straight and walked out to find Mila placing two bowls on the table.

She looked worried but when she sat down she hid it well as if back in the Red Room emotionless. Bucky sat across from her and smiled. He knew their dinner conversation would not be a pleasant one, but he wasn't about to back down now. He knew he needed to address things now before they got to far into this... whatever it was.

"So, how long would you have kept the truth from me?" Bucky asked before taking a bite of food.

Mila quickly swallowed and looked down at her bowl. "Remember New Year's?" She glanced up to see him focused intently on her and give a slight nod of the head. "Remember me acting, kinda strange then." Bucky sat back in his chair and thought about it. Now that she mentioned it she was acting hesitant in many of her actions. "I kept thinking that night, 'god I need to tell him' but you were just so happy from the past week and that night you were enjoying yourself. I didn't want to ruin in. I promise I intended to tell you the next day. I am sorry. There was no good reason to hide the truth for so long." Mila pushed her soup around in her bowl absently not feeling the least bit hungry anymore. Her attention was on the food alone, she didn't want to see how Bucky was reacting.

"And Rumlow…" Mila winced at the name and her skin felt like it was crawling. "He didn't set up a trap. Look I have a hard time believing you. Things still line up pretty well that you were working for Hydra." Mila got up from the table and Bucky made a motion to follow her but she pointed his direction with such sternness that he stayed in his seat. Mila went and dug through a backpack next to the mattress and came back to the table with two envelopes. She tossed them at Bucky and patiently waited for him to open them. Bucky tore into the letters and began reading.

 _To my favorite idiot brother,_

 _Your dearest sister who is sitting in a D.C. nursing home would like to express how deeply upset you've made me. It's not because you've neglected to visit me after numerous suggestions from my friend Betty, nor is it because you refuse to contact me to let me know you're alive. It's because you have harshly misjudged the woman who has loved you through every facet of her life and when she was helping you most you betrayed her. Yes, she told me everything that happened and she kept a truth from you. But what more has she done? Can you blame her? You and I both know how well you deal with people who keep things from you. I still remember how you beat up Fredrick on Asher St when he refused to tell you where he took Steve on his birthday when he got black out drunk. I can image you are upset with her but I can assure you she had good reason and you owe her an apology. So instead of continuing to punish her for trying to help you, why don't you ask her what happened the past five months?_

 _My point is Bucky you were deceived by Hydra into thinking she led you to a trap and I know her better than that. So do you if you think on it. Betty has been visiting me for the past five years in Brooklyn and helped me get into this nursing home with a Peggy Carter since your nieces and nephews are living in out in Africa with the Peace Corp. By the way they still think Uncle Buck is the coolest hero in their lives. Betty has been here helping me for the past five years when no one else was around. She told me about you and the things they made you do. I couldn't help but see you as a helpless victim the world turned their back on. But you know what, so is Betty and she endured coming to terms with it on her own. You had Betty to help you and to repay her you turned your back on her as well._

 _Make your sister proud and repay that woman for her kindness and forgive her as she forgave you. Because why would she come back to the man who left her for dead if she didn't believe in him? Now straighten yourself up, you're a Barnes gentleman, not a damn poor scoundrel._

 _Love always,_

 _Rebecca._

Bucky knew without doubt this was his sister. She used the same phrase their father always said to the lot of them. They were Barnes, just because they grew up poor didn't mean they needed to act like some scoundrel. They acted with all the manners and class of a more fortunate family. Bucky looked up at Mila who was watching him with sadness.

"Did you read this?" He asked. Mila shook her head.

"I just told her to help me. She sealed it up before I ever had a chance. I was just hoping for the best." Mila said. Bucky nodded slowly and folded the letter back up and got up from the table.

"I'm… I'm going for a walk. I'll be back. Don't wait up." Bucky spoke the words softly and walked towards Mila. He gently kissed the top of her head and grabbed a jacket and a gun and walked out of the apartment leaving Mila confused at the table. She followed him to the door and he turned and grabbed her by the crook of her arm gently wth his metal hand. "Mila, space." Her eyebrows knitted together because her mind was jumping to the worst conclusions.

"Bucky you aren't...going to do anything stupid are you?" She asked full of worry. Bucky let her arm go and leaned in on the support frame in the doorway.

"Like what?" He tilted his head curious to know her answer.

"You aren't going to kill yourself are you?" Bucky let out a deep exhale and closed his eyes.

"I've thought about that a lot. Even more so in the past five months. And yet, here I am. I don't know exactly what has stopped me, but I think it's been my naiveity, I'm hopeful that I can outrun my past once and for all," He tucked back a piece of wet hair that was stuck to her cheek and she shivered. Be it a good sign or bad one he couldn't tell. "I promise, I'm coming back. I'm just going for a walk to think. You behave yourself." Bucky added hoping to get her to smile. She scoffed at him rolling her eyes.

"I think I should be telling you that, punk." She lightly punched him in the chest and the pair of them actually smiled and laughed for the first time in what felt like years for either of them. Yes, they had their share of laughs in the past five months, Bucky with his co-workers at the shop, Mila with the Avengers. However there was something intimate in their shared laughter it made thier chests feel lighter. It gave them both some hope that this mess they were in could get better.

Mila nervously bit her lip and Bucky looked like he desperately wanted to do the same. He closed his eyes and smirked letting the thought linger in his head.

"Good night Mila." He spoke softly.

"Night Bucky." She watched Bucky slowly, almost reluctantly, leave and begin a silent decent down the steps. She turned back to the apartment to finish her cleaning to get her mind off the fact Bucky was walking around the dark city by himself.


	35. Here it Comes With No Warning

**AN: TRIGGER WARNING RAPE. I included a flashback i long debated writing but knew that it made sense because you've never fully understood what all Mila is coming to terms with. It is in italized text after the letter. I also had to go back and read the parts with Rumlow and all i could think was damn, I put this girl though some hell. I am a mean author, i don't know how your hearts are still in tact guys. Leave a review.**

* * *

 _You came home last night and seemed far away_

 _I could not believe_

 _that you were alright with everything_

 _Night is the key that unravels everything_

 _When it all comes down_

 _And people tend to erupt without a sound_

 _I know you don't like how I feed_

 _But please try to remember it's natural for a thing like me_

 _Electricity is in my Soul- Steam Powered Giraffe_

* * *

Bucky walked the streets that still seemed to hold a steady stream of people. He expected it in the nation's capitol but still kept a sharp eye for anything out of place. He found his way to a park bench where he saw a few people running with their dogs and a couple finishing off a date. Bucky extended his arms out to rest on the back of the bench. The evening had cooled off from the day's heat and he took a few moment just to enjoy the weather. A simple pleasure he had been denied for many years.

After a relaxing moment, he looked at the second letter he had stuffed in his jacket and wondered what his sister said in this one. He flipped the envelope over looking at his sister's script. He felt so ashamed for leaving her without a trace. He never even thought to check-in on her. Bucky let out a chuckle. He wondered why when he met Mila in the museum and on the plane she was pushing visiting Rebecca so much. He saw it now, she was nagging him on his sister's behalf.

Bucky knew waiting would do him no good. He ripped the envelope open and pulled the paper out but other things fell out. He bent over and picked them up and saw they were photos. Unmistakably his sister aged, maybe 30 or so. But she was standing next to a man and there were two kids. He smirked, his niece and nephew. The other photos were of the twins Benjamin and Abigail. They were aged but standing alone. Bucky flipped the photos over and saw Rebecca's writing explaining it was their 25th birthday. The next was Benjamin in an army uniform the back revealed it was taken during the Korean War. Bucky made a note to look that up later. The last photo was a large group. His siblings and their families standing near a white cross covered in poppies. Looking at the back, they were at Bucky's grave in Arlington.

Bucky leaned forward and hoped no one saw the tears forming. The date was March 10th, 1967 when Bucky would have been 50 years old. His siblings never forgot about him. If they only knew what he was doing during the picture. Probably planning an attack on some innocent person thanks to Hydra. Bucky carefully tucked the pictures back into the envelope and began to read the letter.

 _Dear Bucky,_

 _Merry Christmas first of all. I hope Betty found you and she's keeping you in line. I truly hope you are happy this Christmas, I don't care where you are or what you're doing. I just want you to be happy._

Bucky leaned back against the bench. Yeah he was happy last Christmas. He was spending his time between the bedroom and kitchen with Mila. God what he wouldn't give to be happy like that in this life again. He glanced across the park in the direction of his apartment. He counted the stories from the top down and could tell the light was still on in his apartment. I'm ok Mila, I'll be right back. He thought as though she could hear him. He turned his attention back to the letter.

 _I know how dangerous it is for you to come visit, but please, find some way to contact me. I want to know from you that you are happy and safe._

 _The news reports have been terrible and so many journalists have come in to interview me. The staff did well to keep them away but I know they were wondering how I reacted to finding out you were an assassin. Joke's on them, Betty told me five years ago. I've been praying for you since. My children are off in Africa doing work with the Peace Corp so they have avoided the press. Don't worry, they informed me they still see Uncle Buck as the coolest hero they've ever poor son Buck thinks you're cooler than Captain America. If he only knew how big of a loser you were._

 _Bucky chuckled at his sister's jab and sniffed not realizing how he was tearing up more. How could he not even think to check up on his sister? When did he even remember he had one? Yeah the display at the museum mention siblings, but when did he actually put a face to a memory?_

 _Oh yeah, I should fill you in. I got married in the summer of '48 to a Robert Procter. We had two lovely children. Both named after the brother I lost, Jamie my daughter and Buck my son. Let me tell you, they may have been my children but they had so much of your ornery streak in them that I swear they were yours. They have their own families now and they tell everyone about you with such pride. Abigail married a journalist she met working as a photographer for the Times. Gregory is his name. Abigail died in '89, she lost the fight to ovarian cancer. Gregory moved out to Alaska to become a recluse. Benjamin was killed in action in 1968 in Vietnam._

 _There hasn't been a day we didn't think of you. You were always in our hearts Bucky. I raised my children on embellished tales from the letters you sent me as a Howling Commando. When Betty came into my life again I couldn't believe at first she was the woman she claimed to be. However when she described you so perfectly and shared stories of the War you wrote in those letters, how could she be anyone else? I don't know if she ever told you but we kept in contact after your death. We both mourned you for the longest time. Then in the spring of 1946 she stopped sending m_ e _letters. She told me that's when the Red Room took her._

 _Betty was kind enough to not spare a single detail like I know you would of. I know it would have been to protect me, but Bucky, I love you even though you are an idiot. Hearing what happened gave me hope that we might get you back. If Betty succeeds in finding you, as I suspect she would she's fairly stubborn like some other friend of yours I know, I hope she can heal you and I hope you forgive her for what Hydra forced her to do._

 _I included photos of your family in this letter. There's descriptions of who is in the photos and dates. Merry Christmas Bucky._

 _Love you,_

 _Your favorite sister Rebecca_.

Bucky stood up and took in a deep breath. Even before Mila had asked his sister to write a letter demanding he forgive Mila, Rebecca was already asking that of him. Rebecca believed in the goodness of Mila and something in him ringed that Rebecca was always right about a person's character. He always trusted his sister, she was a pain in the ass but always put his faith in her. Bucky looked back to his window across the city streets and he smirked. Mila was still waiting up for him. He should have known better. Of course Mila would worry about him. Bucky had all the confirmation he needed, Mila was right. She never betrayed him, it was never a trap. Mila was always looking out for him that hadn't changed in over 80 God he had his sister.

Bucky began walking back to the apartment and unsurprising he saw light leaking out of the crack of the bottom of the door. Bucky opened the door and saw Mila cleaning up the pot from dinner and seeming so unaware of him. Bucky hesitated. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and apologize for being an ass but that would only cause a bad reaction he was sure of that.

"How was your walk?" Mila asked. So she had apparently noticed him.

"Good, what are you still doing up?" He walked over to her and leaned against the counter.

"I may have worried about you a little." Mila said looking over at him letting the sponge drop in the sink. Bucky pursed his lips and nodded.

"Figured. You should stop that. You'll give yourself a heart attack or something." Mila's mouth twitched into a smile unsure where this happy mood came from. She put her hand on her hip and looked him up and down.

"Are you alright?" He shrugged.

"Read the other letter from my sister. She cleared up some doubts I had. Turns out my younger sister is still much wiser than me." Mila nodded slowly wondering what that meant. Bucky slowly reached out for the hand on her hip and laced his fingers in hers. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you. What you did... it makes sense to me now. And thank you for everything." Mila squeezed his hand and put her head against his chest. Bucky cautiously ran his metal hand up and down her back. Bucky's heart was racing, she started crying what he assumed were tears of joy.

"Why couldn't you have done that five months ago?" Mila asked and Bucky realized she may have not been as happy as he thought. Bucky pulled back and looked at her face. She was clearly upset. "Why would you believe Rumlow though? Did I not make it clear in my every action how much I cared for you?" Bucky sighed and looked to the floor. He nodded over to the couch on the other side of the island.

"Let's go sit down and talk ok. I'll make some coffee." Mila nodded and walked to the couch and tucked her feet under her facing the other arm of the couch. She watched Bucky move almost on autopilot as he made coffee. He got out a mug and a thermos. The coffee started dripping into the pot and Bucky leaned against the counter arms crossed looking at Mila He didn't know what to say to her. Any small talk seemed asinine. He nervously drummed a finger against his bicep and looked at the floor instead.

"How uncomfortable does this make you?" Mila asked observing his little ticks of nervousness. He shot his head back up ad shook his head.

"I'm just concerned about you." Mila gave him a pointed look.

"Again my previous statement stands." Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes. He was trying to be civil damnit. He was trying to reach out and help her like she helped him. Could she stop swatting him away like a wounded animal?

"Want any cream of sugar dear?" He said turning away from her and hoping the coffee was nearly done.

"Surprise me." She stated. Bucky let out a breath through clenched teeth. This woman could be a real pain when she set her mind to it, just like he remembered from the war. Bucky poured her cup and poured some milk in it from the fridge and set it on the island where she could reach it from the couch. She didn't bother to touch it as Bucky filled his thermos. He set down on the couch facing forward and trying to avoid Mila's gaze. "Well..." Her word pushed for Bucky to start the inevitable conversation.

"If I had known what would have happened-" Bucky began before Mila scoffed cutting him off. He stood in a burst of rage. "What? I am trying to help you-"

"You don't even know with what! You're running on your imagination. You don't know what I endured. That should of been your first question." Mila demanded. Bucky exhaled through his nose and sat down on the mattress across from Mila. She turned sitting cross legged on the couch.

"What happened after I left you behind?" Bucky spoke locking eyes with Mila. She took in a deep breath. She knew how painful it was to relive those months but she needed to tell the story one more time.

" _You know you're always going to be mine now." Came the gravelly voice against her neck._

Mila closed her eyes and shuddered. When she opened them Bucky's eyes had softened patiently waiting for her to tell her story. "After you left, he locked me up in an interrogation room. He beat me wanting to know how to reactivate the device in my head and how I got free from Hydra's control. This one here," She pointed to a scar on her thigh about three inches above the knee. It was a white circle. "One of the first scars he gave me in that hell." She reached back to get a drink of coffee and continued. "He tried Stockholm for a while, but I told him it wouldn't work. I was then moved to another room. He injected some microchips in my spine that could shock me. They could leave me immobile. Compliance was the only option. I've never felt a pain like that until he chained me down the bed." Mila saw Bucky tense but she continued her heart rate speeding. "That was until he started in on the worst four hours of my life."

...

 _Mila was handcuffed to the bed in the white room and her pants were already thrown across the room. Her mouth was gagged with a piece of cloth that she was certain was chemical dipped. She couldn't tell what but it made her body feel weak. Rumlow towered over her running his hands up and down her naked body and Mila fought against the cuffs so much her wrists were starting to bleed from the broken skin. She was not going to let this happen to her again._

 _"Don't struggle, it'll only make it worse." Rumlow said unbuckling his belt. Mila twisted her body as much as possible but to no anvil. It did nothing but irritate her wrists more. Rumlow positioned himself over her body and started kissing her neck biting the skin much harder then necessary. "You still smell as good as I remember." He murmured. Mila tried cussing him out but the gag muffled her string of curses. She turned her head forcing him to remove his own from the assault on her neck. He growled against her skin and pressed the button on the remote. A quick shock weakened her even more and she began to let the tears flow from the pain. "Pretty girls shouldn't cry." Rumlow spoke wiping away the tears and Mila thrashed her head away from his touch._

 _Rumlow placed a knee between her legs but Mila used every last once of her strength to hold her legs together. If she just focused on that plus the extra strength from the serum should keep him from doing his worst. Rumlow seeing he wouldn't succeed smirked and it sent a shiver up her spine. Rumlow went back to the tactical gear he left on the floor by the door and he came back with a baton. Mila's eyes widen recognizing it as the same one that could stun an enemy. Rumlow used it on her when he first captured her and Bucky. She began to whimper as he walked closer and knew she wouldn't stand a chance if he did what she thought. Rumlow lazily dragged the baton up between her breasts and then slowly down past her naval._

 _"You know, I've only had one girl better than you. Want to know what was so special about her?" Rumlow bragged hovering the baton over her and pressing a button that let a surge of electricity flare up. Mila involuntarily flinched even though the baton was too far from her skin to do much. "Turns out she was a product of Hydra science. Recovered from a miscarried embryo... yours specifically." Mila froze. The confusion clear on her face. Rumlow smiled enjoying hurting her emotionally as well. The best part, all he had to do was tell the truth. "That's right, your month of of being with Pierce held a dual purpose. While he kept you locked up a his 'body guard' we tried recreating you. Her name was Leda by the way. She was a great double agent. Until your good friend Captain America killed her." Mila's heart pounded. Her head was swarming. She always miscarried thanks to the serum. But, one of the many times she did miscarry Hydra took the lifeless child and used her for their own evil plans. She remembered training a young lady years ago and nearly killing her because of how intense they trained. Her name was Leda. They fought how many times without knowing they were mother and daughter._

 _Mila began to sob nearly chocked on the gag in her mouth. She shook her head hoping Rumlow was telling her a lie. Rumlow tilted his head and nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's right. You had a daughter and she loved me. I fucked her every time she begged me to. What a damn shame she passed away. She could go for hours." Rumlow bragged making Mila furious. Before she could try and scream at him again he placed the baton between her legs and held the button for nearly a minute making Mila scream as her muscles went weak. When he stopped her muscles were involuntarily twitching but she couldn't control any bit of the movement. Rumlow seized the opportunity and placed himself between her legs. He plunged his cock into her and Mila screamed again. Rumlow groaned from pleasure and began to pound into her. Mila began crying there was no way of fighting back against him. "Damn, you feel great." Rumlow groaned slapping his hips against her and it felt like he was ripping her apart. Her muscles were still convulsing and that meant it was giving Rumlow a boost of pleasure. Rumlow had used pain to force her body to make this better for him. He grabbed her wrists as more leverage and plunged deep into her and she felt him come inside of her. She felt the blood from the cuffs trailing down her arms and felt the sticky mess spill out of her. She felt so disgusting as Rumlow caught his breath on top of her. "You know you're always going to be mine now." He said in his gravely voice against her neck. Mila closed her eyes, no training from the Red Room was going to take her mind off this._

...

Mila had her knees up to her chest with her arms tightly wrapped around them. She had her head down ashamed of what she admitted. She omitted the cruel secret Rumlow shared with her when she told Sam the story. Natasha was the only other person she told about her daughter. She figured Natasha was the only other person who could know her pain. She did't want to see Bucky's reaction either, he hadn't said a word during the whole thing.

"I'm going to hunt him down and make him suffer for what he did." Mila popped her head up and saw him standing up and moving to the small arsenal he kept in the bottom cupboard in t he kitchen.

"Buck, don't." She whispered. She slowly got up and stood behind him as he kneeled down pulling out every gun he had collected. She put a hand on his shoulder and he stopped and looked up at her.

"Why wouldn't you want me to go after him?" He asked baffled. She shrugged her shoulders.

"What's done is done. I don't want anyone else to get hurt by him trying to get revenge for me." Mila spoke quietly. Bucky rose slowly and carefully placed his hands on her arms. He scanned her face for any sign she was lying. But she was sincere. Bucky bit his lip and looked down at the ground.

"I am terribly sorry Mila. I did this to you and..." Bucky coughed past the huge lump that formed in his throat and continued. "I wish I could take back my actions. I regret leaving you behind most, out of everything I've ever done. I don't know how to ever make this up. Why would you come back to me after I let that happen to you?" Bucky looked into her eyes and she gently cupped his face.

"You idiot," She began. "Who else in this world can I turn to? You're Sergeant Barnes of the 107th and I'm your gal god damnit. I'm just some stupid nurse who always believes in the best when she's around her handsome officer." Bucky enclosed her in a hug and kissed the top of her head.

"You are the bravest and strongest woman I've ever known. I am sorry a million times over. Mila don't let me ever let you down again." Mila wrapped her arms around him and relaxed into his embrace.

"I won't." She whispered. Now everything made sense to Bucky, why she was so distant and miserable. Why she shied away from his touch and why the anxiety in her seemed more surfaced than ever.

"C'mon let's go to bed doll." He spoke in a gentle voice. "You can have the bed, I'll take the couch." Mila pulled back and Bucky anticipated her arguing wth him so he quickly placed a finger to her lips. "I slept there the first couple of nights I was here. I can survive to sleep on it some more." Mila let out a burst of air past his finger and smiled.

"You ruin all the fun of an argument like that you know." Her words were half way flirtatious but Bucky knew better than to continue the banter.

"Yeah yeah, I ruin everything what else is new?" He smirked that godsend smirk that made Mila fall in love with him all those decades ago and Mila could tell he was trying desperately to soothe her back to normal in any small way he could. Bucky grabbed her wrists gently and kissed the scarring around them. "I promise as long as I live Mila, never again." Mila willingly nuzzled into his neck.

"I know Buck." Bucky couldn't help but scoop her up and carry her bridal style to the sleeping bag and mattress on the floor. He felt like he needed to do anything and everything possible to make it up to this woman for what he let happen to her. Mila didn't protest but she did stop him short of tucking her in. "I'm not a child Bucky." She chided with a half smile. He nodded his head and let her be. Bucky took off the extra layers of clothing down to his boxers and laid down on the couch facing Mila. His legs hung over the arm of the worn down piece of furniture and he had to admit some of the support on his back was uncomfortable but he was certain it was nothing compared to what Mila had endured.

He watched as her breathing got slower and she seemed to peacefully find sleep. Bucky stealthy as possible went back to the door and locked it silently and went back to the couch. He wanted her to be safe, something in him clicked back into place that it was his duty to protect this woman against harm. That duty alone felt more right than anything had in a long time. He just felt sleep coming for him when a sudden tug on his metal arm startled him. He looked and saw Mila down on her knees beside the couch.

"Mila you ok?" He sat up slowly.

"It's going to sound dumb, but can you just hold my hand, please?" Bucky rubbed his eyes with the back of his flesh hand.

"Yeah, that's fine." Mila gave a small smile and slid the mattress down to be next to the couch and reached out to grab his hand.

"Thank Buck. Good night." She said closing her eyes.

"Night Doll." He said laying back down. Sleep came much quicker for the pair and it was dreamless for them both. A great rest brought forth by too much emotional stress in the day perhaps, or maybe the actual proximity of the other gave peace of mind that allowed for such sleep. Either way Bucky awoke refreshed at 4:30 finding Mila laying sprawled on the sleeping bag arm reaching out for him. He could really get used to waking up with Mila near him.

* * *

 **AN:yes the daughter bit is true. I won't focus on it much more outside of this chapter but it is an idea for another series I am writing. Its RumlowXOC but i did have someone tell me how they were not a fan of Grillo so I have been focusing on this story rather than The Rumlow one which is called Rewritten as a working title. Anyway, review. Much love.**


	36. There will be times when it rains on you

**AN: Thank you for your support of my story. But also I need to bring to light if it wasn't obvious, that as much as I want Bucky and Mila to be getting along and it all to be happy for them all the time, it can't be. Both are working past trauma and I imagine both to deal with it differently. AS anyone who knows me would attest, Mila is based off myself. So she deals with things by shutting out people and trying endlessly to work through it on her own in her messed up head. Yes, some support is nice and little gestures of kindness are fine but overall being by myself is best, but even my mom has stated that I can be in the same room as her but be mentally somewhere else. Bu** **cky is a bit more confrontational and can more easily outlash. By no means does this mean they can't get through it, it just means we are going to slowly get to that happy place we want for them. I feel I owe it to every survivor out there to not rush to make these two better 'just because'. I want these guys to be real. Anyway without further adue**

* * *

 _I know a love that keeps me calm in the storm_  
 _And keeps the blood inside of me warm_  
 _Wherever I go it never leaves_  
 _Like a suitcase of memories_

 _I know a love that's stronger than I am_  
 _It beats me up, and keeps me trying_  
 _And when I can't, it fights for me_  
 _..._  
 _Through scattered words and my mistakes_  
 _I hope you heard what I meant to say_  
 _..._  
 _There will be times when it rains on you_  
 _I'll be the life raft you can hold on to_

 _\- Knives - Matoma & Frenship_

* * *

"Good morning." Mila said to Bucky from the small apartment kitchen. He grumbled something inaudible from the couch. "What? I'm sorry, didn't catch that." Mila commented trying to flip an egg in a frying pan.

"I said, what time is it?" A yawn muffled his words but Mila figured them out easily enough. Bucky turned and looked at her but squinted at the dull overhead light above the sink.

"7:30 Sleeping Beauty." Bucky panicked for a moment before remembering it as a Saturday. The Mechanic's Shop was closed on the weekends.

"Rich coming from the woman who sleeps in til 10." Bucky stated before he fell back on the couch and closed his eyes. The past two weeks Mila and Bucky fell into a new routine. Bucky would leave for work and Mila would preoccupy herself with the normal tasks of housework and attempting to archive things about Steve so Bucky could try and remember his life before the war. So far she had about eight news clippings from the local library's digital files but nothing Bucky couldn't already remember about the icon his friend became. Mila even became so desperate to hack into the old Smithsonian databases she once had access to, to get more information.

However the weekends were reserved for relaxing. Mila demanded it. Bucky didn't argue with her, he avoided fighting figuring they had enough the first two days she came to him. He didn't realize how much he would miss the solitude he established. It was nice to have her around but, he constantly worried about her and sometimes she would be so quiet he would forget she was around. It often led to him nearly attacking her. But he restrained so may of his actions.

The nightmares had came back in full swing for the pair of them but Bucky didn't know how to comfort Mila when she started thrashing in the sleeping bag. He would usually walk out onto the concrete balcony when she had those nightmares and stay out there until it was time for him to leave for work. What would happen if he startled her in the middle of a nightmare? He knew he reacted violently when Mila would comfort him. It would take him a while to become reoriented afterwards. Bucky couldn't stand the thought of Mila mistaking him for Rumlow after a nightmare and screaming at him like he sometimes did to her when he thought she was the Red Sentinel coming to turn him back in. God how he hated himself for thinking that.

She gave Bucky back his journal that he had started back when they were in Italy, hoping it would help ease his nightmare. Bucky thanked her amazed at how she was thinking ahead and taking care of him in every way she could. It added to the guilt he felt for everything she went through but anytime he offered to do something around the place Mila would shut him out. He had no idea how to repay the woman for everything she had done for him and his sister.

Bucky decided to get up and start a pot of coffee. As he got the grounds out of the cabinet above the sink he saw Mila's disaster in the skillet. He laughed when he saw she broke another egg and was making it scrambled. "Problems?" He said smiling. She sighed.

"Well we were going to have eggs over easy, but now we're having scrambled, again." Bucky snickered getting the mugs out.

"You think after the fourth attempt you'd have this down." Bucky recalled how she had been trying to flip eggs in the skillet every weekend for breakfast. They had yet to have anything but scrambled eggs. Mila gave him a threatening look which only made him ruffle her hair. "Let a pro show you." He stated getting an egg out of the carton on the counter. Mila scraped the scrambled eggs onto a plate and waited for Bucky to show his hidden culinary skills off. She leaned on the counter watching as Bucky looked so smug cracking the egg open. "It's all in the wrist. It's so easy." Bucky stated lifting the pan and when he went to flip the egg it flew too high and landed on the stove. Mila burst out laughing when his face dropped not understanding how he fucked up.

"C'mon it's all in the wrist." Her words came out between her bouts of laughter. Bucky set his jaw and turned the stove off.

"M'kay so it's more difficult than I thought." He stomped back to the couch upset that he couldn't do a simple task. "I'm just going to go back to bed and restart." He stated laying down. Mila crossed her arms watching him pout. She shook her head and cleaned up Bucky's mess musing in her head about how he could get so upset over the stupidest things. But then she could shut herself off when he was trying to do the kindest things, so maybe it balanced out. She threw away the paper towels and walked over to the arm of the couch where he rested his head ran her fingers through his hair. Bucky moaned at the gesture making Mila smirked at his reaction.

"I think you need a hair cut. It's getting too long." Mila mused continuing her tantalizing motions. Bucky pursed his lips and rubbed his beard.

"Could go for a shave too." He stated eyes still closed. Mila hummed in agreement. "That feels nice." Bucky murmured seriously thinking about falling back asleep.

Mila let out her own light laughter. "Well that was the point."

"You gotta stop spoiling me. I don't deserve it." Bucky opened his eyes and looked at Mila from his upside down angle. She stopped running her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead.

"Shut up Buck." She said quickly before running off to finish making breakfast. He hated it when she was so open to affection and then could quickly snap back out of it. Bucky sighed and rested his hands on his stomach. He was being serious, she should stop treating him this well when he didn't deserve it. A query entered his brain and before he could talk himself out of asking, he opened his mouth.

"You're making up for the past 70 years aren't you?" He didn't have to look at Mila to know she had froze in place. The tension was clear in the air. Bucky pulled himself up and looked at her from the other side of the island. Sure enough she had stopped mid pour into his coffee cup. She let out an exhale and finished pouring the cup before sliding it to him.

"Maybe." She pursed her lips together. "Or maybe I just kinda like you." Bucky sat up fully and grabbed the green mug.

"Just kinda huh?" Bucky asked raising a brow. Mila winked and nodded before pouring her own cup of coffee and turned to Bucky holding her mug out.

"You keep questioning me like that and I'm gonna have to demote that to kinda tolerate." Bucky rolled his eyes and took a drink from his cup.

"Oh I'm shaking." He deadpanned. Mila fixed their plates and set them on the island. Breakfast was ate in a comfortable silence. Mila enjoyed those moments. Sometimes one of them would snap at the other, a side effect of their mental instability. It could be that one snuck up behind the other or some other insignificant mistake. It assured Mila that they were both human but the tension shouldn't be there in a perfect world. But when had they ever experienced a perfect world? They met in the middle of a world war, what could they expect.

In the afternoon Mila sat on the couch and Bucky was lounging on the mattress next to it. Both were reading, Bucky from Mila's journal during the war and Mila her favorite book, Frankenstein. Bucky had readjusted and propped himself up on his elbows leaning against the couch. Mila moved her legs closer to her body rather than down behind Bucky and he turned to give her a confused look.

"You're fine." He stated gently grabbing her ankle and slowly caressed the back of her calf. She bit her lip and complied to putting her legs back where they were. This only allowed Bucky to shift his tantalizing move to her lower thigh where the scars ended from Rumlow. Mila tried to focus on the words in her book and not the reminders the scars held. Mila knew it was cruel to walk around in the summer clothes she stole from Natasha weeks ago and expected Bucky to hold back his every urge. Mila wanted him to act more, but she was so afraid of what could happen if they did too much. Would she see Rumlow's face, would her skin crawl, did her body even heal after everything, could she ever enjoy herself again?

There was no doubt what Bucky was doing made her heart pound in a good way, but Mila tried to ignore it afraid of the consequences. Bucky was just inwardly ecstatic that he could do one small intimate gesture without her flinching away. His desire to just touch her without the flash of fear in her eyes had eaten at him for the past two weeks. Part of the reason he would snap at her. He was frustrated that she sometimes was afraid he could be anything like the monster Rumlow was. He was trying every small thing he could to show how sorry he was but often felt like it wasn't amounting to much. Just like the book she currently held tighter than necessary, a gift Bucky picked up on his way home from work last week. She had thanked him but it still felt like it wasn't enough.

Before he pushed his luck too much he just let his hand rest right above her knee. Mila focused on the book not even reading the lines before her. The fear of her own mind slipping back to a dark day required more attention than the page before her. She couldn't let Rumlow keep winning after all this time. She hazarded a glance below the book at the webbed scarring that marked her thighs she didn't realize she started fiddling with the corner of the page, but Bucky did.

"I'm sorry." He said removing his hand from her leg and sitting up so his body wasn't at risk to touch her in anyway. Mila snapped her head up to look at Bucky and she seemed disappointed. "Space. I forgot." Mila looked like she wanted to say something but what could she say, sorry she was scarred mentally and physically? Beg him to continue and pray she didn't freak out? Mila settled for silence and brought her knees up to her chest and continued to read with a saddened look. Bucky tried to ignore it as he read about Mila's days in the army with him but it was just as if he was reading a work of fiction. Glancing at the woman who wrote with such joyous phrases about her love and deepest feelings it was as if she was merely a character. He almost wished he hadn't asked for her journal to help sort out his own memories. It was damn near physically painful to read through how much this woman in the journal and the one before him were so different. She had changed thanks to all the cruelties in her life.

But then, how much had he changed too? She wrote about this happy-go-lucky officer in the army and his charming personality. How she felt undoubtedly safe around him and now… it was nothing like that. What did he have to do to get something like what he was reading about? He was never much of a daydreamer when he was younger, or at least he didn't think so, but now he seemed to be enthralled in an endless fantasy of being this man that is so admired in the script of a blue journal he had bought 72 years ago as a gift of love.

"I know you're not him." Mila said breaking the silence. Bucky looked at her brow raised unsure of what she was talking about with her sudden comment.

"Frankenstein?" Mila looked thoughtful, while she knew he was being a smart ass he was right. She had been reading the part of the Frankenstien's monster's lament to his master. It led her thoughts to drift back to how she had compared Rumlow to the Doctor months ago. Both were deranged thinking they could shape the world and get what they wanted. Both expected sympathy even though they were the true monster. Bucky, he was so much like the monster in the book. He didn't ask for the life he was given. But he tried to make the best of it and in the corner of society learn about himself and the world around him. Even Mila could be tied to this damn novel. Hydra created her to be a counterpart to the Winter Solider just as Victor decided to create a bride for his monster. But Victor tore the bride apart in front of his monster. Hell, didn't Hydra do the same?

"I know you get upset because you think I can't stop thinking about Rumlow when your being affectionate, but I know you aren't him. It's just a lingering fear that-"

"Mila you don't have to explain yourself." He inwardly cursed himself out for making his emotions so obvious. "You've been through hell and came out alive. I can handle the cold shoulder." He smirked at the end attempting to make a pun and he earned a small smile from Mila for it.

"You've done the same," Mila continued realizing her meaning may not of been clear with his previous statement. "Been through hell and came out alive. I want us to get better so we can attempt normal but staying cooped up in here and walking on eggshells isn't helping." Bucky nodded thoughtfully at her suggestion.

"So you want to go out?" He asked unsure of how the thought settled with him. Mila shrugged her shoulders and looked as uncomfortable with the thought as he did.

"Not by myself." It came out as a plea. Mila knew being stuck in the apartment for the past two weeks wasn't good. She seldom went out by herself unless necessary. But to go out for the hell of it, well it gave her aniexty toying with the idea.

"M'kay" Bucky put Mila's journal away and grabbed a jacket despite the summer sun shining and his gloves. Mila felt giddy at the prospect of going outside and acting realitivly normal as she grabbed a couple large bills left from her stash. She slipped on her very worn converse that seemed to have been through as much hell as her and tied a hoodie around her waist. She didn't know how long they would be out. "Have you ever been to the park around here?" Bucky asked moving to the kitchen to grab a firearm to tuck in his pants. Mila wasn't even phased by the gesture.

"No." Bucky smiled excited he got to show her the old park which had numerous plants and flowers growing. He couldn't be sure but he thought the name was Cismigu Park. He sometimes took the long way home from work going out of his way to walk through the place. It was so peaceful there that it seemed to be contagious.

…

Mila's smile hadn't dimmed since she first saw the beautiful garden. As they walked Mila shared memories of the garden's her mom would grow at their home and the one her grandmother grew in upstate New York. She spoke slowly but not because she couldn't remember the good times, but because she was trying to translate everything into Romanian to not stand out. She recalled her sister trying to pick one of every flower at her grandma's to make a bouquet for their mom only to be yelled at in the scariest Russian by their her because they stole. She kept sharing silly memories of her family while Bucky just listened. He couldn't lie she had a way of telling stories that compelled you to listen with earnest. She could tell you how she watched paint dry and you would be waiting for her to continue telling the story.

They stopped at a vender cart somewhere along the walking trail to get some ice cream (that Bucky had to argue to pay for) and when they sat on the bench eating silently Mila noticed a sad look coming over Buck. Now that he didn't have her happy memories to preoccupy himself with he was thinking back to his own life back in New York. What was he doing with his own siblings while Mila was visiting her grandparents or getting into trouble with her little sister? He was drawing a blank. He remembered the faces but that seemed to be it.

"Buck, what's wrong are you alright?" Her Romanian words of care effortlessly falling off her tongue. Ironic, being how Hydra taught her the language.

"I can't remember my family before the war." The Romanian words sounded beautiful coming out of his mouth despite their sad truth. "I'm not sure I know much about Steve that wasn't from the War either." Mila chewed her lip nervously. How could she help him with this one? Bucky looked at her resigned, he knew it too. Mila had no contact with him prior to the war (minus the one baseball game where she doused him in a soda) so she couldn't help alleviate the stress of forgetting his own family. Bucky put on a false smile not wanting his own bad mood to ruin things. They were having a good time up until this point after all. "Remember when the Giants played the Dodgers July of '36?" Mila's face dropped unsure of where the random question came from.

"Uh, yeah." Her face scrunched trying to remember it more clearly. "My father took us girls to watch, but there were these annoying as hell Dodger fans-" Mila stopped her Romanian sentence before looking at Bucky with utter shock. "No!" She said standing up and smiling. The laughter was too pure and Bucky found himself smiling like an idiot at her realization. "That was you!" She spoke in English forgetting their cover in the irony of the memory. Bucky shared in her happiness. He was glad to make her smile. "You remembered that on your own?" Mila beamed.

"It was brought on by a reluctant train ride." He confessed. Bucky then decided it was his turn to share. Though he didn't have much to tell about his five months on his own, he felt like it was only fair to share his own struggle to find some balance and stay low while he tried to sort out his mind. Just a lot of running but he did share his interaction with the young girl on his paper route. How she and her family were so kind to him and then he had to up and leave them after some hit men found him. Mila intently listened to him but the look of concern was ever present on her face. Even though she was suffering through the time Bucky was describing, she seemed more upset that he was on his own trying to make sense of memories than what she went through. Of course from what Bucky read in her journal she had always been deeply worried for his well being.

"Sun is setting." Mila commented. Bucky bobbed his head in agreement and stood from the bench stretching a bit. Mila stood beside him and they walked out of the park arms linked like a proper 40's couple and back into the city. There was an ease of tension that was previously there. It was nice to just stroll now like a normal couple would have. Even as they passed elder gentlemen would tip their hats as a greeting and share a look with Bucky that was still the same despite the decades since he'd seen it. 'You lucky son of a bitch.' Bucky had to agree with the men, he was lucky. While observing the crowds though, he realized the way him and Mila were displaying affection was nothing like those couple he passed. They were hanging off each other or touching inappropriately.

"Is that normal?" Bucky nodded his head towards an approaching couple where the man was grabbing his woman's ass while she was nipping at his neck occasionally. Mila laughed and shook her head. She forgot Bucky was very very new to this century compared to her. She had five years to adapt to the new social norms of society.

"Yes and no. People are more open about sexuality than we were. Depends on the couple." Bucky seemed to consider this and made note to pick up on more social ques from people. Instead of focusing on who would kill him next, maybe it was time to learn how to survive in this century as a normal person.

"So, what do people do for fun?" Mila shrugged at his question.

"Never really had time for fun. After I got over the shock of having my free will and emotions back, I plunged myself into work at the University as a student. Then my professor recommended me to a friend at the Smithsonian and I stayed buried in work there. I did it to see how we impacted history and make sure things were being told right. I rarely went out for fun. My meetings at the VA were as social as I normally got." Bucky felt a pang of loss. She may have had more time to adjust to the times but she was almost at the same starting point as him.

"You never went out?"

"Nah, there was no reason to. You were gone. I couldn't exactly try and start a new life built on lies. If I couldn't find you I needed a distraction. Let me tell you, between you and me, I don't know who was the better kept secret from Hydra. I didn't feel like I could really heal people when I was so broken so I gave up on the Doctor dream and focused on something else I knew, the past." Bucky sighed and dropped his arm to lace his metal gloved hand in hers.

"Well let's do something fun. Something stupid. Something we woulda done after the war." Bucky commented and for a moment Mila could see her brave Sergeant shining through even with the long hair and beard.

"Lets go to a dance club, you can swing me around like you used to." Mila's words were remencent of better times. Bucky smiled the corners of his eyes wrinkling just the slightest.

"Sounds like a good time."

…

Well, it was a good idea. Neither began to think it was a bad idea until they got into the club and noticed how everyone was grinding on one another and the music was too loud. IT sent both of them on edge. They quickly left the club and settled for a bar where there was music yes, but much quieter. The dancing in the corner dance floor was still promiscuous but it was so much more relaxed here. The pair were sharing a platter of bar fries and drinking ale. They commented on the people around them wondering if any were a threat or not and also making fun of the drunks. It was the most relaxed they had been in a long time.

"Wanna dance?" Bucky asked finally gathering the courage. He had never in his life been afraid to ask a gal to dance. But this gal, she was special and she was trying to get better. Like those months after they found each other at the airport when she didn't push his recovery, he wanted to return the favor.

Mila set her bottle down and glanced at the dance floor. There were a few couple dancing more conservatively to the music but she didn't know what would happen if they danced like some of the other couples. No she pushed that thought away. Dancing was and will always be a intimate exchange between Bucky and herself. She never danced with another man after him. She would not taint this pure action with Hydra memories. "Yes." She grabbed Bucky's hand and pulled him out to the floor he barely had a moment to put his cap back on her head before she drug him along.

When they got there the music was unfamiliar but the action of holding each other close and moving in sync. Bucky tentatively placed his metal hand on her back and Mila took her own to press his closer. She knew he was being hesitant with his actions but Mila didn't want him to be. "It's just a dance pal, what's got you so shaken?" Mila said trying to use his Brooklyn accent he used to speak with. Bucky rolled his eyes licked his lips. He pulled her closer and she giggled a bit. He began leading her with the same confidence he became notorious for in Brooklyn. Mila fell in step with him as if they rehearsed the moves a million times. Bucky used the beat to dictate his moves but he was sure people were watching his out of time dance moves. Bucky spun Mila out and back to him and she placed her hands on his chest. Bucky noticed the twinkle in her brown eyes he hadn't seen since, well 1945. He also took noticed of how she was biting her lip baiting him into wanting to kiss her. Without thinking he claimed her lips and slid a hand up her back to lightly hold the back of her neck. When he pulled back Mila's eyes were still closed but their was a small smile there.

"It's just a kiss doll, what's got you so shaken?" He asked his Brooklyn accent thick. Mila fluttered her eyes open. Her brain was running a thousand different places. Many of them to cease comparing a kiss from Bucky to one Rumlow would give. She didn't feel disgusted by Bucky's action like she had anytime Rumlow's mouth was on her, but she still didn't feel right kissing Bucky after Rumlow marred her as his own. Bucky misinterpreted her silence as a negative thing not her trying to work her way out of a near mental break down. "I'm sorry Mila." He began before stepping away from her, but not letting go of her. "It was too much. I messed up." Bucky looked heartbroken and Mila looked at hm confused.

"You did nothing wrong. I was just thinking my way through things. I have not ever missed the opportunity to let you know when you messed up. I won't cease anytime soon. You are fine Buck. Just let me process things." Mila commented before walking back to the bar to grab her drink. Bucky followed and sat beside her.

"You wanna head out?" He asked his body language mirroring a kicked dog. Or rather he looked like the Winter Solider who failed a mission and was waiting for punishment. Mila didn't like that look on him at all.

"No! It's alright! I just can't have things like that happen so spur of the moment. It catches me off guard and I just want to enjoy my time with you." Mila placed a hand over his flesh one, but the warmth was lost due to the thick glove. "I know I can trust you Bucky. But I can't trust my own mind." Mila gave a resigned smile and let her hand drop back to her side. Bucky missed the contact instantly. Bucky could agree with her on that. Sometimes even at the mechanic shop when customers would come in to yell that something wasn't done right or it wasn't getting done fast enough it sent Bucky back to the hunter he was trained as to defend himself. He hated how his own mind could be triggered back to such dark times.

"We'll make it through. We always seem to." Something about the Romanian language enveloping the sweet promise made Mila feel giddy. She knew of course he was right. But it was going to take time. They could work through this bout of darkness they both suffered from if they took the right steps. Mila grabbed his hand again and draped it over her shoulder so she could go in for a tight hug.

"That we do." She mumbled into his chest before his own arms held her close.

* * *

AN: Thank you to McHaleinski author of Broken who gave me wonderful advice on writing a character facing trauma recovery


	37. Learn to Move On

**AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE! He gets a cameo for his birthday. yay. Please review.**

* * *

 _Somewhere weakness is our strength,_  
 _And I'll die searching for it._  
 _I can't let myself regret such selfishness._  
 _My pain and all the trouble caused,_  
 _No matter how long_  
 _I believe that there's hope_  
 _Buried beneath it all and_  
 _Hiding beneath it all, and_  
 _Growing beneath it all, and..._  
 _This is how we'll dance when,_  
 _When they try to take us down_

 _Let the Flames Begin- Paramore_

* * *

Mila and Bucky walked lethargically back to the their apartment with Bucky's navy blue hat covering Mila's waves. She won his hat in a round of pool they played at the bar. Bucky didn't mind it though, she looked adorable in the hat. The whole way back they were teasing the other about the game. Mila obviously cheated according to Bucky, Bucky was obviously a sore loser according to Mila. However that warmth and lightheartedness seemed to dim as they opened the door the apartment. Mila sighed and offered Bucky the first shower to which he agreed. Mila meanwhile straightened up the apartment even though it didn't need it. She just just always needed to be doing something. If she paused, then the memories would come back.

"Do you ever stop? You make me feel like a bum." Bucky's voice made Mila turn around and she wished she hadn't. He only had his boxers covering his wet frame. He was towel drying his hair and Mila kept her eyes glued to his not wanting them to go any lower and stir up thoughts that could be positioned by Rumlow.

"I like staying busy." Mila commented remembering what it was he said. She walked over to the bathroom and Bucky stood watching her arms crossed towel hanging around his neck. The mismatched arms on his frame were a beautiful mix, Mila thought, despite how much she knew he hated the arm. He smirked slow like a clever fox sending Mila's heart to a flutter.

"I could keep-" Bucky stopped and uncrossed his arms and literally threw in the towel. Well, threw it on the floor. "Never mind. I saved you some hot water." Mila paused at the doorway and looked at him with a sad smile. She wasn't a fool, he was a man she knew how that comment would have panned out.

"You know I'm not bashful." Mila spoke looking at the floor, her actions contradicting her statement.

Bucky sighed. He never knew how far to go. The kiss earlier was proof of that. "I know, but I'm not about to push you into anything." Mila felt guilty. She put him in this situation where he had to use so much restraint for something as simple as showing affection. Maybe if she could reclaim her sense of control, make the first move instead of him, it would be better for her. Pushing aside all doubts Mila pushed herself off the frame and stood in front of him confidently. She only took about four powerful strides to him but even the way she seemed to be on the prowl for just him made his boxers just a little to small. Before he had the chance to question her she grabbed the sides of his face, her fingers combing through the thick beard he was sporting. She kissed him full on the mouth the urgency for control clear in her actions. Bucky instantly wrapped his arms around her the cool metal making her shiver into him. She bit at his bottom lip and moved her fingers to tug at his hair. He moaned and let her tongue dance with his own. Bucky couldn't stop himself from grabbing her ass and pushing her against his growing member. Mila stopped suddenly pulling back and catching her breath.

"I did that." She said proud of herself. Bucky's eyes fluttered open and his mouth gapped open in a fish like manner.

"Yeah." He said breathless. He wasn't going to lie, her show of dominance had every inch of his skin burning for more. It left him confused but eager for more.

Mila held his chin continuing to comb through the thick beard a slow smirk forming. "That was all me." Bucky emerged from the fog of lust he was submerged in realizing why she was so proud. She was making a choice about her body and she was proud of it. Bucky slowly let his hands drop from her body and bit his lip. He didn't want to continue this if she was just experimenting her own limits. He had been without her in so long he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

"Ya, good job doll. Go get yourself cleaned up." He said half hearted. Mila let her hands drop and walked away closing the door behind her a little harder than normal. Bucky interpreted it as her being excited and he laid on the couch trying not to think of how that kiss could have continued.

Mila stood before the smudged mirror touching her lips with feather like delicacy. While she loved every moment his lips were on hers she couldn't help but wonder if he really felt the way he reacted after the rush of excitement had her doubting her moves. Was she too dominating in that moment. Did it remind him of the way Hydra controlled him? Worse was she forcing her affection on him like Rumlow had done to her? She sat on the edge the tub and tucked her head between her knees trying to catch her breath. Sure it felt good to have control of the situation but it wasn't fair to Bucky to be forceful like that. She mindlessly turned on the water and let it run while she stripped. She looked at her body covered in scars and thought about Bucky's.

There was no doubting it would be a draw on who had more scars, but why would Bucky want anything to do with her after Rumlow marked her as his. She ran her fingers on the ugly puckered scars on the inside of her thighs and looked at herself with disgust. How could she be so weak to let this happen to her? A knock on the door startled her.

"You alright in there?" Bucky's voice came from the other side. "Been in there a while." He continued. Mila's brows knitted together in confusion.

"What?"

"You've been in there almost an hour. Are you ok?" Bucky called. Mila felt her heart pick up speed. Was she really lost in her own thoughts that long? She really was going crazy then. In a frenzied panic she got in the shower.

"No I'm fine!" She called.

"You sure?"

"Yes!" Mila replied to quickly.

That night the nightmares were terrible for her, so bad in fact that Bucky needed to wake her up for fear the neighbors may call the police. Bucky hesitantly kneeled beside the bed where she was thrashing. He bit his lip knowing this would not end well for him. Bucky grabbed her shoulders and tried to hold her still. Bucky pulled her close to his chest and she only fought harder.

"No Bucky! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't let him do this!" Bucky didn't know what she was talking about but it broke his heart to hear her.

"Mila, I forgive you. I'm here to protect you. Mila please wake up. It's a nightmare." He whispered. She seemed to stop fighting as much but her heart was still beating frantically. Bucky could feel the vibration in his metal arm that was against her chest. "C'mon doll…. Please wake up. It's a bad dream." He pleaded. Mila stirred and then quickly broke out of Bucky's grasp crawling across the bed and looking at her threat. Bucky hated how scared and vulnerable she looked in that moment. Like a wounded animal. This is what he had been avoiding.

"Buck?" Her whisper would have fell on deaf ears if not for the serum in Bucky's veins.

He smirked. "The one and only." He boosted. Mila began crying and ran her fingers through her hair. Bucky moved closer to her and she shoved him away before he got to close.

"I'm going to take a walk." She asserted through her sobs. She moved to the cupboard and grabbed a firearm.

"Mila, it's not safe-" She turned viciously on him.

"I have killed over fifty men in my lifetime and subdued you dozens of time. I think I can fucking handles myself!" She snapped. She slipped on her converse and Bucky went to grab his hat and jacket. "By myself!" She said making him freeze. He slammed down his boot and stood intimating her.

"No!" He took a step towards the door. "You aren't leaving again. You don't get to runaway from me again." Mila glared at him. "Last time you had a nightmare and ran off you were captured by Hydra in Italy and I'm not having that again. You talk to me through my nightmares when I wake up, I'm doing the same for you." Mila let out a slow breath and sat back against the chair.

"M'kay." Bucky paused not believing that his demand actually worked. Now he didn't really know where to go from here. Another reason he usually left her alone when she had nightmares. Bucky sat at the opposite chair and looked at his metal fingers.

"What was the nightmare about?" Bucky fumbled over his words certain he didn't sound as consoling as Mila usually did.

"My worst fear. You giving me up to Rumlow because you thought I betrayed you." Bucky nodded. So that was why she was reacting the way she was.

"You know I would never turn you over to that monster right?"

"I know that. But the dreamworld is a little different. That witch in Sokovia, she kept showing me my worst fear by orders from Von Struker so every once in a while that vision she planted surfaces." Mila stopped and smiled. "We fought side by side at the Battle of Sokovia, she even saved my life. I guess she felt guilty for what she did to me."

"Well how considerate of her." Bucky joked making Mila give a small smile.

"Almost like she was a human being forced to do Hydra's bidding. I hear Hydra can be quiet cruel." Mila gave him a side glance seeing his smile even in the dimly lit apartment. Maybe her initial reaction of running away wasn't the best. In the same way she wanted to nurture and help Bucky heal from whatever haunted him, Bucky probably wanted the same for her. But why then had he waited so long to try comforting her? Maybe this was the first time he was awake to notice. Either way, Mila was vowing to make a better effort to stop building up walls.

….

"Steve?" Natasha asked from the quinjet hanger. They were both fixing themselves for landing chasing another lead on Rumlow.

Steve shook his head and put his helmet on. "Fine." He state simply. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"I know it's been four months since you saw her, but I am applying no news s good news to this." Natasha stated.

"It's unlike her to not make good on a promise. If she found Bucky she would have told me." Natasha stood in front of her friend and gave him a pointed look.

"Would she if it meant compromising a safe place for the two of them?" Steve strapped on his helmet avoiding her eye contact because he knew she was right. He was just getting stressed with Rebecca's health quickly slipping and no word from Mila. He can't believe after 70 years he got two days with her and then she vanishes for another four months. /it was like fate was being cruel to him. He was down to four friends in his world, two were in the nursing home, the other two god knows where.

"Let's just go find Rumlow and stop him." Steve's command was to refocus the mission. Not only for all the illegal things Rumlow had done the past couple months did Steve want to find him, but also for Mila. He wanted to punch him over 200 times and let him know it was nothing personal. Steve smirked a bit at his own joke.

"How did this dude even live through a building being dropped on him?" Sam asked appearing from the front of the quinjet. "And becomes a most wanted international criminal no less. Don't most people throw in the towel? Take a vacation of something?"

Steele shook his head. "One would think. C'mon man we gotta gear up. Landing in ten minutes."

"If we see him, I'm not afraid to shoot on sight." Sam spoke. Steve let out a deep breath.

"Unfortunately we'll need to take him in alive to interrogate him. After that, he's free game."

"Can't wait." They shared a smirk and went to gearing up for the mission ahead.

…

"Can't wait!" Mila stated full of sarcasm. Over the past four months they got no more intimate but Bucky was suggesting they take advantage of Mila's new job. In order to keep up with rent and other needs, Mila found a job cleaning up a local gym owned by some has-been weightlifter. She went in at night after the gym closed, it was a every other day gig and the pay was decent enough. Bucky brought up how out of practice both of them were and how they couldn't afford to be. Bucky just got done demanding they go in together tonight and go a few rounds in the boxing ring.

"You know it's a good idea." Bucky countered shoveling another spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. Mila gave a pointed look. They had already been practicing the escape routes in the early morning hours and going over the hiding spots of all eight of the handguns they had acquired. What more did he want? Obviously they could still handle themselves.

"I'm not necessarily saying it is a bad idea but it is a waste. We both can still kick ass if the occasion calls for it." Bucky put his spoon down and raised an eyebrow.

"This coming from the girl who nearly broke her arm last week."

"Ok, that was your fault! You said to tuck and roll on the roof. I tucked! Not my fault I rolled into the damn air vent!" Bucky slowly smirked.

"Just saying someone more on top of their game woulda noticed and avoided it." Bucky shrugged nonchalantly. Mila sighed knowing she wouldn't win this.

"I' going to make sure to kick your ass tonight then." She said going too the sink to clean her plate. Bucky smiled and finished his dinner thankful that she was at least talking more. She was starting to get the life back in her eyes and smile and he wondered if having the independence of a job was helping. Bucky was still waiting for her to go round two on her steamy demanding kiss from all those months ago. Of course he should be lucky that she was opening up enough to let Bucky share the mattress with her at night. She stayed wrapped snug in the sleeping bag and Bucky laid on his back making sure to keep space between them. But it was a nice step forward. She always kept her back to him when she slept and he didn't mind it as long as he got to be near her.

"So, your nightmare last night?" Bucky asked finishing his plate. That was another thing they both did now, talked openly about the nightmares they were having.

Mila shrugged and put her plate in the drying rack. "Actually a normal nightmare. I was on the battlefield back in '45. Mortars flying, soldiers bleeding and screaming at me to stop the pain. I couldn't get my hands to work right, I lost a lot of the men." Mila gave a small smile. "Beas the normal nightmares." Mila found the more she relived the experience in her sleep and talked to Bucky about it (sometimes in the middle of the night sometimes later that day) the more distanced she felt from the event. It became more a story every time. She still couldn't accept what had happened to her, the scars were there as a physical reminder but she began to see it wasn't her fault. There was no way anyone could have fought off the attack in her shoes. While there was no justifiable reason for his actions either, Mila began to move past it and let her brain log it as any other attack from a mission Hydra put her up to. It was easier to bear that way.

"Strange, I dreamed about the battle before we were captured by Hydra last night. The one where I got written off as dead by the army?" Mila licked her lips at the recollection of the past.

"Yeah, that damn army assuming you were dead. How could they? God, that was the worse night of drinking I ever encountered." Mila said. Bucky stood and held his fingers up, the metal one glistening in the apartment light.

"Wait you got drunk when you thought I was dead? Was it depressed drinking or celebrating?" Bucky smirked. Mila rolled her eyes. God she loved that he was turning back into his old self. Even if that meant he was being a smart ass punk.

"O you know the whole camp was taking shots glad to be rid of you." She continued to serve up the sarcasm he was. Bucky swerved around her and put his plate in the sink.

"If I remember correctly, there were a few of men who would actually do that."

"If you're talking about Lee and Ecker, yeah. They hated you." Mila stated taking his plate to wash. "Didn't like how you got a piece of ass when my nurses turned 'me down." Bucky cocked his head to the side. "They thought we were sleeping together." Mila said not believing she had to spell it out.

"OH. Duh, sorry. Yeah I can see how a guy can be bitter about an idea like that."

…

"Don't bleed on my mats, I hate the smell of the blood born pathogen kit chemicals." Mila's comment came off as a threat as she held up her hands clad in boxing gloves. Bucky rolled his eyes and crouched ready to attack. His hands were also covered in gloves as well as a long sleeve to make sure the arm stayed hidden. Even after Mila said no one would be in, Bucky didn't trust the odds. They were almost never in his favor.

"I can't bleed when you don't hit me." He said with a tilt of the head showing how confident he was in Mila's inability to land a punch after her months out of training. Shortly after his remark Mila took a swing at his gut hitting him hard enough to get his attention.

"What was that?" Mila asked ducking one of his blows. "Remember I was trained to be better than you." She countered and sideswiped him as he went to hit her again. Bucky landed on his back and Mila pinned him down with her own weight by straddling him. She put her gloved hands on either side of his head and leaned over him. "Whose the one out of practice?" Bucky smirked and rolled her over easily pinning her down and holding her wrists above her head.

"What was that?" He mimicked her earlier comment. While he meant this to be lighthearted sparring the sudden look of rage in her eyes made Bucky panic for a moment. She furiously freed her wrists and landed blows on his jaw making him get off her. She didn't stop once freed from the pin. Bucky blocked more blows she was delivering one after another and she tried landing a kick to his chest but he grabbed her ankle and pulled her foot up making her land on her ass. Only then did she seem to calm back down.

Bucky stood over her panting, he had to admit he was out of practice. "What the hell was that about?" He commented. Mila silently rolled getting up on her hands and knees. She sat back and took her gloves off throwing them across the ring and getting out. "Mila." Bucky called getting no response. He walked to the side of the ring and leaned on the ropes. "Mila c'mon." His request was boarder line whining. Mila kept ignoring him and went to the closet to get out her cleaning supplies. Bucky jumped out of the ring and jogged to her. He put his foot on the mop bucket holding her in place. "Talk to me." He begged. Any fool could tell something was bothering her.

"I'm fine. Go home. You need to sleep before you go too work." Mila never made eye contact as she pushed the bucket past Bucky. Bucky groaned and rolled his neck. He slipped off a glove and chucked it her direction hitting her in the back causing no harm. She turned around popping her her hip and setting her jaw in annoyance. "What?!" She snapped.

"You went from happy to pissed in a second what happened?" Bucky gestured to the ring behind her to spur her memory.

She shook her head and looked at the floor picking up his glove. "If you think about it…. It'll click." She threw the glove at him and he caught it before if could hit him in the gut. She began to work her body language screaming that she was done talking to him. Bucky took a few steps over to lean on a support beam in the building and looked at the ring turning the glove over multiple times as he thought. She was fine til he pinned her. Surely she wasn't a sorry sport because she lost. Then the truth hit him like a truck making his breath catch.

"Oh god." His exclamation was full of regret as Mila looked up from across the room. She heard him. Her look was nothing short of hurt. "Mila, I'm sorry." He said walking over to her. She put her hand up stopping him from across the room.

"Just go back home. I'll be over it by the time you get home from work." Her voice was flat and Bucky knew t respect her request. With a sigh he took the other glove off and grabbed his belongings before heading for the door. He paused at the door.

"Good night Mila." He called but she didn't respond.

…

It kept Bucky's mind going all day at work. He fucked up. He should have known better than to pin her down like that. Of course it would trigger her and she was doing so well to recover. A couple of his fellow mechanics at the shop asked about the bruising on his jaw and teased him about his lady beating him for not taking out the trash. Bucky joined in half heartedly telling them he got it at the gym. Of course it opened the can of worms of asking about his lady was doing. They learned a month ago that the glumly guy actually had a girlfriend but he never talked about her a lot.

"C'mon James, what is she like. She pretty? Good housekeeper? You never share the details." The Romanian pleading of his friend from the other side of the car made him shake his head with a smile.

Bucky started in on his Romanian which had gotten exceptionally better during his time at the shop. "Unlike the rest of you monkeys I treat my girl with respect. Call me old fashion but I don't kiss and tell." That earned some chuckles from the shop floor.

"What do you know about old fashion? My pops told me he learned everything about women from the soilder talk in the Rhineland." Bucky scoffed. Yeah, he knew nothing about old fashioned. When the Commandos talked about women it was never disrespectful. It was true they would talk about particular parts of female anatomy, but Bucky let the boys be boys. He never talked about his nurse Betty like that. He wasn't about to start because that was the new norm of society.

"Army guys." Bucky commented hoping they could turn the topic away from Mila. It worked they talked about some family who were deployed and their dad's war time stories. It made the work day fly by and before he knew it he was rounding the corner to his street. On the way he noticed a flower cart selling some daisies. It wasn't much but the couple of white flowers were all he could get. He was glad tomorrow was payday. He would spoil her tomorrow. He climbed the stairs and opened the door finding Mila nowhere in sight but the cushions from the couch were thrown across the room, some dishes were broken on the floor, and the mattress was flipped over. Bucky began to panic and threw the flowers on the table and went to check the bathroom before he ran around the city in a frenzy. It was empty as well and he turned around to go for the door way and saw Mila with a stack of folded clothes in her arms.

Bucky sighed. "Thank god." He relaxed a bit offered to take the clothes from her and he noticed the bandages wrapped around her knuckles. He also noticed she was covered in a thin layer of sweat. "Are you alright." She forced a smile.

"Just got done at the gym." She said walking over to the sink. "Thought I would get the laundry on my way up." She poured a glass of water ignoring the mess on the floor and leaned against the counter drinking.

"You just got done cleaning?" He asked going into the bathroom where a small standing cabinet held all their clothes. He emerged not understanding how she seemed so calm with the mess around here.

She shook her head. "I got done beating the shit out of the punching bag. Figured it gave the apartment a break." She casually gestured around. Bucky opened his mouth to say something but shut it just as fast. So there was no struggle but whatever she was wrestling with in her head. "I'm going to clean it up after I take a shower." She said setting the glass down and walked past Bucky. She paused for a moment looking at the flowers on the table. She smiled and gathered them up delicately. "These mine?" She turned to look at Bucky with hooded eyes her cheeks flushed.

Bucky felt like he was talking to a completely different woman than the one he last saw. "Yeah, I picked them up for you." He stuttered out.

"Thanks." She said patting his cheek as she walked to the bathroom. When the door shut Bucky's jaw dropped and the confusion showed on his face. He didn't know what happened while he was at work today but it was something strange. Figuring he could confront her about it when she reemerged, he set to cleaning up the mess Mila promised to clean up later. Mila emerged when he was behind the island in the kitchen picking up the broken plate. Bucky peeked above the counter and saw Mila in not but a towel.

"Uh" Bucky didn't know what she was doing. She walked over to the table and grabbed Bucky's maroon shirt he discarded last night before bed.

"I told you I would pick this up when I was done." She scolded walking back into the bathroom. Bucky put the plate pieces in the trash and waited for her to come back out. This time she was wearing her usual shots, despite the crisp September air starting to set in, and Bucky's favorite plum colored shirt with the only three buttons it had unbuttoned. Needless to say it was like she was trying to tempt him on purpose. The fair expense of her leg and illusion of the valley between her breast had him wanting to push past her and take a cold shower.

"What is going on?" He flat out asked.

"Well I got to thinking as I was cleaning the gym. I keep letting him win by letting his attack ruin anything and every thought. If I really want to get back, stopping him from plaguing my daily life and happiness it the way to do it. So I took out my frustration when I got home, and then was upset I used anger against him and myself to destroy our safe place. So I went to the gym and blew off more steam. I'm not saying I'm over everything he did, but like you being stuck on hating the Red Sentinel and not moving on to heal, i have to try. Betty wouldn't have given up hope and let something like this destroy her. I have to be strong and start making more of an effort." Bucky understood what she was saying and could relate in a sense but the change was so quick that he wondered if something else was driving her.

"Mila, I love that you are doing this. Trying to get better, but aren't you afraid you're pushing to quick? I mean just this morning you looked like you were going to kill me."

"Exactly. I don't want it controlling me. I am going to take control. Besides," She held the side of his face and stroked her thumb over his cheek. "I have been neglecting helping you try to remember your Brooklyn life. You and I were supposed to heal together and I've been selfish. It's unfair." She planted a kiss to his other cheek and his metal hand grabbed her wrist holding her arm touch that he missed close.

"You are the strongest woman I've ever known." Bucky kissed the inside of her wrist and pulled her in for an embrace long overdue. "I hope to be half as strong as you while your help me recover. But do not push yourself. Take every minute you need. I am more than willing to stand by your side as long as it takes." Bucky whispered.


	38. Black

**AN: Alas, without spoiling anything, I would like feedback on this chapter for sure. Because I'm working on an actual book and would like to use the latter scene in it.**

* * *

 _You know, my hands they know where to go, to find your finger tips_

 _Trace them back to your lips, take you on a trip, flip that switch_

 _Make my world go black, hit me like a heart attack, knock me flat on my back, yeah_

 _Just keep doing that, that thing you're doing there, brush me with your hair, I swear_

 _I don't know how long that I can last_

 _Make my world go black, black_

 _-'Black' Dierks Bentley_

* * *

Four days. It took four days before that new calm, care-free facade of moving on collapsed violently shattering all over the apartment. Bucky found her curled up in the sleeping bag when he got off work. She was sobbing and the smell of something foul hit his nose. Beside the bed was a small trash can where Mila had been dry heaving since she had her breakdown. Bucky should have known better. He shouldn't have played along with the 'everything is fine' card she was trying to play. It was foolish. Bucky set down the bag of fresh produce he got from the market and slowly approached her.

"Mila, I'm here." Bucky spoke kneeling beside her. He slipped off the gloves he wore in the shop and threw them down. His jacket still had grease stains on it but it didn't matter to Mila who instantly clung to him. Bucky placed his metal hand at the base of her scalp and massaged the area. He hope the cool alloy would help soothe her. His flesh hand held her back close to him.

"Bucky…Bucky I'm sorry… I thought… I thought-" Mila was trying to push words out through her sobs but Bucky stopped her.

"Shh. No need to explain. Take your time and calm down doll. I'll be here all night." He spoke the words quietly and level hoping if he sounded calm it would help her. Although if Mila could feel how quick his heart was beating with worry she would know better. Bucky was afraid she was hurt or sick. He knew better than the latter due to the serum, but the possibility still raced through his mind as he tried to figure out what happened between now and four days ago that she decided to trash the apartment again and throw up everything her stomach had held.

It was probably seven or so when she sat up on her own and looked at Bucky with her puffy blood shot eyes. Her brown curls were tangled and her nose was bright red. In short nothing about this was cute. She sat in silence as her mind tried to figure out how to explain herself to Bucky. She knew Bucky would respect her enough to not push it but she owed it to him. She knew he was worried about her.

"I was cleaning up from my morning at the gym. I just grabbed a quick drink of water when some guy made a brash comment and put his arm around my waist. I turned and swore it was like looking at Rumlow back in the nineties when he was trying to impress Pierce and be his right hand in Hydra. I flipped out and decked him. He dropped and I ran out of there with his friends yelling at me. I don't know what they said it was jumbled Romanian and I was so flustered I couldn't translate it. But then I kept looking over my shoulder the whole way home and I felt so paranoid… I just came in here and threw up. It didn't stop. I kept thinking how I'm never going to stop freaking out and breaking down. How I'm weak and stupid for being so optimistic that I can just throw it all behind me like how dumb can I be?!" She was rambling by the time she finished the story and Bucky took in a deep breath. He made a note to hang around the gym and make sure that guy paid. He was certain Mila landing a hit on him was punishment enough as he probably had a broken jaw, but what Bucky could do with his metal arm might make him rethink ever doing that to anyone else, much less his girl.

"Mila, you're not stupid, you're not dumb, you're healing. You pushed it too far by trying to just forget it. I do the same thing. I keep thinking today will be the day I forget about Hydra but then I see a victim' face or hear a scream for help and I know I'm never going to be the same. It sucks. But," He reached out and laced his fingers in hers the hard alloy offsetting her smooth hands. "I see you and I know I can manage all the guilt. It's not so hard a burden to bear when you smile." Mila involuntarily smiled. "Because I know it's the cosmos setting up some big joke that a beautiful, smart, and dazzlin' gal like you stays by my side. So Mila," Bucky ran his flesh hand through her hair disregarding how it was tangled. He let his hand rest its under her ear. "Can you let me be the peace of mind you are for me?" Bucky offered. Mila nuzzled into his hand and hummed a acceptance of his offer. "No say it please." Bucky pleaded.

Mila looked into his eyes and smiled, happy how years of abuse and blood on his hands only made him kinder. "That would be amazing." She said before wrapping her arms around his neck hugging him. He laughed and hugged her back.

"C'mon, let's go out for dinner tonight. My treat, don't argue." Bucky knew she would try and protest the action but he beat her to the punch and her mouth popped closed into a pout. Bucky smirked at her and slipped into the bathroom quickly to try and find some cleaner clothes that weren't stained by working in the shop. Bucky also decided to clean up around the apartment while Mila showered waiting for her to get done to get his own clothes.

The pair got dressed and walked down to the nearest diner to grab a bite. Mila looked deep in thought throughout most of the meal. Bucky tried to distract her by talking about some of the jokes the guys were telling in the shop that day. Mila stopped him before he could deliver the punchline in Romanian with her own inquiry in the language.

"How much do you remember about Brooklyn? I've been so focused on myself that I've been neglecting you. Tell me about Rebecca." She absently raced her finger around the glass of water at the table. Bucky's eyebrows rose and he let out a deep breath.

"Uh, I remember what she looked like. She was bossy. I think she-no- she was the mother figure in the house. Mom died when the twins were young." Bucky looked as deep in thought as Mila had moments ago. He hated how he kept running into walls. His siblings, his blood, and he couldn't remember much about them. Just faces smiling back at him. Happy. They were poor but always happy. Even though their mom died, they were optimistic. Why did she die? "How did my mom die?" He looked to Mila hoping she had the answer.

"At base camp you mentioned something about her being really sick and suffering. I can't even remember what you said exactly. You said it was bittersweet because she was gone but you were glad she wasn't suffering." Bucky shook his head and looked at his half full plate. His appetite was gone.

"I don't even remember my own mother's face." Mila reached her hand out across the table to grab and squeeze the flesh palm, even though it was gloved Bucky appreciated the contact. "They took so much from me…." The words sounded even more depressing in Romanian and Mila wanted to soothe his troubled mind. She hadn't intended her earlier remark to take such a wrong turn but they were here now and they needed to manage.

"We'll get it back. Together, like we've always done." Mila said the words knowing they were just as true for him as they were for her.

Bucky squeezed her hand back. "Right, together."

"C'mon let's get outta here. I don't think either of us has an appetite anymore." Bucky nodded and reached for his wallet throwing a bill on the table that would have covered the meal plus a small tip. They got up and made their way to the street linking arms and taking in the sights of the city. "Ever stop to think how different it all is?" Mila asked looking out at the buildings and hustle of the city. "And yet how it can be the same?" Bucky tried picturing the women walking the streets revealing skin and showcasing different colored hair wearing knee length skirts and having their hair pinned up in curls. The way he remembered Mila dressing when they were on leave. He looked at the guys with their backwards hats and ripped jeans, if they were wearing dress slacks and button up shirts maybe he could picture striking up a conversation with his neighborhood Brooklyn boys. The city life hadn't changed because this all felt familiar, people running around going nowhere and everywhere all at once. A thousand different lives all running on one block. That was the streets of New York City, the streets of Brooklyn.

"Yeah, Brooklyn. I'm starting to remember a bit." Bucky couldn't believe how he'd never seen it or felt it before. It could have been because he was a man who walked to work and home. He never had ti/me to just casually stroll the city to appreciate it for what it's worth.

"What do you remember?" Mila asked edging on eagerness, but not wanting to pressure his memory.

"Just how my sister and I used to walk around the city after school and try to convince every vender on the street to give us a free apple. Rebecca always got more than me." Bucky smiled and began sharing small stories about his childhood with Rebecca and Steve, they weren't much just bits and pieces of things he could remember. He also talked about a funeral, Steve's mother passed. By the time he ran out of memories they were in front of the apartment.

"You know you should write those down in the journal and hide it. I know it's depressing to consider the fact, but if we have to run, or Hydra captures us, it gives you a foundation to start. They can't wipe my memories, it would kill me with the device in my head. But you, your mind is still free game to them." Bucky held the door open for Mila to begin climbing the stairs.

"Thanks for that uplifting thought." Bucky grumbled following her up the steps stomping a bit too loud for eleven at night. Mila rolled her eyes and stopped walking to look down at him.

"I'm sorry if circumstances have left me less than optimistic." Bucky pushed past her and took the steps two at a time and Mila let out a huff of air and chased him up the stairs. They made it to the fourth floor when she caught up. "Are you really throwing a fit?" Mila asked from behind him. He ignored her and went up another flight. Mila set her jaw in anger. She was only being honest with him. He should know better than to entertain the thought of them having a normal life in any one spot for too long. She called his name a few times as they made their way up but he continued to ignore her. "So now you give me the cold shoulder. That's ironic." Mila knew it was a harsh line, but she wanted him to speak. Bucky turned around sharply outside of their apartment door and could see his eyes were wet from tears he was fighting. Mila backed down from her previous confrontational stance upon seeing him.

"Was it too much to just enjoy one good night with my girl? Just because you gave up hope doesn't mean I did." His words were cold as he unlocked the apartment and slammed the door shut in Mila's face. She closed her eyes and tried composing herself before entering. But Bucky was right, she ruined the evening with her reminder of Hydra and how they can never be free. A smile cracked as a tear fell down her cheek. Her typical Bucky, always optimistic while she was more of a pessimist. Maybe they hadn't changed after being held by Hydra for so long.

She turned the knob and stepped in seeing Bucky stripping off his clothes down to his boxers like he always did for bed. Mila took in the scars, many of them she had a hand in putting on his body over the years at Hydra's command. Jesus, was she really free from them? She was still hurting Bucky even after all this time on her own. She bit her fingernail wanting to console him but she knew better than to try right now. She turned to the bathroom moving stealth like through the room as she grabbed one of Bucky's bigger shirts, but then thought better of it and put the piece of clothing back on the shelf. She settled for her own t-shirt and shorts. Well, Natasha's clothes anyway. She had yet to go out and buy her own clothes.

She walked back out to the living room and saw Bucky with his back turned to the door on the couch. Mila frowned. They had been sleeping on the mattress together, but his move was obvious. He was pissed at her. Mila slowly approached him and placed a gentle hand on his metal arm only to be met by his arm grabbing her scarred wrist. Mila could feel the panic from where she stood. He never looked at her though.

"I'm sorry Buck." She whispered. He turned his head enough to see her from the corner of his eye.

"I'll acknowledge your apology. You know, so I'm not accused of the cold shoulder." He said letting go of her wrist and settling back uncomfortably on the couch. He didn't realize how nice he had it laying next to Mila on the mattress. But, he had a point to prove and he could be just as stubborn as Mila so he wasn't about to get up.

"Look, what do you want me to say?" She looked around the apartment hands up in frustration as she didn't want to look at him afraid she might hit him for being such an ass. "I can't help the truth! You know it as well as I do!" Bucky turned and shot up sitting straight and ready to attack.

"I know our lives suck Mila! I've been aware of the fact since D.C. Just once I would like to pretend I can be the guy who came back from a War and got to live his life. I never asked for any of this to happen. I was drafted into the damn war. I went because it was my damn duty. Not because I wanted to. Same with the commandos, I couldn't let Steve be Captain fucking America without being by his side, it was my duty as his best friend. And you," He paused lowering his voice. He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his dark brown locks. "It was my duty to keep my gal safe and happy. A simple duty as your fiancé and I have failed you time and time again. Even now, you're battling demons I never could. I don't know how to help." Mila grabbed his flesh hand squeezed it reassuringly.

"Buck, you've never failed me. You and I both have limits, we've been pushed past those. Don't ever think you failed me," Bucky looked up at her with the saddest kicked dog ok she had ever seen. He was heartbroken by his presumed failures. "because you've fought harder for me than you'll ever known. Most would have given up on my stubborn ass eons ago. I…I love you Bucky. Don't forget that." Bucky's lip trembled and she cupped the sides of his face and kissed him on the mouth.

Bucky placed his hands over hers not wanting her to ever break contact. Then, as if she could read his mind, she took a surprising move by straddling Bucky's lap and letting him sit back against the couch. Bucky let his hands slide down to hold her sides holding her firmly. His tongue grazed her bottom lip testing her for more. She eagerly complied and let him deepen their kiss. Mila ground her hips against Bucky as he slid his hands down to firmly grab the sweet curve of her ass. Bucky moaned out at the action forgetting how well this women knew how to work him. Mila rather enjoyed the sound and making him feel good, such a switch from the hurt she was making him feel the past couple months. She repeated the action but drug it out slowly making sure to let his member really feel the friction she was creating. He leaned forward slightly with her action needing her closer than the fabric between them allowed.

"Jesus, Mila." Bucky moaned into the kiss. Mila smirked and ran her fingers through his hair making sure her nail sights raked his scalp. Bucky hummed enjoying the sensations she was creating before he went ridged. "Doll," He started pulling away but Mila kept going. "We gotta stop you're going-"

She cut him off looking into his blue eyes. "I'm going to enjoy every second of this. Stop talking." Bucky gave a faux salute to her and nodded briefly.

"Yes ma'am." He said with a growl and lifted the pair of them up and laid Mila back on the mattress. He hovered over her smaller frame and kissed down her neck while her nails glided over his back. Bucky began to suck the sensitive skin under her ear making her breath hitch. The noise only made Bucky's desire grow as he teasingly rubbed his growing budge against the inside of her thigh. Mila sinfully moaned assuring Bucky that she was enjoying this. That last thing he wanted was for her to feel unsafe. Bucky stopped his assault on her neck and moved his head down to her naval and slow as he could he ran his hands under the fabric feeling the smooth skin and enjoying how the cool metal hand made her tense and arch against him. To make up for his sly trick he kissed everywhere the metal hand went, from her naval up to the valley between her breasts. Bucky made it his mission to savor every moment with her and remind her how sweet this could be. He took to teasing one nipple with his flesh hand and the other he took in his mouth. The instant his hot breath covered the soft mound her nails dug into his back harder than they had been. It didn't bother him as she did it, he rather liked it.

He began teasing the sensitive bud with his tongue while keeping the bulge in his boxers pressed firmly against her thigh. He could feel the dampness at the head in his boxers knowing how much he was longing for this woman. God he could just to her now, but this was about more than what he wanted. Bucky pulled Mila up to removed her shirt letting the top half of her toned body lay bear beneath him. It was only fair since he was only in his boxers. He took a moment to appreciate her body. While Hydra may have used her for a weapon, Bucky knew this body before they tainted it. He took his time kissing every square inch of skin he saw and Mila closed her eyes unable to get enough of his sweet touch. Bucky trailed lower with his kisses and would glance up at her reactions just to make sure she was still ok with this. Bucky skipped the skin that was barely covered by her shorts and lightly grabbed behind her knee to trail kisses along the inside of her thigh. Mila took to tugging his hair begging him in the action to go higher and strip her. She knew what that tongue was capable of, but she felt the need for a reminder.

"C'mon Buck." She whined locking her fingers in his hair. He chuckled at her eagerness and placed his thumb over the two layers of clothes that withheld him from pleasuring her. He rubbed back and forth just to get a reaction and it was too perfect as she bit her lip moaning, knowing damn well he was teasing her.

"What's the matter, you wanting something?" He asked picking up his thumbs torturous pace.

"Yes, you." She spoke almost out of breath. She hated the teasing. She could easily get even. She threw her leg around his waist and i a move she usually saved for fighting, pinned Bucky down on the mattress and rubbed her hands down his chest. Amazing how still well built he was when they hardly did any training. She started her own trail of kisses making sure to be tender with the puckered scars around his metal arm. Bucky relaxed letting out a deep hum when she went back to rubbing his chest down. God she loved him in every way possible. How could she be so foolish to push him away. She then stopped reaching behind her and grabbed firmly on the erection Bucky had through his boxers. Bucky tensed for a moment and he bit his lip waiting for her further action. Mila smirked and slid down to kneel on the bed between his legs.

"What are you up to?" Bucky questioned looking down as she pulled his throbbing member out of his boxers.

"Payback." She said making her lips pop before she took his head in her mouth. His moan of 'fuck' was a enough to make Mila dripping wet. She teased him slowly like he had her and let her hands lightly massage his thighs in the process. His every reaction to her mouth assured her he was enjoying every bit of this. Mila picked up pace running her tongue under his shaft and letting one hand join her in an up and down motion. He ran his flesh hand through her hair urging her to keep her pace as he felt himself building towards coming.

"Mm-Mila… fuck. I'm going to come." He moaned out. Mila looked up at him and saw his eyes closed head back. Mila pulled herself off him and continued to pump him with just his hand. Bucky was doing everything in him not to come undone just yet. He wasn't finished with Mila yet. "Damn it." He said grabbing her hand and stopping her. He sat up and caught his breath trying to force himself down from the high. "Not yet." He growled laying Mila back down on the bed she giggle as her head hit the pillow.

"Didn't realize we had a schedule." She commented as Bucky swiftly removed her shorts and underwear. He hovered over her letting his flesh hand trace over the webbed scarring Rumlow left on her thighs.

"Of course we're on a schedule. I have eight hours of uninterrupted lovemaking scheduled for…" Bucky looked at an imaginary watch on his metal arm. "right now actually." Bucky smirked and Mila sat up to wrap her arms around his neck pressing her bare soft chest against his hard pecs.

"I think I can fit that in." Mila spoke the words laced with double meaning and Bucky scooped her up into his lap, his erection pressed against her but not yet where he wanted to be. Bucky held her close letting his hands roam over her back. He scanned her brown eyes looking for any doubt of his next actions. As if she could read his mind she kissed him with urgency and pulled away just as quick. "I want this, don't let me stop and think about a thing." She spoke softly. Bucky gave her a small nod and laid her on her back and claimed her mouth with his own. Mila wrapped her hands around his bulging biceps as he held himself above her. Even though she knew he hated the arm, she loved the mix of textures as she held him close. Bucky took his flesh hand away from her and let it glide down her body to her legs. He massaged the inside of her thighs hating how they were marred by scarring from Rumlow. He didn't hate her body in any way, just the reminders of what he let happen to her.

Bucky gracefully maneuvered her legs apart and positioned himself at her wet entrance. He teased the bundled of nerves at her clit working his thumb against the skin in a circular motion making her breath catch. She broke away from the kiss to roll her head back from the feeling of pleasure. Taking the opportunity, Bucky kissed her exposed neck and sucked the skin knowing he would be leaving marks for later.

"Buck, please." She moaned. Bucky smirked against her neck continuing to work his thumb faster. "Bucky…mmmm… I want you." She panted out.

"As you wish." He spoke softly. He slowly plunged his head into her making her gasp enjoying the feeling as he stretched her walls. "Are you-"

"Yes! Stop teasing!" She demanded. Bucky obliged her by inserting himself fully in her and she bit her lip muffling the moan that would have woken all their neighbors. Bucky worked in and out of her at a steady pace filling her completely and pulling out enough to never completely leave her. He ground his hips into her taking his time enjoying how her tight walls felt against his shaft.

"Jesus, Mila. You're perfect." Bucky whispered continuing to build up speed and hitting her in the right spot with every thrust. She dug her nails into his back loving the sensation he was creating thrusting his hips against hers. Bucky kissed her lips again lingering to let her know how much he loved her. Then as he pulled away continuing his steady pace he felt unsatisfied with the kiss instead he chose to voice his declaration. "Mila, I love you." As he spoke he took her left arm and laced his fingers in hers and held her hand above her head.

"I love you too Bucky." Mila panted squeezing his hand. After that Bucky began to thrust into her must faster going as deep as he could with every thrust. Mila's breath began to get higher every time he hit that spot that would push her closer to the edge. Mila wrapped her right leg around his waist and Bucky repositioned himself to grab the curve of her ass with his metal arm while he bent the arm holding hands with Mila to support his weight. Their hips slapped together in a fury of passion as they became lost in the feeling of one another. Bucky gave Mila's body hungry kisses where ever he could reach as he felt himself getting closer as well as Mila tightening around him. Mila let her hand trail up and get lost in his long hair as he sent her closer to the edge. She felt the knot of pleasure pulling tighter in her and realized how much she needed him in every sense of the word. With a few more hard thrusts Mila came undone saying Bucky's name as a prayer as she felt him riding her out to his own end. When he came he held himself buried deep inside her letting her own throbbing walls milk him for everything he was worth.

They stayed like that for what seemed like a perfect eternity tangled in their post-lovemaking bliss. They caught their breath and Bucky unlaced his hand from hers and moved the metal hand to brush the stray hairs from her forehead so he could plant a kiss there and hoping to cool her down at the same time. Mila let out an amused giggle before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Thank you Bucky." She said sincerely looking into his blue eyes. He quirked a brow looking down at her.

"For that amazing service or what?" He asked letting a sliver of the old cocky Bucky shine through.

"For showing me I wasn't ruined for good." Mila said leaning up to kiss his cheek softly. Mila didn't think it was possible but one of the most feared assassins of history was actually blushing.

"I would never think of you as ruined. You and I are broken and we're going to help put the pieces back. No matter how long it takes us." Bucky stated sure that they could overcome anything that stood in their way.

"You're just too amazing sometimes you know that?" Mila said sincerely, wondering how he could still be so hopeful after all he had endured.

"Oh believe me I know," He winked at her and she rolled her eyes at him. "I'm so amazing I'm still out of breath." He added. Mila clicked her tongue at him and shook her head. She caught him off guard and rolled him onto his back straddling his hips and placing her hands on his pecs.

"You said eight hours of uninterrupted lovemaking. You're going to make good on that promise. After all," She gave a slight buck of her hips he sucked in a breath at her action. "you're a super solider." She leaned down and kissed his neck making him moan.

"That I did. I would hate to disappoint." He murmured as his eyes shut with her tantalizing lips against his neck. Feeling mischievous he smacked her ass and let his hands cup her bottom as she let out a sharp breath.

"I liked that." She stated almost surprised by the fact. They hadn't had much time to experiment in the bedroom.

"Let's see what else you like then."

* * *

 **AN: Note this is the first time they have been together in nearly a year. But I just wanted this to be them proving their feelings to each other and realizing how much they can trust one another regardless of the situations they have been through. So please review.**


	39. It'll Always be You

**AN: I am soooooo sorry to make you wait this long. I just got my first teaching job and I am so excited. Having my own classroom was overwhelming. But I just watched Infinity War and no spoilers, but I am a hot mess right now. I was not ready to sit and watch all of that movie in one sitting. Any way to commemorate that heartache, I present chapter 39**

* * *

 _High dive into frozen waves_  
 _Where the past comes back to life_  
 _Fight fear for the selfish pain_  
 _And it's worth it every time_  
 _Hold still right before we crash_  
 _'Cause we both know how this ends_  
 _Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass_  
 _And I drown in you again_

Clarity- Zedd

* * *

Mila woke up in the early morning her arms tucked under the only pillow on the bed completely naked. She inhaled peacefully as she felt Bucky's arms wrapped around her waist and his head laying on her stomach. Bucky was a man of his word that much was clear. Mila ventured she had only been asleep an hour or so and the first rays of sunlight were shining through the newspaper covered glass. She removed a hand from under the pillow and began to run her fingers through Bucky's long hair waiting for him to wake up. She heard the grumpy mumblings of a tired Bucky.

"What was that?" Mila softly inquired.

"I said," His hot breath on her navel made her flinch in excitement "don't stop." Bucky returned the favor by letting his flesh hand trace up and down the hourglass curve of her side.

"Mmm, deal." Mila said letting her eyes close. The pair fell back asleep for another sweet nap but when Mila woke up this time she was alone in the bed the sleeping bag covering her. Her heart sank at the fact as she rubbed her eyes trying to figure out where that man had snuck off to. As she sat up she moaned, not realizing how sore everything was. Damn, did that man know how to show his girl a great time. She stretched hoping that would soothe some of her muscles.

As she reached towards the ceiling Bucky came in the front door making her panic. She let out a yelp of surprise and covered herself with the sleeping bag before relaxing.

"Damn you!" She chided. Bucky chuckled and set a bag down on the nearby table.

"Happy to see you too, doll." He took off his baseball cap and threw it next to the bags. Mila arched a brow wondering what he had been up to.

"whatcha got there?" She got up walking to him not bothering to cover herself. Bucky smiled seeing her confidence shine. Although that smile dropped when he noticed how he left some marks here and there on her. Mila took notice of his changed mood and looked down at herself then rolled her eyes. She patted him on the cheek gently and kissed his nose. "It's fine Buck. Anyone would have left marks after going that hard. I'm sure I left my fair share on you as well." She peered into the bags and Bucky breathed out through his nose, appreciating Mila's words but still feeling bad he had hurt her in any way.

"Yeah but still," Mila gave him a pointed glance. "Right, well as long as you enjoyed yourself." Mila's face didn't soften as she studied his face. Mila noticed a fresh cut above his eyebrow and how he was sweating around his hair line.

"Buck, what did you do besides pick up produce this morning?" Mila said not breaking eye contact with him. The cool tone of her voice was all the indication Bucky needed to know she noticed he had been in a fight. It was the same tone his mother used when he would try and hide bruises from fighting boys on Steve's behalf or after he snuck out and thought he was in the clear.

"I went to the gym and hit the bag." He said reaching out to caress the back of her arms to reassure her. Mila let out a steady breath.

"Does that bag have a name?" Bucky dropped his hands and rolled his head back. Clearly he could not distract her out of this interrogation.

"Punkass kid who thinks he can hit on my gal." Mila's face went from stern to pissed. She looked down at the floor to try and regain some composure before she yelled at Bucky. She knew the type of damage he could deal back in the war if someone started hitting on her, she could only fear for the damage the Winter Solider could inflict.

"Well, what is the total damage?" She looked back to his blue eyes that were dancing with amusement at her reaction to the scenario.

"Nothing major. Just a bruised jaw." As Bucky said it he ran his flesh thumb along her jawline. Mila held back the smirk.

"Did you make him cry?" Mila asked knowing she couldn't be upset with him for defending her honor. Hell that was something Bucky would have done back in the 40's for her.

"I may have when I broke his arm. Couldn't tell though, he ran off pretty quick after that." Mila's jaw popped open.

"Buck-"

"He did it to himself. I was using aikido techniques sweetheart, I promise." Mila threw her arms up and went back to the mattress to recover some clothing. She had a feeling he wasn't taking her too serious about the whole ordeal while she was naked.

"I mean, he deserves it. As long as there were no witnesses." Mila flung the sleeping bag off the bed trying to find clothing.

"Not that I could tell" Mila bent over to grab a shirt as he continued. "I mean the power in the gym went out. It was weird." Bucky's words were full of sarcasm. Mila paused as she pulled the shirt down knowing it was a technique they were both accustomed to using on unsuspecting targets. Kill the lights and attack in the dark.

"You're a terrible person Buck." Mila finished putting on her shirt. Bucky walked up behind Mila and wrapped his arms around her waist letting his hands slip under the shirt to feel the warmth of her flesh with his metal hand and the smoothness with his flesh one.

"He messed with my girl, I can't let that slide. I think you would be disappointed in me if I did any less." Mila laughed lightly and placed her hands on top of his. He had a point.

"Maybe." She whispered as Bucky kissed her neck. Mila leaned back into him and his hands on her waist pressed her firmly against him. She could already feel his bulge against her ass. For good measure she ground her hips into him forcing him to moan.

"Damn you." His voice was low and he made use of his strength as he quickly turned her around and dipped to grab her by the back of the thighs. Mila giggled as he held her up walking her over to pin her up against the wall. He attacked her neck and her hands found their way lost in his dark hair, much like they had this morning only this time there was a carnal need to have him showing her affection. She then reached down and tugged on his belt making him growl.

"We'll get there, doll. Calm down." He ordered as she let out a fake whine. The noise pushed Bucky to not want to wait. He let his hips pin her to the wall as he let his hands roam under the shirt making sure to tease her breast with equal affection. Mila ignored Bucky's orders and proceeded to try and unbuckle his belt to no anvil. He kept rolling his hips out of her grasp creating a friction that built desire in both of them.

"You know you teased me enough last night." Mila commented as he kissed along her collar bone. Bucky hummed in agreement before facing her again.

"So I did." With his agreement he undid his belt buckle and pushed his pants down just enough to take care of his girl. He positioned his head at her entrance not wanting to do anything without her permission. He put his forehead against hers and looked into her eager brown eyes. "May I?" His tone was low, but the anticipation was clear. Mila smiled at him.

"Please?" She whined. He obliged by slowly entering her letting his hard cock stretch her already wet walls. She inhaled sharply loving the sensation. Once he felt she had adjusted enough to him he began pumping into her deeply wanting to bury himself in her with every thrust. Her noises of pleasure were driving Bucky insane. Mila firmly held onto his biceps before he quickly grabbed both of her wrists in his metal hand and held them above her. The gesture wasn't meant to be anything less than kinky between two lovers but Mila's eyes opened and were full of panic. Bucky noticed how her body tensed and not in a good way. Bucky stopped his actions and placed his flesh hand on her cheek.

"Mila?" He whispered. She began breathing deep trying to calm herself down. This was Bucky pinning her, not him. But that didn't stop her from trying to free her wrists. "What's wrong?" He removed himself as panic sunk into him. He gently let her down and distanced himself. She wouldn't make eye contact.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Bucky lifted her chin but her eyes focused on his mouth not his eyes.

"Don't be doll. How did I," Bucky was at a loss for words. "What did I do wrong?" Mila grabbed her wrist in front of her and began rubbing the marred skin there.

"He bound me up by my wrists. I-I know you weren't trying to be him. I know. I just… it reminded me of the pain of ripping my skin apart trying to get away from him." Bucky quickly grabbed the back of her head to tilt it towards him. He kissed the top of her head and dropped his hand from her neck to her back and began rubbing soothing circles.

"I'm sorry doll. I am. You want to talk about it?" She shook her head as a response and slipped out of his embrace. While she appreciated his gesture of kindness she preferred to be alone. She grabbed a pair of Bucky's sweatpants and her wallet.

"I'm going shopping." She spoke.

"I just got groceries." Bucky said gesturing to the bags on the table.

"We need clothes for winter." She stated before nodding to the pile of clothes by the bed. "Unless you want me running around in shorts in the coming months. I may be a super solider, but I can still get a cold." Bucky nodded understanding her now.

"Yeah, ok. You want me to come?" She gave a quick shake of her head and walked out unintentionally slamming the door behind her.

"Sorry." She mumbled in the empty hall. She hoped Bucky heard her through the door. She began her decent down the stairs and worried that she should have taken a weapon with her. No, she would be fine. She was going to a department store for the love of god. She would be ok. But she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in her gut brought forth from Bucky's earlier actions. She tried to occupy her mind with other things as she walked to the store. Maybe what was Steve up to? What was Natasha doing? Mila had no doubts that her friends could take care of themselves but she missed them. She missed her little ballerina most. Last time they spoke Mila was a hot mess. Nothing like the intimidating woman Natasha knew her as. Mila glanced around the streets and saw a library up ahead. Surely they had computers in there. Mila smiled at the people flowing in and out of the place some with arms full of books others empty handed. Most were peppered haired or college age. Mila sat down at the empty computer and glanced around. No one looked like they would come up and check on her. Good. She began working her coding magic and logged into an email server. In another tab she began running codes that would bounce her email off of IP addresses from around the globe. The only way to trace the email would be through weeks off decoding and she doubted anyone had that type of time. Once sure her email would be safe, she began typing her message to the friend she raised.

Ballerina,

I need to update you. I found him. We are safe. We are coping with each other. Sore spots exist but we are working it out. Please don't worry. And if you must show Steve for assurance, I'm ok with that. I know how the Captain likes to worry. I won't tell you where we are for obvious reasons, but know we are together and safe.

But I miss you guys. I want us both to be better before I try and make our way back to you. How's Avenging? Did you guys find Rumlow? I would like to know what Steve does to him when he finds him. How's Rebecca doing? I know Bucky would like to know. Also, if she has any way to help Bucky. He seems to be forgetting his childhood most. I know the Army days, so I can help him there. But before that we're both lost.

One more favor, can you dig up information on my daughter. Her name was Leda LaSalle, that's the name Pierce gave her from the intel I have gathered. I just want to know more about her. I think it would help me make peace, or whatever it is.

Sentinel

Mila sent the email and then took a few moments to look up news stories and conspiracies on her and Bucky's whereabouts on the dark web. Looking at the intelligence, it seemed like the majority believed the pair to be dead. Which worked well in her favor. But there was an ad on an old Hydra domain that ran the same time the Cold War ended. It was all coded but Mila sat at the desk for thirty minutes trying to decode the message in her head running cyphers she knew though the different languages she could speak. The message was intimidating to her and made her skin crawl. There was no doubt this was a message from Rumlow.

Seeking any intelligence on Sentinel. Last known handler: Von Strucker. Could be tagging the Avengers or Winter Soilder. 80,000 USD for successful tips. Seller names the price if you bring the body alive.

Mila quickly logged out of the computer carefully clearing all history as thoroughly as she could without destroying the hard drive. She rose and tried to look as calm as possible walking out of the library. Her heart was racing and her chest felt like it would cave in on her. She needed to focus on something other than the fact that Rumlow was desperately looking for her for his own vile purposes. Mila just kept walking head down not knowing where she was headed. She just needed to keep moving. If she stopped, she would fall apart. Her fingernails dug into the skin of her palm and before long she felt the blood on her fingertips. She heard the people wandering around the city, heard the car horns blaring when no one would move. Life was happening all around her but she could only focus on how someone wanted to end hers. It wasn't the first time she had a target or a price on her head. That was near constant. But it was the first time she knew who wanted her and she would rather turn herself into the local authorities than to Rumlow. She tried to just focus on the sidewalk. Make three steps in each sidewalk square. 123.123.123. It seemed to help. She kept moving through the crowds until she came to a department store. She blended in easily with the crowd as she grabbed a shopping cart. No one would know she was on the run. No one would know there was a huge price tag on her head. Unless… she glanced at the ceiling and sure enough there were cameras throughout the store. She shook her head letting her hair fall to shield her face more. She was desperately looking for a ball cap somewhere. Amongst the outerwear section she found all she needed and a plain ball cap. Surely it would be no problems put it on now. She tore the tag off and then pulled her hair though the back. She approached the register and unloaded then gave the cashier the tag to her hat.

"Bad hair day, and I am so hungover." She slightly slurred her Romain words and the young cashier began to smile and tell about her own wild college party she went to the night before. A completely unprofessional conversation to have with a customer but Mila simply smiled and laughed with the girl about her adventures. It was getting late and no doubt Bucky was worried about her. She hurried out of the store hoping to make it back to the apartment before nightfall. She didn't understand what made her so anxious about the darkness. Maybe the price on her head had something to do with it. As she made her way to the apartment she walked past the gym and something enticed her to walk in and talk to her boss. That was what normal people did in a circumstance like hers. Mila paused at the door. She wasn't normal. She readjusted her grip on the shopping bag and turned away. She was foolish, the police would get involved and that was the last thing she needed.

She made it into the apartment building all but dragging herself up the steps. She was too worried about anything to face Bucky right now. He would know something is troubling her, he could read her like a book. But if she avoided him much longer he would go on a one man mission to find her. As she reached her floor she stopped at their door. She had to trust him to help her. She could have relied on him to solve any problem when they were engaged so many decades ago. What made this century any different? She chastised Bucky just the previous night for being closed off to her. Now she was going to display the same behavior? Honesty. Trust. Faith. That's what a relationship should have. She raised her hand to knock on the door but it flew open with Bucky looking surprised to see her on the other side of the door. He sighed relieved. Obviously Mila was right about him going out to search for her.

"I was worried." He said. Mila closed her eyes and nodded.

"Figured you would be." She walked by him to set the bag down and could hear the click of the door as Bucky came back inside to comfort her.

"What happened?" Bucky asked standing by her side. Mila wet her lips and turned to look at him.

"I…I found out that someone, probably Rumlow, is actively seeking information on my whereabouts. Most of the dark web thinks we are dead but someone is persistent in finding me." Bucky's face crumpled with the confusion of this new information.

"How did you find this out?"

"I made a stop at the library. 80,000 dollars for successful tips, seller names the price if they bring me in alive. I couldn't bring myself to sit and run codes for another 5 hours to try and get a hit on who the payout is coming from." Mila began pulling out the winter clothes and sorting them into two piles needing something to distract her from the racing thoughts plaguing her mind.

"Why would they only target you?" Bucky closed his eyes after the question was out. He answered his own question and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I won't let-I will stop him. I will hunt him down." Bucky turned Mila to face him and could tell already she didn't approve of his plan. While beating up some punk in the gym was one thing, killing a man for her was another.

"I won't let you do that." Mila's voice was without emotion. Her attempts to detach herself from the current problem were obvious to Bucky. "I can't let you put yourself at risk over my well-being." Bucky sighed and looked to the ceiling "I can't stand by and do nothing Mila."

"Well take a seat then. You don't want to lose me, I don't want to lose you. It's as simple as that."

"No it is not as simple as that. Someone is actively trying to take you away." Bucky grabbed her arms and bore his blue eyes into her own brown ones as if trying to burn the color to memory. "I failed you more than once. I'm not going to make a habit of it." Bucky tried to blink back the tears that stung his eyes. "You're my girl damnit." The words escaped his mouth more threatening then he intended, but he was pissed. Pissed at Mila for not seeing how important it was to be proactive for her safety and pissed that someone, probably that bastard Rumlow, wanted her for his own vile pleasure. "If I let you get hurt again, that's on me. I live with enough guilt. No more." Bucky's voice broke on his last plea while Mila felt her own tears threaten to spill over at his sincerity and openness. She placed her hands on his chest and slid them up to cup his stubble covered jaw.

"I know why you think proactive justice is the right choice, but-" Bucky pulled away from her in frustration and moved further into the room to get away from her. Mila raised her voice as she continued to rationalize her thoughts to him. "I spent over a year mourning you when I thought you were dead!" She could see him getting more agitated as he began to pace. "I spent five years trying to get over seventy years of trauma and lack of freedom of will. All while wondering, did I lose you again?" Bucky paused with his back to her but could she could see then tension held tightly in his back. "I came back to you knowing full well that you could still hate me and kill me and you would have every right. Do you know why?" Bucky slightly tilted his head ever so slightly to her direction to indicate he did want to know why she would be so foolish. "Because if I found you, at least I would know you were alive. There was a chance you could forgive me. IF you wouldn't give me that chance at least I would be dead and that would be better than living any longer in this sufferable life without James Buchanan Barnes by my side." Mila began to tremble as her emotions began to suffocate her in waves. "Because if you haven't figured it out you idiot, I love you. I always have. I don't think I could handle losing you again, especially if it was for something as stupid as trying to protect me." Bucky finally looked at her, his own anger was completely dissolved. Bucky moved to take one step her direction and it queued Mila to crash into him and let him cradle her. Bucky sighed and rested his chin on top of her head.

"I guess even at 98 I'm no wiser than a 27 year old punk from Brooklyn." He smirked as Mila's giggle lightened the air between them. It was clear that they couldn't stand to lose the other.


	40. Put Love On Hold

**AN: Thank you for continuing to read this, even if I have been a bad person when it comes to updating. I am so sorry about that. But please give me some feedback, let me know you still love this story or maybe you don't. Let me know either way. Thank you again for your support.**

* * *

 _You so fuckin' precious when you smile  
Hit it from the back and drive you wild  
Girl, I lose myself up in those eyes  
I just had to let you know you're mine_

 _Hands on your body, I don't wanna waste no time  
Feels like forever even if forever's tonight  
Just lay with me, waste this night away with me  
You're mine, I can't look away, I just gotta say_

 _I'm so fucking happy you're alive  
Swear to God, I'm down if you're down all you gotta say is right  
Girl anything I can do just to make you feel alright  
Oh, I just had to let you know you're fine  
Running circles 'round my mind  
Even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine  
You on fire, you a star just like Mariah  
Man this feel incredible, I'll turn you into a bride, you're mine_

 _Bazzi- Mine_

* * *

Mila hated that she was pinned down again. Fighting as hard as she could, she realized she had lost her touch in the last couple months. With one final move she was able to knock her capture off balance and free herself. As she tried to stand she found the edge of the ring and leaned over the top rope, upset with herself as Bucky was laughing at her as he joined her.

"You can't keep doing cardio. You have to hit the weights too." He said rubbing her back. Mila swatted his hand away, always a sore loser. She tried to hold back her smile as she pointed a finger at him.

"It's not a matter of my strength, maybe you should lay off the Amandine." Mila teased knowing how he had a sweet tooth for the dessert. Bucky's jaw popped open at her teasing and then he began another attack, this one more innocent as he tickled her sides. She did her best to defend herself but it was another loss for her before the fight started. He had her backed against the corner post of the boxing ring and he stopped only to hold the rope on either side of her. As she caught her breath Bucky began to kiss her neck. "Buck… we can't do this here." She said not wanting him to stop at all, but knowing if her boss came in she would be fired.

"You sure? We already tested out the showers last week." Mila moaned at the memory. Since their last argument more than a month ago they agreed to train harder and be ready to fight if it came to that. This also meant their constant sprawling in the gym, increased blood flow, and endorphins, they were almost unable to keep their hands off each other while at the gym and for the hours after in their apartment. Bucky had been late to work at least three times since then.

"The showers are a little more private than the boxing ring don't you think?" Bucky nodded and put his hands on her hips to pull her closer.

"You have a point doll. Guess we can resume our foreplay at home. I'm off today." Mila smiled at all the possibilities that it opened knowing that fact.

"I get to have you at home to myself all day? How will I ever be able to handle you for that long?" Her disdain was dripping from her words. Bucky leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"I think you can manage to handle me… and straddle me…. and take my co-"

"Amelia! Buna dimineata. Văd că muncești din greu!" (Good morning. I see you are working hard.) Mila pushed Bucky away with too much force as she heard her boss's voice. With Bucky's training he regained his footing where as anyone else would have fallen on their ass. Bucky nodded at her boss, an apparent old man but one who no normal person would want to enter a street fight with. While Bucky or Mila could both easily take this man, he was well built and tall. His broad shoulders gave Bucky a run for his money. The scars that decorated his arms and face were a sign of a previous life of fighting, either a soilder or as a boxer. While he intimiated anyone upon first meeting, Mr. Stenddan quickly showed his a grandfatherly side to people. "ce s-a întâmplat? Prietenul tau musca limba prea tare? Nu pot vorbi?" (What's wrong? Did your boyfriend bite your tongue too hard? Can't talk?) Mila laughed and shook her head. There was the grandfatherly side.

„Nu, el doar a cerșit pentru mila. Tocmai mi-am dat lovitura. " (No, he was just begging for mercy. I just got done kicking his ass.) MR. Stenddan shook his head with a small smile glancing at Bucky who was rolling his eyes. The old man waved at the couple as he made his way into his office. Mila jumped out of the ring and began heading to the locker room. Bucky half jogged to catch up with her and slid his metal arm around her waist, even though it was covered and gloved, she could still feel the cool metal against her hot flesh.

"You know how cute you look when you are blushing?" Mila could feel her face betray her as it grew hotter. "I wonder if we can cool you off in the showers?" Bucky asked. Mila looked to him highly amused as she stopped at the two seperate locker room enterances.

"If you want to keep coming here to train, you better not follow me and see what a shower does to me."

"Is that an order Corpral Raden?" Mila smirked. It had been a few decades since she was called that.

"Affirmative Sargent." She said kissing his cheek and darting off to the women's room. If only they had stopped training thirty minutes earlier Bucky would have quickly disobeyed that order.

As the pair walked back to their apartment, they engaged in nothing short of inappropriate banter. Perhaps not misplaced in this century, but in the one they grew up in they would have been way out of line. IF there was one thing Bucky liked about this new century it had to be the way he could be more open with his flirting. It almost made him feel like his old self. As they finished walking up the last flight of steps, Mila paused. She heard a loud crash coming from what sounded like their apartment. Bucky looked to Mila the light of their promiscuous conversation gone as the mission mindset took over. Bucky put a hand out to let Mila know he would open the door first. Mila glared at him. Bucky rolled his eyes and pulled a gun out from behind his back to hand to Mila. She sighed and pulled her own handgun out from her concealed holster between her breasts. Bucky's eyebrows rose and he smirked. His mind wandering for just a moment before he refocused his attention to the door handle. Before he opened it they could hear a voice from the other side.

"If you two are debating shooting me, I will argue in favor of not doing that." While Bucky couldn't place the voice Mila quickly flung the door open recognizing her pupil's sarcastic draw.

"Natalia! My red ballerina." Mila said setting the gun down at the table seeing Natasha was cleaning up a shattered coffee cup. Mila crossed her arms and Bucky stepped in still holding his gun up. Natasha smirked at the man who over a year ago, she was ready to shoot to protect Steve. A man she only knew as the Winter Solider, not as Bucky Barnes, best friend of Steve.

"Wanna put that down? It's not polite to kill your guests." Bucky didn't listen to Natasha, he didn't put the hand gun down until Mila nodded. Bucky squared his shoulders as he watched the two women. Mila walked over to Natasha and bowed her head slightly. Natasha responded with a ballerina dip before grabbing a huge box from the floor behind the island. The coffee cup was long forgotten.

"This is all I could gather. I hope this will suffice." Mila looked confused. "Intel about your daughter and the memories from Mrs. Procter. Who, is currently not in the best condition." Mila sank. While she was at first excited to see Romanov, now she wished she hadn't come at all. What could be wrong with Rebecca? How much longer did she have?

"What's wrong with Becca?" Bucky asked unable to restrain the urgency in his voice. Natasha raised a brow. She had never heard the Solider speak before.

"Her lungs are failing. The doctors are doing what they can to keep her stable." Natasha looked back to Mila and the pair had a whole conversation just by looking at each other. Bucky sat down at the table and looked down at his hands.

"How did you get here? I assumed you decoded the e-mail?" Mila asked.

"I walked. And yes." Mila gave her a pointed look. "Don't give me that look, it was the only safe and untraceable way to get her to give you the information. I can arrange for both of you to go back to New York if you want. I have safe connections. You could be back there by the end of the week." Mila looked to Bucky, it wasn't Mila's call to make. This offer was because of his sister. Bucky looked from Mila to Natasha and shook his head.

"What am I supposed to do if I go? She is better remembering me as her brother from the war than the monster Hydra turned me into. If she sees me like this… no. Just no." Bucky said sitting up straighter. Mila's face dropped.

"Bucky, she won't see you any dif-"

"I said no Mila!" He said stepping past her to go outside to the balcony. Mila closed her eyes and Natasha moved to stand by her side and place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"If he changes his mind, I'm staying at the hotel 15 blocks west of here. I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. Have to go create another cover in Russia. But this," Natasha gave her a business card. "this is one of my old trusted connections to the USSR. If you need more information contact them. Let them know I sent you. That will open every door with him. I can see you guys are still working on that healing thing." Mila nodded.

"Yeah, just when I think things are going smooth. We end up back to square one." Mila shook her head trying to put her personal affairs aside. "You won't tell Steve where we are or that you were here will you?"

"I was where?" Natasha said trying to play coy. "Excuse me miss, I think I got lost on the way back to my hotel can you give me some directions?" Mila smiled. Of course Natasha would keep the secret. While it hurt Mila to lie to Steve, she knew it was for the best that he not know anything about this exchange.

"Thank you Natalia. I knew there was a reason you were my favorite. Take care." Mila extended her hand and Natasha shook it firmly.

"From one Black Widow to her Master. It's my honor."

"Sincerely though, Natalia. Your dedication to me is astounding. I will never understand it, but I appreciate it." Natasha smirked and put a hand to Mila's cheek.

"As an orphan, you were the closet mother I have ever known. Even if you scared the shit out of me." Mila pulled Natasha in close and embraced her. The statement had overwhelmed Mila especially having a box with information of her real daughter sitting a foot away. Natasha pulled away first. "I have to go Mila. You and him have a lot to talk about. I don't want to take any more time from that. If I don't see you soon, I'll see you later."

"Until then my red ballerina." Mila said with a nod of her head.

"Until then Comrade. " Natasha said leaving. Before she walked out of the door she turned sharply. "I left something in the drawer by the way. And I'm sorry about the coffee cup." She was gone as abruptly as she was noticed. And before Mila could even tell her not to worry about the broken mess. Mila locked the door and prepared herself for the bigger mess she would have to deal with out on the balcony. She stopped at the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer and the one bottle of vodka that the pair bought last week to celebrate the anniversary of them finally dating over sixty years ago. Mila saw him sitting on an old folding chair head down in his hands. Mila walked to the ledge and leaned over setting the alcohol by her elbow. The pair of them remained in those positions for over two hours. The only exception was Mila opening her bottle of beer to finish it. Thirty minutes later, when Mila opened the bottle of vodka Bucky had silently joined her to stand by her side opening his beer. Bucky took a long chug from the bottle before letting it dangle ever so gently from his grasp over the edge of the tall apartment building. He never looked at Mila instead intentionally looked at the buildings before him.

"I can't do it." Bucky put his head down knowing Mila would bite back about how he needed to go visit his sister.

Mila didn't disappoint. "Why the hell not?" Mila turned her body to face him and put her hand on her hip the other arm was still leaning on the edge of the balcony.

Bucky sighed. "If I do go, who will be waiting? Who will be tailing us the entire time? I put my sister at risk. I put myself and you at risk. I don't trust the woman who was here-"

"Natasha? You don't trust Natalia our little red ballerina?" Mila stood up straight walked to the other side of the balcony. Bucky watched her move and it did mirror the way the red headed woman moved throughout the apartment earlier.

"She's from the Red Room. How can you trust her?" Bucky thought it was ludicrous that Mila would trust her so much after having a two minute exchange with her. Did Mila really forget that they trained the Black Widows to be deceptive?

"She was the best, we trained her as per the Misstress' demands." Mila let her shoulders slump. "She also saved me from their hold. If it wasn't for Natalia… I would still be a mindless tool for who knows what handler." Bucky walked to Mila and put his right hand gently on her back and rubbed it in small circles hoping to comfort her.

"I am sorry. If you want to go then go. Visit Rebecca, go with Natasha. I am sure you need interactions with someone other than me." Mila shook her head.

She looked into his blue eyes, the picture of a calm sea. "Bucky that's not what I am upset about. I am-"

"I know. I am not dumb. But it might help you. You thrived on connecting with people. I played things close to the vest. It was me and Steve. Go back to New York for a while. I will be here when you get back. I promise." Bucky pulled her so he could rest his forehead against hers. "And I am not about to break any more promises to you." Mila wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He was making a sacrifice for her. She knew how much of an anchor and support she was to Bucky's mental health but for hers he was willing to ruin his. While she in no way minded his company, she did miss the company of her friends. All of them. She had six years of freedom and knew how to cope, even if she relapsed. Bucky wasn't there yet. She didn't know how long before he could cope with everything. Bucky moved to encircle her waist and pull her closer as he deepened the kiss. He didn't know if this was a good bye kiss or if she would stay. He hoped she would deep down, but he knew it was better for her to go back to New York for a while. He would miss her like hell which is why he picked her up and carried her back to the couch trying to savor every moment they had. He was no fool, if she did leave he knew all the risks. They may not see each other for months or either could be killed. As Bucky sat her down he took to removing his shirt and gloves. Mila never tired of seeing his built form, every chiseled muscle, every dip between them. It made her mind quickly turn impure. She ran her hands along his firm pecs and moved slowly downward as Bucky watched her appreciating his body. Whereas there were too many days Bucky didn't want to look at himself because he knew that he was a weapon, Mila always saw through it and saw the man he could be. She rubbed her hand firmly against the growing bulge in his jeans and watched as Bucky's head tilted back and he let out a relaxing breath at her actions. She smirked and rubbed long enough to no doubt strain the denim material that was holding him back. She undid his buckle and pushed down any barrier between herself and her man. Her man, that was right. They belonged to each other. They were dependent on the other for their own mental stability. The thought was enough to give Mila a surge of courage as she pushed Bucky back onto the mattress. He seemed thrown off guard at first until he watched Mila quickly discard all of her own clothing. Bucky propped himself up on his elbow sad that she wasn't taking more time to strip. Once she was done Bucky took what few moments they had to look at her body and appreciate it. Every scar, every freckle, every dip of her toned body. He loved it all. He noticed Mila's face was dusted pink as his unsaid praises showed on his face. Mila always reacted the same to him, ever since the army. She slowly straddle his hips sitting just high enough to avoid the muscular bulge of desire. Bucky let his flash hand run against the nape of neck massaging the skin before he pulled her in once more to kiss her soft lips. Mila let her hands run up his chest and over both shoulders. The contrasting temperatures of the two shoulders not bothering her in the slightest. She let her hand slide down the metal arm loving how slick and cool the alloy felt. It may have been a reminder of dark times, but it was still a part of Bucky and she loved this man regardless of what he was made of. Bucky moved his arm to wrap the cold metal around her waist which made Mila react just the way he wanted. She arched her back into him and his new sitting position pushed Mila down further. Without hesitance Mila maneuvered her hips and placed her entrance at the head of his shaft.

"Mila?" He questioned breaking their kiss. He made it a priority to make sure she was always willing to follow through, no matter how bold she acted. She gave him no coherent response as she let her full weight go resulting in her taking in all of Bucky at once. She gasped gripping his biceps as he moaned loving the sensation of her wrapped around him. She stayed like that for a moment letting herself adjust before moving her hips in a circular motion against Bucky. He let his hands grip her hips no doubt bruising her, he loved when she rode him like this. Something about watching her take control turned him on even more. She pushed him back against the mattress placing her hands on his chest to steady herself as she continued to move up and down on his cock. She watched as his head tilted back and would moan her name dripping with pleasure. He would guide her hips when he was getting closer wanting her to move faster. She complied with the demand from him and he looked up at her watching her dominate him. It was sexy as hell, her hair a mess her biting her lip as Bucky was able to fill her better from this position. He knew he was hitting her just right from the way her fingers were grasping at his chest. He just wanted to hear her scream. As she began to crash her hips into his he could feel how much tighter her walls were getting causing him to moan out her name. The sheer thrill of pleasuring Bucky like this was driving her insane as she felt herself being pushed closer and close to the edge. Bucky grabbed the curve of her ass making her angle herself just right as she came down to push her over the edge. She screamed his name but he wasn't done with her just yet. As she caught her breath Bucky rolled her over to her back gently so as to not break this connection. Starting slowly, he wanted to enjoy this moment. Even as her body was burning from her last climax, Bucky was working her towards her next one. Bucky watched her twist with pleasure under him and he grabbed her leg one at a time as to not lose his balance and wrapped them around his waist. Her hands went to his back where she started to graze the skin there, but as Bucky pumped into her faster she began to dig her nails into his skin. Bucky leaned down closer to her and assaulted her neck with kisses and even nibbled at the flesh making her whimper with the good feeling.

"Buck-"she inhaled sharply as he nibbled at her ear. "Don't stop."

"Is that an order?" He whispered in her ear making her shiver.

"Y-yy-yes." Bucky chuckled and kissed her neck gently.

"Yes Corporal." Bucky growled as his hips began to slap into hers with reckless abandon. He whispered in every language he knew how he loved Mila. She understood every word of it and tried her best to return the favor in her favorite language, Italian, a language she learned while in the army with her Sergeant Barnes. But before she could mutter out her love she screamed out Bucky's name with her second climax of the afternoon. Bucky followed after her moaning her name and then panting to catch his breath. He didn't want to move. He wanted to savor this moment of bliss. They were just two lovers. They weren't assassins, they weren't wanted fugitives, nor were they murderers, just a couple in love. Bucky kissed the top of her head and reluctantly laid beside her giving the both the space to cool off that they needed. Bucky let his metal hand run up and down her navel hoping it would help cool her down.

"I am serious if you want to go. I will be waiting. I'm always going to want you to be happy and I will do whatever that takes."

"I know Bucky." She whispered lacing her fingers within his metal ones.

Walking the fifteen blocks to meet Natasha shouldn't have been the hassle that it was, but after the afternoon and evening she had, her ability to move without soreness was near nonexistent. She made it up to the top floor and found Natasha's room without hassle. She knocked on the door and it seemed like Natasha was waiting for her as the door flung open.

"So Barnes decided to stay?" She stated.

"It would appear so." Mila said defeated.

"And you?" Natasha asked leaning against the door frame. "What did you decide?"


	41. Love Lies

**AN: Here you go. I think I may wrap this up after a few more chapters and make a sequal that focuses on Civil War and Beyond. Idk, let me know in a review what you think and if you are still digging it so far.**

* * *

 _Sorry if it's hard to catch my vibe,  
I need a lover to trust, tell me you're on my side  
Are you down for the ride?  
It's not easy for someone to catch my eye  
But I've been waitin' for you for my whole damn life_

 _Don't be afraid to tell me if you ain't with it  
I see you're focused, yeah you're so independent  
It's hard for me to open up, I'll admit it  
You've got some shit to say and I'm here to listen_

 _So baby, tell me where your love lies  
Waste the day and spend the night  
Underneath the sunrise  
Show me where your love lies_

 _I've been so into your mystery  
Is it because of our history?  
Are you into me?  
When it feels so good, but it's bad for you  
Can't say I don't want it 'cause I know I do  
Come on over, I need your company  
Cravin' that synergy_

* * *

"I am serious if you want to go. I will be waiting. I'm always going to want you to be happy and I will do whatever that takes."

"I know Bucky." She whispered lacing her fingers within his metal ones. Mila could feel how tense and afraid Bucky was. She hated how he always felt like he needed to be strong. It had to tire him out. Mila let go of his hand and laid on her side to look at Bucky better. He turned his head to look at her wondering if she was ready for another round or if she would lecture him about letting her leave him. She ran her fingers along the side of his face and smiled. Bucky would have placed his money on the former until he looked in her eyes. Bucky could tell when she was caught in a deep thought when her eyes seems to look right through him.

He moved to lay on his side and held her hand against his face. "What's wrong?" He squeezed her hand and she blinked quickly trying not to cry.

"I don't know how you do it." Her eyes focused on him.

"Do what?"

"Live everyday like you have no weakness. Act so strong for me. It has to wear on you. I have been in your shoes Bucky. I had Natasha and Sam for a short touch and go period. I had your sister. I had Peggy. That's why I don't understand why you want me to do this." Bucky shook his head and ran his fingers through her brown curls.

"I don't want you to leave. I will never want that. But I want you to be happy. If you miss this chance to go see Becca, you will be angry the rest of your life. I saw how you changed and perked up when Natasha was here. I know how you miss everyone. It's selfish of me to keep you confined here because of my own fears."

"But Bucky-"

"No buts. You have lost so much because of me. I try to be strong every day because I feel like after all that you have gone through, I have no right to feel bad for myself because I could have had it much worse." Mila sighed and felt one tear betray her as it fell.

"It's not a matter of who has a right to feel jaded and who has to smother their emotions, it's a matter of who we trust to help us move on and heal. Bucky you have just as much right to lash out and hate the world as you do to enjoy every moment of freedom and be happy you're alive to see the world. I appreciate what you have done for me and continue to do for me. But let me repay that. There are two people who know you better than me, but they are halfway across the globe. I am all you got right now Buck, so if you can't let your guard down to let me in to help you… who will you let in?" Bucky remained silent and let his hand slide out from her hair and down to the mattress in front of Mila's body. She made a good point but didn't he owe it to his girl to be strong for her? "Buck, you aren't strong enough to do this alone. I know that because I wasn't." Bucky bobbed his head in agreement. In defeat or acceptance of her words she wasn't sure. He rolled back to his back and stared at the cracked ceiling. He rubbed his face and groaned with anger. Bucky knew she was right. He was upset with everything and had been bottling it up because he put a priority on Mila's feelings. But now she wanted him to stop all that and he couldn't deal with everything, especially if she was going to disappear.

He rolled off the bed and stood up and paced around the room. Mila could see all the tension building in every single muscle as he was still stark naked. Mila sat up and brought her knees to her chest. She knew how dangerous his mind could be, she was just waiting for the explosion. He pushed the dining room chair out of his way with more for than necessary knocking it into the fridge across the way. Mila remembered when she would react like this after being shut in her own head for too long. He turned and walked back to the small hallway entrance and punched the wall with his metal hand. He kept his fist buried in the new hole in the wall and heard the whirling of the arm as his anger built up. It seemed to dissipate as two hands moved from a gentle grasp on his hips to graze his skin up to his chest. Bucky felt like her hand was all that was keeping his heart from beating out of his chest.

"Why us?" Bucky muttered not moving or breathing anymore. "It could have been anyone else in the world but it was us." Mila moved her body to stand in front of him but kept constant contact with his chest. It was the only way she could tell how he was reacting. His heartbeat was irregular as hell and he still hadn't exhaled which was not helping him at all.

"Because anyone else would have shattered. That's why it was us. We have each other." Bucky placed her forehead against hers and finally exhaled. Mila didn't dare move as he relaxed and refocused.

Bucky let out a small laugh and smirk. "I used to think about having a family with you. A couple of couple of boys who had my sense of adventure and a little girl as beautiful as her mother. We would have a dog named Reggie and take summer vacations to your grandpa's farm upstate." He removed his hand from the wall and draped it over Mila's shoulders.

"Sounds nice."

"It would have been."

"It is." Bucky raised a brow at her statement. "This right here. You and me together. It's nice" Bucky nodded.

"I guess it is isn't it."

%%%%%%%

The afternoon melted away as the couple dove into the boxes of information Natasha had left. Bucky wearing a pair of sweatpants had taken to the dining room table to read and sort through all the letters and pictures Becca had sent over. He had been scribbling in his journal jumping from one place to another as he sorted out memories that came back to him. He was filling up a section he reserved with a pink sticky tab labeled 'family' with all the information he was getting. The blue one marked 'Steve' remained nearly blank. He didn't want to open that can of worms yet.

Mila had scattered out the HYDRA and SHEILD files alike on Leda LaSalle, the daughter she never knew she had. Leda was a miscarried baby that Mila had delivered shortly after her time being a personal toy for Alexander Peirce. Hydra scientists had found a way to revive the baby and it grew up to have the strength, stamina, and agility of a super solider thanks to Mila's genes. Pierce sent her off to foster care to not raise suspicion of her connection to him. She had a history or behavioral problems in school and was trained for hours on end every day after school on how to be a spy and assassin. She joined the Marines which was only a way for her to be drafted into SHIELD. Mila remembered that she was taken out of Cryo-freeze just to help train this agent. She remembered nearly beating this girl to death. And it was her daughter.

Mila was thankful she had her back to Bucky so he couldn't see how broken she felt learning all of this. While Bucky was no doubt enjoying what information he got, Mila was begin torn apart. She held the image of her daughter and couldn't believe with her enhanced cognitive abilities the Red Room gave her, that she couldn't tell that this girl was her flesh and blood. Mila wondered how differently things could have turned out if Mila knew it was her daughter. Would they have escaped? Did Leda grow up hating her mother because of everything? Mila wished she would have never asked for this box. It did nothing but hurt her more.

Bucky laughed behind her snapping her out of her own little world. She looked down and bit her finger. Bucky was moving forward and making progress. She was urging him to heal and she was cutting open new wounds and rubbing salt in them. She glanced out of the corner of her eye trying to see what Bucky was up to but his smile dropped when he could see Mila checking on him.

"Everything good?" He asked getting up. Mila wiped her eyes and blinked trying to remove any evidence of a break down. Bucky placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and looked at the image of the young grey-haired lady in front of Mila. "That her?" Mila nodded. Bucky picked up the picture. "Why does she have grey hair?" Mila grabbed a file out of the box and flipped through a page she had seen earlier.

"Something about pigment problems and her being clinically dead for nine hours. They revived her and not everything came back right." Mila pointed to the section in the medical records on her daughter and it brought some comfort to read the medical terminology and pretend that this was just a patient and not family. It took her back to before the war started when she was just some dumb nurse trying to be a doctor in a man's world. Simple times.

"Well, she's beautiful like her mother." Bucky said looking down at Mila. She forced a smile. In such a different world this wouldn't have been so morbidly depressing. "Kinda makes me glad we never had kids, because looks like you have all the dominate genes." Mila narrowed her eyes at him and saw him trying to hide a smirk. "None of our kids would of looked like their old man." Mila rolled her eyes at him.

"That may be a charity for them." Mila stated watching Bucky's mouth pop open in surprise at her insult.

He bobbed his head, "Yeah I'll remember that next time you tell me how handsome I look." Mila laughed and gave him a light shove.

"You know better you punk." Bucky smiled, and god was it beautiful, Mila loved it when he could smile. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his chest.

"No, I got a real memory problem. I can't recall if you think I'm handsome or not." Mila groaned and placed her hands on the side of his face.

"James Buchanan Barnes. You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes upon, well right after Rudolph Valentino." Bucky licked his lips and looked to the ceiling.

"You know I was almost convinced you liked me. But you're just so mean to me." He teased looking back down to her. She scoffed at his idea of mean.

"Do you _want_ to see me be mean?" She moved her fingers to the nape of his neck and massaged the area making sure to play with his hair a little. Bucky's eyes fluttered closed as he hummed. God this woman knew exactly how to play him when she wanted to.

"If this is you being mean, I would hate to see how you could torture me." Mila pulled her hands away from him and clung to his shirt.

"Is that an invitation?"

"Yes." He said knowing damn well what he was getting himself into. He didn't know why, but he loved it when Mila took charge and would dominate him. He would have figured after all the submissive years he spent under Hydra he would have been sick of it, but with Mila it unleashed some carnal passion from him.

"Well then, Solider, let's begin the 'torture'".

%%%%%%%%%%

Bucky laid on his back trying to cool off. Mila had managed to walk to the bathroom and start the shower to cool herself off. Bucky didn't want to move, this was as close to paradise as he could ever get in his life. And yet, by this time tomorrow Mila could be traveling to New York to go see his sister. Family he should have been visiting. He rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair barely managing to not get his metal hand caught.

He wanted to go with her, but he knew how foolish it was. He would stay here and lay low until she got back. Maybe clean the place up for her, learn how to cook something other than spaghetti and get some greenery around here. That sounded better than being all alone and missing her. He had all those letters to read anyway. He had to catch up from Rebecca's letters and learn who he used to be.

"Want to join me?" Mila said leaning in the door way. Bucky looked up and looked at the ruffled mess of her hair falling around her pale face. Her brown eyes were dancing with mischief. Bucky sat up and put his elbows on his knees.

"Yeah give me a second." He said standing up and walking over to her. He kissed her on the top of her head before he pushed her into the shower. "Want to tell me where you learned all that?" Bucky said nodding his head back to the bed as they stepped in. Mila looked smug as she began to rinse off her body.

"At the gym, they have a woman's health magazine. It always has an article about sex and relationships. I may have taken some pointers." Bucky nodded his head as they switched positions in the shower so he could have the running water hit him.

"I may have to tell Mr. Stenddan to cancel his subscription." Bucky said as he ran his fingers through his hair. Mila raised a brow as she reached around Bucky to grab her body wash grazing his side ever so slightly.

"Why's that?" She asked as the smell of lavender and vanilla greeted the pair. Bucky had told her it was his favorite smell.

"Because," He grabbed her hips and pulled her close. "I don't think my body, super solider or not, can take that everyday. It wears a man out." He smirked and kissed her neck. "Especially my back." As he said it his hands rubbed up and down her back. Mila leaned into him getting her floral soap on him, not that he would mind.

"Maybe you should build up your stamina." Mila whispered into his ear. He hummed in agreement and continued to assault her neck with his mouth. "Take some yoga classes," her eyes fluttered closed. "Or do more cardio." She suggested placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I think that was enough cardio for the week." Bucky stated pulling away. "Now c'mon stop playing around it's nearly time for dinner." The pair showered and got dressed. Bucky had decided he would run down to a nearby diner and get some take-out for them. While he was gone Mila sat down at the dining room table and pulled out a piece of paper and had been writing a list for Bucky. She knew if she left he wouldn't understand a lot of things. He would forget to take care of others, partly because he was a man and partly because he was so out of time. Namely, Mila wrote out how he needed to take care of himself even if she was gone a month tops. Writing the letter was painful as she realized how much she hated the idea of him alone in the apartment. She crossed her arms and glared at the letter as if this decision could just go away if she threw a big enough fit. She sighed and pushed the letter away from her as she got up to walk around the apartment finding with her racing thoughts she had to move. She made it to the nightstand by the mattress and peeled back the newspaper just enough to look at the city lights below.

It was funny to her that this foreign country, that was enemy territory to her in her youth, was now a place she thought of as home. Of course, wherever Bucky was is the place she would call home. Her head dropped as she absorbed that fact, happy that despite all the horrors they still had each other. Mila drummed her fingers against the top of the night stand and then remembered, Natasha had left something else for her in the piece of furniture. Mila pulled the drawer open and saw two devices that looked like some high-tech walkie talkie and a note.

 _Mila-_

 _I had some of Starks boys in the lab develop these for you. They think they were making these for a mission for the Avengers. These are communication devices, untraceable, but can only talk to the other device. Audio and visual capabilities. Shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out. I figured you two didn't keep cell phones for obvious reasons but if you went to New York this would ease that fear of not knowing how he was doing. The thought occurred to me after reading your letter and knowing how much I am worrying about Bruce. So, enjoy these new toys compliments of Stark Industries._

 _Natalia._

Mila pulled out the devices and took them back to the dining room table and began messing around with them. Sure enough, it was fairly easy. There was a camera for sending videos and audio came through crystal clear. Mila was so grateful for her ally in Natasha. This definitely made things easier. Mila put the devices aside and finished writing the letter she had pushed away in anger earlier. Just as she finished Bucky came in and sat the two take-out boxes on the table.

"What's all this?" Bucky picked up one of the devices with curiosity.

"A present from Natalia. So we can communicate with each other no matter what," Bucky turned the device over in his gloved metal hand. He didn't see how this was a present, now they could be traced. "And their untraceable." Bucky nodded.

"Is that true or is that just what she told you?" Bucky moved to the kitchen to get utensils.

"I don't know why you have such a hard time trusting her." Mila stated glaring at the back of his head. He closed the drawer with a little more force than necessary and looked ahead with a sigh.

"I know that she saved you. I know she works with the good guys. I know, I know, I know. But Hydra infiltrated SHIELD for 70 years," Bucky looked at Mila. "And the Black Widows weren't brainwashed to comply. They had free will." Bucky turned to her and could see the anger that was brimming as she set her jaw her glare not softening in the slightest. Bucky put his hands in a defensive pose. "I'm just saying that the Red Room is famous for turning out double agents. And honestly, after you kept the Sentinel secret from me for so long… I have some problems trusting you women so easily. Especially when you were the one who trained Natalia." Mila's jaw dropped at his statement. Was he really taking low blows like that?

"Really Barnes?" She choked out hating that she was starting to cry when she really just wanted to punch him in his perfect face.

"Yeah really." Bucky crossed his arms not about to back down from this argument. "I know why you did it. I'm not mad about that anymore. We're past it. But Natalia? I don't care if she is your little red ballerina. I remember I trained her too! She was made to be an elite spy and you know that." Mila looked down at the table because she knew if she kept looking at this man she was going to snap.

"You know she remembered her family? She remembered having good days with them, spending time with her mother who taught her how to dance, and playing with the neighborhood kids back in the USSR. She is human Bucky. Natalia is one thing above all; a survivor." Mila hazard a glance at Bucky who seemed to back down at her statement. "The Red Room takes our humanity and strips it away piece by piece until compliance is all we have. You of all people should know that." Bucky looked at the floor and shook his head. "She would linger in my classes too long after the others and I would listen to her because it let her clear her head. I may not have known how to show sympathy but I knew there was no harm in listening to an orphan talk. She told me why she was so afraid of us. I was a threat the Red Room created for compliance and she couldn't understand how I just turned off all my emotions like that it made her think that I was a robot. Once she learned the truth, she opened up more. I think she thought trusting me would help me break their programing and get us out of there."

Bucky looked up at Mila not wanting to ask, but he needed to know. "And me? Why was she afraid of me?"

"You were the one who grabbed her out of the rubble of her home and brought her to the Red Room. She got in because of you and got out because of me. She knows the truth about us. She has known for a long time. But if you didn't bring her in she would have died. You saved her and it wasn't part of you mission. Because even under their control, James Barnes knew that you can't leave a child behind if they can be saved."

Bucky sat down at the table across from her. "Why can't I remember that?"

"You were wiped immediately upon returning to the Red Room with her. They didn't appreciate you straying off of the mission."

"So we made her into what she is."

"Yeah, like some fucked up adoptive parents we took her in and raised her."

"That's one way to put it." Bucky put the silverware put on the table and grabbed a device to try and work it. Mila watched him tinker and after only a minute the other device was buzzing on the table. Mila grabbed it trying to see what Bucky had managed to do. She opened his message. It was a simple 'I love you.' Mila smiled and looked at him from across the table.

"I love you too Buck." She whispered before dividing up the food and focusing on their dinner. She couldn't stay mad at him. They ate while sending messages back and forth to each other causing them to laugh. They slipped back into their carefree selves so naturally it made Mila not want to leave that much more. Mila sent him a message that made his smile disappear.

"I'll miss you too Mila." He said sliding the device across the table. "How long do you think you'll be gone?"

Mila looked around the apartment. She didn't want to be gone any longer than necessary. Natasha said she would be in New York by the end of the week. She figured she had some loose ends to tie up while back on the states.

"A month tops. I'll keep you updated." She shook the device in her hand and Bucky nodded. Neither had been particularly great at good-byes. That dated back to their Howling Commando days. "I want to stay-"Bucky put his hand on top of hers.

"Don't try and explain yourself. Why don't we just spend the night giving a proper good-bye? I know we were terrible with parting before a Howling Commando mission." Mila smiled and a single tear escaped as he remembered those moments just as much as her.

"That's the best idea you've had in a while Barnes." He smirked and got out of the chair and moved to kneel on the floor next to Mila. She turned and ran her fingers through his long hair. He slid his hands up her thighs and delicately kissed the skin there.

"When you get back," His words tickled against her skin as he spoke. "I would love for you to do me a favor." He continued to kiss her thighs before looking up at her.

"Cook you an American meal?" She humored. Bucky laughed and shook his head removing her hands from his hair to hold them.

"No this is," he struggled to find the right word. "it's a bit more responsibility involved." Mila's heart pounded. He looked worried and it sent similar feelings her way.

"What is it Buck?" Bucky smiled and squeezed her hands hoping to reassure her that this was nothing to be afraid of.

"Will you marry me? I think after all we've-" Bucky was on his back in a second Mila's mouth crashing on his. When she pulled back to get some air she rested her forehead on his. "So is that a yes or no? I'm not really sure."

Mila ran a finger along his jaw line smirking. "I am going to take you over to that bed and remove any doubt from your mind." Bucky cupped her ass and held her firmly against him.

"Right here's as fine as any spot." He stated before leaning up to reclaim her lips with his own.

Walking the fifteen blocks to meet Natasha shouldn't have been the hassle that it was, but after the afternoon and evening she had, her ability to move without soreness was near nonexistent. She made it up to the top floor and found Natasha's room without hassle. She knocked on the door and it seemed like Natasha was waiting for her as the door flung open.

"So Barnes decided to stay?" She stated.

"It would appear so." Mila said defeated.

"And you?" Natasha asked leaning against the door frame. "What did you decide?"

"I brought a bag." Mila stated taking the backpack off of her shoulders. Natasha nodded her head.

"I'll get you and Nikoli in contact and he can get you back to D.C." Natasha walked back in the room and Mila followed setting her bag down on the first small table she saw. Natasha walked to the window and began calling her friend. Mila tried not to pay much attention to what her friend was doing as she took in the hotel room. It was far better than the apartment that was true, but it didn't have Bucky. Looking down at her hand she smiled at the small ring he had purchased last night along with dinner. Somewhere early this morning he remembered to dig it out his pants halfway across the room. She finally had Bucky again, even if it wasn't her Sargent from the War she would take that man.

"Congratulations." Natasha said walking back over to her mentor. "Guess you worked things out better than I thought." Mila smiled but it dropped when she realized Natasha could probably never know this happiness. Natasha held up her hand to stop Mila from saying anything. "You deserve it. Now, Nikoli will be meeting you here in about an hour. Until then feel free to order some room service. I have to get ready for my mission." Natasha stepped by her to go to the bathroom but Mila grabbed her arm.

"You'll have this one day." Mila told her. Natasha looked over to the woman with tears brimming at her eyes.

"I don't know what happened to Bruce… he could be dead." Natasha slumped and looked at the ground. Mila pulled her in close for a hug and rubbed her back.

"With that man's mean streak? I don't think anything could kill him." Mila spoke comforting her. Natasha laughed at her joke and squeezed Mila close. "I know what heartache feels like. Remember what I told you?"

"Love is for children." Natasha's words were muffled as she spoke into Mila's shoulder.

"You know why I said that?" Mila waited a beat before explaining the phrase she told the prhpan in the Red Room.

"Because it makes us vulnerable like a child yes, but like a child makes us believe in the good in the world. Anything can be possible if you find the one person in the world worth believing in. And you may know the second you lay eyes on him," Mila thought back to the devilish smirk on a handsome Sergeant's face decades before the woman in her arms was born. "But it can take as long as 70 years before you get a happy ending. Fate will work it out for you моя маленькая девочка." (my little girl) Natasha chocked back a sob before pulling away.

"Спасибо мама" (Thank you mother).

* * *

Please review


	42. Had a Good Run

Anything you say can and will be held against you  
So only say my name

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain  
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

If I spilled my guts  
The world would never look at you the same way

* * *

"So, Natasha said you were a friend of hers?" Nikoli said over dinner in his private cabin. Mila and his small crew had been on the ship for seven days. Nikoli promised to be in New York by the end of the week and she really doubted that. Mila had just recently got accustomed to being on the open ocean again. The last time she was on a boat was when she was trying to find Bucky again eight months ago.

"Yes." Mila kept her answers short in front of the forty something old man. He was handsome, jet black hair and green eyes but she couldn't trust this man.

"Are you enjoying your stay with me? I can get you more medicine for your sea sickness? Would you like my chef to make something else for dinner?" Mila felt his offers were sincerely part of him being a hospitable host but she wondered why.

"Why are you friends with Natasha?" Mila crossed her arms which made Nikoli laugh.

"She saved my little girl from the Red Room. I owed the KGB a debt when I was young and foolish. When I did not pay they ripped my family apart. My wife, she perished, which is fine in my book saved me from the divorce paper work," Nikoli paused to get a drink of wine at the table. "But Katherine is my world. Six years ago they tried to take her and Natasha got her out and for that I could never repay her."

"Where is your daughter now?"

"She starts at Lomonosov Moscow State next semester. She is backpacking across Europe until then. Let her be a kid." Mila grabbed the wine and took a small sip before contemplating eating the full course meal before her. She spent the first four days in her bed with nausea from the stormy waters. She just regained her appetite yesterday and she wasn't sure if she would be ready for all of this.

"What is she majoring in?" Her question was just for polite conversation anything to not focus on her.

"History. She has a real love for WWII, she idolized Lyudmila Pavlenchenko." Mila paused and looked at the man before her. Was this a terrible idea? Was she about to be turned in? Nikoli put his hand up to offer peace. "It's a coincidence I assure you," he watched at Mila shifted uncomfrtabley in her seat as she scanned the room for an exit. "sincerely. I know who you are Sentinel but I have no need to turn you in. I value Natasha's trust more than money. I already have everything I could want. Katherine is all set for college and I have enough extra money for her to buy a home where ever she wishes. My houses are paid off, what more could I want?" Mila still remained stiff as a board as she analyzed the man before her.

"I'm sorry if I don't trust you." She glanced down at the table, while it looked like a nervous habit, it was really to see what weapons she had if she needed to fight this man.

"And for that I don't blame you. But please, try. My love of money is what got Katherine taken from me in the first place."

"What do you do to earn a living?"

"To the world; I run a hotel chain in Russia. To those in the know, I am a middle man for underground business transactions." Mila looked disgusted as her mind ran with the idea that this man who valued his daughter's life played a hand in trafficking. Nikoli looked disappointed in her. "I never participate in the sale of humans if that's what you are thinking. I am a civilized man. Occasionally I will help transport exotic pets, but that is the only time I filthy my hands with living goods."

"I see," Mila began picking at the plate trying to separate the carrots from the meal. "So if you know who I am, why ask about my friendship with Natasha?" Mila nibbled at the chicken while she waited for his response.

"I told you I am civilized, I wanted to give you the chance to explain yourself. You don't think I wouldn't do my research on the guests who come on my yacht?" Mila shrugged. She was hoping not. The rest of dinner was filled with Nikoli telling stories about how amazing Natasha was and how they sometimes went on adventures together. Nikoli had a great crush on the woman it was obvious but he knew better than to get involved. Mila found out that Nikoli was also the man who found the files on her daughter and sent them to Natasha. Mila was amazed at his resourcefulness and could see why Natasha would keep him around as a contact.

When they finally parted to retire for the night Mila took a stroll on deck looking at the wide expanse of the ocean. It was a chilly night and she wondered if this was how those who were aboard the Titanic felt if they were out on the water. While the tragedy was a few years before her time she remembered it would come up occasionally in conversations, particularly those that involved the Germans. Conspiracy theorists had blamed the sinking on German U-Boats not an iceberg. An involuntary shiver brought her back to darker times. Times thrown in Cryo-freeze and hunting down one man. As the thought crossed her mind she darted across deck back to her own private room below deck. It was just a small guest room but it was far more luxurious than the apartment she called home in Bucharest. As she opened the small night stand beside her bed she found the communication device right where she left it last night. It took two rings before Bucky answered.

"Mila." He greeted making her heart tighten. She was too far away from him.

"Buck. How's things your way?"

"Same as you left."

"Still following my list?" She asked as she walked around the small cabin.

"Yes… for the most part."

"For the most part?"

"I am not separating lights and darks. Why am I going to do two loads of laundry?" Mila rolled her eyes. "And what's with this diet? Plums, blueberries, apples. I'm not a rabbit."

"They are high in antioxidants." Mila said as if explaining a situation to a cranky old man. Well, that was accurate.

"So…"

"It helps your brain. And also your blood pressure." She didn't need to be in the apartment to know he was rolling his eyes as he groaned.

"Really?"

"Yes really. If I'm not there to help you you have to help yourself."

"This is like the time you made the 107th switch their diets in Azzano isn't it?"

"And how much better did the boys feel?"

"Ok I'll eat the fruit. How's your seasickness doing?"

"Better. I talked to Nikoli tonight and found out Natasha saved his daughter. That's why he's doing this for me."

"I wondered. Just be careful please." Mila smiled and wished she could be next to him and reassure him that everything would be ok.

%%%%%%

It was only two days later that the yacht made it to Harbor and Mila was well on her way to D.C. to visit Rebecca. She pulled the grey ball cap lower on her head as she stood on the metro waiting for her stop. She didn't think she would ever be back in this city. Every step she took she would glance around at every face. Was someone looking at her for too long? Holding their camera phones just right? God, she should have listened to Bucky. This was dumb. People in Washington D.C. paid attention to things more after three helicarriers fell out of the sky. She already had Nikoli set her up with a blonde wig and enough of his daughter's spare make-up aboard the ship that she could contour her face to at least give her a different appearance at first glance. But would that be enough?

As the train stopped she moved to get off as quick as possible. She tried to walk in the crowd of people and blend, that's what the Red Room was all about. How you have no place in the world. She shook her head and tried to get rid of all the anxiety in her head but it wasn't working. She had never been this paranoid. As she reached the block of the nursing home she pieced together why she was acting this way. The device in her head was still programmed to hunt down the Winter Solider. Her body was involuntarily reacting to not having him captured. She would have to cut this trip shorter than she hoped.

She paused at the front of the nursing home and knew she would only get to see Rebecca briefly and then find a way back home to Romania. She looked at her watch and calculated that she could make one extra stop and still make it back in time for visitor hours. Turning around she got to the nearest bus stop. She had these route memorized from her few years living a semi-normal life here. But what she had in Romania, her Bucky, was so much better.

After suffering longer on public transit with her anxiety she made it to her stop. She checked her back pack one more time. There were just clothes and money. Nothing that security would take from her. She went through the checks and the metal detector went off as she passed through. Her heart clenched.

"Ma'am did you get everything out of your pockets?" The guard asked. Mila relaxed. Duh, the communication device. She pulled out the device and put it back through the bag check. She cleared the check this time and moved past the museum part of the cemetery. Past the registry that would help her locate someone. No Mila had been to Arlington plenty of times. She walked the same path she had hundreds of times before. She stopped at the headstone and fell to her knees. 'Raden' glared back at her in all caps. It was her fathers grave. Next to it was another headstone same name but this was hers. Mila could see people had etched cruel words into it. _Traitor, terrorist, communist._ Mila sighed they were right. Mila's tombstone was in shambles compared to her fathers. It made sense, her father was a national hero during World War I and Mila was a traitor.

"Daddy, I uh, don't know where to start." Mila blinked back tears. Her dad always helped her through her toughest times. She wished like hell he could be here right now. Even when she was neck deep in shit, her dad could always find a way to pull her out. "Bad news, which I've explained before. I'm still in hiding. People want my head on a platter for a pretty penny. I have to lay low. Rebecca, my good friend, Bucky's sister, is in poor health and I came to see her before she…" Mila hesitated. "the device in my head is causing me to freak out. I need to get back home to Bucky." Mila wiped away the snot not caring about how much of a mess she looked. "But hey, that's a good thing I have going. Bucky proposed again. He's a swell guy I wish you could have met him Dad. He would have made you so proud. Such a catch over that damn Wilbur." Mila laid down on the ground just wishing her father could wrap his arms around her in his comforting hugs. "I really regret never coming back from Europe to visit you. I remember the last day I saw you, April 28th 1942. That's over seventy years ago. I came back for leave and you were in the garden tending to the rose bush mom planted. You told me that even if you couldn't keep mom alive you were going to keep those roses of hers alive. I know you wish things could have been different. I wish things could have too. But, to quote your favorite president "Do what you can with what you have where you are." Right? That's what I've been doing my whole life and it gets tiring. Daddy, when can I stop running from everything? I know I wasn't the girly one but I wanted a family. I wanted to get married and have what Eva had. But my sister trusted me to protect the only thing she had left in the world and then…." Mila pushed herself up off the ground. "My life has been shit dad. Things have happened to me that would break your heart a thousand times over. But I have to remember, you raised me to be stronger than anything that is thrown at me. I think it was good to talk to you. Maybe one day I'll introduce you to my fiancé. Until then, I love you dad." Mila got up and walked away. She looked up at the October sky and saw through the clouds one ray of sunshine beaming down. She smiled and wondered if maybe her life could turn around after all.

%%%%%%%%%%  
"Oh Betty, congratulations." Rebecca said holding Mila's smooth hand in her own wrinkled one. She never met Rebecca face to face during the war, but she knew through all the photos she kept that the oxygen mask was out of place.

"Thanks."

"You have to be pretty special if my idiot brother proposed twice." Mila laughed and pulled the communication device out of her pocket.

"Well here." She pressed the send button and held it out to Rebecca. "Maybe you could talk some sense into him." Rebecca's eyes lit up as she took the device and held it up to her ear.

"Mila." Mila heard him from her seat and smiled at Rebecca.

"No you idiot."

"Rebecca." She heard how happy he sounded and saw tears running down Rebecca's face already.

"I'll give you some private time." Mila said standing up. Rebecca nodded at her friend before refocusing on the conversation with her brother. Mila walked down the hall and wondered if she would stop by and see Peggy to give more time to Rebecca. She walked by the information desk when she saw that the door that was normally open, was closed. She leaned against the counter waiting for the male assistant to get off the phone. He was eyeing her with a calculated look that worried her. She put her head down and pretended to look at anyone of the informational brochures about checking your relatives in.

"Alright Miss. How can I help you?" Mila looked up at thought for a moment his English had a weird accent that she had heard before in Europe.

"I was just wondering if Miss. Margret Carter was accepting visitors?"

"Miss. Carter has been relocated with her family in England." Mila bit her lip and shook her head. She suspected Peggy would do that eventually.

"Right," Mila slapped her hands on the counter. "Well thank you." She forced a smile as he got up and went to the back room. Mila turned around and made her way back to Rebecca's room but stopped in her tracks when she saw a familiar figure walking in from the other end of the hall. "oh shit." Steve looked up at her and she could tell the exact moment he recognized her. He picked up his pace and Mila froze in place. She knew it would be foolish to run from him or to try and fight him. She had to avoid any type of scene. As he grew closer she saw his initial shock had faded into a more hopeful one which made her heart sink.

"Where is he?" Steve asked looking around. Mila shook her head. She had to lie. If not now she would need to lie about his whereabouts. She had to protect Bucky… from his best friend.

"I found him once in Brussels but I lost him. We fought. He is still mad at me and thinks I betrayed him." Steve's face dropped and his whole demeanor changed. "I'm sorry Steve. I plan to go back and-" Steve grabbed her arm.

"Let me go with you this time." He all but begged. Mila scanned his blue eyes and hated seeing them pained. It was about as bad as when he came back from that mission 72 years ago to tell Mila her fiancé wasn't coming back home. "He's my friend Mila" He squeezed her arm "please." Mila opened her mouth to respond but closed it when she heard sirens in the distance. Steve turned his ear to the direction of the noise as well.

"That's not an ambulance." Mila stated already trying to find the nearest exit. Steve let go of Mila but kept a hand out to prevent her from running as he backtracked to the nearest window and saw that she was right. It was a fleet of S.W.A.T. vehicles as well as FBI.

"They here for you?" Steve walked back to her and saw all the fear on her face. "Let's not stick around to see huh?" He walked towards her and she moved to walk beside him.

"Let's go out the east entrance and we can take the back alley to get a head start." The pair went through the end of the hall doors and started climbing down the steps at a jog. The sirens were getting louder which only confirmed further that they were here for Mila.

"I parked the bike on the west side of the building Mila. We can't out run the vehicles for long." Mila pushed ahead of him and pushed the first floor doors open.

"We can." She made a sharp turn and found the hallway that lead to the exit. Steve followed and they discovered the door was locked. Steve moved to the keypad next to it and entered a code making the door click.

"Today's date is always the unlock code." Steve said as he ran out the door Mila behind him.

"Educate me later. Get me out free now." They moved into the alley but as soon as they thought they would make it home free a black van pulled up blocking them and six men in kevlar gear piled out guns pointed directly at Mila. Steve turned around intending to run the other way and drag Mila but her hands were up in the air and she was sinking down to her knees.

"Mila?"

"I can't keep doing this Steve." She looked up at him bit her lip trying not to cry. She was surrounded by the six men and their muzzles pointed directly at her head as she was cuffed.

"Where are you taking her?" Steve demanded. The men pulled her up to her feet ignoring Steve. A man in a button up shirt and Kevlar vest walked up to Steve as Mila was loaded into the van.

"Hello Captain Rogers. I'm Director McGuire of the FBI. I'm going to overlook the fact that you just tried to help a global fugitive escape custody because I'm going to have enough paperwork to do when I get her back to HQ."

"With all due respect Director, tell me what is happening." The man looked shocked that this superhero would talk to him with such a demanding tone.

"She's a criminal Rogers. She is under arrest and will be tried in the global courts for her crimes. I'm sure the news media will be following so you can stay up to date." The man smiled smugly at Steve and Steve grabbed the man and pushed him against the building wall.

"Where are you taking her?"

"To North Branch for now until we get her a psyc eval and then she will be put on trial."

"How did you know where she was?"

"The staff tipped us. We told them to be on alert. We figured either Miss Raden or Mr. Barnes would turn up eventually to visit the sister." Steve backed off the director and saw the van pull away with Mila in the back. Steve needed to find her a lawyer fast.

%%%%%%%

"Bucky," Rebecca said over the communication device trying not cry as she looked out her window. She had watched as the scene unfolded. Her two good friends were trying to run away from the sirens but one was captured. "I think something bad just happened."

"Becca are you ok?" She heard her brother's panic.

"I'm fine. But I think Betty was just arrested." She didn't hear anything from her brother. She heard a bang and then heard distant screaming and curses. "Bucky?" Rebecca got no response but unmistakably heard her brother sobbing and yelling 'you should have stayed home.'

* * *

 **AN: The staff member that Mila encountered was Zemo. I thought it was a logical place for him to be to collect intel with Rebecca being there. He was also the one who called the FBI about Mila. It should all flow nicely for Civil War. Which by the way, unless you want it another way, I will end this story in the next chapter and continue the story in a sequel. Let me know in a review.**


	43. Mila's Promise

**AN: Here we are, the final chapter in this story. I am already working on the sequel. It will be titled Divided Unity. I made a kick ass picture to go with the story so check that out when it comes your way. I had a great time writing this story and I love where these characters went. This was not the original plan I had for this story by any means but it seemed to grow on it's own. Thank you for your support of this story. Without further to do let's kick the finale off with a good Panic! song**

* * *

 _If you're a lover, you should know_  
 _The lonely moments just get lonelier_  
 _The longer you're in love_  
 _Than if you were alone_  
 _Memories turn into daydreams become a taboo_

 _I don't want to be afraid_  
 _The deeper that I go_

 _..._

 _Baby we built this house_  
 _On memories_  
 _Take my picture now_  
 _Shake it til you see it_  
 _And when your fantasies_  
 _Become your legacy_  
 _Promise me a place_  
 _In your house of memories_

 _I think of you from time to time_  
 _More than I thought I would_  
 _You were just too kind_  
 _And I was too young to know_  
 _That's all that really matters_  
 _I was a fool_

 _'House of Memories'- Panic! at the Disco_

* * *

"Beatrice can you tell me about your home growing up?" The elderly man asked Mila. She was in a cell in some maximum security prison in Maryland. This man had arrived only thirty minutes after Mila had the iron door slammed behind her. It wasn't a cell built to contain her, she could have easily broken out of this cell and been on her way to freedom by now. But she was thinking about Bucky. Maybe if she could successfully make it out of these trials alive, Bucky could too. Then they wouldn't have to run anymore. The first step was dealing with the grandfatherly figure in front of her. Strike that, the more she looked at him he looked like a Santa Claus she saw once in Macy's with her little sister. "Beatrice? The question?"

"Mila. Please call me Mila." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat knowing that her request would open up a different pathway of questions for the Doctor. She watched as he typed notes on his laptop.

"Right Mila," He smiled at her trying to make her feel better she guessed. "Can we talk about that? I see it's your middle name. Where did it come from?" Mila tilted her head. That's not what she expected him to ask.

"UH, my maternal grandmother was named Lyudmila. After everything that happened to me, I didn't think it was right to keep going by Betty. So I go by my middle name."

"Trying to distance yourself from your past?"

"No, I just know that I can never return to that passionate and aspiring doctor from Manhattan. So it didn't feel right to go by that name again."

"And yet, instead of picking a whole new name you picked a different part of your given name." Mila was unsure of where he was going with his fact.

"Obviously."

"Can I guess why you did that?"

"Knock yourself out." She offered slouching back.

"Perhaps, you chose not to use a new name because you wanted to hold onto who you used to be. You picked your middle name to refocus on a different part of you. Because deep down you know you're that same woman just with different experiences." Mila opened her mouth trying to tell him he was crazy but no words came out as she analyzed his words. He was absolutely right. "And maybe you always knew you could be saved." The corner of her mouth tugged into a smile and she put her head down.

"Maybe." She applied that same logic to Bucky. She wondered if he had used that same logic when he chose to be called Bucky. Maybe Bucky was more confident than Mila because he went by that same name she called her Sargent. The same one Steve used to tease his best friend. That grumpy old soilder of hers was better at hiding his hopefulness.

"So, tell me about growing up in the Great Depression. I am a sucker for history."

%%%

The psychoanalysis therapy sessions lasted a week. Mila had laughed, cried, and snapped at Doctor Milton countless times. He had told Mila, against the courts orders, that he would diagnose her with manic depression, anxiety, and PTSD. How much of that she owed to the device being activated in her head she was uncertain. She felt drained and fatigued near constantly. But the Doctor had additional news for her as well. She wasn't clinically insane which had its ups and downs. Good news, she wasn't crazy, bad news she lost her best bet out of major sentencing.

Steve visited once and Mila managed to get him lined up for a legal team. She figured she could call on Nikoli for one more favor before she was relocated to the World Court in the Netherlands. Steve explained her trial would start in November. That meant she had about three weeks to pull everything together. Steve thought this court hearing would be a clear and simple done in three days trial. Mila had her doubts. She knew her own history and knew she committed federal crimes in at least 18 countries that would no doubt have something to say and demand justice on their own terms. She would be lucky if this trial was over by the end of next year.

As she got comfortable in her cot inside her cell she wondered how Bucky was holding up. Becca still had the communication device as far as she knew. She hoped that Rebecca had returned to the old role she had before Bucky met her, the female voice of reason. Of course she had no contact with Rebecca either since being locked up. What she wouldn't give to see just one of the Barnes' before this shit storm started.

"Miss. Raden, time to go." Said a guard from outside her cell. She rolled back over and got up. It was time for her shit storm to begin.

%%%%

"Well, what's going on?" Bucky asked his sister over the communication device. He had been checking the newspapers in Romania but nothing had been coming up in the papers after her arrest three weeks ago. Just a line or two anymore about when her court date was.

"Steve says she's being moved to the Netherlands. She won't get off for committing her crimes because she was insane. But the evidence about Hydra and Red Room mind control is pretty concrete."

"How could it not be? She still has a device implanted in her skull." Bucky paced around his tiny apartment, but it felt smaller and emptier than ever without Mila here. And dirtier. Damn she really did take care of this place. The four weeks without her here were driving him slowly insane. Since she left he had begun to dig more into his past, but he wasn't focusing on the good parts; family, friends, love. Without Mila there to keep him focused on the good he began drawing out the lines between his missions. His night terrors had returned and there was no one there to comfort him. Rebecca only ever answered the phone when it was early evening for him here. The time difference was a real stickler to their communication.

"Look Buck, I know you're not up to speed with the world, but our morals and the old way of serving justice… it's gone. Good doesn't always triumph when it clearly should Buck. The world is corrupt and in ruins." Bucky rubbed his hand over his face in frustration.

"I probably played a pivotal role in that."

"No. You are not the Winter Solider. You are James Buchanan Barnes my big idiot brother. You can't keep taking the crimes he committed as your own."

"Becca you act like we are two separate people. We aren't. All the crimes he did, I was there. It was me. That's why Mila and I were hiding. We are wanted on both sides of the law because we are criminals. Mila has a chance of freedom, but not me."

"Buck-" He hung up on her and let the device drop to the floor. He looked around the apartment hoping maybe this was another bad dream. At any moment Mila would come back into the apartment and ready to drag Bucky to the gym to kick his ass. He sat down at the dining room table and stared at the door. What was going to happen to his girl? Odds were stacked against her. That meant he wasn't going to see her and he just lost her again. He had no way to help her, if he did he would be put to death he was certain. There was clear evidence that he could break Hydra's programming so that meant that he could have stopped himself from killing all the people he had.

The communication device was buzzing but Bucky stayed put. He didn't need a lecture from his sister right now. All he wanted was for things to go back to the comfortable normal he had grown to enjoy with Mila. He wanted her to be able to come home. He didn't want to see her go to trial and relive all the horrors from her past. He ran his hands through his hair feeling too helpless about the entire situation. It was like he was back in the Red Room losing control of his entire life.

%%%%

Mila knew she lost control of her entire life by giving up and being arrested. She at least got to get out of her cell more in the Hague. Of course that leave was only to appear in court and listen to lawyers from 15 different countries reason as to why she should be put to death for her crimes. Fortunately for her Nikoli did honor Mila's request to provide her with legal help. Legal help that was currently being a huge pain in her ass as she sat in a waiting chamber before going back to the courtroom for the fourth day in a row.

"We're just saying our evidence is clear. We have scheduled a MRI scan for you to help prove that the device is still in your head." One of the grey haired and spectacled lawyers told her. His wrinkled face seemed to be pulled into a permanent frown. His partner was nearly the opposite. He had salt and pepper hair and it seemed like he was radiating positivity, it was rather annoying.

"And then part of the ruling will be to have it removed! Dipshits, I have explained this to you at least seven times; if it's removed I am dead."

"Well we can't exactly lie to the courts and say it has been removed." The happy one, Chris, stated.

"And we have no way to prove it has been completely deactivated." Albert countered. "Our best bet, stay truthful and tell them; your only job was to subdue the Winter Soilder when he went rouge correct?"

"No. I went on other missions as well. I trained the girls in the Red Room. I started a revolution in two nations and killed political leaders in five others. Let's not get into the people I killed finishing the missions of the Winter Solider." The lawyers sighed in unison.

"Alright," Chris said holding his hand up. "unless you are asked directly about a particular event I would just not bring it up."

"And keep all answers short sweet and to the point." Albert added. Mila rubbed her temples.

"I thought your job was to put together the evidence so that I would easily be shown innocent."

"Well that's what our team is doing for you, but it all means nothing if you open your mouth and say the wrong thing." Chris smiled at her hoping that it would sooth her anger after his comment.

"I have an idea, why don't I just not say anything and pretend I have become a mute." Mila didn't like these lawyers nearly as much as she had like Doctor Milton.

"Actually I have a better one," Albert said pointing his fingers up and licking his lips before he continued. "the court won't know the difference between what crimes the Red Sentinel committed and which the Winter Solider committed. We can-"

"No."

"take your crimes-"

"no."

"And blame them"

"No"

"On the Winter Solider."

"No."

"It's easy."

"NO!" Mila screamed finally. She glared at the two lawyers and tried to regain her composure as they sat stoic both shocked by her outburst. "I would rather face the death sentence by being drawn and quartered than to betray Bucky again." She put her head down. "Not again."

"Miss. Raden c'mon. That man is a fugitive who has been hiding for years now. No one is going to find him. It's completely understandable to throw some of your crimes his way. I'm sure he's off roaming free why not you too?" Albert offered. Mila shook her head.

"No. I will not hide behind him and if you try that in front of the judges I will speak out. I am on trial for what I did. I have to own up to it now or never."

"Mila understand we can not guarantee you'll be pardoned for every crime," Chris began flipping through the papers in a binder. "Some of this stuff here is extensive and cruel. It would take a hell of a lot to get you off from these charges."

"And you know that five of the nations filed preliminary objections. We may get through this but then it's a roller coaster of going through this process five more times in those different countries."

"Well, looks like you gentlemen have your work cut out for you."

%%%%

"Miss. Raden, was trying to help what she was led to believe, were orphans suffering in a communist Russia. If you look at exhibit 14C you will see it is the Church record for the Church one Beatrice L. Raden attended with her nephew and her deceased sister's maid every Sunday after her death. On Sunday the 11th of March 1944 it was arranged for the Order of Charitable Sisters of the East speak and recruit volunteers for their cause. As noted in the 20011 case of _Red Room v Russia_ this supposed organization was recognized as a front for the Red Room to recruit new orphans and volunteers for experimentation…."

Mila shifted in her seat as the hearing went on. She tried using her old Red Room skills to analyze the judges as they reacted to her story. They seemed to be sympathetic as her life unfolded before them. She tried to block out the horrors of her life as Albert told them but she couldn't help but cry when he talked about her conditioning in the Red Room. She put her head down when he mentioned how she murdered her own nephew at their command. It seemed so surreal to have someone else tell her story. But it felt like a weight was being lifted. A burden and secrets she had carried for the past six and a half years were now being revealed and it seemed like she could start to move on. Even if the 15 justices before her had ruled to imprison her, she would feel better. Have a lighter conscience at least.

It seemed to drag on for eternity, but Steve was right that this case would be over fairly quickly. Maybe not the three days he hoped for, but two weeks was a blessing. Albert had his time to read his (or rather Mila's) case and over the course of seven days those fifteen countries had told their side. Day thirteen the justices went rapid fire asking questions to clarify things. Mila only had to answer six questions in total. Nothing condemning, just yes or no. By the fourteenth day she noticed a familiar row of three faces in the crowd sitting behind her. Natasha, Steve, and Sam were there ready to hear the ruling. Mila just wanted this to be over.

"In the case of Beatrice L. Raden versus the United States, China, France, Russia, Egypt, Italy, Brazil, El Salvador, Mexico, Chad, Greece, Sokovia, Ukraine, Georgia, and Turkey," the justice took a moment to catch his breath. "The council of justices have come to the following majority opinion 14 to 1: After reviewing the evidence that was brought forth by all parties involved it is clear that Miss. Raden was acting in such a way while committing the crimes she is guilty of without an ability to have free will. Blue prints of the device that was developed by Hydra and implanted by the Red Room Academy have shown the devices true potential and we believe that anyone no matter their moral compass, character, or will, would have acted in the same way that Miss. Raden had. She had been living on her own for five years free of the control of the device and had no such incident that would have smudged her records in the slightest. It is because of these reasons as well as the other evidence provided to us in all parties readings that we find Miss. Raden to be innocent of her crimes. However we would require she live out her life under the support of those she can trust. Isolation has been proven to hurt those in similar mental states such as Miss. Raden. She will be monitored and on a two year probation confined to the Avengers compound in upstate New York until such time. We also hearby pardon Miss. Raden of any crimes she committed while under the influence of the Hydra device. We also ask that every effort be made to remove the device. This hearing is dismissed." Mila slumped over and couldn't believe her luck. She heard her friends cheering behind her. That's why they were here. They bargained with the justices on her behalf. Illegally no doubt, but Natasha did have a way of persuading people. Thank God Mila taught her that skill. She turned around and looked at her friends they were all smiling and moving to get closer to Mila.

"Well looks like I was right. A speedy trial am I right?" Steve sounded too smug as he opened his arms to hug her over the banister. Mila leaned over and let Steve wrap his arms around her. She could hardly return the favor.

"I know for a fact you guys cheated." Mila whispered as Natasha came in for her turn to hug her.

"I simply used all my resources to my advantage as someone once told me." She smirked and winked at her mentor who only shook her head smiling.

"I'd like to volunteer to be your baby sitter by the way. I call dibs." Sam spoke as he hugged her. Mila giggled.

"Well since too many people won't want to deal with one of the world's deadliest assassins, you have the job."

"Former!" Steve said.

"Right. But thank you guys so much." Mila began crying as it finally hit her how much her friends were willing to give for her to be safe and get out of prison. "I'm not sure if I was worth all the trouble guys."

"Anything for a friend." Steve said.

"Miss Raden, we need to get you out of those cuffs." Albert called as he closed his briefcase. Mila smiled at her friends and wiped her eyes.

"Tell Nikoli I am eternally grateful for the legal support."

"Will do." Natasha said with a salute. "Now C'mon boys we'll be seeing enough of her shortly." Natasha put her hands on both of the boys' arms and began pulling them away so Mila could get herself straightened out.

%%%

Mila laid in her bed at the Avenger's Compound and tried to catch her breath. After the opinion from the World Court it was three more months of traveling to different countries who refused to consent to the World Court's Opinion and demanded to hold their own trials. Each trial ended the same; innocent. Nikoli's legal team was very good at persuading the juries to rule in her favor. Plus with the evidence of the device it was hard to argue Mila committed any of the crimes willingly.

There was a moment in Saudi Arabia where she was certain they would lock her up until she rotted but a last minute deal for her to settle with paying damages to the state and signing some accords that were in the works had gotten her off the hook. Nikoli easily had the money ready for her. He only asked that Mila entertain him on one date. She wasn't about to turn that down when the man was willing to give 14 million dollars so she could get off the hook. The date was simply Nikoli asking her advice on how to get his daughter a good job at the Smithsonian's once she graduated at wine tasting. Mila was thankful nothing romantic came of it. Her heart was still aching to be back with Bucky.

She missed that apartment and curling up next to his warmth at the end of the day. She twisted the ring on her finger around wondering when they would ever get to have their happily ever after. She was being tracked thanks to the bulky bracelet on her ankle and her only means of communication with him was back in DC. She doubted Rebecca was going to give that up. If she went back to Romania she would no doubt give away Bucky's location to all interest parties and she knew Bucky did not have great odds in court like she did.

She felt a presence in her room and nearly shit herself when she saw a maroon man hovering in her room.

"Who the hell are you?!" She scrambled to stand up and the figure stood on solid ground.

"I am Vision, I am part of the team. I was just checking in on you and seeing if you needed a tour of the compound. " His accent was thick and she didn't quit know what to think of this… man? in front of her. Before she could open her mouth to respond there was a knock at her door. Oh so now people used the door. She moved to open it but kept her eyes on the man in her room. Standing there was a woman she had not seen in a long time.

"Wanda?"

"Hello." She moved past Mila to scold the man in her room. "Vis, you can't keep doing that! Use the doors. If it's closed they don't want you in there." Vision seemed ashamed and tried to rantionalize his actions but just ended up phasing back through the wall. Mila's mouth opened in wonder trying to process what she just saw.

"What just happened?" She asked Wanda.

"Vision does not obey regular laws of physics and nature or social behaviors." Mila laughed a little at the last bit.

"Fair enough. How have you been since Sokovia? Is Pietro still around to torment me?" Wanda's face dropped and Mila didn't have to ask to know she was wrong to say his name. Clearly Wanda suffered a great loss. "I'm sorry. I don't know what-"

"He died. But it is ok. I am moving past that." Mila placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Wanda I know what it's like to lose a sibling who meant the world to you. I lost my sister to an illness and I felt helpless the entire time. All my training as a medical professional and I couldn't put it to use when it mattered most. If you want someone to talk to…" Wanda acknowledged her offer with a nod.

"I know. I've been in your mind remember? But something felt off about you since you came in. I wanted to check in."

Mila sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. Since she would be living with these guys for the foreseeable future she felt like it was best to just be open and honest. "My saving grace during the trial is killing me." Wanda looked confused so Mila continued. "The device. It was programmed to motivate me to find the Winter Solider as quick as possible. The longer I go without him, the worse it throws off the chemicals in my brain. I feel like my brain is always running a marathon every hour. I don't know how much longer before it completely ruins me."

"I can fix that you know?" Wanda offered. " I have been training more with my abilities and if you don't mind I would like to help you." Wanda seemed sheepish with her offer as if she thought Mila would lash out at her. Mila stood up and took Wanda's hand.

" I would really appreciate that Wanda."

%%%

It had been five months without her, five months of sinking back into his old detached self. His talks with his sister did little to help Bucky feel normal. Bucky read over the list of things Mila had laid out for him a million times it felt like. The diet she had him on made him feel great, but his own thoughts were outweighing all of it. He fell into a routine of working as often as possible, taking some weekend shifts to keep his mind off the fact his apartment was empty. He shopped once every other Friday choosing to just grab some snack food on the way home. He didn't much feel like cooking anymore without someone there to share the meal with.

His sister hadn't called in three days. He thought it was odd after their agreement with the time zone difference to call him when it was convenient for her. He didn't want to face the fact that he may have lost both women he cared about in this world. Throwing the ball cap off his head he decided he could at least try and contact her. After eight rings the shifting of someone answering the phone alerted him that he may not have lost her.

"Becca!" He said before she could speak. "I was so worried that-"

"Bucky?" Steve's voice said over the device. Bucky panicked. "Bucky is that you where are you? You gotta come home man. Becca's funeral is-" click. Bucky hung up and fell back against the wall behind him. He looked at the device as if it was all just a mistake. He had the wrong number. But no, that was so foolish. The device only communicated to one other device. And now, Steve knew Bucky was alive and hiding somewhere. Shit. What was he going to do now? Come home? Was Steve serious? Rebecca died? Bucky crushed the device in his hand. That couldn't be right. He knew logically it was, but his heart refused to accept that he just lost his sister.

He slid down the wall and cried. He couldn't remember when he last cried. But his chest felt like it was empty and burning at the same time. His mind raced with regret at what he didn't do and should have done. Was he destined to lose every woman he loved? He yelled out not caring if the neighbors heard. Soon after he was on a rampage to destroy the small apartment. He threw objects across the place and broke a window. The files on the counter were pushed off and fell into a mess that would take days to resort and file. He didn't care about anything at this moment. He was just pissed and alone with no one to walk him back off his ledge.

%%%

"Why the hell did Bucky just call this thing?" Steve asked placing the device down on the counter at the compound across from Mila. She put her spoon back into her bowl of oatmeal and closed her eyes. "I thought you said you lost him." Mila closed her eyes unable to look at him.

"I lied to protect him."

"From me?"

"From the world." Mila looked back at her friend trying to drive her point through his often thick skull. "You and I both know Buck is not going to have my luck when it comes to the World Court."

"I don't care. WE can hide him and protect him together."

"Not now." Mila whispered.

"Why?"

"Wanda deactivated the device, and if Bucky knows you answered, he no doubt destroyed the device and is getting ready to run again. I wouldn't know where to find him." Mila pushed the bowl away from her seeming to lose her appetite.

"So you're going to give up on him?" Mila snapped her head up at him.

"Never! But I have to keep my distance to protect him. If not, who knows who will come sniffing my trail to find him."

"Mila we have to do something-"

"No. You go on your goose chase, I'll be here." Steve straightened his posture and set his jaw.

"Fine." He walked away from her and she put her head in her hands. Mila knew she had no chance of finding him. But maybe an opportunity would arise that could let her help him. Looking around she was certain no one was in the common area and hoped she was operating this new system correctly.

"Friday, can you run a search for me on a cyrpted server? I don't want anyone to be able to find this."

"Yes ma'am. What would you like me to search." The AI voice came over the room and filled it.

%%%%

"James, cred că fostul tău ți-a lăsat un mesaj." (James, I think your ex left you a message.) Came the gruff voice of the mechanic shop's owner as Bucky walked in. He stopped his usual straight walk to the shop and moved to the front desk where his boss was holding out a piece of paper. The boys around here had noticed that he was more glum and they barely managed to get a pathetic story about how his girl dumped him for a red-headed Russian who came into town. It wasn't exactly a lie, but Bucky's mind wasn't running on all pistons most days so coming up with anything more elaborate and creative wasn't going to happen.

Bucky moved to the small break room section fo the shop and sat down in the chair that allowed him to see the entire shop. That way he could quickly hide the note if one of his co-workers started to approach him. He felt like the paper weighed more than any piece of equipment he had ever had to lift in the shop. And he had to lift engines with the boys before. He noticed the slight shaking of the paper as he was afraid of what type of note would be waiting for him. That and the added fact that he had spent the entire night wrecking his apartment and not sleeping meant he was emotionally raw and not sure if he could handle reading a simple note.

What was he thinking? He had served in WWII, fought Nazi's and worked alongside the Howling Commandos. He underwent brainwashing and committed terrible crimes for two evil organizations. And now he was afraid of unfolding a piece of paper? But this was something _she_ wanted him to know. Something no doubt important. He smiled as he realized Mila always had a way to make him jump to conclusions. Sighing he opened up the creased paper and just quickly took in the length. Not too short but not a novel either. He read his girl's message scribble in his boss' Romanian penmanship and had to admire how vague she was so that he wouldn't know a damn thing when he took the message.

 _James,_

 _I know you know about me and your sister. I just want you to know I am safe. I am sorry for your loss. I wish I could have been there when you found out. Either way, there's a lot I wish would be different right now, but it isn't. If you could please just give me six months to find an opportunity before you move on, it would be greatly appreciated. I didn't mean to hurt you and for us to end up like we did. Please just try and give me six months. I will make it all up to you I promise._

 _I love you,_

 _Mila_

The Winter Solider will return in Divided Unity

* * *

 ** _AN:_ Again, thank you for all of your support if you loved this story please let me know by reviewing it. Let me know if you wanted to see something more in the sequel or something less. I really hope you enjoyed this journey with me. Please review I can not stress enough how much I love reading your reviews. Stay tuned... **


End file.
